Anna's smitten with a new hottie!

 OMG last night was so awesome!

I had a "first date" with a hottie I had a one-night stand with last weekend! But let me take you back to that night.....I will call him "James".

My hubby and I had Uber'd to Milwaukee and bar-hopped. We were having a blast. And we were getting shit-faced bc we knew we didn't have to drive. I think I was about 5-6 drinks in, and we were in a bar with a live band and they were awesome. When they got offstage we left and walked across the street to another bar. I swear all I remember is walking in the door and seeing this incredible looking guy, and him noticing me as well.

He looked like a dark, long-haired James Franco. Sexy mouth, very straight teeth, blue eyes, about a couple week's growth of beard. He looked about 25 (he's actually 26 hehe). He was dressed so nicely, and he really stood out. His hair cascaded past his shoulders, and it was tousled and sexy. He had a nice dress shirt on, jeans that fit him just nice if you know what I mean, and a dark brown leather jacket. (Does the word "smoldering" come to your mind??) Mmmm well it does me hehe what a fucking hottie.

I swear it was like a scene out of a movie where our eyes met and everything around him was blurry.

All I remember is making a bee-line straight over to him, and he was smiling at me as wide as I was smiling at him. And I remember seeing my hubby stay back as I approached this new hottie. There was just something about him...I can't believe I'm going to say this but it was love at first sight. I have felt that only once in my lifetime, and here I felt it again. It was profound. I felt instantly comfortable with him like I'd known him forever. I took his hand in mine immediately. It felt like a minute had gone by and next thing I know, we'd left the bar and we were walking to his apartment! And it was a nice evening for early November. We walked 1.6 miles haha (I mapped it yesterday!) and I was in stilettos too! It was sooo fun, holding hands and talking and laughing and getting to know one another....and walking and walking and walking! We finally got to his place and went upstairs and just started making out and we took off all our clothes and just fucked. For THREE HOURS!!!!!!! I came four times and he didn't come at all! I was like OMG how does he hold out so long!? We even took a shower together and although my hair ended up a curly tumbleweed, it was so fun. I have never showered with a guy. Soaping up his six-pack abs and getting my breasts caressed with bubbles felt amazing. (Did I forget to mention he's got six-pack abs...?? COULD HE BE ANY MORE PERFECT??)

I was getting sore and it was getting really late. I wanted him to come and knew I needed to get home.

My sense of time was really off, and for some dumb reason (um, Titos??!!) it felt like I'd only been there like an hour and my hubby was texting and I said I was fine and ready to come home could he come get me! He was like, "um, I'm home....." Home is about a 45 min drive. I guess I thought he was still at the bar! Even seeing the time....it was around 3:30 am....I still couldn't grasp that my hubby was "home" home. I tried to get an Uber but my account wasn't working for some reason (I have no idea why not...I have a 4.95 rating....must've been user error haha...) so hubby came to get me.

While we waited we fucked, and when he wrote he was 14 min away, we got dressed, but kept kissing and I was still so turned on by him I didn't let him even zip up his zipper. I put my hand down his pants, found his still hard cock and started rubbing it and he took off those jeans, picked me up and laid me back on his bed and put it right back inside my very-wet pussy. We were all sweaty and fucking hard when my phone chimed and I knew my hubby was outside to get me. We stopped, panting, and laughing, and got dressed again. He had asked me to spend the night but but I said no mostly bc I had never spent the night with any guy. I always just went home. It didn't occur to me to say yes. No one ever asked me to stay before. Thankfully he was turned on and not upset with me at all!

It was a great night. He texted me that night and then again in the morning. Of course, I assumed I'd never see nor hear from him again but happily I was wrong!!!!

The next day he invited me to hang out with some friends of his at some political function he was going to! He's a double-major--poli-sci/pre-law and plans to go to law school. I was like whoa he wants me to meet his friends??? After a one-night stand?? WOW I was so happy! I wanted to go so badly but my hubby said no. I wish I'd gone anyways. I was resentful and angry and vowed never to say no to him ever again. I was very surprised and happy that he texted me every day this week! And asked to see me every single day! This was just what I'd been wanting. Someone as into me as I am them.

We made plans to get together Thursday night (last night). He said he picked out a place for us to hang out and get some drinks and food. I picked him up at his apt--it's a duplex near the college and he got in and it was just magic. We have such crazy chemistry. We said hello and next thing we are kissing madly. Mmmm yummy! He gave me directions as we drove to the bar and he was impressed with my stick-shift driving. lol

It was a super cute bar and we picked a two-top right inside and the server was real sweet and attentive. I noticed every time I spoke, James was smiling and looking right at me. (Could he be as smitten with me as I am with him??) We ordered wings and truffle fries, and we must've sat there for 2 hours. The conversation flowed easily, we talked about everything--his upbringing, his schooling, his dreams, my band, my writing, my kids, religion, politics, food, alcohol pretty much everything. And we'd hold hands, squeeze fingers, touch each other's thighs, and once OH MY GOD no one has ever done this before---what I'm about to tell you sealed the deal for me. My heart is all in.

We were talking and we were very lively, and he was just smiling at me and engrossed in whatever it was I was saying, and then with his hand, he lovingly brushed a wisp of my hair aside and fingered it,
caressing my hair. AS if I needed any prodding!!!  I fell for him right then and there, hook line and sinker as they say.

He'd told me earlier a friend of his was a drummer, and they were going to be playing there! And then this friend texted him he needed a ride, so I said, "sure! Let's go get him!" so we did. His friend was s tall and cute too. He was very friendly and smiled while talking to me, so I hoped he would like me and approve of me dating his friend. When we got back to the bar, the three of us sat at the bar, having beer and laughing and talking. His friend and I talked music and then the rest of the band came over---James introduced me to them and they asked me to come up and sing with them! I said I'd love to!! We discussed what kind of music they play and all and I said that would be super fun absolutely! His friend left to go join them onstage and James and I remained at the bar.

We had another drink and just kept kissing and touching one another, and he said finally, "wanna go?" hahah and I said, "yesssss", so I didn't get to sing. Oh well. I was so turned on I wanted to fuck him so bad. I think he was thinking the same thing ;)

I drove us back to his place, and he again was such a gentleman. Opened the door for me getting out of the car and held my hand up the stairs. Mmmm. We got in and he gave me a little tour again (it's really tiny but so cute bc it's his) and we went to his bedroom and chatted a little--I put on Spotify (30 seconds to mars) and we undressed each other (God how I love that!!), kissed passionately and it wasn't long till he was inside me.

We started on this little couch near his bed, and when I got up to change position, he did something unbelieable---he picked me up, still inside me, fucking me in the air. It was so super hot and fun! Then he carried me over to his bed, still inside me, and laid me down and kept fucking me.

We changed position again, he laid down next to me and turned me sideways and fucked me from behind, but laying down, nibbling on my neck. I was so wet it kept sliding out! I had him lay on his back and I gave him what he called the "best blow job ever"! I said his dick was perfect and it was. Not too long, not too thick, it fit me perfectly in my mouth and my pussy!! Then I climbed on top of him and fucked him. He loves my big titties and held them as I fucked him. I loved the look of ecstasy on his face; and I wanted him to come so badly but he didn't!

I have often said there are two kinds of lovers: there are guys that fuck and guys that make love.

"James" makes love.

He's passionate and gentle and deliberate.

We didn't have as much time together as either of us would've liked as I said I couldn't spend the night (again). It wasn't hubby this time, although he's always ok if I want to spend the night, but we were due for a snowstorm which did hit around 1 am and I made it home by midnight. (woke up to 3 inches of snow on the ground).

Oh! And while we were at the bar, I took a pic of him and his friend, and a couple selfies of him and I. I wanted a pic of us. I sent it to my BFF's and they both said we look like a couple XOXOXOX

He texted me this morning, "thank you for everything last night beautiful".

I. Am. Smitten!!

Hot Asian Stripper Boy

I was scrolling through my "matches" on OKCupid last Wednesday and saw THE hottest Asian guy I'd ever seen. YES ASIAN. I am a white girl who has never really been attracted to Asian guys before, but this guy's pic rocked my world. It was his shirtless pic that got to me; he had an awesome chest tattoo and he was super sexy. Twenty-one years old. I wrote him simply, "hi sexy" and he wrote right back! It didn't take long for us to click and arrange to meet. I met him the very next night at a bar; he waited for me in his car so we could "walk in together" (how cute was that??!) and we were all over each other. He had amazing eye contact, which I totally crave. We sat side-by-side at the bar and he had his chair turned towards me, his hand on the inside of my thigh, just drinking me up with his eyes every time he looked at me, a big smile on his face. I was smitten. We got along great, we were instantly attracted to each other and kept kissing. I noticed these women on the opposite side of the bar kept staring at us. I'm sure they were thinking, "what an odd couple" and "get a fucking room" LOL

After one drink we were done and couldn't wait to get out of there, although I had no plans for anything else to happen. I was trying something new; have an actual date first and see if he was still interested a week later. We walked hand in hand to my car, and we both got in and immediately started kissing furiously as if we were the last two people on earth and just found each other. He took off his shirt and had his fingers up my dress, moved my panties out of the way and his fingers found their way inside my vagina. He alternated between fucking me with them and rubbing my clit, and I was so turned on I was on the brink of climax. I saw his sexy torso and the top of his boxers, which always turns me on so much, and dipped my hand down into his pants and found his rock-hard cock. I stroked it and he fingered me and we kissed like hungry wolves. I was panting I wanted him so bad. The eye contact in between his kisses was incredible. 

We were ready for the next step, but it wasn't going to happen that night. We stopped and looked longingly at each other, and broke apart and took deep breaths together. We both said how badly we wanted each other. He put his shirt back on and we kissed some more, no groping this time, and we made promises to get together ASAP and finish what we started. We said our goodbyes, and he left. It was wonderful!!!! I felt like I was in heaven. I couldn't believe I was so into him.

