Hot sex with New Guy!

I had fun with New Guy yesterday. Yes! New Guy! Who I keep saying I need to give him a name, but then I lose interest in him and we have this lull where we don't contact each other anymore, and then he pops back. So, he will just continue to be New Guy. I can't seem to come up with a better nickname for him. Maybe something will occur to me while I write this.

So Blondie has been super attentive, but let's face it--he's five hours away and we all know he WILL dump me again bc he's done it twice already. I swear I have PTSD every time he messages me bc I'm literally always on alert for that "I can't talk to you anymore, I'm "pursuing" this new chick" text that WILL COME EVENTUALLY. I am really only a place mark, a true "in-between" girl until somebody better comes along. And by better, I mean half my age and single and available who can see him every day and play video games and go out on dates. I can't do those things bc I'm married, and that's fine. I like the arrangement we have--the same arrangement I have with all my guys. But I have to be careful not to get attached.

So it makes perfect sense to keep seeing other guys and not put all my hooks into Blondie, right? And New Guy started messaging me a few days ago, actually asking me questions about the band and how was life treating me, etc. Instead of his usual, "sup", and "wanna hang out?" It was nice. So I went over there. And it was awesome--our best yet.

See, I have this theory about the way men have sex. Some fuck, and some make love. Guys who just "fuck" don't care if you cum; it's all about them. It's a sexual act that mainly focuses on THEIR pleasure. Blondie makes love. New Guy fucks. And when I tell you the way he fucked me yesterday, you'll see how he transformed himself into a guy who "makes love". If you read my blog consistently, you'll see the difference in the guys I've been with. Here's my unofficial list off the top of my head:

Men who "fuck":

1. Abercrombie
2. New Guy
3. Asian Stripper Boy
4. Freckles
5. Most random hook-ups

Men who "make love"

1. My husband
2. Blondie
3.Jordan
4. HH
5. Hot Lips

And yesterday New Guy went from column one to column two.

I entered his apartment, and like always, it's dark and I can't see anything. The smell of pot is apparent though not overwhelming. New Guy is always in bed waiting for me, his TV on, and he's usually dressed. This time he was already naked, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I feasted on his already hard cock as he greeted me, sprawled out on his bed. I smiled and he got up and kissed me hello, a juicy deep kiss and then proceeded to peel off my clothes one item at a time. Being that it was 14 degrees out,  I had a lot of layers on and we laughed how long it was taking to get me naked! Finally everything was off but my socks, which were over my leggings and stuck, so I sat on the edge of his bed to get them off and he came up behind me and straddled me. He pressed his body up against mine, and I could feel his hard cock up against my lower back, but what he did next was unexpected and wonderful.

He's a big guy, six-four like my hubby, but not as skinny, he's not fat but just big, and like my hubby, has big hands. And New Guy took those big warm hands of his and caressed my arms up and down, slowly and lovingly, warming me up, kissing my neck from behind as he did so. I was like WHOA THIS IS SO NICE!!!!! I melted into him, just enjoying the feeling of his caress and his warm body up against mine. I closed my eyes and just let him adore me.

I asked him, "So, do we need a condom?" He answered that it was "up to me". I said, "well it depends! I'm clean but who've YOU been fucking?" I was referring to his ex-girlfriend who he fucked a few months ago who gave him chlamydia!!! He laughed and said, "nobody really". I said,"nobody REALLY or NOBODY??" he said, "nobody" I said, "GOOD. You should just fuck ME." He agreed and we both laughed.

Then he pulled me astride him from our sitting position, and laid back down with me on top of him. He didn't seem as interested in sex as he was cuddling and being touched. It was really nice and unexpected! Those big hands were just everywhere on my small frame; he wasn't grabby at all. Suddenly everything he did was done slowly and affectionately. Up and down my arms, up and over my stomach (which I hate my stomach being touched), and my breasts. Instead of grabbing them he cupped them and brought them to his face--nose first he buried his face into my cleavage, coming up for air to suck my nipples, then moved me down and put his stiff cock between them and fucked them. I love the way he takes charge; he moves me where he wants me. I never have to ask or wonder, "what should we do now?" Then he gently pushed my head down to his cock for me to suck it. I gave it all the attention I wanted to, and he played with my hair and moaned while I pleasured him.

We didn't have much time together; we had less than an hour. We were squeezing in an hour to see each other, which I thought was super hot. And since he's usually a guy that "fucks", we're usually done in an hour anyways so to me it was perfect. Fuck each other and I get to go home. No emotion, just sex.

It was interesting how he kept talking to me off and on--like every time we switched positions he asked me something. I can't remember what about now--but I know we mostly talk about music and our bands. He's never been this interested in me before! Then I rose up from giving him awesome BJ and positioned myself so his dick slid right into me, his hands on my ass, I fucked him hard, until he lifted me off to keep himself from coming. We did this a couple times, then he rolled me off of him and played with my clit, trying to make me cum. He hasn't yet; he tries but it hasn't happened. I will need much more time to show him how to make me cum sometime. (Next time!) He would talk to me during it all!

Suddenly my legs are in the air and he's on top of me, fingering me again, and then he opens my vagina up, kisses me deeply and slowly inserts his cock in me. I love the way he does that; he doesn't just shove it in, he always uses his fingers to get me ready and open me up. He fucked me hard and then stopped himself again so he wouldn't come too fast. Flipping me over again, he whispered, "you on top". And being on top I got to set the pace so we fucked hard at first, and then I whispered back, "slowly", and fucked him slowly, which is MY favorite, and he came. Afterwards, we just laid there for a bit, he laughed and said how awesome that was and that he wished he didn't have to go to work and I could stay longer. I said "me too", although it was actually a lie; I like to go home when we're done and be alone.

