Catching up

This will be the most honest blog post I've ever written.

I haven't written anything here since November....????!! I guess you can say I've been a bit busy.

I'm still seeing "James", who I will call "Jesus" going forward bc that's my nickname for him with my friends bc well, he looks like Jesus. Long flowing black hair, bright blue eyes, perfect white teeth and the one-inch or so full beard. He's truly beautiful.

It's been 4-1/2 months we've been seeing each other now, and my life has completely turned upside down. We began seeing each other every Thursday night and with the exception of last night, I've spent the night with him every single Thursday night since we met November 7th.

My hubby hasn't dealt with this well at all (understandably).

In the poly community, they'd call what I have with Jesus "NRE" or "new relationship energy" which is something to be "managed". So for the last four and a half months, I've been head-over-heels for this new guy, and my marriage has taken quite a beating. My husband and I have fought nearly every single day. For a guy that is never jealous, this has caught him quite by surprise.

Early on, things came out of my mouth that shocked the both of us. I said things like, "if you make me choose between you or Jesus, I will choose Jesus." After 26 years of marriage??? Yes. I truly felt that way.

And I still do. How the fuck can he possibly stay with me?

I think he just knows me better than I know myself. I think he knows it's some sort of mid-life crisis. I mean come on. My boyfriend is 26 years old. I'm twice his age. It can't "go" anywhere. He wants a wife and kids someday. And he should have that.

And yes, he calls me his girlfriend. I love it. He even commented on a coffee cup I have that says, "good morning gorgeous" that it was "trying to steal my girlfriend" haha. So cute.

We are in love. I said it to him first, and he says it back now. I told my husband I'm not in love with him anymore. But I DO still love him. But not the way he deserves to be loved.

We've almost split up several times now. We've had the most ferocious arguments. He's tried harder than anyone else ever would to tolerate this behavior of mine and try to ride it out. Sometimes he's done quite well while I was staying overnight at Jesus' house, and other times, he would panic and freak out, calling me, or smashing something at home, or getting black-out drunk to try to cope. Once a couple weeks ago we were on a double date with him and he got so verbally and physically abusive he was thrown out of the club. Jesus told me he "never wanted to see his face again". My best girlfriend is done with him too. And me?? I was done and made him sleep in the guest room. And then I took him back two days later.

He begged for a second chance, which actually, is a third chance (bc of the cheating). I felt like the marriage deserved it. And he does too. He's so remorseful, he totally owns how he behaved. But I had to make him see that just bc I will forgive him doesn't mean my boyfriend or best friend will. He says he was black-out drunk and barely remembers it, but he doesn't minimize its effect on us.

And now Jesus won't come to my gigs. And husband knows it's bc of him being in the band. He feels terrible about it but it is what it is.

I went and looked at an apartment and told Jesus all about it. At the time I saw it, I had every intention of moving there alone. I was so hurt and angry at my husband for his behavior. Since then he's worn me down and made me feel compassion instead of anger. It's bc he just kept so many emotions and jealousy under the surface and seeing the two of us together just boiled over for him he said.

"It's still no excuse" he says. He is taking ownership of it. But I can't get his mean angry face out of my head. The finger in my face saying, "FUCK YOU"  over and over again. Pushing me. Seeing my boyfriend jump off a barstool to defend me.

So here we are now, boyfriend and I are doing quite well but something is off. I had to tell him I was giving my husband another chance. I can't lie or pretend I'm divorcing him if I'm not. And it seems he may be pulling back. Our sex life isn't what it used to be. Other than that little thing LOL our relationship seems perfectly fine. My husband went out of town for work this week and I had Jesus over for 3 days. We didn't even leave the house one day. We laugh and talk and cuddle and get along so well, but not enough sex tbh. I have been trying to get up the courage to ask him about it but have failed. The night I was going to try we both got stoned and drunk (kind of what we do lately) and he waxed poetic about how he loves me and told all his friends about me and how they all want their own "MILFY" (his nickname for me). How I take such good care of him. How happy he is. How he'd "do anything" for me.

And he's sooooooo affectionate. He is very gentle and kind and I've never seen him upset or complain about anything. We are twins that way. We really are so much alike. Even when my husband was in his face he just said, "Dude, go home". He said he really wanted to punch him but he wouldn't do that bc of me. And my husband yelled to him, "SHE LOVES YOU. SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME. YOU CAN HAVE HER!!" and that he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want one so why would he say that? Bc he was "trying to get my attention." He sure got it alright.

So idk really what I want---my husband and I both drank the Poly kool-aid through and through and I just don't know if I can manage two relationships at the same time. I think for it to truly work you have to feel the same way about both people. I don't. And that's where my husbands' jealousy comes from. He knows I don't feel the same way about him anymore.

Will I ever?? Things are better right now. We even had sex. But he said I was crying for Jesus the whole time. How sad and pathetic is that?? What the fuck. I do know this partying is getting out of control. It's fun until it isn't.

We are both in therapy and I've called a couple's counselor my therapist recommended but she's out on surgery leave and we are getting impatient. I don't know what's going to happen. I really can't think properly anymore. There's so much drama and emotion going on 24/7.

We are going to Singapore next week. My husband has factories there and I'm tagging along finally. He wanted to get a ticket for Jesus and I just thought it was a bad idea. It was a very hard decision but I still think it was for the best. I will have one day on my own there as well as a 15 hour flight home. I need the alone time to think about what I want.  I am looking forward to the trip and when I get back, hubby will still be gone for an additional 4 days I can have Jesus over.

Anyways, this is why you haven't heard from me for awhile. Things have been so crazy. I'm very happy, happier than I've been in a long time, and it hurts so much to know I'm causing my husband so much pain.

Will keep you posted.

Love always,
Anna xoxoxoxox

Date #2 (technically speaking)

If you drove past me this morning as I was leaving James' apartment, you'd have seen a girl doing the "walk of shame", but one-up worse--I was in heels and it had snowed overnight. At least I wasn't in a dress (jeans whew). I clump-clump-clumped verrrryyy carefully to my snow-covered car, only to realize not only did I not have an ice scraper but I'd also gotten a $35 ticket. Of course the heels I was wearing were open-toed (it was honestly nice out last night! It had warmed up to 40!) so my toes were totally covered in snow and were frozen. I jumped in my car and started the engine, rolled down the passenger window first and brushed the snow off with my hand, and then did the same with the driver's side window.

And the whole while, I was grinning. I was enjoying my predicament to the fullest. I think I even giggled out loud a couple times. Here I am, this mature older woman, a mother, MARRIED, ...and I'm just leaving another man's apartment. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I picked him up and we went to a restaurant here that's a super famous Middle-Eastern place with hookahs. I couldn't tell him that I remember when my teenage daughter asked for money from me to go there once a couple years ago and I read her the riot act. I had never "hookah'd" and it sounded dumb and a waste of money, and something like getting high.

And here I was hehehe

The hostess asked "booth or table?" and James said, "booth please" and she led us to the very last booth in the back of the restaurant! I asked him, "where should I sit?" and he patted the seat and said, "right here beautiful" and I said, "so we can make out?" and he smiled and said, "of course!" And that's what we did. Walking to our table I saw these weird things on everyone's table--I'd say it looks similar to a small bagpipe, and there was someone at each table sucking on one end of it and puffing the vapor out, some quite talented making little circles. I felt like I was in a strange and exotic land.

I ordered a lemon drop martini, and he said he'd try one too, and then we had to order what flavor of hookah. Seems there's an entire menu devoted to just hookah flavors! We chose "Gummy Bear", and next thing I knew, a young guy full of tattoos calmly walks over to our table , sucking on our "bagpipe" thingy and exhales a stream of vapor. I was like, hmmm, that doesn't look sanitary LOL and sure enough, he set the thing up on on our table and took off his mouthpiece and gave us two new ones that were wrapped in cellophane.