And the next morning he wrote me, "good morning beautiful". !!!!!!! I was so excited!!! He WAS into me!!

He came over today......and I thought it was raw and animalistic.....but he didn't cum, AND he left early. I couldn't stand it any longer and texted him almost 2 hours ago, "hey just wanted to let you know I had a GREAT time with you today." No response so far.

Oh well. I had fun. And maybe I'll hear from him and maybe I won't. But I'll write about our afternoon romp next chance I get. 

Oh, and did I forget to tell you he was a male stripper in Vegas recently???

Tee hee I will call him "HASB" for "Hot Asian Stripper Boy".

Yum. He was delicioso.

I am still hungry.

New Tinder boy

I've been on Tinder for oh, probably 6 months and have had some good luck with finding hotties there! I had a "match" yesterday, imagine a blonde Harry Styles. Very cute. Only 19 years old. The way Tinder works is, you can't write anyone until they've "swiped right" and you have too. So, guess we both "swiped right" which means we both liked each other, and then we were able to begin texting each other.

And I just looked for our messages and he's deleted his profile.

Hmmm.

Well, I really can't say it went well. I wasn't impressed.

I WAS impressed with him until he showed up. I loved the way he talked to me. He was very sweet, very very complimentary and very respectful. I get tons of messages and they range from the obscene to the sweet, and he was definitely at the sweet end of the spectrum. He was perfect. He said I was perfect. We exchanged snapchat names and snaps, and he was as cute as his profile pics. Yay!! And he thought I was just perfect. I couldn't wait to meet him.

He insisted he coudn't wait. We discussed our schedules and decided to meet this morning at 7:30. Then after some texting we decided fuck I'd just sneak him in after midnight. So that's what I did last night!

It was pouring rain, but that didn't deter him. He was staying with his mom literally 5 minutes away. He came in and he had a hoodie on. He was much smaller than he looked in his pics (he looked like six feet tall; I think he was more like 5-9) and he was really taken with how big my house was. He wanted a tour so I gave him a short tour, and he was just like "wow" and my house isn't even that big. Then we went upstairs to my bedroom.

I can't remember if he kissed me when we met at the door; I think he did but it was NOTHING like F. He was nothing like F. F devoured me, couldn't get enough of me and was SO into me. This guy, let's call him Harry (for Harry Styles since he looked a lot like him) acted the complete opposite of the way he talked in his texting.

He was attentive once the clothes started coming off. He was very cute, very skinny (yum) and seemed very comfortable with his body. He seemed experienced and wasn't afraid to make the first move. He had sent me a very sexy shirtless Snapchat just before he came over and you could see the tip of his hard cock in it. It got me very turned on.

He took off his hoodie and laid back down and laid down on my bed, and grabbed me and started kissing me. It was passionate and I liked it BUT he tasted like cigarettes. If I'm drunk it turns me on, if I'm not (and I wasn't) it kind of turns me off. But he was a good kisser.

I liked his skinny body and climbed on top of him and straddled him. I loved rubbing my crotch over his hard cock and teasing him. I was wearing a red bra and thong and a sexy red teddy over it. He loved squeezing the shit out of my nipples--no one had ever done it like that before! That was hot. He'd alternate squeezing them with sucking them. That was so hot.

I couldn't wait to taste him. He promised me he was manscaped and he delivered. It was a beautiful sight, and it didn't take me long to slurp those balls right into my mouth and suck that hard cock of his. He wasn't terribly huge which I was glad! I was able to take his entire dick in my mouth. He loved it.

We made out for a little while, then he took off my teddy and undid my bra. It was hot. The guy knew what he was doing. It wasn't too long till he took control and I loved it. He flipped me over, slid off my red panties, grabbed my legs and lifted me to his mouth. He buried his face in my pussy and it was amazing!!!! I wish he'd stayed there longer or gone back for more but he was eager to get inside of me. He asked where the condoms were and grabbed one off my nightstand. This part was so fun--he's on his knees in front of me, big hard dick pointing up at the ceiling and he tears open the package and slides the condom on. Fucking sexy. I'm getting turned on just writing about it!

With one hand on my ass and one hand on his dick, he pushed it into me and fucked me hard. One or two thrusts, and he said, "oh no, I'm coming already" and he was done. I got up and got him a towel and he cleaned himself up in it and I went and tossed it in the trash and came back. He was putting his clothes on when I got back and I said, "Stay please?" He said he wasn't leaving but just wanted to put his clothes on. I said "Ok" and I stayed naked. He laid down on his tummy and I laid down next to him. He got his phone and I got mine; I texted my hubby to let him know what was going on. He was 30,000 feet in the air on a plane headed for Asia but he was super turned on.

Harry scrolled through his pictures and described them to me. He's really into cars and "crotch rockets" and had some cool videos of him racing. What a rush! I liked that he was an adrenaline junkie. So is F. They don't know each other (as far as I know) but they have so much in common. He showed me pics of his sister and his mom, his dad, and his best friend who's in the Army. He seemed like he really just needed to talk about himself to someone who gave a shit, like he was lonely. He seemed very sad, and as he scrolled through his pics he let me see who he really was, which was really awesome. What was sad was he didn't seem interested in ME at all. I offered to show him MY phone, which is full of pics too LOL and he said, "Yeah!" but never put his phone down or ask me to show it to him. He seemed very far away, even though he was laying right next to me.

What I did like was he was a gentleman the whole time, and what I liked was he didn't get all ashamed and get up and leave embarrassedly like my last two Tinder guys. I liked that he stayed, but we didn't really connect. He wasn't into me it seemed. He never really looked at me, or asked me any questions about myself. He was totally into his own world. The only time he was into me was during sex. F was into me before, during AND after and that's what I'm looking for.

Harry had texted me that he wanted to spend the night, or at least stay till the wee morning hours, but he left about an hour after he arrived. He said he had school at 6:30 am, which it occurred to me later that it must've been a lie cuz he had originally been planning on coming to see me THIS morning at 7:30 after I dropped my daughter off at school. SOOOOO......whatever. I mean, I liked him a lot, and I'd definitely give him a second chance, but I won't pursue him at all. It will be up to him. It wasn't satisfying to me at all.

Back to the drawing board as they say.

Anna blows it again

Okay so I haven't had a chance to fill you in on the latest exciting news about F, the one guy I just can't get out of my mind. I hadn't heard from him since Christmas, when he texted me, "Merry Christmas" and that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch cuz he'd been really busy. And then I'd texted him obviously too many times, hoping he'd come over and stay with me as my husband and daughter had left to go visit family and I had the house to myself for four days. He'd never responded, and broke my heart.

Three months have gone by, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I pass his fire house on the way to work every day, not just because I'm hoping to see his car (which I have never even once seen it) but because it's truly the fastest way to get to work. I have left him alone. I have too much pride to continue to chase someone who doesn't want to be caught. I've actively tried to replace him but so far no one has stepped into those big shoes.

So the most incredible thing happened Saturday! I took a different route to work, just thinking maybe traffic would be lighter going a different way since it was so early in the morning. I got off the freeway offramp, and as I made the turn, there was a white Jeep coming off the offramp from my right. Guess who it was????!! YES!!! IT WAS F!!!

I nearly shit my pants. I recognized it from his profile pic. One thing I have to stop here and add is that his parents are rich. His dad is a businessman, I'm not exactly sure what he does, but he replaced his red Ferrari with a yellow Lambo, and F is totally into cars as well. He has two, the white Jeep and another one I can't say here for fear of discovery, but suffice it to say it's one-of-a-kind too. A black car is all I can say.

I recognize the Jeep instantly, and I start shaking. OMG OMG OMG It's HIM!!!!!! THE ONE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IS RIGHT THERE!!! He pulls behind me!!! And I have to say that I also have a one-of-a-kind car, with a personalized license plate to boot, and he's seen and been in my car. He HAS to know it's me he's behind, right???? As we both go through the green light, I wonder if he'll flash his lights at me or honk or do something to acknowledge me. He doesn't.

A half mile after the green light, he gets into the left hand turn lane, and sadly, he doesn't do anything to acknowledge me. I was too far ahead for our cars to be side-by-side or I'd have waved at least. At that split-second, I want to jerk my steering wheel and follow him. I look GOOD---I'm on my way to work, my outfit is hot and my hair and makeup are looking fine and it's actually a perfect moment to run into the man I can't get out of my heart.

I do no such thing and keep driving straight to work, shaking the whole time.

I felt like I blew it.

But I rationalized that I made that choice to not follow him based on the fact that number 1, he never texted me back three months ago and has made no effort to see or talk to me, and number 2, he didn't acknowledge me so probably, I saved myself humiliation.

I got to work and had to shut my phone off and put it in my locker. I prayed that he'd text me.

Three or so hours later, I had my 15 min break, and grabbed my phone. Sadly, no text from him. I couldn't stand it. I texted him, "Was that you behind me on 83 this morning?" And I sat down, got my sandwich, and waited. I feverishly texted my hubby and my BFF what happened. And then a text from him came!!! I was SO fucking excited I took a screenshot of his name!!!! And guess what he said??
"who is this?" My heart sank. He must've deleted me from his phone. I was heartbroken.

I answered, "(my name)". He wrote back, "(my name) who lol but ya that was me." I wrote back my last name with the two pink hearts emoticon. He wrote again, "well hi (my name)" My heart jumped back into my chest hopefully! I said, "How are you handsome? Lookin hot in that hot jeep". He wrote right back again!!! "Thanks its my buddies actually! I've been good, busy working a lot. How've you been?" I wrote, "Me too! Working and working out...doing good! Would love to see you again" (no punctuation because I usually use too much and he uses too little. Not like me, I HATE bad punctuation but I was trying to mimic his style.

