Rough month

SO much has been going on I haven't had a chance to get y'all caught up. I guess I'll get the bad stuff out of the way.....my beloved mother passed away two weeks ago. I jumped on the very first plane out because my brother called me and said she'd slipped into a coma and for me to get there ASAP. I spent 4 days with her and my family at her bedside and she passed away a few hours after we went home for the evening (doctors had said she could go at any minute or it could be weeks). We did a lot of sobbing and talking while I was there and now I'm pretty much in zombie-mode, just keeping busy so I don't fall apart. I will write about her when I am ready. For now, I just want to keep busy.

And part of keeping busy is keeping the hot boys coming. Or should I say "cumming"??? LOL

You have to excuse me; what I've been through these last few weeks have made me  cynical, angry, and more hedonistic than ever. Life is short. I know where we are all headed. I am planning on having as much fun as possible and denying pleasure doesn't make sense to me.

My hubby and I decided to get an OkCupid account, and what fun we are having! We are both logged in on our phones, so anytime someone writes we both get notifications. The profile pic is just me but it's a couples' profile so everyone knows we are together. I have gotten some amazing guys writing me, and i've exchanged phone numbers with a couple. One is 21 with a kid (he's amazing, I really like talking to him) and another is 20 and quite a hottie too. I've been trying to make dates with them and it's so funny how intimidated these young guys are. My hubby just wants to shake them and say, "She's REAL! And she's really nice! Stop worrying!!"

Oh, and btw in case you're wondering, "Jay" has gone AWOL. What an ass. We Skyped when I got back from my trip and he was all gaga over me as usual, but when it comes time to actually get together, he stops texting. I'm SO done with him. I last sent him a sexy pic of me over the weekend and he didn't ever respond. FUCK HIM. And for the record, FUCK MICKEY TOO. We texted while I was in California and my BFF and I went out and I got drunk two days after my mom passed away. I guess I said too much to Mickey and he freaked out. I haven't heard from him since.

What did I say to him you might be wondering? Well, he baited me. He said, "Why are you still so into me when we hardly ever see each other." I should've just said, 'Cuz you're fucking hot" but NOOOOOO the Grey Goose Citron answered, "Cuz you're into me too. You always come back to me. Two years I don't hear from you. Your GF breaks up with you and you run back to me. You always run back to me." And that made him run away from me. I had to laugh. Whatever. I don't really care. He's changed; he's started working out big time and I actually don't like the way he looks anymore! LOL He went from skinny hot rocker boy with all the tats and piercings to big bodybuilder guy. He looks too much like my son now. Ew. Combine that with his arrogance and I'm really not attracted to him anymore. It's just the connection we USED to have. I thought for a long time he really loved me, just didn't know how to express it, but now the way he's been talking lately I feel like WTF why do YOU bother texting ME?? I don't have the energy to give a shit about Jay or Mickey anymore. I really don't. 

There's nothing like losing your mom to feel that bitch-slap up the side of the head that some people just aren't worth your time.

If either of these two new hotties pan out, I'll give them names and keep you updated. For now, we are just flirting like crazy and it is fun, but I get tired of all the of it and then it doesn't lead anywhere. I"m not getting any cuter or younger and I'm annoyed that guys who say they want hot sex with a willing girl really don't want hot sex with a willing girl. I don't know what they want! But I'm real and I'm here and I don't play games. I think guys just don't know how to handle me. They're so used to bitches and drama queens. It's pathetic. 

OH, and yeah, trying to get a girl to join us too to keep hubby happy. How do I feel about it? No different than I ever did, but trying to get over it. I'm numb now and don't really feel much of anything right now, my heart is broken over losing my mom. Sex is just pleasure of the flesh. If someone wants my heart they are going to have to work pretty fucking hard to get it, but it's turned to ice for now.  Oh, and Allen has been a sweetheart through all of this, texting me every few days, asking me how I'm doing. Mickey?? The only thing is said was, "Noooooo! I'm so sorry!" when I told him about my mom, and then the conversation I mentioned earlier. I'm planning on a little fun with my Allen. And did I forget to mention he's looking better than ever??? MMMM sent me new selfies. Yum yum yum. Did I tell you he's a dead ringer for actor Charlie Hunnam from "Sons of Anarchy"? Yes he is! I even sent him pics of the guy to him and he was like, "damn it's like looking in a mirror!!" So you can see why I'm hooked on him!

I'll keep you posted. Have a good week and happy hump day everyone!

