Someone new...someone older????

Hello my sexy readers! How are you all doing? I'm sorry I haven't written lately. I've had a weird month. We have much catching up to do!

First of all, I went to see Blondie! My hubby encouraged me to go see him. He moved 5 ours up north, and I drove to spend the night with him! The last hour I drove in a terrible snowstorm and was questioning my sanity (and my libido LOL) bc what if I crashed and died up there? How would I explain where I was???

We had a great visit. I should write it all out for you but I just haven't had the time. Let's just say, we still have an amazing connection. We went for a new record but ending up tying the last one LOL he came four times and the sex was GREAT as always. He still hasn't made me cum although he sure tries; whenever I get close he goes and does something different and I'm like, "NO!! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!" lol I don't say it I just gently move his fingers and try to show him but he has his own ideas about what I might like so yeah, I went for my OWN record and masturbated myself to orgasm with him 3 times. He loved watching so yeah!

The best parts of our night together were two things....we'd been fucking and when we were done I realized my phone was almost dead and my charger was in my car. So we had to get all dressed and go get it. It was snowing hard but it was beautiful--big huge snowflakes coming down like feathers, and it was sooo quiet out. He walked with me to my car, and drew a big heart on my back windshield that said "B + A" (Blondie +Anna, but our real first names) and that was soooo romantic!!! He kissed me with the snow coming down on us and it was sooo romantic!

The other best part was, the next morning, I had to pack up and leave and he said he'd go out and clean all the snow off my car for me  (insert heart emoji!!!) while he did I packed my things. He came back to the room, and it was only 10:15 (I planned on being on the road by 11, when we had to check out of the hotel) and I said, "I don't have to leave for another 45 minutes!!" He smiled that naughty smile and we tore off all our winter clothes and boots as fast as we could and fucked again! It was so hot. We are so hot for each other.

There were a few bad parts though that I don't really want to get into right now, just suffice it to say nothing bad, just I spent enough time to get to know him better, and I honestly didn't like what I saw. It made me realize that sometimes it's best to not take my lovers out in public! He is 25 but acts like he's a 10 year old boy. He drank too much, got rowdy and inappropriate and I thought, "ugh".

And so he fell off his pedestal.

And the next day after I got back from seeing Blondie, I got real sick. Urgent care twice sick. The flu, pneumonia, and finally a sinus infection. Two rounds of antibiotics and fevers of 103-104. I lost two weeks. But what I'm going to tell you next has made it all better.

A week later, on a Sunday night, around 11 pm, I get a PM from a musician I know, an acquaintance. We go back about 5 years. He's the lead singer of one of the most successful bands here and is extremely good looking, great voice, and all the women throw themselves at him. Every performance is filled with women fawning all over him. I've seen his band a few times and I wasn't that impressed for some reason, something I couldn't put my finger on. I know his guitarist better than I know him bc he goes to all our music industry meetings and he's a really nice guy (bald, not my type, but a great person and amazing guitarist).

The only history I have with this hot singer who I'll call Brandon is five years ago was when I first went to see his band. I remember being all dressed and liquored up, with my hot blonde BFF and we were coming out of the bathroom and he walked by. I was instantly smitten and stopped him and said, "are you single?" he said, "maybe!" and we giggled and walked away. The only other time I encountered him was at a music industry convention last January; his band had a booth and so did ours, and with my bandmates we went to say hi. I took a selfie of the two of us, but it was more to brag about having a selfie with this hot, uber successful singer than anything else. I wasn't really attracted to him at this point, there was a super hot drummer I spent most of my time hanging out with instead who's bands' booth was two booths down from Brandon's bands' booth.

So fast forward to that PM four weeks ago....he wrote, "can I ask you a question?" and since he's a realtor by day I assumed it had to do with a question about our house, bc we are in the process of getting it ready to be listed. He said, " it's about a mad passionate love affair". I was like, "WHAT????" I just said, "who's?" real flirty. I was really shocked! Brandon? From THAT BAND LIKES ME????!!! I couldn't believe it! I was like, I've known you for years. Why now?" He said it was the combination of "liquid courage" and me liking his FB post about him going bowling! He'd checked in at a bowling alley and I "liked" the post bc it made me think how much I love bowling and having gone in years! And that's what tipped him over the edge to have the courage to write me. I thought that was so hot. He's wanted me all this time. WOW No one's ever pined for me for that long and then told me.

So we texted back and forth the next day and the next, talking about our marriages (yes, he's married and has three kids), how we "do" non-monogamy and all. He said they had a DADT ("don't ask, don't tell") which I really don't agree with bc it involved lying. I said, "so if you're out on a date with me, what do you tell your wife?" he said that he's out with a friend. Hmm.

So we decided to meet for coffee the following Friday. I was still coughing but feeling much better, and I'd lost 7 pounds and felt more attractive! He had an acoustic show the night before, and another friend of mine asked me to go with her! OF COURSE I SAID YES!!! So we stopped at a different bar and had something to eat and drink, and then ventured over to the bar he was performing at. I looked damn good and I knew it. The ambience in this bar was perfect. My friend and I walked in, and had to walk right past him and his guitarist, which was super embarassing. They were in the middle of a song and we smiled at each other, and we went and sat down on a bench seat next to one another, off to the side, but close. I was so attracted to him I couldn't even look at him. I really couldn't believe he had said the things he had said to me.

The most interesting part is, he's OLDER. Probably in his late 40's. I've never been attracted to anyone even 30! So this was a first for me, and I'm sure it has everything to do with his celebrity. But I'd never really looked at him before.

They finished their first set soon after we sat down and got our first drinks, and he and his guitarist (different from the one in his band) and they both came over to say hi. He hugged my friend first (as he should have, they've been friends for years) and then he came over to hug me. I got up and he hugged me so tightly, then he kissed me a quick kiss (super awkward) and then hugged me again. He didn't want to let go. I was getting so turned on but uncomfortable at the same time! Then he finally let go. He stood opposite me (there was a table between us) and his guitarist was standing opposite my friend, but I honestly couldn't look at him. He's got blue eyes and oh my god dimples. And did I mention HIS MUSCLES??? OMG biceps so huge and rock hard. A sexy tribal tattoo around one of them. And he's such a happy guy, he's always smiling and you can always see those dimples. I was smitten. Finally my friend goes, "PICTURE!!" The guitarist went and sat to my friend's left and Brandon came and sat next to me. He sat THISCLOSE and put his arm around me.

 I could smell him, oh my god he smelled so good, just manly, not a heavy cologne scent. My friend grabbed my phone and I unlocked it, and while she and the guitarist were jostling to get the angle just right, Brandon started caressing my exposed thigh (I was wearing a short dress) with his index finger. Up and down, slowly touching my thigh, and I was going crazy inside. I put my arm around him too for the picture, which they took 5 pics, and I was so drawn to him. I was so turned on. Those dimples. Those muscles. The two vodka tonics I'd had left me uninhibited, and I found my mouth next to his cheek, my lips parted and panting, brushed them against his cheek! Then I was like "OH MY GOD ANNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" and stopped myself. The pics got taken, and then they got up and said they were going to go get drinks and go to the bathroom and all before their second set. I cannot stop thinking about that three minutes with him.

But sadly, nothing ever came from it. We've never met up. I'll start a new post bc this one's just getting too long.

Sigh.

Indescribably delicious

I just got home after dropping Blondie off at his apartment.

I have to write this all down so I don't forget anything.

And yes, it was A M A Z I N G.

Sigh.

He's literally loading everything he owns into a small driveable U-Haul as I write this and moving five hours away tomorrow morning.

He's made a mess of his life. He's moving back in with his mom with his proverbial tail between his legs.

Over the course of the last couple of weeks he apparently pissed off his girlfriend, went to Mexico on vacation with a group of friends, then lipped off to his boss which got him fired. Which rendered him homeless, since he worked maintenance at an apartment complex and got a reduced rent there. He had moved out of his old place two months ago to get a bigger place in the same complex with his girlfriend but she (apparently) kicked him out. In addition, he got a DUI in May when he got in a wreck so there's that. So he is jobless and car-less and homeless, and moving in with his mother and his step-dad for "least a year" to get his shit together. "Maybe go back to school".

So he'd announced his plans to move on a Facebook post yesterday (leaving out the "pissing off" everyone part). It must've been shocking to his friends bc last I looked, he'd had about 53 likes and sad faces and hearts and about 25 comments or more from well-wishers. He's made announcements like this before but never with a target date, so I knew he was serious. I also was privy to the fact that he was in a desperate situation bc he'd written me a few days ago asking if I would take his beloved cat while he looked for a place to live. And just as my hubby and I were discussing how we'd make that work, Blondie wrote me he was going to "try to make it work" with his ex-GF and so I wouldn't need to take his kitty after all. Raise me up and drop me, that's Blondie's MO. My BFF said, "what a douche!!!" But I know him better. He's not a douche. He's a hot mess, he doesn't know what he wants and so he's just grabbing onto anything that will stick. He's got a huge heart and hates more than anything to let anyone down, let alone hurt someone, but the truth is, he ends up hurting everyone including himself. He didn't end up with many options I guess.

I knew I had to see him and say goodbye. Five hours away might as well be five states, or five countries away as far as I was concerned. So I wrote him and asked if he was really moving and he responded right away, "yes I am". I told him I had something for him, and he responded by asking me "are YOU the gift??" with a wink emoticon. I couldn't believe it! Was he actually flirting with me?? I mean, this is the guy I've rarely spoken to for over a year because he "can't talk to me anymore". I felt myself getting excited and my hopes up. We messaged back and forth and he finally asked me if I could pick him up at 10 am.

I think you know the answer to that question!!!!

He confirmed this morning around 9:15, which honestly still surprised me, bc he's known for being a super big flake. I gave it less than a 50% chance we'd really see each other today. I expected him to say he had too much to do, blah blah blah, but he didn't.