Then my fifteen-minute break was over, and I had to put my phone back in my locker for the next 3 hours. I went back to work with a spring in my step, hoping and praying he'd write me again. I couldn't WAIT to clock out and grab my phone. And sure enough, there were 2 texts from him waiting for me!!!! I couldn't read them fast enough! And here's what he'd said, "Yeah we need to see each other soon! Def once I get back from vacation" (again, no punctuation) and then a second text, "How has work been for you" (again, no punctuation). It was now three hours later. I answered back, "Sorry for the delay I've been at work lol where are you going? We are headed to California can't wait" (punctuation left out on purpose)

The a second text to him, "Work is crazy can't wait to get away. But more excited to see you again" with a kiss emoticon. Haven't heard back.

So, once again, I said too much, and probably seemed needy. I decided to just let it go and wait and see what he does. I was SO happy he responded so positively, he could've ignored me like he did before but he didn't! He even said, "We NEED to see each other" so I'm going with that!

AND THEN YESTERDAY HAPPENED.

I've been attending a creative writing class at the junior college every semester, including summer, for the last 2 years. This one is every Tuesday night, 7-9 pm. I always race in at the last minute, and last night was no different. There's never a place to park, I always have to wait for someone whose class let out at 7 leave. Well, last night was no different, a woman was just pulling out and I took her spot.

Guess whose car was right in front of mine.

YES!!! F's black sports car!!!!!!

I couldn't fucking believe it!! There was no question it was his. I know what it looks like. It was in my driveway for Christ's sake. And to make sure, I grabbed my phone and quickly looked at his profile pic on his Facebook page, and yep, the tell-tale sign was the distinctive wheels and the little tree air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.

I couldn't believe the irony. Twice in four days???? I took a pic of our two cars together, and did the dumbest thing I could've done.

Sent it to him with a text, "I just parked for class..is this your car next to mine? lol"

He has not responded.

I didn't think anything of it; to me, it was hilariously ironic that I'd see him twice in four days. And I honest-to-God didn't even know he was taking classes here!! He graduated already with his firefighter degree (whatever it's called) and he had told me he wanted to quit and follow in his father's footsteps, so yeah, maybe he's taking business classes but I had no knowledge of that whatsoever. So I could not believe here was his car, and the only parking space available had been no choice of my own whatsoever. It literally felt like fate was bringing us together again. Even my BFF said so.

I went to class and couldn't stop looking at my phone, waiting for him to respond. I figured he's in class and hasn't seen it, he'll respond at some point. He hasn't. Which upset me but not too much UNTIL BOTH MY HUSBAND AND MY BFF TOLD ME THEY THOUGHT IT LOOKED CREEPY.
THAT'S NOT HOW I WANTED TO LOOK TO HIM.

To me, it was just, "OMG how ironic is THIS!!!!" and honestly, if I'd been parked next to any friend of mine I'd have done the same thing.

When both my husband and BFF told me how creepy that was that I took that pic and sent it to him, I literally started to shake again and cry. What is wrong with me??? Why did I not see it that way??? Why couldn't I just think it myself how awesome it is that he was right there too??? That wow, maybe one Tuesday night if I got there a little earlier, I might bump into him??? BUT NO I HAD TO GO AND RUIN IT. I ALWAYS SAY AND DO THE WRONG THINGS WITH THIS MAN.

I said to my BFF, "How about I text him and say something like, "OMG that totally was hilarious that I'd run into you twice in four days. I didn't know you were going to classes here" or "I thought that was so ironic I just had to say hi". She said, "NO do not say anything else. It's too late for that. You should've done that right after you sent it. Just lay low now for awhile." So to me, that signified, "You fucked up."

I hate that I did that, I hate that I couldn't see that it might upset him, or anyone for that matter. I honestly thought he'd respond, "LOL how crazy is that??" and then ask me about my class, and I'd ask him about his, and so on. But no. I must've made him think I'm stalking him.

FUCK.

So I've probably ruined that chance with him. I need to forget him now. No more texting him. If I see his car again I will pretend I didn't. I won't follow him or acknowledge him.

But I got out of class (we ended early), and his car was still there next to mine. I looked at it wistfully; I touched it, and I was surprised it was a little dirty. I feared touching it would set off an alarm! It was freezing out, so I got in my car and started the engine to warm up, and just sat there for a few minutes thinking about him. Thinking about, "HE'S HERE!!! HE'S IN THIS SAME BUILDING AS ME!" and hoping and wondering when he'd come out. I wanted to sit there and wait for him (and of course, make it look like I just got there hahaha). But I didn't. I left.

I thought that him coming out and seeing that I was gone would make him feel relieved, like it wasn't stalking nor a big deal. I didn't leave a note on his car, I didn't do anything else. I just left. And who knows what he thinks about it. I am definitely leaving him alone now.

I was planning on texting him when I hear back from Holli and Michael about next week's Playboy Radio show. Did I tell you we might be guests again? They are currently rearranging their guest schedule to accommodate us. I was going to leave F alone until I knew the date and time we were going to be on it and then tell him to listen. I probably won't now.

Time to move on.

Sexy pics for you!

Good morning dear lovlies! Have you enjoyed the pics of my sexy men I posted just for you??? Aren't they delicious???? Feel free to leave me your comments!! And NO you cannot have their phone numbers!!!!

I still don't know when we will get to hook up though unfortunately. My hubby and I are still riding the fucking rollercoaster of his infidelities, and although things are going well, it is still too tenous to add other guys sadly. I do miss my hotties, but they have to be an addition to my life, not a substitute for my hubby. And right now we have to get solid before we go back to swinging again.

We do both miss it. It's just harder now. I'd be ok if he never wanted to be with another female, but how fair is that?? It's not, but hey, I didn't ask to be cheated on so that wasn't fair to ME. I allowed him to have HER but he lied and cheated on me behind my back about her so HE IS THE ONE THAT FUCKED IT ALL UP. 

I am working on me. We are talking more, counseling has been helping. I am trying to find my way. The cognitive dissonance of infidelity does SO much damage, if I can implore you all to be HONEST in every way with the significant other in your life. This whole notion of "trying to protect" them by withholding the truth only hurts worse when the truth finally comes out, and believe me, IT WILL COME OUT. It took 16 years for the truth of his first affair to come out, and it hurts worse and makes it that much harder to recover from. I look at him and wonder, "who the fuck is this person I've been married to all these years??" He's had this secret double life I had NO FUCKING IDEA about. Trying to rebuild trust is THAT much harder by his cowardice in not coming forward. 

If you've cheated on your significant other, I beg you to come clean RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. They deserve to know. They deserve to be able to make their own choices and not have you manipulate them to stay with you. That is honestly the hardest part--I hate my husband for not giving me the opportunity to decide  FOR MYSELF if I wanted to stay with a cheater. He manipulated me into staying for 16 years by withholding the truth from me. How can I ever forgive him for that?? And, in addition, I gave up my friends, my family, my life, my kids' friends and life, to move clear across the country for him. Yes, it's been a good move, but that is because THAT IS WHO I AM. I MAKE THE BEST OF IT. I have moved with him over 8 times during our marriage, and if I'd known he'd cheated on me maybe I'd have divorced him 16 years ago. Or three, after the second affair. HE CHEATED ME OUT OF MAKING CHOICES.

So I implore you to remember this quote from survivinginfidelity.com---"The truth hurts, but lies hurt more."

Enjoy you life by living authentically.

Go and be happy my sexy readers.

Random shit

I made a realization yesterday writing a new post for my other blog. I realized that THIS blog is written FOR YOU DEAR READERS. It has always been for YOU. My other blog has been only for ME, up until the first reader started commenting on my posts and how much I was helping her. We live thousands of miles away from each other and sadly will most likely never meet, but we have become close friends. Going through the trauma of infidelity has bonded us forever, and we help and support each other. I'll bet it's akin to the bond cancer survivors have with one another; thankfully I wouldn't know first-hand but my BFF is a 5-year breast cancer survivor and I see how she instantly bonds with other cancer survivors. The biggest differences between cancer survivors and infidelity survivors are first of all, they aren't ashamed to tell the whole world their triumphant story of survival. We are. I am extremely careful deciding who I can tell and who I can't. It is extremely shameful and social support for infidelity survivors is next to nill. Are there any fundraisers to help prevent infidelity? Hmmm, um, NO. Do you see a color devoted to the prevention and support of those affected by infidelity?? Again, no. 5K runs? T-shirts? No. But yet there is much in common between those affected by cancer and those affected by a spouse or significant other's infidelity.

Sorry to digress. My point is that in sharing our pain, not just our happiness, we bond with others. I have bonded more with you over my pain than the fun sex I'd been having. I am certain that the moment a person hears her doctor say, "It's cancer" has the same devastating effect as when infidelity is discovered or revealed. My BFF and I discuss it at length and she agrees it is equally devastating, or more so with infidelity. Sadly, she has suffered both, so she has become an unwitting expert on both topics.

I realized that the purpose of this blog has always been to entertain, and my other blog was to help myself heal. I didn't expect anyone else to ever read it; it has helped me keep my sanity and get to where I am now. I have always been aware that my lifestyle is titillating and secretive, and that's what made it so fun to write and share the details with you. I had no idea the sex stories about me and certain females were actually skanks that my husband had had affairs with. Discovering this nearly sent me to the loony bin. Naturally, I deleted those posts. I was physically ill just doing so. I was forced to look at the words I'd written, the sex I'd had with them, and the way my husband had lied and manipulated me into doing so. It was more than I could bear.

The so-called "anti-versary" of D-Day #1 is coming up in a few weeks. Just four days shy of my birthday. I have dreaded this day and the other D-day anti-versaries coming up. I had told my H (husband) that I was planning on going back to California and seeing my BFF to get through it. He has begged me not to. He said he'll take the day off to be with me. He said that even though it's not a day to celebrate, in a way it is to HIM, because we are still together, and he is eternally grateful to me for giving him a second chance. I have decided I will not go to California to run away from it.