I wasn't sure what to expect, and James was having fun describing what the high was going to be like, and kept asking me if I "felt" anything. I said, "it's hard to discern bc I'm on my second martini!" LOL We ordered appetizers--lamb sliders for him (I don't eat most meat) and something we giggled about called "Shawarma" French fries. We both barely ate, we were either having a very lively conversation or making out! It was so so so fun. If I die today I will die a very happy woman.

He's so damn good looking, those blue eyes and hair longer than mine, scruffy beard and he's just as smart. He's a double-major--pre-law and political science and politically active, but not like a Trumper or anything. He isn't even Republican. He's Independent and we agree on just about everything politically which is such a breath of fresh air. The most amazing thing about him isn't his looks tho, he's just as positive a person as I am. NO depressed guy here. He walks on the sunny side of the street just like I do. He's just good vibes all around. And he isn't stingy with the compliments! Which I live for. His nickname for me is "sweet-thing" but he usually calls me "beautiful". I don't know if he even knows my name LOL now that I think of it I don't think he's ever called me by my name! But I haven't either now that I think of it.....hmmm curious!

We talked about everything, and he told me his uncle actually is transgender and is now his aunt, and his grandma is gay! He said she always was but was afraid to come out until his uncle (now aunt) went through his transition. He was an "oops" baby too and raised by his grandparents. So he's had an interesting childhood, and he's very open-minded.

Dinner was just fabulous and I don't mean the food. We barely ate. I paid (I knew he couldn't afford it on his college income LOL) and he said he wanted to take me to the bar we met at (insert heart emoji here). He said he'd get the tab there. I said "deal!" It WAS a nice evening and we walked there. When we got there it was totally packed with young people all wearing team shirts and watching the game on a gigantic screen. He asked me what I wanted--grey goose and diet sprite, and he had grey goose and Red Bull. He asked if I'd do a shot with him and said yeah! He got us both one, it's called something like "rumple mint" and it left our breath fresh and minty so we had to kiss some more! It was so fun being in a bar like that with him. And trust me, I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb bc I was the only one not wearing green. But no one stared. I love the big city, I don't get bullied or stared at for the provocative way I dress. And I'm with a guy nearly half my age! But nobody cares. It's so awesome.

We drank and we talked more, kissed more, smiled constantly (I love his direct eye contact and his eyes are always smiling....just like him). I loved how he remembered things I had told him and he asked a lot of questions this time to really get to know me. I loved it. And I loved how he told me about these friends of his he wants me to meet, and told me how he's told several of them about me! I hope he finds me special! I really don't know how he feels but it's moving at a really nice, healthy pace. I'm cautious and trying really hard not to get smitten.

Finally we decided to go. On the way out, I saw that they had a backdrop so I said excitedly, "let's have someone take our picture! Would that be ok??" and he said "yeah!!!" so I asked a waiter that was walking past me and he said "sure!" After he took it he asked to see it and then asked me to send it to him.

And he LITERALLY JUST TEXTED ME AS I'M WRITING THIS, "DAMN WE LOOK GOOD IN THIS PIC!' and he asked how much the ticket is for.

HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI ETC. ETC. ETC.

Finally we decided to go and do more than make out in public!! I parked across the street (BTW I asked him if he'd like to drive my sports car but he doesn't know how to drive stick! And he thinks it's sexy that I do! I felt lucky to get a spot at all.  Like the gentleman he always is, he held my hand up the stairs.

I lit a candle I had brought him (OMG he only has one light and it's like fucking daylight and I don't do sex in daylight if I can avoid it LOL) and it was perfect. We immediately started kissing and taking our clothes off just like they do in the movies---practically tearing them off. And my favorite thing he does is pick me up and carry me to the bed. It's so romantic and sexy. He's only got a twin bed LOL so there's not a lot of room but we made the best of it. I wanted to make sure he would lick my pussy bc he didn't the last two dates, so at one point after lots of fucking, I straddled him and just put my pussy in his mouth! Thank God he licked it and it was awesome.

We got tired after a couple hours of fucking (neither of us came) and fell asleep in each other's arms for about two hours. One of us woke up and we just started touching each other and pretty soon he was at full salute and we were fucking again! I love love love love love that and that's why I love spending the night bc I love that dreamy state you're in when you've been asleep and wake up horny for each other! We fucked and fucked but we got tired again and this time we mutually masturbated and I came first, which made him so super turned on, and I told him, "let me know when you're going to cum I'll swallow!" so he did, and I did, and I said 'mmm delicious!" as I melted back into his arms.

I had trouble falling asleep; I'm not used to touching someone while I sleep but I honestly didn't care. I loved being touched by him; he sought ME out all night long. When we'd change position, he'd put his hand on my hip, or put his arm around me and draw me in. Very romantic guy. He's very affectionate.

I was tired but really couldn't sleep. I laid there listening to his nice slow breathing, and once or twice look up at him and watch him sleep. He's so beautiful. The sun was coming up and I could hear other people in the building opening and closing doors and talking, and knew I should leave before I overstayed my welcome.

I loved being in his arms. I feel safe and loved. He opened his eyes and we said good morning and kissed, and I was hoping for another round of fucking but something told me to get going.

It was the sound of scraping---the unmistakable sound of someone shoveling snow.

FUCK! SNOW?!?!?!?!

James said, "yep it must've snowed!" I got up on my knees to look out the window an sure enough, it was a winter wonderland. I couldn't see my car and just saw an empty space where a car used to be and panicked my car had gotten towed. While I was pondering my predicament calmly, James was drinking up looking at my naked body and put his hands on my breasts lovingly and squeezed them. I said, "ooo another round??" and he said something, "I'm gonna save that for next time". I said, "good idea I gotta make sure my car is still there!!!" We laughed and went back under the covers and just snuggled. We both started to fall asleep again and I said, "I don't wanna but I gotta get going!"

I found my clothes scattered all over his floor, and as I was putting on the lingerie-type top I had on he was fascinated with it and was telling me how much he loved it and how good it looked on me! How "great" I always look, I've got "great style" and then he made a joke about our dry cleaner (he thinks it's just amazing we have pick-up and delivery service"). It was cute.

I sat on the edge of the bed to put my heels on and commented it wasn't a great choice for walking in the snow. He laughed and said what I was thinking which was we had no idea it was going to snow and it was really nice out last night!

I gave him a kiss, and he returned it with a deep juicy one, and we said goodbye.

And me and my heels did the walk of shame to my car.

Smiling.

For Blondie

One of the most precious moments of my life was the moment about four weeks ago when Blondie said to me, "I want to ask you to be my girlfriend, but you're married. So what do I do about that??!!" I responded enthusiastically, "I can still be your girlfriend!!" He answered, "you CAN??!!" And I said, "YES!! I CAN!!" He then asked me what was my definition of a girlfriend, and I said, "well, she's someone who hurts when you hurt. She's happy when you're happy. And she will do anything in her power to make you happy". He responded with the most beautiful smile, sparkly eyes, and a passionate kiss.

During our date last Friday, as I was driving him home, he asked me about my husband and how this all works. I was unprepared for the question, and I was driving, and having ADD I can't really do two things at the same time well LOL and I think my answer was inadequate. I wish I'd explained it better to Blondie, because I care so much about him and wish I'd given him a better answer. And being that I'm much better at expressing myself in writing than talking, I thought I would answer his question completely here today.

The answer is, "easy". I don't have to "do" anything differently if I wasn't married.

To me, being Blondie's girlfriend means what I told him. That when he hurts, I feel his pain as if it were my own. When he's happy, my world is sunnier. It's really that simple.

It also means I always have his back. It means I never stop thinking about him. And I never will. I will always want to do whatever I can to make him happy. I want to give him everything and be everything to him. I want to go places with him, laugh with him, lay with him. Cook for him, take care of him, buy him things, make him things, and just plain BE with him. I want to be a part of his life. I want to meet his mom, his friends (I've met his roommate!! And he's totally sweet to me!). I want him included at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

So, the real question he might have really been asking me could've been, "Do you have enough time for me? How do I share you with someone else you live with?" The truth is, sharing me is really about time management. We all lead such busy lives. We have jobs, friends, families, hobbies, all sorts of responsibilities. We juggle constantly.

