Hotel fun with a new Tinder hottie!

Friday night was AMAZING.

For the last two weeks, a hottie I'll call Hot Lips I matched with on Tinder had been snapchatting me literally 24/7. First thing in the morning and last thing at night. Always a selfie pic, he'd send me all day long while he was at work and it would taper off in the evenings, but he always said "goodnight beautiful" and "good morning beautiful." I loved it. He's 23, a semi-pro baseball player and super good looking. Blue eyes, lots of muscles, big full lips and a beautiful smile. A very happy-go-lucky guy, not a depressed, moody one like New Guy or Rocker Boy finally!! He seemed to be the kind of person who was just what I'm looking for. He was sweet, super-complimentary (which I love) and never expected anything in return. Truly, a very nice guy overall. I def hit the jackpot.

He was very respectful too and asked before sending any nude pics, and I love that. I was quickly smitten.

We wanted to meet ASAP. And lo and behold, I was telling my hubby I needed a getaway. A night in a nice hotel, a good night's sleep, and no cats climbing on me or kids. The weather was shitty-five straight days in a row of misty rain, wind and cold. So we booked a room at a 5-star hotel and settled in for a nice dinner.

I was also texting another hottie while we were sitting at the bar later after dinner, but it was Hot Lips who was on his way. I was SO excited to meet him. After two weeks of 24/7 snapchatting I liked him a lot. He was very sweet, very complimentary and just a real nice guy. (whoops! I already said that!!)

The plan was for my hubby to stay in the bar while I took him to our room. And that's what we did.

Hot Lips texted me, "where are you? I'm here!" LOL somehow we missed each other when he entered the lobby. I wrote back I was in the front of the lobby and all of a sudden there he was! He was even cuter in person. I'm all about cute. Ballcap, plaid button-down shirt, khakis. Those big blue eyes and full lips and a huge smile. We embraced in a big hug and I was already giggly. I get that way when I'm super excited. We sat down on the overstuffed leather couch that was there and chatted for about ten minutes. I was a lil drunkie and super giggly. I felt so comfortable with him, and we really clicked. I felt like I'd known him forever, there was just an ease about him that was tangible. I could tell he really liked me too.

I don't remember saying it, but next thing I knew we were in the elevator! I really shouldn't drink so much bc I have trouble remembering details and that really bugs me. The next thing i remember is him sliding my spaghett straps off my shoulders so elegantly, and he began kissing my breasts and sucking my nipples. And we kissed. Those lips!! He was a gentle wet kisser, and it was sweet--he wasn't like a vacuum cleaner sucking the air out of me. He was very gentle in everything he did, but he was very Alpha male and I loved it. He took charge and he was so good and flawless he set a new bar for sex for me!

I remember him untying my shoes. I was wearing a pair of Sam Edelman's that are beige suede and like ballerina shoes, they have long ties that tie around my ankles. It was so sexy watching him untie them for me and slip them off my feet.

He then took my dress and pulled it down and slid it off me, and next, gently slid my panties off. And subsequently, buried his head between my legs. It was yummy yummy yummy. He then licked me up my body up to my breasts again, and kissed me passionately. I loved loved loved how he took charge. He was the man and I was his woman. But his moves weren't aggressive at all but rather almost choreographed they were so flawless. I could tell he was really into me.

I loved watching him undress. I don't think I helped him, which is odd bc it's one of my favorite things to do in the entire world! A new man to undress like the biggest gift behind the Christmas tree! I think he just wanted his clothes off and next thing I knew, he was big and warm and naked and embracing me. His dick was straight out and super hard.

He gently took my legs and spread them and entered me, kissing me passionately. Not pulling out, he swung my legs over like a pretzel and fucked me hard. It felt amazing. He's a big guy, not skinny and small like Jordan or Rocker Boy, more like Blondie. Not fat but big--he's a baseball player and full of muscles but not ripped ya know? (I hate ripped). He was strong and young and solid and oh so sexy.

He'd pull out and change positions, each time taking charge and moving my body the way he wanted to fuck me. Me on top, him on top, him behind me, my legs in the air, you name it, we did it. I sucked his dick and he licked my pussy. It felt like we were so hungry for one another.