I was sooo nervous. I looked back on these posts before I left to see when was the last time I'd seen him. Dec. 8, 2016. More than a year ago. And although we're Facebook friends and have had some communication here and there, it's been very infrequent, so seeing him today, let alone having sex with him gave me butterflies! So much time had passed, and yet another girlfriend fiasco.What if I wasn't attracted to him anymore? I had told my BFF that looking at his pics online I felt warm towards him but my lady bits weren't really tingly.

Maybe I just needed to see him in person.

*******

I wanted to chug a couple of vanilla vodka shots but I had to drive. I really could've used some liquid courage. I drove up to his apartment, saw the U-Haul, and parked across from it. And I was just putting the car into gear when I saw him hurrying in the cold to my car, and he got in. We were all smiles. We grabbed each other in a huge bear hug and didn't let go. He looked absolutely the same to me. Super long blonde mane with a black knit hat, those blue eyes behind dorky, broken black glasses that he pointed out to me later he'd super-glued in one spot. A sexy few days' ginger stubble.

Finally we parted, and I said, "I just can't believe you're really sitting here in my car!" He agreed. We talked about how long it had been--I didn't divulge the exact date--but we agreed it had been way too long.

As I drove us back to my house, he told me about his upcoming move, how he got to this point. The remark to his boss (he didn't say what it was), the break-up with the GF (he shared no details) having literally nowhere to go but his mother's, which was not exactly what he had planned for himself. He has the realization that he caused all of this. He is the common denominator. Later on when the opportunity presented itself, I said to him how he must not really want (these things) or he wouldn't sabotage them. He said about us, "we could've gone so far". Um yep we could have Blondie. You stopped it. NOT me.

On the drive to my house he commented on my cute car, how it's "so me". I currently have reindeer antlers in the windows and a red puffy "nose" on the hood grill, and I was telling him I should design  Minnie Mouse ears for each window and a red bow for the hood. He smiled and said, "you so should!!!!" and then he got quiet and I looked at him again, and he said, "I tried to be your Mickey".

LUMP IN THROAT!!!!!! WHAT DID HE JUST SAY????!!!!! HE TRIED TO BE MY MICKEY??!
WHAT DID THIS MEAN????!! OH MY GOD!!

I couldn't even react. I didn't say anything. The words just hung in the air as if they were big fluffy snowflakes drifting sideways. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. I felt an electric shock go through me.

Finally I pulled my car into my garage, and he went bounding into the house like a puppy. He kicked off his shoes and my dog ran over to him to say hi. He excitedly said his name and gave my dog affection. Then he saw one of my cats on the back of the couch, went over to her and addressed her by name too, and pet her lovingly. He remembered their names. I thought that was sweet.

It was a little awkward, and I honestly wasn't sure he wanted sex! Nor did I! I had my guard up. I didn't want to start liking him too much again. I was so glad how I really had gotten over him completely. Well, maybe I hadn't, because I'm the one that reached out to HIM to "say goodbye".

I mostly felt a longing for him. I was excited but sad at the same time, because so much time had passed, and he was moving! It was almost like, "why are we doing this? What's the point??" The chemistry was definitely very much there.He seemed very distracted by his thoughts, moving and all, so I started with asking him if I could get him anything. He said he was fine. I had a few things I had gotten him (souvenirs) I'd never given him so I suggested we go into the kitchen and I gave them to him. I told him laughingly that it seemed every time I'd gotten him something, he would write me and say he couldn't talk to me bc he had this new GF so it seemed they were bad luck charms! His face got sad and he looked down and said, "I'm so sorry", and I said lightly, "that's ok". I made a joke of it. He loved them though. He seemed very moved.

I told him how I noticed in his Facebook pics of his trip to Mexico, he's wearing the tank top I got him so long ago. He said excitedly, "That's my favorite shirt!!!" We both beamed.

We awkwardly stood in the kitchen looking at each other, smiling, and he was kind of floating and twirling around, and I finally said, "what do you want to do?" He said, "ANYTHING!! I'm up for anything!" and he came over and hugged me tightly, and I felt his hard dick pressed up against me as he held me. He pulled away slightly and began to kiss me deeply. Mmmm it was delish. Then he let go and skipped down the hall towards the staircase, and pointed up with a devilish grin, his eyebrows asking me, "can we go up here??" I laughed and followed him. I reminded him of when he was on crutches and leapt up and down them previously. He smiled at the memory and said, "oh YEAH!!! I REMEMBER THAT!!!" He stopped at the top of the stairs to pet my other cat, and it was so cute how he remembered his name too.

He made a bee-line into my bedroom next, and plopped himself down on my bed like he owned it. Fully clothed. I said I had to get the ambiance "just right" and he joked, "ABSOLUTELY!!" I lit a candle and looked for a playlist on my phone, and turned on the bluetooth speaker. I told him how I was going to buy him tickets to his favorite group Odesa for his birthday but he went back to his girlfriend so I didn't buy them. He said, "oh my god were you going to take me??" I said, "Of course! They were playing in Madison the day before your birthday!" He put his arm across his face and said, "oh my god, wow, really? sigh". Yep Blondie, you missed out.

He beckoned me, "come over here!" and I obeyed. I laid down next to him; he put his arms around me and just hugged me again. So tightly. And hugging led to kissing, and next his hand was slowly caressing my leg, my butt, my back, every part of me. Like I was a Ferrari, you know? Have you ever touched a Ferrari?? You stroke it gently, lovingly, not wanting to scratch it. It's the most unbelievable thing you've ever seen and can't believe you're touching it. Every inch of it is a miraculous thing to behold. That's how I felt. Like a prized luxury car.

Or a Queen.

Somehow I managed to squeeze in saying, "Groping through clothes is the best! don't you think?" And he purred in agreement and kept on touching me, till finally all I wanted to do was rip our clothes off. So that's what we did ;) Blondie unzipped his pants and pulled them down to show me his welcoming big, thick stiff dick and smiled. I swiveled around and took off my socks one-by-one, my leggings, and then my top and just had on a matching silver bra and thong. He pulled off his sweater and shirt and voila, there was a fully naked Blondie in my bed. I told him I just couldn't believe he was there. He said softly, "me neither!", and everything accelerated from there...

He was passionate without being grabby. I'd forgotten what a great lover he is, and I mean specifically in that way. He's very passionate, not grabby at all, in fact, he is SO not goal-oriented at all. I feel like he makes love, not "has sex" with me. Everything that happens is organic. He doesn't really talk except to moan or say my name as he's moaning. One time I was on top of him and he was fucking me hard from underneath him, and he slowed himself down and told me, "close your eyes. I want you to FEEL ME." and I did. And once again he said it, "feel me". And as soon as I let myself feel him with my eyes closed, I burst into tears. I was feeling too much. I made myself stop as quickly as I could so he wouldn't see.

After that amazing move, he moved me gently off of him and laid my down next to him, spooning. He caressed my body and his hand moved down to insert his fingers into my vagina and I swear he got me really turned on that way. Like everything else he does, it was slow and sensual. I loved it. Some guys just jam their fingers in you and think you like that (insert laughing-till-crying emoji here). He doesn't do that. He's gentle. It's like he caresses the outside of my pussy while he's putting them inside all at the same time. It feels amazing. And he doesn't "feel around in there" like he's looking for a lost penny. (Why do guys do that???) I wish I could tell him all this!

He flipped me over and fucked me hard on top. I loved the eye contact. That's the best. So intense. I hate when guys have their eyes closed more than they're looking at you bc otherwise it feels like they're just fantasizing about some other chick (or porn) while I'm the one who's naked. He would fuck me hard and as he did, that long blonde mane would hang down and I'd grab it and pull on it, or brush it out of his face. And my favorite is when he'd flip it himself out of the way. Just like a fucking sexy caveman. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I ordered him, "FUCK ME BLONDIE!! FUCK ME HARD!!!' He brought out the animal in me.

I straddled him and climbed on him so that I put my pussy right in his face. He ate me out appreciatively, and I then moved down and "tittie-fucked" him. He said he'd never done that before! I thought about his ex-girlfriends' A-cup tits and said, "you gotta have big ones for it!" LOL I rubbed my pussy on his thigh and told him I was going to dry-hump him and we were both going to cum like that. We almost did. Almost. It was naughty and fun.

Then I just gave him the royal treatment. I licked him up and down slowly and gently, avoiding his dick, up and around his balls, the inside of his thighs, his tummy, and stroked him gently with my hands while he laid there alternatively watching and not, his eyes closed in ecstasy. He moaned my name over and over. Finally I took his dick in my mouth and teased the tip, making it super wet with my saliva. He squirmed in delight and grabbed me by my hair and pulled it hard, pulling me on top of him, sticking that big fat cock of his inside me and fucking me so hard he came. I loved it when he said, "omg (my name) I'm coming" with that orgasmic "O" face. What's more fun than seeing THAT??!!

Another thing I love about sex with Blondie is he stays rock hard after he comes, and we just keep fucking. We don't stop. Usually he comes again within minutes, but this time he didn't. He slowed down and I felt him pull himself out, his hands on my torso, and he laid me gently down next to him. I got up and got us a towel, and he was smiling and saying, "OH MY GODDDD" over and over. Then he said, "Come back", and reached for me and held me. I wanted to keep it light so at some point I said, "do you remember the jalapeno incident??" And he laughed so loud and hard. "YESSSS!!!! OH MY GOD!!" We both laughed.