Being Blondie's girlfriend, to me, means he has moved to the top of my list. He is a priority. He is right at the top with my husband and my kids now. Because of the way I feel about him, that's where I want him to be. I can't imagine him being anywhere else. Does he feel this way about me? I don't know. I think he does, since he's the one that asked me to be his girlfriend. I know he's never dated a married woman before, so I know he's not certain how this will work. All I know is, he makes me super happy and all I want is more!!!

Maybe he wonders about our sex life. Do I still fuck my husband? How is it he's really ok with this? I hope that if he wants to know anything, all he has to do is ask. 

I wish I could go on Facebook and click, "In a relationship with Blondie" the way other people can, but I'm sure it wouldn't let me. Maybe someday Facebook will progress to allow someone to be married and "in a relationship" with someone else at the same time. I want bragging rights too!!

But it all comes down to this: All I really want is for him to truly know that yes, I am honored to be his girlfriend, and I want the whole world to know he's my boyfriend. 

He's amazing! 

How to Have a HEALTHY Threesome

Hello dear readers, I promised you a follow-up to my last post, "You Want a WHAT??!!" 
Not being a guy, I don't know the reasons you guys want to have two women in bed with you at the same time; I can only surmise it's because somehow you've been led to believe two is better than one. Using this premise, I have to tell you, honestly, it's NOT. Even though I'm not a guy. BUT---and I don't want to be a hypocrite here---it CAN be one of the best experiences in your life. SO.....this post is about how to have that fantasy come true and not come back to bite you in the ass.

There's kind of 2 parts to this: One, if you're married or have a SO, the rules are very different than if you're single with no girlfriend/engaged or otherwise. The point is, unless your girl is already freaky, she is not going to be coaxed into letting you bring another woman into your bed. Stop asking her. And don't even think about getting her drunk and "accidentally" making out with another girl to "see if she'll go along with it." I see this on Dr. Phil all the time. Let me tell you, you'll regret it. Either get the fantasy out of your head or leave her and go do it, but don't keep pestering her to satisfy your selfish desires.

Part 2: A "truly" single guy. So....I'll start with that scenario, since that's what my Jordan is fantasizing about.

The question he asked me is, can I find another hot woman to go to bed with him and I?? First of all, I give him that he's so very young and inexperienced. Obviously, he hasn't read my previous post LOL and doesn't get that someone who already is into him wouldn't WANT to share him. Pretty much, that sums me up. Sex with him is so fucking amazing; how do I stand to benefit by getting naked with him and some other hot chick? Would it turn me on to see someone half my age sucking his dick? I doubt it. I think it would probably make me even more self-conscious. Sometimes I think, "Nah, Anna, you would have fun. Cuz he's into you... you know it has nothing to do with him losing interest in you. Rather, he thinks you're SO hot he wants to share YOU!!!!! Not the other way around!!!!" I go back and forth. I'm freaky and kinky. I'm not your typical female, and that's what he doesn't understand. He thinks all women think the way I do. This is the problem.

I remember how badly I wanted Mickey when he had that long-term girlfriend. I had done some serious trolling of her (to look for cracks--was he really that happy with her??) and she was, to my surprise, quite adorable. I trolled her FB page so much I began to have a little crush on her myself! With her amazing intelligence (she was a psych major I think), green eyes, her athletic little 110-pound body and full of tattoos, I could totally see why he was so into her. And of course, prodded on by him, Mickey confided in me he wished he could have both of us. I totally could've done it. I still could. 

That's called POLYAMORY. And it truly would be, W O N D E R F U L. It's what I and my hubby have both wanted for many years. 

The reason we haven't been able to find that wonderful person to have a polyamorous relationship with is primarily because we are programmed to want one person, and one person only (see previous post http://weswing-naughtyanna.blogspot.com). 

I told my husband about Jordan's request. He said, "With nearly 5000 FB friends, does he really need you to find him a girl to have sex with??" RIGHT??? He's a model. He's fucking gorgeous. God's gift to women. I truly mean that with every cell in my body. He is gorgeous. He can get anyone he wants. Every pic he posts gets hundreds of 'likes". So then, why can't he scrap together two of his thousands of followers to have sex with him? He said, "I certainly don't know how to go about this." Dear readers, I hope you know the answer.

BECAUSE NONE OF US WANT TO SHARE HIM. WE WANT HIM ALL FOR OURSELVES.

To bring another woman into bed with him would be the ultimate competition. We'd see for ourselves how another woman sucks and fucks. Maybe she doesn't have bigger tits than us but damn she likes it in the ass and I would never do that. Maybe watching him lick her pussy makes us feel a little gay and wonder about our own sexuality. Maybe she likes my tits and starts to rub my nipples. What then???!!! And as he takes turns with us, flipping us over like a well-cooked grilled cheese sandwich, is he comparing us? "Hmm, that one could use a little more time at the gym" or "damn, I never really noticed her cellulite". This is what we woman think about. We are constantly feeling that never-ending competition with other women! Locker rooms are bad enough! Get naked with our guy AND the hot girl whose locker is next to mine?? Are you fucking insane???!!!

I'll let you in on a little secret. Being with another woman in bed (if you're a woman) is one of the smartest things you can do. And one of the most exciting. I totally recommend it.

So.....how do you go about finding another woman to bed your guy with? Is this another post? Hmmm.. am I digressing? 

To answer Jordan's question, what he needs to do is find two women who find him hot who do not know one another. Like a rock stars' groupies, they are two hot chicks and they have all "just met". This is truly the only way this can work. Because the women start completely even. The understanding is, he likes you both EXACTLY THE SAME. YOU'RE BOTH HOT AND HE ISN'T INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH EITHER OF YOU. At least, that's how it starts out.  Maybe you'll all exchange phone numbers and carry on after said sexual threesome. Maybe not. That's not the point. The point is to try to eliminate competition as much as possible.

What kind of woman would want to bed a guy and another girl at the same time? How does a hot single guy find such a girl? Or two for that matter? That is Jordan's question.

It's not easy, I told him, "it's much more complicated than you would think." And sadly, I don't have an easy answer for him. If I did, my hubby would've gotten the threesomes HE'S been fantasizing about now for, oh, ten years or more. Because the women we've gone to bed with turned out to be whores he cheated on me with and brought them home to me like they were brand new toys out of the box. Never been played with. That wasn't true. My point is, Jordan my sweet, this is how we women are. My hubby knew the only way he'd get me to agree to have another woman in our bed is if he lied and manipulated me to get her there.

We nearly divorced over it.

The only way to get another woman, or two women in your bed, is to just find two women you want to have sex with and ASK THEM if they'd be interested in a threesome.

It's called HONESTY folks. It's not about manipulating people by drugging them with booze until their clothes fall off and then taking advantage of them. Everyone needs to be in agreement about what they want and expect from a threesome. Anything less than that will lead to hurt feelings, diseases, and worse, broken marriages and possibly violence. This is serious stuff here. Threesomes are not to be taken lightly if you're in a committed relationship.

If you're truly single like my Jordan, he shouldn't really have too much trouble finding two women to play with. All he has to do is talk to two women he would like to play with--two women who seem a little freaky (tattoos anyone? Multiple piercings? Likes to take selfies?)  and have a group conversation with them. Take them both out for drinks/dinner/coffee and TALK to them. See how they respond. Let them know that you find them both EQUALLY attractive and that it's all about the sex. That you're not looking to get either of them into a relationship or pregnant. Do they feel the same way??