I'm happy to report that he made me cum!! I almost never cum with anyone but my husband bc if their technique is too hard (Rocker Boy) or they give up too soon (all of them) but Hot Lips was THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD. (next to hubby). He fingered me and thank GOD didn't shove his fingers in me. I absolutely hate when guys do that. I don't mind a fun exploration into my pussy but when they shove their fingers in like they're eating frosting out of a can it's painful and not at all pleasant. He didn't do that at all!!! He actually was stroking me with the right amount of pressure and his fingers were just to the left of where I wanted them to be. I moved them with my hand and BOOM!!!!! HUGE ORGASM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! As I screamed in ecstasy I clutched him tightly and he basked in my glory. He was watching me and smiling and I thanked him with a giggle and he passionately kissed me.

Then it was his turn.

I loved that when he came, it was in a position where he could see my face. I hate how Abercrombie always had to cum doggy style. Nothing says "you're as special as a glory hole" like cumming doggy style. It's ok if it's a sometimes-thing but always??? That's why I lost interest in him. Yuk. Left me feeling so used.

Hot Lips was not only facing me but kissing me as he came. He was on the bottom, or should I say on his side, his arms totally around me like an embrace, and my legs were in the air. He finally came, and it was interesting bc he literally made almost no sound at all, it was almost like an "ahhhhh". Not at all like me when he made ME cum! I just wanted to fall asleep with him, our bodies still wrapped up together. But I remembered my husband was downstairs waiting for us to finish so he could come up and get his creampie. Hot Lips wanted to spend the night, and I wanted him to also. But how could I do that with my husband there?? I couldn't. I had to lie and make up an excuse that I wasn't spending the night, that I just got the room to meet up with him.

Yeah, like people do that LOL well Hotel 6 they do, not five-star hotels. I'm sure that looked and sounded ridic.

I had no idea how long we were at it, but I was guessing at least an hour (hubby later said hour and a half!). He got up and went to the bathroom, with the door open!! I wanted to watch SO BADLY but I thought I shouldn't. Because I'd get horny all over again and that wouldn't be fair to my hubby!! I wanted to fuck Hot Lips all night. I didn't want him to go. And I liked that he wanted to spend the night too. Oh well. Maybe next time we both said.

He had Uber'd there and I asked him if he had called for a car. He said he hadn't yet but was going to. He got dressed--I grabbed a super cute short-tight burgundy lace see-through nightgown I had brought and put it on. We kissed goodbye, and he left. I texted my hubby and he was up lickety-split in no time! I asked him if he saw him leave, and he said he did, that he thought he was real cute.

My hubby's dick was hard and ready. He licked me first and then fucked me fast and hard and he was done. He'd been downstairs knowing I was fucking this young guy and he couldn't hold back another second. Unlike Hot Lips, he came so loudly I'm sure anyone could've heard. We laughed and fell soundly asleep.

What a fun night!!!

Crazy vacation shit

I was so fucking excited to go to California and see B, you have no idea. I spent days prepping--got my pretty fake tan just so, worked out as usual (I'm at a great weight right now), and had my roots touched up. All the planets were aligned and off I went. We had texted the night before that I would text him when I landed in LA and he was going to meet me at my hotel. I was getting super horny and thinking nasty thoughts the whole 4-1/2 hour plane ride. I couldn't wait to get there!

No sooner had I gotten to my hotel room and texted him, I got a text from a girlfriend of mine from the city I just moved from.  She told me a mutual friend of ours (I'll call her Erica) had passed away. This friend just happens to be the girl my hubby and I had a 3sum with back in April (see my blogs about her May 2011--titled "Aftermath" and "Tables are Turned"). I was instantly in shock. WTF???!! Sitting in my beautiful poolside suite, waiting to hear from B, my phone started blowing up. Calls coming in from friends about Erica. Each of us trying to get info about what happened to her. I had to call my hubby--he began sobbing. It was horrible. 

