NEW PIC FOR MY READERS!

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved to see that I'm real, so here I am. I posted a pic of my face for you all.

Same old song and dance--Mickey's back

Mickey is back in my life! According to him, he was never out! He had no idea what I was talking about.

I stay invisible on yahoo messenger a lot, hoping to see that little yellow circle next to his name, which indicates he's online. Remember i googled him and saw he was online playing video games? Yes, I haven't forgotten that. WELL-------yesterday morning, I saw it. The little yellow circle. My heart started pounding and for a moment wasn't going to write him. What the hell, I thought, I'm used to the abuse, I'm sure he won't write me back. He did. The usual, "Hey! What's up?" as if no time had passed. 

He seemed the same old Mickey, just work and struggling to pay his bills. He said he was seeing someone, and teased me they were talking about getting married. As I was choking on his words, he wrote, "j/k---had you worried there huh?" I teased him again about having his baby and what cute kids we'd make and how we are destined to end up together somehow. He agreed. It was fun, it was just like it always is with him.

So I was still in shock, my heart still pounding, wondering, WTF? Jeez get a load of this! He said he never got any of my messages (even the last one, where I said, "Why are you such an asshole!!!") lol I told him, "I wrote you a dozen messages over the last month. You never got any of them?" "nope", he said. Here's why--he said he was robbed. He was in the shower, and he heard his door slam while he was in there. He ran out and realized his phone, wallet, and computer were gone. 

He said he just put this computer together. I believe him because he told me and showed me how he put his iphone 4 together--he'd wanted the white one and bought pieces to it online and put it together. He's handy with computers, he really is, so anyway, he was on iChat and on his webcam and wanted me to get on mine. Unfortunately, yesterday is my busiest day of the week and couldn't. He desperately wanted me to get on with him, and how I wish I could've. 

When I got home from work, he wrote me again. HE WROTE ME FIRST! yes, I know that hardly ever happens and when it does it makes me happy. He was begging me to get on my webcam together but I couldn't. I was having dinner with my family and just not the right time. He was teasing me, telling me what he was wearing, and what he was going to do for me. It was so fun, we were connecting again.

I was disappointed but hey, I'm a patient gal, leave him wanting me. hee hee

Earlier when we were chatting, he'd said he'd cut all his long black hair off! He had said some time back he was going to---I wanted to see how he looked sooo bad. He had confided in me he was really a blonde and had been dyeing it! With his amazing blue eyes I bet he looks good anyway. He said he cut it for work when he got his promotion and all, but he missed his long hair and is trying to grow it out. 

The other thing he said was that he wanted me to fly out to see him, but now he's seeing someone. I took that opportunity to tell him about Nico. I didn't say much, cuz I know how jealous he gets, but I did say that I was seeing someone who reminded me a lot of him and treats me the way I wanted you to treat me. 

If given the chance, I'd tell him more. Sometimes he asks questions about the guys I'm seeing and gets real curious. I know he'd feel threatened by Nico if he knew more. How he and I are Facebook friends, and I'm not his dirty little secret. How he makes me feel the way Mickey used to make me feel. How I trust him more than him, and I haven't even met him yet. 

I'm surprised that I'm not in the least jealous or curious about the girl he's seeing. I know he will tire of her and come back to me. He hurts everyone who cares about him. I feel so much better about him now--I really don't care what he does. It's been more than 8 years we've known each other, and it's taken me this long to see the pattern. I'm the only one left standing, time and again, and he always comes back to me. 

At this point, I'm happy to have him back in my life, but I feel differently than i thought I would. This time, I have no expectations for his behavior. He pops in, he pops out. But I guess he never stops thinking of me either. I'm soooooo glad I met Nico, and that my life is moving forward here. I'm not living in the past anymore, nor living in some fantasyland where Mickey moves here and we live happily ever after. I know now it'll never happen, and so I don't think about it anymore. 

