Hot LA Tinder hookup!

Hello my naughty readers, hope everyone's enjoying their summer! When the weather gets hot, so does Anna. I've had some fun, some ups and some downs. Wanna hear?

First of all I was in LA about a month ago and hooked up with a Tinder hottie I'll call Alex that I'd "met" online over a year ago. We'd tried to meet up a couple times but it just didn't work out. This time it did! He came to my hotel--he was cuter than his pics which is always a fun surprise! He's young, 26 I think, lots of tattoos and looks like a dead ringer for M Shadows from the band Avenged Sevenfold. Damn hot. Just my type. And he's got freckles and a sweet, shy way about him. I met him in the lobby and he was feeling excited and so was I! Having a Tinder guy meet you at a 5-star hotel is always fun. He was overwhelmed and excited and when we met, we hugged and he had a huge smile. We were immediately at ease with one another, and I linked arms with him and we chatted as we walked to the elevator. We liked each other instantly! We'd texted a bit over the year so we felt like we knew about each other enough to feel comfortable. And we did!

We got to my room and he was amazed. I showed him the view of the outdoor pool--it had these large lights floating in the shape of spheres and was just super cool. I wish he'd gotten there earlier-I told him I wanted to have a drink together first and hang out. He had come from a family BBQ so.

He was a perfect gentleman, asked what I wanted to do and said he'd let me take charge so I'd feel comfortable. We started kissing and it didn't take long for all the clothes to come off. He had a great body! He was maybe 5-11, a bigger guy but mostly muscle-y. Washboard stomach. Full sleeve tattoos on both arms. Super sexy and those freckles on his face weakened me. He laid down on the bed and the first thing I did was straddle his face and pushed my pussy onto it. I decided this is my new thing hahahaha bc I need to weed out the guys who won't lick pussy straightaway! And he dove right in. It was awesome. I didn't need to stay there long bc I can't cum that way anyways, I just wanted to make sure he would do that. And it's a hot move I know these guys don't get from their young chicks bc they always tell me.

I massaged his head while he ate me out and I moaned my appreciation. After a good licking I wanted to return the favor so I gently climbed off of him, kissed him (bc again--most chicks don't like kissing a guy after he's licked them). I straddled his hips and rubbed my pussy on him and we kissed--he was a GREAT kisser! And then I made my way down to his stiff hard cock. I gave him a nice long slow BJ and he was very appreciative! I had my condom ready and tore it open and handed it to him. It totally turns me on watching a guy put a condom on. I just love watching guys touch their dicks hehe ;)

I climbed on top of him and fucked him hard, his hands holding on tight to my ass. And then with one arm around my waist, he flipped me over and fucked me from on top. We changed positions a couple times. The one that put him over was us laying with him behind me, fucking me from behind, kissing and biting my neck, his hands fingering my pussy. I didn't cum (I usually don't with anyone new) but it was F U N!!!!! He was sweet and delicious and I felt turned on and safe with him. All necessary things!! We laughed and we were sweaty and happy. We cuddled for a little bit--it was nice. We chatted about how fun that was and how it took a year to finally meet up! I said that I travel there a few times a year and I want him to be my boytoy every time I visit! He said "definitely!!"

Yum yum yummy

Anna's hubby gets some action!

Hello sexy readers!!

I thought I'd take today to fill you in on a couple things you may be wondering about, like, namely, my husband's love life!! Without digressing into the whole journey we took getting here, basically, you could say right now it's more equal than it's been in the last 4 years since I accidentally uncovered years of lies and infidelity. 

Basically, it's been mostly one-sided since we reunited in April of 2012. Of course I have had major trust issues with him, so he has refrained from having other women in his life until recently. It's not that he hasn't been interested in anyone; it's that I haven't allowed him to act on it. The first woman he chose was a co-worker (yes, AGAIN) and I forbid it. He willingly complied. Always worried he will cheat again--hence the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I made sure his leash was on tight at all times. Fearful of losing me, he obliged and didn't complain.

We've made increasing progress over the last two years, mostly because I had some epiphanies that began the night I watched my mother take her last breaths. And of course, weekly therapy for three years and anti-depressants during that time. And most of all, my steadfastness and earnestness to heal from the trauma.