His dick was still straight up in the air like a ruler and I was still super turned on. He asked me to keep touching it (my pleasure!!! LOL) and I dribbled a little bit of lube on it and he purred, "mmm perfect" and we touched it together. I was so ready to keep fucking. I still hadn't come. I got so close so many times but I hadn't. We laid there playing with his cock for a little while, then unfortunately, he took our hands off and apologized for stopping. He said he was "distracted" by all the stuff he has to do, and he's also emotional about the move and all. Would I just hold him? ("consolation prize") LOL

It was all good though, because we talked. And he said some amazing things to me. He said he felt like we have such a strong connection, he feels we will always see each other again. I agreed. I said, "I now have total faith that I will see you again." And I do. And then I took a risk and said, "you know, I don't even really get jealous when you have a girlfriend bc I want you to be happy. I just hate that you cut me out when you do. Because I'm your friend first." He said, "I know, I'm sorry". I said, "you know Blondie, there are girls out there who will understand. You just have to know what you want and tell them." He said, "I know, I know." I felt like I was lecturing him but I had to get it out. This was my last chance. I said further, "you've gone through how many girlfriends now and look at us! Even when you have a girlfriend we still have that connection Blondie!" He was holding me as we were talking, naked and warm, and it was intense and emotional. "I know! I know!" he agreed. "you're so right!" So I said, "you can have both. You just have to know what you want and ask for it." I wanted him to know it IS possible. We laid there, just holding each other. I said, "that's what I have. We have a great marriage" then realized I needed to lighten up and said, "everyone should be like this because it's so awesome!" We laughed and he kissed me and snuggled me to let me know everything was all right. It was perfect.

He said he was hungry and was craving "Arby's". Said he saw it on the way over and so we decided we'd get it for him, so after a bit I proclaimed, "let's go!". He looked at me like he was making mental note of my face, the way you see them do in the movies when that person knows they're never going to see you again. I melted and said, "one last naked hug! Because naked hugs are the BEST!!!" and that's what we did. We held each other, neither wanting to let go. And then it occurred to me, 'TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE ANNA!!!!" And he's always let me take lots of pics so I said, "Selfie???" and he said, "sure!!!" So I took two selfie pics of us "for posterity". He trust me completely.

We kissed, then got up and dressed, and he was done first and wandered into my bathroom and just looked around. He saw the Minnie Mouse framed pic he'd given me and commented on it. He said, "You ARE Minnie" with a smile. We went downstairs and he gave a look around like it was the last time he'd ever see it, and we left. He took my hand and didn't want to let go; he intertwined his fingers with mine and since I have a stick shift, I was driving with my left hand and taking it off the wheel to shift with it. So we didn't have to let go. I commented, "I've never done this! It's tricky!" but his face was calm like he was just feeling it all, not like I was doing anything as extraordinary as this. I loved how he just didn't want to let go.

We didn't unlink our hands until we stopped at Arby's, and he fed me curly fries all the way to his apartment. One time I bit his finger and he smiled, and once he left his finger in my mouth for me to suck it. It was so hot! We joked and laughed about nothing I can remember now, but it was awesome. Like we were on a date--one of the dates we'd never gotten to go on.

When I licked his fingers, I told him it reminded me of how much I miss him cooking for me. I said, "I loved it when you took a piece of the chicken and licked off the sauce and fed it to your kitty. I thought that was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen." He said, "aw, well he's a great cat." I just smiled.

We finally got to his apartment building and saw the U-Haul again. I thought he said, "come in for a bit" and I was excited! I said, "I get to say goodbye to your kitty??" He said, "oh no, he's not here. He's at my co-worker's where I've been staying the last few days." I said, "Oh! Awww" sadly. I followed him to the U-Haul where he opened up the door, put in the bag of food and the bag of souvenirs I'd gotten him, and he turned and faced me and said, "this is it!"  He said something about having to go see his ex-co-worker who he was living with; he was going to get him so he could help him move more of his things. "Oh", I said, a little deflated bc I'd apparently misunderstood him. He just stared at me, and I smiled and said, "well best of luck Blondie, drive safe, keep in touch" and he said, "I will Anna, I will". We kissed a deep longing kiss, parted, and he said, "thank you for everything Anna. I appreciate you so much". I said, stupidly, "thank YOU honey" and felt instantly stupid and like "what the fuck did I say honey for???" I went up on my tip toes and kissed him again, and I turned and walked to my car.

I got in and as I put the car in gear, I saw him drive past me on the street, not looking back.

New Guy steps up

After a two-month lull, New Guy is back and more attentive than ever. Seems he had a lot going on--a new full-time job as well as he and his roommate moved to a new apartment. I have a genuine fondness for him and he is really starting to grow on me. He is SOOOO different from Blondie it makes me realize that Blondie would have to change like 180 degrees for me to ever take him back.

I had driven the 25 min drive to his new place, and he had been messaging me the whole time. He was telling me where to park and also that he wanted to watch "Game of Thrones" with me and his roommate! I should suffice this by saying he and his roommate are childhood friends and he has always wanted me to meet him. (No funny business. He's not that way). What I'm saying is, he is wanting me to be more like a girlfriend. He had wanted me to stay and get food and watch the show with them, he wanted me to spend the night. He didn't want me to leave, and when I explained I couldn't he understood.

And the sex is delicious. We came together! That's never happened to me, as much as everyone always says "oh coming together at the same time is amazing" well in theory it is but I kind of had to stop my orgasm so he could finish his so that kind of didn't really work, but I told him we will try again next time. We are going to keep taking it up a notch. That really excites me. I told him, "we have mad chemistry!" He giggled and agreed.

And afterwards, he asked again if I'd stay, caressing my arm. Later, in front of his roommate, he just gushed, "you're so soft! Your skin is sooo soft!!!" as he caressed my arm. Here's another example of how different he is from Blondie. He'd asked me to take them to the corner market for beer (they were both high, I was sober). So we all got in my car and New Guy just was gushing about me to his roommate. He was telling him about how I'm a singer and about my kid applying for med school. He said more than once, "isn't she gorgeous??" He complimented my car, my hair, everything about me. He reminded me of a little kid who just had his first day of kindergarten and came running home to his mom to tell her all about it. He was soooo excited to share things about me to his roommate, and we all got along great, and it was just, so so good for my soul.

And.....he's asked me several times to come visit him at his new job! He's a bartender. And he got upset when I said I'd come one day and turned out I couldn't.

This is something Blondie would never do. I was an embarrassment to him, he couldn't take me out in public, and New Guy can't wait to show me off. I knew if I just kept looking I'd find someone who would treat me the way I want to be treated. Like a princess.

 I decided right then and there to let him in.

Valentine's Day with with new Tinder guy

Valentine's Day really had nothing to do with the reason for our date--it was more it was a Tuesday, which just happened to be the best day of the week we could get together. He's free during the day and so am I! 

After our meet-and-greet coffee date on Friday, I thought about all the books I've read about "what men are really thinking" and that sort of shit and how they like to "do" for women, so knowing that JL is a sous chef (on disability right now, so P-E-R-F-E-C-T!!) so I suggested, "I'd love for you to cook for me!" He loved the idea. And most of our texts between Friday and yesterday involved decision making about what to cook for me. Not sexual flirting but everything else. I loved it. He always responded, never ghosted or went long periods of time without communicating. 

I got there soon after tennis yesterday, with a condom just in case. I wasn't really sure I wanted to fuck him or not. He was growing on me with every day that passed, he seemed so genuine and easy to be around. Not having a car, he needed to still go to the store and buy everything. So, we stood in his kitchen for about 45 min while we tried to decide what to cook. I swear I was hungry and so horny, I was ready to just say, "let's order a fucking pizza and fuck while we wait for it to get here!!" 

It was awkward going out in public with a much-younger guy. He actually got a shopping cart when we got out of my car and rode it into the store. I was so embarrassed. Mickey used to do that after he'd help me put the groceries in my car. I had a flash-back to those days and chuckled to myself. In the store, he'd ride it too, from aisle to aisle. I finally let him go off without me bc I was so uncomfortable. I'd said I was looking for truffle oil, and by the time I'd found him he was at the self-check out.

I've GOT to remember to bring my own booze when I got to these young guy's places! They never have anything remotely like what I drink. We stood in his kitchen, a cluttered kitschey place his mom owns. Yellow kitchen and bathroom tile, pink walls, little figurines everywhere, very claustrophobic. I hated it. It was offset by lots of sunlight coming in and many scattered houseplants everywhere, and of course, that hot young 24-year-old who was now wearing a black apron and cutting vegetables for me. He'd put on music from "Vengo" (hadn't heard of it) and he chatted endlessly about everything that came into his head while he chopped and sauteed. He was making "sliders" with chicken since I don't eat red meat. It was frozen and it took forever. I got there around 12:30 and we didn't eat until 4:30.

I was texting my hubby off and on while I was there, reassuring him and also giving him a play-by-play. He said "He's shy. You're going to have to make the first move". I realized he was right. JL was respectful and never once assumed he was going to get laid. He genuinely enjoyed cooking for me, and it was fun talking to him. He's so fucking smart!!! I LOVE smart guys! I realized tho I needed some liquid courage and asked him to make me something to drink. He offered me water, orange juice or soda. I was like, "eh". Then he said, "seven and seven?" I blurted out "SURE!!!!!" I have never actually had whiskey but I needed something to loosen me up. I was so uptight. There was no place to really sit either, so I felt so awkward just leaning on the kitchen counter the whole time. There were barstools, but when I'd sat down on one of them, they were too short and the counter was up to my chin. Oy. Hence the standing.

Finally, watching the chicken sauteeing and taking forever (I was STARVING) the whiskey hit me fast. He'd mixed it with grenadine and Sprite, but alas, no ice cubes LOL. He was sitting up on the corner of the counter, arms crossed, looking so fucking adorable. I just waltzed over to him and took his hands in mine, spread his legs open with mine and he leaned in and he kissed me. I let him just kiss me and kiss me and kiss me. He bit my lip and sucked it and then made his way to my neck and nibbled and kissed it and back up to my mouth again. It was SO HOT. I love making out. Sometimes I don't ever want it to lead to sex bc then they stop making out with the goal line of fucking.

It was so fun. He went back to cooking and I went back to my post and we kept chatting. Then another time I did it again. Just went over to him and started kissing. This time his hand started to roam and I let him. He moved my hand to his dick, which was quite hard now and I was getting very turned on. I let him slide his hand into my leggings where he quickly found my wet pussy. He fingered me, found my clit piercing. He pulled away from kissing me with a chuckle, "I should've guessed." I found that to be an insult of sorts somehow and pulled away from him and said,"What?? Why's that?" He just closed his eyes and smiled and kissed me to avoid answering. 

