Why I took my pic down

Ironically, the same day I posted "My slutty afternoon...", I happened to get a text from a guy I've been chatting with that I met on the dating website, "do you know a woman named (blank)?" I texted him back, 'uh, no, why?" and he said, "well she sure seems to know you. And she had some choice words for you." WTF??!! And he proceeded to tell me she said this about me, and I quote, "...it is a known fact that she is a slut." Ironic huh?! The same day I posted that blog post. Just a couple days ago. Guess I started chatting with a guy who knows someone who knows someone who knows me. And he's been talking about me to her. Great. Fucking great.

So, of course, I freaked out. Fucking fucking freaked out. I looked her up on Facebook and we have a mutual friend. Great. Fucking great. So, either this mutual friend (a guy that used to work at the gym, we are more" aquaintances" than friends) is talking smack about me, or she found my blog. For the record, she looks familiar, but he insists she doesn't go to the gym I go to so I don't think I know her.

I have Googled my blog to see if it can be found, and I've been able to so far keep it discreet. But I freaked out anyway and took my picture off. I couldn't even sleep that whole night, trying to figure out how this chick knows me and why she'd say that about me.

You my dear readers know I'm a swinger, and yes, I love sex. And they are many definitions of the word "slut"-I just looked them up LOL---anywhere from meaning a woman who loves sex to a woman who will have sex with anything that moves. SO......what did she mean by that?! What has she learned about me from this mutual "friend"??!! So yeah, if being a slut means, "a woman who loves sex or has multiple partners", yes, I'm a slut. But how would someone who doesn't even know me think that about me?!

I'm taking her comment to mean someone who'll sleep with anyone and anything, and has no couth. I am extremely selective (I've had 3 lovers in the whole year I've lived here!). And I have not done anything at ALL with anyone at the gym or any of my co-workers. I've been very discreet--only dating guys I've met on the dating site. No one who knows any of my friends or anyone in my circle. So for her to call me a slut, or to think that our mutual friend has said stuff about me, well, after I had my freak-out I calmed down and realized that maybe it's made-up shit on her part. She has nothing on me---UNLESS SHE FOUND THIS BLOG. THAT HAD MY PICTURE ON IT.

I have been very comfortable with all of you seeing me and getting to know me through this blog. I feel more real to complete strangers because as a group, if you're reading my blog, you are probably in the lifestyle too and realize how dangerous a game it is we play. Friends and family, if they were to find out about our secret lives, would ruin us. Isn't it fucked how the world works?? It's more socially acceptable to cheat on your wife or husband than to invite another lover into your bed with their permission.

I decided I'm finished talking to this loose-lipped guy, and also to just let it go for now. I honestly can't think of any reason someone who doesn't even know me would say such a thing about me. I have been very discreet, so maybe she's just jealous. I have no idea. But I think I need to be more careful, more discreet, because sadly, it's painfully obvious society can't handle women who love sex. I can't risk being found out. It's obvious my reputation is on its way to being tarnished and well, if it wasn't for me trying to protect my children and my husband's reputation, I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me. I have considered taking down this blog, but I won't for now. I need to to keep sane, but the thought of losing everything I have is more real now.

My Slutty afternoon--I'm still smiling

I knew the moment our eyes met that I wanted to go back to my place and fuck him. I was sitting at the bar of a nice Mexican restaurant that was pleasantly dim-lit and bustling with the typical business-man lunch crowd. I was uncomfortable enough sitting alone at a bar all dressed up and I noticed with all the guys staring at me. Even the busboys, all Hispanic, one-by-one kept making excuses to come up and see if I needed anything. I was bemused. I ordered a Grey Goose and sugar-free Red Bull. It was one o'clock in the afternoon. Mr-Same-Name-as-my-Hubby finally agreed to meet me--he suggested a Starbucks but I knew I needed a drink.  I was so nervous, horny and excited, and I felt like such a slut. I hoped I didn't run into anyone I knew.

I got there a little early to get my bearings. I was glad I did. I'd finished about half my vodka when Mr. Good Looking walked in. He spotted me right away. I smiled in relief when I saw him. He was definitely as cute as his pics. He was smaller than I imagined--about 5-9, small in stature but very good looking.  Short black hair, very blue eyes, a dimple in his chin and full sexy lips. Mmmmm. He was dressed in a nice blue suit, white dress shirt, and simple blue and black striped tie. Yum. 

I got up and gave him a welcome hug.  We were both smiling. I felt at ease with him instantly. He had a calm demeanor, and we seemed to click right away.  I was wearing a sexy black knit mini-skirt, black leggings, and 4-inch black velvet stillettos and a navy blue blouse that showed off my cleavage. I felt pretty good about my looks and I liked all the attention I was getting.  He sat down next to me and just ordered a glass of water. Conversation flowed easily; he seemed comfortable in his own skin and clearly a good listener as well as a speaker. He's a financial planner; very successful at only age 25. I was impressed but he talked in such a way that wasn't braggy. I really liked him.I could smell his cologne and I was getting so wet staring at his sexy mouth as he talked.

We chatted for about a half hour, and I felt like I could spend all day talking with him. BUT---we met later than I had planned (he'd had an appointment) and I had to work at 3:00 so I glanced at my iphone and saw that it was almost 2:00! I smiled and said, "well, we'd better get going if we're going to have any fun." He smiled and said, "Let's go!" He followed me in his brand-new Mercedes to my house. Thankfully, it was only a 10 minute drive. I couldn't wait to get that suit off of him.

I gave him a very brief tour of the main floor of my house, and he met my over-zealous dog and they liked each other instantly. I took this as a good sign.  Chatting about something, I don't remember what, I led him upstairs to my bedroom. To the bedroom I share with my husband, who shares the same name as him. We had less than an hour, but I knew it would be perfect.

I closed my bedroom door, and he was standing by my bed. He took off his jacket, and seeing that it was a very nice suit jacket, I offered to hang it up for him. He politely accepted. "To keep the dog hair off" I laughed. I went into my walk-in closet and hung it up for him, and when I came back, he was still completely dressed otherwise. I slowly loosened up his tie, which he then took off. I unbuttoned all the buttons on his dress shirt and loosened up his belt, and then I pulled him close to me and kissed him. Mmm I wanted him so badly and loved rubbing up against the hard cock in his pants. I love this part of lovemaking--the "just before" part. Where the desire is SO strong and you know what's ahead. The anticipation. I love to make it last.

He was so gentle, I felt instantly relaxed. I knew I could take charge with this guy. I was making out with him, fully clothed. It was electric. I remembered I had to get to work soon so we had to get busy. I loosened up his belt and unbuttoned the top button of his pants. He took them off and I got down to my lavendar panties and bra. He giggled about taking off his socks. With his T-shirt still on, I laid down on the bed and he climbed on top of me. We kissed and made out, but he was very passive. Not like my hubby or Mickey, who quickly grab and suck my breasts. He didn't even try to lick my pussy. (Maybe it was the time factor-if I get another chance with him we'll see).  He did finger me and played with my clit. Mmmm I wanted more. Damn job!!

We were laying now side-by-side, and I couldn't wait to put his hard cock in my mouth. I gave him the best BJ I'm sure he's ever had (hehe) and then reached over to my side table drawer and pulled out a condom. He tore it open and put it on--I do think that is incredibly sexy!--and I climbed on top of him and put that big dick inside me. He fucked me hard. Mr. Passive fucked me hard and after a 6-month dry spell (yes, Jake was my last other guy besides my hubby!) it felt so fucking good to fuck a new guy. I couldn't get enough. I didn't want to stop. I considered calling in sick to work right in the middle of fucking him. We went at it hard, changing positions, and just fucking, fucking, fucking. It was awesome. 

His body was small; like Mickey's, but his cock wasn't (just like Mickey's). Mmmm, maybe something will develop with this hottie and I can forget about Mickey once and for all.

As much fun as we were having, I needed him to cum so I could get to work! He knew it too and told me, "turn around". He wanted me doggy-style. He put his hands on my hips and fucked me harder than he had all afternoon; I was grabbing onto the comforter with both hands as tight as I could and screaming into it. It felt amazing. Sure enough, he came hard and grabbed me from behind and held me tight. After he pulled out, I took the condom off for him and went to the bathroom and flushed it. I came back and he was shaking. "Are you ok?" I asked him. "Yeah", he said, "That was awesome!" I told him yeah, it was, and that I was sorry I had to go so quickly. That I wish we had more time together. He agreed.

I went to get my dorky uniform, and he was putting his suit back on. Damn he looked hot. I love a good-looking guy in a suit--I love taking it off of them!! I grabbed my clothes and got dressed next to him. It was fun, I couldn't help but just watch him. It was sexy. His blue eyes really shone in the daylight sun coming through my bedroom windows.

We hurried downstairs and when we got to the door, I stopped and held him for a moment. I gave him a kiss and looked him in those blue eyes and said, "will I see you again?" and he said, "yes, definitely!" I said, "Oh good!" and we left. I had a smile all the way to work (btw I was 10 minutes late!) and I'm still smiling.

another guy flakes out on me.....

OK WTF is going on??!!! Mr. Same-name-as-my-hubby cancelled meeting me yet again yesterday, and begged me to give him another chance. He begged he'd "make it up to me". Well, I texted him 3 times today--spaced out like 3 hours apart...never heard back. I told him "you could make it up to me tomorrow." Crickets. I finally wrote a little while ago, "Did I do something wrong?? You're not writing back." Still nothing. Now remember, he's courted me for a YEAR. He never had a face pic so I ignored him. I didn't realize what a hottie he was. Now I'm smitten and more than a little pissed off!! WTF???!!

Can anyone tell me what I keep doing wrong??!! Is it me??!! I am honest and I plan to show up. With this guy, I didn't even mention I was married, in case that was what was scaring these guys away--you know, worrying some crazed husband was going to come after them. I played it like I was single. So WTF. I'm bummed.

I'm really getting tired of this. Aren't there any guys out there that really want to meet me? :(

I have already undressed him in my mind...time to do it in person!

