Is your pussy dry? Here's why!

I had a lightbulb moment watching the news this morning.

DEAR READERS PLEASE READ THIS!!!!! THIS MAY BE A LIFE-CHANGING POST FOR YOU!!!

News shows are notorious for their pharmaceutical ads, and I saw an ad fora pill for post-menopausal women.The woman in the commercial is definitely a MILF. She sensually looks at the camera and purrs, "Sex after menopause...it shouldn't have to hurt" as she's writhing on a bed, toying with the collar of  her white button-down blouse. The camera zooms in on her left hand to show us a wide, gold wedding band. She's SO hot, and she easily looks little older than 40. Google tells me that the average age of menopause is 51.

The ad flashes to another woman with equally long hair, way beyond her shoulders like the first actress, only it's all grey. (AN OLD WOMAN!). We don't really see her close up, but she's swaying sexually too. She doesn't get to say anything. She just sashays erotically. Both women are in fantastic physical shape.

I felt compelled to watch it several times. First of all you need to know how much I despise "Big Pharm" so I have a cynical response regardless, but this really irked me. Why did they have to show a wedding ring?? REALLY?!?!?!?! With all the TV shows on Netflix that are too sexual for me to watch with my teenage daughter, you're going to get all moral on us??? Or is there a deeper message there??

AND THERE IS!!!!!!!!!!!

It all clicked for me.

Menopausal vaginal dryness/pain is a married woman's affliction.

Read that sentence again. I'll paraphrase.

Women in long-term marriages have vaginal pain when they fuck their husbands.

This vaginal pain is caused by a lack of lubrication.

It is a biological fact that the female body creates vaginal lubrication when aroused. 

Menopausal women can't get wet to fuck their husbands because they simply aren't aroused!

The extent to which a woman "gets wet" is our version of a hard dick. The harder a man's dick is, the more aroused he is. Simple fucking fact. Can anyone deny that truth???

When a woman is aroused, her body gets ready for penile penetration by creating its own lubricant, heretofore known as "getting wet". Not to sound scientific or anything, it's just a simple fact. Men get hard, women get wet. If a woman's not getting wet, or a man's not getting hard, guess what folks!!! THEY'RE NOT TURNED ON!!!!!

Now of course I'm generalizing. Do not think for a moment that I'm insensitive to the ill or elderly, or people who suffer from real afflictions that cause soft dicks and dry pussies even when aroused. Of course there is scientific data that shows that as women age, the ovaries produce less of the female hormone estrogen, which can lead to thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls, and I believe as men age and their testosterone levels drop, it can wreak all sorts of havoc on a person's sex life. Having said that, I am GENERALIZING.

And I feel like a bit of an expert on the subject, as I am married in a long-term marriage, and I'm post-menopausal (I went into menopause at 42!!). And I am always buying lube; I have always enjoyed using it during foreplay (and after) and never really stopped to think about whether I really needed it or not. It's just so much fun when it's things get a little slippery!!

When I saw this commercial the other morning, my brain went into overdrive, and it occurred to me that I have never used lube with Blondie, except the very first time we had sex at his apartment. I bought a bottle of lube and gave it to him as a gift, just assuming I would need it! And it was fun to play with, but I realized that every time he fucked me, I was already soaked. What clinched it for me was realizing that last week he slid his dick inside me while we were taking a bath.We all know how drying bath water is, and water in general is the anti-Christ of hot sex. But it went right in, and it didn't hurt, and we fucked our brains out.

And I also realize that just texting him, talking about fucking him, seeing pics of him, and just fantasizing about him and BOOM waterworks. I. AM. READY.

Do I get this wet with my husband?? I know you want to know.

No offense to him, but I don't. But he doesn't get a hard dick for me either without warming up the engine either!  That's a 20 year marriage folks. I doubt he has any trouble with his girlfriend. We can't possibly feel that throw-me-down-on-the-kitchen-counter desire after twenty years. It just isn't possible!! Why do you think you're always hearing how couples go on vacations or try role-playing, even to the point of renewing vows to "spice things up"??? Love and sexual desire can be mutually exclusive.

There's nothing like being with a new lover. In polyamory, we call it "NRE", or "New Relationship Energy." We know it is a phase!! Some of you call it the "honeymoon" stage! And we all know it doesn't last.

And twenty years later, women are wondering why they're dried up.

Get a new lover not a pill!

I'll bet that cures it for most of you.

You're welcome.

Bubbles

I was missing Blondie badly, and it had been 3 weeks since he'd come over, and I was getting a little pissed off I hadn't heard a peep from him. So I decided to just send him a message, "Hey Blondie, what's up with you? When are we meeting up again bc I'm sure you miss me!"I wrote him at around 11:30 at night, and he wrote back first thing in the morning,"I'm off work today! I can come over right now!" I was like, "woo hoo!" and rescheduled my morning to see him.

He was messaging me, telling me he'd drank too much the night before and was 'down". I said I'd cheer him up. He asked what I wanted to do! I said, "Hmmm what would YOU like to do??" and he answered, "take a bath!" I said "awesome!" It was so cute, he video messaged me twice, and he'd never done that! It was fun. We flirted back and forth and it was so nice making that connection again with him. It was like no time had passed, and we just picked up where we left off.

He said the brakes on his car weren't working, so would I pick him up? So I did; he met me at my car so I wouldn't have to get out (it was like 24 degrees!) and it was soooo good to be with him again. That wild and crazy blonde mane and those blue eyes. He greeted me with a big grin and a hug, and then a kiss. He smelled like booze. It was not pleasant. I drove him back to my house. He's just like a little kid; first thing he did when he got out of the car was spot my new fat tire bike and take it for a spin around the cul de sac. I was like, "oh my god, what if my nosy neighbor sees him??!!" He doesn't even think.

When we got into the house, he said he hadn't eaten anything, and could he have some toast or a bagel? I said sure. So we went into the kitchen, and he was telling me how he and his roommate decorated the apartment last night and ended up drinking too much, doing shots.  As I was standing there glancing back and forth from him to the toaster, he came up behind me and put his hands all over my body and started kissing my neck. I immediately became limp with desire and he turned me around and pressed his body up against me and deep kissed me. I was putty in his hands. I could feel that hard dick up against my body and I was instantly wet. I pulled apart and said, "OMG your bagel!" and it nearly burned. We laughed as I buttered it for him and said, "sit!" and motioned for him to sit down on one of the bar stools.

My phone was blowing up with messages from my band, and as he ate his bagel, I sat down next to him and said I needed to catch up. I had like 16 unread messages and filled him in on what was going on--we were choosing songs for an upcoming gig--and he grabbed my phone and said, "OMG you guys do (X-song, I don't remember which)" and was commenting on all of them. It was fun. Finally I asked for my phone back to respond LOL and then he was telling me how he had "creeped" on my kids' FB bc he wanted to know more about them. Had he said it differently, it would've come off creepy like HH, but he said it all in the same vein. He said my daughter is "so beautiful" and my son "looks like an Abercrombie model." The way he asked about them made me feel like he hoped to meet them one day. He didn't say it, I didn't say it, but he was saying how they seem like really neat people, successful and all too. And then he asked me about my husband, and I answered him with a short response (he'd asked about his job) and then changed the subject. It did leave me feeling like he truly wanted to get to know me better by learning about the people I'm closest to. It made me happy! Like, maybe he truly does have feelings for me???

He talked about how he might lose his job and move to Colorado, how the company has been bought out. How he may decide to stay here too-how they've offered him a severance package but also a raise if he stays. I didn't want to influence him one way or the other so I said, "how exciting! You've got some decisions to make!!"

When he'd finished his bagel, he was so sweet, he thanked me for making it for him, and that he felt much better. I said, "what do you want to do now??" all flirty and he said, "take a bath!!" I was like oh wow. This is going to be amazing.

I told him I had a bottle of champagne chilling, and he thought that sounded good, so I took it out of the fridge and grabbed two wine glasses that didn't match. He kissed me again by the cabinet, and it was deep and passionate. Mmmmm yummmy.

We bounded up the staircase, and we went into my bathroom. I started the water, and put in this vanilla/jasmine bubble bath and he said, "that's the same one you got me!" and I was like thinking, hmm, I don't remember buying you any of that. But then he said, "not the bath stuff, the massage oil!" and I did remember. He makes himself so comfortable in my house, it's really interesting to watch. Like he's been there a million times, or like he fucking lives there. He walked over to my blue-tooth speaker and turned it on. He got us towels (he couldn't believe I have a towel warmer. He'd never even heard of a towel-warmer). I had candles already lit. While I was facing my husband's side of the vanity, I was struggling to get the foil wrapper off the champagne bottle. I turned around and saw he'd completely stripped, and he was standing there watching me. I stopped and said, "oh my god, you are standing naked in my bathroom. Does it get any better than this???" and he said, 'yes it does!" and came over to me and pulled my dress over my head. He slipped off my lacy thong, picked me up and put me on the edge of the vanity, went down on his knees and buried his face in my pussy. That hair, that tongue, that sexy naked 24 year old licking me. It was fucking amazing.

After a little bit he got up and started kissing me, that sexy deep kissing and now he tasted like my pussy which was a huge turn-on. I loved it. He was holding my hips so I wouldn't fall off the vanity, and then he showed me his thick erect cock for me and slid it into my now very wet and ready pussy. It felt amazing, and as we fucked I was slipping off. He picked me up, cock still inside me, and carried me to my bed and continued fucking me. I. Fucking. Loved. That. It was so romantic, it was like, "wow guys really do this??" because ladies haven't we seen that scene in a zillion movies??? (guess I watch too much porn??) Here he was really doing that!!! Combined with the vanity move, I just felt like I wished I'd been recording it all.

He came quickly, and we both realized we totally forgot about the tub filling up! We ran over to it and turned the water off just in time!! He opened the bottle of champagne for me, and we laughed at how disappointing it was that it didn't have that awesome "pop" it should've had! He poured it for us, and then just helped himself into the tub as if he'd done it a hundred times. Once I got in though, he was like, 'OH. MY. GOD. THIS. FEELS. AMAZING." I told him I'd never taken a bath with anyone but my hubby! And so this was really new and amazing for me as well.