Next thing I knew, several hours had passed by--I'd cried off all my makeup and was exhausted,  and still nothing from B. I showered and got dressed up and decided to go downstairs and get myself some dinner. I still thought I was going to see him, and I hadn't eaten all day. After my solo dinner with all the hired help stumbling over themselves --it was so good for my ego--B finally called me. His voice was sexy and gravelly and he was telling me about something he had to do and would call me in a half hour. I decided to go wait for him in the bar. The bar at this hotel is like U-shaped, and I was sitting in the "U" when guy came and sat to the left of me. He wasn't cute, but I was bored and getting drunk. I had absolutely nothing better in the world to do than sit there and get drunk. I didn't have my kids, or hubby, I had no place I needed to be in the morning, and B wasn't calling me back. So I ordered another Grey Goose and Red Bull and chatted up the guy to my left.  I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL, I was just bored. He must've thought otherwise, cuz next thing I knew, we were in the elevator together. My floor was the 3rd, and his was the 5th, but i realized he got out with me and was walking to my room. I don't think I'd been this drunk in ages! What a shame about B. I was really disappointed. But I had a new problem--this guy was sitting on the edge of my bed and somehow I'd stupidly given him my phone number!! I was in a drunken haze and thankfully he was a gentleman and finally left after I thwarted one of his kisses.  I ignored his texts about what he wanted to do to me--"I can come back!"--bleh!!! and passed out. 

Yes, I woke up with a terrible hangover. I also woke up to realize my friend was dead. This thought sobered me up.  My phone had a zillion text messages waiting for me about her and I had new info that she was indeed still alive, albeit in a coma. She was on life support awaiting the possibility of her donating her organs. This was so upsetting. WTF happened to her??!! More questions than answers. She was in a hospital about 3 hours away--I was tempted to drive there but for what? She was in a coma, and they were planning on taking her off life support. I didn't really know her that well and I didn't really belong there.  I went and spent the entire day and evening with my parents and family there in LA.

When I got back to my hotel room around midnight, again I freshened up and went downstairs to the bar. Too late!! They had already closed!! So all dressed up and nowhere to go, I went back to my room and texted Mickey. He responded right away--he was at work and bored. I told him what happened to my friend, how I was in LA alone and how I had wanted to go see him in Oregon but that he waited to long to tell me if he wanted me to come or not and now tickets were like $700 so I couldn't go. I decided to have some fun and tried on a sexy dress and heels I'd brought to wear to go see B--and started taking pictures of myself in the mirror.

Mickey loved them! I took about 25 pics in various poses--in the gorgeous dress and heels--"you look amazing!!" Mickey gushed--and then stripped for him, one click at a time. It was so fun. Sexy and fun and he was full of compliments. I finally got so turned on I got in bed and had to make myself climax. All that pent-up sexual frustration from B standing me up. I fell asleep happy, feeling like Mickey was back in my life--that he'd never left. I wonder if his GF has her own version of their relationship and he has HIS own. He texted me he was looking for a new roommate....so....does she live with him or not?? What's with the whole "domestic partnership" thing?? I really don't know. He's too busy to talk to me. Or involved with her. Who knows. I was lonely and bored and feeling rejected and somehow Mickey always comes through for me when I need him.

The next night I was alone too, no plans. B finally called me again and made up some sort of lame excuse and said very sweetly and sincerely that he would 'make it up to me". Whatever. It's been 2 weeks and still haven't heard a peep.

The next day, my last day in LA, my BFF met me at my hotel and we spent like 14 hours shopping, eating, walking on the pier, watching the surfers and the seagulls, talking and talking and talking. It was so wonderful. I even decided to commemorate the day by getting a tattoo and I ended up doing just that!!

The black cloud of our friend's eventual death Saturday morning got darker when we found out she'd taken her life. My only vacation in a year to have this horrible news turned my weekend into a spiritual awakening of sorts. I felt so alive back in the fresh air and great weather and vowed to figure out a way to get back there. Also, one knows what Erica meant to me and my hubby. No one can ever know. It's a secret she obviously took to her grave and we'll take to ours. So very very sad.

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I am done with B and the Irish guy and all the ones who just don't show up. I promptly got back on the website and found a new hottie! His name is the same as my hubby's and we have been sexting heavily. Two nights in a row now he's made a video for me---if you know what I mean---and sent them to me. Get this--he actually lives 15 minutes away and has been begging to come see me!! I told him sorry, gotta meet you in public first. I'm all about first impressions. I will know ASAP if he's someone who's going to get my panties off.

I am really excited!! Thursday's the day!!!

What a week. 

        

The sex is gonna be so awesome....