I rolled off of him and laid in the crook of his underarm and we chatted for a bit. He wanted to talk about Trump's speech (he's a huge Trump fan and he knows I'm not) so we did. And it was lively and fun as always, and then he had to get up and get ready for work.

He jumped in the shower and left the door open and was chatting the whole time. I have never seen him so engaging with me. He was gregarious and happy and silly, not at all the depressed guy he often. He was more like Blondie--very outgoing and chatty and just so happy, it was a super nice change. I felt energized being around him instead of the usual "ugh you're half my age! You have your whole life ahead of you!" I don't know what's changed with him but it was wonderful.

He got out of the shower and as he was drying off, I was getting dressed, and I was just outside the bathroom door watching him. It seemed so intimate compared to what we usually do together (just fuck and go home). I got to see his whole "get ready" routine, which included cologne and tooth-brushing and it was just so fun to watch him. He had no self-consciousness whatsoever around me.
I watched him dry off (super hot!) and get dressed, and the best part was the ball cap he put on backwards. I just stared at him while he chatted away, thinking, mmmmm I think I'm smitten!! He looked younger and healthier than I'd ever seen him. He was certainly happier. He said I was a "saint" for "putting up with him." I said simply, "I think you're adorable." He laughed as if that couldn't possibly be true and said, "YOU'RE the adorable one."

Then he asked me if I'd mind if he smoked before he went to work (what am I, his mother???) and I said "of course not". He doesn't drink, hasn't in years, but has told me before that he's "always high". He sat down on the living room couch, and apologized for the mess. I said jokingly how it's apparent two bachelors live here. He said his roommate's a slob and he gets tired of doing all the picking up. Then he picked up something that looked like an hypodermic needle but it was quite large, almost looked like a toy one you'd get to go with a Halloween costume. He explained as he got ready to use it what it was; he was doing something called "pot wax" which I'd seen on an Instagram post of a friend of my daughter's once and it horrified and terrified me. I'd never heard of such a thing. How ironic I had sex with a guy who does this. He demonstrated how he uses it, how it's "pure THC" (which I've heard is the opposite of medicinal marijuana?) He lit a small little tin with a lighter, used the hypodermic-needle looking thing and inhaled from the little tin. He asked if it bothered me and I said no, it didn't, and it really didn't, this was HIS life, and he's not my boyfriend. He can do what he wants, and he seems to function well high. He said again, "you're a saint to put up with me". He was done lickety-split and walked around looking for his keys. I got my two jackets on, and my hat and gloves and had my keys in my hand, and he led me out, down the stairs to the garage where I was parked just in front of it. He opened the garage door and walked me to my car, commenting on how cute it is and teased it for not handling well in the snow. I said it's the driver not the car LOL

And then in front of God and anyone who could've seen us, he kissed me a sweet kiss goodbye and told me to "drive careful" at least twice. As we walked to our separate cars, he wished me a good rest of my day. He really seemed so much more engaged with me than I've ever seen him.

Next time I definitely think I'll want to stay longer ;)

Hubby fucks Asian girl

Hello lovely readers, its been awhile since I've written. Sadly, I haven't had much to write about. Blondie has moved on, and that's all I'm going to say about him bc I'm not sure if he reads this blog or not. I had told him about it months ago when we were still at the "friends" stage and had not yet met. Blondie, if you are reading this, well, I don't really need to say anything else. I think what I've already written about you says it all. I miss you terribly.

Deep breath.

In other news, my hubby had some fun a few weeks back, he fucked Ling-Ling! We had talked about it ad infinitum, and I originally had been totally okay with it bc I was seeing Blondie, and I couldn't care less at that time what he did. And then suddenly he had someone and I didn't, and I was getting those uneasy queasy feelings. I knew it would be shitty to put any kind of skid on his fun with her. I had no plans to do that. I had my fun, it was certainly his turn. He had a business trip out in LA where she lives, and had a free evening to see her. He made reservations at some swank bar and she met him there for drinks. Remember this wasn't their first date; they met a month or so ago and had a nice 3 hour date.

They had flirted before the date, she actually texted him, "drinks? Sex?" so he knew where the night was going to go. I was happy for him. I feel like he's earned it after all I've done, and after all we've talked and been through together.

Like I said, I assumed I'd be with Blondie on this particular evening, and when I realized I wasn't going to be, I needed to find some distraction. My friends were all busy. I have been writing new hotties, but didn't really like anyone enough to make a date tbh. There was one guy though I had stopped writing and thought, hmmm, he's hot enough, maybe I'll make the effort to meet him. He lived an hour away though, but I thought, what the hell else do I have to do, the drive would be good for me.

We made a date to meet at a cute bar halfway between us so neither of us would need to drive too far.

Then he cancelled. I knew it was an excuse. This happens a lot to me.

So I frantically started writing other hot boys trying to find someone to go out with me!! And there was one 18 year old that has been after me, well, he's been 17 and I refused to talk to him till he turned 18 and he finally did, so I finally wrote him "hey" and we agreed to meet.

He too cancelled. An excuse.

I thought, 'the universe is trying to tell me to handle this alone. Pay attention to your feelings. A distraction is not what you need tonight. You need to feel whatever you're going to feel."

So I got myself all dressed up and went to my favorite bar that over looks a beautiful lake. It's pretty casual and we frequent this bar so the staff would probably be nice to me and not treat me like the loser I felt like.