Still no sex--going on 9 weeks now

Well hello everyone, sorry I've been AWOL for some time now. Things have been really shitty with me and my hubby, but I think I've turned a corner this week. Thank you to those of you who've written and asked about how I'm doing, how we are doing. I do have another blog I've been devoting my time to, and I need to keep that just for me. It's how I process what I'm going through and for now this really isn't that platform for that. I don't want the focus of this blog to be that kind of pain LOL

It's been a little over 5 months since I found out my hubby had cheated on me with one woman, and after leading me on for three months that "that's all, I've told you everything" he finally came clean with affairs with two other women. It's been hell. I don't want to go into any more detail here, but suffice it to say, when he did, I wanted badly to kick him out but I just couldn't. I don't know why. But I did kick him out of our bedroom, all his clothes and everything and he's still living in our guest room down the hall. No sex, no intimacy of any kind. I have hugged him twice and gave him a peck on the cheek at bedtime a few nights ago.

But I do miss him. He is a sexy motherfucker. He is looking better and better to me every day.

I am just about ready to take him back.

It's been a long road to get here. Marriage counseling, both of us in individual counseling, and thousands of hours talking, yelling, screaming, and more talking.

We plan to resume our open marriage when he has practiced not lying longer than he's practiced lying. I am going to delete the posts that included threesomes with two of these whores as I found out he had had one-night stands with them prior to including me in threesomes with them. Not good. I don't want to re-live those experiences on paper, it's bad enough they are in my head. They don't turn me on anymore, they turn my stomach.

Thank you for your concern and patience. Hope if you're reading this you are actively honest in your life in every way, and holding yourself accountable for all your actions.

AND USE CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Anna XO

I've been in hell, sorry i haven't posted in a while

Hello my dear readers, yes, you read that right, I've been in HELL for 10 weeks now. My hubby and I are having some serious marital problems. That's all I'm going to say on that subject. It's put a hold on our swinging lifestyle and yes, it hasn't been fun at all. I had to tell my two lovers I can't see them anytime soon. I miss them! They text me to check in from time to time but the answer is still the same, not yet. Sorry.

Let me just add this folks--for any of you married folk considering opening up your marriage the way we did--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reconsider. If only ONE of you is truly 'open", it's NOT an open marriage.

The whole idea of an open marriage is a marriage where both people can have sex with other people. The kicker is, YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS WITH OTHER PEOPLE. You have to let the other person know when you find someone attractive, you should be comfortable telling them. If you want to meet that person, have lunch or drinks or kissing or sex, YOU ADMIT IT BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS. Anything less than that is called CHEATING PEOPLE.

Traditional (monogamous) couples know that if one of them is kissing another person, you have broken your wedding vows. If you have sex with someone else, you have broken your vows. If you have an open marriage and do these things without telling your spouse, you have broken your vows. It's no different. You have to honor each other and the committments you have made.

Only one of us truly was capable of having an open marriage. And you can tell from this post, that person is me. I kept honest and true to my marriage and the rules of conduct within an open marriage.

I implore other married couples to do some REAL soul-searching, and maybe some counseling, before opening up your marriage to include other people.

I wish I had.

Love,
Anna XO

Mr. Passive earns a new nickname on our 2nd date!

I was getting so turned on waiting for Mr. Passive to come to my house and fuck me, I decided to play a little dress-up and take some pics of myself to send to him. I put on white stockings, a blue and white polka-dotted garter, matching bra and stilettos. Makeup and hair turned out sexy, I felt sexy, and started snapping away. (I will post a couple of these for you as soon as I can). A sexy pic of my stockinged legs. Sent to him in a text. 'I'm ready for you", I wrote. "Hot babe!" he answered, then, "I'm 10 minutes away." I sent him two more, just to tease him. He loved them. "Shit babe I'm trying to drive!" he LOL'd me. "I"m going to crash!" haha good. Just the effect I wanted.

I told him to park where he did last time--a spot just outside the first garage door of my house. In complete view of my nosy neighbor unfortunately, since there's really no other spot other than the cul de sac which is covered in snow at the moment. Fortunately, he always shows up in a nice suit, so if she ever got nosy, I'd just tell her the "truth"--he's our financial planner! (he IS one, just not ours....not yet anyway!)

I saw him drive up in his pretty blue Mercedes and my heart started pounding in my chest. I was glad we'd already gone through the whole meeting-in-public thing last time and brought him back here. He was familiar now, and I knew he was gentle and sweet, and very good in bed. I was practically panting when he came to the door, and as soon as we said our "hi's" and my dog checked him out and gave his approval, he just held me and kissed me. It wasn't a perfunctory "hello kiss", no, this was a very long, very sexy juicy kiss.  I was almost uncomfortable; I was used to guys who were more like "wham, bam thank you ma'am" than someone so tender. I kissed him passed the discomfort and realized how much I was enjoying kissing him. I couldn't help myself and grabbed him by his hips and pulled him as close to me as possible, feeling his growing erection on my groin.  I can't remember the last time anyone ever kissed me like that! Thinking about it later it reminded me of the first time a boy french kissed me at age 16 at a party; it seemed to go on forever but was so enjoyable I knew I never wanted to stop.