If you've read that last post of mine, you have a good idea of how I feel about Mickey right now. So--it should go without saying that I did NOT buy a plane ticket to see him. I don't know if I wrote about it, but about 3 days ago, I got tired of waiting for him to respond about the fact that I'd (lied) and said "flights are so cheap, I bought I ticket to come see you. Even if all we do is have dinner. " Never heard anything, so I poked him and sent a text that said, "So, what's up for next weekend?" He wrote back immediately; said, "what do you mean?" guess he forgot what I'd said a week earlier. (maybe his GF saw it and deleted it, who knows) but anyway, I wrote again that flights were cheap and that I bought a ticket to come see him, even if only for dinner. He responded, "so you want to fly up here for dinner?" I answered back, "well, I'd like more but yeah." He wrote, "Err, I just don't think it's worth it for you to do that." I said,"I can't imagine flying all the way to the west coast and not seeing you. I miss you and I'd love to see you." Never heard back.

Now, dear readers, remember this is before the revelation of a three-year anniversary celebration. For all I knew at that moment, he was single, or maybe seeing someone, cuz he never mentioned HER. Of course, I knew about her, cuz of her Twitter. But I figured it's his burden not mine. He has cheated on her before with me so why would this be any different--he said he wasn't in love, wasn't serious, she owed him money. So I thought I'd go see him.

Since I never heard from him, I didn't actually buy a ticket, and when I went to, they were astronomical. $700 round trip to go 700 miles. Forget it. I was so disappointed; but now I'm thankful. Because knowing what I know now, he really only had two choices--cheat on her, or ditch me. And let's face it, ditching me is a whole lot easier. He really doesn't want me to come. He told me himself, and I quote, "I wouldn't get to spend a whole night with you like I want." So, he wants me to come some OTHER time, God knows when, so we can spend a whole night together. Well, forget it. I'm done. He wants me? He can fucking come see me. And pay for it himself.

On a good note, B has been calling me and we are seeing each other right after I get off the plane tomorrow!! He's so sexy and slutty. I don't know what his thing is about getting me pregnant but he's so persistent. My BFF saw his new commercial and she was drooling over him. "Damn girl!! That's your "B"??? WOWZA!!" She was very impressed. I can't wait to see him. I love his smile, love his body, and love the way he stares into my eyes and is so sweet and gentle. MMMMM yummy!!

I'll write details when I get back. I'm hoping he'll let me take a couple of body pics since he wouldn't let me take any face pics last time. Probably worried I'll go to the National Enquirer or something LOL I'd never do that!!! I just want a pic of us together, just for me.

Ciao my beautiful readers, hope you all have a safe and sexy weekend as well!

Love,
Anna XO

I was watching TV in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner last night and saw "B" in a commercial! I screamed to my hubby, "THAT'S B! LOOK!! and sure enough, there he was! What a hottie! I can't tell you anymore about it cuz certainly you'd know him....I texted him immediately to tell him I saw him, and of course, since he's got the biggest ego of anyone alive he responded right away. He was pleased as punch. I congratulated him and said I wanted to youtube it so I could see it over and over. He laughed. 


I bought my plane ticket to go see him yesterday! Or--should I say, my hubby did. I will be there in 2 weeks. I can't wait to fuck him! MMMMM "B" is delicious. 


I lied to Mickey and told him I bought a plane ticket to see him. I texted him, "hey, flights are so cheap so I bought a ticket. I'll be there on Nov. 13th. Let's just have dinner. I want to gaze into those amazing blue eyes." That was yesterday--haven't heard back yet. I'm sure he's processing it--he wants to see me, he wants more than dinner--but he's living with his GF. BUT-----and this is a big BUT---he has never admitted to having a girlfriend. He doesn't know I stalk him LOL yes I read his facebook and his GF's twitter--hey, if I didn't, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on with him! it's a way to protect myself. Yes, and torture myself, that's true.  He told me a couple weeks ago basically not to come, that seeing me sexually "isn't healthy for me right now, I'm trying to do too much", whatever the fuck that means. He talks so cryptically. Why won't he just admit he's got a GF and they're getting serious? Because he doesn't want to hurt me? Please. Yeah right. It's because he doesn't want me to go away. He wants to know that I'll always be here for him when he wants me. It's like in Toy Story, I don't know which one, I think the first, where Woody says, "It's not how much we're played with; it's that we're here when Andy needs us." That's me for Mickey. It's not how much he plays with me, it's that I'm here when he wants me. Don't tell me I'm pathetic. I already know I am. 