We were in there for over an hour. We alternated between talking and relaxing to playing with each other. I'd push up his ass so that his dick, hard and straight as a ruler, would pop up from underneath the bubbles and I'd suck it. The first time I poured a little champagne on it and sucked it off he practically screamed in ecstasy. I KNOW no one's ever done that to him before and sure enough, he told me so. So of course I had to do it several times. Always when he least expected it.

While I was sucking him off he would put his fingers inside me, as deep as he could. And I know one time I think I came that way, and I had never came that way before. I wondered, "is this what the G-spot is all about???!!" I think it may be! It was so fucking deep inside me, and I had never had anyone do that to me before!! I really liked it!! Finally we wanted each other so badly, and I climbed on top of him and put his dick inside me. As he rocked me, I said, "don't lift up! Don't let any water in!" so we rocked and fucked in my bathtub as I'd never been rocked and fucked before.

But that's not how I made him cum.

He masturbated and I sucked him til he came. I loved pleasing him that way.

He'd told me he had to work at 1, so we ought to get out of the tub, so I grabbed our towels and got out first. I handed him his, and he couldn't believe it was warm. He was feeling a little queasy again, so I suggested just laying in bed and taking a little nap. We laid down, and he put his arm under me and I nestled into his underarm, and relaxed. I felt more exposed to him than ever; I mean, DAYLIGHT SEX!!!! MY HAIR GOT ALL WET FROM THE BATH AND WAS DRYING CURLY AND SHIT!! I HAD RACCOON EYES!! And yet, I was relaxed. FINALLY.

And laying there, I asked him, "How long till you were gonna write me?" That three weeks had gone by, and I started to feel like, "wow guess last time didn't go that well" and "guess I'll never see HIM again." He apologized, he said, "OMG I'm so sorry, I know how that feels, and I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." And then, surprisingly, he said, "I was waiting to hear from YOU!" I just shook my head, and waited for him to say more.He went on to explain how he pretty much just texts if he thinks he can see me-that he's thinking of me and wants to see me and if I can't see him he gets so excited he wishes he didn't message me!That he'll get so horny he has to jerk off and gets frustrated!! I had to giggle.  He said otherwise, he doesn't like texting that much and that they can be misunderstood so he doesn't like  chit-chat in texting and likes to wait and share stuff in person. I said that's fine yeah me too but he could maybe say "hey! hope you're doing well! I'm thinking of you and I'd love to see but damn this week is just so crazy! maybe next?" and he said, 'yeah, yeah, totally I will do that."

I addressed the Facebook question I had, and said "well you haven't "liked" anything on my page so I haven't "liked" anything on your page so I respect that maybe you would like me to stay under the radar??" He just said oh that was when he was with Piggy Face. He didn't really say, "Go ahead it's fine" he just explained how it wasn't okay before, so I think I will continue to just stay incognito until he "likes" MY posts.

While we were laying there talking, he kept playing with himself. Not like guys do when they're trying to get it up, more like a lazy dog just kind of playing with it absentmindedly. I said, "you're really distracting me here playing with your dick like that." And he said, 'Oh yeah???' and I said, "YEAH!!" He said, "well, feel free to do something about that!" So I did! I leaned over and licked his body up and down and around his dick but wouldn't touch it at first. Made it grow big and strong and then took it in my mouth again. He lifted me up and slid his dick in. We fucked so hard, I'm sure I came again, damn we fucked so deep I shuddered like I was having a fucking religious experience. He came again, and afterward, like always, he stays hard and we just keep fucking. I didn't want to stop. I got tired tho finally, and I knew he had to go to work, so I finally slipped off of him. I laid next to him, and he was just like "OH MY GOD (my name) I CAME THREE TIMES!!! I NEVER COME THAT MUCH!!" I said, 'WITH ME YOU DO!!" and he agreed with a big grin. I thought, "yeah, you're not fucking 200 pound piggy face bitch!! This is how good sex can be!!" I'll bet that's what he was thinking hehehe

I snuggled him and said, "let's take a 5 min nap." He said he can't nap, can't settle down (he has ADHD like me, but I'm on meds). So we just laid there and chatted. It was WONDERFUL. I really felt like I was being myself for the first time with him. I didn't do shots this time, and not just because I had to drive and go pick him up. I wanted to be fully present and myself with him. And we only drank one glass of champagne, which didn't do anything for me. It was more symbolic. Champagne bath. Something he doesn't do with just anyone.

He told me a little about Piggy Face, just that he thought maybe she'd cheated on him with her ex, maybe not, but that there were things she wasn't telling him, and that it is once and for all "really over." I said, "her loss babe, my gain" and he looked at me and smiled and said, "MY GAIN!!" and kissed me. We snuggled and then knew we had to get up.

I decided not to put back my sexy dress on, and put something on more casual. I said, "I'm gonna put my jammies on! Since I'm not going anywhere for awhile!" He said, 'aren't you going to take me home?"and I laughed and said "oh yeah!! I forgot!!" So I took them off and put my sexy dress and thigh-high black velvet boots back on.

He said he wasn't feeling well again and that he might be sick. That the champagne wasn't settling well. And he was sick, and I felt terrible. He laughed it off like it was no big deal "it was all just the champagne!" and he got a bottle of water. When we got out to the garage, he got in my car and from inside, opened my door for me! I thought that was very sweet. He mentioned again how much he loves my car, and we talked about putting a turbo engine in it.

On the drive home, he was quite animated, very talkative. He wanted to make sure he knew how to get to my house and back for the next time when he comes to see me. He had the exits mixed up and it bothered him. He talked about big trucks and bulldozers and stuff like that, how he'd wanted to be an architect and and how he also almost got a construction job with the state. When we passed some construction workers, he was elated at how quickly they'd patched up this area of the roadway, and commented on how much money they make.

I was blindsided when he told me he wants to have a child within a year. II swear it came out of nowhere.That he's wanted a kid since he was 19. He wants to have kids while he's young. I just listened and said "you'd make an awesome dad." What was I going to say??? I'll have your kid for you?? I can't have any more kids and if I could, would I want that??!! That's what I was thinking while he's joking about "putting firecrackers under her butt if she won't get up for school." And not believing he'd actually think that was ok to do. He was a child himself. Why the fuck would he want a KID????!!!! Clearly he has no idea what he's talking about. Kind of like girls who think getting married is all about the wedding. Fucking clueless.

When we got to his apartment, I parked and he turned and gave me a wonderful hug, a short kiss (bc he'd just gotten sick) and I said, "I hope you feel better!" and he said, "I do already! I just think I need a nap." I said, "I hope you don't remember our date as "really awesome until I threw up!!" He said, "no no no, not at all. I came three times. We took a bath. It was awesome!" And he hugged me again, and he got out. I started to back out, and watched him as he walked to his apartment in the freezing cold without looking back.

I drove home feeling like I wasn't in love, I was definitely smitten, but I could enjoy him more now, getting to know him more and seeing him for the man he is, not who I need him to be. I've done a lot of work on myself, and it's really wonderful to feel this way. I'm not on cloud nine, I've got both feel planted firmly on mother earth, and I've never been happier.

Blondie in my bed

For almost eight months, there was no contact between Blondie and me. I left him completely alone while he was with his GF, which was sometimes hard to discern bc they broke up at least 7 times in those 8 months that I'm aware of, bc you could see it on their FB. I did send a couple messages to him during those break-up times, but he never responded. So I just went back to leaving him alone.

And finally, on Oct. 2nd, the texts I'd been waiting for came.

I was in the middle of band rehearsal, and I was SO excited I couldn't even barely sing. I showed them to my hubby who gave me a big smile. He knew how happy it made me. And to make a long story short, he wanted me to come over that night but I couldn't. We agreed to get together the next night, and he sent me a very sexy pic of himself. The next morning he cancelled, and they got back together.

A couple weeks later, he deleted his FB and so did she, and they both went completely AWOL. And then, weeks later, both re-emerged, broken up for good it seemed. He'd started a whole new FB, and bravely, I sent him a friend request, which he accepted! I was hopeful. I saw on his page he was looking for someone to cut his hair! I thought oh no!! Don't cut off your mane!! So I wrote him a PM and he responded he wasn't going to chop it all off, just a trim.

Which led to a couple messages here and there, and finally, he wanted to come see me.

I didn't know he'd bought a car! He was mobile! And it was a couple days before Thanksgiving, and he was heading out of town to visit family in another state and wanted to see me before he left. I had the house to myself but I had tennis first so we wouldn't have much time together.

I rushed home from tennis and showered and got myself dolled up. Sexy dress and black stilettos.

And shots of peach vodka as I was getting ready!!

I was so nervous. I had waited so long for this moment, and as much as I had fantasized about him, I wasn't ready for it, and yet I was. I had no plan of action, I had no idea what was going to happen or how I was going to feel, except I knew I was excited beyond excited.

I opened the garage door for him, and he parked in my husband's spot. I met him at his car, and I closed the door and wondered if my nosy next-door neighbor had seen him drive in.

He looked just as adorable as I remembered. His long blonde mane wild as he is. He looked so good. He had a red knit hat on, flannel shirt, khaki pants. And those black glasses, and a big smile for me. He got out of the car and we talked about the car for a bit, and then went inside.

He stood in the doorway for a few minutes, I have no idea what he was talking about now, but I stepped back to invite him in. He looked around, and said, "I miss this place. I miss being here." He went on to tell me all the things he missed. And I took him by the hand and invited him upstairs.

He told me how much he missed being there. Missed my bedroom, missed being in my bed. And with that, he took off all his clothes except his boxers and white gym socks, and flung himself onto my bed, his hands behind his head, legs spread, a huge hard dick poking up, stretching those boxers tight. It was a marvelous sight. I was tipsy and getting a bit slobbery from the vodka, and I regretted having had any. I straddled him, we were both smiling, and I said I just wanted to take it all in. I lightly touched him all over, just in such disbelief he was here in my bed again.

He was like fine china at that moment--I wanted to touch so badly, but afraid of the mess I might make. And it was going to get crazy.

I knew he had to leave at noon. It was almost 11:30 so it was time to get busy.

I was straddling him as I pulled my dress off over my head, and I had on an off-white and peach bra and panty set I'd bought just for him and had worn previously for him. I had on his fav artist on my Bluetooth speaker, and was wearing my $600 bottle of perfume I'd worn for him before. I wanted to make things as familiar as possible.