I'm sure I was the one who finally stopped the kiss--I wanted to get him upstairs and naked! I had put on a dress and blouse over my matching bra and garter set and wanted to strip for him. He knew what was on underneath because of the pics I'd sent and commented that he loved my strappy heels. He's short--probably 5'9"--but I'm tiny and only about 5'6"with heels so the kissing put our bodies in the perfect alignment.  I was ready for him and couldn''t wait another second.

We broke apart and giggled like teenagers, shy and embarrassed. Holding hands, I led him upstairs to the bedroom I share with my husband. He and I've been in this bed before, and I couldn't wait to have him again.

He took off his suit jacket and started loosening his tie. I love this part. The anticipation. I love undressing each other and stripping down. I helped him, and when he had his dress shirt and tie off, shoes and socks off, he coyly looked at me and said, "do the pants come off too?" I smiled and bit my lip and said, "oh yes!" and proceeded to unbuckle his belt, unzip his pants--my VERY favorite thing in the world to do--and slip his pants off. He had on a hilarious (to me) pair of undies--tighty camouflage ones and I cracked up. "Very cute!" I told him. He laughed too. He took off my blouse for me and I pulled my skirt off and revealed the sexy bra and garter belt for him. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me close to him and as he started to kiss me again, moaned, "very hot, girl!"

I loved kissing him, and I loved how he wasn't the grabby, "get to the action" kind of guy. He was sweet, and slow, and that's why I named him Mr. Passive. It's probably not a very good name anymore; I think I may call him Mr. Passionate instead. Because he is SO passionate. He seems to have sex more like making love than raw sex. It's soooo nice. I feel comfortable and safe with him, and always want more. And the best thing about kissing is it turns me on, like a light switch and I'm ready to go.

He laid on his back on my bed, stretched out and held out his arms like he owned the fucking thing. Did he even think about the fact that he was in another man's bed? With another man's wife? It sure didn't seem like he gave a fuck. And why should he? I was here. I had my husband's permission to have him here, in OUR bed. He was laid out like a fabulous piece of filet mignon at the butcher's--and I was buying the whole fucking cow. I was salivating at the sight of his small but hard muscular physique and those sparkling blue eyes staring at me. 

With garter belt and heels still on, I straddled him and grinded my vagina on his hard cock as I kissed him. He allowed me to do whatever I wanted, and goodnaturedly just laid there and let me take charge. I was so hungry I didn't know where to begin! I loved the way he watched everything I did; I took my mouth off his lips and nibbled his neck, which he seemed to really respond to. His hips started rocking under me and I was so wet already I could've just pulled off those silly undies of his and stuck his dick in me, but I didn't. I was enjoying the build-up.

I sucked and nibbled and licked his neck, and with my tongue, slowly licked him down his chest and teased his tummy. I love a man's tummy. It's soooo sexy, and I hadn't realized it before but he's got 6-pack abs. I love how right under a man's tummy is that beautiful little pleasure trail that leads to the treasure! Mmmmm yummy. I could only barely smell his cologne and as I mouthed his tummy, I breathed in his manly smells. I was so hungry for him. 

I used my mouth to tease his cock through his silly undies. I love seeing a hard cock through undies. It's so sexy. I love to tease myself and delay seeing a man's cock by playing with it through our clothes. I think total nakedness isn't as sexy as leaving on just a little bit of clothing--like you're just too horny to bother taking all your clothes off! But Mr. Passionate (his new name, remember) leaned over and took my bra off and started to play with my breasts as I sucked his cock through his underwear. I smiled at him, and put my breasts in his face to suck on and I once again straddled him and grinded his cock with my crotch. I could feel my pussy dripping I was so turned on. I couldn't wait to have him inside me.

I gently pulled his undies off and finally let his big hard cock out. I playfully teased it by letting my long, soft hair swish over it. I love doing that! His cock twitched in approval and I finally took it in my mouth and gave him the blowjob he was hungry for. I love giving oral sex on a guy so I stay down there a long time; not like so many girls who just do a perfunctory few licks. I licked and sucked him till he nearly came, then I pulled my mouth off. He gave me a big smile and grabbed me by my hips and pulled me onto him again for some more deep-mouthed kissing. Mmmm yummy. I pulled myself apart, sat up, and reached for a condom. It was time. 