See, what my uninitiated Jordan and million of single (and taken) guys don't realize is that by crossing over into freak land requires a lot more maturity. It requires honesty above all, and LOTS OF TALKING. There's nothing about threesomes or moresomes that is sneaky, manipulative, or coercive. It's open and honest conversation about what thrills and chills you.

I'll end with an example.

My husband and I had our first threesome with another woman when we first opened our marriage about 12 years ago. This woman he had not cheated on me with and she was truly a gal-pal of ours. She was actually one of our son's teachers and that's how we met. She was "truly" single and the three of us just really hit it off. She was cute and fun and open-minded, as we found out over dinner one night months after meeting her. I don't remember how the conversation started, but we got to feeling safe with her and told her about our open marriage (it was only Mickey then). And sure enough, one thing led to another.

And it was AWESOME. 

I never felt threatened by her presence. And my husband felt too guilty to penetrate her; he was worried how I would really feel the next morning (and thereafter) so he did everything else. It was so exciting. I had never been naked with another woman. I had never so much been touched by another woman, or looked at the way she looked at me. She truly was into both of us, and played with us equally. And she made me cum faster than any guy has ever made me cum. It was wicked and nasty and unsettling to feel turned on by another woman. It made me feel so many different feelings, good and bad, nasty and uptight, kinky and fearful. Seeing my husband respond sexually to her was both incredibly upsetting and exciting. 

Afterwards, we all slept together and by morning, I was mostly ready for her to leave so I could gather myself back together. I have never regretted that night with her. We remained great friends and would've probably had more fun with her but she got engaged and we parted ways. 

How did this threesome make my husband feel?? Like a king. Like the proverbial king being fed grapes by his beautiful harem. It was all about him. We were there to make him feel wanted and desired and special. Guys love watching women naked and pleasing one another. It's even better if it's NOT porn and the women are really enjoying what they're doing to one another, not just performing for you. That's not any fun. When she made me cum, he felt like the luckiest guy on the planet, because that let him know that I wasn't jealous or feeling insecure or threatened in any way. I was participating because I WANTED  to be there. I was having as much fun as him. Did I have uncomfortable feelings? Did I have moments of insecurity and jealousy? Of course I did! BUT I got over them. There's no way to describe how life-changing it can be to get over feeling competitive of another woman for your man. Or any man. Just being secure enough in yourself to enjoy another woman's body and affections and not put a label on it. It didn't turn me gay and I'm able to say I am more open sexually now because of that encounter.

And I had quite a few more since. 

So to wrap it up, a threesome is about feeling loved and desired and doted on. It's sharing and enjoying each other's bodies equally, giving pleasure and receiving pleasure in emotionally and physically healthy ways.

I think everyone should have this experience, I truly do. 

Will I find another girl to share my Jordan with? 

Absolutely not. 

Sexy pics for you!

Good morning dear lovlies! Have you enjoyed the pics of my sexy men I posted just for you??? Aren't they delicious???? Feel free to leave me your comments!! And NO you cannot have their phone numbers!!!!

I still don't know when we will get to hook up though unfortunately. My hubby and I are still riding the fucking rollercoaster of his infidelities, and although things are going well, it is still too tenous to add other guys sadly. I do miss my hotties, but they have to be an addition to my life, not a substitute for my hubby. And right now we have to get solid before we go back to swinging again.

We do both miss it. It's just harder now. I'd be ok if he never wanted to be with another female, but how fair is that?? It's not, but hey, I didn't ask to be cheated on so that wasn't fair to ME. I allowed him to have HER but he lied and cheated on me behind my back about her so HE IS THE ONE THAT FUCKED IT ALL UP. 

I am working on me. We are talking more, counseling has been helping. I am trying to find my way. The cognitive dissonance of infidelity does SO much damage, if I can implore you all to be HONEST in every way with the significant other in your life. This whole notion of "trying to protect" them by withholding the truth only hurts worse when the truth finally comes out, and believe me, IT WILL COME OUT. It took 16 years for the truth of his first affair to come out, and it hurts worse and makes it that much harder to recover from. I look at him and wonder, "who the fuck is this person I've been married to all these years??" He's had this secret double life I had NO FUCKING IDEA about. Trying to rebuild trust is THAT much harder by his cowardice in not coming forward. 

If you've cheated on your significant other, I beg you to come clean RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. They deserve to know. They deserve to be able to make their own choices and not have you manipulate them to stay with you. That is honestly the hardest part--I hate my husband for not giving me the opportunity to decide  FOR MYSELF if I wanted to stay with a cheater. He manipulated me into staying for 16 years by withholding the truth from me. How can I ever forgive him for that?? And, in addition, I gave up my friends, my family, my life, my kids' friends and life, to move clear across the country for him. Yes, it's been a good move, but that is because THAT IS WHO I AM. I MAKE THE BEST OF IT. I have moved with him over 8 times during our marriage, and if I'd known he'd cheated on me maybe I'd have divorced him 16 years ago. Or three, after the second affair. HE CHEATED ME OUT OF MAKING CHOICES.

So I implore you to remember this quote from survivinginfidelity.com---"The truth hurts, but lies hurt more."

Enjoy you life by living authentically.

Go and be happy my sexy readers.

I've been in hell, sorry i haven't posted in a while

Hello my dear readers, yes, you read that right, I've been in HELL for 10 weeks now. My hubby and I are having some serious marital problems. That's all I'm going to say on that subject. It's put a hold on our swinging lifestyle and yes, it hasn't been fun at all. I had to tell my two lovers I can't see them anytime soon. I miss them! They text me to check in from time to time but the answer is still the same, not yet. Sorry.

Let me just add this folks--for any of you married folk considering opening up your marriage the way we did--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reconsider. If only ONE of you is truly 'open", it's NOT an open marriage.

The whole idea of an open marriage is a marriage where both people can have sex with other people. The kicker is, YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS WITH OTHER PEOPLE. You have to let the other person know when you find someone attractive, you should be comfortable telling them. If you want to meet that person, have lunch or drinks or kissing or sex, YOU ADMIT IT BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS. Anything less than that is called CHEATING PEOPLE.

Traditional (monogamous) couples know that if one of them is kissing another person, you have broken your wedding vows. If you have sex with someone else, you have broken your vows. If you have an open marriage and do these things without telling your spouse, you have broken your vows. It's no different. You have to honor each other and the committments you have made.

Only one of us truly was capable of having an open marriage. And you can tell from this post, that person is me. I kept honest and true to my marriage and the rules of conduct within an open marriage.

I implore other married couples to do some REAL soul-searching, and maybe some counseling, before opening up your marriage to include other people.

I wish I had.

Love,
Anna XO

Why I took my pic down

Ironically, the same day I posted "My slutty afternoon...", I happened to get a text from a guy I've been chatting with that I met on the dating website, "do you know a woman named (blank)?" I texted him back, 'uh, no, why?" and he said, "well she sure seems to know you. And she had some choice words for you." WTF??!! And he proceeded to tell me she said this about me, and I quote, "...it is a known fact that she is a slut." Ironic huh?! The same day I posted that blog post. Just a couple days ago. Guess I started chatting with a guy who knows someone who knows someone who knows me. And he's been talking about me to her. Great. Fucking great.

So, of course, I freaked out. Fucking fucking freaked out. I looked her up on Facebook and we have a mutual friend. Great. Fucking great. So, either this mutual friend (a guy that used to work at the gym, we are more" aquaintances" than friends) is talking smack about me, or she found my blog. For the record, she looks familiar, but he insists she doesn't go to the gym I go to so I don't think I know her.

I have Googled my blog to see if it can be found, and I've been able to so far keep it discreet. But I freaked out anyway and took my picture off. I couldn't even sleep that whole night, trying to figure out how this chick knows me and why she'd say that about me.

You my dear readers know I'm a swinger, and yes, I love sex. And they are many definitions of the word "slut"-I just looked them up LOL---anywhere from meaning a woman who loves sex to a woman who will have sex with anything that moves. SO......what did she mean by that?! What has she learned about me from this mutual "friend"??!! So yeah, if being a slut means, "a woman who loves sex or has multiple partners", yes, I'm a slut. But how would someone who doesn't even know me think that about me?!