I went in and sat down and the bartender, an older gentleman who is very professional, was very nice to me as I needed him to be. I felt very awkward and was feeling better once the pinot I was drinking started to take effect. The bar was busy; there was a woman about my age next to me and I could see her giving me the stinkeye. Why is it women are so mean to each other???! Can't a perfectly nice woman go to a bar and eat alone for Christ's sake??!!

There were a few men to my left, one who was very drunk and very chatty with me. He was actually quite interesting: a physics guy who, he said, has "really, really, really, really, really, really, really" (add about 10 more "really's") " a lot of money." I nodded and chuckled, "That's awesome!!!! Good for you!!" It's fun talking to drunk people.

And I was becoming one of them, and what little filter I usually have was going away. I decided to kill the woman next to me with kindness and struck up a convo with her. By the time she left she was not only pleasant to me but I would say she would say I inspired her to be the best person she could be. I have that effect on people. I read them so well and reflect back what they want to hear about themselves.

What she didn't know was, while I was making myself out to be this lonely wife who's husband was out of town on business and who's kids were busy with their friends, my husband was on a date with another woman, and was going to fuck her. Yeah. Couldn't really talk about that.

I stopped at 2 glasses of wine, had a nice dinner, and went home. Unfortunately, it was only 9 pm my time, which was only 7 pm California time, and she hadn't even shown up yet. She was an hour late for her date with my husband.

I still had the whole evening left. And theirs hadn't even begun. How was I going to get through it????!!

I decided to listen to the universe. I went home and put on my jammies. By then my daughter was home, and I made us a big bowl of popcorn and we watched tv together. We laughed and talked and it was awesome.

Bedtime was harder.

My husband was good about texting me during their date. He was great about texting me as things were happening to make sure I was doing okay, and he was willing to stop at any point if I wasn't. It went from, "she's still not here" to "she's here and she says hi!" to "we are going back to her place, are you ok with that?" to "we stopped making out so I could text you and see if you're still okay".

I WAS okay. I wanted him to have his fun. I certainly had mine. And I was happy for him.

Until.....he stopped responding to my texts around 2 am.

The last I had heard from him was "we are done. Can I sleep a little? I don't want to drive back to my hotel yet." I answered, "yes".

See, what I haven't told you is I wasn't going to give him any rules, but to me, sleeping together seemed to intimate. I never spent the whole night with Blondie, even though I wanted to, out of respect for my husband. It was like, I had my fun, now go home. And my husband said he wasn't going to spend the night with her. His whole plan to go to her place instead of his was precisely for this reason. He even verbalized it--he'd told me earlier in the evening, "I don't want her to come to my hotel! What if she falls asleep?? How will I get rid of her??!!" and thusly that's why he decided to go to HER place instead. So he would have HIS car and be able to leave after.

I need to interject that this was the VERY FIRST TIME  since his infidelity he was going to be having sex with another woman with my knowledge. He needed to 'do it right by me". (oh, and the sex with the call girl a few weeks ago??? NO. I did not know about that till after the fact). This was murky waters he was treading in.

And 10 texts later, of which each of them was increasingly angrier than the one preceding it, he finally wrote back. Nearly 6 hours later. He had simply fallen asleep.

I was irate. It was the worst nights' sleep I'd had since finding out about his cheating. I was a total wreck. How dare he spend the night with her??!! How dare he ignore my texts for 6 hours??! I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. He was due to fly home and I didn't even want to see his face.

He wrote, 'just woke up. I'll call you in 5'.

It was just shy of 6 am California time. The last I'd heard from him was midnight his time.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. He called and profusely apologized. He said they didn't fuck again, nothing happened, he just slept. I was so angry. I said, "I've been sleeping with you for 26 years. You DON'T sleep 6 hours straight. Something always wakes you at least once and you look at your phone and go to the bathroom or something."

It got ugly. We fought via text all day, and when he got home it wasn't much better. Basically, he wanted me to give him the benefit of the doubt ("maybe he's just asleep? I'll find out tomorrow") which I was unable to do.

And I realized that if I had been with Blondie, I would've reacted totally differently. So for me, the experience was, I felt rejected and abandoned by both men. I couldn't yell at Blondie, but I could yell at my husband.

He admitted he was wrong. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He should've gotten up and left like he said he was going to do. He truly thought he would "nap", and not a 6 hour nap.

And it's gotten me thinking in these last few weeks since he was with her, that I have been okay with it. REALLY ok with him seeing her. And i know they're texting. After all, that's what I do, right??!! Selfishly, it's been nice knowing he was still being faithful to me and not fucking any other girl. But this girl might be the reason I'm okay with it. I met her. She's sweet. She's super rich, single, 50, and not trying to steal him.

In other words, my husband can be happily married to me and still fuck someone else. And have a good time with her.

And I can do the same.

It works for us.

We just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary with an expensive dinner, and he gave me diamonds.

Because he feels free and loved in this marriage. We don't own each other.

:))

It takes two to tango

I met my husband in a swank bar we've been to before that's inside of the poshest hotel where I live. We drove separately for a couple of reasons: he was coming from work (it was closer than driving all the way home and back) and I needed my own car because I was meeting Abercrombie at 9:00 o'clock at the same hotel where we first met, which was about halfway on the way home. Just easier.

My hubby got there first and was sitting at the bar having a glass of wine. To his left was a very beautiful tall redhead. There was an older gentleman to her left and she appeared to be with him. I greeted my hubby and he got me a glass of wine and he offered me his barstool but that was too awkward so we both stood. Soon the older gentleman left (guess he wasn't with the pretty redhead) and she offered to move down a chair so I could sit down. Well, that's all it took to start a conversation that ended with her and my hubby naked in her room!!