Putting a condom on is so fucking sexy. I love the whole part of it---holding the package in my hand, tearing it open, and especially putting it on. Even buying them is fucking sexy. You and the clerk just know what you're going to do with them and I find that a huge turn-on. So I slowly tore it open, took the pale, limp condom out, and loving put it on the tip of his cock and together he and I smoothed it over his hard dick. Mmmmm so fucking sexy! More than not using a condom, it says blatantly, "fuck me now!" So that's what I did. 

I put that condom-covered hard cock of his inside me and being on top, my other favorite, fucked him hard while he just relaxed and enjoyed the ride. I wanted to show him I am no slouch. I'm not one of those girls that just lays there; oh no, I enjoy taking charge. I was his cowgirl and he was my pony and I loved riding him. Mmmm. It was the dead of winter outside but I got so sweaty fucking him I stopped to open a small side window and let in some fresh, cool winter air. It felt so good.

He was clearly enjoying watching me on top of him and letting me do the work. I was getting tired and he sensed it; he gently flipped me on my side and then onto my back. I couldn't believe how long this guy could fuck me without coming. I love love love fucking these young guys; they don't get tired easily and neither do I. He just fucked me and fucked me, and it felt amazing. He sometimes held me close and other times he'd kind of sit up. We were getting so sweaty, which I absolutely love. Hot and passionate and sweaty. We then laid side by side; I dripped lube on his throbbing cock and rubbed it and he fingered my clit till I came. I remembered how I couldn't ever cum with any guy other than my hubby; now my goal was to cum with every guy or girl I sleep with. I came so fast; i hoped he knew how turned on I was.

I wasn't in a hurry like last time--I didn't have to go to work but I did have to pick up one of my kids from school, so when I got an opportune moment, I reached over and checked my phone for the time. I couldn't believe we'd been fucking for more than an hour! We both said we were doing fine on time. It was time to change position again. He was going for the cum shot--we had texted about it and I told him to "surprise me." I love watching a man cum, he didn't always have to cum inside me, so I was really excited what he was going to choose.

He flipped me over, gently again, and wanted me doggy style. I like this position but it's not my favorite cuz for some reason, if it goes on too long, it makes me feel like I have to pee so it's kind of uncomfortable, especially if the guy is big, but I know guys just love fucking a girl from behind. I do like the way it hits my G-spot and it's pleasurable at the same time. As he's fucking me, just nonstop like a 24 year old would fuck, I'm grabbing the down comforter and screaming into it with every thrust.  After what seemed like an eternity--damn this guy could fuck and fuck forever--I had such a mix of pain and pleasure and I didn't know how much longer I could stand it--I felt him flick the condom off and cum all over my ass. My body collapsed down on the comforter and I released my grip on it. It was very erotic and I was exhausted and still turned on.

He was on his knees and holding the used condom; I sat up and took it from him and put it in the toilet (can't have kids finding it in trash!!!). I didn't flush it tho; I went back to him and we laid together, panting and sweaty. It was a beautiful sexy moment. We laid there, and he chatted, he was so awesome! I felt like we were really getting close. He was clearly comfortable with me. He didn't need to jump up and run out the door (like Mickey??? Hello??). He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder as he (mostly) talked about his job. He was confiding in me and I felt happy. I felt like I was getting what I always wanted from Mickey--not just a sex partner but a lover. Mickey never let me get close to him; eight years off and on together and he's still just a stranger. 

After at least 15-20 minutes, we both agreed it was time to go. We got dressed together--I had to go find something else to wear to pick up my kid--and he chatted the whole time. He is so comfortable in his skin and around me, and I feel the same way. I asked him if he wanted to shower before his next client, and he said no, just splashed some water on his face and ran his fingers through his short brown hair. I watched him, his blue eyes just gleaming in the mirror, and I noticed for the first time he had a small cleft in his chin. I felt warm all over just watching him.  I gave him a fluffy hand towel to dry his face and hands on. He said "thanks" sweetly and it felt good to be there with him, in the bathroom I share with my husband. Another man at HIS sink, using HIS faucet and soap. It was so sexy and naughty.

We walked downstairs together, and kissed at the door. It was a short kiss, but he said, "let me know when you're available...let's get together again soon!" I said I would, I definitely would. And with that, he walked away to his car, and I shut the front door, and giggled.

I texted my hubby--"He just left--are you on your way yet?" and he texted back, "around the corner baby!" I was already so sore from Mr. Passionate, but I knew my afternoon of sex wasn't over yet. My hubby was turned on from my slutty escapade and we still had an hour before my kid's school was out. I went back upstairs and put the bra and garter back on for my hubby, spritzed on some perfume, and heard the door open and close. I smiled thinking about the last two hours spent with another man, and how I was still turned on and couldn't wait to fuck my hubby. What a lucky woman I am!