I rubbed my pussy on his hard dick through his boxers. I love to tease. He was squirming. It was such a turn-on. The eye contact was piercing right through my soul. He sat up, then picked me up in his arms and gently flipped me over. He stood before me, and I slipped his boxers off and showed my appreciation. I scooted to the edge of the bed and took that big throbbing dick in my mouth and sucked it and licked it. I looked up at him while I did it, and he was thoroughly enjoying it. His long mane hung down and tickled my face while I sucked his dick. I said I wanted to suck it dry. He pulled me up gently and said, 'next time".

He spread my legs apart and buried his face in my pussy. That long blonde mane tickled my legs, and I love when he flips it out of the way. So fucking sexy. I played with his hair while he licked me. AND Oh. MY. GOD. I came right away in his face. I had so much pent-up desire for this man. He was surprised too!

He was so ready for me. There's nothing like a hot guy with a hard dick for me. He stuck that dick in and fucked me hard and he came so fast. I loved kissing him while he fucked me. I hadn't a care in the world. He was my world.

After he came he flipped off me and onto his back, flipped his hair again out of the way, and I went and got a towel. He apologized for having to leave so quickly and I said oh it's fine I knew before you got here you weren't going to be able to stay long. I suggested he rest for a bit since he had a long drive. And within seconds, I was on top of him fucking him again. We couldn't get enough of each other. And I got to see that O-face of his again, so fucking sexy. And I came again fucking him. I licked his neck, I kissed him, I licked him everywhere. And he almost came again. I love how he stays hard even afte an orgasm. He just stays hard and keeps right on fucking me.

We chatted while we got dressed. I'd forgotten to take him into my bathroom and show him the Minnie Mouse framed pic he'd given me was up on the wall! He was telling me how he wanted to "take baths" with me. Plural, not singular! I said, "I want to wash your hair". It was hot and sexy.

We went downstairs, and he wanted a drink! I was like okay hmmm thought your have a long drive. He wanted a Bloody Mary and ironically, I had all the ingredients, they just had never been opened. So I made him one, and he sat on a bar stool in my kitchen and I half-sat on my lap. He told me all about what happened with the GF (she was kind of seeing her ex behind his back). He told me about a new friend of his that lives in his building, and it was so awesome, he was really sharing a lot about himself with me. I felt so comfortable with him, and he seemed to feel the same way. I was a big slobbery in my talk and I think I gushed a little too much. I said something about how a GF should  make you feel "adored", and she didn't make him feel that way. I said, "I adore you".  I also said something about feeling like you're number one with someone. That they should make you feel that way, and I said something stupid and blubbery like "I could be your number one", to which  he responded something about not wanting a relationship right now (and I agreed with him!) and he said what he has with me he "didn't want to define." I loved it. I felt like he'd made a lot of progress in his thinking since we were last together.

It was so nice sitting on his lap and listening to him tell me about himself and his life. I felt like no time had really passed; it was more or less just catching up.

He wanted to roll a joint before he left, so we went outside and sat down on the patio chairs while he did. It was pretty cold out, so I had grabbed a coat. He loved watching my dog and cat frolic in the grass and we chatted. I don't remember what about.

Eventually, it was time for him to go, and it's funny cause now it was almost 1:30. We couldnve fucked more! But it was awesome just hanging out with him. AT MY HOUSE.

I walked out to the garage with him and we kissed bye. I opened to door and he drove out, andI stupidity blew hm a kiss, and walked back into the house. I didn't watch him drive out, and I waited till I was sure he was going before I closed the garage door.

I was still horny and drunkie and felt a little stupid, worried I'd behaved stupidly because of the vodka. And because I was so nervous.

I haven't heard from him since, so I have no idea what he's thinking or if I'm worried for nothing.

I am writing other boys, and one in particular has been after me for a year but he lives in Florida! Indiana will be here in two weeks, and we've been snap chatting sexy videos to each other. I will go fuck him this time he visits.

I told Blondie I hadn't been with anyone else since he and I were together. He'd only been  with his GF. I told him I'd had lots of opportunities but didn't really want anyone else. It was the truth. And I still feel that way, but I have to have back-up since he's not exactly beating down my door to see me again.

Sigh.

Damn he was worth the wait though.

Afterglow

OH. MY. GOD.

Dear readers, you have put up with me for so long, all my sad tirades and all my unrequited desirings. And you've been there for me through it all.  It is with great pleasure and torture that I announce.....

Blondie is back in my life.

I say that without exclamation marks, because I'm beyond exclamations. I am SO happy.

He fills such a deep longing in me, and I've missed him so terribly these last 8 months, and I think I'm still a little shocked. And of course, I haven't heard from him since he drove out of my garage a week ago, so there's still that terror and worry "was that it??? Will I ever see him again??" So that kind of negates the desire for me to put exclamation marks on that sentence. Because, is he truly back in my life, or did he just pop in for one last fuck???

And it's that space I'm in right now. It's a hard space to be in. We've all been there haven't we??

It's a familiar feeling, as I've felt it ever single time I've ever been with him. I leave thinking, 'if I never see him again, it will all still be worth it." And I say that because I'm married!! And most people think "where can this go??? It can't go anywhere!" And I know that the truth is, most relationships end. They just do! So why do we go into them thinking they have to be "forever"??!! THERE IS NO FOREVER. All we have is RIGHT NOW. THIS MOMENT.

And we should be making the most of every single one of those moments, instead of fretting about if there will be more of them.

Because life has NO guarantees. Human beings are not robots. We are fleeting in our cares and desires and the wind may carry us away and it may carry us back. We cannot control ourselves let alone anyone else.

So when the wind carries someone as beautiful and amazing as my Blondie your way, just fucking enjoy them. In that moment. Because you don't know if you'll ever have them again, and if you don't, you don't want to ruin it with forecasting.

But that's what we do. We want guarantees. We want to know "are you all in???" "Are you "the one"???!!" And you know what my dear friends??? There is no such thing. And the sooner you believe that, the happier you will be.

There will be many, many, many people that will come and go in your life, and each one will leave an indelible mark on your heart. Each one is special in their own right. If you go into each relationship with the goal of marriage being the finish line, you miss out completely on the magic, not of "what could be" but WHAT IS.

RIGHT NOW.

This moment, right now, is all that matters.

Love life needed

Hello my sexy readers! I'm sorry I haven't written recently but I really haven't had much to write about unfortunately! My sex life has been at a stand-still sine Blondie found someone else. And since we are FB friends, I see he and his GF have officially broken up, which made me very excited! It's been a couple weeks now and I keep hoping he'll miss me and contact me, but it hasn't happened yet, so I'm moving on. Five and a half months and while he's been fucking his new girlfriend, I've been faithfully keeping myself hot and ready for his return, pushing away anyone else's advances. I've had plenty of opportunities but I just haven't wanted to take my clothes off for anyone but Blondie.

"Indiana" is in town, and writing me 24/7 to come over. When he initially wrote he'd be in town, I had every intention of seeing him if I hadn't heard from Blondie, but now he's here and I'm just kind of "eh". I told him last night I had a "horrible" cold (lie) and that I'd let him know.  I said to my BFF, "What is wrong with me??!!" She said, "don't you like him? You've fucked him before right?" And I answered yes, but that was last summer before Blondie and I got together.

I feel like I've really changed since I was with him. I don't like sex for sex anymore. I liked our relationship so so much! I trusted him. I did things with him I don't want to do with anyone else! I really feel like sexually shut down. I've BEEN shut down since April. We just had a connection like I've never had with anyone before. That shit doesn't just evaporate. It's like I'm stuck.

"F" is still very attentive, sending me snaphats every day. He is so fucking adorable. I think he's still seeing that chick but that's what he does--he can't stay faithful to any girl. He tries but then he misses me. He hasn't made an effort to see me although he seems to want to badly but stops himself. He's fun to flirt with and I think he's the only other guy right now I'd sleep with.

I DID meet someone new I'm smitten with, and I think I'm going to give him a chance. Two guys actually--the first is the hot rocker boy who came to my show last weekend. I fell for him before I even met him. I love his look. He's 26 and also a lead singer! He said he wasn't in a band right now but he's got the 80's hair-band look like he's in Motley Crue. After the show we were hanging out together and flirty and chatting and I just had to kiss him. I just left him standing there and smiled at him. The guys in my band were all hanging out together with some other rocker-types and it was just the best night. The gig went well and hey, I kissed a hot boy so it was a good night!!

The other guy is someone I matched on Tinder. I've "known" him for like 4 years--he's a bartender at our fav hangout! I did NOT know he liked me! He is SUPER hot. A couple of my single friends have either dated him or wished they'd dated him. He is the proverbial hot, young, muscled bartender that all the girls swoon over. It will be fun to see where this goes with either him or Rocker Boy.

Unless.....!!!!! Yeah, you know how this sentence ends.

I kissed a girl....and I liked it!!

Last weekend, my hubby and I had a night out that was super fun. We'd gotten a room downtown--it's a college town with lots of hot sexy young people--and had an amazing $450 dinner at an upscale restaurant, and it was still too early for nightlife, so we went to the casino and dropped a few hundred playing blackjack. It was fun but wow the money went faster than it usually does so we thought "we'd better get outta here!!" So we did. We Uber'd back downtown, stopped at our room to freshen up. I'd been texting a couple of hotties to see if they were interested in hooking up, but one by one they had some sort of excuse. I never mentioned my hubby (he was going to stay downstairs at the bar if I had a visitor) all I said was I had a hotel room. And at a 4-star hotel nonetheless!! Why are guys so fucking flaky??? All day long they beg for my pics and a date and then when I'm actually available, they scatter like cockroaches in the light. I truly don't get it. I looked damn good and it was a shame I couldn't find a young hot guy to share my room with me.

Soooo, we decided to go look for some fun then and since it was a beautiful, warm summer night, we walked to one of our fav dance clubs. It was only a couple of blocks, and as we stood waiting for the light to change to cross the street, I hear my name and it's a friend of mine I play tennis with! She's hot and blonde and single and had met up with another hot, blonde, single woman and a couple of other people. We all went to the dance club together. It was slow, too early (almost midnight!) and they decided to go next door to another dance club that was hopping and meet up with us later.

