Good morning dear lovlies! Have you enjoyed the pics of my sexy men I posted just for you??? Aren't they delicious???? Feel free to leave me your comments!! And NO you cannot have their phone numbers!!!!
I still don't know when we will get to hook up though unfortunately. My hubby and I are still riding the fucking rollercoaster of his infidelities, and although things are going well, it is still too tenous to add other guys sadly. I do miss my hotties, but they have to be an addition to my life, not a substitute for my hubby. And right now we have to get solid before we go back to swinging again.
We do both miss it. It's just harder now. I'd be ok if he never wanted to be with another female, but how fair is that?? It's not, but hey, I didn't ask to be cheated on so that wasn't fair to ME. I allowed him to have HER but he lied and cheated on me behind my back about her so HE IS THE ONE THAT FUCKED IT ALL UP.
I am working on me. We are talking more, counseling has been helping. I am trying to find my way. The cognitive dissonance of infidelity does SO much damage, if I can implore you all to be HONEST in every way with the significant other in your life. This whole notion of "trying to protect" them by withholding the truth only hurts worse when the truth finally comes out, and believe me, IT WILL COME OUT. It took 16 years for the truth of his first affair to come out, and it hurts worse and makes it that much harder to recover from. I look at him and wonder, "who the fuck is this person I've been married to all these years??" He's had this secret double life I had NO FUCKING IDEA about. Trying to rebuild trust is THAT much harder by his cowardice in not coming forward.
If you've cheated on your significant other, I beg you to come clean RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. They deserve to know. They deserve to be able to make their own choices and not have you manipulate them to stay with you. That is honestly the hardest part--I hate my husband for not giving me the opportunity to decide FOR MYSELF if I wanted to stay with a cheater. He manipulated me into staying for 16 years by withholding the truth from me. How can I ever forgive him for that?? And, in addition, I gave up my friends, my family, my life, my kids' friends and life, to move clear across the country for him. Yes, it's been a good move, but that is because THAT IS WHO I AM. I MAKE THE BEST OF IT. I have moved with him over 8 times during our marriage, and if I'd known he'd cheated on me maybe I'd have divorced him 16 years ago. Or three, after the second affair. HE CHEATED ME OUT OF MAKING CHOICES.
So I implore you to remember this quote from survivinginfidelity.com---"The truth hurts, but lies hurt more."
Enjoy you life by living authentically.
Go and be happy my sexy readers.
Showing posts with label affairs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label affairs. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Life after the affairs
Hello my sexy friends! I am back. I want to thank Anonymous (whoever you are!! LOL) for your message to me yesterday wanting to know how I'm doing. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. Yes, this blog has grown cobwebs as my hubby and I are still working very hard on our marriage with the fallout of my discovery of 16 years of lies, cheating, and manipulation. I have been to hell and let me tell you, if I can survive this, there isn't anything I can't do now. I have grown stronger but the anger monster within me is like a fire-breathing dragon that is ready to pounce at any given moment. Reconciling a marriage after affairs is not for the faint of heart. I always thought women who stayed with men who cheated on them were the weakest creatures on the planet. Afraid of their own shadows. I always assumed women who stayed with men who cheated were women who had no self-respect and were more concerned with giving up their cozy lifestyle than have the guts to leave and stand on their own two feet.
How wrong I was.
In the ten months since I discovered my husband's cheating, I have come to realize that staying is much much harder than leaving. Oh, let me tell you, many times I've wanted to throw him out, or run, run, run and never look back. Why have I stayed?? Believe it or not, I still love him. I am still in love with him. Even though he's destroyed me to my core.
I have had no experience with being cheated on. Some women (and men) have a painful history of lovers who were chronic liars, but I have been lucky. Previously to being married to my husband, I was the one who always wanted out. I cheated on my first husband. Yes, I told him the very next morning, and moved out right after. I did not keep it a secret from him for 16 years and cheat more with more men. So I have a perspective about my H (husband) and cheating that makes it harder to forgive.