Why I took my pic down

Ironically, the same day I posted "My slutty afternoon...", I happened to get a text from a guy I've been chatting with that I met on the dating website, "do you know a woman named (blank)?" I texted him back, 'uh, no, why?" and he said, "well she sure seems to know you. And she had some choice words for you." WTF??!! And he proceeded to tell me she said this about me, and I quote, "...it is a known fact that she is a slut." Ironic huh?! The same day I posted that blog post. Just a couple days ago. Guess I started chatting with a guy who knows someone who knows someone who knows me. And he's been talking about me to her. Great. Fucking great.

So, of course, I freaked out. Fucking fucking freaked out. I looked her up on Facebook and we have a mutual friend. Great. Fucking great. So, either this mutual friend (a guy that used to work at the gym, we are more" aquaintances" than friends) is talking smack about me, or she found my blog. For the record, she looks familiar, but he insists she doesn't go to the gym I go to so I don't think I know her.

I have Googled my blog to see if it can be found, and I've been able to so far keep it discreet. But I freaked out anyway and took my picture off. I couldn't even sleep that whole night, trying to figure out how this chick knows me and why she'd say that about me.

You my dear readers know I'm a swinger, and yes, I love sex. And they are many definitions of the word "slut"-I just looked them up LOL---anywhere from meaning a woman who loves sex to a woman who will have sex with anything that moves. SO......what did she mean by that?! What has she learned about me from this mutual "friend"??!! So yeah, if being a slut means, "a woman who loves sex or has multiple partners", yes, I'm a slut. But how would someone who doesn't even know me think that about me?!

I'm taking her comment to mean someone who'll sleep with anyone and anything, and has no couth. I am extremely selective (I've had 3 lovers in the whole year I've lived here!). And I have not done anything at ALL with anyone at the gym or any of my co-workers. I've been very discreet--only dating guys I've met on the dating site. No one who knows any of my friends or anyone in my circle. So for her to call me a slut, or to think that our mutual friend has said stuff about me, well, after I had my freak-out I calmed down and realized that maybe it's made-up shit on her part. She has nothing on me---UNLESS SHE FOUND THIS BLOG. THAT HAD MY PICTURE ON IT.

I have been very comfortable with all of you seeing me and getting to know me through this blog. I feel more real to complete strangers because as a group, if you're reading my blog, you are probably in the lifestyle too and realize how dangerous a game it is we play. Friends and family, if they were to find out about our secret lives, would ruin us. Isn't it fucked how the world works?? It's more socially acceptable to cheat on your wife or husband than to invite another lover into your bed with their permission.

I decided I'm finished talking to this loose-lipped guy, and also to just let it go for now. I honestly can't think of any reason someone who doesn't even know me would say such a thing about me. I have been very discreet, so maybe she's just jealous. I have no idea. But I think I need to be more careful, more discreet, because sadly, it's painfully obvious society can't handle women who love sex. I can't risk being found out. It's obvious my reputation is on its way to being tarnished and well, if it wasn't for me trying to protect my children and my husband's reputation, I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me. I have considered taking down this blog, but I won't for now. I need to to keep sane, but the thought of losing everything I have is more real now.

I have already undressed him in my mind...time to do it in person!

At one o'clock tomorrow I hope to be laying my eyes on my new boytoy face to face! I am so excited I can hardly stand it! He had cancelled our date last week and I was SO disappointed! Said he was sick. Tried again Thursday, same thing. I said I was free Friday night, and he just said he felt like staying home. Apologized and we have rescheduled for tomorrow. He lives only 15 minutes away and has been wanting to come over in the evening but I have my kids and hubby in the evenings, so maybe he's just timid, who knows. I am excited to meet him! He could be my new Mickey. If not him then.......I have someone ELSE who's REALLY interested and has been trying to get together with me! He lives about 100 miles away, not good, but he's really persistent AND young, he's 23 too, and very good looking. Great, hard body, long dark brown hair, yes, very long, past his shoulders and he looks like a rocker boy--tattoos, long thick hair. Young and very hot. I REALLY like him and every day he texts me, "come see me today". He is nice, not gross at all like some guys, I really hate too much sex talk with someone i haven't even met, it makes me feel gross and both these guys are sexy and complimentary without being gross.

I got a video from Mickey in the middle of the night last night! OMG it was better than the ones he usually sends, which are always him jerking off (which I love) but never his face. This one was of him, his beautiful face!!! He was shirtless, wearing that same knit cap he always wears, and it was a very short video. He was looking at the camera, and he said, "Does this look official? Cuz you've officially given me a boner." I saw it at like 4 am and I laughed out loud, it cracked me up. I fell back asleep and didn't write back till about 7 am (trying not to seem too desperate). I just said, "you look HOT!" and he wrote me back immediately! We sexted back and forth for a little while. I smiled all day.