I also made a New Year's resolution this last New Year's Day that I would not live another day in fear. With my permission, my husband went back on Tinder and OKCupid, and met someone. I'll call her "Kate".

I told him I needed him to take it slowly, and he was wonderful and said that was fine. He said all the right things; that "no one was worth" losing me over. still suffer from PTSD from all the trauma; just hearing his phone "ding" and seeing him holding it and texting his mother even was causing major distress to me. 

But I worked through it. And all this started way before I met Blondie. I wasn't seeing anyone, and here it was his turn for some attention. I did feel a lot of guilt that it was one-sided, but it was mixed with quite a bit of indignation in the form of "you should feel so fucking lucky you have ME!! How dare you want anyone else???!!!" 

But the REAL breakthroughs came when I went to California by myself in January this year. I spent a lot of time on the beach; the very beaches I grew up on that welcome me back every time with open arms. I had some epiphanies during my time on the sand: I ran every day, I played in the water, I meditated, I cried, I sat and watched the surfers, I gazed at the cute little sandpipers running back and forth with the waves, poking their long, skinny beaks into the sand for food. I took a zillion pictures. I never wanted to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the sun and sleep. I realized how eternal the ocean is--that it was here long before me. That is was there for me when I was growing up, and every time I return, it welcomes me with open arms and all it's grandeur and love. And long after I'm gone, it will still be there, giving its love to everyone who comes and seeks joy on her shores. 

I burst into tears when I realized that this is the love my husband gives me. It's eternal, it is unconditional, and what is MY love???!! The opposite!! It was quite a moment. I decided right then and there on my beach that I would try to love him the way he loves me. Starting right now.

Add to that, I met HH two days later, and I had such a fun time with him. And I continued to think, "I could fall in love with HH and would it diminish what I feel for my H (husband)?" And the answer is no. And he loves me enough to allow me to be whoever I need to be to be true to myself! Don't I want that for HIM??!! I would never get to that place if he had a leash on me the way I've had a leash on him. 

What I left out is, when I left for California, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The worst I'd had in a long time. All I thought about night and day was him and Kate.  I'd "allowed" him to go on 5 dates with her!!! Nothing had yet happened aside from one kiss which made me go ballistic. I wanted desperately to be "ok" with them fucking but was holding the leash on them. I had been going to hypnosis also to try to re-program my brain from the trauma of being cheated on. It was helping but I still couldn't get there. 

I even made the effort to meet Kate and indeed we met her for drinks. I needed to try harder. Because my husband deserved it. He was trying so hard to do the right thing. She was SO nice, SO respectful, and we ended up being friends. Not BFF's mind you. But I believed her when she said she loves her husband and isn't looking to replace him with my H. I felt so good about her I invited her to come to our band's gig the following week.

And she came, and when I saw her, I was actually happy for my H. It was HUGE. Huge progress for me to see them standing together, body language showing interest in one another and thinking about my husband being naked with another woman. I had a few bad moments but I realized I could get past them.

So I was getting there, but increasing was my anxiety over "letting them" actually fuck. They weren't pressuring me for permission thankfully--the pressure came from within me. I was convinced that if they did, I would go into a full-on PTSD rage and I'd want to divorce him, and he was so scared that would happen, he said he had all but lost interest in her or anyone. 

So by the time I left for California, I was so worked up with anxiety about it all. I wanted so desperately to be a different person than I was. And I was trying so fucking hard to get there! What was my fucking problem??? The trauma. The cheating. It does REAL damage folks. Until you've been there, you have NO IDEA. And I had come a long way with all my therapy and meds, but still, the PTSD is REAL. And it can be REAL BAD.

When I returned from my trip, I felt like I had truly healed. My ocean, my beach healed me.

I told my H all about my epiphanies and of course he was happy for me but distrustful that it would last. And I can't honestly say he isn't right, but I am trying very hard.