But I'm getting ahead of myself!

After a few thank you's we sat down and she pretty much was into her phone and my hubby and I were chatting, catching up with our day. We ordered an appetizer and soon we were chatting with the redhead. I'll call her "Kallie". She was telling us she's a nurse for a spinal surgery center in Florida, and was here on business. That led to talking about medicine in general (our son is pre-med) and she was just so lively and intelligent and fun to talk to. The three of us had a great time chatting.

As our collective second glass of red wine became our third, the conversation got more personal. We began really sharing ourselves, all three of us, and she is just a dear, sweet, intelligent and incredibly beautiful just-turned-30-year old! We laughed and laughed.

She told us her side career is a high-paid escort!! She charges upwards of $1200 an hour!! We were like wow!! So she told us stories about the kinds of guys she'd been with. It was fascinating. I told her about my blog. It was fun.

Then we were talking about the cool bar on the 30th floor and the great view, and my hubby said, "let's go have a glass of wine!" and he sold her on the view and the chocolate covered strawberries.

Next thing I know we are having a 4th glass of wine (mind you, I barely picked at the appetizer) and was getting pretty drunk. We had a nice chat, and I was texting Abercrombie the whole time bc I was totally late! It was way past 9, in fact, it was way past 10 and I still wasn't ready to leave to go meet him. I was having a blast!!! I finally said, "I have to go! I have a date and I've kept him waiting almost 2 hours!!!" Turning to look first at my hubby, then me then back at him Kallie said, "you have a DATE??!!" To which my hubby replied, "yep, she does." and she said, "I KNEW your guys were like that!" He then started to tell her about Blondie--"she has a boyfriend" and then I corrected him and said "HAD a boyfriend, I haven't heard from him in two weeks." So I told her the guy I was going to see is someone I've known for about a year. We are just FWB. I have no feelings for him other than a casual fondness. I never care if I see him or not and never miss him. The sex isn't that good; the only thing is he's only 20 and has the most amazing body I've ever seen. He's very good looking too--pretty blue eyes and brown hair but nowhere near as good looking as Blondie. It's just pure, raw sex and it's usually over in less than a half hour. He's good for my ego and that's really about it.

I jumped up from my navy, velvet chair and said, "I gotta go!" I know they said goodbye but I honestly can't remember if I even kissed my hubby goodbye. I really had no thought about what Kallie and my hubby might or might not do. We had made plans to take her out tomorrow night to the casino, so it was a kind of "see ya later".

I shouldn't have driven, but I did.

I made it to the hotel before Abercrombie, but not by much! I had just gotten to the room when I heard him knock. I opened the door and he had a big smile for me. I said, "wow that was fast!" and he said, "I've been ready!" He came in and we chatted a little as it's been since October since I'd last seen him. He's a baseball player for his college so we chatted about that and how he's turning 21 soon. I just talked about the gym and my band.

I put on some music and we got right to it. I love kissing but found that I didn't like kissing him anymore! All I could think about was Blondie and how much I miss kissing him. He's the best kisser I've ever had and it just brought a flood of feelings I didn't want to feel. I mean, that was the whole reason for getting together with Abercrombie in the first place!!! To soothe my wounded ego and broken heart!!! Fuck!!!

Abercrombie stares at me almost like he's looking through me. I used to like it but this time it bothered me. I know why. Wrong guy.

BUT He is super hot. I can't deny that. Not an ounce of fat on that boy. His abs are why I call him "Abercrombie" bc he could be an Abercrombie model. He is THAT good looking.

I pulled off his sweatpants (why is he always wearing sweatpants??!!) and he pulled his red college T-shirt off over his head and tossed it. I was wearing a dress and did the same. I don't do much to him other than sucking his dick and fucking him. It's really not passionate at all. Nothing like Blondie. Abercrombie fucks. Blondie makes love. There's no comparison.

"Abs" loves the way I give head and he always wants me to start there. Which I do. Then he got on his knees, pulled my legs apart, and buried his head. It was hot but he didn't stay there long enough for me to get really aroused. And remember, I was pretty drunkie.

It wasn't long before he was reaching for the condoms. I love watching him put them on. Kneeling, kind of sideways, his dick was super hard like his muscles, and it's a beautiful thing to see. I love when a guy touches his own dick too, and seeing him holding it with one hand and very skillfully sliding the condom on with the other made me super turned on.

He grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me fiercely towards him. His hands still on my ankles (my stillettos still on by the way) he pushed them into the air and held them by his head and penetrated me with that hard cock. It felt pretty damn good. He wanted me to suck his dick some more so he pulled the condom off. I gave it a good sucking, and soon he was digging in the box for another condom.

He wanted me doggy style. That's his orgasm MO. Same every time. I obliged and got on my hands and knees, and after less than a couple minutes, he came. He took off the condom and put it in the toilet and we laughed because it wouldn't flush! We joked about what the maid would think when she finds it and what an awful job that would be to be a hotel maid! We joked about all sorts of disgusting scenarios and he kept flushing it and finally it went down. We laughed and came out of the bathroom and started putting our clothes back on.

We chatted a little more and he asked if I was going to stay there overnight. We had talked about spending the night together and he couldn't and I was relieved. I didn't want to, but I would've liked better sex. I didn't come and I wanted to! I said no, I was going home, so he said we should leave together. I said okay, so we did, I gathered up my few things and we walked out to the elevator together.