It was getting pretty intense. He cracked me up when he said, "I remember you said you liked appetizers!" and put my hand on his dick! I laughed and said, "indeed I do!!!"  I undid the button to his khakis and unzipped his zipper, but caressed his dick from outside his boxers. I love the anticipation. That's my favorite. I think he wanted me to give him a blow-job but I didn't want to, not there in that crazy-lady kitchen and not before I got my pleasure. I said, "Where's your bedroom?" And we went there. 

It was upstairs, a cute loft that badly needed upgrades, but the sunlight coming in was spectacular. He didn't really have a bed-just a mattress on the floor with a mirrored headboard on the ground leaning up against it. It looked like a teenage boy's bedroom and I caught myself actually asking him if he was "really 24" bc he could pass for 17. He assured me he was, but part of me was a little afraid the cops were going to bust in and arrest me at any second. I am not kidding. I should've made him prove it but I knew I was worried for nothing. I knew how old he was from his conversation (year he graduated high school, etc.) but idk it was a bit uncomfortable.

I could tell he wasn't very experienced and needed some direction, but I really like a guy to take charge so I didn't want to tell him to do much. He seemed awkward so I said, "whatever piece of clothing I take off, you copy!" He liked that. So the first thing to come off was my top. He didn't comply with the game right away, he seemed distracted, so I said it again playfully and started to take his black t-shirt off. He was skinnier than he appeared with his clothes on. Then I started to take off my leggings. He got the game at this point and was taking off his pants too. I said, "It's cold! I'm leaving my socks on!" and we laughed.

Finally we were down to socks and undies, and I sat down on his mattress. He'd just changed the sheets he said, and put a large dark blue towel down and I moved so he could lay it down. That annoyed me. Next thing I knew he was standing in front of me and I was kneeling, and his large hard cock was in my face. It was a pretty cock and his balls were very nice too so I showed my appreciation. He came so fast, I'd say less than 3 minutes, one and a half maybe. I swallowed it all and he moaned and grabbed by hair hard. I KNOW that was the best BJ he'd ever been given, but he didn't say so. He was not a talkative lover at all. He smiled a lot and made a lot of eye contact which I love.

He had asked about a condom and I'd already gotten it out. I didn't want to fuck him yet bc I wanted him to lick me and make me cum. He said he "didn't do that" and I said, "WHAT??!! ARE YOU SERIOUS??" and he said yeah. I said, "well you need to learn or we won't be doing this again." I don't think he believed me. But I was super horny and needed a real good pounding so I instructed  him, "Sit down". There was a green-sheeted covered futon and I wanted to fuck him. He complied but again, commented about the sheet being clean so I grabbed the blue towel and spread it down atop the green sheet. I climbed on top of him and fucked him hard. It was a great piece of furniture to fuck on! (We must get one!) I grabbed hold of the edge of the back of it and was able to really fuck him hard. I think he was amazed how long and hard I can fuck without getting tired. hehehehe

Then he flipped me over and fucked me from behind. Goddamm it I have never been fucked that hard before. I swear to God. I mean Blondie fucks me hard but never from behind. It was incredible. JL would grab my hair tight and I would like it for a little bit but then it started to hurt so I'd ask him to ease up and he always did. I liked that. Made me feel safer. He would slap my ass too as he fucked me and I loved it. Finally tho my hands would hurt from being on my knees and I wanted him to fuck me face-to-face. I was the one orchestrating our moves. I made him stop and got up from the futon and motioned for the mattress, which of course, at the same time, dragged the blue towel to it. I laid down on my back and he wanted to keep fucking me which he did. At one point he put my panties in my mouth, covering my mouth with his hand. I had never had anyone do that to me before and I felt very scared. I pushed it out right away. He didn't try to stop me, he obviously knew I didn't like it.  He fucked me SO hard and fast. I see where the term "pounding" comes from hahahahha He definitely pounded me. He was sweating and it was dripping on me body and I thought it was so hot. He was so cute. I loved seeing his face while he fucked me.

I was so horny and his fucking made me want to cum SO BAD but I had to tell him it wasn't going to happen with my legs in the air and his dick inside me. He seemed to think that's how women cum so he just kept fucking me harder and harder. He seemed surprised when I told him that. He did pull out and finger me a little but for some reason I felt like I couldn't relax, maybe it felt like he wasn't really trying and wasn't really into pleasing ME so I said, "we can stop". It was getting late anyways, and he had said his mom came home from work at 5:30 and it was already 4:30 and we hadn't even eaten the food he'd spent 3 hours cooking!! So we did, he was sweating and tired and I was too. We got up and got dressed--I didn't like the way he tossed my bra and panties to me onto his mattress instead of sexily handing them to me. I started to feel whorish and I thought, "I don't think I'm coming back here again."

He grabbed his clothes and left the room and went downstairs, and I was left alone. I got dressed and went downstairs, and I saw him in the bathroom drying himself off with a brown towel. I think he must've quick showered....?? He said something about being so sweaty (he wasn't complaining, just explaining). I thought it was odd. He dressed then quickly, came into the kitchen and prepared our plates and we went over to the same counter where I'd stood all afternoon and we devoured his chicken sliders. They were amazing. We were famished. We chatted as we ate and kept an eye on the clock. Finally it was time to leave--I was ready. I offered to do the dishes but he said nah he didn't mind. I thanked him for cooking for me and that it was awesome. He walked me to the door and we kissed a juicy deep kiss goodbye.

He's sweet, and sexy, but idk about the way he treated me. I don't like feeling like a cheap whore. I realized the biggest difference between Blondie and JL is, JL "fucks". Blondie "makes love". World of difference. 

Guess who I'd rather fuck.

Another one bites the dust

Oy vay.

Back to the drawing board.

New Guy will probably not be mentioned again after today's post. I think it's super interesting that not only could I not think of how to address him when I talked about him let alone on here was probably a premonition. I'm so annoyed. I texted him again one last time last night, I simply said, "I miss your daily phone calls. Hope all is well with you."

Crickets once again.

And what pisses me off the most is, he made a point to tell me more than once how he's the kind of person who's "so blunt it offends a lot of people" but the truth is, he's a coward and an asshole. To just ignore me is cowardice and douchebag behavior. So much for being "blunt".

I deleted all our texts so I'm not tempted to contact him again. And why would I be tempted to contact him again? Only to show my anger and contempt for him and I don't want to do that. I want to just "go away" as he's hoping I will (apparently) and take the high road. I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong. The day before he stopped responding to me we had insane video sex and he'd responded how hot and sexy I was. So whatever is causing him to act like an asshole, well, it has nothing to do with ME.

I like that I'm handling this additional rejection well. It happens so often I can't possibly take it personally. I think these young guys are mostly all talk-like Hairy Guy got cold feet at the last minute and admitted "sexting is fun but I don't think I can go through with it." I think they just like the free sexy pics and the IDEA of me. And also, I'm married. They want girlfriends they can take home to their roommates and not be embarrassed about. Once Blondie got a female roommate, he refused to have me over bc apparently, he was embarrassed of me. I refuse to be someone's embarrassment. I will keep looking until I find someone who will like me the way I am. What hurts is New Guy and I had these conversations and before we even met we both wanted the same thing. Being almost 28 he seemed more mature than Blondie (who's barely 24).

Whatever.

I'm not going to waste a minute putting myself down. I always tell myself, "If I don't have any information to go on as to why they stopped contacting me, what good does it do me to put myself down?? I mean yes, I am the common denominator. BUT both guys' last interactions with me were highly positive. So if I have no idea why they lost interest, what good does it do me to put myself down? If I have to write the story, why say "oh it's bc you're old. They saw your flab. They saw wrinkles. I'm not 24." blah blah blah Why not tell myself, "They stopped contacting me bc they couldn't handle me?" and "they're immature" and "probably want a girlfriend/marriage/babies and I can't give them that."

It saves my ego and it's probably the truth. But there's really no excuse for just "ghosting" someone you've been involved with except to label that person a douchebag.

At least Blondie always wrote me and told me why he couldn't see me. He gave me that. He has never ghosted me. And he's younger than New Guy. And here I thought NG would be more mature.
Apparently, age is not an indicator of douche'ness.

Sigh.

Happy Monday y'all.

Hot virtual sex with New Guy!

The same day Blondie dumped me yet again, I had a visitor in the afternoon that was just what the doctor would've ordered----New Guy. He stopped by on his way home from his work break. He works like 2 miles from me! How convenient is THAT?!?!? Now remember, this is only the second time I've ever seen him in person. He caught me off-guard--I hadn't showered (I typically don't if all I'm doing is housework) so I was like eh, gimme 5 minutes to make myself somewhat presentable??! He was like I'm sure you look beautiful.

Awww.....yesssss. Thank you. I very much needed that today mister.

He's a chef in an Italian restaurant and primarily makes a lot of pizzas he was telling me, and therefore, that explained the flour on his Converse shoes. He looked adorable. Same red knit cap on, jeans that are way too baggy, and a jacket bc well, it's January. He came in and he was SUCH a gentleman. I believe I hugged him when he came in, but otherwise, he kept a good distance between us. I have to tell you he wasn't just there to see ME. He was buying pot off me. I buy it like once a year and forgot I even had it, and since he's a huge pot smoker, he offered to buy it from me so I was like, "sure, if I can find it!!" I knew I had it hidden from my kid somewhere in my closet. I found it and had brought it downstairs for him.