The very next week he had to travel there himself for work and I suggested he look up "Ling-Ling" (not her real name) and see if she was interested in hooking up. She did want to see him! He met her at her work in downtown LA and they went out to dinner. It was about a four-hour date; it didn't end in sex, only a hug but they had a great time. I was actually totally fine the whole time bc my H was texting me the whole time, checking in with me frequently. He was so scared of doing the wrong thing.And he contacted her again last week when he was in LA again and she stood him up, but continued to send him sexy pics of herself and say "next time".

Enter Blondie.

Meeting him has made me appreciate my H even more. He is so supportive of our relationship because, and I quote, "he makes you happy."

I want to love him that much. And it has made me question so many things about myself, marriage, and all that stuff. But that's for another blog.

And when we were in LA last week together, we were at the hotel bar (Sunset Marquis mind you, not just your "average" hotel bar) and we were getting hammered. I was making out with some hot model and I realized later my H was making out with some older woman at the same time! We laughed about it later. We were both okay.

I had to fly home the following day and he stayed for work, and I told him to see if Ling-Ling was interested in seeing him. They texted back and forth, but ultimately, she was apparently too busy once again, but she IS still interested in taking things further and they have a tentative hook-up date for early April when he travels there again.

I know Kate has shown renewed interest in him as well, and my thing was always, "don't fuck JUST her", which is why I kept encouraging him to see Ling-Ling in California too. I was so worried about him falling in love with Kate and I thought if he had more than one woman that would be less likely to happen.

How silly I've been.

Being with Blondie has opened my eyes to a different perspective on things in so many ways. And of course, a lot of it is in the abstract bc it hasn't happened yet. My husband has NOT fucked another woman since September 2011. And I know he's super conflicted about it.

The night we were at the Sunset Marquis and we'd both been making out with other people, we got separated from each other and found each other by one of the outdoor pools. I can't remember a time when we were that drunk. I was mostly giggly (I get like that) but he was almost desperate. He was so upset at what he had done and was beside himself. When we talked the next day, I realized it was bc he hadn't had a chance to ASK me if he could make out with this woman. He felt like he'd cheated on me again and he was just sick about it. He stopped himself from going to her hotel room by getting up and leaving the bar when she said she had to go use the restroom. He came to find me and was scared when he couldn't find me initially.

I said to stop worrying, it was fine. Even though he was drunk, he stopped himself from fucking her. I was proud of him. And if he hadn't?? I guess I would've freaked out! He's right!! But maybe not, bc Blondie and I had just had two amazing dates before our trip and we were texting the whole time I was there. I've been in La-La Land ever since and it's like nothing bothers me now! I'm floating up above and sharing the loving feeling as if I were a hippy on acid. Love, love, love, like the Beatles song.

I realized later too, that my H has really no rules or leash on me. I have to be the same for him. I WANT to be the same way.

If I want to fuck someone, I just tell him. BEFORE I do anything. And that's really our only rule. Let each other know BEFORE anything happens. But then like that Saturday night at the Marquis, sometimes, you get into a compromising situation and the request for permission doesn't happen. I have to be forgiving and flexible.  I have to know my husband's heart. It's called TRUST.

And I can truly say, four years after D-day, that he has earned that trust back.

Crazy vacation shit

I was so fucking excited to go to California and see B, you have no idea. I spent days prepping--got my pretty fake tan just so, worked out as usual (I'm at a great weight right now), and had my roots touched up. All the planets were aligned and off I went. We had texted the night before that I would text him when I landed in LA and he was going to meet me at my hotel. I was getting super horny and thinking nasty thoughts the whole 4-1/2 hour plane ride. I couldn't wait to get there!

No sooner had I gotten to my hotel room and texted him, I got a text from a girlfriend of mine from the city I just moved from.  She told me a mutual friend of ours (I'll call her Erica) had passed away. This friend just happens to be the girl my hubby and I had a 3sum with back in April (see my blogs about her May 2011--titled "Aftermath" and "Tables are Turned"). I was instantly in shock. WTF???!! Sitting in my beautiful poolside suite, waiting to hear from B, my phone started blowing up. Calls coming in from friends about Erica. Each of us trying to get info about what happened to her. I had to call my hubby--he began sobbing. It was horrible. 