We kissed a quick goodbye outside the lobby, and that was it. I got in my car and finally looked at my phone, and my hubby had sent about 8 texts. Apparently, he had gone to Kallie's room and they were about to have sex! He was a bit drunkie too and his last text was, "I'm afraid I'm going to end up paying for this." I thought he meant that I was going to be angry at him but he was worried since she was an escort that she was going to charge him $1200!! I quickly wrote back, "on my way home. hope you're having fun!" I really wasn't jealous at all. I was too drunk and sad to feel anything else.

I got home before my hubby and fell right into bed. He texted me soon he was on his way and that he didn't fuck her. Apparently they did everything else though! I was happy for him. He said he felt too uncomfortable to fuck her and was worried how I would feel. He came home and fucked me hard and then we crashed.

I really don't know how I feel about anything. I don't know why Blondie hasn't contacted me in two weeks, and I am sick about it. I miss him, and the unknown is making me insane. Fortunately, there are plenty of hot young guys willing to take his place.

Hubby and I are taking Kallie out to dinner tonight and to the casino. Although I'm not into having sex with women, she is a doll and I wouldn't mind having a threesome with her tonight. I'll mostly watch, which is fine with me, and she can play with me if she wants.

You can be sure I'll tell you all about it tomorrow!

Anna's hubby gets some action!

Hello sexy readers!!

I thought I'd take today to fill you in on a couple things you may be wondering about, like, namely, my husband's love life!! Without digressing into the whole journey we took getting here, basically, you could say right now it's more equal than it's been in the last 4 years since I accidentally uncovered years of lies and infidelity. 

Basically, it's been mostly one-sided since we reunited in April of 2012. Of course I have had major trust issues with him, so he has refrained from having other women in his life until recently. It's not that he hasn't been interested in anyone; it's that I haven't allowed him to act on it. The first woman he chose was a co-worker (yes, AGAIN) and I forbid it. He willingly complied. Always worried he will cheat again--hence the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I made sure his leash was on tight at all times. Fearful of losing me, he obliged and didn't complain.

We've made increasing progress over the last two years, mostly because I had some epiphanies that began the night I watched my mother take her last breaths. And of course, weekly therapy for three years and anti-depressants during that time. And most of all, my steadfastness and earnestness to heal from the trauma.

I also made a New Year's resolution this last New Year's Day that I would not live another day in fear. With my permission, my husband went back on Tinder and OKCupid, and met someone. I'll call her "Kate".

I told him I needed him to take it slowly, and he was wonderful and said that was fine. He said all the right things; that "no one was worth" losing me over. still suffer from PTSD from all the trauma; just hearing his phone "ding" and seeing him holding it and texting his mother even was causing major distress to me. 

But I worked through it. And all this started way before I met Blondie. I wasn't seeing anyone, and here it was his turn for some attention. I did feel a lot of guilt that it was one-sided, but it was mixed with quite a bit of indignation in the form of "you should feel so fucking lucky you have ME!! How dare you want anyone else???!!!" 

But the REAL breakthroughs came when I went to California by myself in January this year. I spent a lot of time on the beach; the very beaches I grew up on that welcome me back every time with open arms. I had some epiphanies during my time on the sand: I ran every day, I played in the water, I meditated, I cried, I sat and watched the surfers, I gazed at the cute little sandpipers running back and forth with the waves, poking their long, skinny beaks into the sand for food. I took a zillion pictures. I never wanted to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the sun and sleep. I realized how eternal the ocean is--that it was here long before me. That is was there for me when I was growing up, and every time I return, it welcomes me with open arms and all it's grandeur and love. And long after I'm gone, it will still be there, giving its love to everyone who comes and seeks joy on her shores. 

I burst into tears when I realized that this is the love my husband gives me. It's eternal, it is unconditional, and what is MY love???!! The opposite!! It was quite a moment. I decided right then and there on my beach that I would try to love him the way he loves me. Starting right now.

Add to that, I met HH two days later, and I had such a fun time with him. And I continued to think, "I could fall in love with HH and would it diminish what I feel for my H (husband)?" And the answer is no. And he loves me enough to allow me to be whoever I need to be to be true to myself! Don't I want that for HIM??!! I would never get to that place if he had a leash on me the way I've had a leash on him. 

What I left out is, when I left for California, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The worst I'd had in a long time. All I thought about night and day was him and Kate.  I'd "allowed" him to go on 5 dates with her!!! Nothing had yet happened aside from one kiss which made me go ballistic. I wanted desperately to be "ok" with them fucking but was holding the leash on them. I had been going to hypnosis also to try to re-program my brain from the trauma of being cheated on. It was helping but I still couldn't get there. 

I even made the effort to meet Kate and indeed we met her for drinks. I needed to try harder. Because my husband deserved it. He was trying so hard to do the right thing. She was SO nice, SO respectful, and we ended up being friends. Not BFF's mind you. But I believed her when she said she loves her husband and isn't looking to replace him with my H. I felt so good about her I invited her to come to our band's gig the following week.

And she came, and when I saw her, I was actually happy for my H. It was HUGE. Huge progress for me to see them standing together, body language showing interest in one another and thinking about my husband being naked with another woman. I had a few bad moments but I realized I could get past them.

So I was getting there, but increasing was my anxiety over "letting them" actually fuck. They weren't pressuring me for permission thankfully--the pressure came from within me. I was convinced that if they did, I would go into a full-on PTSD rage and I'd want to divorce him, and he was so scared that would happen, he said he had all but lost interest in her or anyone. 

So by the time I left for California, I was so worked up with anxiety about it all. I wanted so desperately to be a different person than I was. And I was trying so fucking hard to get there! What was my fucking problem??? The trauma. The cheating. It does REAL damage folks. Until you've been there, you have NO IDEA. And I had come a long way with all my therapy and meds, but still, the PTSD is REAL. And it can be REAL BAD.