I'm taking her comment to mean someone who'll sleep with anyone and anything, and has no couth. I am extremely selective (I've had 3 lovers in the whole year I've lived here!). And I have not done anything at ALL with anyone at the gym or any of my co-workers. I've been very discreet--only dating guys I've met on the dating site. No one who knows any of my friends or anyone in my circle. So for her to call me a slut, or to think that our mutual friend has said stuff about me, well, after I had my freak-out I calmed down and realized that maybe it's made-up shit on her part. She has nothing on me---UNLESS SHE FOUND THIS BLOG. THAT HAD MY PICTURE ON IT.

I have been very comfortable with all of you seeing me and getting to know me through this blog. I feel more real to complete strangers because as a group, if you're reading my blog, you are probably in the lifestyle too and realize how dangerous a game it is we play. Friends and family, if they were to find out about our secret lives, would ruin us. Isn't it fucked how the world works?? It's more socially acceptable to cheat on your wife or husband than to invite another lover into your bed with their permission.

I decided I'm finished talking to this loose-lipped guy, and also to just let it go for now. I honestly can't think of any reason someone who doesn't even know me would say such a thing about me. I have been very discreet, so maybe she's just jealous. I have no idea. But I think I need to be more careful, more discreet, because sadly, it's painfully obvious society can't handle women who love sex. I can't risk being found out. It's obvious my reputation is on its way to being tarnished and well, if it wasn't for me trying to protect my children and my husband's reputation, I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me. I have considered taking down this blog, but I won't for now. I need to to keep sane, but the thought of losing everything I have is more real now.

Drinks at noon, sex by 1:00!

I'm SO excited to meet my new boytoy!! He's gorgeous. He's got black hair, bright blue eyes, and really full lips, just like Mickey. Damn!! He has been persistent in texting me and we are meeting at noon tomorrow, halfway between where we both live. He lives only 15 minutes away from me!!! I am SO glad I finally found someone attractive who will HOPEFULLY show up!!!

I PROMISE to tell you all about it!

Did I tell you he's only 23???

Half my age.

Yum yum!

The sex is gonna be so awesome....

If you've read that last post of mine, you have a good idea of how I feel about Mickey right now. So--it should go without saying that I did NOT buy a plane ticket to see him. I don't know if I wrote about it, but about 3 days ago, I got tired of waiting for him to respond about the fact that I'd (lied) and said "flights are so cheap, I bought I ticket to come see you. Even if all we do is have dinner. " Never heard anything, so I poked him and sent a text that said, "So, what's up for next weekend?" He wrote back immediately; said, "what do you mean?" guess he forgot what I'd said a week earlier. (maybe his GF saw it and deleted it, who knows) but anyway, I wrote again that flights were cheap and that I bought a ticket to come see him, even if only for dinner. He responded, "so you want to fly up here for dinner?" I answered back, "well, I'd like more but yeah." He wrote, "Err, I just don't think it's worth it for you to do that." I said,"I can't imagine flying all the way to the west coast and not seeing you. I miss you and I'd love to see you." Never heard back.

Now, dear readers, remember this is before the revelation of a three-year anniversary celebration. For all I knew at that moment, he was single, or maybe seeing someone, cuz he never mentioned HER. Of course, I knew about her, cuz of her Twitter. But I figured it's his burden not mine. He has cheated on her before with me so why would this be any different--he said he wasn't in love, wasn't serious, she owed him money. So I thought I'd go see him.

Since I never heard from him, I didn't actually buy a ticket, and when I went to, they were astronomical. $700 round trip to go 700 miles. Forget it. I was so disappointed; but now I'm thankful. Because knowing what I know now, he really only had two choices--cheat on her, or ditch me. And let's face it, ditching me is a whole lot easier. He really doesn't want me to come. He told me himself, and I quote, "I wouldn't get to spend a whole night with you like I want." So, he wants me to come some OTHER time, God knows when, so we can spend a whole night together. Well, forget it. I'm done. He wants me? He can fucking come see me. And pay for it himself.

On a good note, B has been calling me and we are seeing each other right after I get off the plane tomorrow!! He's so sexy and slutty. I don't know what his thing is about getting me pregnant but he's so persistent. My BFF saw his new commercial and she was drooling over him. "Damn girl!! That's your "B"??? WOWZA!!" She was very impressed. I can't wait to see him. I love his smile, love his body, and love the way he stares into my eyes and is so sweet and gentle. MMMMM yummy!!

I'll write details when I get back. I'm hoping he'll let me take a couple of body pics since he wouldn't let me take any face pics last time. Probably worried I'll go to the National Enquirer or something LOL I'd never do that!!! I just want a pic of us together, just for me.

Ciao my beautiful readers, hope you all have a safe and sexy weekend as well!

Love,
Anna XO

Polygamy, polyamory, and the benefits of having sex with other people

At work last night, I was listening to a conversation between two co-workers about jealousy in relationships. He's a married guy , about 27, construction worker, with a pregnant wife, who admitted to having cheated on her about a year ago. She's 24, single, intelligent and a psychology student in college. I missed part of their conversation, but I heard them debating the minute differences between an acceptable flirtation from another's partner from a stranger and an unacceptable flirtation. I had to silence my amusement. I didn't say a word. I thought to myself, "if only they knew about me...." and "if only they knew it didn't have to be that way."

As they talked, I was thinking about how much my attitudes about other women have changed in the 8 or 9 years since my hubby and I became swingers. I remember my husband going to a strip bar for his bachelor party and how upset I got. Puh-leeeeze. I can't believe I used to get so jealous.

I honestly think every woman should have a sexual encounter with another woman with her man. (maybe even several!!!) and I also think every guy should have a sexual encounter with another man and his woman. We have much to gain.

If you're reading this, I'm guessing you're pretty open-minded to this idea, if you haven't already done a variation on this yourself. I love that about you!! After Haley's visit, I started to really realize how much her visit did for ME, not to mention boost my hubby's self-esteem.

I was thinking about the way she showed my hubby where my G-spot was (twenty years together and we'd never found it!) and the way she lovingly admired and complimented my girl parts. It was so touching! A woman talks to another woman so differently than a man talks to a woman in bed. How many of you "vanilla" women (meaning "monogamous") wonder what other women are like in bed? Do you wonder if you're "good" enough? Do you wonder what another woman's orgasm looks like? What do other women like? Can you handle seeing your guy touch another woman and let her please him? It's a way to get a glimpse of what your man would be like if he left you/cheated on you/you died and he replaced you. In a safe way. BECAUSE YOU'RE WATCHING

I know this is blasphemous to a great many people, which is why I have to stay anonymous. How many of my "friends" would never speak to me again if they knew? But I believe with my whole heart and soul that my hubby and I have a closer and more honest relationship BECAUSE WE HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  We face our demons head-on.

Listening to my co-workers last night, it's clear how many people in traditional monogamous relationships believe that we have a right to "own" another person's body and thoughts. It's really amazing. I cringe now when I think back to remembering when I felt that way. How DARE my boyfriend look at another woman's breasts and fantasize about her! What did that say about ME? Didn't that reduce me in his eyes? Didn't it mean I wasn't enough for him? Didn't it mean that I needed a boob job or some other work? NO. It doesn't mean any of those things.

It is so freeing to be able to tell each other, "isn't she/he hot? I'd do him/her right now if I could!!" without feeling threatened!! To actually encourage each other to flirt and be intimate with another person without feeling threatened?! It's a tightrope we walk every day. To say we never get jealous would be a lie. It comes with the lifestyle. BUT---and it's a big but----we deal with it. Couples that swing have no reason to cheat.  Why would I sneak around behind my hubby's back if I can just tell him instead?