Next thing I knew, several hours had passed by--I'd cried off all my makeup and was exhausted,  and still nothing from B. I showered and got dressed up and decided to go downstairs and get myself some dinner. I still thought I was going to see him, and I hadn't eaten all day. After my solo dinner with all the hired help stumbling over themselves --it was so good for my ego--B finally called me. His voice was sexy and gravelly and he was telling me about something he had to do and would call me in a half hour. I decided to go wait for him in the bar. The bar at this hotel is like U-shaped, and I was sitting in the "U" when guy came and sat to the left of me. He wasn't cute, but I was bored and getting drunk. I had absolutely nothing better in the world to do than sit there and get drunk. I didn't have my kids, or hubby, I had no place I needed to be in the morning, and B wasn't calling me back. So I ordered another Grey Goose and Red Bull and chatted up the guy to my left.  I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL, I was just bored. He must've thought otherwise, cuz next thing I knew, we were in the elevator together. My floor was the 3rd, and his was the 5th, but i realized he got out with me and was walking to my room. I don't think I'd been this drunk in ages! What a shame about B. I was really disappointed. But I had a new problem--this guy was sitting on the edge of my bed and somehow I'd stupidly given him my phone number!! I was in a drunken haze and thankfully he was a gentleman and finally left after I thwarted one of his kisses.  I ignored his texts about what he wanted to do to me--"I can come back!"--bleh!!! and passed out. 

Yes, I woke up with a terrible hangover. I also woke up to realize my friend was dead. This thought sobered me up.  My phone had a zillion text messages waiting for me about her and I had new info that she was indeed still alive, albeit in a coma. She was on life support awaiting the possibility of her donating her organs. This was so upsetting. WTF happened to her??!! More questions than answers. She was in a hospital about 3 hours away--I was tempted to drive there but for what? She was in a coma, and they were planning on taking her off life support. I didn't really know her that well and I didn't really belong there.  I went and spent the entire day and evening with my parents and family there in LA.

When I got back to my hotel room around midnight, again I freshened up and went downstairs to the bar. Too late!! They had already closed!! So all dressed up and nowhere to go, I went back to my room and texted Mickey. He responded right away--he was at work and bored. I told him what happened to my friend, how I was in LA alone and how I had wanted to go see him in Oregon but that he waited to long to tell me if he wanted me to come or not and now tickets were like $700 so I couldn't go. I decided to have some fun and tried on a sexy dress and heels I'd brought to wear to go see B--and started taking pictures of myself in the mirror.

Mickey loved them! I took about 25 pics in various poses--in the gorgeous dress and heels--"you look amazing!!" Mickey gushed--and then stripped for him, one click at a time. It was so fun. Sexy and fun and he was full of compliments. I finally got so turned on I got in bed and had to make myself climax. All that pent-up sexual frustration from B standing me up. I fell asleep happy, feeling like Mickey was back in my life--that he'd never left. I wonder if his GF has her own version of their relationship and he has HIS own. He texted me he was looking for a new roommate....so....does she live with him or not?? What's with the whole "domestic partnership" thing?? I really don't know. He's too busy to talk to me. Or involved with her. Who knows. I was lonely and bored and feeling rejected and somehow Mickey always comes through for me when I need him.

The next night I was alone too, no plans. B finally called me again and made up some sort of lame excuse and said very sweetly and sincerely that he would 'make it up to me". Whatever. It's been 2 weeks and still haven't heard a peep.

The next day, my last day in LA, my BFF met me at my hotel and we spent like 14 hours shopping, eating, walking on the pier, watching the surfers and the seagulls, talking and talking and talking. It was so wonderful. I even decided to commemorate the day by getting a tattoo and I ended up doing just that!!

The black cloud of our friend's eventual death Saturday morning got darker when we found out she'd taken her life. My only vacation in a year to have this horrible news turned my weekend into a spiritual awakening of sorts. I felt so alive back in the fresh air and great weather and vowed to figure out a way to get back there. Also, one knows what Erica meant to me and my hubby. No one can ever know. It's a secret she obviously took to her grave and we'll take to ours. So very very sad.