When I returned from my trip, I felt like I had truly healed. My ocean, my beach healed me.

I told my H all about my epiphanies and of course he was happy for me but distrustful that it would last. And I can't honestly say he isn't right, but I am trying very hard.

The very next week he had to travel there himself for work and I suggested he look up "Ling-Ling" (not her real name) and see if she was interested in hooking up. She did want to see him! He met her at her work in downtown LA and they went out to dinner. It was about a four-hour date; it didn't end in sex, only a hug but they had a great time. I was actually totally fine the whole time bc my H was texting me the whole time, checking in with me frequently. He was so scared of doing the wrong thing.And he contacted her again last week when he was in LA again and she stood him up, but continued to send him sexy pics of herself and say "next time".

Enter Blondie.

Meeting him has made me appreciate my H even more. He is so supportive of our relationship because, and I quote, "he makes you happy."

I want to love him that much. And it has made me question so many things about myself, marriage, and all that stuff. But that's for another blog.

And when we were in LA last week together, we were at the hotel bar (Sunset Marquis mind you, not just your "average" hotel bar) and we were getting hammered. I was making out with some hot model and I realized later my H was making out with some older woman at the same time! We laughed about it later. We were both okay.

I had to fly home the following day and he stayed for work, and I told him to see if Ling-Ling was interested in seeing him. They texted back and forth, but ultimately, she was apparently too busy once again, but she IS still interested in taking things further and they have a tentative hook-up date for early April when he travels there again.

I know Kate has shown renewed interest in him as well, and my thing was always, "don't fuck JUST her", which is why I kept encouraging him to see Ling-Ling in California too. I was so worried about him falling in love with Kate and I thought if he had more than one woman that would be less likely to happen.

How silly I've been.

Being with Blondie has opened my eyes to a different perspective on things in so many ways. And of course, a lot of it is in the abstract bc it hasn't happened yet. My husband has NOT fucked another woman since September 2011. And I know he's super conflicted about it.

The night we were at the Sunset Marquis and we'd both been making out with other people, we got separated from each other and found each other by one of the outdoor pools. I can't remember a time when we were that drunk. I was mostly giggly (I get like that) but he was almost desperate. He was so upset at what he had done and was beside himself. When we talked the next day, I realized it was bc he hadn't had a chance to ASK me if he could make out with this woman. He felt like he'd cheated on me again and he was just sick about it. He stopped himself from going to her hotel room by getting up and leaving the bar when she said she had to go use the restroom. He came to find me and was scared when he couldn't find me initially.

I said to stop worrying, it was fine. Even though he was drunk, he stopped himself from fucking her. I was proud of him. And if he hadn't?? I guess I would've freaked out! He's right!! But maybe not, bc Blondie and I had just had two amazing dates before our trip and we were texting the whole time I was there. I've been in La-La Land ever since and it's like nothing bothers me now! I'm floating up above and sharing the loving feeling as if I were a hippy on acid. Love, love, love, like the Beatles song.

I realized later too, that my H has really no rules or leash on me. I have to be the same for him. I WANT to be the same way.

If I want to fuck someone, I just tell him. BEFORE I do anything. And that's really our only rule. Let each other know BEFORE anything happens. But then like that Saturday night at the Marquis, sometimes, you get into a compromising situation and the request for permission doesn't happen. I have to be forgiving and flexible.  I have to know my husband's heart. It's called TRUST.

And I can truly say, four years after D-day, that he has earned that trust back.

Jordan's midnight visit

Well hello dear sexy readers! Sorry you haven't heard from me in a couple weeks. I had a bad cold and lost my voice so no podcasting recording. I missed  day of work too, and had to put my beautiful cat down (he was 13, lived a good life) so had a pretty shitty week. The weather has been mostly shitty too, which was good hahaha so I didn't feel I was missing out on anything!

I haven't had any juicy stories to tell--I know you didn't get to hear about Jordan's last visit so I will share that with you today. It's weird, it's like, now that he's been here 3 times, I'm feeling a little protective and weird sharing too much. It's like he's gone beyond just being a FWB and is more of a friend now, but it's ok if I write about him cuz he doesn't know I'm writing about him LOL and knowing him he's be pleased if he knew. (his ego is even bigger than mine).

My hubby was out of town and gave me permission to have my sexy lover come see me. He lives over an hour away, and said he loves the drive to my house. He said his dick gets hard the minute he gets in the shower knowing he's coming over, and it's hard the whole drive here (hehehee love it!!!)

Because it was cold out, I had him come through the garage. It was pitch black and I couldn't really see him LOL so I opened the blinds by the side door. OH!! I forgot to mention, it was around midnight. He had to work so he came after.

We were giggling as I pulled the drawstring on the blinds open to let in light from the outdoor bulb. I could see his happy face and big grin! We grabbed each other and pulled each other thisclose and started making out. Damn that guy is fucking sexy. He's got over 2000 followers on his Instagram, mostly female groupies that would give anything to be the girl standing in this garage making out with him, but he chooses ME!!!!! I still can't believe it. Every time he shows up I'm flabbergasted.

I finally led him by the hand into the house, and he took off his shoes by the doorway. Holding his hand, we chatted as we went upstairs to my bedroom. Once there, we just stripped down to nothing and went at it. We were like hungry wolves for each other.

