Hot sex with New Guy!

I had fun with New Guy yesterday. Yes! New Guy! Who I keep saying I need to give him a name, but then I lose interest in him and we have this lull where we don't contact each other anymore, and then he pops back. So, he will just continue to be New Guy. I can't seem to come up with a better nickname for him. Maybe something will occur to me while I write this.

So Blondie has been super attentive, but let's face it--he's five hours away and we all know he WILL dump me again bc he's done it twice already. I swear I have PTSD every time he messages me bc I'm literally always on alert for that "I can't talk to you anymore, I'm "pursuing" this new chick" text that WILL COME EVENTUALLY. I am really only a place mark, a true "in-between" girl until somebody better comes along. And by better, I mean half my age and single and available who can see him every day and play video games and go out on dates. I can't do those things bc I'm married, and that's fine. I like the arrangement we have--the same arrangement I have with all my guys. But I have to be careful not to get attached.

So it makes perfect sense to keep seeing other guys and not put all my hooks into Blondie, right? And New Guy started messaging me a few days ago, actually asking me questions about the band and how was life treating me, etc. Instead of his usual, "sup", and "wanna hang out?" It was nice. So I went over there. And it was awesome--our best yet.

See, I have this theory about the way men have sex. Some fuck, and some make love. Guys who just "fuck" don't care if you cum; it's all about them. It's a sexual act that mainly focuses on THEIR pleasure. Blondie makes love. New Guy fucks. And when I tell you the way he fucked me yesterday, you'll see how he transformed himself into a guy who "makes love". If you read my blog consistently, you'll see the difference in the guys I've been with. Here's my unofficial list off the top of my head:

Men who "fuck":

1. Abercrombie
2. New Guy
3. Asian Stripper Boy
4. Freckles
5. Most random hook-ups

Men who "make love"

1. My husband
2. Blondie
3.Jordan
4. HH
5. Hot Lips

And yesterday New Guy went from column one to column two.

I entered his apartment, and like always, it's dark and I can't see anything. The smell of pot is apparent though not overwhelming. New Guy is always in bed waiting for me, his TV on, and he's usually dressed. This time he was already naked, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I feasted on his already hard cock as he greeted me, sprawled out on his bed. I smiled and he got up and kissed me hello, a juicy deep kiss and then proceeded to peel off my clothes one item at a time. Being that it was 14 degrees out,  I had a lot of layers on and we laughed how long it was taking to get me naked! Finally everything was off but my socks, which were over my leggings and stuck, so I sat on the edge of his bed to get them off and he came up behind me and straddled me. He pressed his body up against mine, and I could feel his hard cock up against my lower back, but what he did next was unexpected and wonderful.

He's a big guy, six-four like my hubby, but not as skinny, he's not fat but just big, and like my hubby, has big hands. And New Guy took those big warm hands of his and caressed my arms up and down, slowly and lovingly, warming me up, kissing my neck from behind as he did so. I was like WHOA THIS IS SO NICE!!!!! I melted into him, just enjoying the feeling of his caress and his warm body up against mine. I closed my eyes and just let him adore me.

I asked him, "So, do we need a condom?" He answered that it was "up to me". I said, "well it depends! I'm clean but who've YOU been fucking?" I was referring to his ex-girlfriend who he fucked a few months ago who gave him chlamydia!!! He laughed and said, "nobody really". I said,"nobody REALLY or NOBODY??" he said, "nobody" I said, "GOOD. You should just fuck ME." He agreed and we both laughed.

Then he pulled me astride him from our sitting position, and laid back down with me on top of him. He didn't seem as interested in sex as he was cuddling and being touched. It was really nice and unexpected! Those big hands were just everywhere on my small frame; he wasn't grabby at all. Suddenly everything he did was done slowly and affectionately. Up and down my arms, up and over my stomach (which I hate my stomach being touched), and my breasts. Instead of grabbing them he cupped them and brought them to his face--nose first he buried his face into my cleavage, coming up for air to suck my nipples, then moved me down and put his stiff cock between them and fucked them. I love the way he takes charge; he moves me where he wants me. I never have to ask or wonder, "what should we do now?" Then he gently pushed my head down to his cock for me to suck it. I gave it all the attention I wanted to, and he played with my hair and moaned while I pleasured him.

We didn't have much time together; we had less than an hour. We were squeezing in an hour to see each other, which I thought was super hot. And since he's usually a guy that "fucks", we're usually done in an hour anyways so to me it was perfect. Fuck each other and I get to go home. No emotion, just sex.

It was interesting how he kept talking to me off and on--like every time we switched positions he asked me something. I can't remember what about now--but I know we mostly talk about music and our bands. He's never been this interested in me before! Then I rose up from giving him awesome BJ and positioned myself so his dick slid right into me, his hands on my ass, I fucked him hard, until he lifted me off to keep himself from coming. We did this a couple times, then he rolled me off of him and played with my clit, trying to make me cum. He hasn't yet; he tries but it hasn't happened. I will need much more time to show him how to make me cum sometime. (Next time!) He would talk to me during it all!

Suddenly my legs are in the air and he's on top of me, fingering me again, and then he opens my vagina up, kisses me deeply and slowly inserts his cock in me. I love the way he does that; he doesn't just shove it in, he always uses his fingers to get me ready and open me up. He fucked me hard and then stopped himself again so he wouldn't come too fast. Flipping me over again, he whispered, "you on top". And being on top I got to set the pace so we fucked hard at first, and then I whispered back, "slowly", and fucked him slowly, which is MY favorite, and he came. Afterwards, we just laid there for a bit, he laughed and said how awesome that was and that he wished he didn't have to go to work and I could stay longer. I said "me too", although it was actually a lie; I like to go home when we're done and be alone.

I rolled off of him and laid in the crook of his underarm and we chatted for a bit. He wanted to talk about Trump's speech (he's a huge Trump fan and he knows I'm not) so we did. And it was lively and fun as always, and then he had to get up and get ready for work.

He jumped in the shower and left the door open and was chatting the whole time. I have never seen him so engaging with me. He was gregarious and happy and silly, not at all the depressed guy he often. He was more like Blondie--very outgoing and chatty and just so happy, it was a super nice change. I felt energized being around him instead of the usual "ugh you're half my age! You have your whole life ahead of you!" I don't know what's changed with him but it was wonderful.

He got out of the shower and as he was drying off, I was getting dressed, and I was just outside the bathroom door watching him. It seemed so intimate compared to what we usually do together (just fuck and go home). I got to see his whole "get ready" routine, which included cologne and tooth-brushing and it was just so fun to watch him. He had no self-consciousness whatsoever around me.
I watched him dry off (super hot!) and get dressed, and the best part was the ball cap he put on backwards. I just stared at him while he chatted away, thinking, mmmmm I think I'm smitten!! He looked younger and healthier than I'd ever seen him. He was certainly happier. He said I was a "saint" for "putting up with him." I said simply, "I think you're adorable." He laughed as if that couldn't possibly be true and said, "YOU'RE the adorable one."