At one o'clock tomorrow I hope to be laying my eyes on my new boytoy face to face! I am so excited I can hardly stand it! He had cancelled our date last week and I was SO disappointed! Said he was sick. Tried again Thursday, same thing. I said I was free Friday night, and he just said he felt like staying home. Apologized and we have rescheduled for tomorrow. He lives only 15 minutes away and has been wanting to come over in the evening but I have my kids and hubby in the evenings, so maybe he's just timid, who knows. I am excited to meet him! He could be my new Mickey. If not him then.......I have someone ELSE who's REALLY interested and has been trying to get together with me! He lives about 100 miles away, not good, but he's really persistent AND young, he's 23 too, and very good looking. Great, hard body, long dark brown hair, yes, very long, past his shoulders and he looks like a rocker boy--tattoos, long thick hair. Young and very hot. I REALLY like him and every day he texts me, "come see me today". He is nice, not gross at all like some guys, I really hate too much sex talk with someone i haven't even met, it makes me feel gross and both these guys are sexy and complimentary without being gross.

I got a video from Mickey in the middle of the night last night! OMG it was better than the ones he usually sends, which are always him jerking off (which I love) but never his face. This one was of him, his beautiful face!!! He was shirtless, wearing that same knit cap he always wears, and it was a very short video. He was looking at the camera, and he said, "Does this look official? Cuz you've officially given me a boner." I saw it at like 4 am and I laughed out loud, it cracked me up. I fell back asleep and didn't write back till about 7 am (trying not to seem too desperate). I just said, "you look HOT!" and he wrote me back immediately! We sexted back and forth for a little while. I smiled all day.

My new guy I'm meeting tomorrow (who has the same name as my hubby!) said he will be "dressed in his work clothes." I was frightened LOL and had visions of steel-toed work boots and ugly coveralls. I asked him, 'What do you do?" and he said he's a financial planner and wears a suit tie!! YAY!!! He sent me 2 pics of him in a suit, one a black suit and one brown, and OMG what a handsome young stud!! I told him I can't wait to see him out of it!!! I get really turned on by a good-looking guy in a suit and tie. It's a huge turn on for me. I am already fantasizing about seeing him undress.....first the jacket comes off, and then I'l be able to see that huge bulge in his slacks. Very hot. Then he'll start to loosen his tie, and I'll start unbuttoning his dress shirt, and then as he takes off his tie I'm opening up his shirt with my hands and spread open the shirt to reveal a sexy, manly chest and softly touch it and start to kiss it. Mmmm, that's when I get a whiff of his cologne, and as he takes the shirt off, I'm already wet with anticipation. Then I undo his belt......unzip his zipper......OOOO I'm getting SOOO excited!!!

So I'm really hoping he shows up tomorrow and doesn't send me a lame text he can't make it. If he does, I'm driving to meet the other hottie.  BTW I will give these sexy men pen names if I meet them and bring them home with me. If I do, I'll be writing about it tomorrow night! Cross you fingers for me, your nasty  fingers people!!!!

Drinks at noon, sex by 1:00!

I'm SO excited to meet my new boytoy!! He's gorgeous. He's got black hair, bright blue eyes, and really full lips, just like Mickey. Damn!! He has been persistent in texting me and we are meeting at noon tomorrow, halfway between where we both live. He lives only 15 minutes away from me!!! I am SO glad I finally found someone attractive who will HOPEFULLY show up!!!

I PROMISE to tell you all about it!

Did I tell you he's only 23???

Half my age.

Yum yum!

Crazy vacation shit

I was so fucking excited to go to California and see B, you have no idea. I spent days prepping--got my pretty fake tan just so, worked out as usual (I'm at a great weight right now), and had my roots touched up. All the planets were aligned and off I went. We had texted the night before that I would text him when I landed in LA and he was going to meet me at my hotel. I was getting super horny and thinking nasty thoughts the whole 4-1/2 hour plane ride. I couldn't wait to get there!

No sooner had I gotten to my hotel room and texted him, I got a text from a girlfriend of mine from the city I just moved from.  She told me a mutual friend of ours (I'll call her Erica) had passed away. This friend just happens to be the girl my hubby and I had a 3sum with back in April (see my blogs about her May 2011--titled "Aftermath" and "Tables are Turned"). I was instantly in shock. WTF???!! Sitting in my beautiful poolside suite, waiting to hear from B, my phone started blowing up. Calls coming in from friends about Erica. Each of us trying to get info about what happened to her. I had to call my hubby--he began sobbing. It was horrible. 

Next thing I knew, several hours had passed by--I'd cried off all my makeup and was exhausted,  and still nothing from B. I showered and got dressed up and decided to go downstairs and get myself some dinner. I still thought I was going to see him, and I hadn't eaten all day. After my solo dinner with all the hired help stumbling over themselves --it was so good for my ego--B finally called me. His voice was sexy and gravelly and he was telling me about something he had to do and would call me in a half hour. I decided to go wait for him in the bar. The bar at this hotel is like U-shaped, and I was sitting in the "U" when guy came and sat to the left of me. He wasn't cute, but I was bored and getting drunk. I had absolutely nothing better in the world to do than sit there and get drunk. I didn't have my kids, or hubby, I had no place I needed to be in the morning, and B wasn't calling me back. So I ordered another Grey Goose and Red Bull and chatted up the guy to my left.  I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL, I was just bored. He must've thought otherwise, cuz next thing I knew, we were in the elevator together. My floor was the 3rd, and his was the 5th, but i realized he got out with me and was walking to my room. I don't think I'd been this drunk in ages! What a shame about B. I was really disappointed. But I had a new problem--this guy was sitting on the edge of my bed and somehow I'd stupidly given him my phone number!! I was in a drunken haze and thankfully he was a gentleman and finally left after I thwarted one of his kisses.  I ignored his texts about what he wanted to do to me--"I can come back!"--bleh!!! and passed out. 

Yes, I woke up with a terrible hangover. I also woke up to realize my friend was dead. This thought sobered me up.  My phone had a zillion text messages waiting for me about her and I had new info that she was indeed still alive, albeit in a coma. She was on life support awaiting the possibility of her donating her organs. This was so upsetting. WTF happened to her??!! More questions than answers. She was in a hospital about 3 hours away--I was tempted to drive there but for what? She was in a coma, and they were planning on taking her off life support. I didn't really know her that well and I didn't really belong there.  I went and spent the entire day and evening with my parents and family there in LA.

When I got back to my hotel room around midnight, again I freshened up and went downstairs to the bar. Too late!! They had already closed!! So all dressed up and nowhere to go, I went back to my room and texted Mickey. He responded right away--he was at work and bored. I told him what happened to my friend, how I was in LA alone and how I had wanted to go see him in Oregon but that he waited to long to tell me if he wanted me to come or not and now tickets were like $700 so I couldn't go. I decided to have some fun and tried on a sexy dress and heels I'd brought to wear to go see B--and started taking pictures of myself in the mirror.

Mickey loved them! I took about 25 pics in various poses--in the gorgeous dress and heels--"you look amazing!!" Mickey gushed--and then stripped for him, one click at a time. It was so fun. Sexy and fun and he was full of compliments. I finally got so turned on I got in bed and had to make myself climax. All that pent-up sexual frustration from B standing me up. I fell asleep happy, feeling like Mickey was back in my life--that he'd never left. I wonder if his GF has her own version of their relationship and he has HIS own. He texted me he was looking for a new roommate....so....does she live with him or not?? What's with the whole "domestic partnership" thing?? I really don't know. He's too busy to talk to me. Or involved with her. Who knows. I was lonely and bored and feeling rejected and somehow Mickey always comes through for me when I need him.

The next night I was alone too, no plans. B finally called me again and made up some sort of lame excuse and said very sweetly and sincerely that he would 'make it up to me". Whatever. It's been 2 weeks and still haven't heard a peep.

The next day, my last day in LA, my BFF met me at my hotel and we spent like 14 hours shopping, eating, walking on the pier, watching the surfers and the seagulls, talking and talking and talking. It was so wonderful. I even decided to commemorate the day by getting a tattoo and I ended up doing just that!!

The black cloud of our friend's eventual death Saturday morning got darker when we found out she'd taken her life. My only vacation in a year to have this horrible news turned my weekend into a spiritual awakening of sorts. I felt so alive back in the fresh air and great weather and vowed to figure out a way to get back there. Also, one knows what Erica meant to me and my hubby. No one can ever know. It's a secret she obviously took to her grave and we'll take to ours. So very very sad.

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I am done with B and the Irish guy and all the ones who just don't show up. I promptly got back on the website and found a new hottie! His name is the same as my hubby's and we have been sexting heavily. Two nights in a row now he's made a video for me---if you know what I mean---and sent them to me. Get this--he actually lives 15 minutes away and has been begging to come see me!! I told him sorry, gotta meet you in public first. I'm all about first impressions. I will know ASAP if he's someone who's going to get my panties off.

I am really excited!! Thursday's the day!!!

What a week. 

        

The sex is gonna be so awesome....

If you've read that last post of mine, you have a good idea of how I feel about Mickey right now. So--it should go without saying that I did NOT buy a plane ticket to see him. I don't know if I wrote about it, but about 3 days ago, I got tired of waiting for him to respond about the fact that I'd (lied) and said "flights are so cheap, I bought I ticket to come see you. Even if all we do is have dinner. " Never heard anything, so I poked him and sent a text that said, "So, what's up for next weekend?" He wrote back immediately; said, "what do you mean?" guess he forgot what I'd said a week earlier. (maybe his GF saw it and deleted it, who knows) but anyway, I wrote again that flights were cheap and that I bought a ticket to come see him, even if only for dinner. He responded, "so you want to fly up here for dinner?" I answered back, "well, I'd like more but yeah." He wrote, "Err, I just don't think it's worth it for you to do that." I said,"I can't imagine flying all the way to the west coast and not seeing you. I miss you and I'd love to see you." Never heard back.

Now, dear readers, remember this is before the revelation of a three-year anniversary celebration. For all I knew at that moment, he was single, or maybe seeing someone, cuz he never mentioned HER. Of course, I knew about her, cuz of her Twitter. But I figured it's his burden not mine. He has cheated on her before with me so why would this be any different--he said he wasn't in love, wasn't serious, she owed him money. So I thought I'd go see him.