We have been getting along very very well. I have gone on a half-dosage of my PTSD meds (Setraline, 25 mg from 50 mg) and although I haven't lost a pound, I am very relieved my obsessiveness hasn't returned like it did the first time I tried to reduce the dosage.

With a new year now, like most people, I always make resolutions, and I can never stick with them. I have found out that I probably have adult ADHD and am going in for testing next week! It explains so much about me that I don't like about myself and have been unable to fix my whole life. I stumbled across information about it just going online and pun intended, was distracted by a byline about "adult ADHD" and clicked on it. Like a huge fucking lightbulb going off!!! So just knowing this is probably true about me, I am instantly being more kind and compassionate with myself. Just cleaning my house, my desk, the laundry, it is all overwhelming to me and now I know why!! So I am doing so much better and feeling better about myself.

If you've read this far, you will be happy to read that this post does have sex in it!! YAY!!!

I have spent a lot of time with my BF Allen lately. Did I mention he is gorgeous???? And he's 27 years old!!!! About 6-2, long straight blonde hair (about chin length), blue eyes, sexy body. And he seems to like me. We just had our one-year anniversary! And remember, for about 6 months of it, we had nothing to do with each other because of the separation and problems with my marriage. He waited for me! Actually saw no one else the whole time. He came to the last 2 band performances we did. New Year's Even he rode in my car with me and stayed the entire show! He helped carry in equipment and we also got drunk together in between sets. He is a doll. He came home with me and we had a short but fun romp in the guest room bed, where my hubby secretly watched from the doorway without him knowing. It was awesome! But the problem is, he didn't cum, and neither did I. Once again, no orgasms. WTF???? He does have a smallish cock but it used to cum just nicely so I don't know what's going on. I am getting bored and annoyed and looking for a new boytoy.

I am off to therapy, and no, I have not told my therapist about my seeing another guy. He is of the clear mind that neither my H nor I are healthy enough or stable enough to handle having other people in our marriage and he is probably right, and I don't want to hear it. I know that's bad, but believe it or not, I'm fucked up enough in so many other ways, we have PLENTY to talk about and work on that has nothing to do with fucking other guys.

(A private note to "Anonymous" here--I didn't get to respond the way I wanted to, but just know that I agree with you now about anger and the one-year mark. I will write to you soon.)

I hope everyone reading this has a great year, and you can do that by BEING HONEST with yourself and everyone around you ALL THE TIME. Secrets kill. Live honestly or die in your lies, but don't make anyone else suffer for your sins.

Goodbye 2012, it was the shittiest year of my life. Here's hoping 2013 continues to be better.

Slut level goes up--second new hottie in one week!

From the moment our eyes locked as I took his coat from him, I knew Adam would be spending the night with me. He was better looking in person than his profile pic--yay! and he just had an easy smile and comfort in his own skin that was making my heart beat faster. I couldn't wait to be taking off his pants instead.

                                                          

                                                                 *****************

Every time someone new had come to the door for our pre-New Year's Eve party my heart leapt--my new hottie Adam was coming! We hadn't even met yet but I had invited him anyway. What a brazen slutty thing to do! My hubby was fine with it--he was excited too to see who I had chosen for my new sex partner. Hew knew he would be young and fit and very good looking; I tend to be extremely picky and will go for long periods of abstinence (with guys other than my hubby) if I don't meet anyone who meets my standards.

I had found Adam on the dating website; his sexy physique and handsome face caught my attention amidst the hundreds of pics and emails I get on a weekly basis. He was tall and had glasses (I love a sexy dork!), lots of tattoos, slender and a pretty-boy face.  24 years old. His message was simple and sweet-"Hey beautiful, how are you today?" I responded, "Better now that I got this email from you!" and gave him my phone number. He texted me right away. We clicked immediately and I felt at ease with him. He was just the right amount of flirtatious and sweet, not at all creepy. (I can tell creepy from texting, yes). In other words, he seemed interested in me-the-person, not just someone to fuck and forget.

We had an intimate group of friends from my work, mostly 20-somethings and I hoped he'd fit right in. I was actually surprised he said he'd come to the party--he didn't know anyone, barely even me. What a great attitude! I was impressed. I do like a little bit of arrogance, I think it's sexy to have that much confidence.

He had let himself in as most of the guests had; it was snowing out and we didn't want anyone standing on the porch freezing while they waited for someone to open the door. Every time I heard the door close, I'd run over to greet my guests, take their coats, and get them something to drink. I was so excited to meet him.  When he was actually standing there, I didn't hesitate to clip-clop over in my stilettos to greet him. With a big smile and eager eyes, the chemistry between us was instantaneous, and I knew the evening would end with us naked together.

It was awkward at first, but the sexual tension is always fun. I love the anticipation; and it was only around 8:30 and the party was just getting going. There were about 15 people, and I played the good hostess, making sure the food was attractive and available and everyone had a drink in their hand. My hubby had made a cool music playlist that was just perfect. Everyone seemed to stay in the kitchen and I was happy seeing everyone laughing and enjoying themselves. Especially my hubby, who had to put up with my new boytoy and the discomfort and erotic tension having him in our house, among our friends. Only one person other than my hubby knew who he really was; everyone else thought he was just a groupie that we'd met at one of our shows. I don't really have groupies, but Adam said he'd be happy to tell people that's how we met. Being a singer in a rock band allows me to have friends like Adam and not have people bat their eyes for a second.

He seemed to be getting along well with a couple of other young guys, so I pretty much left him alone so it wouldn't be obvious we knew each other well; as if I had brought him so he could meet one of the pretty young girls there. Hahaha, no, he was mine, all mine. And he behaved himself so well. I never saw him flirting or even talking to anyone other than guys the whole night, and he only had one beer. I did enjoy teasing him and teasing myself; as my intake of martinis rose, I got braver and friskier. He was leaning against the granite island in my kitchen, and I walked up to him and pressed my pelvis against his, holding my martini. He looked at me with a sly grin, and I asked him, "How are you doing?" "Fine!" he answered, and put his hand on my hip. I was smiling and said, "Good! I'm glad!" and pulled away from him. Mmm I was already getting wet for him. I couldn't wait for everyone to leave so I could take him upstairs and take our clothes off. I sidled up to my hubby after that to check and make sure he was okay too. A sexy gleam in his eye, a grab and a kiss, and he whispered in my ear, "Let's get rid of everyone so you can have your boytoy." Great idea!

By about 2:00 am, our party had dwindled to a small group of about 5 really fun, mostly drunk friends. One was sober and the designated driver, so they all finally left. Only me, my hubby and Adam, and  one other person was still hanging out, my boss. The one I play tennis with occasionally and have had a crush on. He was way beyond inebriated, so my hubby made up a spot on the couch for him. I was so focused on getting Adam upstairs I actually forgot he was there. I was tipsy myself but not drunk. Just happy tipsy, the best kind.

I took Adam by the hand and led him upstairs to the guest bedroom. It's a very pretty room I keep clean for guests--hee hee, usually the young, male kind! My hubby walked upstairs with us; he winked at me  and slapped me hard on my ass and told me to go fuck my new boyfriend. I smiled and said, "As you wish Master", and he went to our room to wait for me to finish with my new hottie.

Adam and I walked hand-in-hand to the guest room, and as soon as we got there, he started unbuttoning his black shirt. I only had on a tight dress, no zippers, so I just kicked off my stilettos and helped him. This is just about my favorite part. Off came the dress shirt, then the white T-shirt underneath, which revealed a smooth, bare chest with just a few sexy tattoos. Before I undid his belt, I wanted to touch his body. There was no rush. He began to kiss me and he was a great kisser. I slid my hands around his torso and pulled him close and grinded my hips to his, rubbing his growing erection with my pelvis.  He kissed me deeply and passionately; mmmm a prelude to the great sex I knew was about to happen.

As we kissed, I couldn't wait another second to let his cock out. I undid his belt, and rubbed his hard cock through his boxers. Mmmm I love to tease myself. He felt so good and as I rubbed him he kissed me and kissed me. He was great with his tongue; and I didn't realize it till then that he had a double tongue piercing. It was so sexy! I'd never kissed anyone who had their tongue pierced, and his was double-pierced, so it was double sexy. He was clearly enjoying himself and so was I.

I pulled his pants down mid-kiss, and he stepped out of them. It was time to get THIS party started! He walked over to the bed and laid down on his back. I slipped out of my dress to reveal a sexy leopard strapless bra and lavender lace boy-short panties. Admiring my new outfit, he smiled and pulled me onto him for some more pelvis grinding and deep kissing. I could kiss him all night and never get enough, I thought, as he undid my bra and tossed it to the floor. I was so wet and ready for him, but the anticipation was so much fun.

Finally I grabbed his boxers at the hips and pulled them off. His cock was at full salute and I was hungry for a taste. I started at his neck and kissed and nibbled and bit lightly, teasing him, while my body was grazing his throbbing cock. He was so ready for me.  Down his chest my tongue went, tasting his beautiful young body, down his tummy. I rubbed his cock with my hand while I tasted his sweet flesh, and made my way down to his testicles and sucked and licked them. He writhed in ecstasy; it was so gratifying to know I was pleasing him. His back was arched and his hips went up and down in pleasure as I sucked and licked his balls, then up to his dick. Mmmm he was delicious. I realized then that he wasn't that big--I actually could take his entire penis in my mouth and not gag. I liked it! After B with his 10 incher it was a pleasure to not have a plunger down my throat. I liked that he was smaller and I could really please him.

