Why I took my pic down

Ironically, the same day I posted "My slutty afternoon...", I happened to get a text from a guy I've been chatting with that I met on the dating website, "do you know a woman named (blank)?" I texted him back, 'uh, no, why?" and he said, "well she sure seems to know you. And she had some choice words for you." WTF??!! And he proceeded to tell me she said this about me, and I quote, "...it is a known fact that she is a slut." Ironic huh?! The same day I posted that blog post. Just a couple days ago. Guess I started chatting with a guy who knows someone who knows someone who knows me. And he's been talking about me to her. Great. Fucking great.

So, of course, I freaked out. Fucking fucking freaked out. I looked her up on Facebook and we have a mutual friend. Great. Fucking great. So, either this mutual friend (a guy that used to work at the gym, we are more" aquaintances" than friends) is talking smack about me, or she found my blog. For the record, she looks familiar, but he insists she doesn't go to the gym I go to so I don't think I know her.

I have Googled my blog to see if it can be found, and I've been able to so far keep it discreet. But I freaked out anyway and took my picture off. I couldn't even sleep that whole night, trying to figure out how this chick knows me and why she'd say that about me.

You my dear readers know I'm a swinger, and yes, I love sex. And they are many definitions of the word "slut"-I just looked them up LOL---anywhere from meaning a woman who loves sex to a woman who will have sex with anything that moves. SO......what did she mean by that?! What has she learned about me from this mutual "friend"??!! So yeah, if being a slut means, "a woman who loves sex or has multiple partners", yes, I'm a slut. But how would someone who doesn't even know me think that about me?!

I'm taking her comment to mean someone who'll sleep with anyone and anything, and has no couth. I am extremely selective (I've had 3 lovers in the whole year I've lived here!). And I have not done anything at ALL with anyone at the gym or any of my co-workers. I've been very discreet--only dating guys I've met on the dating site. No one who knows any of my friends or anyone in my circle. So for her to call me a slut, or to think that our mutual friend has said stuff about me, well, after I had my freak-out I calmed down and realized that maybe it's made-up shit on her part. She has nothing on me---UNLESS SHE FOUND THIS BLOG. THAT HAD MY PICTURE ON IT.

I have been very comfortable with all of you seeing me and getting to know me through this blog. I feel more real to complete strangers because as a group, if you're reading my blog, you are probably in the lifestyle too and realize how dangerous a game it is we play. Friends and family, if they were to find out about our secret lives, would ruin us. Isn't it fucked how the world works?? It's more socially acceptable to cheat on your wife or husband than to invite another lover into your bed with their permission.

I decided I'm finished talking to this loose-lipped guy, and also to just let it go for now. I honestly can't think of any reason someone who doesn't even know me would say such a thing about me. I have been very discreet, so maybe she's just jealous. I have no idea. But I think I need to be more careful, more discreet, because sadly, it's painfully obvious society can't handle women who love sex. I can't risk being found out. It's obvious my reputation is on its way to being tarnished and well, if it wasn't for me trying to protect my children and my husband's reputation, I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me. I have considered taking down this blog, but I won't for now. I need to to keep sane, but the thought of losing everything I have is more real now.

another guy flakes out on me.....

OK WTF is going on??!!! Mr. Same-name-as-my-hubby cancelled meeting me yet again yesterday, and begged me to give him another chance. He begged he'd "make it up to me". Well, I texted him 3 times today--spaced out like 3 hours apart...never heard back. I told him "you could make it up to me tomorrow." Crickets. I finally wrote a little while ago, "Did I do something wrong?? You're not writing back." Still nothing. Now remember, he's courted me for a YEAR. He never had a face pic so I ignored him. I didn't realize what a hottie he was. Now I'm smitten and more than a little pissed off!! WTF???!!