Since I never heard from him, I didn't actually buy a ticket, and when I went to, they were astronomical. $700 round trip to go 700 miles. Forget it. I was so disappointed; but now I'm thankful. Because knowing what I know now, he really only had two choices--cheat on her, or ditch me. And let's face it, ditching me is a whole lot easier. He really doesn't want me to come. He told me himself, and I quote, "I wouldn't get to spend a whole night with you like I want." So, he wants me to come some OTHER time, God knows when, so we can spend a whole night together. Well, forget it. I'm done. He wants me? He can fucking come see me. And pay for it himself.

On a good note, B has been calling me and we are seeing each other right after I get off the plane tomorrow!! He's so sexy and slutty. I don't know what his thing is about getting me pregnant but he's so persistent. My BFF saw his new commercial and she was drooling over him. "Damn girl!! That's your "B"??? WOWZA!!" She was very impressed. I can't wait to see him. I love his smile, love his body, and love the way he stares into my eyes and is so sweet and gentle. MMMMM yummy!!

I'll write details when I get back. I'm hoping he'll let me take a couple of body pics since he wouldn't let me take any face pics last time. Probably worried I'll go to the National Enquirer or something LOL I'd never do that!!! I just want a pic of us together, just for me.

Ciao my beautiful readers, hope you all have a safe and sexy weekend as well!

Love,
Anna XO

Polygamy, polyamory, and the benefits of having sex with other people

At work last night, I was listening to a conversation between two co-workers about jealousy in relationships. He's a married guy , about 27, construction worker, with a pregnant wife, who admitted to having cheated on her about a year ago. She's 24, single, intelligent and a psychology student in college. I missed part of their conversation, but I heard them debating the minute differences between an acceptable flirtation from another's partner from a stranger and an unacceptable flirtation. I had to silence my amusement. I didn't say a word. I thought to myself, "if only they knew about me...." and "if only they knew it didn't have to be that way."

As they talked, I was thinking about how much my attitudes about other women have changed in the 8 or 9 years since my hubby and I became swingers. I remember my husband going to a strip bar for his bachelor party and how upset I got. Puh-leeeeze. I can't believe I used to get so jealous.

I honestly think every woman should have a sexual encounter with another woman with her man. (maybe even several!!!) and I also think every guy should have a sexual encounter with another man and his woman. We have much to gain.

If you're reading this, I'm guessing you're pretty open-minded to this idea, if you haven't already done a variation on this yourself. I love that about you!! After Haley's visit, I started to really realize how much her visit did for ME, not to mention boost my hubby's self-esteem.

I was thinking about the way she showed my hubby where my G-spot was (twenty years together and we'd never found it!) and the way she lovingly admired and complimented my girl parts. It was so touching! A woman talks to another woman so differently than a man talks to a woman in bed. How many of you "vanilla" women (meaning "monogamous") wonder what other women are like in bed? Do you wonder if you're "good" enough? Do you wonder what another woman's orgasm looks like? What do other women like? Can you handle seeing your guy touch another woman and let her please him? It's a way to get a glimpse of what your man would be like if he left you/cheated on you/you died and he replaced you. In a safe way. BECAUSE YOU'RE WATCHING

I know this is blasphemous to a great many people, which is why I have to stay anonymous. How many of my "friends" would never speak to me again if they knew? But I believe with my whole heart and soul that my hubby and I have a closer and more honest relationship BECAUSE WE HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  We face our demons head-on.

Listening to my co-workers last night, it's clear how many people in traditional monogamous relationships believe that we have a right to "own" another person's body and thoughts. It's really amazing. I cringe now when I think back to remembering when I felt that way. How DARE my boyfriend look at another woman's breasts and fantasize about her! What did that say about ME? Didn't that reduce me in his eyes? Didn't it mean I wasn't enough for him? Didn't it mean that I needed a boob job or some other work? NO. It doesn't mean any of those things.

It is so freeing to be able to tell each other, "isn't she/he hot? I'd do him/her right now if I could!!" without feeling threatened!! To actually encourage each other to flirt and be intimate with another person without feeling threatened?! It's a tightrope we walk every day. To say we never get jealous would be a lie. It comes with the lifestyle. BUT---and it's a big but----we deal with it. Couples that swing have no reason to cheat.  Why would I sneak around behind my hubby's back if I can just tell him instead?

In my never-to-be-humble opinion, marriages end because of the fairy-tale idea that there is a "one-and-only" out there for us and we should never ever ever ever ever ever desire another human being. This is an archaic and impossible way to live. Admitting our attractions to other people--even if we don't act on them--is healthy in a relationship. Once we get past the honeymoon stage, it's inevitable and we stick our heads in the sand to deny it.

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I have to take a moment to comment on a new show out there called, "Sister Wives". No, I haven't seen it, but the cast was on Dr. Phil a few weeks back and I did see that. Basically, it's polygamy. A guy has three "wives" (only one is really considered a "legal" wife) and they have about 25 children between them. They have a huge house, and every "wife" has her own bedroom and the husband stays with each wife one-at-a-time, alternating nights. He admitted he doesn't have his own bedroom. He's not that good-looking at all, but it's apparent to me that he must be great in bed--not having his own room for the occasional night he's not in the mood and pleasing 3 women on a continual basis?? hee hee wow I'd love to get a glimpse of the size of his cock......whoops!! Got off topic and distracted.....

Ok, so here's the thing people---this is NOT polyamory. This is polygamy. There is a HUGE fucking difference. You know what the biggest difference is between the two? The fucking!! In a polygamous relationship, the wives are all having sex with the husband and he's having sex with them--but one-on-one. The women do NOT have sex with each other. (Like I said, the guy must be a total stud). In a polyamorous situation, everyone has sex with everybody else (usually). And it's not just about the husband. A wife can have several male lovers. I've never heard of a polygamist being a woman with several husbands. WHY THE FUCK NOT???????   I wouldn't call Mickey my "husband" nor would he call me his "wife" if he moved in with us. He'd simply be our or my lover. Same with Haley or any other woman if she came to be involved with us on a regular basis, or even moved in. Yes, if children came from any of these relationships, we'd raise them all together like the polygamous family on TV. But we wouldn't say we were "married" to each other, because in polymory, we don't own each other.

Another big difference is that in polygamy, religion is usually the reason they are together. This TV family is a hugely religious family. My hubby and I consider ourselves "spiritual" but don't believe in organized religion. We are not morally bankrupt because we have an open marriage! Just because we don't have sex with other people purely for procreation doesn't make us any less ethical than polygamists. One is against the law; the other isn't.  You can't legally marry more than one person at a time in our society. I think that maybe that is the last taboo--why can't you?? What harm are they doing? They claim to be very happy in their situation so who are we to judge? And the kids are happy! I think that in this day and age, the one-size-fits-all household went by the wayside more than a decade ago when it became socially acceptable for single moms and two-gay moms and or dads. Is this really so way-out there? I think not.

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I feel sexier and better about myself having had sex with other women, and I am more attracted to my hubby as well. Having had multiple partners--men and women, and couples (safe sex always...I must add) has deepened our trust and love for each other. It doesn't diminish what we feel for each other, as we always put our relationship first. And when we have struggles, we talk about it. I no longer feel unattractive as I have opened up myself to having partners of both sexes. I don't get creeped out like I used to in my younger days when a girl sidles up to me in a bar restroom and tells me how pretty I am. I think, "ooooo, you're a hottie too!" and who knows what the night will hold after that? And when a young guy hottie shows interest, I can go there too. It's wonderful. My hang-ups are pretty much gone now, as I know how to please not only guys in bed but women too. And I'll never forget Haley telling me I have the "prettiest little pussy she'd ever seen". That just makes my day.

 

If you really want to impress me, call me at 4 am.......

B called me at 4 am this morning and told me he wants me to come see him as soon as I get to LA! I can't wait to see him. I feel so comfortable with him--he's so sexy, so comfortable in his own skin. He is just easy to be around. He makes me feel so sexy and he just adores me. I hope he does get me pregnant--i'll have him in my life forever. Chances are 50-50 so we'll see. I really don't know why it's so important to him--I'm happy to just keep him my fuck-buddy, we have such a good time together. And I love that I'm his "dirty little secret". Well, I'd like to be more--damn wouldn't it be cool to be on his arm at some red carpet event?? Damn. Who knows. If I have his baby, the press will eventually find out. I like that I know a side of him no one else knows, cuz he is so comfortable with me.  I love the way he looks right into my eyes when he talks to me, those big brown eyes. I told my BFF about his new commercial and sent her his pic and she was like, DAMN he's HOT!!!!!!!!! I told her, yes, he is! I can't wait to grab that luscious long wavy brown hair in my fist while I ride him. Mmmmm 2 weeks!!!

Mickey is AWOL since I texted him I bought a plane ticket to come see him. I haven't heard a peep. I told him tickets were so cheap I decided to just come see him--that I remembered what he said (meaning about "having me in his life sexually right now is not healthy for me") and that I just wanted to have dinner---that I just want to gaze into those gorgeous blue eyes. No response yet. I'm biting at the bit to keep from contacting him--but going to just sit tight.

In the meantime, I'm writing Mr. Irish Accent daily and keeping in great shape for my romp with B (and hopefully Mickey). I'm down to 123 and look pretty good. I'm happy to say I don't think I need to lose any more weight! I'm all muscle now, what with 2 hours of tennis 5 days a week and weightlifting.

On a different note, my hubby's talking about taking a trip to go see his GF, the one that came here. I have to let him go and not make a fuss---it's only right, right?? Although it wasn't part of our original agreement....I get to do what I want so it's only fair. I don't feel threatened by her so maybe she's the right one for him to do this with.

It's funny---B, and Damien, and all these hot 20-something guys, but all my heart wants is Mickey. I'm really trying to leave him alone. He WILL come back to me, he always does. She's 20 for God's sake. And he's a confirmed committment phobe. I just have to sit tight.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll fall for someone else. I really really really want to. I did fall for Jake, but that ended badly. I wish I knew why. He really made me forget Mickey. That relationship had such promise, but maybe it was all in my head. I KNOW I can get over Mickey if I can just find someone to replace him. I've BEEN looking my dear readers! I really have! And I'm STILL looking!