I always take down his "man bun". His hair is down to his waist, and it's so soft and sexy. He is so fucking sexy. I honestly can't get enough of him. He's so small, and so am I, and we fit so well together. One thing I like about him is he loves to go down on me!!!! Fuck so many of these young guys either don't like it or don't know what to do down there or don't stay down there long enough. I tell you, my hubby should give most of these guys lessons!!! (oooo wouldn't THAT be fun???!!!) Jordan is the exception. I would love to get a pic of his face buried in my pussy. I take a handful of his hair and tease my nipples with it while he licks me. I can't help but giggle while I'm doing it, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. 

I love the way Jordan purred to me, "I don't "have sex" hon. I "make love". Mmmmmmm yummy. I love his small waist and his big dick. I love slurping it and licking his balls (completely manscaped, thank you Jordan!!!) and he is able to not-come so quickly it's over before it starts. He really is a great lover. I love going down on him; he's sooo appreciative. He grabs a hold of my hair as well and pulls on it just-so-tightly.

When I finally climbed on top of him, I could tell he wanted to get rough. He had one hand on my throat and it was so exciting. He held back though, but next time I'd love it to get rougher. I want to be black and blue! He just loves fucking me. We flipped each other over so many times and so many different positions, but what I love the most is realizing he never doggy-styles me. And I never really thought about it much till days after; I saw something online about how doggy-style is really so impersonal. No face-to-face with it. And interesting we've never done it that way! Which means....he likes being able to see my face!!! (yay!!!!) I love being on top, and he's so small I can put my whole arm around his waist and pull him close while I fuck him. God I'm getting so turned on writing this!!!! 

Finally he was on top, and I will never get that image out of my head (and hope to God I never do!!!) He had one hand on my hip, pulling me as close to him as he could, and the other on my throat. His beautiful, waterfall-blonde hair draped to one side and tickling my right breast, his head back in ecstasy. HOLY FUCK THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SEX GOD IN MY BED!!! I OWE YOU BIG TIME!!!! And we never use a condom. And we are both clean. Yay!!!

And here's the best part dear readers (if you're still reading this far, bless you!) HE SPENT THE NIGHT. No other guy has ever spent the night with me. And we've had an open marriage for 13 years or so. It's always a quickie, an hour or more here and there, but never overnight.

I SO wanted to have sex again with him in the morning, and a couple times I gently stroked his arm, his back, to see if he'd respond. He seemed totally sound asleep. It was soooo weird seeing another man in my husband's spot. I stared at him, just stared. I really couldn't believe he was still there. It felt good and strange all at the same time. It's really true how being with someone else is so enjoyable, but then I just miss my hubby so damned much. I felt ready to swap him out. LOL

So we didn't have sex, he didn't seem interested, but I had to rush him out. My daughter was home and I had to get her up and out for school. I couldn't let her accidentally see him, so by the time I got him awakened, there was no time. If I could've hidden his car (or thought ahead to move it down the street!) he could've stayed. I did have to work at 9 so there wouldn't have been much time, but I would've been late just to get one more fuck from him.

As he got dressed, again, I'm just staring at his smoking hot body. As he pulled his black skinny jeans on, I asked him, "what size are you?" he said, "Zero." YEAH. ZERO FOLKS. My skinny rocker boy. I drooled watching him dress and put that glorious hair back in a rubberband. 

I put on the sexy bra and panties I'd worn for him the night before back on, and had brushed my teeth before I woke him. We walked downstairs together; it was 6:15 am. He was sleepy and sexy. At the door we hugged and kissed and said our goodbyes. It's always bittersweet when a lover leaves; I think, "that was so awesome. And I'll never see him again." And when I do it's even sweeter.

And I dreamed that night that he got me pregnant. Oh maybe it's wishful thinking, cuz I know he's got a kid and wants another. And his baby mommy is such a bitch and I'd be the opposite. I told him about my dream via text and he didn't respond. :( sad face

LOL I probably scared him.

The amazing thing about seeing him again was, the last time we were together was October! He'd been seeing someone seriously, and that's why we hadn't seen each other. She'd dumped him, and he told me all about it. He was really devastated. He wants a relationship SO badly. I told him all about "F" and we commiserated with each other. I feel like we're becoming really good friends. And I love that I have no jealousies, in fact I EXPECT never to see him again every time after we are together. It's truly wonderful.

Yum.

Sex with two guys

The guest bedroom door had been pushed slightly ajar and I knew at that moment my hubby was watching me fucking Adam. The glow of the candlelight revealed our naked and very sweaty bodies pounding each other, out bodies slapping with each of his thrusts. It had been a long six months since we'd been together and he had actually not been with anyone since our last time together! I wasn't nearly as horny since my hubby and I have been fucking like rabbits, but I had missed him and had thought of him when he texted me from time to time.

He's only 26. Nearly half my age.

And he's super hot. Beautiful long chin-length blonde hair, straight as angel hair pasta and great to grab onto while I'm riding him. Pretty blue eyes, tall and slim, and awesome balls. (did I say that out loud???) He's kinda smallish on the other topic but it's still fun. I can take the whole thing in my mouth and not gag.

The evening started with my hubby and I sitting in a bar listening to a cover band that kinda sucked and which of course made us miss our own band and compare us. We had had a weekend with no kids! They were both out of town with their friends so we had an empty house! We started to get a little sauced which led us to want to get a little saucy hee hee so I texted Adam, thinking full well he works Saturday nights so it would just be fun texting him. He had a new work schedule and was off, and home, and bored, and my text came at a great time! He agreed to come meet us and hang out, which meant end up back at our house fucking me. Were we ready for that?????

What the hell. Why not?