When an affair (or several) are discovered by the betrayed spouse, your world collapses. I can't, and won't, even go into how devastated you are. It is simplistic to say that you will never be the same. But it is true. I will never be the woman I was. I have had to re-write the last 16 years of my life. It is not what I thought it was. My H had a one-night-stand after the birth of our first child and kept it from me for 16 years. Didn't use a condom. Insists she didn't get pregnant. A drunken mistake. He insists he was faithful for the next 14 years and planned on taking that to his grave. Well, he never dealt with it, never told me, and so it came back to haunt him.
He had yet another one-night-stand two years ago, and never told me. Just "buried it" so he didn't have to deal with it. Never once did he think, "oh fuck, here I go again! I said I wouldn't do that ever again and I just did!!" Oh no. He just "buried" it (whatever the fuck that means) and carried on like nothing happened. Came home to me after not using condoms yet again. Another drunken mistake not dealt with.
At this point, we are 6 years into an open marriage and he brings home slut #2 to our home and bed. I befriend her. She disappears eventually and he sighs relief. I am none the wiser. Then a few months later (April 2011) the first skank from 16 years ago finds him on Facebook and what does he do???? He is so fucking stupid!! Instead of thinking, WTF??? I'VE BEEN RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN AND THIS MISTAKE FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS OMG IM NOT TOUCHING HER WITH A TEN-FOOT POLE. But alas, no, he is happy to hear from her and in a blaze of "nostalgia" (his words) they reconnect and the rest they say is history. He risked 20 years of marriage, our children's health and well-being, my health, our finances, for the validation from someone he claims he never loved.
He lies about how he knows her. I buy the lie because why wouldn't I? I encourage the texting because I'm busy having my fun with Mickey and other guys. He buys her a plane ticket and brings her out here to our home, our bed, my body. I take her to my work. I teach her to play tennis. I make out with her in front of my boss at a bar. She hangs out with my children. I have sex with her. While he's at work, I pour my heart out to her and spend lavishly on her because I know she's important to my hubby, just like Mickey is important to me. That is called the give-and-take of an open marriage. After three days here, he and I are fighting so much and not even having sex with each other. I ask him to make her leave. He convinces me to let her stay. She was here 10 days. What did I do then?? I tried even harder.
I was extremely jealous. I spent hours talking to my girlfriend about my jealousy. I knew he deserved to have her and be with her just like I had my Mickey. And you know what??? By the end of her stay, which by the way, I had to initiate cuz the bitch had no reason to leave and my H didn't want her to go----I had gotten over my jealousy. On Saturday, I had to get up and go to work. We'd had a threesome with her and she was still in bed with us. I actually left them alone together in our bed and told him whatever happened was ok with me and I left. I didn't think about it much while at work and I was so happy with my progress. He started texting me about a half hour after I got to work that "nothing happened. She got up and took a shower." And that is the lie he continued to tell me for 8 months after I asked at least 10 times, "Really??? Nothing happened??? I left you guys alone in bed and you didn't fuck her???" and he lied and said no. She got up right after I left and showered.
What an asshole. He DID fuck her the minute I left. And lied about it for 8 months.
You know why he lied, right??? Cuz he had fucked her 16 years ago and brought her back into my life without my knowledge. She had no right being in my house let alone my bed and my body. And it was the second time he had done that to me.
His web of lies came to a crashing halt January 30, 2011 when I found private facebook emails between the two of them declaring their love for one another. Long story short, there were two other women he was hiding at that time and it took me another 3 months to discover them. I kicked him out of our bedroom and I told him I wanted a divorce. My therapist insisted I give it six months of therapy before I did anything.
We are ten months out, and we are in a great place. I'm sure reading this you are ready to stab him in the eyes yourself, but one thing about my H you need to know is, he is a changed man. Three therapists and couples counseling for the last ten months he has become the husband I always thought he was. He immediately stopped all contact with the other women and is eternally grateful for the gift of a second chance I have given him. He earns my love back every day. He was a very broken man with a lot of secrets that were destroying him. He thought about suicide daily in those early weeks and so did I. The pain of betrayal is so painful for both sides. It is hard to understand and believe I feel badly for him but I do. I have come a long way in understanding how broken he really was.
He has vowed to earn back my trust every single day of his life and he is doing so. He tells me every day how sorry he is and shows me that he is sorry. He said he will regret to his dying day how he hurt me. He knows that I will never look at him the same way or feel the same way about him. The damage is done. Yes, we can stay together and be happy because we are both choosing to be together. I am not a Pollyanna and I am not "rug-sweeping". I know what he's done. I am devastated that he was capable of being such a narcissitic asshole. I have seen the transformation over these months and yeah, time will tell. I am taking it one day at a time. If he chooses to betray me again, I am not the fool. He will be. He knows one step out of line and I WILL divorce him. This is his last and only second chance. No thirds.
The open marriage is talked and fought about daily. I don't know what will happen. I liked getting over my jealousy but he fucked it up. I don't know that I can ever be ok with him being with another woman now. He's still ok with me being with other guys, and frankly, I haven't ever lied to him so why should I give them up? He gets that. I just don't know if it's a good idea. So we keep talking.
We have twenty years plus together. We have two kids. We are in a band together. We have thousands of happy memories together, and yes, despite the pain, I still love him. For better or worse. I've been through worse. I'm holding out for better.
I am releasing the info for my other blog if you want to read it. It has been my lifeline to my sanity.
www.inflictedandconflicted.blogspot.com
I welcome all your comments. Thank you for caring about me. I love you all.
Anna
XOXO
How wrong I was.
In the ten months since I discovered my husband's cheating, I have come to realize that staying is much much harder than leaving. Oh, let me tell you, many times I've wanted to throw him out, or run, run, run and never look back. Why have I stayed?? Believe it or not, I still love him. I am still in love with him. Even though he's destroyed me to my core.
I have had no experience with being cheated on. Some women (and men) have a painful history of lovers who were chronic liars, but I have been lucky. Previously to being married to my husband, I was the one who always wanted out. I cheated on my first husband. Yes, I told him the very next morning, and moved out right after. I did not keep it a secret from him for 16 years and cheat more with more men. So I have a perspective about my H (husband) and cheating that makes it harder to forgive.
When an affair (or several) are discovered by the betrayed spouse, your world collapses. I can't, and won't, even go into how devastated you are. It is simplistic to say that you will never be the same. But it is true. I will never be the woman I was. I have had to re-write the last 16 years of my life. It is not what I thought it was. My H had a one-night-stand after the birth of our first child and kept it from me for 16 years. Didn't use a condom. Insists she didn't get pregnant. A drunken mistake. He insists he was faithful for the next 14 years and planned on taking that to his grave. Well, he never dealt with it, never told me, and so it came back to haunt him.
He had yet another one-night-stand two years ago, and never told me. Just "buried it" so he didn't have to deal with it. Never once did he think, "oh fuck, here I go again! I said I wouldn't do that ever again and I just did!!" Oh no. He just "buried" it (whatever the fuck that means) and carried on like nothing happened. Came home to me after not using condoms yet again. Another drunken mistake not dealt with.
At this point, we are 6 years into an open marriage and he brings home slut #2 to our home and bed. I befriend her. She disappears eventually and he sighs relief. I am none the wiser. Then a few months later (April 2011) the first skank from 16 years ago finds him on Facebook and what does he do???? He is so fucking stupid!! Instead of thinking, WTF??? I'VE BEEN RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN AND THIS MISTAKE FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS OMG IM NOT TOUCHING HER WITH A TEN-FOOT POLE. But alas, no, he is happy to hear from her and in a blaze of "nostalgia" (his words) they reconnect and the rest they say is history. He risked 20 years of marriage, our children's health and well-being, my health, our finances, for the validation from someone he claims he never loved.
He lies about how he knows her. I buy the lie because why wouldn't I? I encourage the texting because I'm busy having my fun with Mickey and other guys. He buys her a plane ticket and brings her out here to our home, our bed, my body. I take her to my work. I teach her to play tennis. I make out with her in front of my boss at a bar. She hangs out with my children. I have sex with her. While he's at work, I pour my heart out to her and spend lavishly on her because I know she's important to my hubby, just like Mickey is important to me. That is called the give-and-take of an open marriage. After three days here, he and I are fighting so much and not even having sex with each other. I ask him to make her leave. He convinces me to let her stay. She was here 10 days. What did I do then?? I tried even harder.
I was extremely jealous. I spent hours talking to my girlfriend about my jealousy. I knew he deserved to have her and be with her just like I had my Mickey. And you know what??? By the end of her stay, which by the way, I had to initiate cuz the bitch had no reason to leave and my H didn't want her to go----I had gotten over my jealousy. On Saturday, I had to get up and go to work. We'd had a threesome with her and she was still in bed with us. I actually left them alone together in our bed and told him whatever happened was ok with me and I left. I didn't think about it much while at work and I was so happy with my progress. He started texting me about a half hour after I got to work that "nothing happened. She got up and took a shower." And that is the lie he continued to tell me for 8 months after I asked at least 10 times, "Really??? Nothing happened??? I left you guys alone in bed and you didn't fuck her???" and he lied and said no. She got up right after I left and showered.
What an asshole. He DID fuck her the minute I left. And lied about it for 8 months.
You know why he lied, right??? Cuz he had fucked her 16 years ago and brought her back into my life without my knowledge. She had no right being in my house let alone my bed and my body. And it was the second time he had done that to me.
His web of lies came to a crashing halt January 30, 2011 when I found private facebook emails between the two of them declaring their love for one another. Long story short, there were two other women he was hiding at that time and it took me another 3 months to discover them. I kicked him out of our bedroom and I told him I wanted a divorce. My therapist insisted I give it six months of therapy before I did anything.
We are ten months out, and we are in a great place. I'm sure reading this you are ready to stab him in the eyes yourself, but one thing about my H you need to know is, he is a changed man. Three therapists and couples counseling for the last ten months he has become the husband I always thought he was. He immediately stopped all contact with the other women and is eternally grateful for the gift of a second chance I have given him. He earns my love back every day. He was a very broken man with a lot of secrets that were destroying him. He thought about suicide daily in those early weeks and so did I. The pain of betrayal is so painful for both sides. It is hard to understand and believe I feel badly for him but I do. I have come a long way in understanding how broken he really was.
He has vowed to earn back my trust every single day of his life and he is doing so. He tells me every day how sorry he is and shows me that he is sorry. He said he will regret to his dying day how he hurt me. He knows that I will never look at him the same way or feel the same way about him. The damage is done. Yes, we can stay together and be happy because we are both choosing to be together. I am not a Pollyanna and I am not "rug-sweeping". I know what he's done. I am devastated that he was capable of being such a narcissitic asshole. I have seen the transformation over these months and yeah, time will tell. I am taking it one day at a time. If he chooses to betray me again, I am not the fool. He will be. He knows one step out of line and I WILL divorce him. This is his last and only second chance. No thirds.
The open marriage is talked and fought about daily. I don't know what will happen. I liked getting over my jealousy but he fucked it up. I don't know that I can ever be ok with him being with another woman now. He's still ok with me being with other guys, and frankly, I haven't ever lied to him so why should I give them up? He gets that. I just don't know if it's a good idea. So we keep talking.
We have twenty years plus together. We have two kids. We are in a band together. We have thousands of happy memories together, and yes, despite the pain, I still love him. For better or worse. I've been through worse. I'm holding out for better.
I am releasing the info for my other blog if you want to read it. It has been my lifeline to my sanity.
www.inflictedandconflicted.blogspot.com
I welcome all your comments. Thank you for caring about me. I love you all.
Anna
XOXO
Monday, June 25, 2012
WE HAD SEX! WE HAD SEX! WE HAD SEX! WE MADE OUR DOG BARK AND WHIMPER!!!
I woke up yesterday, both of us backwards on my bed, sore and hungover. I looked over and saw my naked hubby, backwards as well, his sexy body still and partially covered by the sheets. Last night really did happen! That's when I saw the enormous hickey on his neck--damn, it was the best hickey I'd given since high school!! I giggled. I grabbed my pillow and swung it around so I was facing the right way. I was disoriented and a little nauseous. I fell back asleep happy.
He had set up a date for us and made all the arrangements. Even childcare for our kids so they'd be gone for the night! I knew he had sex on the brain, and he must've known I was thinking the same thing.
I was a little apprehensive. Was this what I really wanted? Am I ready for this? If I have sex with him, what does this mean? Does this mean he thinks I've forgiven him? Does this mean he moves back into our bedroom? I felt like I needed to know the answers to all of this before I slept with him again. After not having had a shred of intimacy for the last nine weeks, to just jump into bed without thinking about the consequences seemed really immature and dangerous.
I didn't have time.
I worked the morning shift at the bar, ran to the mall to try to find something cute and new to wear, ran home, barely had time to do my nails and shower. I texted my girlfriend my concerns and she said, "just go with it. Relax and enjoy." So I decided to do just that. I didn't find a dress at the mall but instead chose a $300 Guess dress I bought years ago that still had the tags on it. I had never had an opportunity to wear it; tonight was the night. I did buy a new pair of 5 inch stillettos that looked very sexy. He loved them.
It was a little awkward. I did hold his hand, and his huge smile was just the reassurance I needed. I knew that every little thing I did was huge in his mind and heart, so I didn't need to worry. We valet parked at a 5 star hotel here, had dinner at the swanky place inside, and then the concert venue was close by so we walked there. He got tickets to one of our favorite bands (how sweet eh?), Keane. They have this amazing hypnotic music that's romantic and sexy, and we play it over and over while we take our baths. He knew this band would trigger happy memories for me, and a way to make new ones. I let him give me a deep sexy kiss in the elevator, his body pressed up against mine. He grinded his hard cock against my pelvis as he kissed me; it felt amazing. I knew then I wanted him as well.
The concert was amazing. We both cried during a few special songs to both of us. It was magical. After the concert, we walked back to the hotel where they had a chocolate bar! That was so decadent! A glass of pinot noir and some chocolate covered strawberries and marshmallows, and we were in heaven. We talked about getting a room, but decided it would be more enjoyable to be at home. After all, he had replaced our marital bed with a brand-new $4000 bed he had never slept in. I was eager to share it with him.
We held hands on the way home, and made goo-goo eyes at each other. When we walked into the house, he didn't assume we would have sex. He assumed he'd go back to the guest room where he's lived the last 2 months, and I'd go into "my" bedroom. We walked upstairs, and had that awkward moment at the top of the staircase landing where it's been like that for two months. But this time would be the last time; the last awkward moment at the top of the stairs. I took his hand and smiled, and guided him to our bedroom.
I let him put his hands on my legs, and they made their way up to my panties, up under my dress. He felt me all the way up, and caressed the breasts he'd fantasized about touching again; my slim waist he thought he'd never feel again. He then grabbed the dress and pulled it over my head as fast as he could. Just like in the movies. It was very hot! I love it when he takes charge, and I let him. By this point, his shirt was off, and I was admiring his skinny body and new tattoos. I loved that he got them just for me; his whores never got to see this sexy guy. They got the broken, pathetic guy he used to be. The tattoos signify the man he's becoming for me. How could I not be turned on??
Like my BFF said, I relaxed and enjoyed. It was amazing. I slapped him in the face several times, and he let me. He knew he deserved it. We were animals; we hurt each other and healed each other as we made love. It was nine weeks since we'd touched, after 22 years of being together and having the most incredible sex life of anyone we know. He hurt me deeply, he strayed. I have not forgiven him really, but I am understanding how broken he was. I am willing to give him another chance with my heart, because he's earning it back every day.
We even made our dog bark and whimper. He was locked in our daughter's empty room, and heard our lovemaking. It was primal and animal, and he was desperate to either save one of us or attack us. Thank God he was locked in there! We couldn't help but laugh at his cries. When we were done, we let him out and reassured him everything was ok. He laid down on the landing, assured all was well. We giggled. We fell asleep happier than we had in 5 months, and slept better as well.
My hubby also woke up backwards, and his stirrings woke me. My head was by his feet, and I was admiring his sexy tush. He really has a great ass. He stared at me, smiling, and grabbed his pillow and swung it around next to mine. I couldn't believe the last 12 hours. Neither could he. He just took my face in his hands and said his dreams came true, that I would come back to him. We cried and then he ravished me again, climbing on top of me and devouring my neck and nipples as he rammed his big dick into me again and again. Nine weeks of desire built up. And last night was only the appetizer.
After we both came, we laid there in each other's arms, vulnerable and spent. He was just overcome with joy that I'm giving him another chance. He said he will never stop regretting the pain he caused me, and will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me. Why wouldn't I give this man another chance?? I know he truly means it.
He acknowledges we still have a long road ahead of us. It won't always be easy. There are triggers for me everywhere; we are seriously looking to sell this house and start over. Maybe even move back to California. He is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. He is a changed man. The thing is, he is becoming who I thought he already was. He has a lot of shit to work through, but he's on his way.
He brought me coffee in bed, we read the Sunday paper like old times together. It felt soooo good. He asked me, "What do you want to do today?" and I only had one thing in mind.
"Get your things out of the guest room. Put everything back in our room." His eyes welled with tears, and we hugged tightly. The past is going to stay in the past, and it's time to build a better present, because now I believe we have a future together.
It was the best weekend we'd had in nine weeks. And today is Monday, and I'm sitting here writing all this down, not wanting to forget any of it.
I am happy.
He had set up a date for us and made all the arrangements. Even childcare for our kids so they'd be gone for the night! I knew he had sex on the brain, and he must've known I was thinking the same thing.
I was a little apprehensive. Was this what I really wanted? Am I ready for this? If I have sex with him, what does this mean? Does this mean he thinks I've forgiven him? Does this mean he moves back into our bedroom? I felt like I needed to know the answers to all of this before I slept with him again. After not having had a shred of intimacy for the last nine weeks, to just jump into bed without thinking about the consequences seemed really immature and dangerous.
I didn't have time.
I worked the morning shift at the bar, ran to the mall to try to find something cute and new to wear, ran home, barely had time to do my nails and shower. I texted my girlfriend my concerns and she said, "just go with it. Relax and enjoy." So I decided to do just that. I didn't find a dress at the mall but instead chose a $300 Guess dress I bought years ago that still had the tags on it. I had never had an opportunity to wear it; tonight was the night. I did buy a new pair of 5 inch stillettos that looked very sexy. He loved them.
It was a little awkward. I did hold his hand, and his huge smile was just the reassurance I needed. I knew that every little thing I did was huge in his mind and heart, so I didn't need to worry. We valet parked at a 5 star hotel here, had dinner at the swanky place inside, and then the concert venue was close by so we walked there. He got tickets to one of our favorite bands (how sweet eh?), Keane. They have this amazing hypnotic music that's romantic and sexy, and we play it over and over while we take our baths. He knew this band would trigger happy memories for me, and a way to make new ones. I let him give me a deep sexy kiss in the elevator, his body pressed up against mine. He grinded his hard cock against my pelvis as he kissed me; it felt amazing. I knew then I wanted him as well.
The concert was amazing. We both cried during a few special songs to both of us. It was magical. After the concert, we walked back to the hotel where they had a chocolate bar! That was so decadent! A glass of pinot noir and some chocolate covered strawberries and marshmallows, and we were in heaven. We talked about getting a room, but decided it would be more enjoyable to be at home. After all, he had replaced our marital bed with a brand-new $4000 bed he had never slept in. I was eager to share it with him.
We held hands on the way home, and made goo-goo eyes at each other. When we walked into the house, he didn't assume we would have sex. He assumed he'd go back to the guest room where he's lived the last 2 months, and I'd go into "my" bedroom. We walked upstairs, and had that awkward moment at the top of the staircase landing where it's been like that for two months. But this time would be the last time; the last awkward moment at the top of the stairs. I took his hand and smiled, and guided him to our bedroom.
I let him put his hands on my legs, and they made their way up to my panties, up under my dress. He felt me all the way up, and caressed the breasts he'd fantasized about touching again; my slim waist he thought he'd never feel again. He then grabbed the dress and pulled it over my head as fast as he could. Just like in the movies. It was very hot! I love it when he takes charge, and I let him. By this point, his shirt was off, and I was admiring his skinny body and new tattoos. I loved that he got them just for me; his whores never got to see this sexy guy. They got the broken, pathetic guy he used to be. The tattoos signify the man he's becoming for me. How could I not be turned on??
Like my BFF said, I relaxed and enjoyed. It was amazing. I slapped him in the face several times, and he let me. He knew he deserved it. We were animals; we hurt each other and healed each other as we made love. It was nine weeks since we'd touched, after 22 years of being together and having the most incredible sex life of anyone we know. He hurt me deeply, he strayed. I have not forgiven him really, but I am understanding how broken he was. I am willing to give him another chance with my heart, because he's earning it back every day.
We even made our dog bark and whimper. He was locked in our daughter's empty room, and heard our lovemaking. It was primal and animal, and he was desperate to either save one of us or attack us. Thank God he was locked in there! We couldn't help but laugh at his cries. When we were done, we let him out and reassured him everything was ok. He laid down on the landing, assured all was well. We giggled. We fell asleep happier than we had in 5 months, and slept better as well.
My hubby also woke up backwards, and his stirrings woke me. My head was by his feet, and I was admiring his sexy tush. He really has a great ass. He stared at me, smiling, and grabbed his pillow and swung it around next to mine. I couldn't believe the last 12 hours. Neither could he. He just took my face in his hands and said his dreams came true, that I would come back to him. We cried and then he ravished me again, climbing on top of me and devouring my neck and nipples as he rammed his big dick into me again and again. Nine weeks of desire built up. And last night was only the appetizer.
After we both came, we laid there in each other's arms, vulnerable and spent. He was just overcome with joy that I'm giving him another chance. He said he will never stop regretting the pain he caused me, and will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me. Why wouldn't I give this man another chance?? I know he truly means it.
He acknowledges we still have a long road ahead of us. It won't always be easy. There are triggers for me everywhere; we are seriously looking to sell this house and start over. Maybe even move back to California. He is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. He is a changed man. The thing is, he is becoming who I thought he already was. He has a lot of shit to work through, but he's on his way.
He brought me coffee in bed, we read the Sunday paper like old times together. It felt soooo good. He asked me, "What do you want to do today?" and I only had one thing in mind.
"Get your things out of the guest room. Put everything back in our room." His eyes welled with tears, and we hugged tightly. The past is going to stay in the past, and it's time to build a better present, because now I believe we have a future together.
It was the best weekend we'd had in nine weeks. And today is Monday, and I'm sitting here writing all this down, not wanting to forget any of it.
I am happy.
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