The music was loud and thumping, and the club was starting to fill up. We'd run into a couple of friends who decided to go next door to a club that was already hopping. My hubby and I sat down at the bar and ordered drinks and just people-watched.  There was a gorgeous dark-haired girl dancing alone by a table of friends, maybe eight people, and we weren't the only ones who couldn't take our eyes off of her. She had on a very short white dress, cute black stilettos, and she was dancing to the music, her eyes closed, in her own little world, just like the famous quote, "Dance as if no one were watching." And she was sexy and sultry and even I was getting turned on and girls don't turn me on!!

Next thing I know, my blonde friend and her group came back to the club, and we all descended up one the dance floor.  We dropped off our drinks and purses with my hubby who sat down at a table nearby.  The place was starting to fill up and we were all getting a little drunky. It was so fun. Hubby did come and dance with me and all of us were just having fun.

I was scanning the place and was so disappointed there weren't any cute boys at all, and most were coupled-up anyways. Then lo and behold I saw the dark-haired girl on the dance floor, holding hands with a very good-looking tall blonde guy, and they had major eye-contact and would occasionally kiss. Then I saw her grab the hand of the tall blonde girl my friend came with, and all three of them started a groups kiss together! The whole club was paying attention. I glanced over at my hubby, who'd gone and sat back down, and his eyes were big like, "WOW!!"

Then the three of them broke apart, and the tall blonde danced off to meet other people, and suddenly my tennis friend was holding hands with the dark-haired girl and her blond man, and then THEY were in a group kiss! I was giggling at this point. What a fun couple they were. I don't see people act like that at all where I live, everyone's so fucking repressed.

And then all three dropped hands, started dancing with other people, and guess who that other person was this time!! That's right!! ME!! I WAS IN THE GROUP KISS!! Mmm it was so hot. I hoped my hubby was watching. Turned out he was and he was as turned on as I was!! The dark-haired girl turns to me and got real close to my face and in broken English she said, "he like my husband" and then went on to say, "it only sex we like sex in my country do u like sex?" And she told me she was French and he was South African and that the two of them and their group all work on a boat and she's the chef!! She said her name was Kim. And she took my face in her hands and kissed me. I have never been kissed by a girl before and it was making me feel really turned on and I wanted more.

Then we went our separate dancing ways. After a song or two, I went to our table and plopped down in a chair and slurped up my drink: I was hot and sweaty! It was such a fun night. But it wasn't over yet! We decided we were getting ready to leave, and I saw the dark-haired girl now dancing with some random scruffy-looking young guy, and I knew I wanted to see her again. I went to the bartender and borrowed a pen from him and scribbled a sexy note and my name and phone number on a cocktail napkin.

I found Kim right where I last saw her, and just as I was about to go up to her she came straight at me and said, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!" And to my added surprise she again took my face in her hands and kissed me a long, slow juicy kiss. It was so hot. When she broke apart I showed her the cocktail napkin and told her what it was and she tried to stuff it in her bra but her dress was high-nexked and she couldn't figure it out, so then she took the now-crumpled napkin in her hand and lifted her dress and stuffed it in her panties. And then she kissed me again and I said "write me or call me! I'll come see u next time your boat comes to Milwaukee!!" and then we left. My head was spinning, and not just from the vodka.

I think I've fallen for a GIRL!!

What love life????

Well hello sexy readers!! I'm sorry I haven't written much on here lately. My date with HH didn't pan out. He didn't flake out on me, it was the other way around. I thought he was going to meet me at my hotel around 11 pm, and he had said he was in a recording session that was running longer than he'd hoped (as a musician myself I've totally been there). I had to be up at 3 am for my flight to Virginia, so when he wrote me at 1 am, "what's your room number?" I slept right through it. Next trip.

Hubby and I went to State Fair Saturday, an I can't believe who I ran into--F!! OMG. Of course I was hoping to run into Blondie but it didn't happen. We were leaning against a small bar table, standing with a couple beers, standing in the shade. It was so hot and we were just standing there, trying to decide if we were done and ready to go home or stay longer, when I saw F in the crowd. And he was coming straight towards me! I looked hot and that's why I wanted to go to the fair! I was so hoping to run into Blondie, even though I had no information he was planning on going. I just felt it, but it was F I was destined to run into.

We all had sunglasses on, which was perfect. He was with a chick his age or younger, and she was super average. I was way hotter, and I could tell he noticed. I said, "Hi "F", and so did my hubby, and he looked right at me with the biggest smile, those perfect white teeth. If I had looked I'm sure I'd have seen a hard-on. His chick looked at me like "who the fuck are you??" It was epic. I am still
waiting to hear from him. I know he can't get me out of his mind. The two of them kept walking past us into the bar, and they apparently didn't find what they were looking for and came back out minutes later, and again, walked right past our table. F was literally inches away from me. He and I were staring at each other oh so sneakily from behind our sunglasses. Even my hubby said, 'he's totally checking you out." Hehehehehehehehe I'm all his. He just needs to ask.

Blondie is still with his chick, who must have one amazing personality bc she's really unattractive. Oh some pics of her she can look pretty but she's at least 200 pounds and she's only 21. I think, "I wonder what she's gonna look like when she's 45".  I pray he's hopefully missing me and jacking off to my pics. I will NOT contact him as long as he's with her. He needs to reach out to me first. He dumped me for her so I will not grovel. I keep hoping they'll break up and he'll come back to me, but I'm not sitting around waiting.

Or maybe I am. I haven't been with anyone else since Blondie!!! And it's not for a lack of suitors. I just haven't found anyone I'm that smitten with. They're all either too young and don't either have a car or an apartment or live too far. I refuse to do all the work. I"m willing to just flirt and wait for F and Blondie to come back, and if I meet someone hot I will def give them a try!

BTW I ran into Asian Stripper Boy in Kohls of all places!! He was like deer-in-the-headlights. I said, 'Hey you" and he just looked frightened so I giggled and went back to pretending like I was shopping. I was with my hubby and said, "did you see that hot Asian guy? That's Asian Stripper Boy!!" He said "damn no!!" And sure enough he texted me soon after and asked me to go dancing with him Saturday night. And then he didn't respond, and then he sent me a FB friend request in the middle of the night, which I accepted in the morning, and then he must've unfriended me bc I couldn't find him. And in the span of a week, Abercromie and Freckles have been snapchatting me, a new 18 year old and a new 19 year old that writes me every single morning, "hello beautiful" but I haven't made any effort to see any of them.

That's it for now my sexy readers! Hope everyone's having a fun and sexy summer!

Love,
Anna XOXOXOXOX

Date with HH next week!!!

Hello my sexy readers! I've been away too long. Between recovering from my amazing cosmetic surgery, I've just been super busy getting back into the swing of things. My band has a big gig coming up, I'm traveling to DC next week, AND going back to California and I have a date with HH!! Yay!! I can't wait!! He confirmed he WILL meet me Thursday! Mmm that guy is delish. One of only 3 guys in my entire lifetime that have made me cum. And he's only 20 years old.

He'll be the first guy I've been with since Blondie dumped me for his new chick. I am so ready for some action! I feel super-confident with my new body and I'm ready to show it off!

I DID meet someone new yesterday! A very hot 19 year old I'll call Drew. He found me on OKCupid and since he said he didn't have a car (LOL) I drove to his work and picked him up! I had plans with my BFF's so I said let's just meet, I'll drive you home and if we like each other we can plan to get together another time. Since he can't drink, and can't drive himself to meet me anywhere, I just wanted to get the meeting over with. No sense planning something if there's no chemistry.

I was an hour and a half late, but let him know ahead of time I would be, and he said that was fine. He is a teacher! So I met him at the school he teaches at. He was hanging out at the park behind the school, and it was a super fucking hot and muggy day. By the time I got there, the poor guy was all sweaty, and I know he'd been up since 5 am, so I thought, give the guy a break. He needed a shower and probably brush his teeth LOL and here I was, freshly showered and shiny.

He was very cute. Skinny, dressed raelly cute, black skinny jeans and a short sleeved plaid button-down. He got in my car, and was smiling so big. I could tell he was really nervous. I forget to think about how it must feel to meet me--you know, a strange woman picks u up in a car and drives off!! I could be a serial killer for all he knows!! LOL

So we made small talk on the drive, it was super awkward. Imagine a first date that lasts 25 min. He was obviously smitten, and I wasn't sure. His teeth didn't look that white (sorry!! Certain things bug me!!) and he had a "man bun", which was cute. I thought about Blondie's man bun (which I hated tbh) but i knew it meant he had long hair and I love love love long hair on a cute guy!! So I imagined him all showered and shiny clean with his hair down. GRRRRR!!

So as we drove he told me he loves to read, and so do I. It was awkward but I was glad to just meet him and get it over with. It ended up he lies in a shitty area, reminded me of south central LA and fucking scary. I couldn't wait to get the hell back on the safety of the freeway.

He showed me where i could pull over and let him out. Maybe he didn't want me to know exactly where he lived!! I put said it was great to meet him, and he put his arm around me and started to kiss me. I don't know, I just wasn't feeling it! Call me shallow but I knew he needed a shower and a good tooth-brushing!! I could taste he was a smoker too, which sometimes turns me on and sometimes turns me off. This time it was a combination of both in the same kiss! LOL He was really going for it, and I was holding back. More than anything I was terrified of being attacked by some random black person at any moment. Seriously it reminded me of south central LA. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, and I was scared driving alone.

I decided he deserved a second chance! After all, he DID wait an hour and a half patiently to meet me and never complained about the heat. He writes me every morning, "Good morning beautiful" like Blondie used to, and it's just sooooo niceeeeee.

I did tell him his neighborhood was not the place for a girl like me and he agreed, so we are going to figure out a way to get together!

"F" is still very attentive, and is #26 on my FB "who views your profile" app. Blondie is way down at #166, BT it appears there's trouble in paradise between him and the new chick (possibly). She's been depressed and has posted things that my BFF has said looks like she's either been dumped or knows it's coming. Also, Blondie has announced he's getting things lined up to move to Colorado, so maybe he's not asking her to go with??? His profile pic is still the two of them all smiling and holding each other, so as far as I'm concerned, until he changes that profile pic, they are still very much together. But my BFF thinks he's just placating her for now. I guess time will tell.

TGIF and have a great sexy weekend everyone!!!!

Ready for some summer sex!

Hello sexy readers!