Then he asked me if I'd mind if he smoked before he went to work (what am I, his mother???) and I said "of course not". He doesn't drink, hasn't in years, but has told me before that he's "always high". He sat down on the living room couch, and apologized for the mess. I said jokingly how it's apparent two bachelors live here. He said his roommate's a slob and he gets tired of doing all the picking up. Then he picked up something that looked like an hypodermic needle but it was quite large, almost looked like a toy one you'd get to go with a Halloween costume. He explained as he got ready to use it what it was; he was doing something called "pot wax" which I'd seen on an Instagram post of a friend of my daughter's once and it horrified and terrified me. I'd never heard of such a thing. How ironic I had sex with a guy who does this. He demonstrated how he uses it, how it's "pure THC" (which I've heard is the opposite of medicinal marijuana?) He lit a small little tin with a lighter, used the hypodermic-needle looking thing and inhaled from the little tin. He asked if it bothered me and I said no, it didn't, and it really didn't, this was HIS life, and he's not my boyfriend. He can do what he wants, and he seems to function well high. He said again, "you're a saint to put up with me". He was done lickety-split and walked around looking for his keys. I got my two jackets on, and my hat and gloves and had my keys in my hand, and he led me out, down the stairs to the garage where I was parked just in front of it. He opened the garage door and walked me to my car, commenting on how cute it is and teased it for not handling well in the snow. I said it's the driver not the car LOL

And then in front of God and anyone who could've seen us, he kissed me a sweet kiss goodbye and told me to "drive careful" at least twice. As we walked to our separate cars, he wished me a good rest of my day. He really seemed so much more engaged with me than I've ever seen him.

Next time I definitely think I'll want to stay longer ;)

Rocker Boy rocks my world

Well, well, well my dear sexy readers, HAVE I GOT A STORY TO TELL YOU!!!!!!!

I just re-read my last post "Rocker Boy's Surprise Return" and just had to snicker because when I think of him now I think about the hot naked guy in my bed who I made cum three times.

Heh heh heh heh yeah!!!! RIGHT????!!! WHOA ANNA WHAT THE FUCK??!!!!

So in between that last blog post and last week, Rocker Boy one night had called me SEVEN TIMES between 3:30 am-5am. I never picked up. In the morning I texted him that I turn my phone off at night (which I do). I can't be his rescuer, I can't be the one to talk him off the ledge, and I needed to set a boundary with him. I decided he was probably gay anyways and so took my expectations about him down to the friend zone. If he really did like me he's the slowest ever to act on it so what the fuck. We'd been texting back and forth here and there mostly just to try to agree to meet up for coffee and nothing more. Except for saying that one time that "if something more happened that would be okay too" he's never flirted, never gave me any sign he was interested in anything more than friendship, especially after flaking out about meeting me on my way home from the airport.

So last week my hubby was out of town for work, and I had a whole week ahead of me with nothing more than just tennis and errands to look forward to. I should say that New Guy is completely out of the picture. Boring--no story to tell I'm just fed up and bored with him.  I had been texting Asian Stripper Boy a lot--he was SO attentive. Texting and Snapchatting me 24/7, saying the most sensual things to me, like "I love making you happy" and "OMG baby I just want to make you happy" and it goes on and on and on. So of course I had him in mind to fuck since he was so attentive and I've had fun with him before, it has just been over a year tho. So I decided I wanted to meet him for a drink first, not just have him show up, because what if I'm not attracted to him anymore? He's super flaky and even tho he's super hot, he seems to live a very fast lifestyle and I don't want to catch anything from him, so I thought I'd slow him down and meet up with him first.

We had plans Tuesday night to meet at this cute new bar that just went up and he wrote and cancelled. Said "family emergency" which I knew was a lie. He begged for me to try for the next night instead. I said "sure". I mean I had no other plans so why not. I didn't care really either way.

So Wednesday night I had a girl's dinner first, and I got a text from him mid-dinner, "I'm so sorry can we rain check i know I'm the worst rn". I didn't respond. Sooooo done.

Instead I wrote Rocker Boy, "What are u doing tonight? I had a date. He flaked on me" with a laughing till you're crying emoji. It'was 7:30-ish. He wrote right back he was at band practice til 8. I said, "awesome I'm at dinner. Let's get a drink somewhere". He didn't respond til 9:05, and at this point I was home and already tipsy from three glasses of wine and no dinner (what is it with chicks? Appetizers? We shared three bruschettas for 9 people. No one ordered dinner. I should have).

So I just said, "Home! You should come over. Empty house!" He asked for my address. He said, "you live in my hometown!" and he knew exactly where I lived just by the address. I raced around the house lighting candles. I didn't need to pick up thankfully bc my house was spotless.

He got here around 10:30pm. I wish I hadn't been so drunky but in a way it was good bc I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect. Why was he here??? I really didn't know what to expect.

I was so excited to see him though. He's so cute. Like Jordan, he's just my type--skinny rocker boy, lots of hair, looks sexy in skinny jeans and a band T-shirt. He's got the prettiest blue eyes too, shoulder-length black hair, messy and sexy. And great teeth and smile. I mean I'd had a crush on him for a year! It was just never reciprocated.

He came in and we went into the kitchen. He was very complimentary about the house. He was chatty, it was really a relief. Telling me about how he grew up near here, told me about his mom who has 4 cats (my dog and cat came up to greet him).

He sat down at the kitchen island and I asked him if he wanted a drink. I have quite a cabinet of alcohol with just about anything anybody could want LOL and sure enough I had what he wanted, rum and coke. First tho we did a shot of Fireball (my favorite). While he sipped his drink we chatted, I honestly don't remember about what though, and I don't remember how he got into my bed but next thing I knew we were naked and fucking! It was awesome! I had put on some EDM and with the candles everything looked so inviting. I love fucking and fucking like this when everything is quiet perfect. And probably I was a little too drunkie but I love that out-of-body feeling when you just merge with that other person, ya know? I used to feel that sober with Blondie. And of course I always feel that with my hubby but it's rare I ever feel that with someone else, so this was just what I had been wanting. I missed that feeling since Blondie ended things with me and this was the first time in almost 2 years I'd felt it with someone. Rocker Boy's small body and mine just fit so well together. I rode him like a wild cowgirl and when he went down on me, I grabbed that messy hair of his and shoved his face in my pussy and let him know how much I loved it.

We fell asleep wrapped up together like the cover of an erotic novel, our arms and legs and bodies entangled together. The cat jumping on the bed at dawn awoke us both, and as I opened my eyes I saw our bodies were still touching. We were 'spooning", his back was to me but my body was pressed up against his. Next thing I knew, he reached for me without turning around, caressing my hips, he then found my hand and squeezed it. Right then he flipped over and faced me and greeted me with a nice big hard dick. He started kissing me and I thought "omg morning breath" and oddly enough I was too dreamy and sleepy for it to really register and just kissed him back! And you know what all that kissing leads to hehehehe and "spooning leads to forking" and sure enough we were fucking again.

We fell back asleep again afterwards, cuddled up with one another again. It was so intimate and felt amazing and loving.

I woke up around 8:30, which for a weekday was really late. He was sound asleep, and I was restless, so I got up and made a pot of coffee, brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom and I won't apologize for this but put on a little make-up so I wouldn't look so horrifying when he woke up! I went back to bed and distracted myself with Facebook, my words with friends games, and various other time-wasters.I texted my hubby and we chatted for awhile--I wanted to make sure he knew what I was up to and make sure he was still ok with it all. He def was thankfully.