Tomorrow night I will write about my hubby's GF's visit last month. I promise.

Stay tuned.

Love,
Anna XOXO

Still looking for Mr. Right Now--I might've found him!

Not content to sit around and wait for Mickey to decide what he wants, I turn to my dating website to find some fresh meat. There are so many hot guys on there--the problem is so many just end up exchanging pics and chickening-out when it comes time to meet. BUT---I found someone new--he is a hottie who lives about an hour away with an Irish accent!! He's half my age, and has the most beautiful smile and sparkly brown eyes. He has perfectly straight teeth, and a sexy, disarming smile. So so cute. We have been writing on yahoo messenger all week and we are meeting on Saturday!!  His name is Damian and he's fucking hot. Just the right guy to help me break my unintended sexual sabbatical! Thankfully he lives alone and I'm driving to meet him near where he lives. He's invited me to spend the night....mmmmm I'm thinking about it! I love the pics he's sent me and he loves mine so I'm really hoping he'll be worth the hour drive! I will keep you all updated. Cross you fingers! I could use a hunk like him right now. His compliments and constant attention right now picks me up when I'm down and obsessing over you-know-who. Who, by the way, was online 24/7 and has now gone completely AWOL. His facebook has gone private too. Can't read a thing anymore. Do you think this is all directed at me? How would I know? Enough, Anna, enough.

I'm so annoyed at Mickey's lack of response---my insides are literally tied up in knots wondering what the fuck is going on with Mickey--especially since I looked up "Domestic Partnership" and it says that in his state it is, and I quote, "....almost equivalent to marriage." What I don't know is have they legally done something or was it just, "hey, we're on facebook and we are living together so since there's no "living together" choice they picked this one? Who knows. I know that I'm getting really stalker-ish lately trying to get answers--so I've decided to just stop. I can't keep torturing myself. I didn't really buy a ticket to go see him anyway. I'm not sitting around waiting for an answer. His silence is screaming, "I don't know what to do here!!!"My BFF told me give it a few more days and then send him a text that I hadn't heard from him and that I'm excited to see him, etc. I don't know. I'm tempted to just do nothing. Let him go. I don't want to push him into her arms trying hard to "be a good boy"--HIS words.\

I'm annoyed with myself, and him. He's such an asshole. Why can't he just talk to me like a regular person???? If he's serious about her, why can't he just fucking say it?????

I'll tell you all about my date with Damian as soon as I can! I sure hope there's a spark. He is so cute from his pics so we'll see.

All I know is, I'm ripe for some good ol' fashioned fucking!!!!!

I was watching TV in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner last night and saw "B" in a commercial! I screamed to my hubby, "THAT'S B! LOOK!! and sure enough, there he was! What a hottie! I can't tell you anymore about it cuz certainly you'd know him....I texted him immediately to tell him I saw him, and of course, since he's got the biggest ego of anyone alive he responded right away. He was pleased as punch. I congratulated him and said I wanted to youtube it so I could see it over and over. He laughed. 


I bought my plane ticket to go see him yesterday! Or--should I say, my hubby did. I will be there in 2 weeks. I can't wait to fuck him! MMMMM "B" is delicious. 


I lied to Mickey and told him I bought a plane ticket to see him. I texted him, "hey, flights are so cheap so I bought a ticket. I'll be there on Nov. 13th. Let's just have dinner. I want to gaze into those amazing blue eyes." That was yesterday--haven't heard back yet. I'm sure he's processing it--he wants to see me, he wants more than dinner--but he's living with his GF. BUT-----and this is a big BUT---he has never admitted to having a girlfriend. He doesn't know I stalk him LOL yes I read his facebook and his GF's twitter--hey, if I didn't, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on with him! it's a way to protect myself. Yes, and torture myself, that's true.  He told me a couple weeks ago basically not to come, that seeing me sexually "isn't healthy for me right now, I'm trying to do too much", whatever the fuck that means. He talks so cryptically. Why won't he just admit he's got a GF and they're getting serious? Because he doesn't want to hurt me? Please. Yeah right. It's because he doesn't want me to go away. He wants to know that I'll always be here for him when he wants me. It's like in Toy Story, I don't know which one, I think the first, where Woody says, "It's not how much we're played with; it's that we're here when Andy needs us." That's me for Mickey. It's not how much he plays with me, it's that I'm here when he wants me. Don't tell me I'm pathetic. I already know I am. 


I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine about Mickey, and it really sums up why I put up with him. We were talking about being "in love", and what does that really mean? Is it possessive? What if it's not reciprocated? And I told her, for me being "in love" is this: it's thinking about the other person 24/7. It means that no matter what you are doing, you are thinking about them. It is worrying about their well-being. It means that if they were in trouble or sick you would answer the phone in the middle of the night and listen. It means you'd jump on a plane and be there for them at the drop of a hat. It means you'd give them money you don't have if they were struggling financially. Being "in love" to me means all these things. And no matter how much I'd like it to go away, it hasn't where Mickey is concerned. It's been almost 8 years we've known each other now, and the only way I'll ever truly get over him is probably when I die. I have 2 great loves in my life--him, and my hubby. 


                                      *******************


I'm sorry I haven't had time to tell you all about my hubby's girlfriends' visit. And I'm sorry to say I've run out of time right now. My life has been so hectic and insane, but I PROMISE to write this week. You deserve to hear it. It was a very trying week, good and bad, sexy and unsexy. You will enjoy it though.


Have a good day my beloved readers, and oh, yes, now you know what I look like. Let me know if that changes anything for you in how you perceived me. Did I lack credibility before by hiding my identity? It's scary for me but I thought it necessary. I hope you all approve. I did it for you.


Love,
Anna XO

NEW PIC FOR MY READERS!

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved to see that I'm real, so here I am. I posted a pic of my face for you all.

New profile pic and catching up

Hello my dear readers, I'm sorry so much has happened and I've been so busy I'm way behind. I know you all want to know how it went with my hubby new GF here....and I will tell you everything. I promise. But in the last 2 days there's been a new development with Mickey that I just have to get off my chest.

I have been trying to plan a trip to go see him for 2 weeks now. I'd have bought my plane ticket already but fucking Mickey wouldn't answer my texts or my IM's and so I didn't know if he was going to show up or not. I wanted to make sure what day off he would get so I planned well. We did play phone tag--it was sooo nice to have him call me nearly every day, or he'd answer the phone the second it rang when I called him, but we never talked for more than a couple minutes. He'd wake me in the middle of the night, and apologize for waking me, and then he'd tell me he'd call me tomorrow. This went on for the whole 2 weeks. He'd call me from work and have to hang up and wouldn't call me back till the next day. It was so schizo.

Finally, two days ago, out of the blue (his last text to me was June 2nd) I get a text from him that says, "I can't have you come see me. Having you in my life sexually is not healthy for me. I'm trying to focus on way too much."  I was shocked and sat on that for about a half hour. I was sad, but not surprised. We've been through this before, it's not the first time, so I was disappointed but ok with it. I remember the first time he did this to me---it was 7 years ago.  We had a Friday night date and he called me and told me, "I can't do this anymore", and how I was crying so hard, I was distraught--pleading with him to reconsider. I drove to his apartment and met him there--we sat in my car and he was cold as ice. That was the first time he broke my heart. It wasn't but 2 weeks later he was in my bed.

So I read his text and knew it was that night all over again, only I'm 1800 miles away so I can't just drive there and beg him to reconsider. And I'm a different girl now--I know he'll come back to me, and I told him so.  I asked him what was going on, what changed--that he had said he was single and had asked me to come see him, so WTF? And you know what??! He won't say it. He won't say he has a GF or that they're getting serious cuz he doesn't want to lose me. He talks so cryptically. "I'm not sure about anything right now," he told me. "What aren't you sure about?" I ask. "Work and such", he answers. Refusing to talk about anything in any detail whatsoever.

Knowing full well he wants me and will come back to me, first I was compassionate and told him I was sorry to hear. I was texting my best GF at the same time to get advice, and she thought I ought to tell him about "B". So I did. I said I was going to LA to see my BF and wish I was with him instead. He wrote me, "If I were even to see you now I can't stay the night or spend the day with you like I'd want". Oh happy day!! SEE???!! He DOES still want me!! So that was good enough for me.

I decided to tease him then--told him, "hey! Meet me in LA!!!" he said simply, "Can't".  I sent a sad face, and asked if he'd come here instead. He said he wasn't sure! Which meant "maybe I willl" or "I want to so fucking bad but can't figure out how to actually get away with it." Then my very sexiest naked pic of myself and said, "just to tease you...." and he loved it. It went on from there--I told him about my hubby's GF and sent him a couple pics of the two of us together and he loved them. He asked for more.

I know my Mickey. He loves to be single, he loves to be free. He hates to be tied down. He is a commitment-phobe and he will tire of her. I just have to be patient and not bug him, but yet, at the same time, he craves those texts from me that I am thinking of him.

The last thing I haven't told you is yes, I stalk him on Facebook. He and his GF have pages and although her wall is private, her info is not. It has always said under the relationship status that she is "complicated with...." and Mickey's name and pic. His is private so I can't read it, but I happened to look at their pages again last night and hers said instead, "in a domestic partnership with Mickey." WTF??? I looked at his page, and on his wall he'd written, "sorry, no, I'm not engaged, just clicked the wrong relationship status. I'm not getting married quite yet." To which a female friend who looks about my age wrote, "you're such a tease!" Just tonight I looked at them again and a guy friend wrote on her page, "Are you guys gay?" hahaha yeah WTF a "domestic partnership" doesn't sound very hot or sexy. More like roommates.

I know, I know, I'm just fooling myself. They are living together. But I asked him a few weeks ago--"are you in love?" and he said a resounding NO! So who knows.

I have to let go eventually--maybe he is getting serious about her and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I need to just let go right now, before I get hurt again. I'm really ok, more disappointed than anything, but sad too.

I'm thinner and in better shape than ever cuz I knew I was going to see him. Well, it will be appreciate by  B! I am excited to see him.