He didn't stay long, I'd say maybe 15-20 min. He told me it was "great shit" and how I was over-charged for it but that it was def "great shit". We talked about his work, I showed him what I'd been doing (working on the band's set list) and my dog approved and the two of them bonded. I was nervous as a schoolgirl (how cliche is THAT??!!) but his smile melted me. When he walked to the door to leave, he gave me that smile, and next thing I know, we're kissing so passionately, and as I press my body up against his, I feel his hard cock up against my groin and I realized I was instantly wet for him. I wanted him. It wasn't forced, it was genuine.

When we broke apart, it was awkward and fun. I'm sure my face was bright red with embarrassment. But it was awesome, bc I finally felt the chemistry I'd wanted to feel for him. He's worming his way into my heart. AND my pants LOL

Speaking of pants....

*******

The next day he called me (he calls me almost every day! I love it!) and he wanted to video call me and masturbate together! I was like SURE!!!! OKAY!!! I said I wanted to shower first and get prettied up.

I did, and put on a pretty red push-up bra and red thong, and texted him, "Ready!" And my phone rang immediately.

It was the first time I ever even saw him with his shirt off and without a knit cap! There was so much skin suddenly. It was a bit shocking but he was very pretty. He's lankier than he seems in clothes (must get him to get rid of those baggy jeans!!) and he's very sexy! A truly beautiful and hairless body (the way I love it!), long blonde hair but not as long as Blondie's. A small hoop earring in each ear. Blue eyes and full lips, and tattoos on his arms. He seemed very skilled at holding his cell phone while masturbating! The view was scrumptious. Beautiful big stiff cock and a wicked smile on his face at the same time. I posed for him and he'd purr, "mmmmm you're soooo beautiful" and "show me that pussy". It was fun pleasing him, and as he stroked his cock, I masturbated at the same time with one of my vibrators. He mostly complimented me while he stroked and moaned, occasionally giving me directions on what he wanted me to do. It was so fun. He started to cum and then I came with him. It made me def want to be with him as soon as possible.

The next day he wanted a repeat performance, as we still couldn't get together, and we were all set when my daughter came home unexpectedly early from school. Thank God he wasn't HERE!! I told him, 'you're on your own today I'm afraid mister" and asked if he'd like some sexy pics to assist. He said, "please???!!!" So I obliged, and posed for maybe 5-6 pics and snapchatted them to him. He screenshot nearly all of them.

And I'm pained to report, I've hardly heard from him since. I know that was only 2 days ago, but there's an obvious drop in his attention. He only texted me a couple times yesterday, and gave me the, "I lost my phone till just now" excuse, which I have used myself when I feel guilty at not writing back someone I don't really want to talk to. Then after a long lag time after my response (which I made light of it) he wrote, "I'll text you after work." My BFF said, "Don't respond for at least an hour. Find out if he really wants to talk to you. He'll double-triple text if he does." Which is what he usually does! He'll send 5-6 texts back-to-back. 

He didn't, and I took longer than an hour to respond, which he'd just written, "how are ya" (no punctuation ever, drives me crazy),  and I'd just said, "I'm good hun how's your day been" (no punctuation either). 

That was 6:16 pm last night. It's now almost 9 am and nothing. I sent him a silly snapchat last night of my dinner and he hasn't even opened it! So I'm sad and hurting and trying to decide, "do I text first again??? Do I wait? Do I send him another snapchat?? And while I'm thinking all this, I actually do nothing. If he misses me he will write me.

And lastly, I got yet another snapchat from Blondie yesterday. Two videos. He sends them to me and then also posts them to his "story". Which is bad snapchat etiquette, but he doesn't know any better, and it makes me happy so fuck etiquette!!! It lets me know he is thinking about me and wants to make sure I see it. I honestly don't know why he is so attentive now that he's dumped me. Maybe bc I didn't react the way he's used to girls reacting??? I don't make him feel guilty or get all cray. Or beg him to change his mind. Hmmm.. I am thinking he will date this new chick but like with Piggy Face, he thought of me the entire time he was with her, and still wanted to talk to me and fuck me.

I just have to be patient, and keep looking elsewhere. I would love to fall for New Guy, but this sudden lack of attention makes me feel like I need to get back on Tinder. 

Sigh.

Dumped again

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

We've got so much catching up to do!!

HOLY SHIT WHERE DO I START!?!?!?

Wow so my birthday was Thursday, very nice day, over 150 Facebook wishes and messages, and yes, Blondie did finally write me. I decided I would use that moment to write him further. Prodded by my BFF, I thanked him for the birthday wishes, and added a congrats to him on getting his new job, the one that will keep him from moving to Colorado! The next morning he thanked me and we wrote back and forth chit-chat off and on all morning. Finally, I poked him around 10:30 am the day after my birthday, "You should be inside me. Come over."

How would YOU react if someone you (apparently) really liked and had had a sexual relationship with wrote that to you??  Well, he responded first with, "haha hey now, I'm working."  A couple hours later I wrote simply, "when next then?" with a kissy face emoticon.

And that's when the shit hit the fan.

He waxed on about how he won't be able to "for awhile"--that there's someone else he's been talking to and "I can't do two things at once" That it makes him uncomfortable and "I know she wouldn't like it.' How the fuck would he know that???!!

He went on. Stab, stab, stab.

"I'm sorry. It just messes with me to do that to someone. If (sic) love to have a relationship. And this one had her eyes on me and I would be lying to say I didn't have mine on her."

I wanted to say, "go fuck yourself Blondie" but my dignity wouldn't allow it. I simply said, "well you def have to pursue that then! I totes get it....hopefully you and I will get to play again in the future." And he proceeded to send me a snapchat video right at that moment. And a few since.

I'm not ever going to be that crazy ex-girlfriend. And I know he will come back. He always does. Because like the Avril Lavigne song my band is doing right now, "Every second I'll be wrapped around your finger, cuz I can, cuz I can do it better, there's no other, so when's it gonna sink in, she's so stupid what the hell were you thinking!!!" --Girlfriend

**********

Post-Birthday notes

I kind of got what I wanted for my birthday yesterday--Blondie did finally write me around 5:30 pm, "I hope you have a great birthday (my name)" I wrote back, "thanks babe" with a kiss emoticon. He still hasn't read it. And then, around 9:00 I added, "congrats on the job that's awesome" because he'd posted a few days ago he got the job that will keep him here instead of moving to Colorado! And he's online right now, and still hasn't read those last two messages. So I went from ecstatic to down, and that's what he does to me. I AM happy he wrote me though, and I've learned with him that he WILL eventually always contact me, and when I see him, he will fill in all the blanks. It's just not enough for me. I want more. I ache for him, but if it's not both ways, I really can't keep doing this.

And New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me all day, sent me snapchats, complimented me, and even called me. We weren't able to see each other but it was ok bc there was no expectation that we would. He worked a long 10 hour day (he's a chef) and I had plans with my hubby and daughter.

And I'm not closing myself of to other guys yet. I'm still not sure about him. Our phone call was so awkward--I can't quite explain it. I think he makes me feel defensive. He's "all in" with me and I'm so hesitant. I was telling my hubby how Rocker Boy sent me a birthday message yesterday-I hadn't remembered but HE did that it was HIS birthday yesterday too! So he and I were chatting a bit, and I posted a pic of the two of us from that gig I met him at (and kissed him!) and I told my hubby how I had crazy chemistry for him the moment I laid eyes on him. And when he wrote me, all I wanted to do was fuck him.  And with New Guy, I just don't feel it yet. And he IS sexy and doing all the right things. My feelings for Blondie wouldn't stop me from fucking Rocker Boy, so that was kind of a light bulb moment. It's not that I'm soooo into Blondie apparently, maybe I'm just not that into New Guy.

Or I wonder if maybe I know I won't fall in love with Rocker Boy, I'll just have a splendid good time with him, and if I get naked with NG, I WILL fall in love and that's what scares me. And stupid Blondie doesn't even know or care how I feel about him and obviously it's wasted emotion the way I feel about him.

Have a great weekend sexy peeps! Wear your condoms! Be honest! Have fun!

What I want for my birthday

The day after a first date is always the barometer of how it went, and New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me first thing in the morning, and last thing at night (didn't call me though! First day he didn't call! But he worked a 10 hour day so it's ok!!) He was also the first person to wish me a happy birthday. Yes, today is my birthday! And my heart is heavy because the one person I want to be with today just posted a snapchat of himself and his adorable cat to his story, but didn't send it to ME.

And I refuse to open his snapchat stories. He's not looking at mine anymore, for about 3-4 days now, and he STILL hasn't responded since his, "I go in at 12:30" text last Monday. I KNOW I need to get over him!!! I KNOW THAT!!!! But DOING it is something else altogether.

I'm pouring all the energy that I would be wasting on Blondie into New Guy. It's so funny, I really need to figure out what to call him, not just on this blog but in reality! I am calling him by the nickname his friends gave him but it feels strange, and I can't call him by the same name as my hubby. I mean of course I can, but his Facebook is filled with his friends calling him by his nickname. Last night I asked him what his middle name is, and it sounds African-American, and he is very Caucasian and blonde, so that name doesn't fit either!!

I love how I can tell NG (for "new guy" until I come up with something better) how I REALLY feel, and he is so easy to talk to. For example, he didn't understand why I wouldn't just come over and hang out. He said, and I quote, "If you don't want to fool around yet that has nothing to do with where we hang out. I will respect you. So don't automatically think that you coming over means sex. We can just cuddle and watch TV. Whenever you're ready for anything else, we can cross that bridge then." And I really do know he'd honor that. He's not one of those slimy types that think once they get you into their apartment they pounce.

He asked me, "what are you waiting for?" in response to him saying he feels "a lot of chemistry" for me. Before I had a chance to respond, he wrote, "I wasn't ready to hold hands yet." That shocked me! We ARE awkward together, but isn't that how it usually is when you're getting to know someone??!! I think for me, I usually either feel it 100% or not at all. I told him about a guy I went out on a first Tinder date with last year--he was the guy who was super cute, had a cat and an apartment and it was when Blondie had just dumped me to "pursue" Piggy Face. I wanted SO badly to like him. We met at a bar, had 2 glasses of wine, and felt nothing. I even went back to his apartment, met his cat, we chatted, and I still felt nothing. It's like I'm back there again with this new guy. I hate it!! I hate the hold Blondie has on me. He makes me so crazy and I'm sick of losing opportunities to be with someone else who will treat me right bc I am stuck on him.

