Hubby fucks Asian girl

Hello lovely readers, its been awhile since I've written. Sadly, I haven't had much to write about. Blondie has moved on, and that's all I'm going to say about him bc I'm not sure if he reads this blog or not. I had told him about it months ago when we were still at the "friends" stage and had not yet met. Blondie, if you are reading this, well, I don't really need to say anything else. I think what I've already written about you says it all. I miss you terribly.

Deep breath.

In other news, my hubby had some fun a few weeks back, he fucked Ling-Ling! We had talked about it ad infinitum, and I originally had been totally okay with it bc I was seeing Blondie, and I couldn't care less at that time what he did. And then suddenly he had someone and I didn't, and I was getting those uneasy queasy feelings. I knew it would be shitty to put any kind of skid on his fun with her. I had no plans to do that. I had my fun, it was certainly his turn. He had a business trip out in LA where she lives, and had a free evening to see her. He made reservations at some swank bar and she met him there for drinks. Remember this wasn't their first date; they met a month or so ago and had a nice 3 hour date.

They had flirted before the date, she actually texted him, "drinks? Sex?" so he knew where the night was going to go. I was happy for him. I feel like he's earned it after all I've done, and after all we've talked and been through together.

Like I said, I assumed I'd be with Blondie on this particular evening, and when I realized I wasn't going to be, I needed to find some distraction. My friends were all busy. I have been writing new hotties, but didn't really like anyone enough to make a date tbh. There was one guy though I had stopped writing and thought, hmmm, he's hot enough, maybe I'll make the effort to meet him. He lived an hour away though, but I thought, what the hell else do I have to do, the drive would be good for me.

We made a date to meet at a cute bar halfway between us so neither of us would need to drive too far.

Then he cancelled. I knew it was an excuse. This happens a lot to me.

So I frantically started writing other hot boys trying to find someone to go out with me!! And there was one 18 year old that has been after me, well, he's been 17 and I refused to talk to him till he turned 18 and he finally did, so I finally wrote him "hey" and we agreed to meet.

He too cancelled. An excuse.

I thought, 'the universe is trying to tell me to handle this alone. Pay attention to your feelings. A distraction is not what you need tonight. You need to feel whatever you're going to feel."

So I got myself all dressed up and went to my favorite bar that over looks a beautiful lake. It's pretty casual and we frequent this bar so the staff would probably be nice to me and not treat me like the loser I felt like.

I went in and sat down and the bartender, an older gentleman who is very professional, was very nice to me as I needed him to be. I felt very awkward and was feeling better once the pinot I was drinking started to take effect. The bar was busy; there was a woman about my age next to me and I could see her giving me the stinkeye. Why is it women are so mean to each other???! Can't a perfectly nice woman go to a bar and eat alone for Christ's sake??!!

There were a few men to my left, one who was very drunk and very chatty with me. He was actually quite interesting: a physics guy who, he said, has "really, really, really, really, really, really, really" (add about 10 more "really's") " a lot of money." I nodded and chuckled, "That's awesome!!!! Good for you!!" It's fun talking to drunk people.

And I was becoming one of them, and what little filter I usually have was going away. I decided to kill the woman next to me with kindness and struck up a convo with her. By the time she left she was not only pleasant to me but I would say she would say I inspired her to be the best person she could be. I have that effect on people. I read them so well and reflect back what they want to hear about themselves.

What she didn't know was, while I was making myself out to be this lonely wife who's husband was out of town on business and who's kids were busy with their friends, my husband was on a date with another woman, and was going to fuck her. Yeah. Couldn't really talk about that.

I stopped at 2 glasses of wine, had a nice dinner, and went home. Unfortunately, it was only 9 pm my time, which was only 7 pm California time, and she hadn't even shown up yet. She was an hour late for her date with my husband.

I still had the whole evening left. And theirs hadn't even begun. How was I going to get through it????!!

I decided to listen to the universe. I went home and put on my jammies. By then my daughter was home, and I made us a big bowl of popcorn and we watched tv together. We laughed and talked and it was awesome.

Bedtime was harder.

My husband was good about texting me during their date. He was great about texting me as things were happening to make sure I was doing okay, and he was willing to stop at any point if I wasn't. It went from, "she's still not here" to "she's here and she says hi!" to "we are going back to her place, are you ok with that?" to "we stopped making out so I could text you and see if you're still okay".

I WAS okay. I wanted him to have his fun. I certainly had mine. And I was happy for him.

Until.....he stopped responding to my texts around 2 am.

The last I had heard from him was "we are done. Can I sleep a little? I don't want to drive back to my hotel yet." I answered, "yes".

See, what I haven't told you is I wasn't going to give him any rules, but to me, sleeping together seemed to intimate. I never spent the whole night with Blondie, even though I wanted to, out of respect for my husband. It was like, I had my fun, now go home. And my husband said he wasn't going to spend the night with her. His whole plan to go to her place instead of his was precisely for this reason. He even verbalized it--he'd told me earlier in the evening, "I don't want her to come to my hotel! What if she falls asleep?? How will I get rid of her??!!" and thusly that's why he decided to go to HER place instead. So he would have HIS car and be able to leave after.