I'll tell you all about my hubby's GF as soon as I have time. It's the middle of the night right now and I have to get up at 6:30 am.

Oh wow!! B is calling!! yay!!! Just when I needed him.

Thanks for reading, and good night.

Love and kisses,
Anna XOXOX

My hubby's GF is coming to visit--and I'm getting anxious

I am SO glad the kids are in school all day long so I have some time alone to myself tomorrow to reflect on the upcoming weekend's events. My hubby's new GF is flying out here on Saturday, and I'm just a mess of mixed feelings.  I can bring out my inner lesbian for a night, if I drink enough, but a whole week?? I'm feeling very anxious. She is almost a complete stranger to me--we do text a little and write on Facebook now and then but she is HIS acquaintance, not mine. I've got to do this for my hubby. He does SO much for me.  He deserves this, I know he does.

My BFF tells me to just embrace her and do it for my hubby.

I want to . I really do. I know she isn't planning on trying to steal my hubby. She sent him a text yesterday that said simply, "I had a dream I was kissing your wife." oooo well isn't THAT interesting??!! So....anyway, I'm going to try to really be a good hostess and be very nice and polite and hopefully drink enough to have some great threesome sex!! I PROMISE to write next week and fill y'all in on our extracurricular activities!!

I told B I went to the gyno (I actually didn't---I looked up info online) and told him I got a "green light". He texted me back ASAP wanting to know what my timeframe was. I said I was planning on coming to see him mid-October. He is soooo excited!!!! (I am too!)

I can't decide how to plan my trip! I want to work in seeing my parents as well--should I see them first? I know I can't wait to see Mickey. I think I'll go see my parents first, then drive to LA and see B and maybe spend the night in LA. Then fly out to see Mickey in Oregon the next morning, it'll be a quick flight. Then fly home, with Mickey's touch still fresh on my skin, his scent still on my body. I want him to drive me to the airport, kiss me goodbye, and drive away thinking about ME. I really can't wait to see him. It's been a year since we saw each other.

I just love how intense he gets with me. He writes me in the middle of the night--"where are you? why aren't you writing me? Talk to me". It's so awesome. I feel so happy.

On a different note, I did meet someone FINALLY who lives in the same city as me!! He is 21, super good-looking--long black hair, dark eyes, very sexy. He took yesterday off from work to meet me but neglected to tell me and I was too busy to see him! I couldn't just drop everything--sadly LOL We are still trying to get together.

I'm still playing tennis with my boss at least once a week, sometimes two, and I'm feeling more and more at ease around him. He's letting his hair grow, and has that stubble from not shaving that is oh so sexy. When he talks I find myself imagining kissing him and realize that I'm not listening! One of these days when he calls me on it, I may have to nerve to admit why. We are working together tomorrow night--a special function--and I don't have to wear my dorky uniform so I plan on flirting heavily with him. My new fantasy about him is to go with him to the storage closet and shut the door (which automatically looks from the outside) and grab him and plant a big wet kiss on that sexy mouth! He's got the most perfect straight, white teeth (next to Mickey) and I'm telling you, the stubble is hella sexy.

Bedtime now my dears. I'll be too busy drinking, smoking pot, and being naked to write till next week so hope y'all have a great weekend and I'll fill you all in on this weekend's shenanigans on Friday (next Friday).

Love always,
Anna XOXOXO

My vibrator and I give Mickey a show he'll never forget

"You're soooooo pretty!!" Mickey cooed into the phone to me, gazing at me onscreen with somewhat sad puppy dog eyes. We were on yahoo messenger this morning, both on our webcams, and neither of us could stop smiling. It was so wonderful seeing his face again, after such a long time, and he clearly was happy to see mine as well.

The familiar chime on my iPhone woke me up about 3 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. "Hey", Mickey texted. We chatted off and on for about an hour while I got my kids off to school. Happily he said, "want to get on webcam?" and I decided right then and there that this offer was better than my plans to hit the gym, so I said, "Sure! Gimme 10 minutes. I want to look good for you." I turned on my curling iron and put on a little bit of makeup, found a sexy red lacy nightgown that showed off my breasts (Mickey's favorites) and I was online.

The minute I saw his face I started smiling. He was smiling too. It was wonderful. Like no time had passed. He looked as hot as ever, his long black hair all disheveled around his face, his lip ring dangling ever so teasingly, his full-sleeve tattoos so colorful and sexy. He was wearing a black T-shirt, and I was just salivating. Then he moved his laptop so I could see better--and he had his cock and balls peeking out from his underwear, these "tighty-whitey" undies in green and blue. I was shocked and laughed and wrote, "very hot!" He laughed and tucked them back in.

We wrote to each other as we gazed nervously at each other. I suggested Skype since on that webcam you can talk to each other. I told him I wanted to hear his voice. He couldn't remember his Skype name (yay, means he hasn't been using it with some other girl). I saw him pick up his phone, and I was tempted to write, 'who are you calling?" cuz that's really bad ettiquette--to be on webcam and call someone else. I was miffed instantly, until I heard his song, "Mickey" by Toni Basil start playing. He was calling ME!! haha (joke was on me!) I looked at my phone and sure enough, there was his face, the pic I'd chosen, and his name.

I answered in my best Lauren Bacall voice, a husky, "hey you", and he sounded just as sexy back. It was so wonderful, hearing his voice again. I told him so. He said all the right things again, just as always. After a few minutes he pulled out his cock again and started touching himself. He said, "show me those beautiful tits of yours", so I pulled down the red straps to my nightgown and gave him a little glimpse. Teasing him. He rubbed himself watching and yeah, I was getting very turned on! The whole time this was going on, he was talking to me, telling me how much he wanted me to come see him. He said, "I'm off work on Mondays and Tuesdays, and if you come then I'll get to spend the whole night with you." I smiled inside and out and said I'd see what I could do. Hubby travels a lot with work and the kids have school weekdays so not sure but I'd see what I could arrange. He told me, "Just give me a date." I said I'd let him know. I told him I hadn't bought a plane ticket yet so I'd check and see what I could do.

He also told me he was in trouble of being fired. That poor guy has issues, for sure, but he's always been a good worker. He's had this job like 6 years, so I asked him what's going on. He said, "they're douchebags!" and didn't want to talk about it. I let it go. He just wanted to focus on me.

He kept asking me, "when are you coming here?" lol then I broached the subject that was lingering in the air---what about his GIRLFRIEND?!?! He said, "let's not go there right now", so I laughed and said, "ok". I said, "I know you're not in love with her. You told me so." He said, "you're right, I'm not." I said, 'You're in love with me!" Now he has NEVER used the "L" word with me, and no, he didn't, but he did say, "yeah, that's it", so that made me happy! He said he wants to come visit me and plans to. He said, "I just might move in with you." I said, "really???" ecstatically and he said, "yeah, and it might be soon if they fire me." I said, "don't tease me!" which made him laugh. He was obviously in pain and in his own weird way was reaching out for sympathy, to be understood and heard. He knows I will give it to him.

He asked to see more of me, and I obliged. He was very complimentary and kept gently telling me what he wanted me to do, and what he wanted to do to me when I come to visit. He also asked where my hubby was several times, and that sometime he wanted to watch us both having sex. I told him, 'sure! that would be fun!" Since he has seen it in person I'm sure he'd like to watch us again. He said he wants to DP me with my hubby. I've never done that with anyone, not really crazy about the idea but said for him I'd try it. I trust them both to be gentle and to stop if I asked them to. So, WTF, I told him yeah, that would be ok. It was all fantasy right now anyway. Then he slipped off his undies and was just in his T-shirt. I said, 'Take off your T-shirt!" and he refused! I was like, WTF? Ok whatever! I said I want to see your chest. I love all your tats, I want to see them. He giggled and said, 'no, I've gained a few pounds", so I respected that. LOL Even though I couldn't see a trace of fat anywhere. He looked the same to me.

He asked if I had any toys. Yep of course I do! I told him, and went to get a vibrator. I grabbed the first one I found, and the batteries were dead LOL and we both laughed. I used it anyway, and he said he wanted to watch me come. And of course, since we were on the phone together, he heard all my heavy breathing and panting, and he stroked his cock harder and harder as I got more and more excited. Which I did for him, right there on camera. I've never done THAT before for anybody! It was so exciting. OMG I was splayed out on my bed, legs spread, back arched and stroking myself with a purple vibrator and watching him stroking his cock, watching me, holding the phone with his other hand, and that gaze in his eyes, very sexy. Since the batteries were dead I had to work that thing back and forth but it worked, I had a huge orgasm right there on camera for my Mickey. He loved it. I was a bit embarrassed afterward but he thanked me and kept telling me how much he loved it and couldn't wait to be with me.

After a few more minutes, he said he had to go. I said I did too, and I blew him a kiss onscreen for him and said goodbye. He was looking right at me and smiled, and gave me a "bye" in that sexy, breathy voice of his.  I don't know if the GF came in the room or what. After I clicked "off", I could still see him onscreen, and he kept stroking his cock for about a minute then turned off the camera. He didn't come, and that was disappointing, but oh well. It was still awesome.

I can't believe what that boy does to me. I'm old enough to be his mom, AND his girlfriend's mom. He's 27 and she's 20. But he doesn't see me that way. I'm a woman, a REAL woman, and he knows I'm crazy about him.

I think I'm going to be smiling a lot today.

Finding happiness in the middle of the night

Long after I'd gone to sleep two nights ago, I hear the familiar chime on my iPhone on my nightstand. It's Mickey. FINALLY. He's on yahoo messenger at long last, and writes me his usual, "what's up?" like a whole month hasn't passed but just a few days.

How I longed for the strength to ignore him. I laid there in the dark, staring at his user name, and his words, but I was too happy and relieved to have any sort of resolve. I wrote him back immediately, "hey sexy man, where've you been?" Thanks to my detective work (called Google) I knew I wasn't going to take any excuses.

He started in with his usual, "busy". I said, 'Bullshit". Ok, I actually didn't say that, but I wanted to. That's what I was thinking. I ignore it and asked if he'd gotten a phone yet--knowing full well he did. Yeah, he said. I asked him what hasn't he called or texted me? Had he changed his number? He said no, same number. I said I'd texted and called him and no response. He said simply, "my GF  gets mad." Hmmm.