And I love how you, my dear readers and anonymous friends, challenge me to ask myself why I keep giving him so many chances. And the thing is, we've been friends for almost 2 years, and lovers off and on for a year. I know, I know, there was that 8 month period where I didn't hear from him at all because he was with Piggy Face, but when they broke up he told me how he never stopped thinking about me and how badly he has wanted me all along. And we have an AMAZING connection, and I've never had sex like that with anyone. You know how that is---it creates a longing and desire for them very much like a drug and all I want is more more more. BUT if he doesn't feel the same way, which apparently, he does and he doesn't, sitting around waiting for him is just plain stupid.

Oh, and I have thought long and hard about my sudden burst-into-tears spell yesterday. I think it was so obvious I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. It was really as simple as I really wished I'd been kissing Blondie instead. And how hurt I feel that he doesn't feel the same way. I am, without realizing it, grieving for him. I have SUCH longing for him and it hurts deep to my core. I HAVE to let go and let this new guy give me what I really want and need. He is willing to take things slow and wants everything I want. I just have to let go of Blondie to let it all happen. 

Today is my birthday! I'm going to squeeze in seeing NG. That will make me happy. I'm not going to let Blondie's lack of contact ruin my day. He thought my birthday was Sunday and he DID call me and wish me a happy birthday.

Have a good day everyone!

Blondie disappoints again and someone new to fill the void?

My dear sexy readers, you may be happy to hear that I am meeting someone new today!!! He's a musician, and we have about 30 mutual Facebook friends. We met on Tinder LOL but I'm sure our paths would've crossed in a bar or stage eventually!

 We've been talking to now for about oh maybe 6 months, but my initial attraction waned quickly with every political post he'd made. A staunch conservative, we began arguing publicly and it really almost got ugly. We couldn't be more opposite, and as the election got closer, and of course, when his candidate won, he gloated and I realized I could never date him.

And I really can't remember what the turning point was for me--most likely, it was his persistence. Combined with a lack of persistence on Blondie's part, he just kind of got under my skin. He made himself impossible to ignore.

And he wasn't kidding when he told me he is blunt. He has challenged me and said things to me no guy has ever said. And he calls me every day! Blondie has called me, but every day?? And this guy isn't a schmoozer. It's like he's got an ego as big as mine, and he is tough. He doesn't lay on the compliments easily, it's like I have to work for them, and apparently, I like the challenge as well! It was interesting to find out he's an Aquarian like me! He said he'd never met another Aquarian. I've only met one, and that was in high school. So we must be rare and strange creatures indeed.

I'm not sure I'm physically attracted to him which is the problem. In some pics he's hot and in some he's not. He's 27 (going to be 28) and what I DO like is he is all in. He's a great communicator. Not like Blondie. He actually told me, "I'm not so sure about you. I feel like this is one-sided, and I'm just here to entertain you." WOW WHAT???!!!!! I couldn't even answer. He went on, "I write you and write you and send you snapchats and you look at them and don't send anything back." And guess what---this is what Blondie does to ME!!!!!! And I'm so frustrated with him, and here I'm doing that to someone else???!!! I was like "whoa!!"!!

I confessed to him that I have someone else. That things aren't going as well as I'd like but that I'm pretty attached to him, so I'm sorry when I'm flaky, it's because I'm either crazy busy with my life (not an excuse he said) or talking to him. He thanked me for telling him, but he challenged me further to explore what I want from HIM and if I've got room in my life for him.

And I realize that he's everything I've been looking for, which is mainly, a great communicator. I feel shallow and hollow talking to him and I feel like I've met myself. Have you ever met anyone that made you feel that way?? I feel like if I let him in, TRULY let him in, I will fall harder than I've ever fallen for anyone, and he will either break me in two or make me the best person I could ever be. Or break me making me that person. I realize right now, writing about him, that I'm terrified. I can't wait to tell him.

After days of arguing about how we will meet, I agreed I'd meet him at his apartment, but I wouldn't go in. I am merely picking him up and we are going to walk to a nearby restaurant for lunch. Why did we argue about where to meet you may ask?? Well, I'm a girl (DUH) and wanted to meet him in a public place, and he thought it was silly. So we argued about that. He was just like, "REALLY?!??! We've been talking for half a year and you think I'm a serial killer?" He was insulted. I stood my ground. I said, "You're a stranger. I don't care how long I've been talking to you. I don't know you."
He got it, but then I said the real truth--"it's not that I really think you might hurt me, although that is a real possibility. The truth is, what if I'm not attracted to you? What if we have no chemistry? I don't want to be stuck at your apartment trying to get away. I want to be able to leave when and if I want to leave." He softened and said with all his bravado, "well, that ain't gonna happen because we already have crazy chemistry." I laughed and said, "we'll see mister."

I guess I need a name for him, because I think you'll be hearing a lot about him, but I will wait until after we meet.

****************

I am leaning towards this guy primarily because Blondie is just driving me crazy with his hot and cold, and after yesterday, I feel like I am ready to scream at him. And I don't want to scream at him, because of course I don't want to do anything to push him away, but when I see the lack of communication from him and that insane command of communication from this new guy, it just makes me limp with exhaustion. Yesterday was a prime example.

Sunday night, yet again, Blondie messages me around 10 o'clock a "happy birthday" (it's actually not till Thursday) and that he's sorry he couldn't "cum" (sic) to the party my friends threw for me that day. So that led to, "I'm alone, you should come over." I said, "I can't tonight, sorry" as I was drunk and trying to sober up, in my jammies drinking Sprite on the couch. (the party was epic BTW). Then as quickly as he asked me over, he says, "oh my roommate home now, I was alone." I didn't respond. Then I just wrote something like, 'Oh Blondie, you know how badly I want to fuck you. Come over tmrw at 11:00 (am)". He said, "I will be there."

And then he wrote he was going to Urgent Care in the morning and would come by after. I said, "Urgent care???! OMG why??!!" Seemed a strange pairing. ER visit and hot sex. Hmm. Okayyy?!?! He said he has a hernia and has to see the dr. No further explanation. So I said, "Ok, well sorry to hear but yeah! I'll be here! Can't wait to see you!"

I had told him I had tennis until 10:30 but that I'd be home and showered by 11-ish. And when I'd finished tennis and hadn't yet heard from him, I knew he wasn't going to end up coming over. I just knew it. I didn't want to be the first one to write him, but I needed to know if he was coming over or not, because if he wasn't, I wouldn't shower, I'd get my house cleaned and shit. So I just wrote, "Just finished tennis. How'd it go at the doctor?" He wrote right back, "I go at 12;30." 

I wish I'd waited to respond or not respond at all. I processed this new info and my mind just quickly surmised it to mean, "I won't be able to see you now." Of course he didn't actually SAY that. I had to figure it out on my own. So stupidly and too quickly, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I just said. "that's good! Gotta take care of yourself" and then, "well poopy you won't get to see me then."

And when I told my BFF about this convo, she was furious. She said, "That's it??!! He never responded??" I said, "nope". And he still hasn't. She said, 'You can't make appointments at the urgent care. He could've gone a different time." So then I started to stew, and smoke began to come out of my ears, and I began to feel furious and stupid.

And unappreciated, and taken for granted, because without more information, why would I feel any differently?? How hard would it have been to say, "I'm sorry, that's the only time they could get me in, it sucks!! When are you free next??" And since that STILL hasn't happened, I've decided not to invest any more energy into him. If he wants me, he's going to have to do better.

If I'd waited to respond, and had taken time to process his answer, I would've called him on it. I would've said something more along the lines of, "hmmm that's interesting bc I'm pretty sure Urgent Care doesn't make appointments." And made him defend himself. He's just too much work.

I'm getting really excited to meet this new guy today. Apprehensive and excited at the same time.

Today may be, as Dr. Phil says, "a changing day" for me.

Hot and Cold, Yes and No

It's been an exciting few days as Blondie drunk video called me Sunday night! OMG it felt like a turning point in our "relationship". I say that in quotes because I'm not really sure what it is we have! He's so hot and cold, just like the Katy Perry song I sing with my band. He makes me insane with his on and off.

He was definitely ON. I could see him but there was no sound so I hung up and he called me back (non-video call this time). He was breathy and sexy and he said things to me he's never said, and it was epic.

"I CRAVE you", he purred. "You DO??" I responded, clearly shocked and delighted at his revelation. "YES I CRAVE YOU....ALL THE TIME.....AND YOUR BED..." he slowly revealed, "IS....MMMM....THE ONLY PLACE I EVER WANT TO BE".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was literally squirming in my recliner. I wasn't drunk, and actually didn't know he was until the next day. My mind was spinning hearing him say all these things to me. Now you have to remember, I will go a month without hearing a peep from him. So his words were contradicting his behavior. He mind-fucks me constantly. I never have known how he's felt about me since day one. It's like when he's with me he's all in. He is 100% sincere: he's very child-like and such a hippy, wears his heart on his sleeve when he's talking about anyone and everyone else, but has never really given me any inkling into what I mean to him.

And I know what you're thinking--he was just horny.

I know that. And I also know that who you drunk dial is who you truly love.

When I've been drinking he's my go-to. In fact, I have drunk-texted him so many times in the last couple weeks, and he always reads them immediately but then doesn't respond! The last drunk-text I sent was last Saturday night, our band had a show and just before we went onstage, I wrote him, "wish you were here!" and "showtime!!! wish me luck!!" and he reads them immediately but never responds! Why can't he just say, "good luck! wish i could be there!!!" I am going to fucking ask him all these questions next time we're together.