I then laid down next to him and our bodies were so warm against each other. It was erotic, knowing there was 2 feet of snow outside and we were sweating. He fingered me like a magician and I came so fast and hard. I love how I can relax now and let other guys make me cum. I remember when I couldn't and only my hubby was capable of bringing me to orgasm. Not anymore!  It was my new mission--to have an orgasm with every new lover. So far I was 3 for 3!

I'd had an entire evening of foreplay. Now it was time to fuck him. I leaned over to the nightstand where I'd brought a couple of condoms, and opened one up. I think this part is so sexy. I put it over his hard cock and he flipped me gently onto my back and fucked me so hard. He had this hard fucking move he called "the jackhammer" and it was just like it sounds. Hard, fast, and nonstop. Even though he was smaller, fucking still felt just as great.

I just love how these young guys can fuck and fuck and fuck for so long and not come. I got a text from my hubby--who was just down the hall remember--and he seemed upset. "Seems you're not coming back to me tonight huh?" I realized more than an hour and a half had passed! I texted him back, "Of course I am baby! He's not done with me yet." My hubby texted me back, "Well, make him cum. I'm tired of waiting." So I knew I had to wrap things up with him.

We changed positions quite a few times, and I've learned the 'money shot" seems to be doggie style. And guys always want it, so I showed him my ass and that's all it took. Crouched on all fours on the bed, he shoved his dick in my pussy and did his "jackhammer" move and I grabbed the comforter in my hands and moaned into it. It didn't hurt as badly as when Mr. Passionate or B fucked me doggie-style cuz he wasn't as large but it was a relief. It felt good without pain (although pain can be so pleasurable...) He must've fucked me that way for at least a half hour if not longer, but finally, he shot his load into me and laid on his back, his arm tucked around me.

I took off the condom for him and laid it on the nightstand. I wanted to fall asleep that way, protective and sweet and loving, but my hubby needed attention. We nuzzled and chatted a little; I apologized I couldn't spend the night with him, that my hubby wanted me, but if he'd like to spend the night I'd come back and fuck him in the morning. Our kids were at friends' houses overnight and wouldn't be back till afternoon. He said he though he was probably going to go home. We kissed and said our goodbyes and I let him know how much I enjoyed him and would definitely want him again. He agreed, and I left him laying there and went to my hubby. I felt exhilarated and sad.

My hubby was tucked under the covers, naked, his cock hard and ready. "I listened outside your room", he told me. "I heard you fucking him. It was so hot!" He fucked me for like 3 minutes and came so hard; he was so aroused he couldn't hold it back another second. It was awesome. I love it when he wants me that badly he can't stand it.

I heard Adam say, "Bye" as I saw a glimpse of him in the dark pass by our room. I wish he'd joined us for more. I wondered how he felt, sharing me the way he did. Well, he got me first, and he got the best of me, that's for sure.

My hubby and I fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. It was a GREAT party.
                                           
 BTW, Adam and I have a date for Thursday. My house, 1:00 o'clock in the afternoon.

I can't wait.

My Slutty afternoon--I'm still smiling

I knew the moment our eyes met that I wanted to go back to my place and fuck him. I was sitting at the bar of a nice Mexican restaurant that was pleasantly dim-lit and bustling with the typical business-man lunch crowd. I was uncomfortable enough sitting alone at a bar all dressed up and I noticed with all the guys staring at me. Even the busboys, all Hispanic, one-by-one kept making excuses to come up and see if I needed anything. I was bemused. I ordered a Grey Goose and sugar-free Red Bull. It was one o'clock in the afternoon. Mr-Same-Name-as-my-Hubby finally agreed to meet me--he suggested a Starbucks but I knew I needed a drink.  I was so nervous, horny and excited, and I felt like such a slut. I hoped I didn't run into anyone I knew.

I got there a little early to get my bearings. I was glad I did. I'd finished about half my vodka when Mr. Good Looking walked in. He spotted me right away. I smiled in relief when I saw him. He was definitely as cute as his pics. He was smaller than I imagined--about 5-9, small in stature but very good looking.  Short black hair, very blue eyes, a dimple in his chin and full sexy lips. Mmmmm. He was dressed in a nice blue suit, white dress shirt, and simple blue and black striped tie. Yum. 

I got up and gave him a welcome hug.  We were both smiling. I felt at ease with him instantly. He had a calm demeanor, and we seemed to click right away.  I was wearing a sexy black knit mini-skirt, black leggings, and 4-inch black velvet stillettos and a navy blue blouse that showed off my cleavage. I felt pretty good about my looks and I liked all the attention I was getting.  He sat down next to me and just ordered a glass of water. Conversation flowed easily; he seemed comfortable in his own skin and clearly a good listener as well as a speaker. He's a financial planner; very successful at only age 25. I was impressed but he talked in such a way that wasn't braggy. I really liked him.I could smell his cologne and I was getting so wet staring at his sexy mouth as he talked.

We chatted for about a half hour, and I felt like I could spend all day talking with him. BUT---we met later than I had planned (he'd had an appointment) and I had to work at 3:00 so I glanced at my iphone and saw that it was almost 2:00! I smiled and said, "well, we'd better get going if we're going to have any fun." He smiled and said, "Let's go!" He followed me in his brand-new Mercedes to my house. Thankfully, it was only a 10 minute drive. I couldn't wait to get that suit off of him.

I gave him a very brief tour of the main floor of my house, and he met my over-zealous dog and they liked each other instantly. I took this as a good sign.  Chatting about something, I don't remember what, I led him upstairs to my bedroom. To the bedroom I share with my husband, who shares the same name as him. We had less than an hour, but I knew it would be perfect.

I closed my bedroom door, and he was standing by my bed. He took off his jacket, and seeing that it was a very nice suit jacket, I offered to hang it up for him. He politely accepted. "To keep the dog hair off" I laughed. I went into my walk-in closet and hung it up for him, and when I came back, he was still completely dressed otherwise. I slowly loosened up his tie, which he then took off. I unbuttoned all the buttons on his dress shirt and loosened up his belt, and then I pulled him close to me and kissed him. Mmm I wanted him so badly and loved rubbing up against the hard cock in his pants. I love this part of lovemaking--the "just before" part. Where the desire is SO strong and you know what's ahead. The anticipation. I love to make it last.

He was so gentle, I felt instantly relaxed. I knew I could take charge with this guy. I was making out with him, fully clothed. It was electric. I remembered I had to get to work soon so we had to get busy. I loosened up his belt and unbuttoned the top button of his pants. He took them off and I got down to my lavendar panties and bra. He giggled about taking off his socks. With his T-shirt still on, I laid down on the bed and he climbed on top of me. We kissed and made out, but he was very passive. Not like my hubby or Mickey, who quickly grab and suck my breasts. He didn't even try to lick my pussy. (Maybe it was the time factor-if I get another chance with him we'll see).  He did finger me and played with my clit. Mmmm I wanted more. Damn job!!

We were laying now side-by-side, and I couldn't wait to put his hard cock in my mouth. I gave him the best BJ I'm sure he's ever had (hehe) and then reached over to my side table drawer and pulled out a condom. He tore it open and put it on--I do think that is incredibly sexy!--and I climbed on top of him and put that big dick inside me. He fucked me hard. Mr. Passive fucked me hard and after a 6-month dry spell (yes, Jake was my last other guy besides my hubby!) it felt so fucking good to fuck a new guy. I couldn't get enough. I didn't want to stop. I considered calling in sick to work right in the middle of fucking him. We went at it hard, changing positions, and just fucking, fucking, fucking. It was awesome. 

His body was small; like Mickey's, but his cock wasn't (just like Mickey's). Mmmm, maybe something will develop with this hottie and I can forget about Mickey once and for all.

As much fun as we were having, I needed him to cum so I could get to work! He knew it too and told me, "turn around". He wanted me doggy-style. He put his hands on my hips and fucked me harder than he had all afternoon; I was grabbing onto the comforter with both hands as tight as I could and screaming into it. It felt amazing. Sure enough, he came hard and grabbed me from behind and held me tight. After he pulled out, I took the condom off for him and went to the bathroom and flushed it. I came back and he was shaking. "Are you ok?" I asked him. "Yeah", he said, "That was awesome!" I told him yeah, it was, and that I was sorry I had to go so quickly. That I wish we had more time together. He agreed.

I went to get my dorky uniform, and he was putting his suit back on. Damn he looked hot. I love a good-looking guy in a suit--I love taking it off of them!! I grabbed my clothes and got dressed next to him. It was fun, I couldn't help but just watch him. It was sexy. His blue eyes really shone in the daylight sun coming through my bedroom windows.

We hurried downstairs and when we got to the door, I stopped and held him for a moment. I gave him a kiss and looked him in those blue eyes and said, "will I see you again?" and he said, "yes, definitely!" I said, "Oh good!" and we left. I had a smile all the way to work (btw I was 10 minutes late!) and I'm still smiling.

another guy flakes out on me.....

OK WTF is going on??!!! Mr. Same-name-as-my-hubby cancelled meeting me yet again yesterday, and begged me to give him another chance. He begged he'd "make it up to me". Well, I texted him 3 times today--spaced out like 3 hours apart...never heard back. I told him "you could make it up to me tomorrow." Crickets. I finally wrote a little while ago, "Did I do something wrong?? You're not writing back." Still nothing. Now remember, he's courted me for a YEAR. He never had a face pic so I ignored him. I didn't realize what a hottie he was. Now I'm smitten and more than a little pissed off!! WTF???!!

Can anyone tell me what I keep doing wrong??!! Is it me??!! I am honest and I plan to show up. With this guy, I didn't even mention I was married, in case that was what was scaring these guys away--you know, worrying some crazed husband was going to come after them. I played it like I was single. So WTF. I'm bummed.

I'm really getting tired of this. Aren't there any guys out there that really want to meet me? :(

I have already undressed him in my mind...time to do it in person!