I haven't had much to write about lately. Ever since Blondie moved on, I haven't had much luck at all. Every time a hottie gets interested lately, they seem to have the same problem I believe Blondie did, which is, I'm married. It appears to be very hard for guys to accept that a hot married girl's husband isn't going to come after them with a shotgun. If I were to lie and say I was divorced, or separated, I wouldn't keep getting shot down (no pun intended!! LOL)

Every time I think, FUCK, there goes another hottie, I just want to scream. There was a super hot high school history teacher I'll call Joe, first year out of college. Twenty-four. He was a "10" for sure. Snapchatting me 24/7. We texted constantly. And then came the question: "how is it someone so gorgeous is actually single??" And whatever answer I gave was insufficient, and he's now ghosting me. He looks at every single snapchat story I post so he's still interested, or curious, or bored, but he hasn't responded to my last 3 texts. Why do guys need me to be single?? It's not like he or any of his young co-horts are looking for wives. What does it matter??!! It's like there's nothing I can say that reassures them sufficiently.

I decided that I'm not going to stoop to lying. It's just not in me. I'm a horrible liar. I'm good at exaggerating the truth LOL but I can't lie. I really can't. I would forget who I told what to, and I know how devastating it feels to be lied to, and I don't want to get involved with someone and then have to say, "there's something I need to tell you." So I will just keep being be, and "ME" is married. I'm not cheating. If you don't know what an "open relationship" is ask me. Or Google it, but it means different things to different people.

That being said, "F" is back! I can't remember if I have written about him on here recently, but yeah, he's back. We haven't gotten together yet  (he's still with his girlfriend!!) but true to F form, he gets bored eventually and comes back to me. And then strange thing is, I'm not sure I really care either way. He broke my heart. It was very hard getting over him. And of course my fling with Blondie helped heal that quickly. I was so happy with Blondie, "F who??!!" And then when that ended, I still didn't think of F anymore. I realized I was over him when he came back.

Things are escalating quickly. He is Snapchatting me 3-5 times a day now, which is unbelievable. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm flattered and intrigued. The last I sent him was a very sexy pic of me in black lingerie (F LOVES me in lingerie) and a caption that said, "I heard it's someone's birthday". Then another sexy pic,  with a caption I wrote that said, "I have a present for you." He sent a pic back immediately, a selfie of him in his car with that mega-watt smile and a caption that said, "tomorrow!" So who knows? Maybe we'll meet up soon. I will most definitely see him, but I know better than to get my heart involved again. He's too young--fuck he's 21 today!!! Younger than my SON!!!! And he will always have a "thing" for me, but like Blondie, will always want a girlfriend--the socially acceptable girl they can plaster all over Facebook. It's all for show.

I try not to make it a habit of looking at Blondie's FB bc it makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't help myself. I'm looking for the elimination of the "relationship with (new chick)" off his page. It's still there. And in my cynicism and heartache, I've spent way too much time analyzing their relationship. They fucking look like brother and sister. Fucking twins. Yin to each other's yang. I can't stand it. And then I get annoyed and think, "I'm done. I'm over you." And then I go and look at the app that tells me who's secretly stalking my FB and the previous man who was once my #1 is now way down to number #154. He's NOT thinking about me. Not right now anyways, and I have to move on. And sometimes I just have to force myself to be grateful for what we had and know that I don't regret a thing. Except not seeing the signs that he was struggling with me being married. I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to let it interfere. But it was there.

I do hope he will boomerang. I think that once you have that strong a connection with someone, that feeling never goes away. That all you have to do is think about that person, and BOOM it's there. Idk for all I know, by the time it happens, if it does, I won't feel the same way anymore. I got over F. I may get over Blondie too.

But he still has one of my earrings. A very nice pair that I thought would be super sexy laying on his dresser. I keep hoping the new chick finds it and he has to think about how it got there. And then, like he told me he did daily, jerk off thinking about me. And then maybe I'll get a text from him. Or he'll add me back on Snapchat.

I really must find someone new.

********

If you are a regular reader of my Twitter, you'll know that I recently had a little work done! I had surgery 2 weeks ago, and I'm still in the recovery process and have some residual swelling in my face. I don't want to talk about it other than to say, "LOOK OUT WORLD! ANNA'S BACK!!" I am super happy with the results so far; it's hard to know how it will look when the swelling goes down more but I've been told by a few friends that I look the same, only a much younger version of myself. I'm super excited for that. 

It's going to be a great summer!!!

Hubby fucks Asian girl

Hello lovely readers, its been awhile since I've written. Sadly, I haven't had much to write about. Blondie has moved on, and that's all I'm going to say about him bc I'm not sure if he reads this blog or not. I had told him about it months ago when we were still at the "friends" stage and had not yet met. Blondie, if you are reading this, well, I don't really need to say anything else. I think what I've already written about you says it all. I miss you terribly.

Deep breath.

In other news, my hubby had some fun a few weeks back, he fucked Ling-Ling! We had talked about it ad infinitum, and I originally had been totally okay with it bc I was seeing Blondie, and I couldn't care less at that time what he did. And then suddenly he had someone and I didn't, and I was getting those uneasy queasy feelings. I knew it would be shitty to put any kind of skid on his fun with her. I had no plans to do that. I had my fun, it was certainly his turn. He had a business trip out in LA where she lives, and had a free evening to see her. He made reservations at some swank bar and she met him there for drinks. Remember this wasn't their first date; they met a month or so ago and had a nice 3 hour date.

They had flirted before the date, she actually texted him, "drinks? Sex?" so he knew where the night was going to go. I was happy for him. I feel like he's earned it after all I've done, and after all we've talked and been through together.

Like I said, I assumed I'd be with Blondie on this particular evening, and when I realized I wasn't going to be, I needed to find some distraction. My friends were all busy. I have been writing new hotties, but didn't really like anyone enough to make a date tbh. There was one guy though I had stopped writing and thought, hmmm, he's hot enough, maybe I'll make the effort to meet him. He lived an hour away though, but I thought, what the hell else do I have to do, the drive would be good for me.

We made a date to meet at a cute bar halfway between us so neither of us would need to drive too far.

Then he cancelled. I knew it was an excuse. This happens a lot to me.

So I frantically started writing other hot boys trying to find someone to go out with me!! And there was one 18 year old that has been after me, well, he's been 17 and I refused to talk to him till he turned 18 and he finally did, so I finally wrote him "hey" and we agreed to meet.

He too cancelled. An excuse.

I thought, 'the universe is trying to tell me to handle this alone. Pay attention to your feelings. A distraction is not what you need tonight. You need to feel whatever you're going to feel."

So I got myself all dressed up and went to my favorite bar that over looks a beautiful lake. It's pretty casual and we frequent this bar so the staff would probably be nice to me and not treat me like the loser I felt like.

I went in and sat down and the bartender, an older gentleman who is very professional, was very nice to me as I needed him to be. I felt very awkward and was feeling better once the pinot I was drinking started to take effect. The bar was busy; there was a woman about my age next to me and I could see her giving me the stinkeye. Why is it women are so mean to each other???! Can't a perfectly nice woman go to a bar and eat alone for Christ's sake??!!

There were a few men to my left, one who was very drunk and very chatty with me. He was actually quite interesting: a physics guy who, he said, has "really, really, really, really, really, really, really" (add about 10 more "really's") " a lot of money." I nodded and chuckled, "That's awesome!!!! Good for you!!" It's fun talking to drunk people.

And I was becoming one of them, and what little filter I usually have was going away. I decided to kill the woman next to me with kindness and struck up a convo with her. By the time she left she was not only pleasant to me but I would say she would say I inspired her to be the best person she could be. I have that effect on people. I read them so well and reflect back what they want to hear about themselves.

What she didn't know was, while I was making myself out to be this lonely wife who's husband was out of town on business and who's kids were busy with their friends, my husband was on a date with another woman, and was going to fuck her. Yeah. Couldn't really talk about that.

I stopped at 2 glasses of wine, had a nice dinner, and went home. Unfortunately, it was only 9 pm my time, which was only 7 pm California time, and she hadn't even shown up yet. She was an hour late for her date with my husband.

I still had the whole evening left. And theirs hadn't even begun. How was I going to get through it????!!

I decided to listen to the universe. I went home and put on my jammies. By then my daughter was home, and I made us a big bowl of popcorn and we watched tv together. We laughed and talked and it was awesome.

Bedtime was harder.

My husband was good about texting me during their date. He was great about texting me as things were happening to make sure I was doing okay, and he was willing to stop at any point if I wasn't. It went from, "she's still not here" to "she's here and she says hi!" to "we are going back to her place, are you ok with that?" to "we stopped making out so I could text you and see if you're still okay".

I WAS okay. I wanted him to have his fun. I certainly had mine. And I was happy for him.

Until.....he stopped responding to my texts around 2 am.

The last I had heard from him was "we are done. Can I sleep a little? I don't want to drive back to my hotel yet." I answered, "yes".

See, what I haven't told you is I wasn't going to give him any rules, but to me, sleeping together seemed to intimate. I never spent the whole night with Blondie, even though I wanted to, out of respect for my husband. It was like, I had my fun, now go home. And my husband said he wasn't going to spend the night with her. His whole plan to go to her place instead of his was precisely for this reason. He even verbalized it--he'd told me earlier in the evening, "I don't want her to come to my hotel! What if she falls asleep?? How will I get rid of her??!!" and thusly that's why he decided to go to HER place instead. So he would have HIS car and be able to leave after.

I need to interject that this was the VERY FIRST TIME  since his infidelity he was going to be having sex with another woman with my knowledge. He needed to 'do it right by me". (oh, and the sex with the call girl a few weeks ago??? NO. I did not know about that till after the fact). This was murky waters he was treading in.

And 10 texts later, of which each of them was increasingly angrier than the one preceding it, he finally wrote back. Nearly 6 hours later. He had simply fallen asleep.

I was irate. It was the worst nights' sleep I'd had since finding out about his cheating. I was a total wreck. How dare he spend the night with her??!! How dare he ignore my texts for 6 hours??! I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. He was due to fly home and I didn't even want to see his face.

He wrote, 'just woke up. I'll call you in 5'.

It was just shy of 6 am California time. The last I'd heard from him was midnight his time.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. He called and profusely apologized. He said they didn't fuck again, nothing happened, he just slept. I was so angry. I said, "I've been sleeping with you for 26 years. You DON'T sleep 6 hours straight. Something always wakes you at least once and you look at your phone and go to the bathroom or something."