I was getting annoyed Rocker Boy was still asleep. I really didn't have anything going on ironically; my tennis match, I had NO appointments to go to, so I didn't have anything better to do than be with this hot man. I began texting my BFF. I told her, "there's a man in my bed and he ain't my husband!" She had been dying to hear from me since the night before when I wrote her that Asian Stripper Boy flaked on me and that Rocker Boy was coming over.

I think it got to be around 10:00 or so, and I was really bored and didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to leave, but I was bored watching him sleep. I never even got up to have a cup of the coffee I'd made. I don't know why! I guess I just forgot about it. I hadn't had any guy sleep over since Jordan did three years ago! I was baffled what to do. What was the etiquette???!!

My hubby said, "wake him with a BJ". I said, "really?? Won't he be annoyed I woke him?" He said, "Trust me. If he's annoyed you woke him with his dick in your mouth than kick him out!!!" I said, "okey doke!" So that's what I did. He was laying on his side with his back to me, and I just gently moved my body so it was touching his, and he stirred. I let my hand lightly touch him--his back, his cute butt, his thighs, and he stirred more and as he was turning over to face me I just took that hardening cock in my mouth and began sucking him. He moaned and squirmed in ecstasy. I was happy my hubby was right! He wasn't annoyed at all! He loved it! As I sucked and licked him I'd glance up at his face and he was staring right at me. It was so fun. He stroked my hair affectionately and watched me please him.

Then he put his hands on my face and gently took my mouth off of him. He put his hands on my waist and hips and pulled me on top of him. I fucked that boy hard while he sucked my nipples and he came so fast. Afterwards we laid there in each other's arms again and we both fell asleep. I felt so happy and loved and safe and it was really awesome.

Soon tho we both awoke again, and I asked him if he was hungry. He said, "YES!!" I said "me too! How about some scrambled eggs and toast?" He said "sounds awesome!" So I put on a sexy bralette and lingerie shorts and went downstairs and made us some food. He came down and looked so sexy, his hair all tousled. He was happy and we both sat down on the tall chairs on the kitchen island. It was awkward though--I found myself stammering and finally turned on the TV news for some sound. He wasn't chatty at all like he'd been the night before, and I found myself not knowing what to say or do. So when that happens I get MORE chatty and don't even realize I'm doing it, but he seemed to like hearing me talk LOL I showed him pics of our trip to Burning Man and he seemed interested.

I felt like I was ready for him to go then. He said he had to work at 1:30, and it was like noonish. I told him he could shower if he wanted to, and he said that sounded awesome. We went upstairs and I got him a big fluffy towel, told him to use whatever was in there and enjoy! I closed the door to give him privacy and just left him alone. I made the bed and then just sat and played with my phone while I waited for him. I pondered, "should I go shower with him? " Again, "whats the etiquette here??" I decided since he had to go to work that I'd leave him alone. He was probably in "work mode".

After he showered and dressed we went back upstairs and chatted for a bit about his job (he's a writer for a website) which is cool! And then it came time for him to leave. It still felt like there was so much awkwardness, and I'm pretty sure I hugged him and we kissed a perfunctory kiss at the door. Not very romantic but he was so quiet it made it awkward for me. I wished he'd just grabbed me and kissed me hard but he didn't so I was busy being self-conscious.

He left happily I thought, on a good note I hoped, and well, he did text me later that day but I haven't heard much from him since.

There's a major snag I'll tell you about next time. I did something I guess I shouldn't have done.

Rocker Boy's surprise return!!!

Around 5:30 am two weeks I was barely awake, standing in my bathroom in the dimmest light possible, putting my makeup on, getting ready for a flight to DC to meet my hubby who was there for work. Suddenly, I get a private message from none other than Rocker Boy!! Now before I tell you what he said, let me refresh your memory that I have NOT spoken to him at all ever since the day we met at one of my band's performances. I'll attach the link to the blog post. Basically, he was there with his friends and it was an instant crush on my part, but he apparently didn't feel the same and I pretty much forgot about him.

I did see him a few months ago at a charity thing he had for his friend/girlfriend/faghag (who knows??) who died suddenly of an aneurysm about 8 months ago. It was at a rock bar with lots of bands performing (including him) and I deliberately sought him out to give him a hello hug and make sure he knew I was there. It felt obligatory for him so I just let it go. That was April or May I think, and even though we're FB friends (and have like 200 mutual friends) we are in different social circles and just haven't crossed paths either. I assumed he was gay and his friend/gf/faghag Cindy who died was just a friend.

And then there was this message from him, which literally stopped me dead in my tracks. He wrote, "Are you awake I really need to talk to someone really bad right now I know it's a crazy hour but i don't really care right now anymore, I'm falling apart".

Did you just have a heart attack too?? That was my reaction. Fucking heart attack. WHOA ROCKER BOY WHAT THE FUCK????

I'm ordinarily never ever ever awake before 6:40 am so obviously, the Universe was there for him and I was indeed awake. I wrote back something to the effect of "yes I'm here what's going on?" We texted back and forth for a little bit but he wanted me to call him so I did. Here I was rushing to catch a plane and I'm trying to save someone's life at the same time. I couldn't ignore him. This wasn't what I wanted with him and frankly, it was more disconcerting than anything else and I was so distracted trying to get ready and pack.

He seemed totally fine on the phone. He has a lilting voice, it was positive actually and surprising bc I've only said like 3 words to him ever, and here he was, it was dawn and he was pouring out his heart to me. Basically, he was still grieving the loss of his beloved Cindy (who I came to assume was indeed a GF----guess he's not gay after all?) and he said he'd started dating someone new and after 2 weeks she went back to her abusive ex and why would she do that? etc. He was heartbroken and guess he was pretty low. After dealing with New Guy and HIS depression I  just thought, I can't date any more depressed men. It's too exhausting and they're too hit and miss. And I was so certain Rocker Boy was gay anyways, I didn't really feel flirty talking to him or anything. I needed to assess, was he a danger to himself?? Was I talking someone off a ledge?? I was mostly panicky talking to him, even though he sounded totally lucid and fine, talking about bands and music and all. It started to feel like, did you think you needed to sound desperate to have an excuse to write me?? Is this a ruse?? I was very confused, and it didn't help that it wasn't even sunrise and I was rushing to get out of the house.

What was awesome though was we were super revealing with one another. Without saying "I'm married but in an open relationship"---which I think he already surmised---I was commiserating and said I'd been in a 7 week relationship last year which was very short like his (really?? two weeks and he's devastated??? Hmmm...) and he was responding well. I knew he needed mostly to vent and have his feelings validated so that's what I mostly did. I did say I needed to get off the phone and get going, and that I wished he'd contacted me yesterday, LOL I could've gone to see him and given him a hug. He said he wished he had. I said "well consider yourself hugged right now" and reassured him that I was still available to talk and text, I just had a plane to catch and had to get going. I had told him that I liked him from that first day we met and he revealed he'd "never stopped thinking about me" which totally took me by surprise. I was totally taken aback. And then, the whopper.

I know he lives near the airport, and I suggested stopping by on my way home from the airport. I was only going to be gone 3 days. I said I could deliver that hug in person. He said he'd totally love that, and (here it comes) "if it leads to more that would be totally okay too".