My new guy I'm meeting tomorrow (who has the same name as my hubby!) said he will be "dressed in his work clothes." I was frightened LOL and had visions of steel-toed work boots and ugly coveralls. I asked him, 'What do you do?" and he said he's a financial planner and wears a suit tie!! YAY!!! He sent me 2 pics of him in a suit, one a black suit and one brown, and OMG what a handsome young stud!! I told him I can't wait to see him out of it!!! I get really turned on by a good-looking guy in a suit and tie. It's a huge turn on for me. I am already fantasizing about seeing him undress.....first the jacket comes off, and then I'l be able to see that huge bulge in his slacks. Very hot. Then he'll start to loosen his tie, and I'll start unbuttoning his dress shirt, and then as he takes off his tie I'm opening up his shirt with my hands and spread open the shirt to reveal a sexy, manly chest and softly touch it and start to kiss it. Mmmm, that's when I get a whiff of his cologne, and as he takes the shirt off, I'm already wet with anticipation. Then I undo his belt......unzip his zipper......OOOO I'm getting SOOO excited!!!

So I'm really hoping he shows up tomorrow and doesn't send me a lame text he can't make it. If he does, I'm driving to meet the other hottie.  BTW I will give these sexy men pen names if I meet them and bring them home with me. If I do, I'll be writing about it tomorrow night! Cross you fingers for me, your nasty  fingers people!!!!

Drinks at noon, sex by 1:00!

I'm SO excited to meet my new boytoy!! He's gorgeous. He's got black hair, bright blue eyes, and really full lips, just like Mickey. Damn!! He has been persistent in texting me and we are meeting at noon tomorrow, halfway between where we both live. He lives only 15 minutes away from me!!! I am SO glad I finally found someone attractive who will HOPEFULLY show up!!!

I PROMISE to tell you all about it!

Did I tell you he's only 23???

Half my age.

Yum yum!

Still looking for Mr. Right Now--I might've found him!

Not content to sit around and wait for Mickey to decide what he wants, I turn to my dating website to find some fresh meat. There are so many hot guys on there--the problem is so many just end up exchanging pics and chickening-out when it comes time to meet. BUT---I found someone new--he is a hottie who lives about an hour away with an Irish accent!! He's half my age, and has the most beautiful smile and sparkly brown eyes. He has perfectly straight teeth, and a sexy, disarming smile. So so cute. We have been writing on yahoo messenger all week and we are meeting on Saturday!!  His name is Damian and he's fucking hot. Just the right guy to help me break my unintended sexual sabbatical! Thankfully he lives alone and I'm driving to meet him near where he lives. He's invited me to spend the night....mmmmm I'm thinking about it! I love the pics he's sent me and he loves mine so I'm really hoping he'll be worth the hour drive! I will keep you all updated. Cross you fingers! I could use a hunk like him right now. His compliments and constant attention right now picks me up when I'm down and obsessing over you-know-who. Who, by the way, was online 24/7 and has now gone completely AWOL. His facebook has gone private too. Can't read a thing anymore. Do you think this is all directed at me? How would I know? Enough, Anna, enough.

I'm so annoyed at Mickey's lack of response---my insides are literally tied up in knots wondering what the fuck is going on with Mickey--especially since I looked up "Domestic Partnership" and it says that in his state it is, and I quote, "....almost equivalent to marriage." What I don't know is have they legally done something or was it just, "hey, we're on facebook and we are living together so since there's no "living together" choice they picked this one? Who knows. I know that I'm getting really stalker-ish lately trying to get answers--so I've decided to just stop. I can't keep torturing myself. I didn't really buy a ticket to go see him anyway. I'm not sitting around waiting for an answer. His silence is screaming, "I don't know what to do here!!!"My BFF told me give it a few more days and then send him a text that I hadn't heard from him and that I'm excited to see him, etc. I don't know. I'm tempted to just do nothing. Let him go. I don't want to push him into her arms trying hard to "be a good boy"--HIS words.\

I'm annoyed with myself, and him. He's such an asshole. Why can't he just talk to me like a regular person???? If he's serious about her, why can't he just fucking say it?????

I'll tell you all about my date with Damian as soon as I can! I sure hope there's a spark. He is so cute from his pics so we'll see.

All I know is, I'm ripe for some good ol' fashioned fucking!!!!!