                    *************************************************************

I am done with B and the Irish guy and all the ones who just don't show up. I promptly got back on the website and found a new hottie! His name is the same as my hubby's and we have been sexting heavily. Two nights in a row now he's made a video for me---if you know what I mean---and sent them to me. Get this--he actually lives 15 minutes away and has been begging to come see me!! I told him sorry, gotta meet you in public first. I'm all about first impressions. I will know ASAP if he's someone who's going to get my panties off.

I am really excited!! Thursday's the day!!!

What a week. 

        

Still looking for Mr. Right Now--I might've found him!

Not content to sit around and wait for Mickey to decide what he wants, I turn to my dating website to find some fresh meat. There are so many hot guys on there--the problem is so many just end up exchanging pics and chickening-out when it comes time to meet. BUT---I found someone new--he is a hottie who lives about an hour away with an Irish accent!! He's half my age, and has the most beautiful smile and sparkly brown eyes. He has perfectly straight teeth, and a sexy, disarming smile. So so cute. We have been writing on yahoo messenger all week and we are meeting on Saturday!!  His name is Damian and he's fucking hot. Just the right guy to help me break my unintended sexual sabbatical! Thankfully he lives alone and I'm driving to meet him near where he lives. He's invited me to spend the night....mmmmm I'm thinking about it! I love the pics he's sent me and he loves mine so I'm really hoping he'll be worth the hour drive! I will keep you all updated. Cross you fingers! I could use a hunk like him right now. His compliments and constant attention right now picks me up when I'm down and obsessing over you-know-who. Who, by the way, was online 24/7 and has now gone completely AWOL. His facebook has gone private too. Can't read a thing anymore. Do you think this is all directed at me? How would I know? Enough, Anna, enough.

I'm so annoyed at Mickey's lack of response---my insides are literally tied up in knots wondering what the fuck is going on with Mickey--especially since I looked up "Domestic Partnership" and it says that in his state it is, and I quote, "....almost equivalent to marriage." What I don't know is have they legally done something or was it just, "hey, we're on facebook and we are living together so since there's no "living together" choice they picked this one? Who knows. I know that I'm getting really stalker-ish lately trying to get answers--so I've decided to just stop. I can't keep torturing myself. I didn't really buy a ticket to go see him anyway. I'm not sitting around waiting for an answer. His silence is screaming, "I don't know what to do here!!!"My BFF told me give it a few more days and then send him a text that I hadn't heard from him and that I'm excited to see him, etc. I don't know. I'm tempted to just do nothing. Let him go. I don't want to push him into her arms trying hard to "be a good boy"--HIS words.\

I'm annoyed with myself, and him. He's such an asshole. Why can't he just talk to me like a regular person???? If he's serious about her, why can't he just fucking say it?????

I'll tell you all about my date with Damian as soon as I can! I sure hope there's a spark. He is so cute from his pics so we'll see.

All I know is, I'm ripe for some good ol' fashioned fucking!!!!!

My hubby's GF is coming to visit--and I'm getting anxious

I am SO glad the kids are in school all day long so I have some time alone to myself tomorrow to reflect on the upcoming weekend's events. My hubby's new GF is flying out here on Saturday, and I'm just a mess of mixed feelings.  I can bring out my inner lesbian for a night, if I drink enough, but a whole week?? I'm feeling very anxious. She is almost a complete stranger to me--we do text a little and write on Facebook now and then but she is HIS acquaintance, not mine. I've got to do this for my hubby. He does SO much for me.  He deserves this, I know he does.

My BFF tells me to just embrace her and do it for my hubby.

I want to . I really do. I know she isn't planning on trying to steal my hubby. She sent him a text yesterday that said simply, "I had a dream I was kissing your wife." oooo well isn't THAT interesting??!! So....anyway, I'm going to try to really be a good hostess and be very nice and polite and hopefully drink enough to have some great threesome sex!! I PROMISE to write next week and fill y'all in on our extracurricular activities!!

I told B I went to the gyno (I actually didn't---I looked up info online) and told him I got a "green light". He texted me back ASAP wanting to know what my timeframe was. I said I was planning on coming to see him mid-October. He is soooo excited!!!! (I am too!)