I need to interject that this was the VERY FIRST TIME  since his infidelity he was going to be having sex with another woman with my knowledge. He needed to 'do it right by me". (oh, and the sex with the call girl a few weeks ago??? NO. I did not know about that till after the fact). This was murky waters he was treading in.

And 10 texts later, of which each of them was increasingly angrier than the one preceding it, he finally wrote back. Nearly 6 hours later. He had simply fallen asleep.

I was irate. It was the worst nights' sleep I'd had since finding out about his cheating. I was a total wreck. How dare he spend the night with her??!! How dare he ignore my texts for 6 hours??! I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. He was due to fly home and I didn't even want to see his face.

He wrote, 'just woke up. I'll call you in 5'.

It was just shy of 6 am California time. The last I'd heard from him was midnight his time.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. He called and profusely apologized. He said they didn't fuck again, nothing happened, he just slept. I was so angry. I said, "I've been sleeping with you for 26 years. You DON'T sleep 6 hours straight. Something always wakes you at least once and you look at your phone and go to the bathroom or something."

It got ugly. We fought via text all day, and when he got home it wasn't much better. Basically, he wanted me to give him the benefit of the doubt ("maybe he's just asleep? I'll find out tomorrow") which I was unable to do.

And I realized that if I had been with Blondie, I would've reacted totally differently. So for me, the experience was, I felt rejected and abandoned by both men. I couldn't yell at Blondie, but I could yell at my husband.

He admitted he was wrong. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He should've gotten up and left like he said he was going to do. He truly thought he would "nap", and not a 6 hour nap.

And it's gotten me thinking in these last few weeks since he was with her, that I have been okay with it. REALLY ok with him seeing her. And i know they're texting. After all, that's what I do, right??!! Selfishly, it's been nice knowing he was still being faithful to me and not fucking any other girl. But this girl might be the reason I'm okay with it. I met her. She's sweet. She's super rich, single, 50, and not trying to steal him.

In other words, my husband can be happily married to me and still fuck someone else. And have a good time with her.

And I can do the same.

It works for us.

We just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary with an expensive dinner, and he gave me diamonds.

Because he feels free and loved in this marriage. We don't own each other.

:))

Anna's hubby gets some action!

Hello sexy readers!!

I thought I'd take today to fill you in on a couple things you may be wondering about, like, namely, my husband's love life!! Without digressing into the whole journey we took getting here, basically, you could say right now it's more equal than it's been in the last 4 years since I accidentally uncovered years of lies and infidelity. 

Basically, it's been mostly one-sided since we reunited in April of 2012. Of course I have had major trust issues with him, so he has refrained from having other women in his life until recently. It's not that he hasn't been interested in anyone; it's that I haven't allowed him to act on it. The first woman he chose was a co-worker (yes, AGAIN) and I forbid it. He willingly complied. Always worried he will cheat again--hence the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I made sure his leash was on tight at all times. Fearful of losing me, he obliged and didn't complain.

We've made increasing progress over the last two years, mostly because I had some epiphanies that began the night I watched my mother take her last breaths. And of course, weekly therapy for three years and anti-depressants during that time. And most of all, my steadfastness and earnestness to heal from the trauma.

I also made a New Year's resolution this last New Year's Day that I would not live another day in fear. With my permission, my husband went back on Tinder and OKCupid, and met someone. I'll call her "Kate".

I told him I needed him to take it slowly, and he was wonderful and said that was fine. He said all the right things; that "no one was worth" losing me over. still suffer from PTSD from all the trauma; just hearing his phone "ding" and seeing him holding it and texting his mother even was causing major distress to me. 

But I worked through it. And all this started way before I met Blondie. I wasn't seeing anyone, and here it was his turn for some attention. I did feel a lot of guilt that it was one-sided, but it was mixed with quite a bit of indignation in the form of "you should feel so fucking lucky you have ME!! How dare you want anyone else???!!!" 

But the REAL breakthroughs came when I went to California by myself in January this year. I spent a lot of time on the beach; the very beaches I grew up on that welcome me back every time with open arms. I had some epiphanies during my time on the sand: I ran every day, I played in the water, I meditated, I cried, I sat and watched the surfers, I gazed at the cute little sandpipers running back and forth with the waves, poking their long, skinny beaks into the sand for food. I took a zillion pictures. I never wanted to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the sun and sleep. I realized how eternal the ocean is--that it was here long before me. That is was there for me when I was growing up, and every time I return, it welcomes me with open arms and all it's grandeur and love. And long after I'm gone, it will still be there, giving its love to everyone who comes and seeks joy on her shores. 

I burst into tears when I realized that this is the love my husband gives me. It's eternal, it is unconditional, and what is MY love???!! The opposite!! It was quite a moment. I decided right then and there on my beach that I would try to love him the way he loves me. Starting right now.

Add to that, I met HH two days later, and I had such a fun time with him. And I continued to think, "I could fall in love with HH and would it diminish what I feel for my H (husband)?" And the answer is no. And he loves me enough to allow me to be whoever I need to be to be true to myself! Don't I want that for HIM??!! I would never get to that place if he had a leash on me the way I've had a leash on him. 