And speaking of getting together, he was purring into the phone that he wanted me to come over. 'RIGHT NOW". Well fuck I had to say I couldn't!! It was midnight, and I was home with my daughter, and how the hell would I explain where I was going all dolled-up at midnight?? RIGHT??!! But it was sooo wonderful being asked. I loved that he wanted me that badly.

So we made plans for him to come over in the morning, after she went to school. He said how much he wanted to take a bath again, and I'm quoting here, how he wanted to "give me the loving I deserved". Now that's the SECOND time he's said that to me! The last time he WASN'T drunk!
So anyways, he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:00 o'clock (am)." I responded, "oh no, my daughter is still here. She leaves at 7:20. Come at 7:30!" Then he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:30." So I said, "AWESOME!" and then he said, "OK, so I'm going to leave here at 7:30." He was getting mixed up. It was cute. He kept doing that. I'd correct him and say, "no no, Blondie, GET here at 7:30." He'd say then, "so I'll leave here at 7:30." Then he said 8:00. And finally when we hung up, we had confirmed he'd be here at 8:00.

After we hung up I raced upstairs and was up past 1 am scrubbing my bathroom sink and tub.

And then in the morning, my daughter told me she wasn't going to school.

Yeah.

"The best laid plans".

I hated telling him he couldn't come over. It was 6:45 am. So we decided to get a hotel room that night. He loved the idea, even tho he admitted he didn't have the money for it, I said no problem my treat this time. We actually sexted a bit which he never does. I told him hubby was out of town all week and we could spend as much time together as we want. We made plans to meet at a cute Mexican restaurant at 6:00 and have a drink first.

He cancelled at 11:45 am, saying he wasn't feeling well. Hungover. So we said "tomorrow night" instead. I didn't have to pay for the room bc I was able to reschedule the reservation.

And then Tuesday morning, he cancelled again. Said he was doing a painting job and it would be probably the next night too. I waited about 3 hours to respond and just said something like "well I know you want to see me so let me know when you're free next!" He read it immediately but like usual, didn't respond.

So fucking frustrating. But it's ok. I've gained a few pounds over the holidays and that gives me time to slim down a bit and get my Brazilian waxing (I was due!!) before I see him hopefully next week.
I really plan on asking him what his deal is next time we're together. I don't get the lack of responses to my texts, and honestly, I need more from him than I'm getting.

And what he may not realize is, there's always someone waiting in the wings to be that guy for me. I just always want him more and push every other guy away, but if Blondie truly feels something for me, he needs to start showing it bc I'm losing my patience. My heart can't take this up and down.

"You're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white
We fight we break up
We kiss we make up

You don't really wanna stay,no
But you don't really wanna go oh
Cuz you're hot then you're cold
You're yes and you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down"

Is your pussy dry? Here's why!

I had a lightbulb moment watching the news this morning.

DEAR READERS PLEASE READ THIS!!!!! THIS MAY BE A LIFE-CHANGING POST FOR YOU!!!

News shows are notorious for their pharmaceutical ads, and I saw an ad fora pill for post-menopausal women.The woman in the commercial is definitely a MILF. She sensually looks at the camera and purrs, "Sex after menopause...it shouldn't have to hurt" as she's writhing on a bed, toying with the collar of  her white button-down blouse. The camera zooms in on her left hand to show us a wide, gold wedding band. She's SO hot, and she easily looks little older than 40. Google tells me that the average age of menopause is 51.

The ad flashes to another woman with equally long hair, way beyond her shoulders like the first actress, only it's all grey. (AN OLD WOMAN!). We don't really see her close up, but she's swaying sexually too. She doesn't get to say anything. She just sashays erotically. Both women are in fantastic physical shape.

I felt compelled to watch it several times. First of all you need to know how much I despise "Big Pharm" so I have a cynical response regardless, but this really irked me. Why did they have to show a wedding ring?? REALLY?!?!?!?! With all the TV shows on Netflix that are too sexual for me to watch with my teenage daughter, you're going to get all moral on us??? Or is there a deeper message there??

AND THERE IS!!!!!!!!!!!

It all clicked for me.

Menopausal vaginal dryness/pain is a married woman's affliction.

Read that sentence again. I'll paraphrase.

Women in long-term marriages have vaginal pain when they fuck their husbands.

This vaginal pain is caused by a lack of lubrication.

It is a biological fact that the female body creates vaginal lubrication when aroused. 

Menopausal women can't get wet to fuck their husbands because they simply aren't aroused!

The extent to which a woman "gets wet" is our version of a hard dick. The harder a man's dick is, the more aroused he is. Simple fucking fact. Can anyone deny that truth???

When a woman is aroused, her body gets ready for penile penetration by creating its own lubricant, heretofore known as "getting wet". Not to sound scientific or anything, it's just a simple fact. Men get hard, women get wet. If a woman's not getting wet, or a man's not getting hard, guess what folks!!! THEY'RE NOT TURNED ON!!!!!

Now of course I'm generalizing. Do not think for a moment that I'm insensitive to the ill or elderly, or people who suffer from real afflictions that cause soft dicks and dry pussies even when aroused. Of course there is scientific data that shows that as women age, the ovaries produce less of the female hormone estrogen, which can lead to thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls, and I believe as men age and their testosterone levels drop, it can wreak all sorts of havoc on a person's sex life. Having said that, I am GENERALIZING.

And I feel like a bit of an expert on the subject, as I am married in a long-term marriage, and I'm post-menopausal (I went into menopause at 42!!). And I am always buying lube; I have always enjoyed using it during foreplay (and after) and never really stopped to think about whether I really needed it or not. It's just so much fun when it's things get a little slippery!!

When I saw this commercial the other morning, my brain went into overdrive, and it occurred to me that I have never used lube with Blondie, except the very first time we had sex at his apartment. I bought a bottle of lube and gave it to him as a gift, just assuming I would need it! And it was fun to play with, but I realized that every time he fucked me, I was already soaked. What clinched it for me was realizing that last week he slid his dick inside me while we were taking a bath.We all know how drying bath water is, and water in general is the anti-Christ of hot sex. But it went right in, and it didn't hurt, and we fucked our brains out.

And I also realize that just texting him, talking about fucking him, seeing pics of him, and just fantasizing about him and BOOM waterworks. I. AM. READY.

Do I get this wet with my husband?? I know you want to know.

No offense to him, but I don't. But he doesn't get a hard dick for me either without warming up the engine either!  That's a 20 year marriage folks. I doubt he has any trouble with his girlfriend. We can't possibly feel that throw-me-down-on-the-kitchen-counter desire after twenty years. It just isn't possible!! Why do you think you're always hearing how couples go on vacations or try role-playing, even to the point of renewing vows to "spice things up"??? Love and sexual desire can be mutually exclusive.

There's nothing like being with a new lover. In polyamory, we call it "NRE", or "New Relationship Energy." We know it is a phase!! Some of you call it the "honeymoon" stage! And we all know it doesn't last.

And twenty years later, women are wondering why they're dried up.

Get a new lover not a pill!

I'll bet that cures it for most of you.

You're welcome.

Bubbles

I was missing Blondie badly, and it had been 3 weeks since he'd come over, and I was getting a little pissed off I hadn't heard a peep from him. So I decided to just send him a message, "Hey Blondie, what's up with you? When are we meeting up again bc I'm sure you miss me!"I wrote him at around 11:30 at night, and he wrote back first thing in the morning,"I'm off work today! I can come over right now!" I was like, "woo hoo!" and rescheduled my morning to see him.

He was messaging me, telling me he'd drank too much the night before and was 'down". I said I'd cheer him up. He asked what I wanted to do! I said, "Hmmm what would YOU like to do??" and he answered, "take a bath!" I said "awesome!" It was so cute, he video messaged me twice, and he'd never done that! It was fun. We flirted back and forth and it was so nice making that connection again with him. It was like no time had passed, and we just picked up where we left off.

He said the brakes on his car weren't working, so would I pick him up? So I did; he met me at my car so I wouldn't have to get out (it was like 24 degrees!) and it was soooo good to be with him again. That wild and crazy blonde mane and those blue eyes. He greeted me with a big grin and a hug, and then a kiss. He smelled like booze. It was not pleasant. I drove him back to my house. He's just like a little kid; first thing he did when he got out of the car was spot my new fat tire bike and take it for a spin around the cul de sac. I was like, "oh my god, what if my nosy neighbor sees him??!!" He doesn't even think.

When we got into the house, he said he hadn't eaten anything, and could he have some toast or a bagel? I said sure. So we went into the kitchen, and he was telling me how he and his roommate decorated the apartment last night and ended up drinking too much, doing shots.  As I was standing there glancing back and forth from him to the toaster, he came up behind me and put his hands all over my body and started kissing my neck. I immediately became limp with desire and he turned me around and pressed his body up against me and deep kissed me. I was putty in his hands. I could feel that hard dick up against my body and I was instantly wet. I pulled apart and said, "OMG your bagel!" and it nearly burned. We laughed as I buttered it for him and said, "sit!" and motioned for him to sit down on one of the bar stools.

My phone was blowing up with messages from my band, and as he ate his bagel, I sat down next to him and said I needed to catch up. I had like 16 unread messages and filled him in on what was going on--we were choosing songs for an upcoming gig--and he grabbed my phone and said, "OMG you guys do (X-song, I don't remember which)" and was commenting on all of them. It was fun. Finally I asked for my phone back to respond LOL and then he was telling me how he had "creeped" on my kids' FB bc he wanted to know more about them. Had he said it differently, it would've come off creepy like HH, but he said it all in the same vein. He said my daughter is "so beautiful" and my son "looks like an Abercrombie model." The way he asked about them made me feel like he hoped to meet them one day. He didn't say it, I didn't say it, but he was saying how they seem like really neat people, successful and all too. And then he asked me about my husband, and I answered him with a short response (he'd asked about his job) and then changed the subject. It did leave me feeling like he truly wanted to get to know me better by learning about the people I'm closest to. It made me happy! Like, maybe he truly does have feelings for me???