In my never-to-be-humble opinion, marriages end because of the fairy-tale idea that there is a "one-and-only" out there for us and we should never ever ever ever ever ever desire another human being. This is an archaic and impossible way to live. Admitting our attractions to other people--even if we don't act on them--is healthy in a relationship. Once we get past the honeymoon stage, it's inevitable and we stick our heads in the sand to deny it.

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I have to take a moment to comment on a new show out there called, "Sister Wives". No, I haven't seen it, but the cast was on Dr. Phil a few weeks back and I did see that. Basically, it's polygamy. A guy has three "wives" (only one is really considered a "legal" wife) and they have about 25 children between them. They have a huge house, and every "wife" has her own bedroom and the husband stays with each wife one-at-a-time, alternating nights. He admitted he doesn't have his own bedroom. He's not that good-looking at all, but it's apparent to me that he must be great in bed--not having his own room for the occasional night he's not in the mood and pleasing 3 women on a continual basis?? hee hee wow I'd love to get a glimpse of the size of his cock......whoops!! Got off topic and distracted.....

Ok, so here's the thing people---this is NOT polyamory. This is polygamy. There is a HUGE fucking difference. You know what the biggest difference is between the two? The fucking!! In a polygamous relationship, the wives are all having sex with the husband and he's having sex with them--but one-on-one. The women do NOT have sex with each other. (Like I said, the guy must be a total stud). In a polyamorous situation, everyone has sex with everybody else (usually). And it's not just about the husband. A wife can have several male lovers. I've never heard of a polygamist being a woman with several husbands. WHY THE FUCK NOT???????   I wouldn't call Mickey my "husband" nor would he call me his "wife" if he moved in with us. He'd simply be our or my lover. Same with Haley or any other woman if she came to be involved with us on a regular basis, or even moved in. Yes, if children came from any of these relationships, we'd raise them all together like the polygamous family on TV. But we wouldn't say we were "married" to each other, because in polymory, we don't own each other.

Another big difference is that in polygamy, religion is usually the reason they are together. This TV family is a hugely religious family. My hubby and I consider ourselves "spiritual" but don't believe in organized religion. We are not morally bankrupt because we have an open marriage! Just because we don't have sex with other people purely for procreation doesn't make us any less ethical than polygamists. One is against the law; the other isn't.  You can't legally marry more than one person at a time in our society. I think that maybe that is the last taboo--why can't you?? What harm are they doing? They claim to be very happy in their situation so who are we to judge? And the kids are happy! I think that in this day and age, the one-size-fits-all household went by the wayside more than a decade ago when it became socially acceptable for single moms and two-gay moms and or dads. Is this really so way-out there? I think not.

           ***************************************

I feel sexier and better about myself having had sex with other women, and I am more attracted to my hubby as well. Having had multiple partners--men and women, and couples (safe sex always...I must add) has deepened our trust and love for each other. It doesn't diminish what we feel for each other, as we always put our relationship first. And when we have struggles, we talk about it. I no longer feel unattractive as I have opened up myself to having partners of both sexes. I don't get creeped out like I used to in my younger days when a girl sidles up to me in a bar restroom and tells me how pretty I am. I think, "ooooo, you're a hottie too!" and who knows what the night will hold after that? And when a young guy hottie shows interest, I can go there too. It's wonderful. My hang-ups are pretty much gone now, as I know how to please not only guys in bed but women too. And I'll never forget Haley telling me I have the "prettiest little pussy she'd ever seen". That just makes my day.

 

Still looking for Mr. Right Now--I might've found him!

Not content to sit around and wait for Mickey to decide what he wants, I turn to my dating website to find some fresh meat. There are so many hot guys on there--the problem is so many just end up exchanging pics and chickening-out when it comes time to meet. BUT---I found someone new--he is a hottie who lives about an hour away with an Irish accent!! He's half my age, and has the most beautiful smile and sparkly brown eyes. He has perfectly straight teeth, and a sexy, disarming smile. So so cute. We have been writing on yahoo messenger all week and we are meeting on Saturday!!  His name is Damian and he's fucking hot. Just the right guy to help me break my unintended sexual sabbatical! Thankfully he lives alone and I'm driving to meet him near where he lives. He's invited me to spend the night....mmmmm I'm thinking about it! I love the pics he's sent me and he loves mine so I'm really hoping he'll be worth the hour drive! I will keep you all updated. Cross you fingers! I could use a hunk like him right now. His compliments and constant attention right now picks me up when I'm down and obsessing over you-know-who. Who, by the way, was online 24/7 and has now gone completely AWOL. His facebook has gone private too. Can't read a thing anymore. Do you think this is all directed at me? How would I know? Enough, Anna, enough.

I'm so annoyed at Mickey's lack of response---my insides are literally tied up in knots wondering what the fuck is going on with Mickey--especially since I looked up "Domestic Partnership" and it says that in his state it is, and I quote, "....almost equivalent to marriage." What I don't know is have they legally done something or was it just, "hey, we're on facebook and we are living together so since there's no "living together" choice they picked this one? Who knows. I know that I'm getting really stalker-ish lately trying to get answers--so I've decided to just stop. I can't keep torturing myself. I didn't really buy a ticket to go see him anyway. I'm not sitting around waiting for an answer. His silence is screaming, "I don't know what to do here!!!"My BFF told me give it a few more days and then send him a text that I hadn't heard from him and that I'm excited to see him, etc. I don't know. I'm tempted to just do nothing. Let him go. I don't want to push him into her arms trying hard to "be a good boy"--HIS words.\

I'm annoyed with myself, and him. He's such an asshole. Why can't he just talk to me like a regular person???? If he's serious about her, why can't he just fucking say it?????

I'll tell you all about my date with Damian as soon as I can! I sure hope there's a spark. He is so cute from his pics so we'll see.

All I know is, I'm ripe for some good ol' fashioned fucking!!!!!

I was watching TV in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner last night and saw "B" in a commercial! I screamed to my hubby, "THAT'S B! LOOK!! and sure enough, there he was! What a hottie! I can't tell you anymore about it cuz certainly you'd know him....I texted him immediately to tell him I saw him, and of course, since he's got the biggest ego of anyone alive he responded right away. He was pleased as punch. I congratulated him and said I wanted to youtube it so I could see it over and over. He laughed. 


I bought my plane ticket to go see him yesterday! Or--should I say, my hubby did. I will be there in 2 weeks. I can't wait to fuck him! MMMMM "B" is delicious. 


I lied to Mickey and told him I bought a plane ticket to see him. I texted him, "hey, flights are so cheap so I bought a ticket. I'll be there on Nov. 13th. Let's just have dinner. I want to gaze into those amazing blue eyes." That was yesterday--haven't heard back yet. I'm sure he's processing it--he wants to see me, he wants more than dinner--but he's living with his GF. BUT-----and this is a big BUT---he has never admitted to having a girlfriend. He doesn't know I stalk him LOL yes I read his facebook and his GF's twitter--hey, if I didn't, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on with him! it's a way to protect myself. Yes, and torture myself, that's true.  He told me a couple weeks ago basically not to come, that seeing me sexually "isn't healthy for me right now, I'm trying to do too much", whatever the fuck that means. He talks so cryptically. Why won't he just admit he's got a GF and they're getting serious? Because he doesn't want to hurt me? Please. Yeah right. It's because he doesn't want me to go away. He wants to know that I'll always be here for him when he wants me. It's like in Toy Story, I don't know which one, I think the first, where Woody says, "It's not how much we're played with; it's that we're here when Andy needs us." That's me for Mickey. It's not how much he plays with me, it's that I'm here when he wants me. Don't tell me I'm pathetic. I already know I am. 