ROCKER BOY WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?????

This was shocking information!!! I thought he was gay!!!

So I was like, "really??? You'd want that?" and he responded, "I've always wanted that!' which shocked me even more! I felt like, 'really dipshit??? I kissed you the day we met. It doesn't get more obvious than that. And more than a year later you're telling me you've "always wanted that"??!!

So we left it at that. That was the plan, I was going to stop and see him on the way home from the airport three days from now. And he thanked me profusely for being there for him, he was super sweet and complimentary, it was an amazing phone call. I felt all day like I'd dreamed it. It was so strange and wonderful.

And he texted me off and on all day, then it slowed as the couple of days went by, and then, I hadn't heard from him much at all my last day in DC. I wanted to know if I was still stopping to see him on the way home from the airport (I would've worn something sexier on the plane if I was; if I wasn't, I'd go the comfort route). He hadn't written, "Are you still coming to see me tomorrow on your way home from the airport?" which I should've just left alone and realized he was a flake, but I poked him anyways to get a response. At 10:40 am I finally wrote, "My flight gets in at 9:20 tonight. I can totes stop and see you". Five minutes later he wrote, "have a safe flight". Yeah. Nothing about "yes! come see me!" so I was super annoyed at him and felt so used. What a jerk.

So here's the kicker.

I bump into his best buddy at that same bar I met them both at a year ago. And he's closer to my age. A totally cute aging rocker. At least 50 and he's in a punk band, plays bass. He's truly awesome but i'm not attracted of course, we're just buddies. So we're drinking and hanging out and I start asking him about Rocker Boy. Now mind you, he's his BEST FRIEND. He totally rags on him. He said, "he does that. He writes tons of chicks on FB and gets their sympathy." I said that's totally fucked. He said "yep it is". I said how I totally liked him and told him what he said to me and how he flaked out on me. Jokingly, which is this guys' style, said, "(my name) if you mess around with him I will totally lose respect for you!" I said, "what???why???" he said how he uses women by getting their sympathy and then drops them. I told him what he said and all and he just shook his head like he already knew what I was going to say.  I said I'd had a crush on him for a year and just gave up bc I thought he was gay!" He laughed and said, "well, he won't go down on ya so that's all I know!" I was like whoa. Hmmm. So yeah, I got over Rocker Boy quick.

Sooooo not interested anymore.

And New Guy? He's in and out as usual. Flaked on me this week.

Back on Tinder looking for someone new. Tired of these flakes.

Found someone a decade older who's the spitting image of Mickey. He gave me his number and we're texting.

I'm smitten! I'll call him MickeyTwin.

Have a great week you sexy people.

New Guy steps up

After a two-month lull, New Guy is back and more attentive than ever. Seems he had a lot going on--a new full-time job as well as he and his roommate moved to a new apartment. I have a genuine fondness for him and he is really starting to grow on me. He is SOOOO different from Blondie it makes me realize that Blondie would have to change like 180 degrees for me to ever take him back.

I had driven the 25 min drive to his new place, and he had been messaging me the whole time. He was telling me where to park and also that he wanted to watch "Game of Thrones" with me and his roommate! I should suffice this by saying he and his roommate are childhood friends and he has always wanted me to meet him. (No funny business. He's not that way). What I'm saying is, he is wanting me to be more like a girlfriend. He had wanted me to stay and get food and watch the show with them, he wanted me to spend the night. He didn't want me to leave, and when I explained I couldn't he understood.

And the sex is delicious. We came together! That's never happened to me, as much as everyone always says "oh coming together at the same time is amazing" well in theory it is but I kind of had to stop my orgasm so he could finish his so that kind of didn't really work, but I told him we will try again next time. We are going to keep taking it up a notch. That really excites me. I told him, "we have mad chemistry!" He giggled and agreed.

And afterwards, he asked again if I'd stay, caressing my arm. Later, in front of his roommate, he just gushed, "you're so soft! Your skin is sooo soft!!!" as he caressed my arm. Here's another example of how different he is from Blondie. He'd asked me to take them to the corner market for beer (they were both high, I was sober). So we all got in my car and New Guy just was gushing about me to his roommate. He was telling him about how I'm a singer and about my kid applying for med school. He said more than once, "isn't she gorgeous??" He complimented my car, my hair, everything about me. He reminded me of a little kid who just had his first day of kindergarten and came running home to his mom to tell her all about it. He was soooo excited to share things about me to his roommate, and we all got along great, and it was just, so so good for my soul.

And.....he's asked me several times to come visit him at his new job! He's a bartender. And he got upset when I said I'd come one day and turned out I couldn't.

This is something Blondie would never do. I was an embarrassment to him, he couldn't take me out in public, and New Guy can't wait to show me off. I knew if I just kept looking I'd find someone who would treat me the way I want to be treated. Like a princess.

 I decided right then and there to let him in.

Ghosting--the new "fuck you"

It's only Wednesday and I have SOOOOOO much to tell you!! WHERE DO I BEGIN???

I think I'll start by saying around 1 am a few nights ago, New Guy messaged me, simply, "Yo". I laughed so loud. I was in bed reading on my iPad as usual, staying up way too late. I couldn't believe his nerve. A few minutes later I responded with the snarky, "Yo yo!" He didn't respond and I fell asleep soon after. What an ass.

In the morning he wrote me, "what are you up to" (again no punctuation). I responded simply, " Driving now." Bc I was and also bc I didn't want to initiate conversation. Let HIM do the work. I was waiting for the apology.

He didn't write again. BUT he DID comment on a Facebook post I'd made about something about the Grammy Awards show I was watching. Something snarky, of course. I just kept my response to myself and "liked" his comment, which meant, I see you but I 'm not giving you the honor of my response.

And then once again, 1:00 a.m. messages. At least this time it wasn't, "Yo". So I decided to respond and see if I could get some answers. He dove right in by saying he'd been "real depressed last week. Sorry just been AWOL." Like that was going to smooth everything over and make it okay. BUT I'm not a jerk and I did have some compassion bc I realized right then and there that it had nothing to do with me.

That's really all I needed to know.

I said, 'What's going on?" He answered, "nothing, I just suffer from depression. Sometimes it get bad. I'm medicated for it." I said I was sorry to hear. I said, "Can I ask u something?" He said, "yes". I said, "Why did you ghost me?" He said, "I just told u." I was not satisfied. I went on. "I invited myself over to see u. You never responded. Help me understand. I really really liked you."

EMPHASIS ON "LIKED". NOT "LIKE". AS IN PAST TENSE.

His response? The same. "I told you."

I went on to say how I liked how he had always said how "blunt" he was and "tells it like it is" so I assumed he must've met someone else. And "I even wrote a few days after that. I said I missed your phone calls. Have you missed me too?"

He said, "Like I said, I am medicatd. I have bouts of really highs and really lows. I'm saying I'm sorry. Nothing left to say." I said, "I"m glad to hear that" and "I've missed you."

Then the convo turned sexual. I wasn't interested. I deflected. Told him about a couple good porn sites he should check out instead.