I can't decide how to plan my trip! I want to work in seeing my parents as well--should I see them first? I know I can't wait to see Mickey. I think I'll go see my parents first, then drive to LA and see B and maybe spend the night in LA. Then fly out to see Mickey in Oregon the next morning, it'll be a quick flight. Then fly home, with Mickey's touch still fresh on my skin, his scent still on my body. I want him to drive me to the airport, kiss me goodbye, and drive away thinking about ME. I really can't wait to see him. It's been a year since we saw each other.

I just love how intense he gets with me. He writes me in the middle of the night--"where are you? why aren't you writing me? Talk to me". It's so awesome. I feel so happy.

On a different note, I did meet someone FINALLY who lives in the same city as me!! He is 21, super good-looking--long black hair, dark eyes, very sexy. He took yesterday off from work to meet me but neglected to tell me and I was too busy to see him! I couldn't just drop everything--sadly LOL We are still trying to get together.

I'm still playing tennis with my boss at least once a week, sometimes two, and I'm feeling more and more at ease around him. He's letting his hair grow, and has that stubble from not shaving that is oh so sexy. When he talks I find myself imagining kissing him and realize that I'm not listening! One of these days when he calls me on it, I may have to nerve to admit why. We are working together tomorrow night--a special function--and I don't have to wear my dorky uniform so I plan on flirting heavily with him. My new fantasy about him is to go with him to the storage closet and shut the door (which automatically looks from the outside) and grab him and plant a big wet kiss on that sexy mouth! He's got the most perfect straight, white teeth (next to Mickey) and I'm telling you, the stubble is hella sexy.

Bedtime now my dears. I'll be too busy drinking, smoking pot, and being naked to write till next week so hope y'all have a great weekend and I'll fill you all in on this weekend's shenanigans on Friday (next Friday).

Love always,
Anna XOXOXO

Finding happiness in the middle of the night

Long after I'd gone to sleep two nights ago, I hear the familiar chime on my iPhone on my nightstand. It's Mickey. FINALLY. He's on yahoo messenger at long last, and writes me his usual, "what's up?" like a whole month hasn't passed but just a few days.

How I longed for the strength to ignore him. I laid there in the dark, staring at his user name, and his words, but I was too happy and relieved to have any sort of resolve. I wrote him back immediately, "hey sexy man, where've you been?" Thanks to my detective work (called Google) I knew I wasn't going to take any excuses.

He started in with his usual, "busy". I said, 'Bullshit". Ok, I actually didn't say that, but I wanted to. That's what I was thinking. I ignore it and asked if he'd gotten a phone yet--knowing full well he did. Yeah, he said. I asked him what hasn't he called or texted me? Had he changed his number? He said no, same number. I said I'd texted and called him and no response. He said simply, "my GF  gets mad." Hmmm.

Since he doesn't actually talk in complete sentences on yahoo messenger, I ask them and wait for answers. I was bold and pretty straightforward. Even though I'd been sound asleep moments earlier. The gist of his situation is this--he's back and forth with the same GF he'd cheated on with me that fateful June 25th day in that hotel room way back when I first started this blog!! Two years ago? Three? I can't even remember. Yes, same girlfriend.

I asked him if he was happy with her. He said, "comes and goes." WOW isn't he descriptive? What the hell does that mean??! So I poked and prodded him. Because I always feel that every single encounter with him could be the last. I try to get as much out of him every time JUST IN CASE.

He teased me back.  He said, "you'll be sad when I get married." So I said, "why is that?" hahaha I used to say things like, "oh, I know, I don't know how I'll handle it." But not now. He has worn me down. 

He didn't answer. So I said next, "So! When's the wedding?" and I was about to say, "so I can send my gift" but he quickly answered, "LOL I'm not getting married!" I've been down this road with him before and I know it will come one day. And no, I am not prepared, and yes, he's right, I WILL be sad. I'll be more than that though--I'll be distraught.

But I didn't want to tell him that. So I started teasing him back. I said, "Marry me". He said, "but you're already married." I said, "So I can marry you too. The three of us. I'll be faithful to you and my hubby."