What I left out is, when I left for California, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The worst I'd had in a long time. All I thought about night and day was him and Kate.  I'd "allowed" him to go on 5 dates with her!!! Nothing had yet happened aside from one kiss which made me go ballistic. I wanted desperately to be "ok" with them fucking but was holding the leash on them. I had been going to hypnosis also to try to re-program my brain from the trauma of being cheated on. It was helping but I still couldn't get there. 

I even made the effort to meet Kate and indeed we met her for drinks. I needed to try harder. Because my husband deserved it. He was trying so hard to do the right thing. She was SO nice, SO respectful, and we ended up being friends. Not BFF's mind you. But I believed her when she said she loves her husband and isn't looking to replace him with my H. I felt so good about her I invited her to come to our band's gig the following week.

And she came, and when I saw her, I was actually happy for my H. It was HUGE. Huge progress for me to see them standing together, body language showing interest in one another and thinking about my husband being naked with another woman. I had a few bad moments but I realized I could get past them.

So I was getting there, but increasing was my anxiety over "letting them" actually fuck. They weren't pressuring me for permission thankfully--the pressure came from within me. I was convinced that if they did, I would go into a full-on PTSD rage and I'd want to divorce him, and he was so scared that would happen, he said he had all but lost interest in her or anyone. 

So by the time I left for California, I was so worked up with anxiety about it all. I wanted so desperately to be a different person than I was. And I was trying so fucking hard to get there! What was my fucking problem??? The trauma. The cheating. It does REAL damage folks. Until you've been there, you have NO IDEA. And I had come a long way with all my therapy and meds, but still, the PTSD is REAL. And it can be REAL BAD.

When I returned from my trip, I felt like I had truly healed. My ocean, my beach healed me.

I told my H all about my epiphanies and of course he was happy for me but distrustful that it would last. And I can't honestly say he isn't right, but I am trying very hard.

The very next week he had to travel there himself for work and I suggested he look up "Ling-Ling" (not her real name) and see if she was interested in hooking up. She did want to see him! He met her at her work in downtown LA and they went out to dinner. It was about a four-hour date; it didn't end in sex, only a hug but they had a great time. I was actually totally fine the whole time bc my H was texting me the whole time, checking in with me frequently. He was so scared of doing the wrong thing.And he contacted her again last week when he was in LA again and she stood him up, but continued to send him sexy pics of herself and say "next time".

Enter Blondie.

Meeting him has made me appreciate my H even more. He is so supportive of our relationship because, and I quote, "he makes you happy."

I want to love him that much. And it has made me question so many things about myself, marriage, and all that stuff. But that's for another blog.

And when we were in LA last week together, we were at the hotel bar (Sunset Marquis mind you, not just your "average" hotel bar) and we were getting hammered. I was making out with some hot model and I realized later my H was making out with some older woman at the same time! We laughed about it later. We were both okay.

I had to fly home the following day and he stayed for work, and I told him to see if Ling-Ling was interested in seeing him. They texted back and forth, but ultimately, she was apparently too busy once again, but she IS still interested in taking things further and they have a tentative hook-up date for early April when he travels there again.

I know Kate has shown renewed interest in him as well, and my thing was always, "don't fuck JUST her", which is why I kept encouraging him to see Ling-Ling in California too. I was so worried about him falling in love with Kate and I thought if he had more than one woman that would be less likely to happen.

How silly I've been.

Being with Blondie has opened my eyes to a different perspective on things in so many ways. And of course, a lot of it is in the abstract bc it hasn't happened yet. My husband has NOT fucked another woman since September 2011. And I know he's super conflicted about it.

The night we were at the Sunset Marquis and we'd both been making out with other people, we got separated from each other and found each other by one of the outdoor pools. I can't remember a time when we were that drunk. I was mostly giggly (I get like that) but he was almost desperate. He was so upset at what he had done and was beside himself. When we talked the next day, I realized it was bc he hadn't had a chance to ASK me if he could make out with this woman. He felt like he'd cheated on me again and he was just sick about it. He stopped himself from going to her hotel room by getting up and leaving the bar when she said she had to go use the restroom. He came to find me and was scared when he couldn't find me initially.

I said to stop worrying, it was fine. Even though he was drunk, he stopped himself from fucking her. I was proud of him. And if he hadn't?? I guess I would've freaked out! He's right!! But maybe not, bc Blondie and I had just had two amazing dates before our trip and we were texting the whole time I was there. I've been in La-La Land ever since and it's like nothing bothers me now! I'm floating up above and sharing the loving feeling as if I were a hippy on acid. Love, love, love, like the Beatles song.

I realized later too, that my H has really no rules or leash on me. I have to be the same for him. I WANT to be the same way.

If I want to fuck someone, I just tell him. BEFORE I do anything. And that's really our only rule. Let each other know BEFORE anything happens. But then like that Saturday night at the Marquis, sometimes, you get into a compromising situation and the request for permission doesn't happen. I have to be forgiving and flexible.  I have to know my husband's heart. It's called TRUST.

And I can truly say, four years after D-day, that he has earned that trust back.