It got ugly. We fought via text all day, and when he got home it wasn't much better. Basically, he wanted me to give him the benefit of the doubt ("maybe he's just asleep? I'll find out tomorrow") which I was unable to do.

And I realized that if I had been with Blondie, I would've reacted totally differently. So for me, the experience was, I felt rejected and abandoned by both men. I couldn't yell at Blondie, but I could yell at my husband.

He admitted he was wrong. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He should've gotten up and left like he said he was going to do. He truly thought he would "nap", and not a 6 hour nap.

And it's gotten me thinking in these last few weeks since he was with her, that I have been okay with it. REALLY ok with him seeing her. And i know they're texting. After all, that's what I do, right??!! Selfishly, it's been nice knowing he was still being faithful to me and not fucking any other girl. But this girl might be the reason I'm okay with it. I met her. She's sweet. She's super rich, single, 50, and not trying to steal him.

In other words, my husband can be happily married to me and still fuck someone else. And have a good time with her.

And I can do the same.

It works for us.

We just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary with an expensive dinner, and he gave me diamonds.

Because he feels free and loved in this marriage. We don't own each other.

:))

It takes two to tango

I met my husband in a swank bar we've been to before that's inside of the poshest hotel where I live. We drove separately for a couple of reasons: he was coming from work (it was closer than driving all the way home and back) and I needed my own car because I was meeting Abercrombie at 9:00 o'clock at the same hotel where we first met, which was about halfway on the way home. Just easier.

My hubby got there first and was sitting at the bar having a glass of wine. To his left was a very beautiful tall redhead. There was an older gentleman to her left and she appeared to be with him. I greeted my hubby and he got me a glass of wine and he offered me his barstool but that was too awkward so we both stood. Soon the older gentleman left (guess he wasn't with the pretty redhead) and she offered to move down a chair so I could sit down. Well, that's all it took to start a conversation that ended with her and my hubby naked in her room!!

But I'm getting ahead of myself!

After a few thank you's we sat down and she pretty much was into her phone and my hubby and I were chatting, catching up with our day. We ordered an appetizer and soon we were chatting with the redhead. I'll call her "Kallie". She was telling us she's a nurse for a spinal surgery center in Florida, and was here on business. That led to talking about medicine in general (our son is pre-med) and she was just so lively and intelligent and fun to talk to. The three of us had a great time chatting.

As our collective second glass of red wine became our third, the conversation got more personal. We began really sharing ourselves, all three of us, and she is just a dear, sweet, intelligent and incredibly beautiful just-turned-30-year old! We laughed and laughed.

She told us her side career is a high-paid escort!! She charges upwards of $1200 an hour!! We were like wow!! So she told us stories about the kinds of guys she'd been with. It was fascinating. I told her about my blog. It was fun.

Then we were talking about the cool bar on the 30th floor and the great view, and my hubby said, "let's go have a glass of wine!" and he sold her on the view and the chocolate covered strawberries.

Next thing I know we are having a 4th glass of wine (mind you, I barely picked at the appetizer) and was getting pretty drunk. We had a nice chat, and I was texting Abercrombie the whole time bc I was totally late! It was way past 9, in fact, it was way past 10 and I still wasn't ready to leave to go meet him. I was having a blast!!! I finally said, "I have to go! I have a date and I've kept him waiting almost 2 hours!!!" Turning to look first at my hubby, then me then back at him Kallie said, "you have a DATE??!!" To which my hubby replied, "yep, she does." and she said, "I KNEW your guys were like that!" He then started to tell her about Blondie--"she has a boyfriend" and then I corrected him and said "HAD a boyfriend, I haven't heard from him in two weeks." So I told her the guy I was going to see is someone I've known for about a year. We are just FWB. I have no feelings for him other than a casual fondness. I never care if I see him or not and never miss him. The sex isn't that good; the only thing is he's only 20 and has the most amazing body I've ever seen. He's very good looking too--pretty blue eyes and brown hair but nowhere near as good looking as Blondie. It's just pure, raw sex and it's usually over in less than a half hour. He's good for my ego and that's really about it.

I jumped up from my navy, velvet chair and said, "I gotta go!" I know they said goodbye but I honestly can't remember if I even kissed my hubby goodbye. I really had no thought about what Kallie and my hubby might or might not do. We had made plans to take her out tomorrow night to the casino, so it was a kind of "see ya later".

I shouldn't have driven, but I did.

I made it to the hotel before Abercrombie, but not by much! I had just gotten to the room when I heard him knock. I opened the door and he had a big smile for me. I said, "wow that was fast!" and he said, "I've been ready!" He came in and we chatted a little as it's been since October since I'd last seen him. He's a baseball player for his college so we chatted about that and how he's turning 21 soon. I just talked about the gym and my band.

I put on some music and we got right to it. I love kissing but found that I didn't like kissing him anymore! All I could think about was Blondie and how much I miss kissing him. He's the best kisser I've ever had and it just brought a flood of feelings I didn't want to feel. I mean, that was the whole reason for getting together with Abercrombie in the first place!!! To soothe my wounded ego and broken heart!!! Fuck!!!

Abercrombie stares at me almost like he's looking through me. I used to like it but this time it bothered me. I know why. Wrong guy.

BUT He is super hot. I can't deny that. Not an ounce of fat on that boy. His abs are why I call him "Abercrombie" bc he could be an Abercrombie model. He is THAT good looking.

I pulled off his sweatpants (why is he always wearing sweatpants??!!) and he pulled his red college T-shirt off over his head and tossed it. I was wearing a dress and did the same. I don't do much to him other than sucking his dick and fucking him. It's really not passionate at all. Nothing like Blondie. Abercrombie fucks. Blondie makes love. There's no comparison.

"Abs" loves the way I give head and he always wants me to start there. Which I do. Then he got on his knees, pulled my legs apart, and buried his head. It was hot but he didn't stay there long enough for me to get really aroused. And remember, I was pretty drunkie.

It wasn't long before he was reaching for the condoms. I love watching him put them on. Kneeling, kind of sideways, his dick was super hard like his muscles, and it's a beautiful thing to see. I love when a guy touches his own dick too, and seeing him holding it with one hand and very skillfully sliding the condom on with the other made me super turned on.

He grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me fiercely towards him. His hands still on my ankles (my stillettos still on by the way) he pushed them into the air and held them by his head and penetrated me with that hard cock. It felt pretty damn good. He wanted me to suck his dick some more so he pulled the condom off. I gave it a good sucking, and soon he was digging in the box for another condom.

He wanted me doggy style. That's his orgasm MO. Same every time. I obliged and got on my hands and knees, and after less than a couple minutes, he came. He took off the condom and put it in the toilet and we laughed because it wouldn't flush! We joked about what the maid would think when she finds it and what an awful job that would be to be a hotel maid! We joked about all sorts of disgusting scenarios and he kept flushing it and finally it went down. We laughed and came out of the bathroom and started putting our clothes back on.

We chatted a little more and he asked if I was going to stay there overnight. We had talked about spending the night together and he couldn't and I was relieved. I didn't want to, but I would've liked better sex. I didn't come and I wanted to! I said no, I was going home, so he said we should leave together. I said okay, so we did, I gathered up my few things and we walked out to the elevator together.

We kissed a quick goodbye outside the lobby, and that was it. I got in my car and finally looked at my phone, and my hubby had sent about 8 texts. Apparently, he had gone to Kallie's room and they were about to have sex! He was a bit drunkie too and his last text was, "I'm afraid I'm going to end up paying for this." I thought he meant that I was going to be angry at him but he was worried since she was an escort that she was going to charge him $1200!! I quickly wrote back, "on my way home. hope you're having fun!" I really wasn't jealous at all. I was too drunk and sad to feel anything else.

I got home before my hubby and fell right into bed. He texted me soon he was on his way and that he didn't fuck her. Apparently they did everything else though! I was happy for him. He said he felt too uncomfortable to fuck her and was worried how I would feel. He came home and fucked me hard and then we crashed.

I really don't know how I feel about anything. I don't know why Blondie hasn't contacted me in two weeks, and I am sick about it. I miss him, and the unknown is making me insane. Fortunately, there are plenty of hot young guys willing to take his place.

Hubby and I are taking Kallie out to dinner tonight and to the casino. Although I'm not into having sex with women, she is a doll and I wouldn't mind having a threesome with her tonight. I'll mostly watch, which is fine with me, and she can play with me if she wants.

You can be sure I'll tell you all about it tomorrow!

Anna's hubby gets some action!

Hello sexy readers!!

I thought I'd take today to fill you in on a couple things you may be wondering about, like, namely, my husband's love life!! Without digressing into the whole journey we took getting here, basically, you could say right now it's more equal than it's been in the last 4 years since I accidentally uncovered years of lies and infidelity. 

Basically, it's been mostly one-sided since we reunited in April of 2012. Of course I have had major trust issues with him, so he has refrained from having other women in his life until recently. It's not that he hasn't been interested in anyone; it's that I haven't allowed him to act on it. The first woman he chose was a co-worker (yes, AGAIN) and I forbid it. He willingly complied. Always worried he will cheat again--hence the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I made sure his leash was on tight at all times. Fearful of losing me, he obliged and didn't complain.

We've made increasing progress over the last two years, mostly because I had some epiphanies that began the night I watched my mother take her last breaths. And of course, weekly therapy for three years and anti-depressants during that time. And most of all, my steadfastness and earnestness to heal from the trauma.

I also made a New Year's resolution this last New Year's Day that I would not live another day in fear. With my permission, my husband went back on Tinder and OKCupid, and met someone. I'll call her "Kate".

I told him I needed him to take it slowly, and he was wonderful and said that was fine. He said all the right things; that "no one was worth" losing me over. still suffer from PTSD from all the trauma; just hearing his phone "ding" and seeing him holding it and texting his mother even was causing major distress to me. 

But I worked through it. And all this started way before I met Blondie. I wasn't seeing anyone, and here it was his turn for some attention. I did feel a lot of guilt that it was one-sided, but it was mixed with quite a bit of indignation in the form of "you should feel so fucking lucky you have ME!! How dare you want anyone else???!!!" 