I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine about Mickey, and it really sums up why I put up with him. We were talking about being "in love", and what does that really mean? Is it possessive? What if it's not reciprocated? And I told her, for me being "in love" is this: it's thinking about the other person 24/7. It means that no matter what you are doing, you are thinking about them. It is worrying about their well-being. It means that if they were in trouble or sick you would answer the phone in the middle of the night and listen. It means you'd jump on a plane and be there for them at the drop of a hat. It means you'd give them money you don't have if they were struggling financially. Being "in love" to me means all these things. And no matter how much I'd like it to go away, it hasn't where Mickey is concerned. It's been almost 8 years we've known each other now, and the only way I'll ever truly get over him is probably when I die. I have 2 great loves in my life--him, and my hubby. 


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I'm sorry I haven't had time to tell you all about my hubby's girlfriends' visit. And I'm sorry to say I've run out of time right now. My life has been so hectic and insane, but I PROMISE to write this week. You deserve to hear it. It was a very trying week, good and bad, sexy and unsexy. You will enjoy it though.


Have a good day my beloved readers, and oh, yes, now you know what I look like. Let me know if that changes anything for you in how you perceived me. Did I lack credibility before by hiding my identity? It's scary for me but I thought it necessary. I hope you all approve. I did it for you.


Love,
Anna XO

NEW PIC FOR MY READERS!

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved to see that I'm real, so here I am. I posted a pic of my face for you all.

My hubby's GF is coming to visit--and I'm getting anxious

I am SO glad the kids are in school all day long so I have some time alone to myself tomorrow to reflect on the upcoming weekend's events. My hubby's new GF is flying out here on Saturday, and I'm just a mess of mixed feelings.  I can bring out my inner lesbian for a night, if I drink enough, but a whole week?? I'm feeling very anxious. She is almost a complete stranger to me--we do text a little and write on Facebook now and then but she is HIS acquaintance, not mine. I've got to do this for my hubby. He does SO much for me.  He deserves this, I know he does.

My BFF tells me to just embrace her and do it for my hubby.

I want to . I really do. I know she isn't planning on trying to steal my hubby. She sent him a text yesterday that said simply, "I had a dream I was kissing your wife." oooo well isn't THAT interesting??!! So....anyway, I'm going to try to really be a good hostess and be very nice and polite and hopefully drink enough to have some great threesome sex!! I PROMISE to write next week and fill y'all in on our extracurricular activities!!

I told B I went to the gyno (I actually didn't---I looked up info online) and told him I got a "green light". He texted me back ASAP wanting to know what my timeframe was. I said I was planning on coming to see him mid-October. He is soooo excited!!!! (I am too!)

I can't decide how to plan my trip! I want to work in seeing my parents as well--should I see them first? I know I can't wait to see Mickey. I think I'll go see my parents first, then drive to LA and see B and maybe spend the night in LA. Then fly out to see Mickey in Oregon the next morning, it'll be a quick flight. Then fly home, with Mickey's touch still fresh on my skin, his scent still on my body. I want him to drive me to the airport, kiss me goodbye, and drive away thinking about ME. I really can't wait to see him. It's been a year since we saw each other.

I just love how intense he gets with me. He writes me in the middle of the night--"where are you? why aren't you writing me? Talk to me". It's so awesome. I feel so happy.

On a different note, I did meet someone FINALLY who lives in the same city as me!! He is 21, super good-looking--long black hair, dark eyes, very sexy. He took yesterday off from work to meet me but neglected to tell me and I was too busy to see him! I couldn't just drop everything--sadly LOL We are still trying to get together.

I'm still playing tennis with my boss at least once a week, sometimes two, and I'm feeling more and more at ease around him. He's letting his hair grow, and has that stubble from not shaving that is oh so sexy. When he talks I find myself imagining kissing him and realize that I'm not listening! One of these days when he calls me on it, I may have to nerve to admit why. We are working together tomorrow night--a special function--and I don't have to wear my dorky uniform so I plan on flirting heavily with him. My new fantasy about him is to go with him to the storage closet and shut the door (which automatically looks from the outside) and grab him and plant a big wet kiss on that sexy mouth! He's got the most perfect straight, white teeth (next to Mickey) and I'm telling you, the stubble is hella sexy.

Bedtime now my dears. I'll be too busy drinking, smoking pot, and being naked to write till next week so hope y'all have a great weekend and I'll fill you all in on this weekend's shenanigans on Friday (next Friday).

Love always,
Anna XOXOXO

My vibrator and I give Mickey a show he'll never forget

"You're soooooo pretty!!" Mickey cooed into the phone to me, gazing at me onscreen with somewhat sad puppy dog eyes. We were on yahoo messenger this morning, both on our webcams, and neither of us could stop smiling. It was so wonderful seeing his face again, after such a long time, and he clearly was happy to see mine as well.

The familiar chime on my iPhone woke me up about 3 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. "Hey", Mickey texted. We chatted off and on for about an hour while I got my kids off to school. Happily he said, "want to get on webcam?" and I decided right then and there that this offer was better than my plans to hit the gym, so I said, "Sure! Gimme 10 minutes. I want to look good for you." I turned on my curling iron and put on a little bit of makeup, found a sexy red lacy nightgown that showed off my breasts (Mickey's favorites) and I was online.

The minute I saw his face I started smiling. He was smiling too. It was wonderful. Like no time had passed. He looked as hot as ever, his long black hair all disheveled around his face, his lip ring dangling ever so teasingly, his full-sleeve tattoos so colorful and sexy. He was wearing a black T-shirt, and I was just salivating. Then he moved his laptop so I could see better--and he had his cock and balls peeking out from his underwear, these "tighty-whitey" undies in green and blue. I was shocked and laughed and wrote, "very hot!" He laughed and tucked them back in.

We wrote to each other as we gazed nervously at each other. I suggested Skype since on that webcam you can talk to each other. I told him I wanted to hear his voice. He couldn't remember his Skype name (yay, means he hasn't been using it with some other girl). I saw him pick up his phone, and I was tempted to write, 'who are you calling?" cuz that's really bad ettiquette--to be on webcam and call someone else. I was miffed instantly, until I heard his song, "Mickey" by Toni Basil start playing. He was calling ME!! haha (joke was on me!) I looked at my phone and sure enough, there was his face, the pic I'd chosen, and his name.

I answered in my best Lauren Bacall voice, a husky, "hey you", and he sounded just as sexy back. It was so wonderful, hearing his voice again. I told him so. He said all the right things again, just as always. After a few minutes he pulled out his cock again and started touching himself. He said, "show me those beautiful tits of yours", so I pulled down the red straps to my nightgown and gave him a little glimpse. Teasing him. He rubbed himself watching and yeah, I was getting very turned on! The whole time this was going on, he was talking to me, telling me how much he wanted me to come see him. He said, "I'm off work on Mondays and Tuesdays, and if you come then I'll get to spend the whole night with you." I smiled inside and out and said I'd see what I could do. Hubby travels a lot with work and the kids have school weekdays so not sure but I'd see what I could arrange. He told me, "Just give me a date." I said I'd let him know. I told him I hadn't bought a plane ticket yet so I'd check and see what I could do.

He also told me he was in trouble of being fired. That poor guy has issues, for sure, but he's always been a good worker. He's had this job like 6 years, so I asked him what's going on. He said, "they're douchebags!" and didn't want to talk about it. I let it go. He just wanted to focus on me.

He kept asking me, "when are you coming here?" lol then I broached the subject that was lingering in the air---what about his GIRLFRIEND?!?! He said, "let's not go there right now", so I laughed and said, "ok". I said, "I know you're not in love with her. You told me so." He said, "you're right, I'm not." I said, 'You're in love with me!" Now he has NEVER used the "L" word with me, and no, he didn't, but he did say, "yeah, that's it", so that made me happy! He said he wants to come visit me and plans to. He said, "I just might move in with you." I said, "really???" ecstatically and he said, "yeah, and it might be soon if they fire me." I said, "don't tease me!" which made him laugh. He was obviously in pain and in his own weird way was reaching out for sympathy, to be understood and heard. He knows I will give it to him.