I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine about Mickey, and it really sums up why I put up with him. We were talking about being "in love", and what does that really mean? Is it possessive? What if it's not reciprocated? And I told her, for me being "in love" is this: it's thinking about the other person 24/7. It means that no matter what you are doing, you are thinking about them. It is worrying about their well-being. It means that if they were in trouble or sick you would answer the phone in the middle of the night and listen. It means you'd jump on a plane and be there for them at the drop of a hat. It means you'd give them money you don't have if they were struggling financially. Being "in love" to me means all these things. And no matter how much I'd like it to go away, it hasn't where Mickey is concerned. It's been almost 8 years we've known each other now, and the only way I'll ever truly get over him is probably when I die. I have 2 great loves in my life--him, and my hubby. 


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I'm sorry I haven't had time to tell you all about my hubby's girlfriends' visit. And I'm sorry to say I've run out of time right now. My life has been so hectic and insane, but I PROMISE to write this week. You deserve to hear it. It was a very trying week, good and bad, sexy and unsexy. You will enjoy it though.


Have a good day my beloved readers, and oh, yes, now you know what I look like. Let me know if that changes anything for you in how you perceived me. Did I lack credibility before by hiding my identity? It's scary for me but I thought it necessary. I hope you all approve. I did it for you.


Love,
Anna XO

NEW PIC FOR MY READERS!

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved to see that I'm real, so here I am. I posted a pic of my face for you all.

Same old shit, different day, different guy

Hello my wonderful readers! I hope you are all staying cool in this unbearable heat we've been having. UGH this California girl hates this humidity! BLEH!

Did I ever tell you about my crush on my BOSS???!! Yes, I have a little crush on my boss. I'm certain he feels the same way. He told me once how he remembers the first time he saw me--it was the dead of winter and my hubby and I had gone into the restaurant he bartends at in the afternoon one day. He remembered everything I was wearing, and said I looked "HOT"!! WOW I was amazed! My girlfriend says his whole face lights up whenever he sees me. He's 32, and just moved out and got his own place--he'd been living with his girlfriend.

We text work stuff all the time, boring, but we had a few little flirts the last couple weeks. We both play tennis, and he's been asking me to play him, and everytime we make a date to play one of us cancels. First it was me, then it was him, then there were no courts available, and now we have a tennis date for today!  I am looking forward to it! I get nervous when I know he's watching me and I want to impress of course--I don't want to play badly--but it should be filled with flirtations on both sides so I am excited. Thankfully tennis is one of those sports with totally cute outfits!! YAY!! And I curl my hair and put it up so I look all cute and athletic hahaha

I'm not going to write about Nico. He won't text me back, and I've put myself out there and told him how much I miss him and wonder what I did wrong. His silence speaks volumes---I just wish I knew what I did or said to turn him off. I really have no clue. Lesson learned I guess--I shouldn't have let him read this blog. At least he should have the decency to tell me what I did, or said. It's cruel, it really is, to just ignore me the way he is. I keep hoping to hear that reassuring tri-tone announcement of a text from him saying something like, "I lost my phone", or "my phone went dead, couldn't find the charger", "nothing's wrong, I've just been crazy busy." etc. but as the days go by all I can do is just forget about him. I've gotten over other guys and I can get over him. I'm just SOOOOOOO disappointed!! He truly seemed different. I'm really hurt this time, and the worst part is, I can't even learn from this, I don't know what I did wrong. I surprised myself how much I began to care for him. So--since i don't have any other information otherwise, I will just keep telling myself he's just another asshole passing through my life. Very sad.

My girlfriend told me, "there are 9 billion people in this world. Keep looking!!" and so I am. My dating website never lets me down--I've got 2 new hotties I'm talking to, always hoping for someone who'll stick around and actually meet me and keep something going. I really felt like Nico was THE ONE who'd replace Mickey in my heart but alas, I guess not.

I said I wasn't going to talk about Nico.

Nico, if you're reading this, you know more about me than 99% of my closest friends. I trusted you; I thought what we had was something special.

I miss you.

----sigh----

P.S. I'm going out of town for the next week so I will post a new blog when I return. Until then, I love you my readers, and keep the comments coming! Remember you can send me a private email at Naughtyannahousewife@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter at NawtyAnaHotwife

Have a good weekend everyone!