Since he doesn't actually talk in complete sentences on yahoo messenger, I ask them and wait for answers. I was bold and pretty straightforward. Even though I'd been sound asleep moments earlier. The gist of his situation is this--he's back and forth with the same GF he'd cheated on with me that fateful June 25th day in that hotel room way back when I first started this blog!! Two years ago? Three? I can't even remember. Yes, same girlfriend.

I asked him if he was happy with her. He said, "comes and goes." WOW isn't he descriptive? What the hell does that mean??! So I poked and prodded him. Because I always feel that every single encounter with him could be the last. I try to get as much out of him every time JUST IN CASE.

He teased me back.  He said, "you'll be sad when I get married." So I said, "why is that?" hahaha I used to say things like, "oh, I know, I don't know how I'll handle it." But not now. He has worn me down. 

He didn't answer. So I said next, "So! When's the wedding?" and I was about to say, "so I can send my gift" but he quickly answered, "LOL I'm not getting married!" I've been down this road with him before and I know it will come one day. And no, I am not prepared, and yes, he's right, I WILL be sad. I'll be more than that though--I'll be distraught.

But I didn't want to tell him that. So I started teasing him back. I said, "Marry me". He said, "but you're already married." I said, "So I can marry you too. The three of us. I'll be faithful to you and my hubby."

He was like, hmmm, what do I say to that?? He just said, "How would that work?" and I said, "very well actually! You'll get everything you want. Emotionally, financially, in every way." I could tell he was intrigued.

I teased him further to show I wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't mind sharing him as long as he was in my life. I said he could date others even if I was faithful to him. He was just floored. He said, "are you trying to bribe me?" and I said, " Hey, whatever works!!" lol

I then said, "I'll be your GF is cute. Is she into girls? Let's have a 3sum!" He said, 'No, no, that part of my life with you is separate from her." boo hoo I said too bad LOL I told him I had a boyfriend in LA and that I'm going to see him in a few weeks (B). He got jealous! Yay! I told him, "nah, I'm just going to see my parents. I want to stop and see you" So we talked about me getting a posh hotel room near him and him coming to see me. He truly wants to, I know he does, but he is "trying to be a good boy" so I'm not planning on going to see him now.

That did lead to an interesting conversation about non-monogamy, and how it doesn't work for us or most people, although they won't admit it. I said, "do you think for a second your GF doesn't have the hots for other guys? Of course she does, but she can't tell you, just like you can't tell her about me." OH I forgot to tell you!!! I asked him about the card I sent. "What card?" was his response. I told him about it, and then asked, "does your GF get your mail?" he said yes, I said, "Well, that explains why you never got it. I'm certain she intercepted it." He said nothing.

So....anyway...he's still online, 2 days later, and writing me all the time again. Why now? What has changed?? Nothing, he's still involved with her. But I did tell him, "you always come back to me." After a long pause, he said, "you're right, I do." 

So we'll see where this goes. My heart has hardened and I'm tougher than I used to be. I get him now, like I never got him before, and I actually feel sorry for his girlfriend, because he has broken her heart so many times (I know from her poetry I found online--thank you again Google) and he will break it again. I don't know if I want him that badly anymore. We should both dump him!!!

Damn it's those blue eyes, those dimples, that sexy voice and the way he makes us feel.

Fuck.

A new movie is out about swinging

There's a new movie that just came out called, "Swinging With the Finkles", and I just heard about it. I saw the trailer, and I had to run straight to my laptop and tell you all about it! It stars Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore as your typical adorable but bored married couple who decide to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by swinging with another married couple. I have not seen it yet---I merely saw a pop-up ad for it on Facebook this morning.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd probably laugh my head off at this movie, like my teenage son did when he and his teenage friends watched "Hall Pass". The subtext goes right over their immature pre-frontal-cortex brains. I tried to have a conversation about that movie and it was futile--he thought it was insanely funny and for that, Hollywood succeeded.

This appears to me to be another lame Hollywood attempt to broach the subject of what to do when married couples hit that inevitable plateau in their sex lives. The biggest problem with these types of movies is that they are made to be palatable for everyone, because the more people that go to see it, the more money they'll make. And Hollywood is all about the bottom line.

Since I haven't seen the film (and intend to do so ASAP) I will instead offer what I wish Hollywood, or most likely, an Idie film company do. And readers, if you know of such a film exists, I hope you'll let me know.

It seems from the trailer that as this married couple decide to find another couple to swing with, they "interview" prospective couples from the living room couch the way you'd interview a housekeeper or babysitter.  Those of us who are ACTUAL swingers know it doesn't work that way! First of all, how did they end up on their couch? Will Hollywood show the Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist ads of this couple? No, probably not.

What I do like from the trailer, however, is the subject of man-with- man sex is addressed. But, of course, it appears it takes the subject lightly--"this doesn't mean I'm gay does it?" the husband asks the other man. "Of course not", he says. I would like to see a man embracing his bi-sexuality. Why can't he enjoy his gay side? If anyone cares to know this, the Kinsey scale on pure heterosexuality is not the norm.  I get so so tired of it being socially acceptable for women to be tit-on-tit but two penises touching? So scandalous!!! Check it out on Kinsey's official site: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html#what

I would like to see, and maybe if it doesn't exist I should write it---the serious, sometimes funny, always sexy and raunchy truth about swinging. Wouldn't you? Is America truly not ready for the truth? After all, "Swinging with the Finkles" is a British movie.

That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to write it myself.

Who should star in it? How about two completely unknown and talented actors?

Gotta go.

Check out the trailer: http://youtu.be/6tKycPLM0po

time for a little contemplation...

Hello readers!!!  I welcome new readers and cherish my daily followers. I love to read your blogs as well and I always welcome your comments.

Since my hubby and I started this lifestyle, one of the things that's been the hardest is the secret factor. We have found we live in a sort of sexy bubble, and that very few people we've allowed inside. Friends we've told are usually in the lifestyle too, which is always a relief to be able to share this part of ourselves. We have told NO family, and honestly, with the exceptions of our lovers, only 5 people know. My two best GF's in the whole world and my hubby's best guy buddy he's known for over 20 years. And one other couple who we aren't intimate with (yet--wink wink). That's it. It's a very small circle.

Keeping this a secret can be challenging, especially with my cell phone. Even if it's on vibrate (ooohh) my kids have a knack for picking it up and saying, "mommy! Whos' Mickey?" and further, "who is 555-1212 and why do they keep calling you?" I have to be VERY careful.

Our worst fear, of course, isn't that the kids find out, it's that they suspect one of us is cheating on the other. We do agree that would be worse.

So--why don't we tell them??

We have been doing our research on that very subject. There is a great book we both just read tackling that subject--it's called "Love You Two" by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. It's a great work of fiction--the first of its kind actually, about a teenage daughter who stumbles across her mother's diary and finds out she has a male lover who is accepted by the father. It's a story of a teenage daughter's shock and hurt and confusion over this new information and how she deals with it. If affects her relationship with her mother of course. My biggest problem with the book is the father is rarely mentioned. He is just a silent, nodding-in-affirmation character with no voice. He never sits down and talks to her about his involvement or how it feels for him, and she doesn't really show any need to discuss it with him. All her emotion is directed at her mother. It is a good book in the way that I think her reactions are typical of what a teenager would do and feel.

We think our youngest would do fine. She's young enough, and she's actually said some interesting things to me from time to time that make me wonder if she somehow, on some level, already knows. For instance, we were at the beach a few weeks ago, and we were talking about her big brother (who's 16) and all the cute girls on the beach he'd like if he were with us. She said, "You should find a boyfriend Mommy!" I was like, "WTF??" So I said, "I'm married to your daddy sweetheart! I can't have a boyfriend too!" and she said, "Why not? You're hot and I see them stare at you!" OMG this came from my twelve-year-old!! I was perplexed. It would've been a perfect opportunity to tell her....only I was completely unprepared.

My Internet research has affirmed that the younger they find out, the easier it is for them to accept it. BUT--once they're in their teens, it really can be harmful and destructive. Emphasis on "can be"---all kids are different. It's something we think about all the time. In the meantime, we are just very careful.

When Mickey first came into our lives, our kids were very small. Our oldest was 8 and the youngest was 4. They went to bed at 10 and what we did after hours they didn't think to question. Weekend trips away? Yay! Fun with Grandma! It's so different now that they're older--they ask more questions--where did we go, who did we see? We have a great relationship with our kids--we are more open and honest with sex and we talk about everything--except our own sex lives.

Readers? I'm appealing to you. Those of you in the lifestyle with kids--how do you handle everything? Have you told your children, your parents, siblings, co-workers? Reactions? I'd really love to know.

Have a great day.
Love,
Anna XOXO

Hello dear readers, hope you're all enjoying this wonderful summer. I had a nightmare about snow last night LOL I just don't want this warm weather to end! I like walking around in a cami and Daisy-Dukes and flip-flops. I just can't imagine Uggs and gloves and all. Bleh!

Enough of that.

My phone has been busy as usual--haven't heard a peep outta Mickey for about a week, but B has kept me so busy I haven't missed him. He calls me almost every day, texts me constantly. Hubby and I talked over the weekend and we decided to try for his baby! I knew B was waiting to hear from me, so yesterday I just sent him this text--"Let's make a baby sexy man!" and that got the floodgates going!

O-M-G I can't describe what it feels like to have him call me all the time. This gorgeous, Johnny Depp lookalike actor and model on a very famous TV show. My kids would recognize him immediately. What would it be like to REALLY have his baby?? It would mean that he'd be in my life forever. It would mean getting to know him well, having him around. It's so weird. I remember being at his house, and the guys from his show called and they were getting together for a BBQ. I sooo badly wanted to go. I wanted to be asked. I wasn't. He didn't ask me to go with him. I remember feeling hurt and stupid and so skanky----I was good enough to sleep with but not pretty or famous enough to go to a cast party. It stung but I knew I had just met him and maybe in the future I'd be invited.