I complimented him on his singing voice. Remember he's in a band too and their lead singer, and he's sent me his songs and he's a crooner. Fucking velvety voice, so beautiful, it's higher than mine. He said, "no one's ever told me that." I said, "I wrote you I was listening to your music and getting turned on by your voice. You never responded. I felt so stupid." He felt bad apparently, saying, "Don't. U R awesome. It's my own shit." DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS.

"How do I not take it personally if you choose to ignore me again?" I challenged him.

"Cause I told you why. I close down and shut people out."

I said, "That's sad babe. I'm sorry to hear and it hurts." And then I added sympathetically, "I"m sure you hurt worse tho." He said, "Trust me, I don't enjoy it.".

So that was that. We chatted a bit after and it ended sweetly, and I've heard from him a couple times since. We wished each other a happy Valentine's day and I "hearted" his new FB profile pic. I'll give him all the compliments I think he deserves, but that boy ain't getting in my pants anytime soon. I'll be his friend and that's all. I don't do mental illness anymore. I have let broken people pull me down so many times, I give and give and give and try to save them from themselves and all it ever does is break ME instead.

I can't do it. If I fuck him he will get in my heart and he doesn't deserve a place there. I don't need him for sex. He needs me--he wants me, he can't do better than me but he doesn't deserve me.

It feels SO GOOD to have gotten answers.

People, I know it the "latest thing" to ghost people but for God's sake stop doing it. All it does is cause so much anxiety and despair to the person you're ghosting. If you've barely talked to them it's an acceptable way to let them know you're not interested but if you've dated them, you owe them an explanation. Tell them. There are gentle words out there to communicate you're no longer interested in dating them without breaking their spirit. We are grown-ups.

Start fucking acting like one.

And have a nice day.

Follow-up post will be very exciting. Stay tuned.

Another one bites the dust

Oy vay.

Back to the drawing board.

New Guy will probably not be mentioned again after today's post. I think it's super interesting that not only could I not think of how to address him when I talked about him let alone on here was probably a premonition. I'm so annoyed. I texted him again one last time last night, I simply said, "I miss your daily phone calls. Hope all is well with you."

Crickets once again.

And what pisses me off the most is, he made a point to tell me more than once how he's the kind of person who's "so blunt it offends a lot of people" but the truth is, he's a coward and an asshole. To just ignore me is cowardice and douchebag behavior. So much for being "blunt".

I deleted all our texts so I'm not tempted to contact him again. And why would I be tempted to contact him again? Only to show my anger and contempt for him and I don't want to do that. I want to just "go away" as he's hoping I will (apparently) and take the high road. I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong. The day before he stopped responding to me we had insane video sex and he'd responded how hot and sexy I was. So whatever is causing him to act like an asshole, well, it has nothing to do with ME.

I like that I'm handling this additional rejection well. It happens so often I can't possibly take it personally. I think these young guys are mostly all talk-like Hairy Guy got cold feet at the last minute and admitted "sexting is fun but I don't think I can go through with it." I think they just like the free sexy pics and the IDEA of me. And also, I'm married. They want girlfriends they can take home to their roommates and not be embarrassed about. Once Blondie got a female roommate, he refused to have me over bc apparently, he was embarrassed of me. I refuse to be someone's embarrassment. I will keep looking until I find someone who will like me the way I am. What hurts is New Guy and I had these conversations and before we even met we both wanted the same thing. Being almost 28 he seemed more mature than Blondie (who's barely 24).

Whatever.

I'm not going to waste a minute putting myself down. I always tell myself, "If I don't have any information to go on as to why they stopped contacting me, what good does it do me to put myself down?? I mean yes, I am the common denominator. BUT both guys' last interactions with me were highly positive. So if I have no idea why they lost interest, what good does it do me to put myself down? If I have to write the story, why say "oh it's bc you're old. They saw your flab. They saw wrinkles. I'm not 24." blah blah blah Why not tell myself, "They stopped contacting me bc they couldn't handle me?" and "they're immature" and "probably want a girlfriend/marriage/babies and I can't give them that."

It saves my ego and it's probably the truth. But there's really no excuse for just "ghosting" someone you've been involved with except to label that person a douchebag.

At least Blondie always wrote me and told me why he couldn't see me. He gave me that. He has never ghosted me. And he's younger than New Guy. And here I thought NG would be more mature.
Apparently, age is not an indicator of douche'ness.

Sigh.

Happy Monday y'all.

Hairy Guy saves the day

My hubby was in another state for work last night, so I wanted to make the most of my solo evening and wrote New Guy that I was free and would he like some company?? I assumed since he'd invited me over several times (which I'd declined bc I wasn't "ready" yet) would def want to get together. After all, we'd just had this awesome video sex, and he was calling me daily, texting me non-stop.

And I think I wrote yesterday that I knew something had changed when he hadn't opened my snapchat from the night before, and hadn't texted back either. Finally he did, three texts in a row, something about how he couldn't find his phone "until just now." I've used that line before so I knew it was code for, "I didn't really want to respond, but I'm an asshole if I don't".  So imagine my humiliation now having basically thrown myself at him and he still has not even responded. And it's not like he "can't find his phone", because he's posted shit on his Facebook! He's just fucking ghosting me! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!! SEE???!! THERE WAS A REASON HE NEVER GOT A NAME FROM ME!!! I'm pissed beyond pissed. But I am always right about chemistry. I had to work too hard at it, but when I finally felt it, guess it was too late for him. Big fucking deal. I don't give a shit. His loss. I'm done. If I hear from him it had better be good bc I don't plan on responding. And I'm not going to humiliate myself further by sending "???'s either. 

LET IT GO ANNA.

I wasn't about to sit home tho. And ironically, Hairy Guy was in town, literally just for the one night! So we Snapchatted back and forth all day, and I lied and told him I had plans with girlfriends and wasn't sure I could get out of it. Truth was, I was holding out for New Guy. I wrongly assumed he was just at work, because he DID write me "good morning" as usual and a few scattered texts, so I had no reason to believe my plans with him would fizzle. By 4:30, I was beyond pissed off, and decided to see Hairy Guy and if New Guy wrote me, I would tell him sorry he took too long to respond so I made other plans.

AND I DID MAKE OTHER PLANS!!!!

Hairy Guy was all in. I made a hotel reservation, the same one I met Abercrombie at that has a cute bar adjoining it. I could hardly get ready bc he kept sending me sexy snapchats. We were both getting ready for our date and he was getting so excited he sent me a video of himself jerking off. What a fucking hottie!!

He was staying with family literally a mile away from me, and since he lives in Florida, he didn't have a car, so I went to pick him up. He was as adorable as his snapchats. He's got hair longer than mine (he even agreed it was!) and he's the complete opposite of Blondie except for the length of their hair. Oh, and they both have blue eyes. He's called Hairy Guy for a reason LOL he's always got some sort of 3-4 day stubble on his face, long black very curly hair, and a very hairy chest. He doesn't "manscape" at all. Which is usually the complete opposite of what I'm usually attracted to so it kind of surprises me I'm so insanely attracted to him!

Shortly before I let to pick him up, he backed out of meeting me entirely. Said something about how it was "immoral" bc I have a husband and kids and a house and all. I was like "whoa whoa whoa" and had to explain my sitch to him all over again. He also mentioned something about a girl he was seeing who wasn't really his girlfriend but he was "holding out for her." I was annoyed and probably should've cancelled our date, but by then I was all dressed up and very horny and damn if I wasn't going to get some attention!! I cancelled the hotel reservation and told him we would just have dinner. That if I ate I wouldn't want to fuck anyways. LOL He softened and said, "YEAH!!"