But the REAL breakthroughs came when I went to California by myself in January this year. I spent a lot of time on the beach; the very beaches I grew up on that welcome me back every time with open arms. I had some epiphanies during my time on the sand: I ran every day, I played in the water, I meditated, I cried, I sat and watched the surfers, I gazed at the cute little sandpipers running back and forth with the waves, poking their long, skinny beaks into the sand for food. I took a zillion pictures. I never wanted to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the sun and sleep. I realized how eternal the ocean is--that it was here long before me. That is was there for me when I was growing up, and every time I return, it welcomes me with open arms and all it's grandeur and love. And long after I'm gone, it will still be there, giving its love to everyone who comes and seeks joy on her shores. 

I burst into tears when I realized that this is the love my husband gives me. It's eternal, it is unconditional, and what is MY love???!! The opposite!! It was quite a moment. I decided right then and there on my beach that I would try to love him the way he loves me. Starting right now.

Add to that, I met HH two days later, and I had such a fun time with him. And I continued to think, "I could fall in love with HH and would it diminish what I feel for my H (husband)?" And the answer is no. And he loves me enough to allow me to be whoever I need to be to be true to myself! Don't I want that for HIM??!! I would never get to that place if he had a leash on me the way I've had a leash on him. 

What I left out is, when I left for California, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The worst I'd had in a long time. All I thought about night and day was him and Kate.  I'd "allowed" him to go on 5 dates with her!!! Nothing had yet happened aside from one kiss which made me go ballistic. I wanted desperately to be "ok" with them fucking but was holding the leash on them. I had been going to hypnosis also to try to re-program my brain from the trauma of being cheated on. It was helping but I still couldn't get there. 

I even made the effort to meet Kate and indeed we met her for drinks. I needed to try harder. Because my husband deserved it. He was trying so hard to do the right thing. She was SO nice, SO respectful, and we ended up being friends. Not BFF's mind you. But I believed her when she said she loves her husband and isn't looking to replace him with my H. I felt so good about her I invited her to come to our band's gig the following week.

And she came, and when I saw her, I was actually happy for my H. It was HUGE. Huge progress for me to see them standing together, body language showing interest in one another and thinking about my husband being naked with another woman. I had a few bad moments but I realized I could get past them.

So I was getting there, but increasing was my anxiety over "letting them" actually fuck. They weren't pressuring me for permission thankfully--the pressure came from within me. I was convinced that if they did, I would go into a full-on PTSD rage and I'd want to divorce him, and he was so scared that would happen, he said he had all but lost interest in her or anyone. 

So by the time I left for California, I was so worked up with anxiety about it all. I wanted so desperately to be a different person than I was. And I was trying so fucking hard to get there! What was my fucking problem??? The trauma. The cheating. It does REAL damage folks. Until you've been there, you have NO IDEA. And I had come a long way with all my therapy and meds, but still, the PTSD is REAL. And it can be REAL BAD.

When I returned from my trip, I felt like I had truly healed. My ocean, my beach healed me.

I told my H all about my epiphanies and of course he was happy for me but distrustful that it would last. And I can't honestly say he isn't right, but I am trying very hard.

The very next week he had to travel there himself for work and I suggested he look up "Ling-Ling" (not her real name) and see if she was interested in hooking up. She did want to see him! He met her at her work in downtown LA and they went out to dinner. It was about a four-hour date; it didn't end in sex, only a hug but they had a great time. I was actually totally fine the whole time bc my H was texting me the whole time, checking in with me frequently. He was so scared of doing the wrong thing.And he contacted her again last week when he was in LA again and she stood him up, but continued to send him sexy pics of herself and say "next time".

Enter Blondie.

Meeting him has made me appreciate my H even more. He is so supportive of our relationship because, and I quote, "he makes you happy."

I want to love him that much. And it has made me question so many things about myself, marriage, and all that stuff. But that's for another blog.

And when we were in LA last week together, we were at the hotel bar (Sunset Marquis mind you, not just your "average" hotel bar) and we were getting hammered. I was making out with some hot model and I realized later my H was making out with some older woman at the same time! We laughed about it later. We were both okay.

I had to fly home the following day and he stayed for work, and I told him to see if Ling-Ling was interested in seeing him. They texted back and forth, but ultimately, she was apparently too busy once again, but she IS still interested in taking things further and they have a tentative hook-up date for early April when he travels there again.

I know Kate has shown renewed interest in him as well, and my thing was always, "don't fuck JUST her", which is why I kept encouraging him to see Ling-Ling in California too. I was so worried about him falling in love with Kate and I thought if he had more than one woman that would be less likely to happen.

How silly I've been.

Being with Blondie has opened my eyes to a different perspective on things in so many ways. And of course, a lot of it is in the abstract bc it hasn't happened yet. My husband has NOT fucked another woman since September 2011. And I know he's super conflicted about it.

The night we were at the Sunset Marquis and we'd both been making out with other people, we got separated from each other and found each other by one of the outdoor pools. I can't remember a time when we were that drunk. I was mostly giggly (I get like that) but he was almost desperate. He was so upset at what he had done and was beside himself. When we talked the next day, I realized it was bc he hadn't had a chance to ASK me if he could make out with this woman. He felt like he'd cheated on me again and he was just sick about it. He stopped himself from going to her hotel room by getting up and leaving the bar when she said she had to go use the restroom. He came to find me and was scared when he couldn't find me initially.

I said to stop worrying, it was fine. Even though he was drunk, he stopped himself from fucking her. I was proud of him. And if he hadn't?? I guess I would've freaked out! He's right!! But maybe not, bc Blondie and I had just had two amazing dates before our trip and we were texting the whole time I was there. I've been in La-La Land ever since and it's like nothing bothers me now! I'm floating up above and sharing the loving feeling as if I were a hippy on acid. Love, love, love, like the Beatles song.

I realized later too, that my H has really no rules or leash on me. I have to be the same for him. I WANT to be the same way.

If I want to fuck someone, I just tell him. BEFORE I do anything. And that's really our only rule. Let each other know BEFORE anything happens. But then like that Saturday night at the Marquis, sometimes, you get into a compromising situation and the request for permission doesn't happen. I have to be forgiving and flexible.  I have to know my husband's heart. It's called TRUST.

And I can truly say, four years after D-day, that he has earned that trust back.

For Blondie

One of the most precious moments of my life was the moment about four weeks ago when Blondie said to me, "I want to ask you to be my girlfriend, but you're married. So what do I do about that??!!" I responded enthusiastically, "I can still be your girlfriend!!" He answered, "you CAN??!!" And I said, "YES!! I CAN!!" He then asked me what was my definition of a girlfriend, and I said, "well, she's someone who hurts when you hurt. She's happy when you're happy. And she will do anything in her power to make you happy". He responded with the most beautiful smile, sparkly eyes, and a passionate kiss.

During our date last Friday, as I was driving him home, he asked me about my husband and how this all works. I was unprepared for the question, and I was driving, and having ADD I can't really do two things at the same time well LOL and I think my answer was inadequate. I wish I'd explained it better to Blondie, because I care so much about him and wish I'd given him a better answer. And being that I'm much better at expressing myself in writing than talking, I thought I would answer his question completely here today.

The answer is, "easy". I don't have to "do" anything differently if I wasn't married.

To me, being Blondie's girlfriend means what I told him. That when he hurts, I feel his pain as if it were my own. When he's happy, my world is sunnier. It's really that simple.

It also means I always have his back. It means I never stop thinking about him. And I never will. I will always want to do whatever I can to make him happy. I want to give him everything and be everything to him. I want to go places with him, laugh with him, lay with him. Cook for him, take care of him, buy him things, make him things, and just plain BE with him. I want to be a part of his life. I want to meet his mom, his friends (I've met his roommate!! And he's totally sweet to me!). I want him included at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

So, the real question he might have really been asking me could've been, "Do you have enough time for me? How do I share you with someone else you live with?" The truth is, sharing me is really about time management. We all lead such busy lives. We have jobs, friends, families, hobbies, all sorts of responsibilities. We juggle constantly.

Being Blondie's girlfriend, to me, means he has moved to the top of my list. He is a priority. He is right at the top with my husband and my kids now. Because of the way I feel about him, that's where I want him to be. I can't imagine him being anywhere else. Does he feel this way about me? I don't know. I think he does, since he's the one that asked me to be his girlfriend. I know he's never dated a married woman before, so I know he's not certain how this will work. All I know is, he makes me super happy and all I want is more!!!

Maybe he wonders about our sex life. Do I still fuck my husband? How is it he's really ok with this? I hope that if he wants to know anything, all he has to do is ask. 

I wish I could go on Facebook and click, "In a relationship with Blondie" the way other people can, but I'm sure it wouldn't let me. Maybe someday Facebook will progress to allow someone to be married and "in a relationship" with someone else at the same time. I want bragging rights too!!

But it all comes down to this: All I really want is for him to truly know that yes, I am honored to be his girlfriend, and I want the whole world to know he's my boyfriend. 

He's amazing! 

Best. Date. Ever. And the jalapeno incident

Yesterday was Date #4, and it was epic.

I've been on cloud nine and I am not coming down anytime soon.

Since he can't drive since his knee surgery (and lack of working car), I picked Blondie up at his apartment yesterday at 8:15 am. He texted me he was ready by 7! Is that hot or WHAT?! I was smiling like crazy. I had to wait till my daughter got off to school.

I was so excited! I was bringing him back to my house! He was going to see where I live; my life, my home, my animals, my things. I felt so vulnerable but it was really, really exciting! I cleaned for like 9 hours the day before so everything would look nice.

He just loved it; he was so complimentary. I gave him the tour and on his crutches he went up and down all the stairs so well! He had been texting me the day before that he wanted to make this black bean salsa, and I was going to make my "famous" guacamole, so we had brought all the ingredients. I was so excited, I was not hungry at all, all i wanted was to get naked with him but I was like, well, this is what he wants to do so that's what we will do.

We finished the tour of the house, and we were in the kitchen and I can't remember what he said but i think I thought he wanted to make the salsa & guac, but thankfully mid-sentence he cradled my face in his hands and started kissing me! It was deep and long and sooo passionate. When we broke apart, he said he'd been wanting to do that since I picked him up!! (Happy dance!!!) We couldn't stop kissing and pressing our bodies up against one another. I said, "I don't know about you, but I'm really not thinking about avocados right now!" lol and he kissed me again and said "me neither". I said, "Want to go upstairs?" and he kissed me passionately in a definite "yes".