Well we moved clear across the country---and even though we're 1800 miles apart, he has apparently never stopped thinking about me. I asked him yesterday, "why me?" I mean, he's around gorgeous models all the time, and other famous actresses. He could get anyone. He just sighed and said he didn't want anyone else (to have his baby). He's not professing his love for me. I said, "you're crazy, you know that? " with a laugh. He told me I was crazy too. I said yeah I am. I really don't get him but whatever. I know I could fall in love with him, he's the most perfect looking guy I've ever seen, hung like a horse, but oh so sweet and tender and actually I sense he's fragile. The big ego hides it.

Darin is still in the picture, writes me on yahoo messenger almost every day. Just waiting till he says he's coming to town and we'll hook up. He's sooo fucking hot. I love his lip ring. Drives me nuts.

Remember Danny, the Abercrombie model?? OMG I was in the mall shopping for back-to-school clothes for my daughter, and there he was, a full-size wall pic of him waist up! I almost shit my pants. I just smiled and thought to myself about our nasty Skype fun and when I had a private moment, looked on my phone of the naked pics of him I took while he was on Skype. Yummmy. Damn! I must text him and see if the compliment hooks him back.

Back to B--he wanted to know when. I told him my band was going on tour and we needed to get together when we get back, that I'd go to the doctor and make sure I was good to go. Truth is, my friends, I doubt I can get pregnant. I went into early menopause (like 10 years too early!) but not sure of my fertility. I told him the truth and we'll see what doctor says. Would I lie just to fuck him again?? Absolutely!!

WOW!!!! B is back--full speed ahead!

OMG "B" hasn't stopped texting me, and today he called me 3 times. When I didn't answer, he texted me, "Pick up! Why won't you talk to me??" It was wonderful! I told him, "I'm at work. I can't talk." He said, "Just listen! All you have to do is listen!" I thought he was cute. I told him I'd go for a bathroom break and so I did and I called him back. It was amazing. His voice is smooth as chocolate pudding.

"Hi sexy!" he breathed with that velvet voice of his. "I'm so happy to hear from you!" We chatted for about 5 minutes--I had to get back to work. He told me, "You call me ANYTIME. I will pick up. Text me ANYTIME. I will text you back. You're #1". I was speechless.

It has been about 6 months since I last talked to him, so his response really caught me by surprise. He said he had never stopped thinking about me---even though I moved clear across the country. He's still talking about me having his baby! I played along, cuz I just can't understand a guy wanting someone he hardly knows to have his baby. He was all detail. He asked about my cycle and when I ovulate and all. Of course he then had to send me a pic of his 10 inch cock he was stroking thinking about us being together. He shot his cum into a shot glass and said, "Our children are in here!" I giggled, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I said, "Aw, how sweet!" hahaha I really couldn't believe it. If I told anyone who this was they'd never believe me. I'd be on every tabloid cover. It's enough to want to just have his baby and I'd be fucking famous.

He said he doesn't really want to be a full-time dad, he knows how I'm such a good mommy and so loving and I'd raise him/her amazing. He said such sweet things to me. He said my hubby would be the "REAL" dad and that he'd of course want to stay in touch and see the child but wouldn't interfere. He said he'd be curious what it would look like and be like, if he/she was musical like him and talented. I just played along cuz it was fun--and I loved the connection with him.

We texted all morning until the phone call. I needed a break from him he was so intense. I said I would think about it. He said talk to hubby and see what he thinks. Believe it or not, I'd do it. It would be awesome. I wanted to have Mickey's baby--I told him that last time we talked--he said too he knew I'd be a great mom cuz I am one--but he's not ready yet. I told him to let me know ;)

I remember when B and I were fucking---me on top, and his phone was on the night stand. It fucking rang constantly. It was either ringing or he was getting texts, it was ridiculous. I remember saying to him, "someone's trying to get ahold of you", it was so distracting and annoying. He said, "oh yeah, it's always like that." Such is the life of a movie star. So--to have him say, "call me anytime, I'll pick up. Text me anytime, I'll text you back", felt amazing. I felt so important to him. Wow, me??? Number one on your list? Ahead of the directors and casting people and managers and everyone?? Wow. I was speechless.

I sent him some of the pics I took for Darin last night--he loved them!! He said I looked better than ever, and, I quote--"Mmmmm u r sexy mommy, sexier than ever. (Anna) your body looks soooo sexy and fertile, let's put a baby in there".  hee hee sooo cute!  

It's almost 2:30 am. I just had to tell you. I am smiling ear-to-ear.

B pops back in the picture and I've got a new hottie!

Hello again dear readers, I just got back late last night and I was so wound up I couldn't sleep. I should've just grabbed my laptop and wrote this post because it was all I could think about!!!

Where do I begin??

Although not much has really happened this week--I went with hubby and kids to a family gathering out of state, it was all fine and good.  BUT----a drum roll please---tonight out of the blue B started texting me! For those of you who are new to my blog, B is an actor in Hollywood (near where I used to live) and a pretty big star. He's an actor and a model and last I was there,  he was on a HUGE billboard right outside the Chateau Marmont on the Sunset Strip. He is the hottest guy I think I've ever known--hmmm, maybe 2nd to Mickey LOL what can I say that guy is hot. B looks like like Johnny Depp. He even got to meet him and had a part in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. (small, no credit) If I wasn't married I'd marry him in a heartbeat.

I met him when hubby and I were in LA a year ago July. We were staying at the Chateau Marmont and actually had a craigslist ad for a 3sum. He answered, and I ended up going to see him alone. He lives in a mansion 3/4 of the way up the top of Mullholland Drive in the Hollywood Hills. (Anyway, for full story, check out July 12, 2010)

I hear from him sporadically, and I'm always glad to hear from him. He wants me to fly him out so he can get me pregnant! I don't know what it is about him and getting me pregnant! I'm thinking, jeez, you're the rich one, buy your own ticket dude!! haha we'll see if he does. I can't get pregnant anymore---but suffice it to say I'd never tell him cuz I'd love to keep banging him, that's for sure. So I sent him some of the sexy pics I took for Darin (see below) and he loved them. I love that even after a year, he still thinks of me and wants me to come see him, or better yet, he wants to come here and see ME!!

While he was writing me, my new beau I'll call Darin started texting me. He's fucking hot. He's 22, shoulder-length brown hair, brown eyes, and a drummer (I know, another drummer....). What can I say, I've got a thing for musicians!! He's beyond cute. Not mature-cute like B, who's 27 now. Anyway, I'm babbling. I put on a fashion show for him--I tried on a few sexy outfits and took pics of myself and kept sending them to him. He loved them. It was so fun. He was sending me pics of him too at the same time. It was so fun. I love his sense of humor and the fact that he thinks I'm absolutely gorgeous!! yay!!

All is quiet on the Nico and Mickey front. I'm not going to talk about Nico anymore after this. I don't know what his fucking problem is. I have NO FUCKING IDEA. But he's a liar--he said he doesn't play games and hates people who do. Why can't he have the balls to tell me what's wrong?? I honestly don't know what happened. As the days go by and I don't hear from him I just tell myself, he's 21. He's immature. WTF. There are 9 billion people on this planet. And judging from my dating site, there are plenty who want to meet me so I'll just keep searching. Just like Jake, something happened, I'll never know what.

OH! I forgot to tell you about my tennis date with my boss!!!

Well, I was nervous. I kept waiting for him to cancel but he didn't! I went to the front desk to check in and they said, "He's waiting on court 8 for you". I was like, wow! He got here early! I knew I looked cute in my pink tennis outfit and had my hair up nice and curly.

I could tell he was nervous too. It was very awkward to be honest--we both clearly have the hots for each other but he assumes since I'm married I'm off-limits, and I haven't ever been alone with him to tell him about our lifestyle. So......we played tennis. We started with just easy rallys and he got bored with that and wanted to compete, so we did. I beat him every game, and then my serves started to get horrible from nerves and he won 3 out of 7 (yay me!) so we played another round of best out of 7. I won again--4/3.  I love competing with a guy, it's so fun, and I always win ;)

We had the whole back court area to ourselves. I honestly didn't know what to talk about. We did chat in-between games and it was polite chat. Mostly work stuff, very little personal, but he did say something about how he can keep partying all the time, he's working on changing.  He loves living alone, said it was great. That was about it.

He texted me like crazy later that day and today. He wants to play again, asap. We made a date for this week again. He said he wants to play with me every week, to set up a regular playing schedule. I wonder what he thinks about me. Does he think I'm that hard up for a tennis opponent?? (cuz I'm not...)
But we're never going to get anywhere until we do something afterward--like go out for a beer or agree to meet at his apartment!!

So, here I am, horny and hoping something will happen. I'm sick of just texting and flirting. It's getting old. I want someone to show up and not just talk about it!!!

Have a good week everyone. Masturbate and think of me.

(Hee hee!!!)

Same old shit, different day, different guy

Hello my wonderful readers! I hope you are all staying cool in this unbearable heat we've been having. UGH this California girl hates this humidity! BLEH!

Did I ever tell you about my crush on my BOSS???!! Yes, I have a little crush on my boss. I'm certain he feels the same way. He told me once how he remembers the first time he saw me--it was the dead of winter and my hubby and I had gone into the restaurant he bartends at in the afternoon one day. He remembered everything I was wearing, and said I looked "HOT"!! WOW I was amazed! My girlfriend says his whole face lights up whenever he sees me. He's 32, and just moved out and got his own place--he'd been living with his girlfriend.

We text work stuff all the time, boring, but we had a few little flirts the last couple weeks. We both play tennis, and he's been asking me to play him, and everytime we make a date to play one of us cancels. First it was me, then it was him, then there were no courts available, and now we have a tennis date for today!  I am looking forward to it! I get nervous when I know he's watching me and I want to impress of course--I don't want to play badly--but it should be filled with flirtations on both sides so I am excited. Thankfully tennis is one of those sports with totally cute outfits!! YAY!! And I curl my hair and put it up so I look all cute and athletic hahaha

I'm not going to write about Nico. He won't text me back, and I've put myself out there and told him how much I miss him and wonder what I did wrong. His silence speaks volumes---I just wish I knew what I did or said to turn him off. I really have no clue. Lesson learned I guess--I shouldn't have let him read this blog. At least he should have the decency to tell me what I did, or said. It's cruel, it really is, to just ignore me the way he is. I keep hoping to hear that reassuring tri-tone announcement of a text from him saying something like, "I lost my phone", or "my phone went dead, couldn't find the charger", "nothing's wrong, I've just been crazy busy." etc. but as the days go by all I can do is just forget about him. I've gotten over other guys and I can get over him. I'm just SOOOOOOO disappointed!! He truly seemed different. I'm really hurt this time, and the worst part is, I can't even learn from this, I don't know what I did wrong. I surprised myself how much I began to care for him. So--since i don't have any other information otherwise, I will just keep telling myself he's just another asshole passing through my life. Very sad.