Next thing I knew there he was, just as good looking as the last time I saw him, and he greeted my hubby with a very nice handshake and smiles on both guys, and a hug and kiss for me. He sat between us; it was a two-top table and we were sitting in bar stools. Very cozy. He doesn't drink alcohol because of his job; he gets random testing so he just had a Coke. My hubby ordered his fifth beer and I was on my third Grey Goose and Red Bull. It was the perfect drink combination for a night of sex.

We chatted over the band for about a half hour I think, then it was time to leave and get the party started. I asked him if he remembered how to get to our house and he smiled and said, "of course!", gave me a kiss on the mouth and we parted towards the parking lot.

I drove since my hubby had had more to drink than me. I was fine ironically; I think the adrenaline (and possibly the Red Bull) made me feel quite alert. It was about a 20 minute drive home and it was exciting knowing my "boyfriend" was following us there.

My hubby and I got home first and we kissed passionately by the front door, waiting for Adam. He whispered to me, "have fun with your boyfriend--don't forget about me." I said, "thank you babe, and I won't, don't worry!!" and he went up to our room and got in bed to wait for me. Adam was here right away and it was fun letting him in again. He took off his shoes and left them by the door, and we went straight upstairs to the guest room.

My hubby had lit some candles for both rooms, and I had brought two into the guest room. For me, nothing sets the mood like flickering candles.  I don't even remember taking off our clothes, I just remember him being in his boxers (so fucking cute!!!!) and me in my bra and panties. My hubby had given me the cutest bras when we reconciled and I was wearing one of them for my boyfriend. How sexy is THAT???

He is a fun lover. He's very silly and doesn't take sex seriously. When our bodies were slapping against each other, we were totally into it and moaning and grinding, and then he'd giggle cuz the sound was funny. I like it; I'm totally 100% comfortable with him. The only thing I don't like is he won't go down on me! I am determined to make him like it! I don't know what his problem is and I plan on addressing it eventually. Right now, I'm happy to just enjoy sex with a hot 26 year old guy who's totally into me!!!

I was conscious of my hubby watching from the doorway and it was so hot. I knew Adam didn't know he was being watched and I didn't let on. I did glance my hubby's way several times to make eye contact with him even though it was pitch black in the hall and I couldn't see him--I knew he was there watching us. I'd have preferred to have had us all in the bed together but Adam wasn't into that unfortunately.

So...I had some fun with Adam for about 1/2 hour, 45 min or so then told him, "I'll be back...I'm going to go see my hubby." He was adorable and perfect, laying there so sexy, and he said, "the most important thing is you take care of him and don't have any problems between you." HE IS GOING TO REPLACE MICKEY IF HE HASN'T ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That made me SO happy!!! He truly cares about both of us. That's just what we've always wanted. I wanted it to be Mickey, and it was for a time. That chapter is over and done with.

I left him there, sweaty and naked, laying on his back, and went to my bedroom and got in bed with my hubby. His dick was hard and ready for me, and he was full of passion. He took me in his arms and held me tight and entered me immediately. He loved the feeling of my already wet vagina and I loved having a bigger dick inside me. I loved the connection we have between us...so much love. We made love for just a short while and he told me to go finish off my boyfriend and come back. I did what I was told.

I walked back into the candlelit guest room and my sexy boytoy was still laying on his back, waiting for me to come back to him. He turned and looked at me and smiled, and I went to him. He got hard so fast and within minutes we were back at it fucking like escaped jailbirds. I love all the different positions we get into, just like with my hubby, we are acrobats in the bedroom! My favorite thing he does is fuck me while holding me in the air, my legs wrapped around his torso and he holds my ass. It always makes him giggle and then me too as we realize how ridiculous we look. He finally came fucking me in the missionary position; he commented he was surprised he lasted so long after not having had sex for so long! I teased him, "I just can't believe a guy as hot as you hasn't had any in six months." He said he just doesn't like the young girls he meets; says they're all so immature and terrible in bed! He said I was worth waiting for. Just what I loved to hear.

I didn't bask in the afterglow too long cuz I was eager to return to my hubby. We cleaned up and kissed and I said he was welcome to spend the night, but he said that was ok, he should get going. I was fine with that. I thought it best too; I wanted to focus on my hubby and our relationship and I'd had my fun. I always said the reason the open marriage worked for me was I never spent the night with anyone; I'd fuck them and leave them. I told him, "thank you, that was awesome, hope to see you again soon," and he responded, "oh you will sexy, you will," and I left him there and walked back down the hallway to my hubby.

He greeted me again under the covers with his big hard dick and passionate kisses. I was happy to be back in his arms. He got on top of me and fucked me hard, then pulled out and went down on me since my boytoy hadn't wanted to do. I came right away; it felt so fucking good. He licked me up and down and tasted him and it was so fucking hot. He grabbed me hard and entered me again and fucked me so hard I screamed, he screamed and came so loud and forceful our dog started barking his head off! We laughed then and it was so awesome. Sweaty and exhausted, he flopped onto his back and we just panted like dogs ourselves.

What a fun night!

He likes it rough....

Oh. My. God.  You should see my hubby's neck! He insists I bite down hard while we're making love. He writhes with pleasure. It's so fucking exciting and disturbing all at the same time. I will do whatever he wants me to do to please him, but it does worry me a little when it's all said and done.

I have known this man for 22 years. That's a lot of fucking and lovemaking. He has never wanted it this rough before. Does he feel the need to be punished for cheating on me?? At first, I really enjoyed hurting him. I slapped him in the face while I was on top of him. It was so erotic. I actually slapped him so hard I gave him a black eye! I had no idea I hit him that hard. He loved it. We have never been like this. I keep thinking this will pass, but there's no sign of him letting up. Guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts.