A broken promise

I'm going to skip my most recent hook-up to fill you in on my recent heartbreak. It's kind of taking over my thoughts the last four days or so and I just want to get it out.

I met a guy I'll call Tyler, we met on Tinder and within two days we met up at a dive bar within walking distance of his apartment. He lives downtown and I'm in the suburbs, so it took me about 45 min to drive there. We hit it off right away texting and we couldn't wait to meet each other. He's 25 and a financial analyst. Tall, blonde, very thin, beautiful blue eyes and the biggest smile with perfect teeth. Very very cute, cuter than his pics. He'd just moved from Chicago and he'd only been here 6 days!!

The dive bar was kind of embarrassing bc there were just a few barflies in there and I'm sure we looked like quite an odd couple. Like mom and son hahaha but I'm sure our body language said either incest or "sugar mama" or "prostitute". LOL He was very nervous and so was I. He'd gotten there first and already had a beer. I had to admit he looked much younger than 25 and he looked awkward drinking a beer. I felt motherly at first like taking it away from him and admonishing him bc he wasn't old enough to drink! So that wasn't a good start.

I ordered a vodka soda and sipped it awkwardly too. It was very awkward. I didn't want to stay there bc like I said, I felt like his mom there, and I was starving. I suggested we get something to eat, and he mentioned a pizza place literally across the street. So he paid for me (loved that!) and we walked across the street. I linked his arm and when we got there we got a table, and our server was young and tattooed and either high or drunk! She wasn't making much sense and was babbling and we thought it was so funny. We got pizza but he barely touched his--I think he was nervous. I ate three pieces (they were cut in mostly little triangles)--just enough that I could keep drinking and not have an empty stomach. Dinner was awkward but the conversation made it less so. We really hit it off--he had a Burning Man story for me (he hasn't been) and we just really started to click. We only had 1 beer. He suggested we "go back to my place for a second beer" and I agreed but told him we weren't having sex. I said it was "too soon". He looked taken aback for a minute and then said, "that's fine!"

It was a beautiful warm summer evening, and we walked back across the street to his apartment. It's in a great location and I told him how we're planning on moving there within a year like just blocks away! He loved that idea. We went in, and it's a very nice, new apartment, and it was obvious he'd just moved and he apologized for the disarray. I reassured him that's what I expected! It was fine. Boxes and nothing put away yet.

We sat on a loveseat that was in the middle of the room and we laughed about it. He got us each a can of beer and there was a little table there and we put them on it. He sat next to me and started to cuddle me and it was nice. Then he went in for a kiss and I let him, but I didn't have a lot of chemistry yet which was weird and new for me, but I was trying something new--taking time to get to know someone I don't have instant chemistry with to try to get a different result. That, and no sex. And he tried a couple times but I stopped him and he finally slowed down and sat next to me, putting my feet up on his lap and just barely caressing my legs. It was nice and I liked it. I liked him a lot.

I didn't stay long, I didn't want to tease him and I didn't know if he was truly a nice guy and wouldn't keep trying and so I said I needed to go. He said "okay!" in such a cute and innocent way, it totally put me at ease. I was relieved and glad. He WAS indeed a nice guy.

He walked me to my car, we held hands and chatted, and when we got there of course he pushed me against the car and kissed me. He wasn't a great kisser but I didn't care--I liked kissing him anyways and thought "hmmm maybe I'll see him again and we can practice!" He was so attentive, so complimentary, and I drove off with a huge smile on my face. I hadn't even turned the corner when he started texting me how great a kisser I was and how beautiful etc and how he couldn't wait to see me again. We'd made plans for the following Sunday and he said "five days wait will be torture".

And he kept his word. He texted a lot and we snap chatted and we discussed what we'd do next date.  I knew I still didn't want to fuck him. I really wanted to see if we could have something deeper.

He suggested sushi and I said "great!" and he picked a place. I drove and picked him up and he kissed me right away. It was awesome. I was becoming smitten. I'd missed him and found myself really enjoying being with him. The restaurant turned out to be a little farther than we'd thought--I should've helped him find it bc he'd only been here in the city now 2 weeks! But again, it was a beautiful warm summer evening, and my shoes were comfortable despite being stilettos. We walked probably almost a mile, hand in hand, chatting endlessly. People stared and I said to him, "I'm sure they think I'm your mother!" and he said he didn't think so but if the did he "didn't give a fuck" which I really liked.

We REALLY talked over dinner. He asked about our open marriage, he asked me all sorts of questions. OH!!! I FORGOT TO TELL YOU--- on our first date I mentioned I blogged and he said he wanted to read them. I texted him the link to my "safe" blog (not this one) when I got home and I honestly couldn't believe it when he told me he'd actually read it. I was blown away. NO guy has ever taken this much interest in me. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was becoming more smitten as the evening progressed. I liked everything about him.

We had sake which I had never really cared for before, but it went down smooth. They had like 10 different kinds and I liked how he took charge and picked out one. He was just too cute. I liked everything about him.

After dinner (which again, he paid for everything. Such a perfect gentleman) we walked back to his apartment hand in hand again. Again, I told him I wasn't ready to have sex yet and he asked why. I said, 'it will ruin it." He said, 'ruin what?" And I said, "I'll never hear from you again" and he prodded and asked me why I thought that. I told him that's what keeps happening to me and told him about my last hookup (the one I skipped telling you about) and he said he couldn't believe anyone would do that to me. He said, "I WOULD JUST WANT MORE AND MORE!!!!!' That was cute and made me smile, but I still wasn't ready to sleep with him just yet. I really wasn't. The chemistry just wasn't there the way it usually is for me and I knew I was trying something new and giving this new experience a chance.

We were near his apartment when he suddenly pushed me up against the side of this building and started kissing me. I loved it. It was romantic and bold. It was super hot. It was just like a movie!
When we got back to his apartment, again he got us a couple of beers and we sat on the same loveseat which was in the same place it was the last time I was there. He cuddled me and kissed me and he really really wanted to touch my breasts and I let him. I was dressed very provocatively and I did want to fool around with him, I just didn't want to fuck him yet. I didn't want sex. And he got a little too grabby and it hurt so I laughed and said something to let him know he hurt me but that I knew it was bc he was super excited. I honestly wasn't trying to tease him. I was trying to get to know him slowly. I didn't want to lose him by fucking him too soon.

Again I didn't want to stay too long; I had a long drive ahead of me (about 45 min) and I didn't want to let things go too far like I did with the last guy I'll call Jonah I'll tell you about next. The conversation was AMAZING. He said things to me like, "what do you have to offer me?" and "how will this work?" and stuff like that. I felt like he was REALLY into me. I said at one point how he should date others if he wants to bc I can't be as available to him as I'd like to be. Of course I don't want him to date anyone else but I can't be selfish!! And I know how to share so I guess I think others can do that too. Anyways, the most amazing thing he said and did was this--are you ready?? He took my face in his hands and said, "I want to know all of this"--and he pointed to my forehead--"and all of this"--and he pointed to my heart. I was melting. I knew the next date I'd want to fuck him. I almost gave in right then and there. But I wanted to save it. I was so happy. It was another perfect date. And here's the clincher----when we were having our deep convo about what kind of a relationship we could have we also talked about how we'd end things if it came to that. He said, and I'm quoting, "I WOULD NEVER EVER GHOST YOU". YEP HE PROMISED. We said we both say to people, "I'm sorry but I don't think we're a match" and we were like wow I said that too! So like I said, he was perfect, saying all the right things and I thought he was totally into me.

And we had talked about the next date and what we would do and when it would be. We decided Thursday, and I said I wanted to definitely have sex with him next time. I said, "Since I have a long drive there and back and I want to have as much time with you as possible, should I just come straight here?" and he said sweetly, "no, no Anna I want to take you out to dinner and talk about keep getting to know you!" COULD HE BE ANY MORE PERFECT????

Again after he walked me to my car and kissed me, it was heaven. I was quite smitten by this point. And again, no sooner had I driven away the texts came. How beautiful I am, what a great kisser, how badly he can't wait to see me again. It was perfect. He was saying all the right things and he was everything I was looking for.

The following week was a big week for me, and it started well. First of all, he was texting me like crazy. It was awesome. I had to tell him Thursday wasn't going to work for me after all bc I had a girlfriend coming in from California. No worries he also had been telling me he had a buddy coming to visit too! I think it was around this time I found his Instagram and sent him a follow request. He told me he deactivated his Facebook and sure enough I couldn't find one.