Love,
Anna XO

Mickey responds--with a surprise ending

I sat there "invisible" online for several days. I couldn't stand it another minute. I was losing sleep, trying to come up with THE perfect words, THE perfect sentence, to win him back. To not attack him further JUST IN CASE HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. I finally just simply copied and pasted the incriminating Tweet and sent it to him. Then I wrote, "This Tweet is why I said what I did", and waited. I put myself online, and he was online in a heartbeat. He wrote, "LOL that's why you freaked out?" and proceeded to explain that he doesn't have a phone, that it does belong to a friend of his. He borrows it from time to time and that he had to ask that girl something (he didn't say what, but I've seen her pic and she's not cute so I think they're just friends). He thought my rampage was funny. He was telling the truth after all.

I did tell him, "You have to understand that reading that, thinking, I don't care if you give your number to another girl, why wouldn't you give it to ME?" and he said, "I would give it to you silly! And I will when I get a phone!" I also said, "you know that if I didn't care about you I wouldn't have been hurt. And I didn't feel special anymore reading that." He was busy at the pizza place, it was Christmas Eve and they were very busy so he didn't respond as rapidly as I was writing him. I said also, "you know, it would be nice if you borrowed your friends' phone to call ME once in a while." He finally responded saying only that he didn't have my number, it got lost when he dropped his phone in water and he lost all his numbers. I said "well here it is don't lose it!!!" and I wrote it.

The last thing he said was "why do you check my tweets when you don't even follow me?" and that's where I made up a story about how I found his Twitter page (so I wouldn't look like the psycho bitch I really am).  After my explanation,  I just kind of let it hang there for a bit. Then I wrote, 'so, you love me?" and he said, "I do...don't do that again ok? You don't need to check my tweets. Just ask me next time."

Needless to say, I'm not having trouble sleeping anymore. Mickey and me are good. And it feels sooooo good.

Mickey shows his true colors

I went looking for trouble and I found it.

Mickey had been acting aloof lately. After yahoo messenging me 8 days in a row, full of sexy talk and feeling like we were really getting along, he disappeared for over a week. I wrote him, "Hey, what's going on? It's been over a week since I heard from you." He responded quickly, within a day I think, saying simply that he hadn't been working much and that he wasn't able to get online to talk to me. Ok, I understand. All was well between us.

Then two days in a row he'd be online for 12 hours straight--he'd be the first to write and say, "hey" and then after I'd respond I wouldn't hear from him again. Two days in a row he did this. Then it was spotty for another couple of days, no real communication.

So......I went looking for trouble and I found it.

Actually, I was just missing him. I was looking for any clues as to his sudden withdrawals. I googled his name and only one connection came up--a Twitter account. Now I had a Twitter account at one time but found it completely nothing more than self-flagellation and promotion, and a complete waste of time, so I had deleted my account. Then I had started a new one a few months ago, feeling like I was missing out on understanding of a new technology and thought I needed it to stay current, although I never tweet much. (I save my "tweets" for Facebook). I didn't have any followers that actually knew me anyways so I hadn't checked it in ages. So......I found his Twitter and his page is completely public!! I was shocked, since his Facebook has always been hidden. (AND might I mention he never accepted, nor ignored, my FB friend request).

So I'm scrolling down, reading his tweets, and I was able to learn a few interesting things about my Mickey and his secret life. He's fucking his old GF again (as in, "I hope you're BALD next time I see you") which made me nearly throw up. He's got a new job, claiming he's working 70 hours a week now. Oh, and he's got a cell phone. Two weeks ago he Tweeted to some girl, "why don't you just text me at blah blah blah blah blah". What did I do with this information??