Yes, of course that's what I truly want, but I feel free of that fantasy now. I have completely stopped asking him to move here. It has to come from him, from a deep longing for me and a better life than the one he's living 1800 miles away from me. I can't force it. I feel really free. I can love him and have him pop in and pop out, and I think I get him now. He's a bit of a drama queen, there's always a broken or stolen phone or computer. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. He's a squirrel trying to get a nut--he's a hard worker but the rest of his life is so chaotic. He makes poor choices a lot and he's really immature--I didn't realize it until I met Nico, who's younger than Mickey. Jake too, and Danny, these guys are 18 and 19 and have their shit together more than Mickey. I will always love him, and he knows all he has to do is snap his fingers and I'll come running.

Who knows? Maybe that's not true anymore. 

On second thought, it's not.

Mickey's version

Ok so I decided I wasn't done. Who knows if I'll ever be done with him. I decided to just pretend I didn't see her video and just go on as usual. So, I texted him. A LOT. Yesterday I just decided to lamblast him with texts. How could he just ignore me? I was having fun. I thought, Fuck her, fuck you, I'm going to get you in trouble. Poke him till he pops. No response until I said, "well, I guess you're not talking to me suddenly, don't know why."  He texted me, "sorry, I've just been real busy." Yeah, busy fucking your EX-GF, busy working with her and LIVING with her!! Said he's ok, just "all work and no play." Am I seriously supposed to believe this? I'm laughing inside reading it. I told him, "can you get a couple days off and come visit?" He said, "not at the moment. I have no roomie so I'm kinda short on cash", then went on to tell me how he almost had to get rid of his phone but cancelled his internet instead. I said, "so, you live alone? Hmm, must be rough." (meaning financially). He said, "no, LOL I love it!" I told him, "ok, I'll come see you then. I'll stay at your place and cook for you." He said, "sorry, I wouldn't have any time for you." I said, "you seriously work that much?" and he said, "yeah, sorry."

He didn't text after that. I wrote a few texts, asked him, "no time for a gf?" and "do you miss me?" and no replies. I said, "I don't miss you!" then sent "LOL" so that's where it stands. He denies it, and I'm left thinking, could she have a different boyfriend who works at a pizza place--all the time??? My girlfriend was furious at me for thinking so. She is tired of me having my head in the sand. I know she's right. I'm 1800 miles away, he can tell me anything he wants. And vice versa. I should start making up lies as well.

I'm hoping to see Jake this week! My hubby has suggested I get a room and spend the night with him! He's a 2 hr drive away so that might be fun.....

Speaking of hubby, we are doing great. He had another girl after him, another former co-worker who contacted him (we'll call her Annie) and they had some sexy texting going on. I was actually ok. Turned me on actually. So that's good.

That's all for now. Hope you're all having a good week and if you're reading this, I'd love to hear from you.

Midnight yahoo message from Mickey!!!!!!!!!

Four days ago I got a yahoo messenger message from Mickey that put me in a great mood for the rest of the day---he simply said, "hey tell me your number again? I'm going to have a phone tomorrow". It came in the middle of the night, as usual. I responded when I saw it--about 12 hours after he wrote it---"yay!" and gave him my cell number.

Like I said, that was FOUR DAYS AGO. I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE.

He hasn't "tweeted" in nearly 2 weeks. Neither has his girlfriend, and she's the kind that tweets at least once or twice a day. I don't know what's going on with him, with them, whatever.

I haven't seen him online. I'm guessing he quit the pizza job and is only at his new job (phone company). He had free WIFI at the pizza job, that's when I'd hear from him. So I don't know what the fuck is going on. Being patient is not one of my strong suits.

In the meantime, I'm trying like mad to find a new boyfriend. The dating websites are ok, I'm kind of frustrated at them. I am currently IM'ing about 3-4 different guys, but not really excited about any of them. One guy who had a HOT profile pic was on his webcam yesterday afternoon and so I thought, yeah, let's take a look at this guy! I got on my webcam too and YUK HE WAS NOT HOT!!! I was like, damn, how do I get out of this now?? I just said I had to go and clicked off. So now I'm avoiding him.