Can anyone tell me what I keep doing wrong??!! Is it me??!! I am honest and I plan to show up. With this guy, I didn't even mention I was married, in case that was what was scaring these guys away--you know, worrying some crazed husband was going to come after them. I played it like I was single. So WTF. I'm bummed.

I'm really getting tired of this. Aren't there any guys out there that really want to meet me? :(

Drinks at noon, sex by 1:00!

I'm SO excited to meet my new boytoy!! He's gorgeous. He's got black hair, bright blue eyes, and really full lips, just like Mickey. Damn!! He has been persistent in texting me and we are meeting at noon tomorrow, halfway between where we both live. He lives only 15 minutes away from me!!! I am SO glad I finally found someone attractive who will HOPEFULLY show up!!!

I PROMISE to tell you all about it!

Did I tell you he's only 23???

Half my age.

Yum yum!

I was watching TV in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner last night and saw "B" in a commercial! I screamed to my hubby, "THAT'S B! LOOK!! and sure enough, there he was! What a hottie! I can't tell you anymore about it cuz certainly you'd know him....I texted him immediately to tell him I saw him, and of course, since he's got the biggest ego of anyone alive he responded right away. He was pleased as punch. I congratulated him and said I wanted to youtube it so I could see it over and over. He laughed. 


I bought my plane ticket to go see him yesterday! Or--should I say, my hubby did. I will be there in 2 weeks. I can't wait to fuck him! MMMMM "B" is delicious. 


I lied to Mickey and told him I bought a plane ticket to see him. I texted him, "hey, flights are so cheap so I bought a ticket. I'll be there on Nov. 13th. Let's just have dinner. I want to gaze into those amazing blue eyes." That was yesterday--haven't heard back yet. I'm sure he's processing it--he wants to see me, he wants more than dinner--but he's living with his GF. BUT-----and this is a big BUT---he has never admitted to having a girlfriend. He doesn't know I stalk him LOL yes I read his facebook and his GF's twitter--hey, if I didn't, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on with him! it's a way to protect myself. Yes, and torture myself, that's true.  He told me a couple weeks ago basically not to come, that seeing me sexually "isn't healthy for me right now, I'm trying to do too much", whatever the fuck that means. He talks so cryptically. Why won't he just admit he's got a GF and they're getting serious? Because he doesn't want to hurt me? Please. Yeah right. It's because he doesn't want me to go away. He wants to know that I'll always be here for him when he wants me. It's like in Toy Story, I don't know which one, I think the first, where Woody says, "It's not how much we're played with; it's that we're here when Andy needs us." That's me for Mickey. It's not how much he plays with me, it's that I'm here when he wants me. Don't tell me I'm pathetic. I already know I am. 


I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine about Mickey, and it really sums up why I put up with him. We were talking about being "in love", and what does that really mean? Is it possessive? What if it's not reciprocated? And I told her, for me being "in love" is this: it's thinking about the other person 24/7. It means that no matter what you are doing, you are thinking about them. It is worrying about their well-being. It means that if they were in trouble or sick you would answer the phone in the middle of the night and listen. It means you'd jump on a plane and be there for them at the drop of a hat. It means you'd give them money you don't have if they were struggling financially. Being "in love" to me means all these things. And no matter how much I'd like it to go away, it hasn't where Mickey is concerned. It's been almost 8 years we've known each other now, and the only way I'll ever truly get over him is probably when I die. I have 2 great loves in my life--him, and my hubby. 


                                      *******************


I'm sorry I haven't had time to tell you all about my hubby's girlfriends' visit. And I'm sorry to say I've run out of time right now. My life has been so hectic and insane, but I PROMISE to write this week. You deserve to hear it. It was a very trying week, good and bad, sexy and unsexy. You will enjoy it though.


Have a good day my beloved readers, and oh, yes, now you know what I look like. Let me know if that changes anything for you in how you perceived me. Did I lack credibility before by hiding my identity? It's scary for me but I thought it necessary. I hope you all approve. I did it for you.


Love,
Anna XO