He was like, hmmm, what do I say to that?? He just said, "How would that work?" and I said, "very well actually! You'll get everything you want. Emotionally, financially, in every way." I could tell he was intrigued.

I teased him further to show I wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't mind sharing him as long as he was in my life. I said he could date others even if I was faithful to him. He was just floored. He said, "are you trying to bribe me?" and I said, " Hey, whatever works!!" lol

I then said, "I'll be your GF is cute. Is she into girls? Let's have a 3sum!" He said, 'No, no, that part of my life with you is separate from her." boo hoo I said too bad LOL I told him I had a boyfriend in LA and that I'm going to see him in a few weeks (B). He got jealous! Yay! I told him, "nah, I'm just going to see my parents. I want to stop and see you" So we talked about me getting a posh hotel room near him and him coming to see me. He truly wants to, I know he does, but he is "trying to be a good boy" so I'm not planning on going to see him now.

That did lead to an interesting conversation about non-monogamy, and how it doesn't work for us or most people, although they won't admit it. I said, "do you think for a second your GF doesn't have the hots for other guys? Of course she does, but she can't tell you, just like you can't tell her about me." OH I forgot to tell you!!! I asked him about the card I sent. "What card?" was his response. I told him about it, and then asked, "does your GF get your mail?" he said yes, I said, "Well, that explains why you never got it. I'm certain she intercepted it." He said nothing.

So....anyway...he's still online, 2 days later, and writing me all the time again. Why now? What has changed?? Nothing, he's still involved with her. But I did tell him, "you always come back to me." After a long pause, he said, "you're right, I do." 

So we'll see where this goes. My heart has hardened and I'm tougher than I used to be. I get him now, like I never got him before, and I actually feel sorry for his girlfriend, because he has broken her heart so many times (I know from her poetry I found online--thank you again Google) and he will break it again. I don't know if I want him that badly anymore. We should both dump him!!!

Damn it's those blue eyes, those dimples, that sexy voice and the way he makes us feel.

Fuck.

The winter blahs have taken over my soul

My dry spell goes on. I am thinking of canceling my profile on the dating website cuz I'm so sick and tired of flakes! I am sick and tired of the texting, exchanging sexy pics, sexy talk, and then when it comes time to actually meet, these guys disappear. I feel like I'm wasting my money and my time. Guys sure know how to talk a big talk but not walk the walk. What is it they want?? They advertise how big their dicks are, how good they are in bed, yada yada yada but no one seems to want to meet a real woman.  I'm so done with it.

I think I told you last blog post I thought I found someone who could possibly fill Mickey's shoes. I found him on the website. He's disappeared now too. He sent me sexy pics and videos of him masturbating--very nice, yes, but I have spent the last 2 weeks trying to pin him down to a date and he's gone AWOL. I'm so annoyed. I honestly don't take it personally. I know I'm sexy, I'm honest, I'm good in bed (well, so I've been told....I do know I love sex and love to please). I take good care of myself, dress nice, smell good LOL and these guys haven't even met me so how can I feel rejected???

ON THE OTHER HAND, I do take it personally when I don't hear from Mickey. He has been amazing the last few months. For example, I was driving to the airport one day last week to pick up my hubby, and I called Mickey. For the record, I almost NEVER call him. I don't want to bug him. So this was unusual. Well, his voicemail picked up, so I just left a short happy message. HE CALLED ME RIGHT BACK!! It was sooooo wonderful hearing his sexy voice, and just knowing he actually called me right back. We chatted the whole drive, and I actually had to say, "I have to let you go, I'm here and I have to call my hubby." Instead of me clinging and clinging like I usually do, I initiated the hang-up so I thought that was good. He is really opening up to me, we talked again about him moving out here. I told him I didn't want to pressure him, and he said he didn't feel pressured. I said, "why don't you just come out for a visit and see if you like it here?" and he agreed that was a good idea. We had a great talk. He said he's really ready for a change--he's going on a liquid fast, and that he was going to stop drinking AND having sex for a month, including no masturbating! I just told him how proud of him I was. There's more but I don't want to bore my audience. I'll move on and just say that he had been texting me nearly every day as well----until this week. Three of my texts have gone unresponded to. I did check his GF's FB page (it's private) but her relationship status has changed from "in a relationship" to "it's complicated", so I guess he's broken up with her--YAY! It's so hard for me to "just chill" and let him come to me, but he always does, so I'm trying to just breathe now every time I think of texting or calling him. He obviously needs room--SOMETHING is going on with him, cuz it's not like him (now, anyway) to not write me back. I'm pretending I've got a life and I'm so busy I hardly notice he hasn't gotten back to me. What a joke. I'm trying.