My girlfriend told me, "there are 9 billion people in this world. Keep looking!!" and so I am. My dating website never lets me down--I've got 2 new hotties I'm talking to, always hoping for someone who'll stick around and actually meet me and keep something going. I really felt like Nico was THE ONE who'd replace Mickey in my heart but alas, I guess not.

I said I wasn't going to talk about Nico.

Nico, if you're reading this, you know more about me than 99% of my closest friends. I trusted you; I thought what we had was something special.

I miss you.

----sigh----

P.S. I'm going out of town for the next week so I will post a new blog when I return. Until then, I love you my readers, and keep the comments coming! Remember you can send me a private email at Naughtyannahousewife@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter at NawtyAnaHotwife

Have a good weekend everyone!

Love,
Anna XO

Margaret Cho on "The Talk"---about her open marriage

Check it out!!!!

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/06/margaret-cho-on-her-poly-life.html


Now that you've watched it, let me just add that polyamory is NOT polygamy folks!!! Look it up. Jeez.

It's been a strange week.....

That's for sure. Mickey's back, and Nico's gone AWOL.  Unless I contact him first, I don't hear from him. He had a date this week so guess his car is working--which makes me assume he's not interested anymore. He had said that nothing could keep him from me except the car not running...so I'm still holding out hope he'll text me tomorrow and say he's still coming on Saturday, but at this point, I haven't heard from him all week except the one time I texted him. --sigh--I'm very sad, this was a good guy, I still really like him. A lot. Oh well. :`/

Mickey has contacted me every single day this week but yesterday! He writes me in the wee hours of the morning when he gets home from work and he stays up till about 8 am his time and then says "goodnight" and then logs off and it's another 24 hours till I hear from him again. He got on his webcam! Mine wasn't working for whatever stupid reason--but I could see him! OMG I haven't seen his face since August 9th last year when he came to visit. He looks as hot and sexy as always. His hair is short, but not as short as I'd imagined (like a buzz-cut). I was longish around his face, jet-black and he looked really really cute. That disarming smile. Soooo wicked. Dimples and perfectly white and straight teeth. I think all the time about posting a pic of him on here so you could all see him. But--I can't do that. DAMN!!! Maybe some day I'll come out of the proverbial closet and post all my gorgeous men and ladies on here!

Anyway--tee hee--I got sidetracked there for a second---nothing really erotic happened except Mickey was in these boxers he was proud to show off to me--and then took his penis out and flipped it around for me, laughing and being silly the whole time. It was erotic and hilarious at the same time. Then he just pushed it back in his boxers and sat back down on the couch. It was fun. I love that side of him, the silly, mischievous kid. We just chatted then about nothing I can remember--it was just so nice seeing his face again after almost a year.

He told me he was living with his girlfriend, but had JUST broken up with her. He said, and I quote, "so you can come see me now." Yes, he actually said that. Then I said, "or you come here? I'll let you drive my car!" For you new readers, he loves loves loves my car. (I can't tell you what it is. I have to stay anonymous or I'll have to stop writing.)  He said, "I WILL see you again." yay! I love that I'm first on his mind again. For now.

He's so far away, and I'm lonely and horny now, and I'm frustrated with all these guys who tell me how "hot" I am but just fade away after a few days of texting and exchanging pictures. WTF?? Am I scaring them all away?? My hubby says it's cuz I'm married. They're afraid of The Husband. I guess I have to remember that it's unusual what we do and who we are, and most people think it's weird.

But the thing is, I'm honest and straightforward on my website and I never lie about being married, or that I'm in love with my husband. And that we are swingers, and that although we love threesomes we do allow each other "hall passes" as it were. The guys I talk to always say they don't care, that it doesn't matter, but when it comes time to pin them down for a date, they disappear. It gets so annoying.

I've got so many phone numbers in my cell now I get the guys mixed up. Seriously!! One night I thought I was writing Nico and I was writing a guy I didn't want to have anything to do with. His profile pic was hot but then when we started texting he sent a pic that I didn't care for at all. This happens ALL THE TIME.  VERY ANNOYING!!!! Anyway, I'd say that at any given moment, I've got about 3-5 guys I'm trying out to see if any of them are willing to follow through on their promises.

I'm very picky about who I sleep with. I'm not a sex addict. I'm a love addict. I love the attention, I love the compliments and I love knowing that they're thinking about me. I love knowing that I'm wanted and sought after. When the texts stop coming, it's painful for me and hard for me to just switch it off. I don't give just anyone my number--I get about 25 new messages a day and believe me, I hardly ever write anybody back. So when I do, I mean business. I will show up and sleep with them--if they'd fucking show up!!!!

I'm very tired and sad about Nico's apparent change of heart right now. My hubby has also been out of town for nearly a week and I am lonely and exhausted from work. Nico's been stringing me along for going-on  3 weeks now with the whole  car not working bit and I know I will be sooo sad and disappointed if he doesn't write me tomorrow and tell me he's coming to see me. I will be trying my damndest not to write him first. I'm sure I'll fail at it.

I guess that's it for now.

Bleh.

Same old song and dance--Mickey's back

Mickey is back in my life! According to him, he was never out! He had no idea what I was talking about.

I stay invisible on yahoo messenger a lot, hoping to see that little yellow circle next to his name, which indicates he's online. Remember i googled him and saw he was online playing video games? Yes, I haven't forgotten that. WELL-------yesterday morning, I saw it. The little yellow circle. My heart started pounding and for a moment wasn't going to write him. What the hell, I thought, I'm used to the abuse, I'm sure he won't write me back. He did. The usual, "Hey! What's up?" as if no time had passed. 

He seemed the same old Mickey, just work and struggling to pay his bills. He said he was seeing someone, and teased me they were talking about getting married. As I was choking on his words, he wrote, "j/k---had you worried there huh?" I teased him again about having his baby and what cute kids we'd make and how we are destined to end up together somehow. He agreed. It was fun, it was just like it always is with him.

So I was still in shock, my heart still pounding, wondering, WTF? Jeez get a load of this! He said he never got any of my messages (even the last one, where I said, "Why are you such an asshole!!!") lol I told him, "I wrote you a dozen messages over the last month. You never got any of them?" "nope", he said. Here's why--he said he was robbed. He was in the shower, and he heard his door slam while he was in there. He ran out and realized his phone, wallet, and computer were gone. 

He said he just put this computer together. I believe him because he told me and showed me how he put his iphone 4 together--he'd wanted the white one and bought pieces to it online and put it together. He's handy with computers, he really is, so anyway, he was on iChat and on his webcam and wanted me to get on mine. Unfortunately, yesterday is my busiest day of the week and couldn't. He desperately wanted me to get on with him, and how I wish I could've. 

When I got home from work, he wrote me again. HE WROTE ME FIRST! yes, I know that hardly ever happens and when it does it makes me happy. He was begging me to get on my webcam together but I couldn't. I was having dinner with my family and just not the right time. He was teasing me, telling me what he was wearing, and what he was going to do for me. It was so fun, we were connecting again.

I was disappointed but hey, I'm a patient gal, leave him wanting me. hee hee

Earlier when we were chatting, he'd said he'd cut all his long black hair off! He had said some time back he was going to---I wanted to see how he looked sooo bad. He had confided in me he was really a blonde and had been dyeing it! With his amazing blue eyes I bet he looks good anyway. He said he cut it for work when he got his promotion and all, but he missed his long hair and is trying to grow it out. 

The other thing he said was that he wanted me to fly out to see him, but now he's seeing someone. I took that opportunity to tell him about Nico. I didn't say much, cuz I know how jealous he gets, but I did say that I was seeing someone who reminded me a lot of him and treats me the way I wanted you to treat me. 

If given the chance, I'd tell him more. Sometimes he asks questions about the guys I'm seeing and gets real curious. I know he'd feel threatened by Nico if he knew more. How he and I are Facebook friends, and I'm not his dirty little secret. How he makes me feel the way Mickey used to make me feel. How I trust him more than him, and I haven't even met him yet. 

I'm surprised that I'm not in the least jealous or curious about the girl he's seeing. I know he will tire of her and come back to me. He hurts everyone who cares about him. I feel so much better about him now--I really don't care what he does. It's been more than 8 years we've known each other, and it's taken me this long to see the pattern. I'm the only one left standing, time and again, and he always comes back to me. 

At this point, I'm happy to have him back in my life, but I feel differently than i thought I would. This time, I have no expectations for his behavior. He pops in, he pops out. But I guess he never stops thinking of me either. I'm soooooo glad I met Nico, and that my life is moving forward here. I'm not living in the past anymore, nor living in some fantasyland where Mickey moves here and we live happily ever after. I know now it'll never happen, and so I don't think about it anymore. 

Yes, of course that's what I truly want, but I feel free of that fantasy now. I have completely stopped asking him to move here. It has to come from him, from a deep longing for me and a better life than the one he's living 1800 miles away from me. I can't force it. I feel really free. I can love him and have him pop in and pop out, and I think I get him now. He's a bit of a drama queen, there's always a broken or stolen phone or computer. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. He's a squirrel trying to get a nut--he's a hard worker but the rest of his life is so chaotic. He makes poor choices a lot and he's really immature--I didn't realize it until I met Nico, who's younger than Mickey. Jake too, and Danny, these guys are 18 and 19 and have their shit together more than Mickey. I will always love him, and he knows all he has to do is snap his fingers and I'll come running.

Who knows? Maybe that's not true anymore. 

On second thought, it's not.