He talked about how he might lose his job and move to Colorado, how the company has been bought out. How he may decide to stay here too-how they've offered him a severance package but also a raise if he stays. I didn't want to influence him one way or the other so I said, "how exciting! You've got some decisions to make!!"

When he'd finished his bagel, he was so sweet, he thanked me for making it for him, and that he felt much better. I said, "what do you want to do now??" all flirty and he said, "take a bath!!" I was like oh wow. This is going to be amazing.

I told him I had a bottle of champagne chilling, and he thought that sounded good, so I took it out of the fridge and grabbed two wine glasses that didn't match. He kissed me again by the cabinet, and it was deep and passionate. Mmmmm yummmy.

We bounded up the staircase, and we went into my bathroom. I started the water, and put in this vanilla/jasmine bubble bath and he said, "that's the same one you got me!" and I was like thinking, hmm, I don't remember buying you any of that. But then he said, "not the bath stuff, the massage oil!" and I did remember. He makes himself so comfortable in my house, it's really interesting to watch. Like he's been there a million times, or like he fucking lives there. He walked over to my blue-tooth speaker and turned it on. He got us towels (he couldn't believe I have a towel warmer. He'd never even heard of a towel-warmer). I had candles already lit. While I was facing my husband's side of the vanity, I was struggling to get the foil wrapper off the champagne bottle. I turned around and saw he'd completely stripped, and he was standing there watching me. I stopped and said, "oh my god, you are standing naked in my bathroom. Does it get any better than this???" and he said, 'yes it does!" and came over to me and pulled my dress over my head. He slipped off my lacy thong, picked me up and put me on the edge of the vanity, went down on his knees and buried his face in my pussy. That hair, that tongue, that sexy naked 24 year old licking me. It was fucking amazing.

After a little bit he got up and started kissing me, that sexy deep kissing and now he tasted like my pussy which was a huge turn-on. I loved it. He was holding my hips so I wouldn't fall off the vanity, and then he showed me his thick erect cock for me and slid it into my now very wet and ready pussy. It felt amazing, and as we fucked I was slipping off. He picked me up, cock still inside me, and carried me to my bed and continued fucking me. I. Fucking. Loved. That. It was so romantic, it was like, "wow guys really do this??" because ladies haven't we seen that scene in a zillion movies??? (guess I watch too much porn??) Here he was really doing that!!! Combined with the vanity move, I just felt like I wished I'd been recording it all.

He came quickly, and we both realized we totally forgot about the tub filling up! We ran over to it and turned the water off just in time!! He opened the bottle of champagne for me, and we laughed at how disappointing it was that it didn't have that awesome "pop" it should've had! He poured it for us, and then just helped himself into the tub as if he'd done it a hundred times. Once I got in though, he was like, 'OH. MY. GOD. THIS. FEELS. AMAZING." I told him I'd never taken a bath with anyone but my hubby! And so this was really new and amazing for me as well.

We were in there for over an hour. We alternated between talking and relaxing to playing with each other. I'd push up his ass so that his dick, hard and straight as a ruler, would pop up from underneath the bubbles and I'd suck it. The first time I poured a little champagne on it and sucked it off he practically screamed in ecstasy. I KNOW no one's ever done that to him before and sure enough, he told me so. So of course I had to do it several times. Always when he least expected it.

While I was sucking him off he would put his fingers inside me, as deep as he could. And I know one time I think I came that way, and I had never came that way before. I wondered, "is this what the G-spot is all about???!!" I think it may be! It was so fucking deep inside me, and I had never had anyone do that to me before!! I really liked it!! Finally we wanted each other so badly, and I climbed on top of him and put his dick inside me. As he rocked me, I said, "don't lift up! Don't let any water in!" so we rocked and fucked in my bathtub as I'd never been rocked and fucked before.

But that's not how I made him cum.

He masturbated and I sucked him til he came. I loved pleasing him that way.

He'd told me he had to work at 1, so we ought to get out of the tub, so I grabbed our towels and got out first. I handed him his, and he couldn't believe it was warm. He was feeling a little queasy again, so I suggested just laying in bed and taking a little nap. We laid down, and he put his arm under me and I nestled into his underarm, and relaxed. I felt more exposed to him than ever; I mean, DAYLIGHT SEX!!!! MY HAIR GOT ALL WET FROM THE BATH AND WAS DRYING CURLY AND SHIT!! I HAD RACCOON EYES!! And yet, I was relaxed. FINALLY.

And laying there, I asked him, "How long till you were gonna write me?" That three weeks had gone by, and I started to feel like, "wow guess last time didn't go that well" and "guess I'll never see HIM again." He apologized, he said, "OMG I'm so sorry, I know how that feels, and I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." And then, surprisingly, he said, "I was waiting to hear from YOU!" I just shook my head, and waited for him to say more.He went on to explain how he pretty much just texts if he thinks he can see me-that he's thinking of me and wants to see me and if I can't see him he gets so excited he wishes he didn't message me!That he'll get so horny he has to jerk off and gets frustrated!! I had to giggle.  He said otherwise, he doesn't like texting that much and that they can be misunderstood so he doesn't like  chit-chat in texting and likes to wait and share stuff in person. I said that's fine yeah me too but he could maybe say "hey! hope you're doing well! I'm thinking of you and I'd love to see but damn this week is just so crazy! maybe next?" and he said, 'yeah, yeah, totally I will do that."

I addressed the Facebook question I had, and said "well you haven't "liked" anything on my page so I haven't "liked" anything on your page so I respect that maybe you would like me to stay under the radar??" He just said oh that was when he was with Piggy Face. He didn't really say, "Go ahead it's fine" he just explained how it wasn't okay before, so I think I will continue to just stay incognito until he "likes" MY posts.

While we were laying there talking, he kept playing with himself. Not like guys do when they're trying to get it up, more like a lazy dog just kind of playing with it absentmindedly. I said, "you're really distracting me here playing with your dick like that." And he said, 'Oh yeah???' and I said, "YEAH!!" He said, "well, feel free to do something about that!" So I did! I leaned over and licked his body up and down and around his dick but wouldn't touch it at first. Made it grow big and strong and then took it in my mouth again. He lifted me up and slid his dick in. We fucked so hard, I'm sure I came again, damn we fucked so deep I shuddered like I was having a fucking religious experience. He came again, and afterward, like always, he stays hard and we just keep fucking. I didn't want to stop. I got tired tho finally, and I knew he had to go to work, so I finally slipped off of him. I laid next to him, and he was just like "OH MY GOD (my name) I CAME THREE TIMES!!! I NEVER COME THAT MUCH!!" I said, 'WITH ME YOU DO!!" and he agreed with a big grin. I thought, "yeah, you're not fucking 200 pound piggy face bitch!! This is how good sex can be!!" I'll bet that's what he was thinking hehehe

I snuggled him and said, "let's take a 5 min nap." He said he can't nap, can't settle down (he has ADHD like me, but I'm on meds). So we just laid there and chatted. It was WONDERFUL. I really felt like I was being myself for the first time with him. I didn't do shots this time, and not just because I had to drive and go pick him up. I wanted to be fully present and myself with him. And we only drank one glass of champagne, which didn't do anything for me. It was more symbolic. Champagne bath. Something he doesn't do with just anyone.

He told me a little about Piggy Face, just that he thought maybe she'd cheated on him with her ex, maybe not, but that there were things she wasn't telling him, and that it is once and for all "really over." I said, "her loss babe, my gain" and he looked at me and smiled and said, "MY GAIN!!" and kissed me. We snuggled and then knew we had to get up.

I decided not to put back my sexy dress on, and put something on more casual. I said, "I'm gonna put my jammies on! Since I'm not going anywhere for awhile!" He said, 'aren't you going to take me home?"and I laughed and said "oh yeah!! I forgot!!" So I took them off and put my sexy dress and thigh-high black velvet boots back on.

He said he wasn't feeling well again and that he might be sick. That the champagne wasn't settling well. And he was sick, and I felt terrible. He laughed it off like it was no big deal "it was all just the champagne!" and he got a bottle of water. When we got out to the garage, he got in my car and from inside, opened my door for me! I thought that was very sweet. He mentioned again how much he loves my car, and we talked about putting a turbo engine in it.

On the drive home, he was quite animated, very talkative. He wanted to make sure he knew how to get to my house and back for the next time when he comes to see me. He had the exits mixed up and it bothered him. He talked about big trucks and bulldozers and stuff like that, how he'd wanted to be an architect and and how he also almost got a construction job with the state. When we passed some construction workers, he was elated at how quickly they'd patched up this area of the roadway, and commented on how much money they make.

I was blindsided when he told me he wants to have a child within a year. II swear it came out of nowhere.That he's wanted a kid since he was 19. He wants to have kids while he's young. I just listened and said "you'd make an awesome dad." What was I going to say??? I'll have your kid for you?? I can't have any more kids and if I could, would I want that??!! That's what I was thinking while he's joking about "putting firecrackers under her butt if she won't get up for school." And not believing he'd actually think that was ok to do. He was a child himself. Why the fuck would he want a KID????!!!! Clearly he has no idea what he's talking about. Kind of like girls who think getting married is all about the wedding. Fucking clueless.

When we got to his apartment, I parked and he turned and gave me a wonderful hug, a short kiss (bc he'd just gotten sick) and I said, "I hope you feel better!" and he said, "I do already! I just think I need a nap." I said, "I hope you don't remember our date as "really awesome until I threw up!!" He said, "no no no, not at all. I came three times. We took a bath. It was awesome!" And he hugged me again, and he got out. I started to back out, and watched him as he walked to his apartment in the freezing cold without looking back.

I drove home feeling like I wasn't in love, I was definitely smitten, but I could enjoy him more now, getting to know him more and seeing him for the man he is, not who I need him to be. I've done a lot of work on myself, and it's really wonderful to feel this way. I'm not on cloud nine, I've got both feel planted firmly on mother earth, and I've never been happier.