We were smiling and happy and he hobbled upstairs, always the gentleman though by letting me go first. When we got to my bedroom, he plopped down on the bed, arms outstretched over his head confidently, ready for action! He looked so gorgeous. He had his long gorgeous mane of hair up in a "man-bun" but of course he still looked so fucking sexy. I had lit candles before I'd left to go get him and my bedroom looked and smelled inviting.

I climbed in bed with him, and he explained about his knee, which was wrapped well. It had only been a week since his surgery so it was much much better but still quite sore and we had to be careful! I was so happy at the progress he made and that he was able to have sex!! I immediately straddled him and we began making out. He is the most amazing kisser; I love the way he bites my lips and sucks them. I've never been kissed the way he kisses me!!! It really gets me going.

I helped him take off his shirts, and he asked if I'd like to help him take off his pants! Well DUH!! That was so fun! I had been wearing leggings (first time he'd seen me in anything but a dress!) and he lifted my top up over my head, and I took my leggings off. Of course I had a super sexy bra on, my pink one with rhinestones around the edge, and a pink lace thong. And I love the way he takes a deep breath when he sees me undressed and tells me what a beautiful body I have!!! (happy dance again!!!)

We kissed and I licked him head to toe, and he was ready to fuck me. We fucked so hard, and it felt so good to feel him again, and he came pretty quickly. It made me happy. What I love is how we really don't stop just cuz he climaxes! He caresses me, he kisses me, he stays inside me. We don't stop and clean up. It's so exhilarating! I've never had sex like this ever. He is one fucking hot sexy lion with that long blonde mane. Oh, speaking of which, after we'd made out a little, I asked him if I could take his hair down and he said "do whatever you want!" Cuz I love love love his long gorgeous hair!!

So he came, and we kept going. So much passion for each other! What I love so much about the way he has sex is, it's making love. It's not just "sex". He's not grabby, he's not selfish at all, he doesn't hurt me in any way. He loves face-to-face sex and he seems totally into me! And he's so complimentary, and he's so sincere. I don't think there's an insincere bone in his body. He's so real and so present. He makes me feel like the queen of the universe!!

So we kept kissing and fucking and he came a second time. I was on top and afterwards, I just stayed on top of him, my head off to the side on his shoulder, our bodies warm and sweaty together. I never wanted to let go. I then did something I've never done to any man that I can remember--I put my legs up around his torso, and hugged him with my full body and said, "i'm giving you a whole-body hug". He hugged me back, our bodies so close if I could've gone inside his skin I would have. I felt like we were one. It. Was. Amazing.

We stayed like that for some time. It was beautiful. I climbed off him and we were cuddling. Finally I giggled  and said, "let's go make our food!" and he agreed! So he put on his boxers and a shirt, and I put on a sexy red negligee, and we went downstairs. He kept saying how much he loved my house, and how he wants a house like mind someday. He loved the kitchen too, how big it was and all the stuff I had that he needs like measuring cups and stuff.

So, he was making his salsa and I was making the guac and we were chatting and listening to music. It was soooo fun doing some random domestic stuff with him!! We got out some tortilla chips and tried our creations, and fed each other. It was so fun. I had a jalapeno pepper I had put in my guac and he decided to chop some up and put it in his salsa. They were both pretty yummy, but feeding each other, we started kissing like we did that first night at his place when he cooked for me. We were hungrier for each other than we were for the food and decided to go back upstairs! We put the food in the fridge and made our way back up to my bedroom.

We came upstairs and he was as attentive as ever. He is so loving in the way he touches me. I just can't get enough. He had that gorgeous face of his deep in my pussy and licking me so perfectly. I took a picture! Oh my god, it makes my heart skip a beat to look at it, and my desire for him just builds. I had told him I wanted to swallow his cum, and he said he was going to ask me if I would like to do that! He pulled me down to the edge of the bed and started fucking me, my legs in the air around him. It was very fulfilling and hot, and I especially love the way he looks at me right in the eyes while he's fucking me. He fucked me really hard, full of desire, and then said he was going to cum if I wanted to swallow his cum and I said "yes! yes i do!" then he gently pulled out and stuck his dick in my mouth and he came inside it. I swallowed every drop; he was so delicious. I felt so good making HIM feel so good! I love watching him cum; he's truly so beautiful, and I love the look on his face!

I was thrilled I made him cum three times! We took a very short break; he starting fingering me and all of a sudden I had this horrible burning sensation deep in my pussy and it was hurting so bad!! I was so worried, I was like, "wtf is this???!! Did he give me some kind of infection??!!" Seriously I was starting to freak out. It really hurt. I thought, "do I tell him?? What will he think?"And then he took his fingers out and put his cock inside me, and as he was fucking me, it hurt badly and I had to make him stop! I put my hand on his tummy and said "omg I'm so sorry but my pussy is on fire!!!!" He pulled out slowly and said, "So is my dick!" He laid down next to me and the tip was bright red! We were both in so much pain! We both said at the same time, "jalapeno!!!"

We realized that he must've still had jalapeno juice on his fingers from cutting one up and putting it in the salsa!! We jumped up and ran to the bathroom! He was standing at one of the sinks, splashing cold water on his dick and I grabbed a washcloth and ran cold water on it and shoved it inside my pussy best I could! We were moaning in pain and laughing at the same time! It was painful and hilarious at the same time! We fell back in bed, me holding the cold washcloth I'd shoved into my vagina, and he was holding the tip of his penis in his cold hands. I asked him if he would like a cold washcloth and he said, "oh yes!" so I got up and got one for him!

We laid there, laughing and moaning. After about 15 min or so, we both compared notes and realized we were much better, so we started kissing and making love again. I don't remember why--must've been in a response to something we were talking about--Oh I know! We were talking about him taking pics of me and us. He said he has a really awesome camera and I said I woud ld love that. That I have lots of clothes and costumes and really love dressing up! Then I remembered something I had in my closet, so I told him I'd be right back. I came back with my white feather boa! He LOVED it!! We played with it together, and I got a beautiful pic of him wrapped in it. He kept saying how much he loved and "has to get one". I told him at one point, "close your eyes". He did, and I teased him with the feather boa, slowly touching his body with it, up and down, all over, his face, his cock, his balls, his tummy, his chest, back up to his face, and all over up and down, slowly, very slowly. His cock let me know he was absolutely and thoroughly enjoying it!

I got on top of him and put that beautiful hard cock of his inside me and he came for the fourth time! This time, the ecstasy in his face was something i'd never seen before. It was so beautiful, so real, so hot, so consuming, I was like WOW I'VE FUCKING DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN. Having daytime sex was so much better than nighttime cuz I could see his face so well!!!

He was spent after that. He was, of course, still so very loving. He wanted soo badly to make me cum and he'd tried so hard. Being the amazing lover he is, he didn't stop. He kept caressing me and kissing me even though he joked how spent he was! I was so happy to have made him cum 4 times--AGAIN!!! LAST WEEK WASN'T A FLUKE!! I MADE THIS GORGEOUS MAN CUM 4 TIMES IN JUST A FEW HOURS!! I mean, how fucking hot is THAT?!!

I was still so fucking horny! He wanted to make me cum so bad, and I wanted that too, more than anything, but it just wasn't happening. I could tell he was getting frustrated and upset, and that didn't help. I said, "I'm sorry I'm taking so long" and he was so sweet he said something like "it's fine take your time, I want to make u cum so bad". But it just wasn't happening. I was too self-conscious. And he would touch me in just the right place, and i would say, "oh my god, you're going to make me cum" and he'd start rubbing my clit harder or move it further down and I'd lose it. I wanted him to make me cum so badly too! He was kissing me, and I broke apart the kiss and said, "I'm sorry I'm taking so long. Maybe I don't want to cum". He said, "how come?" I answered, thinking of what my BFF said to me, "Bc I will feel too much for you." He breathed, "feel it. Go there", and that's all it took. He made me cum.

It was a big moment. So special. I had told him how only 3 guys in my whole life had made me cum, so I hope he knows how special he is. And not just for that reason of course!!

After my wonderful journey to the promised land, we laid there and talked and kissed. We kept laughing about the "Jalapeno Incident". I said, "We have a great story we can't tell anyone!!!" He said, "Oh, I'm going to have to tell people!" Hmmm!!! Who would he say he was with when this happened??!! Maybe he would just tell his roommate who is super sweet to me.

He asked me to go to a sex shop with him! He said he wanted to get a cock ring. I said, "Who for?" and he said, 'for you!' and proceeded to explain how his ex-gf liked deep thrusting (ew) and how I like it clitoral, so he wants to get that and try it with me! I thought that was so sweet! He also said he wanted to drive by some big houses. I said, "let's get dressed and go!!' so we did.

It was fun driving him around my neighboring neighborhood, where the house start at just under a million. We share a backyard. He took snapchat videos and it was so fun cuz later I watched them and you could see the Union Jack mirrors of my car. Of course I was hoping friends would say "who's car is that you were in???'

Unfortunately, I got off at the wrong exit and got us lost. We ended up close to his neighborhood, and he asked sweetly if we could go another time? He had his "ma" coming to visit and he had a bunch of stuff to do, would it be ok if I took him home? I said of course! We can go another time! And it was so fun having him in my car and driving him around. The whole day was surreal: having him in my car, in my home, meeting my pets, fucking me in my bed, chopping vegetables in my kitchen. I just stare at him, so smitten, hoping he doesn't tire of me and find someone younger and cuter.

Driving home, we were stopped at a stoplight and he said, "omg at least 10 cars looked at you!" I said, "maybe they were looking at the gorgeous guy in the passenger seat!!! He was like no, they were not looking at me. So cute and humble. I'm sure they were. He's so beautiful.

We made plans to go on hikes and do other fun things together, but not the zoo cuz he "hates the zoo"!! LOL But he loves aquariums. I do too! I told him about the ones in California. OH!! I forgot to tell you! We are going back to Cali in August, and my hubby said we should get a group together and all go. My BFF has asked for the time off and she's going! And I asked Blondie to go and he was like, "OH YES!!!"

Soooooooo.....I really like where this is going. I personally cannot get enough of this incredibly loving, fun, exciting man.

It's almost 3 am now, and I must get to sleep.

I. Am. So. Happy.