*I need to stop here and clarify why finding out he had a cell phone incensed me so much. First of all, he has been telling me how he can't afford a phone. He's told me just 2 days before I found this out that "I'm going to get a phone soon so I can send you naked pictures of myself for you." Ok? That and he has led me to believe that the only way he can communicate with me is via the yahoo messenger, and ONLY when he works at a particular store cuz he doesn't have a computer anymore, or the internet, OR a phone, only his iTouch, which he can get online with if a place has free WIFI. That explains the erratic nature of his communication with me. I have accepted this from him and have felt pity on him. I've sent him money, not enough to buy a phone mind you but enough to let him know I care and want badly to stay in touch with him. AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT IN HIS TWEET, HE WAS GIVING HIS CELL NUMBER TO ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Ok. So, knowing that I've been lied to for at least the last 2 weeks that I can prove, and feeling like I've been manipulated and used, I had to decide how to handle it. Badly, I imagine, because I was so hurt and angry I couldn't see straight. I put the phone number in my cell phone and simply texted him, "You're such an asshole!" to which someone (he refuses to admit it's him) answered, "who's this" (no punctuation, just the way Mickey writes).  I answered simply, "the person who you've been lying to about not having a phone". It went on from there, he pretended he was "not Mickey but a friend of Mickey's" and I don't even know what beef you have with him but I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a phone" and that he's "used mine for interviews and stuff". I said, ok whatever Mickey. He said, "Do you want me to tell him something for you?" to which I never responded. Then another hour later, he said, "wait how did you get my number" (again, no question mark, so Mickey) to which I never responded. Oh yahoo messenger, I had written the day before a sweet "I hope you get online soon! I miss you!" and a kissy emoticon. Armed with my new information, I got on there and wrote, "Disregard that last statement. Go fuck yourself instead." I felt strong and done with his nonsense. I hoped it would hit him like a rocket the way it hit me.

He got online and blabbered to me "what's going on I don't even know where that came from. I have no reason to hide anything and if you think I do then you can think what you like." blah blah blah. Well, I love him so much I WANT to believe him. I'd do ANYTHING for it not to be true, because it would confirm what an asshole he really is. So, what do I do? I apologize. I tell him I'm sorry I said that, that I wanted to talk to him. He seemed to care, which is what I wanted in the first place. He said he wanted to talk to me too and was leaving work but would be online the next day and can we talk then.

I thought and thought and thought about what to say. I didn't want to attack him any more than I had. There's a part of me that is hoping and praying he's not the asshole he's appearing to be.  I remembered all those women's articles on how to talk about your feelings---use "I" statements, they're honest and keep the other person from feeling defensive.  So I wrote, "I feel like I'm losing you. I feel like you haven't been truthful with me. Makes me scared. I don't want to lose you". He replied several hours later, saying he doesn't understand what's going on. "I'm sorry I don't have a phone to talk to you on right now. If you think I'm hiding things you can think what you want. What do I need to hide really?  I also had a friend say someone was talking some shit to him thinking it was me. I'm guess (sic) that was you"

I had fallen asleep and didn't see that he'd written. He obviously became impatient with my lack of response and said twenty minutes later, "I guess that (sic) it, no response. Next time I'll be able to talk with you would be wednesday I think".

I wrote back to him 7 hours later, "sorry, I fell asleep. I'll write more in the morning." Then that afternoon I wrote, "Let me know if you get online before Wed. I'm busy today", (meaning the day he last wrote) "but i'll be around tomorrow and the rest of the week to talk to you."

Today is Tuesday. He hasn't been online, hasn't posted any new tweets, but his Facebook is public now (I cancelled my friend request to him) and he mentions his new job.

My BFF has cautioned me not to say anything, that I have all the information I need. If I say anything further, I'm opening myself up to being attacked by him further. I can't handle it. I haven't been able to sleep, all I do is ruminate what to say to him. I know he wants me to explain myself while he's offline, so he can get online and read it, answer me, then jump offline again so he doesn't have to deal with me. He's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, my BFF tells me, and he wants to blame ME for putting the cookie jar there in the first place.

I haven't told my hubby about all this. Christmas is just days away, and I vascillate between telling Mickey what I know and getting it over with, and just staying silent. My BFF tells me as long as I stay silent, I have the power. He's left to squirm and wonder WTF is up with me. I think she's right---it's just so hard to do.

BTW I had told him a week ago that I would send him a Starbucks gift card so he could go in there and use their free WIFI to write me more. I sent it to him the day before all this happened, with a sexy card and I'd printed out pics of us and my new house and family and all. He should be getting it any time now. Wonder how it'll make him feel.

I guess I just want to see what he'll do. How much does he care? I want to be the one to dump him. He told me he's never been dumped. My BFF says I'll be the first, and he'll pine for me forever.

I'm sitting with that.