He asked to see more of me, and I obliged. He was very complimentary and kept gently telling me what he wanted me to do, and what he wanted to do to me when I come to visit. He also asked where my hubby was several times, and that sometime he wanted to watch us both having sex. I told him, 'sure! that would be fun!" Since he has seen it in person I'm sure he'd like to watch us again. He said he wants to DP me with my hubby. I've never done that with anyone, not really crazy about the idea but said for him I'd try it. I trust them both to be gentle and to stop if I asked them to. So, WTF, I told him yeah, that would be ok. It was all fantasy right now anyway. Then he slipped off his undies and was just in his T-shirt. I said, 'Take off your T-shirt!" and he refused! I was like, WTF? Ok whatever! I said I want to see your chest. I love all your tats, I want to see them. He giggled and said, 'no, I've gained a few pounds", so I respected that. LOL Even though I couldn't see a trace of fat anywhere. He looked the same to me.

He asked if I had any toys. Yep of course I do! I told him, and went to get a vibrator. I grabbed the first one I found, and the batteries were dead LOL and we both laughed. I used it anyway, and he said he wanted to watch me come. And of course, since we were on the phone together, he heard all my heavy breathing and panting, and he stroked his cock harder and harder as I got more and more excited. Which I did for him, right there on camera. I've never done THAT before for anybody! It was so exciting. OMG I was splayed out on my bed, legs spread, back arched and stroking myself with a purple vibrator and watching him stroking his cock, watching me, holding the phone with his other hand, and that gaze in his eyes, very sexy. Since the batteries were dead I had to work that thing back and forth but it worked, I had a huge orgasm right there on camera for my Mickey. He loved it. I was a bit embarrassed afterward but he thanked me and kept telling me how much he loved it and couldn't wait to be with me.

After a few more minutes, he said he had to go. I said I did too, and I blew him a kiss onscreen for him and said goodbye. He was looking right at me and smiled, and gave me a "bye" in that sexy, breathy voice of his.  I don't know if the GF came in the room or what. After I clicked "off", I could still see him onscreen, and he kept stroking his cock for about a minute then turned off the camera. He didn't come, and that was disappointing, but oh well. It was still awesome.

I can't believe what that boy does to me. I'm old enough to be his mom, AND his girlfriend's mom. He's 27 and she's 20. But he doesn't see me that way. I'm a woman, a REAL woman, and he knows I'm crazy about him.

I think I'm going to be smiling a lot today.

A new movie is out about swinging

There's a new movie that just came out called, "Swinging With the Finkles", and I just heard about it. I saw the trailer, and I had to run straight to my laptop and tell you all about it! It stars Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore as your typical adorable but bored married couple who decide to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by swinging with another married couple. I have not seen it yet---I merely saw a pop-up ad for it on Facebook this morning.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd probably laugh my head off at this movie, like my teenage son did when he and his teenage friends watched "Hall Pass". The subtext goes right over their immature pre-frontal-cortex brains. I tried to have a conversation about that movie and it was futile--he thought it was insanely funny and for that, Hollywood succeeded.

This appears to me to be another lame Hollywood attempt to broach the subject of what to do when married couples hit that inevitable plateau in their sex lives. The biggest problem with these types of movies is that they are made to be palatable for everyone, because the more people that go to see it, the more money they'll make. And Hollywood is all about the bottom line.

Since I haven't seen the film (and intend to do so ASAP) I will instead offer what I wish Hollywood, or most likely, an Idie film company do. And readers, if you know of such a film exists, I hope you'll let me know.

It seems from the trailer that as this married couple decide to find another couple to swing with, they "interview" prospective couples from the living room couch the way you'd interview a housekeeper or babysitter.  Those of us who are ACTUAL swingers know it doesn't work that way! First of all, how did they end up on their couch? Will Hollywood show the Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist ads of this couple? No, probably not.

What I do like from the trailer, however, is the subject of man-with- man sex is addressed. But, of course, it appears it takes the subject lightly--"this doesn't mean I'm gay does it?" the husband asks the other man. "Of course not", he says. I would like to see a man embracing his bi-sexuality. Why can't he enjoy his gay side? If anyone cares to know this, the Kinsey scale on pure heterosexuality is not the norm.  I get so so tired of it being socially acceptable for women to be tit-on-tit but two penises touching? So scandalous!!! Check it out on Kinsey's official site: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html#what

I would like to see, and maybe if it doesn't exist I should write it---the serious, sometimes funny, always sexy and raunchy truth about swinging. Wouldn't you? Is America truly not ready for the truth? After all, "Swinging with the Finkles" is a British movie.

That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to write it myself.

Who should star in it? How about two completely unknown and talented actors?

Gotta go.

Check out the trailer: http://youtu.be/6tKycPLM0po

time for a little contemplation...

Hello readers!!!  I welcome new readers and cherish my daily followers. I love to read your blogs as well and I always welcome your comments.

Since my hubby and I started this lifestyle, one of the things that's been the hardest is the secret factor. We have found we live in a sort of sexy bubble, and that very few people we've allowed inside. Friends we've told are usually in the lifestyle too, which is always a relief to be able to share this part of ourselves. We have told NO family, and honestly, with the exceptions of our lovers, only 5 people know. My two best GF's in the whole world and my hubby's best guy buddy he's known for over 20 years. And one other couple who we aren't intimate with (yet--wink wink). That's it. It's a very small circle.

Keeping this a secret can be challenging, especially with my cell phone. Even if it's on vibrate (ooohh) my kids have a knack for picking it up and saying, "mommy! Whos' Mickey?" and further, "who is 555-1212 and why do they keep calling you?" I have to be VERY careful.

Our worst fear, of course, isn't that the kids find out, it's that they suspect one of us is cheating on the other. We do agree that would be worse.

So--why don't we tell them??

We have been doing our research on that very subject. There is a great book we both just read tackling that subject--it's called "Love You Two" by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. It's a great work of fiction--the first of its kind actually, about a teenage daughter who stumbles across her mother's diary and finds out she has a male lover who is accepted by the father. It's a story of a teenage daughter's shock and hurt and confusion over this new information and how she deals with it. If affects her relationship with her mother of course. My biggest problem with the book is the father is rarely mentioned. He is just a silent, nodding-in-affirmation character with no voice. He never sits down and talks to her about his involvement or how it feels for him, and she doesn't really show any need to discuss it with him. All her emotion is directed at her mother. It is a good book in the way that I think her reactions are typical of what a teenager would do and feel.

We think our youngest would do fine. She's young enough, and she's actually said some interesting things to me from time to time that make me wonder if she somehow, on some level, already knows. For instance, we were at the beach a few weeks ago, and we were talking about her big brother (who's 16) and all the cute girls on the beach he'd like if he were with us. She said, "You should find a boyfriend Mommy!" I was like, "WTF??" So I said, "I'm married to your daddy sweetheart! I can't have a boyfriend too!" and she said, "Why not? You're hot and I see them stare at you!" OMG this came from my twelve-year-old!! I was perplexed. It would've been a perfect opportunity to tell her....only I was completely unprepared.

My Internet research has affirmed that the younger they find out, the easier it is for them to accept it. BUT--once they're in their teens, it really can be harmful and destructive. Emphasis on "can be"---all kids are different. It's something we think about all the time. In the meantime, we are just very careful.

When Mickey first came into our lives, our kids were very small. Our oldest was 8 and the youngest was 4. They went to bed at 10 and what we did after hours they didn't think to question. Weekend trips away? Yay! Fun with Grandma! It's so different now that they're older--they ask more questions--where did we go, who did we see? We have a great relationship with our kids--we are more open and honest with sex and we talk about everything--except our own sex lives.

Readers? I'm appealing to you. Those of you in the lifestyle with kids--how do you handle everything? Have you told your children, your parents, siblings, co-workers? Reactions? I'd really love to know.

Have a great day.
Love,
Anna XOXO