I did however meet a totally hot guy working at Abercrombie yesterday! He was smokin' hot. Great personality and I don't think he was gay (hard to tell sometimes). He was friendly and funny with me but I don't think he was flirting. Bummer. I'd really rather meet someone the old-fashioned way---which is NOT on a dating website.

Well, like I told my hubby, back to the drawing board. Guess Mickey's not planning on coming out here for my birthday like he said. When I hear from him next I'll ask him. I soooo want to see him again.

-----sigh----

Mickey loves me?!

His exact words were, "I just love the way you are". I was so happy! I said, "yay! Really? What do you mean?" and he said, "It's something I can't describe, I just love the way you are." I don't remember everything that was said after that, I just feel the smile inside still. We had the closest we've ever really come to a genuine conversations (except when he was here). He said that when he comes here "maybe I'll tell you in person" ??? Does this mean he does truly love me back??? He just can't say it?

It all started around midnight (as usual). I was on my webcam with my Washington boy (I'll call him Sam). We were just chatting. He's 24, lives with his parents, and is really the hottest guy on this website so far. I was drinking wine and getting tipsy, and we were having a fun conversation and I started to take my clothes off for him. I was showing off my big breasts and giggling when all of a sudden, there's Mickey, wanting to click on and watch. (of course, he didn't know I was chatting with anyone else). So I allowed him, and suddenly I've got 2 guys watching me. It was so titillating, but confusing! Writing them back and forth as I sipped my wine and teased them visually. It was so fun tho. I was kind of pissed at Mickey so I was kind of ignoring him and giving Sam more attention. Mickey figured it out and asked me. I said yes, I was on webcam with a guy from Washington. He abruptly said, "I guess you don't need me then", and clicked off. I was so upset.Was it over between us? WTF???? Was he jealous?? Would I ever hear from him again? What just happened here?I got off cam with Sam and just fell asleep (thx to the wine).

I woke up a couple hours later, and saw Mickey was still offline. I was panicky, and still drunk. I IM'd him a barrage of, "I love you, next to my hubby, there's only you. You know that. I fucking tell you all the time I love you.  If you love me too just fucking tell me. I write you letters, you ignore them. You never tell me what you feel. I'm sick of the games. You make me crazy Mickey!" Then I lied. "the other guy was Hubby. I'm sorry."

Two hours later he's online, and writes me immediately and I awaken to the little chime. "I'm lost", he said. "What's wrong?" I wrote back, "I drank too much", and he said, "that's ok". I said, "forgive me?" and he said he was on his webcam and for me to get on mine.

It was 5:45 am my time, and i have to get up at 6:30 to take my kids to school! I'm soooo tired but I oblige. I tell him, "I was cuter 4 hours ago. Give me a minute LOL so I get up and look in the mirror and I still look pretty good. 

I go back to bed and flip open my laptop. We talk for about 45 min, during which this time he not only practically professes his love for me too but gives me a tour of his apartment. It was so cute. It was so nice seeing his face again. I haven't seen it since the day he left from his visit. I loved being open with him, and he wasn't as evasive as he usually is. He said he wanted to decorate our new house. I wanted to ask him more but didn't. Instead, we eventually got to talking our clothes off and masturbating for each other. It was very exciting, mmmmm yummy. I loved teasing him and knowing he was getting aroused---cuz I could see him stroking his very hard cock just for me. I actually made myself cum, and I had to get offline to get my kids up for school before he came! LOL 

So, I told my girlfriend the whole story. She's happy he's not as much an asshole as he seems (most of the time).

Mickey loves me.

I

Sven

Yes, that's his real name. And he doesn't live in Sweden! He lives in the midwest, and he is gorgeous! He found ME on myspace! Boy was that good for my ego! He's a model, and wow-za what a hottie, only 22 years old! He and i have a yahoo messenger webcam date for Friday night at midnight! So, i will be wearing my new Frederick's of Hollywood bra & panty & garter set and have my lube and vibrator all ready to go. He will be on his webcam too.....oh my God I can't wait to see that man naked and stroking that beautiful cock! Yum yum!