At one o'clock tomorrow I hope to be laying my eyes on my new boytoy face to face! I am so excited I can hardly stand it! He had cancelled our date last week and I was SO disappointed! Said he was sick. Tried again Thursday, same thing. I said I was free Friday night, and he just said he felt like staying home. Apologized and we have rescheduled for tomorrow. He lives only 15 minutes away and has been wanting to come over in the evening but I have my kids and hubby in the evenings, so maybe he's just timid, who knows. I am excited to meet him! He could be my new Mickey. If not him then.......I have someone ELSE who's REALLY interested and has been trying to get together with me! He lives about 100 miles away, not good, but he's really persistent AND young, he's 23 too, and very good looking. Great, hard body, long dark brown hair, yes, very long, past his shoulders and he looks like a rocker boy--tattoos, long thick hair. Young and very hot. I REALLY like him and every day he texts me, "come see me today". He is nice, not gross at all like some guys, I really hate too much sex talk with someone i haven't even met, it makes me feel gross and both these guys are sexy and complimentary without being gross.

I got a video from Mickey in the middle of the night last night! OMG it was better than the ones he usually sends, which are always him jerking off (which I love) but never his face. This one was of him, his beautiful face!!! He was shirtless, wearing that same knit cap he always wears, and it was a very short video. He was looking at the camera, and he said, "Does this look official? Cuz you've officially given me a boner." I saw it at like 4 am and I laughed out loud, it cracked me up. I fell back asleep and didn't write back till about 7 am (trying not to seem too desperate). I just said, "you look HOT!" and he wrote me back immediately! We sexted back and forth for a little while. I smiled all day.

My new guy I'm meeting tomorrow (who has the same name as my hubby!) said he will be "dressed in his work clothes." I was frightened LOL and had visions of steel-toed work boots and ugly coveralls. I asked him, 'What do you do?" and he said he's a financial planner and wears a suit tie!! YAY!!! He sent me 2 pics of him in a suit, one a black suit and one brown, and OMG what a handsome young stud!! I told him I can't wait to see him out of it!!! I get really turned on by a good-looking guy in a suit and tie. It's a huge turn on for me. I am already fantasizing about seeing him undress.....first the jacket comes off, and then I'l be able to see that huge bulge in his slacks. Very hot. Then he'll start to loosen his tie, and I'll start unbuttoning his dress shirt, and then as he takes off his tie I'm opening up his shirt with my hands and spread open the shirt to reveal a sexy, manly chest and softly touch it and start to kiss it. Mmmm, that's when I get a whiff of his cologne, and as he takes the shirt off, I'm already wet with anticipation. Then I undo his belt......unzip his zipper......OOOO I'm getting SOOO excited!!!

So I'm really hoping he shows up tomorrow and doesn't send me a lame text he can't make it. If he does, I'm driving to meet the other hottie.  BTW I will give these sexy men pen names if I meet them and bring them home with me. If I do, I'll be writing about it tomorrow night! Cross you fingers for me, your nasty  fingers people!!!!

Drinks at noon, sex by 1:00!

I'm SO excited to meet my new boytoy!! He's gorgeous. He's got black hair, bright blue eyes, and really full lips, just like Mickey. Damn!! He has been persistent in texting me and we are meeting at noon tomorrow, halfway between where we both live. He lives only 15 minutes away from me!!! I am SO glad I finally found someone attractive who will HOPEFULLY show up!!!

I PROMISE to tell you all about it!

Did I tell you he's only 23???

Half my age.

Yum yum!

If you really want to impress me, call me at 4 am.......

B called me at 4 am this morning and told me he wants me to come see him as soon as I get to LA! I can't wait to see him. I feel so comfortable with him--he's so sexy, so comfortable in his own skin. He is just easy to be around. He makes me feel so sexy and he just adores me. I hope he does get me pregnant--i'll have him in my life forever. Chances are 50-50 so we'll see. I really don't know why it's so important to him--I'm happy to just keep him my fuck-buddy, we have such a good time together. And I love that I'm his "dirty little secret". Well, I'd like to be more--damn wouldn't it be cool to be on his arm at some red carpet event?? Damn. Who knows. If I have his baby, the press will eventually find out. I like that I know a side of him no one else knows, cuz he is so comfortable with me.  I love the way he looks right into my eyes when he talks to me, those big brown eyes. I told my BFF about his new commercial and sent her his pic and she was like, DAMN he's HOT!!!!!!!!! I told her, yes, he is! I can't wait to grab that luscious long wavy brown hair in my fist while I ride him. Mmmmm 2 weeks!!!

Mickey is AWOL since I texted him I bought a plane ticket to come see him. I haven't heard a peep. I told him tickets were so cheap I decided to just come see him--that I remembered what he said (meaning about "having me in his life sexually right now is not healthy for me") and that I just wanted to have dinner---that I just want to gaze into those gorgeous blue eyes. No response yet. I'm biting at the bit to keep from contacting him--but going to just sit tight.

In the meantime, I'm writing Mr. Irish Accent daily and keeping in great shape for my romp with B (and hopefully Mickey). I'm down to 123 and look pretty good. I'm happy to say I don't think I need to lose any more weight! I'm all muscle now, what with 2 hours of tennis 5 days a week and weightlifting.

On a different note, my hubby's talking about taking a trip to go see his GF, the one that came here. I have to let him go and not make a fuss---it's only right, right?? Although it wasn't part of our original agreement....I get to do what I want so it's only fair. I don't feel threatened by her so maybe she's the right one for him to do this with.

It's funny---B, and Damien, and all these hot 20-something guys, but all my heart wants is Mickey. I'm really trying to leave him alone. He WILL come back to me, he always does. She's 20 for God's sake. And he's a confirmed committment phobe. I just have to sit tight.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll fall for someone else. I really really really want to. I did fall for Jake, but that ended badly. I wish I knew why. He really made me forget Mickey. That relationship had such promise, but maybe it was all in my head. I KNOW I can get over Mickey if I can just find someone to replace him. I've BEEN looking my dear readers! I really have! And I'm STILL looking!

Tomorrow night I will write about my hubby's GF's visit last month. I promise.

Stay tuned.

Love,
Anna XOXO

Still looking for Mr. Right Now--I might've found him!

Not content to sit around and wait for Mickey to decide what he wants, I turn to my dating website to find some fresh meat. There are so many hot guys on there--the problem is so many just end up exchanging pics and chickening-out when it comes time to meet. BUT---I found someone new--he is a hottie who lives about an hour away with an Irish accent!! He's half my age, and has the most beautiful smile and sparkly brown eyes. He has perfectly straight teeth, and a sexy, disarming smile. So so cute. We have been writing on yahoo messenger all week and we are meeting on Saturday!!  His name is Damian and he's fucking hot. Just the right guy to help me break my unintended sexual sabbatical! Thankfully he lives alone and I'm driving to meet him near where he lives. He's invited me to spend the night....mmmmm I'm thinking about it! I love the pics he's sent me and he loves mine so I'm really hoping he'll be worth the hour drive! I will keep you all updated. Cross you fingers! I could use a hunk like him right now. His compliments and constant attention right now picks me up when I'm down and obsessing over you-know-who. Who, by the way, was online 24/7 and has now gone completely AWOL. His facebook has gone private too. Can't read a thing anymore. Do you think this is all directed at me? How would I know? Enough, Anna, enough.

I'm so annoyed at Mickey's lack of response---my insides are literally tied up in knots wondering what the fuck is going on with Mickey--especially since I looked up "Domestic Partnership" and it says that in his state it is, and I quote, "....almost equivalent to marriage." What I don't know is have they legally done something or was it just, "hey, we're on facebook and we are living together so since there's no "living together" choice they picked this one? Who knows. I know that I'm getting really stalker-ish lately trying to get answers--so I've decided to just stop. I can't keep torturing myself. I didn't really buy a ticket to go see him anyway. I'm not sitting around waiting for an answer. His silence is screaming, "I don't know what to do here!!!"My BFF told me give it a few more days and then send him a text that I hadn't heard from him and that I'm excited to see him, etc. I don't know. I'm tempted to just do nothing. Let him go. I don't want to push him into her arms trying hard to "be a good boy"--HIS words.\

I'm annoyed with myself, and him. He's such an asshole. Why can't he just talk to me like a regular person???? If he's serious about her, why can't he just fucking say it?????

I'll tell you all about my date with Damian as soon as I can! I sure hope there's a spark. He is so cute from his pics so we'll see.

All I know is, I'm ripe for some good ol' fashioned fucking!!!!!

I was watching TV in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner last night and saw "B" in a commercial! I screamed to my hubby, "THAT'S B! LOOK!! and sure enough, there he was! What a hottie! I can't tell you anymore about it cuz certainly you'd know him....I texted him immediately to tell him I saw him, and of course, since he's got the biggest ego of anyone alive he responded right away. He was pleased as punch. I congratulated him and said I wanted to youtube it so I could see it over and over. He laughed. 


I bought my plane ticket to go see him yesterday! Or--should I say, my hubby did. I will be there in 2 weeks. I can't wait to fuck him! MMMMM "B" is delicious. 


I lied to Mickey and told him I bought a plane ticket to see him. I texted him, "hey, flights are so cheap so I bought a ticket. I'll be there on Nov. 13th. Let's just have dinner. I want to gaze into those amazing blue eyes." That was yesterday--haven't heard back yet. I'm sure he's processing it--he wants to see me, he wants more than dinner--but he's living with his GF. BUT-----and this is a big BUT---he has never admitted to having a girlfriend. He doesn't know I stalk him LOL yes I read his facebook and his GF's twitter--hey, if I didn't, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on with him! it's a way to protect myself. Yes, and torture myself, that's true.  He told me a couple weeks ago basically not to come, that seeing me sexually "isn't healthy for me right now, I'm trying to do too much", whatever the fuck that means. He talks so cryptically. Why won't he just admit he's got a GF and they're getting serious? Because he doesn't want to hurt me? Please. Yeah right. It's because he doesn't want me to go away. He wants to know that I'll always be here for him when he wants me. It's like in Toy Story, I don't know which one, I think the first, where Woody says, "It's not how much we're played with; it's that we're here when Andy needs us." That's me for Mickey. It's not how much he plays with me, it's that I'm here when he wants me. Don't tell me I'm pathetic. I already know I am. 