I should summarize that we've known each other for almost 2 years! We "met" on Tinder and after nearly hooking up, I did a little digging and saw that he was FB friends with my DAUGHTER!! I was like no no no no no this can NEVER happen.

So we've been friends ever since. We really are. I feel like I know him pretty well. He sends me snapchats all the time, and I to him. We discuss my daughter and her possible pot smoking. He swears he has no idea who she is, or my son for that matter. They all went to the same high school and kids know kids and friends of other friends is all. Having known him this long I believe him. So I just thought, this will be fun to finally meet him. No pressure.

In the car on the way to the restaurant he let me pick. he was telling me a story that included the information that he was only 19!! I freaked and said, "WTF??? WHY DID I THINK YOU WERE 24!!!!!" He laughed and said, "Anna you know how young I am! I was barely 18 when we first started talking and that's why you wouldn't meet me!" He said everyone thinks he looks 24-26. He said he's even a bar-back where he lives in Florida and that's why they let him keep the job even though he's under 21. He said his fake ID is so legit looking, and I laughed and told him that I'm sure they'd serve him anyways bc I'm sure they'll just think I'm your mom!!

We had a great time together. He's super ADD and talks a mile a minute and hardly stops to take a breath, but he always had eye contact. He never once looked around the room at anyone else, he was focused on me and only me the entire time. We had 2 margaritas, and nibbled on the tortilla chips and guac, and I thought, "well, this isn't going anywhere" which was the plan, so I tossed my credit card to the bartender and asked for the bill. After I signed it I told Hairy Guy I had to use the bathroom. He gave me the sweetest smile, and for the first time, I saw dimples, peeking out from all that stubble. I stopped and said, "I'm having a great time. Are you?" And he said, "fuck yeah!" I said, "I don't have to leave. Want another??" and again he said, "fuck yeah!" I said, "ok awesome! I'm going to go to the bathroom. Order us another round?" He said, "sure!!!"

I was like, oh Anna, a THIRD margarita??? That spells either trouble or sex. Hehehehe

As we were talking he started putting his hand on my knee or thigh when he gestured. I didn't mind at all. We had crazy chemistry, and we were such good friends, I was relaxed and not at all nervous. I ordered food when I got back bc I was afraid I would end up quite sick as i hadn't eaten anything but a few chips. I barely touched it bc I was getting hornier and hornier for this hottie.

Finally it was time to leave, and we just simply walked to my car. Non-plussed. Just good buddies. With all this crazy chemistry that wasn't going anywhere. After I started driving, we got about 2-3 miles in and he said something about wanting to park somewhere and "make out". I said, "you sure??? I don't want u to do anything your uncomfortable with. That was the agreement." He said, "you're so hot baby and I've wanted you for almost 2 years. I'm so stupid. We should've kept that hotel room." I said, "oh well!! Maybe next visit!!!" By now his hand was up my dress and fingering my pussy and I was panting. I had no idea where to go and we laughed as we tried several different parking lots and found a dark corner finally. He pounced on me, he couldn't wait.

Kissing me ferociously. His fingers all up in my business, I took his man-bun down and grabbed a fistful of that sexy Jesus hair. He said all the young girls he dates tell him to cut it bc he looks too much like Jesus. I laughed and said I was agnostic so for me this is def going to be a religious experience!! He laughed too. And I wasn't nervous at all, and I felt so safe with him, he's so sweet. And a tiger and passionate. I found his hard dick and he undid the top of his pants and I sucked him off. He moaned like an animal and came so fast and tasted so fucking delicious. He kissed me more and fingered me until I came. It was fucking awesome.

And he goes back Monday, so I think I'll tease him today and see if he has changed his mind about fucking me.

Have a great weekend my sexy readers!!

Love, 

Anna XOXO

Hot virtual sex with New Guy!

The same day Blondie dumped me yet again, I had a visitor in the afternoon that was just what the doctor would've ordered----New Guy. He stopped by on his way home from his work break. He works like 2 miles from me! How convenient is THAT?!?!? Now remember, this is only the second time I've ever seen him in person. He caught me off-guard--I hadn't showered (I typically don't if all I'm doing is housework) so I was like eh, gimme 5 minutes to make myself somewhat presentable??! He was like I'm sure you look beautiful.

Awww.....yesssss. Thank you. I very much needed that today mister.

He's a chef in an Italian restaurant and primarily makes a lot of pizzas he was telling me, and therefore, that explained the flour on his Converse shoes. He looked adorable. Same red knit cap on, jeans that are way too baggy, and a jacket bc well, it's January. He came in and he was SUCH a gentleman. I believe I hugged him when he came in, but otherwise, he kept a good distance between us. I have to tell you he wasn't just there to see ME. He was buying pot off me. I buy it like once a year and forgot I even had it, and since he's a huge pot smoker, he offered to buy it from me so I was like, "sure, if I can find it!!" I knew I had it hidden from my kid somewhere in my closet. I found it and had brought it downstairs for him.

He didn't stay long, I'd say maybe 15-20 min. He told me it was "great shit" and how I was over-charged for it but that it was def "great shit". We talked about his work, I showed him what I'd been doing (working on the band's set list) and my dog approved and the two of them bonded. I was nervous as a schoolgirl (how cliche is THAT??!!) but his smile melted me. When he walked to the door to leave, he gave me that smile, and next thing I know, we're kissing so passionately, and as I press my body up against his, I feel his hard cock up against my groin and I realized I was instantly wet for him. I wanted him. It wasn't forced, it was genuine.

When we broke apart, it was awkward and fun. I'm sure my face was bright red with embarrassment. But it was awesome, bc I finally felt the chemistry I'd wanted to feel for him. He's worming his way into my heart. AND my pants LOL

Speaking of pants....

*******

The next day he called me (he calls me almost every day! I love it!) and he wanted to video call me and masturbate together! I was like SURE!!!! OKAY!!! I said I wanted to shower first and get prettied up.

I did, and put on a pretty red push-up bra and red thong, and texted him, "Ready!" And my phone rang immediately.

It was the first time I ever even saw him with his shirt off and without a knit cap! There was so much skin suddenly. It was a bit shocking but he was very pretty. He's lankier than he seems in clothes (must get him to get rid of those baggy jeans!!) and he's very sexy! A truly beautiful and hairless body (the way I love it!), long blonde hair but not as long as Blondie's. A small hoop earring in each ear. Blue eyes and full lips, and tattoos on his arms. He seemed very skilled at holding his cell phone while masturbating! The view was scrumptious. Beautiful big stiff cock and a wicked smile on his face at the same time. I posed for him and he'd purr, "mmmmm you're soooo beautiful" and "show me that pussy". It was fun pleasing him, and as he stroked his cock, I masturbated at the same time with one of my vibrators. He mostly complimented me while he stroked and moaned, occasionally giving me directions on what he wanted me to do. It was so fun. He started to cum and then I came with him. It made me def want to be with him as soon as possible.