Finding happiness in the middle of the night

Long after I'd gone to sleep two nights ago, I hear the familiar chime on my iPhone on my nightstand. It's Mickey. FINALLY. He's on yahoo messenger at long last, and writes me his usual, "what's up?" like a whole month hasn't passed but just a few days.

How I longed for the strength to ignore him. I laid there in the dark, staring at his user name, and his words, but I was too happy and relieved to have any sort of resolve. I wrote him back immediately, "hey sexy man, where've you been?" Thanks to my detective work (called Google) I knew I wasn't going to take any excuses.

He started in with his usual, "busy". I said, 'Bullshit". Ok, I actually didn't say that, but I wanted to. That's what I was thinking. I ignore it and asked if he'd gotten a phone yet--knowing full well he did. Yeah, he said. I asked him what hasn't he called or texted me? Had he changed his number? He said no, same number. I said I'd texted and called him and no response. He said simply, "my GF  gets mad." Hmmm.

Since he doesn't actually talk in complete sentences on yahoo messenger, I ask them and wait for answers. I was bold and pretty straightforward. Even though I'd been sound asleep moments earlier. The gist of his situation is this--he's back and forth with the same GF he'd cheated on with me that fateful June 25th day in that hotel room way back when I first started this blog!! Two years ago? Three? I can't even remember. Yes, same girlfriend.

I asked him if he was happy with her. He said, "comes and goes." WOW isn't he descriptive? What the hell does that mean??! So I poked and prodded him. Because I always feel that every single encounter with him could be the last. I try to get as much out of him every time JUST IN CASE.

He teased me back.  He said, "you'll be sad when I get married." So I said, "why is that?" hahaha I used to say things like, "oh, I know, I don't know how I'll handle it." But not now. He has worn me down. 

He didn't answer. So I said next, "So! When's the wedding?" and I was about to say, "so I can send my gift" but he quickly answered, "LOL I'm not getting married!" I've been down this road with him before and I know it will come one day. And no, I am not prepared, and yes, he's right, I WILL be sad. I'll be more than that though--I'll be distraught.

But I didn't want to tell him that. So I started teasing him back. I said, "Marry me". He said, "but you're already married." I said, "So I can marry you too. The three of us. I'll be faithful to you and my hubby."

He was like, hmmm, what do I say to that?? He just said, "How would that work?" and I said, "very well actually! You'll get everything you want. Emotionally, financially, in every way." I could tell he was intrigued.

I teased him further to show I wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't mind sharing him as long as he was in my life. I said he could date others even if I was faithful to him. He was just floored. He said, "are you trying to bribe me?" and I said, " Hey, whatever works!!" lol

I then said, "I'll be your GF is cute. Is she into girls? Let's have a 3sum!" He said, 'No, no, that part of my life with you is separate from her." boo hoo I said too bad LOL I told him I had a boyfriend in LA and that I'm going to see him in a few weeks (B). He got jealous! Yay! I told him, "nah, I'm just going to see my parents. I want to stop and see you" So we talked about me getting a posh hotel room near him and him coming to see me. He truly wants to, I know he does, but he is "trying to be a good boy" so I'm not planning on going to see him now.

That did lead to an interesting conversation about non-monogamy, and how it doesn't work for us or most people, although they won't admit it. I said, "do you think for a second your GF doesn't have the hots for other guys? Of course she does, but she can't tell you, just like you can't tell her about me." OH I forgot to tell you!!! I asked him about the card I sent. "What card?" was his response. I told him about it, and then asked, "does your GF get your mail?" he said yes, I said, "Well, that explains why you never got it. I'm certain she intercepted it." He said nothing.

So....anyway...he's still online, 2 days later, and writing me all the time again. Why now? What has changed?? Nothing, he's still involved with her. But I did tell him, "you always come back to me." After a long pause, he said, "you're right, I do." 

So we'll see where this goes. My heart has hardened and I'm tougher than I used to be. I get him now, like I never got him before, and I actually feel sorry for his girlfriend, because he has broken her heart so many times (I know from her poetry I found online--thank you again Google) and he will break it again. I don't know if I want him that badly anymore. We should both dump him!!!

Damn it's those blue eyes, those dimples, that sexy voice and the way he makes us feel.

Fuck.

A new movie is out about swinging

There's a new movie that just came out called, "Swinging With the Finkles", and I just heard about it. I saw the trailer, and I had to run straight to my laptop and tell you all about it! It stars Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore as your typical adorable but bored married couple who decide to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by swinging with another married couple. I have not seen it yet---I merely saw a pop-up ad for it on Facebook this morning.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd probably laugh my head off at this movie, like my teenage son did when he and his teenage friends watched "Hall Pass". The subtext goes right over their immature pre-frontal-cortex brains. I tried to have a conversation about that movie and it was futile--he thought it was insanely funny and for that, Hollywood succeeded.