I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine about Mickey, and it really sums up why I put up with him. We were talking about being "in love", and what does that really mean? Is it possessive? What if it's not reciprocated? And I told her, for me being "in love" is this: it's thinking about the other person 24/7. It means that no matter what you are doing, you are thinking about them. It is worrying about their well-being. It means that if they were in trouble or sick you would answer the phone in the middle of the night and listen. It means you'd jump on a plane and be there for them at the drop of a hat. It means you'd give them money you don't have if they were struggling financially. Being "in love" to me means all these things. And no matter how much I'd like it to go away, it hasn't where Mickey is concerned. It's been almost 8 years we've known each other now, and the only way I'll ever truly get over him is probably when I die. I have 2 great loves in my life--him, and my hubby. 


                                      *******************


I'm sorry I haven't had time to tell you all about my hubby's girlfriends' visit. And I'm sorry to say I've run out of time right now. My life has been so hectic and insane, but I PROMISE to write this week. You deserve to hear it. It was a very trying week, good and bad, sexy and unsexy. You will enjoy it though.


Have a good day my beloved readers, and oh, yes, now you know what I look like. Let me know if that changes anything for you in how you perceived me. Did I lack credibility before by hiding my identity? It's scary for me but I thought it necessary. I hope you all approve. I did it for you.


Love,
Anna XO

NEW PIC FOR MY READERS!

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved to see that I'm real, so here I am. I posted a pic of my face for you all.

My vibrator and I give Mickey a show he'll never forget

"You're soooooo pretty!!" Mickey cooed into the phone to me, gazing at me onscreen with somewhat sad puppy dog eyes. We were on yahoo messenger this morning, both on our webcams, and neither of us could stop smiling. It was so wonderful seeing his face again, after such a long time, and he clearly was happy to see mine as well.

The familiar chime on my iPhone woke me up about 3 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. "Hey", Mickey texted. We chatted off and on for about an hour while I got my kids off to school. Happily he said, "want to get on webcam?" and I decided right then and there that this offer was better than my plans to hit the gym, so I said, "Sure! Gimme 10 minutes. I want to look good for you." I turned on my curling iron and put on a little bit of makeup, found a sexy red lacy nightgown that showed off my breasts (Mickey's favorites) and I was online.

The minute I saw his face I started smiling. He was smiling too. It was wonderful. Like no time had passed. He looked as hot as ever, his long black hair all disheveled around his face, his lip ring dangling ever so teasingly, his full-sleeve tattoos so colorful and sexy. He was wearing a black T-shirt, and I was just salivating. Then he moved his laptop so I could see better--and he had his cock and balls peeking out from his underwear, these "tighty-whitey" undies in green and blue. I was shocked and laughed and wrote, "very hot!" He laughed and tucked them back in.

We wrote to each other as we gazed nervously at each other. I suggested Skype since on that webcam you can talk to each other. I told him I wanted to hear his voice. He couldn't remember his Skype name (yay, means he hasn't been using it with some other girl). I saw him pick up his phone, and I was tempted to write, 'who are you calling?" cuz that's really bad ettiquette--to be on webcam and call someone else. I was miffed instantly, until I heard his song, "Mickey" by Toni Basil start playing. He was calling ME!! haha (joke was on me!) I looked at my phone and sure enough, there was his face, the pic I'd chosen, and his name.

I answered in my best Lauren Bacall voice, a husky, "hey you", and he sounded just as sexy back. It was so wonderful, hearing his voice again. I told him so. He said all the right things again, just as always. After a few minutes he pulled out his cock again and started touching himself. He said, "show me those beautiful tits of yours", so I pulled down the red straps to my nightgown and gave him a little glimpse. Teasing him. He rubbed himself watching and yeah, I was getting very turned on! The whole time this was going on, he was talking to me, telling me how much he wanted me to come see him. He said, "I'm off work on Mondays and Tuesdays, and if you come then I'll get to spend the whole night with you." I smiled inside and out and said I'd see what I could do. Hubby travels a lot with work and the kids have school weekdays so not sure but I'd see what I could arrange. He told me, "Just give me a date." I said I'd let him know. I told him I hadn't bought a plane ticket yet so I'd check and see what I could do.

He also told me he was in trouble of being fired. That poor guy has issues, for sure, but he's always been a good worker. He's had this job like 6 years, so I asked him what's going on. He said, "they're douchebags!" and didn't want to talk about it. I let it go. He just wanted to focus on me.

He kept asking me, "when are you coming here?" lol then I broached the subject that was lingering in the air---what about his GIRLFRIEND?!?! He said, "let's not go there right now", so I laughed and said, "ok". I said, "I know you're not in love with her. You told me so." He said, "you're right, I'm not." I said, 'You're in love with me!" Now he has NEVER used the "L" word with me, and no, he didn't, but he did say, "yeah, that's it", so that made me happy! He said he wants to come visit me and plans to. He said, "I just might move in with you." I said, "really???" ecstatically and he said, "yeah, and it might be soon if they fire me." I said, "don't tease me!" which made him laugh. He was obviously in pain and in his own weird way was reaching out for sympathy, to be understood and heard. He knows I will give it to him.

He asked to see more of me, and I obliged. He was very complimentary and kept gently telling me what he wanted me to do, and what he wanted to do to me when I come to visit. He also asked where my hubby was several times, and that sometime he wanted to watch us both having sex. I told him, 'sure! that would be fun!" Since he has seen it in person I'm sure he'd like to watch us again. He said he wants to DP me with my hubby. I've never done that with anyone, not really crazy about the idea but said for him I'd try it. I trust them both to be gentle and to stop if I asked them to. So, WTF, I told him yeah, that would be ok. It was all fantasy right now anyway. Then he slipped off his undies and was just in his T-shirt. I said, 'Take off your T-shirt!" and he refused! I was like, WTF? Ok whatever! I said I want to see your chest. I love all your tats, I want to see them. He giggled and said, 'no, I've gained a few pounds", so I respected that. LOL Even though I couldn't see a trace of fat anywhere. He looked the same to me.

He asked if I had any toys. Yep of course I do! I told him, and went to get a vibrator. I grabbed the first one I found, and the batteries were dead LOL and we both laughed. I used it anyway, and he said he wanted to watch me come. And of course, since we were on the phone together, he heard all my heavy breathing and panting, and he stroked his cock harder and harder as I got more and more excited. Which I did for him, right there on camera. I've never done THAT before for anybody! It was so exciting. OMG I was splayed out on my bed, legs spread, back arched and stroking myself with a purple vibrator and watching him stroking his cock, watching me, holding the phone with his other hand, and that gaze in his eyes, very sexy. Since the batteries were dead I had to work that thing back and forth but it worked, I had a huge orgasm right there on camera for my Mickey. He loved it. I was a bit embarrassed afterward but he thanked me and kept telling me how much he loved it and couldn't wait to be with me.

After a few more minutes, he said he had to go. I said I did too, and I blew him a kiss onscreen for him and said goodbye. He was looking right at me and smiled, and gave me a "bye" in that sexy, breathy voice of his.  I don't know if the GF came in the room or what. After I clicked "off", I could still see him onscreen, and he kept stroking his cock for about a minute then turned off the camera. He didn't come, and that was disappointing, but oh well. It was still awesome.

I can't believe what that boy does to me. I'm old enough to be his mom, AND his girlfriend's mom. He's 27 and she's 20. But he doesn't see me that way. I'm a woman, a REAL woman, and he knows I'm crazy about him.

I think I'm going to be smiling a lot today.

An amazing night in Jake's arms

     We had just gotten to my room, a $500 a night, 5-star hotel in downtown Chicago. Standing next to the bed in my $500 BCBG dress, with nothing on underneath but white, lacy panties, and Michael Kors heels, I was fiddling around with my iPhone and the hotel's iDock, trying to find some music to set the mood. Jake came up behind me and put his warm hands softly on my shoulders and stroked my arms. Pushing my hair to one side, he began nibbling my neck, and I began to melt. He unzipped my dress and being that it was a halter-dress, he undid the bow at the neck and continued to kiss my neck. I allowed myself to melt into his touch, his warm hands, and let him show his affection for me.

     The halter-dress didn't allow for a bra, and Jake quickly discovered this delicious fact as his hands found my naked breasts as the dress fell forward off my body. As it fell, I stepped out of it and he slipped my panties down my bare, tanned legs, and I slipped them off my feet. I tossed my phone down, not giving a shit anymore about music, and saw that he was shirtless,  just in his jeans. He looked beautiful. He was young and sexy, skinny and sporting a new heart tattoo on the front of his right shoulder. The dim yellow light from the vibrant city shining on him, I saw his sweet face and warm smile. I was filled with desire for him and felt my heart racing as my hands touched the soft skin of his chest. He pulled me close and kissed me hungrily, his tongue searching for mine. I felt my blood hot through my whole body. I was on fire. I literally succumbed to my desire for him and let him do whatever he wanted to me. With me, for me, to me. I gave myself to him.

     I don't remember how or when his jeans came off, he was just suddenly naked, laying on his back on one of the two beds in the hotel room. He looked scrumptious. I was so hungry for him. I didn't know where to begin, and neither did he, we wanted each other so badly.