I guess my challenge is--I need to get a life. I had a life till we moved, and it's been 7 months and I am just really depressed and lonely. I have a job interview tomorrow so hopefully if I get it that will get me out of the house and meet people.

We had a few spring-y days last week, nearly all the snow had melted and the sun was out and I could see green grass in the yard! I went outside and just sucked up some rays and felt the frozen grass with my fingers. I could taste the excitement of warmer weather and outdoor fun. The next day we got 6 inches of snow and haven't seen the sun since. I've loved the snow so far, but the tease of spring was cruel.  I decided to stop pouting and ran out to make a snowman with my daughter. It was just what I needed---it was so fun!! But now the blahs are back again. I've really gotta get my life together. I can't sit around and wait for Mickey, I need to make some plans for myself.  Now I know why people here teased us so much about leaving behind the Gold Coast. I'm sooo missing LA.

Mickey has a girlfriend....and no, it's not me

I seem to have a knack for getting myself into mischief. Why can't I just leave things alone? Having found Mickey's Twitter page, and everything that happened with me thinking he had a phone and cussing him out and all, I decided to sweetly be one of his "followers".  He had posted a Tweet that said he had a new phone (finally!) and so I replied, "yay! Call me!" and posted my phone number for him. I waited with baited breath (whatever that is LOL) I was SO excited to see a text from him. Sure enough, that evening, I DID get a text from him. On that previous phone number he said wasn't his! He said it was Mickey, he was using his friend's phone, and he went on and on about how "bad move--you have to unfollow me", cuz he has a GF now and he doesn't want her to know about me, etc. I have my blog link on there (my "clean" blog, not this one) but he didn't know that. He thought my blog link was to THIS one and THAT'S why he was freaking out. His texts came rambling out like spitfire. One after the other. Ten total, him just going on and on about how this was "too close to my personal life" and "if you keep this up I won't be able to talk to you anymore." He did say that they weren't exclusive and he still dated other people. 

I was sound asleep when these texts came, and my eyesight is so poor without glasses, and I didn't want my hubby to know what was going on, so I just got online and unfollowed him on his Twitter and said I was sorry, I didn't know he had a GF. Then I realized he was upset because of the blog link, so I reassured him it wasn't the sex blog but my clean one so he needn't worry. He said he had to go and would text me as soon as he got a phone.

I went back to sleep uneasy and when I got up, I got on Yahoo and told him (he was offline) that I wanted to reassure him again that the blog link was my clean one and his GF could read it, my kids read it, it's not the sex one. I told him I unfollowed him anyway out of respect for his relationship. That was over a week ago, and I had not seen him online since. Until----this morning! I woke up and had a message from him! I was sooo happy! It came at 1 am and simply said, "hey are you there?" Of course I wasn't, I was asleep, but I wrote him this morning and he's still online (obviously asleep). So I'm excited to hear from him today! I'm relieved he's not mad at me and we are still ok. WHEW!!!!!!

I just have to tell you that this GF of his is the same girl he cheated on with me when I flew out to see him last year. I saw a text from her on his cell. She'd texted him several times while he was with me, and I've always known him running out of the room on me had something to do with her. I may be brave enough to mention it. For now, let's just say I'm glad he's still in my life, and I know that he loves me. 

Oh! And B texted me, he wants to get together again ;) yay! He's got a new billboard in LA, jeez that guy is amazing looking. And a great kisser. And good in bed. Yummy! so my hubby took some new sexy pics of me and I sent him one. I love thinking about what he did with it ;)