The next day he wanted a repeat performance, as we still couldn't get together, and we were all set when my daughter came home unexpectedly early from school. Thank God he wasn't HERE!! I told him, 'you're on your own today I'm afraid mister" and asked if he'd like some sexy pics to assist. He said, "please???!!!" So I obliged, and posed for maybe 5-6 pics and snapchatted them to him. He screenshot nearly all of them.

And I'm pained to report, I've hardly heard from him since. I know that was only 2 days ago, but there's an obvious drop in his attention. He only texted me a couple times yesterday, and gave me the, "I lost my phone till just now" excuse, which I have used myself when I feel guilty at not writing back someone I don't really want to talk to. Then after a long lag time after my response (which I made light of it) he wrote, "I'll text you after work." My BFF said, "Don't respond for at least an hour. Find out if he really wants to talk to you. He'll double-triple text if he does." Which is what he usually does! He'll send 5-6 texts back-to-back. 

He didn't, and I took longer than an hour to respond, which he'd just written, "how are ya" (no punctuation ever, drives me crazy),  and I'd just said, "I'm good hun how's your day been" (no punctuation either). 

That was 6:16 pm last night. It's now almost 9 am and nothing. I sent him a silly snapchat last night of my dinner and he hasn't even opened it! So I'm sad and hurting and trying to decide, "do I text first again??? Do I wait? Do I send him another snapchat?? And while I'm thinking all this, I actually do nothing. If he misses me he will write me.

And lastly, I got yet another snapchat from Blondie yesterday. Two videos. He sends them to me and then also posts them to his "story". Which is bad snapchat etiquette, but he doesn't know any better, and it makes me happy so fuck etiquette!!! It lets me know he is thinking about me and wants to make sure I see it. I honestly don't know why he is so attentive now that he's dumped me. Maybe bc I didn't react the way he's used to girls reacting??? I don't make him feel guilty or get all cray. Or beg him to change his mind. Hmmm.. I am thinking he will date this new chick but like with Piggy Face, he thought of me the entire time he was with her, and still wanted to talk to me and fuck me.

I just have to be patient, and keep looking elsewhere. I would love to fall for New Guy, but this sudden lack of attention makes me feel like I need to get back on Tinder. 

Sigh.

Post-Birthday notes

I kind of got what I wanted for my birthday yesterday--Blondie did finally write me around 5:30 pm, "I hope you have a great birthday (my name)" I wrote back, "thanks babe" with a kiss emoticon. He still hasn't read it. And then, around 9:00 I added, "congrats on the job that's awesome" because he'd posted a few days ago he got the job that will keep him here instead of moving to Colorado! And he's online right now, and still hasn't read those last two messages. So I went from ecstatic to down, and that's what he does to me. I AM happy he wrote me though, and I've learned with him that he WILL eventually always contact me, and when I see him, he will fill in all the blanks. It's just not enough for me. I want more. I ache for him, but if it's not both ways, I really can't keep doing this.

And New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me all day, sent me snapchats, complimented me, and even called me. We weren't able to see each other but it was ok bc there was no expectation that we would. He worked a long 10 hour day (he's a chef) and I had plans with my hubby and daughter.

And I'm not closing myself of to other guys yet. I'm still not sure about him. Our phone call was so awkward--I can't quite explain it. I think he makes me feel defensive. He's "all in" with me and I'm so hesitant. I was telling my hubby how Rocker Boy sent me a birthday message yesterday-I hadn't remembered but HE did that it was HIS birthday yesterday too! So he and I were chatting a bit, and I posted a pic of the two of us from that gig I met him at (and kissed him!) and I told my hubby how I had crazy chemistry for him the moment I laid eyes on him. And when he wrote me, all I wanted to do was fuck him.  And with New Guy, I just don't feel it yet. And he IS sexy and doing all the right things. My feelings for Blondie wouldn't stop me from fucking Rocker Boy, so that was kind of a light bulb moment. It's not that I'm soooo into Blondie apparently, maybe I'm just not that into New Guy.

Or I wonder if maybe I know I won't fall in love with Rocker Boy, I'll just have a splendid good time with him, and if I get naked with NG, I WILL fall in love and that's what scares me. And stupid Blondie doesn't even know or care how I feel about him and obviously it's wasted emotion the way I feel about him.

Have a great weekend sexy peeps! Wear your condoms! Be honest! Have fun!

What I want for my birthday

The day after a first date is always the barometer of how it went, and New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me first thing in the morning, and last thing at night (didn't call me though! First day he didn't call! But he worked a 10 hour day so it's ok!!) He was also the first person to wish me a happy birthday. Yes, today is my birthday! And my heart is heavy because the one person I want to be with today just posted a snapchat of himself and his adorable cat to his story, but didn't send it to ME.

And I refuse to open his snapchat stories. He's not looking at mine anymore, for about 3-4 days now, and he STILL hasn't responded since his, "I go in at 12:30" text last Monday. I KNOW I need to get over him!!! I KNOW THAT!!!! But DOING it is something else altogether.

I'm pouring all the energy that I would be wasting on Blondie into New Guy. It's so funny, I really need to figure out what to call him, not just on this blog but in reality! I am calling him by the nickname his friends gave him but it feels strange, and I can't call him by the same name as my hubby. I mean of course I can, but his Facebook is filled with his friends calling him by his nickname. Last night I asked him what his middle name is, and it sounds African-American, and he is very Caucasian and blonde, so that name doesn't fit either!!

I love how I can tell NG (for "new guy" until I come up with something better) how I REALLY feel, and he is so easy to talk to. For example, he didn't understand why I wouldn't just come over and hang out. He said, and I quote, "If you don't want to fool around yet that has nothing to do with where we hang out. I will respect you. So don't automatically think that you coming over means sex. We can just cuddle and watch TV. Whenever you're ready for anything else, we can cross that bridge then." And I really do know he'd honor that. He's not one of those slimy types that think once they get you into their apartment they pounce.

He asked me, "what are you waiting for?" in response to him saying he feels "a lot of chemistry" for me. Before I had a chance to respond, he wrote, "I wasn't ready to hold hands yet." That shocked me! We ARE awkward together, but isn't that how it usually is when you're getting to know someone??!! I think for me, I usually either feel it 100% or not at all. I told him about a guy I went out on a first Tinder date with last year--he was the guy who was super cute, had a cat and an apartment and it was when Blondie had just dumped me to "pursue" Piggy Face. I wanted SO badly to like him. We met at a bar, had 2 glasses of wine, and felt nothing. I even went back to his apartment, met his cat, we chatted, and I still felt nothing. It's like I'm back there again with this new guy. I hate it!! I hate the hold Blondie has on me. He makes me so crazy and I'm sick of losing opportunities to be with someone else who will treat me right bc I am stuck on him.

And I love how you, my dear readers and anonymous friends, challenge me to ask myself why I keep giving him so many chances. And the thing is, we've been friends for almost 2 years, and lovers off and on for a year. I know, I know, there was that 8 month period where I didn't hear from him at all because he was with Piggy Face, but when they broke up he told me how he never stopped thinking about me and how badly he has wanted me all along. And we have an AMAZING connection, and I've never had sex like that with anyone. You know how that is---it creates a longing and desire for them very much like a drug and all I want is more more more. BUT if he doesn't feel the same way, which apparently, he does and he doesn't, sitting around waiting for him is just plain stupid.