My band played at a big festival on Friday and he even remembered and wished me a good show. He'd said he wished he could be there but had to work till 6 (we went on at 5). We were literally two miles away from him. I was disappointed but he let me know the week prior he probably wouldn't be able to get off work early as he'd only been there a week. It was fine. I had zero expectations. And I sent him a couple pics someone had taken of me singing and he thought they were hot. He was very attentive Friday. We decided to see each other Sunday instead as his friend would be gone and I thought mind was leaving Sunday as well. We were both very excited to see each other again.

Saturday was brief texting but again very positive and happy and and he was texting first. I knew he had friends there so I wasn't about to pester him. I sent him a couple snaps and he loved them. I was busy too--we went to the festival again with our big group of friends and had a blast.

Sunday morning I wrote him around 10:30 am that unfortunately I wouldn't be able to see him as my friend wasn't leaving after all until Monday. He wrote back immediately he "just woke" and he "thinks he's dying." Big hangover apparently. They'd gone out and had a blast. He begged me to come see him but I couldn't--we were headed out to go on a friend's boat. I sent him a (clothed) pic of some heavy cleavage and said he could 'put his aching head" right between them. He didn't respond and by 4:00 pm I wrote him to see if he was ok. He said he'd just awakened again and that "I wish I could see you right now." I sent him a pic from the boat and he didn't respond until 6:00 Monday night, which made me sad all day bc I had time to go see him and kept waiting to see if he wanted to see me!! I was nearby too! I drove my girlfriend to the airport and could've seen him afterwards. His text was just one text, said he thought the pic I sent was cute and that he'd had such a terrible hangover he was very sick and "work was a nightmare." I said simply, "Yikes, so sorry to hear!"

Nothing else from him that evening, and nothing Tuesday. I wanted to see him so badly. What about our sexy date??? Why wasn't he asking to see me??? I managed to wait until Wednesday night around 9 and wrote, "Tyler I miss you! What's up?" I should've waited for a response and gone to bed. I didn't. I wrote him an hour later, "Talk to me...please?? What's going on ???

He read it Thursday and responded around 3 in the afternoon, "hey sorry! I have had a terrible week, I'll talk tonight sorry".

I haven't heard from him since. Today is Monday.

I had already started grieving assuming something was up, and my week was becoming quite terrible as well, caused by him. What was going on? Why couldn't he/wouldn't he talk to me? If anyone would understand it would be me. I was annoyed tho and really didn't know what to say, and it took me a few hours to respond, to which I simply said, "OK" bc the ball was in his court to explain. An hour after I wrote "OK" I wrote, "you can call me" bc I wanted to hear his voice.

He didn't call, he didn't text, and I got upset. I wrote him around 10:30 pm, "idk what's going on with you Tyler but I'm not giving up on you" and then "When can I come see you? You need me"

He stopped watching my Snapchat stories, but he hasn't deleted me as I can still see his score, which goes up daily. SOMEONE is snap chatting him and vice versa. He has not accepted nor denied my Instagram follow request. He hasn't posted any snapchat stories of his own either.

I was so upset I cried. I've cried a couple times, and obviously, I'm still very upset and hurt he's done the one thing he promised me he would not do, and that's ghost me. That hurts the worst. I mean I'm a big girl. I told him that. I said I've been lied to, and ghosted, and nothing hurts worse than "not knowing".

I wonder since all I've done is think about him and what the fuck is happening, and "will I ever hear from him again?" and "when I do will I even give a shit anymore??" Bc I haven't told you the worst of it---HE HASN'T EVEN READ MY LAST TEXTS. THEY ARE STUCK IN "DELIVERED".

So who walks around with the number 2 next to their messages?? Wouldn't that drive a person crazy? Has he blocked me? Did he just left-swipe it when it came in, which would have deleted everything we've ever written to one another??

So since he's given me no choice but to come up with theories of my own (ASSHOLE) here's what I came up with--

1. Most likely he's got another girl who's fucking him and he feels badly about it bc he DID and maybe DOES care for me but he's getting his needs met and I can't say I blame him. I'm not that available HOWEVER he said he'd never ghost me so fuck just tell me you're seeing someone. Not that fucking hard to do.

2. He's not in jail or the hospital bc I can see he's snap chatting someone. Or several someones.

3. Did I forget to tell you he deleted his Tinder??? Now I don't know when he did it---for all I know it was after we first met up. I didn't think to look until he went AWOL.