     Over the next three hours, we made love in every position I can think of. We just couldn't get enough of each other. He is so tender, so sweet. He's huge, 10 inches, and he kept saying how much he loved how "tight" my pussy was. It was also too small to hold all 10 inches of him! He'd be very tender, not thrusting too hard. He'd go in gently every time, making sure it didn't hurt and that I was ok. Then we'd fuck like crazy rabbits. We just kept going. I couldn't believe he could go for so long without coming, but he did. And he was rock-hard the whole time. I wasn't getting tired, my desire for him was so strong.

     We fucked every which way imaginable. Doggy-style, reverse cow-girl. Me on top, him on top. Against the wall. At the edge of the bed. 69. But my favorite was this spooning position, him entering from behind me, with his arms wrapped around me tight. I absolutely loved being held like that while he fucked me. I felt so loved. It was warm and amazing. Little did I know it was only going to get better.

     He always asked if I was ok. He was always gentle, even when we were going at it. We were so sweaty, the sheets were soaked, but we were so into each other we hardly noticed. He loved the way I gave him oral, and I loved how he'd sweetly show me or tell me the way he liked me to do it for him. He is so emotionally mature for being only 18. Did I forget to tell you he's only 18?? He's 18 and amazing. With an old soul I believe, for he's mature beyond his years. Calm, thoughtful, affectionate, passionate, tender and a gentleman.
.
     He was surprised to hear me tell him that it was a night of "firsts". I'd never had another man bring me to orgasm---with as many lovers as I've had (except for the girls--they know how to touch a girl!) no other guy but my hubby has ever made me orgasm! And he did!! YAY!!! I was so happy! It was so easy to let go with him. I am so comfortable with him, he is like a second skin to me. The Yin to my Yang. I fall into his spell so easily.

I'll never forget it. He was touching me, touching my clit, just the way I love to be touched. As I was moaning and squirming, he was breathing on my neck, getting as excited as I was. I've never had a guy do what he started to do--comment on it! It was soooo sexy. He said, "Ooo, I feel your legs tightening up." You're squirming, it feels good, doesn't it?" "You're breathing harder, you're almost there, aren't you?" he was an amazing lover! and yes, I did come, and he was so happy, I could feel how happy he was to bring me to a climax, he held me close while I was writhing and we rode the rollercoaster of ecstasy together. I'd never, ever, ever, had that with anyone else.

     Another first was spending the whole night with him. Even with Mickey, I'd never actually spent a whole night with anyone else. And you know what? After he came (after 3 amazing hours), we laughed and were glad we had another bed to sleep on! The other one was soaked. We were giggling about it.  We got into the clean, unused bed to sleep. I had gone to go to the bathroom, and when I came back he had on his jeans (guess he hadn't worn any boxers....). So I put on a sexy blue lace matching panties and bra and got into bed with him.

     He laid on his back, and put his arm around me. I laid close to him, smelling how sexy he smelled (I could still smell his cologne too). He is so affectionate. We chatted a little bit, but I didn't want to be annoying. I know guys want to fall asleep after sex and women like to talk, so I was cognizant of that fact. Somewhere in-between chatting, we fell asleep, but I remember telling him that I would probably push him away cuz I didn't like to be touched while I slept.

     Was I ever wrong about that!

     Jake held me close ALL NIGHT LONG. He never stopped holding me.

     It was the most amazing night's sleep I've ever had. Several times I'd awaken, and I'd say, 'Do you want your arm back?" and he'd say sweetly, "no, I'm good". No matter what position I'd move into, he'd mold his body to mine, and hold me tight. I felt so-o-o-o-o loved, so adored. I never wanted to leave him.
Spooning he snuggled his head right into my neck, his arms holding me tightly. Whichever position---cuddling, facing him, snuggled into his armpit, it was heaven. His long arms held me close the whole night long. He never let go, and I never wanted him to.

     In the morning, I woke up early, 8:22 in fact. I had a 2 hr drive ahead of me and knew my hubby and kids would want me home, so I left my Jake's warm embrace to go shower. He slept the whole time, and when I emerged, clean and clean smelling, hair and makeup all done, I found him still in bed and kissed him. Damn he looked sexy. I wanted him to shower and make love to me again. Neither of us had eaten but I didn't care. I wanted him again, even though I was so sore. He declined showering, and I wasn't really sure what he wanted to do. I really wanted him to shower so we'd both be clean and start fresh, so I was kind of like, hmmm, not sure if I'm attracted to you right now, and he wasn't telling me what he wanted,  so I decided to just go home.

     He'd taken the train, so I just drove him to the train station, which was like a 10 minute drive. I wasn't done with him. I hadn't wanted to leave our bed. Why do I have such trouble knowing what I want sometimes? I was eager to get home and not eager. I didn't know when I'd see him again and that made it all the harder. He wasn't talking either, didn't really give an opinion either way, so that wasn't helping. I know he was just allowing me to make the decisions since I had a husband and family to get back to and he had no plans, I get that now. But I wish he'd said something like, 'gee, I really wish we'd cuddle longer", or "let's have one more go-round"--something like that. He gave me a quick hug and kiss, and he was gone. I turned around several times to wave goodbye but couldn't see him once he left my car. I was instantly sad and lonely for him.

     About a half hour into my drive home, I burst into tears. I missed his touch so badly. Thinking about the way he held me all night long. I haven't felt that needed and loved in so long, and I was aching to feel him again. I realized I have intimacy problems, and he's just the guy to break down my walls.

I'm totally falling for him.

Mickey who???

welcome new readers!

Hello!! I am SO thrilled that I've got some new readers! I apologize that I haven't posted anything new for the last 3 weeks, and believe me, it's not because I don't have anything to write about! I have been busy having lots of sex, in fact, last weekend my hubby and I found 2 new partners (a man ANd a woman, but not together ;) and I can't wait to tell you all about it! The kids are off for Easter vacation and I haven't had much privacy. It's Thursday now YAY and so just have to wait till Monday to be able to get my writing time back.

A quick up-date: Mickey and I are still doing great. We texted back and forth for 4-1/2 hours the night before last. It was wonderful. Till nearly 3 am my time, and yes, I was exhausted and dragging the whole day due to lack of sleep, but he's always worth it. I figured out something laying there in the dark texting him--I think we have some sort of an S & M relationship. I'm on Google right now looking up the terms to get an idea if that's what's going on. It sure seems like it. If you read back on our relationship, he repeatedly has broken my heart, he can be very cold, yet I always take him back. Hmmm, no-brainer, huh?? But since he's the only guy that's ever treated me like this, I didn't put 2-and-2 together. I will put up with whatever shit he gives me and it just makes me want him more. It's sick, I know it is, and I want to know what's wrong with me that I want him so fucking badly that I put up with it.

My 18-year old hunk Jake has been texting me too! I'm soooo excited to see him again! YAY once again YAY kids go back to school on Monday! I'm tanning and going to the gym to try to get this bod in a little better shape. He lives 2 hours away but can't wait to drive here and spend the day with me. He is so sweet, nothing like Mickey. He ALWAYS texts me back immediately, never keeps me wondering. He calls me beautiful, gorgeous, actually cares how I'm feeling, very very sweet all the time. I told him I had a little crush on him and he said he has a crush on me too! Yay! We talked about being "regulars", and seeing each other when we can since we don't live close to each other.  I'm seriously considering canceling my memberships to those dating websites since I found him. If we get closer, I will.

Ok, gotta run, I hear the dog so that means kids are up. I'll fill you guys in with our juicy weekend, as well as my sex romp with Jake as soon as I can.

Have a good week and happy sex to you all!!!

So what's my fucking problem???

I've got a "date" at 12:30 today with a guy I met on this swingers' website. We exchanged phone numbers and we had some real intense chat a few weeks ago. As cute as he was, I wasn't happy with the fact that he was going to be cheating on his girlfriend with me. How is it that married swingers have morals and some single people don't??? Screwy, isn't it??

So I had basically told him, sorry, I'm not ok with that, and he was fine with it. I haven't talked to him since, and then last night, in a tipsy, horny moment, my hubby wrote him and set up a meeting between us today!  He texted me almost an hour ago and I haven't responded. So----what's my fucking problem??

Part of it is, i'm not feeling exceptionally sexy right now. I've gained 5 pounds (I'm still 127 and it's making me sooo crazy!!!) so that's not helping my confidence with a new partner. My hubby thinks I'm nuts but it's really the truth. I don't feel confident taking my clothes off, and I don't really feel sexy.  I also don't like the way my hair was cut 2 weeks ago. I don't look as good as the pics I sent him and that's what I always worry about when I see someone else's pics! You know, we always post the best pic of ourselves we can find, and they can be quite outdated.

The other truth is, I'd decided I didn't want to have sex with him, but my hubby wants me to. He was on his webcam last night and he is cute, but I'm not super-attracted to him. He's 25 and actually quite good-looking, but not really my type. (I like dark-haired guys, not really into blondes) but I'm being super picky. And I think, do I have a right to be so super picky?? I'm no spring chicken! I should be fucking thanking the stars that I've got the goods to attract such a cute young guy!!

So, I still don't know.

It's hard during the day, too. A glass of wine and I'd be like, "WTF let's go hot boy!!!" but it's 10:30 in the morning and I have trouble letting myself go there. I still can't believe I fucked that pilot that day--I just waltzed in the hotel, met him for the first time, and 10 minutes later I'm taking my clothes off. Half an hour after that, I'm back in my car, driving to the airport. Was that really me???

I still don't know. I gotta respond. Maybe I'll take a shower first, put on some music, and see if I can get into feeling better about my body. My hubby says I'm crazy, I look amazing. That's why I love him! But we girls can't feel good about ourselves if we've gained weight. I know---5 pounds isn't a big thing but it is to me. Is it just an excuse?? Does it have anything to do with my feelings for Mickey?

---sigh--