Oh, and I have thought long and hard about my sudden burst-into-tears spell yesterday. I think it was so obvious I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. It was really as simple as I really wished I'd been kissing Blondie instead. And how hurt I feel that he doesn't feel the same way. I am, without realizing it, grieving for him. I have SUCH longing for him and it hurts deep to my core. I HAVE to let go and let this new guy give me what I really want and need. He is willing to take things slow and wants everything I want. I just have to let go of Blondie to let it all happen. 

Today is my birthday! I'm going to squeeze in seeing NG. That will make me happy. I'm not going to let Blondie's lack of contact ruin my day. He thought my birthday was Sunday and he DID call me and wish me a happy birthday.

Have a good day everyone!

Finally meet New Guy!!!!

I couldn't wait to sit down and write about meeting this new hottie yesterday! I have been thinking long and hard about what to call him on here: his real name is the same as my hubby's, but he himself goes by a nickname and I've told him, "I haven't decided what to call you yet!" He's so easy going and laid back, and he said he's always high. He stopped drinking and doing drugs a few years ago but loves his weed, and clearly, he functions well on it. He's so easy going. Nothing riles him.

Not even when I accidentally sent him a screenshot of our conversation to my BFF, and my subsequent follow-ups texts that were supposed to go to her. Where I said I though he was acting like he has a lack of respect for women by suggesting repeatedly for me to just go to his apartment and "chill".

I was horrified. He was at work when the texts went through, and we were supposed to meet up after. I sent a barrage of texts once I discovered my flagrant errors. I thought, "well Anna, you're an idiot and ruined it!" I actually Googled, "how to recover from sending texts/screenshot to the wrong person". It said basically just to send a GIPHY. So, I'd already send about 5 texts apologizing, then sent a GIPHY of Homer Simpson doing his slap-to-the-forehead signature, "DOH!!!' And then after almost an hour after we were supposed to meet, when I still hadn't heard anything, fearing the worst, I just wrote, "I'm all showered and dressed if you want to still meet." And I was surprised and relieved that he wrote and apologized to ME!!!!!!! And then said how he'd just gotten off work and yes, we can go anywhere I wanted.

His handling of that showed me he was worth the effort. And that maybe, just maybe, calling someone on their shit, even if it's accidental, has value. And to his credit, during the entire date, he never ever brought it up.

He doesn't have a car, and offered to wait by the curb for me. I liked that. So that's what he did; and when I drove up to his apartment complex, he was sitting in a rickety old chair outside of it. He waved and got up and walked over, and I opened my car door for him. He was taller and thinner than I thought he'd be which was a positive! (I didn't need him to be tall, just thinner than how he appeared in his pictures). He had on a red knitcap, and had hair long enough that it was almost shoulder-length, which I liked very much. Another blonde. What is it with me and blondes all of a sudden????!!

And the crazy thing is, he's sooooo much like Blondie it's uncanny. Similar in looks, although Blondie is way hotter. I felt crazy chemistry for Blondie instantly, and I didn't feel it yesterday with the new guy. They're both young, living in crappy apartments, working hard and making little, no car (although Blondie's got his running again), and both so hippy-like, pot-smoking, easy-going, laid back guys. The biggest difference is, New Guy is a great communicator. He tells it like it is constantly, and doesn't play games. I don't have to guess where I stand with him, and there's something about him that forces me to be brutally honest with him too.

Like just now he wrote, "Cum over today". I answered back, simply, "I'm not ready for that yet". Instead of making up an excuse like I'm busy or whatever, I am getting better at knowing what I want and not being so much of a pleaser. This is big for me!!

So, you want to know if I kissed him???

I DID!!!

Or should I say, he kissed ME!!

I could tell he wanted to, and he was trying to figure out how to make a move and still be a gentleman.

I drove us to this cute coffee place near his apartment, and I ordered a coffee and he ordered a strawberry smoothie. He doesn't drink coffee either! I chose a table in the back by a window, and I sat across from him. I was so super nervous! This was the first first-date I'd been on in over a year! And I wasn't in a bar, wasn't drinking, so no liquid courage. I could see he was nervous too, his knee was shaking just sitting across from me. I cradled my coffee mug in my hands as we talked about our family histories, how I moved here from California, how he was a high school basketball star but got injured and that's when things got hard for him. He wanted to talk politics but I wouldn't let him!

We had a nice visit, and a couple times he'd gently touch my hand, and glide his fingers across, and then pull back when I didn't reciprocate. I enjoyed just sitting with him, the conversation flowed easily and well, and he totally disarmed me when he was describing his roommate to me. He's known him 5 years he said, and that he's a "total disaster", but like a brother to him. That he just got his second DUI and that they were sharing his work van, which now has been confiscated by his job, so now he himself has no car. BUT when he was describing him, he said, and I quote, "he's adorable. Absolutely adorable." I have never heard a guy talk about another guy like that, especially his buddy! And he went on to describe the first George Bush as "adorable" too, and did an impersonation of him describing how he thought he was so cute and small and adorable he just had to vote for him. I thought he was charming and funny.

After about an hour or so, we left and when we'd gotten in the car, he made his move. He just came close and started to kiss me. It was nice, it wasn't amazing, I wasn't really feeling it, but I kissed him anyways. I wasn't sure how I felt. I was very uptight. I said afterwards, "Glad we got that first kiss out of the way!" and he laughed and agreed. The first one is always the most nerve-wracking.

He suggested we stop at Wal Mart bc I'd been telling him how I needed to buy a new coffee pot as I'd broken ours the day before. OH!! And I forgot to tell you, Blondie lives about a mile away from him. And we stopped at the same Wa lMart I went to with Blondie previously. So it didn't escape me the fact that I could possibly  run into him there. And as we walked through the store, I linked arms with New Guy, fully aware of this fact. Did I want to run into Blondie and have him see me arm-in-arm with another guy?? I think I did, and that's why I was the one to link arms with him, not the other way around.

I didn't see Blondie, and I found my coffee pot, bought it and we left and I drove him home. When I put the car in park, of course he wanted to "make out" as he'd put it. I giggled and didn't stop him, even though I wasn't really feeling it. He is so self-aware: he said, "How was that?" And I said, "It was nice!" He said, "Nice?? That it??" And I said, "Yeah! Nice!" and we both laughed. And he kissed me more, and rubbed his hand on my thigh, and I moved so he would kiss my neck. He had asked me when we'd talked on the phone if I liked my neck kissed, and I did, and I wanted him to stop kissing me on the mouth. I liked having my neck nibbled and he caressed my hair as he did. Then he kissed me some more, very passionately, lots of tongue, but I was hesitant. He felt it and asked me about it, and I said something like yes I liked it. I didn't say much more. We talked about when we'd see each other again, and he finally got out and walked to his apartment.

I drove off to a spot around the corner to let my hubby and BFF know I was fine and on my way home. And when I got home, I was relieved I was alone, and suddenly felt so incredibly tired. I turned off my phone, laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. I fell asleep immediately, but was awakened soon after by one of my cats that jumped on the bed and came close and meowed at me. I said hi to her and started petting her, and suddenly burst into tears. I laid there sobbing, trying to understand what I was feeling.

I still have no idea.