I came up with what I call "Reasonable Excuses to Temporarily Ghost Someone". They are as follows:

A) you've lost a significant family member
B) you've been in jail or the hospital
C) you lost your job/apartment and became homeless

These are truly things that can cause a person to not text someone for a certain length of time, and when some sort of stabilization happens, they text people that are important to them and let them know "hey, X-happened and I really lost it there and I'm sorry I haven't written. When can I see you? I'll tell you the whole story." That sort of thing. So, here I sit, waiting for that follow-up text he promised to send. I still have hope. I don't know why. Call me loyal or romantic or stupid. Maybe I'm all three.

And I've been downtown a couple times including last night, and have to fight the temptation to just show up at his apartment. It often works in the movies. LOL

But here's what I ultimately decided--he may have had a terrible week, but you know what?? So did I, bc he made me cry. He didn't keep his word. He broke a promise. I have no idea what's real and what's not.

But I'm not siting around waiting for him. I've got someone new and yes, I'm back at square one, and it's emotionally tiring, but I refuse to be bitter or angry. As each day goes by that I don't hear from him, I care less and less about his bad week, or bad month. I may be sad but I'm not going to let anybody dull my sparkle.

Hot LA Tinder hookup!

Hello my naughty readers, hope everyone's enjoying their summer! When the weather gets hot, so does Anna. I've had some fun, some ups and some downs. Wanna hear?

First of all I was in LA about a month ago and hooked up with a Tinder hottie I'll call Alex that I'd "met" online over a year ago. We'd tried to meet up a couple times but it just didn't work out. This time it did! He came to my hotel--he was cuter than his pics which is always a fun surprise! He's young, 26 I think, lots of tattoos and looks like a dead ringer for M Shadows from the band Avenged Sevenfold. Damn hot. Just my type. And he's got freckles and a sweet, shy way about him. I met him in the lobby and he was feeling excited and so was I! Having a Tinder guy meet you at a 5-star hotel is always fun. He was overwhelmed and excited and when we met, we hugged and he had a huge smile. We were immediately at ease with one another, and I linked arms with him and we chatted as we walked to the elevator. We liked each other instantly! We'd texted a bit over the year so we felt like we knew about each other enough to feel comfortable. And we did!

We got to my room and he was amazed. I showed him the view of the outdoor pool--it had these large lights floating in the shape of spheres and was just super cool. I wish he'd gotten there earlier-I told him I wanted to have a drink together first and hang out. He had come from a family BBQ so.

He was a perfect gentleman, asked what I wanted to do and said he'd let me take charge so I'd feel comfortable. We started kissing and it didn't take long for all the clothes to come off. He had a great body! He was maybe 5-11, a bigger guy but mostly muscle-y. Washboard stomach. Full sleeve tattoos on both arms. Super sexy and those freckles on his face weakened me. He laid down on the bed and the first thing I did was straddle his face and pushed my pussy onto it. I decided this is my new thing hahahaha bc I need to weed out the guys who won't lick pussy straightaway! And he dove right in. It was awesome. I didn't need to stay there long bc I can't cum that way anyways, I just wanted to make sure he would do that. And it's a hot move I know these guys don't get from their young chicks bc they always tell me.

I massaged his head while he ate me out and I moaned my appreciation. After a good licking I wanted to return the favor so I gently climbed off of him, kissed him (bc again--most chicks don't like kissing a guy after he's licked them). I straddled his hips and rubbed my pussy on him and we kissed--he was a GREAT kisser! And then I made my way down to his stiff hard cock. I gave him a nice long slow BJ and he was very appreciative! I had my condom ready and tore it open and handed it to him. It totally turns me on watching a guy put a condom on. I just love watching guys touch their dicks hehe ;)

I climbed on top of him and fucked him hard, his hands holding on tight to my ass. And then with one arm around my waist, he flipped me over and fucked me from on top. We changed positions a couple times. The one that put him over was us laying with him behind me, fucking me from behind, kissing and biting my neck, his hands fingering my pussy. I didn't cum (I usually don't with anyone new) but it was F U N!!!!! He was sweet and delicious and I felt turned on and safe with him. All necessary things!! We laughed and we were sweaty and happy. We cuddled for a little bit--it was nice. We chatted about how fun that was and how it took a year to finally meet up! I said that I travel there a few times a year and I want him to be my boytoy every time I visit! He said "definitely!!"

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