This appears to me to be another lame Hollywood attempt to broach the subject of what to do when married couples hit that inevitable plateau in their sex lives. The biggest problem with these types of movies is that they are made to be palatable for everyone, because the more people that go to see it, the more money they'll make. And Hollywood is all about the bottom line.

Since I haven't seen the film (and intend to do so ASAP) I will instead offer what I wish Hollywood, or most likely, an Idie film company do. And readers, if you know of such a film exists, I hope you'll let me know.

It seems from the trailer that as this married couple decide to find another couple to swing with, they "interview" prospective couples from the living room couch the way you'd interview a housekeeper or babysitter.  Those of us who are ACTUAL swingers know it doesn't work that way! First of all, how did they end up on their couch? Will Hollywood show the Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist ads of this couple? No, probably not.

What I do like from the trailer, however, is the subject of man-with- man sex is addressed. But, of course, it appears it takes the subject lightly--"this doesn't mean I'm gay does it?" the husband asks the other man. "Of course not", he says. I would like to see a man embracing his bi-sexuality. Why can't he enjoy his gay side? If anyone cares to know this, the Kinsey scale on pure heterosexuality is not the norm.  I get so so tired of it being socially acceptable for women to be tit-on-tit but two penises touching? So scandalous!!! Check it out on Kinsey's official site: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html#what

I would like to see, and maybe if it doesn't exist I should write it---the serious, sometimes funny, always sexy and raunchy truth about swinging. Wouldn't you? Is America truly not ready for the truth? After all, "Swinging with the Finkles" is a British movie.

That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to write it myself.

Who should star in it? How about two completely unknown and talented actors?

Gotta go.

Check out the trailer: http://youtu.be/6tKycPLM0po

time for a little contemplation...

Hello readers!!!  I welcome new readers and cherish my daily followers. I love to read your blogs as well and I always welcome your comments.

Since my hubby and I started this lifestyle, one of the things that's been the hardest is the secret factor. We have found we live in a sort of sexy bubble, and that very few people we've allowed inside. Friends we've told are usually in the lifestyle too, which is always a relief to be able to share this part of ourselves. We have told NO family, and honestly, with the exceptions of our lovers, only 5 people know. My two best GF's in the whole world and my hubby's best guy buddy he's known for over 20 years. And one other couple who we aren't intimate with (yet--wink wink). That's it. It's a very small circle.

Keeping this a secret can be challenging, especially with my cell phone. Even if it's on vibrate (ooohh) my kids have a knack for picking it up and saying, "mommy! Whos' Mickey?" and further, "who is 555-1212 and why do they keep calling you?" I have to be VERY careful.

Our worst fear, of course, isn't that the kids find out, it's that they suspect one of us is cheating on the other. We do agree that would be worse.

So--why don't we tell them??

We have been doing our research on that very subject. There is a great book we both just read tackling that subject--it's called "Love You Two" by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. It's a great work of fiction--the first of its kind actually, about a teenage daughter who stumbles across her mother's diary and finds out she has a male lover who is accepted by the father. It's a story of a teenage daughter's shock and hurt and confusion over this new information and how she deals with it. If affects her relationship with her mother of course. My biggest problem with the book is the father is rarely mentioned. He is just a silent, nodding-in-affirmation character with no voice. He never sits down and talks to her about his involvement or how it feels for him, and she doesn't really show any need to discuss it with him. All her emotion is directed at her mother. It is a good book in the way that I think her reactions are typical of what a teenager would do and feel.

We think our youngest would do fine. She's young enough, and she's actually said some interesting things to me from time to time that make me wonder if she somehow, on some level, already knows. For instance, we were at the beach a few weeks ago, and we were talking about her big brother (who's 16) and all the cute girls on the beach he'd like if he were with us. She said, "You should find a boyfriend Mommy!" I was like, "WTF??" So I said, "I'm married to your daddy sweetheart! I can't have a boyfriend too!" and she said, "Why not? You're hot and I see them stare at you!" OMG this came from my twelve-year-old!! I was perplexed. It would've been a perfect opportunity to tell her....only I was completely unprepared.

My Internet research has affirmed that the younger they find out, the easier it is for them to accept it. BUT--once they're in their teens, it really can be harmful and destructive. Emphasis on "can be"---all kids are different. It's something we think about all the time. In the meantime, we are just very careful.

When Mickey first came into our lives, our kids were very small. Our oldest was 8 and the youngest was 4. They went to bed at 10 and what we did after hours they didn't think to question. Weekend trips away? Yay! Fun with Grandma! It's so different now that they're older--they ask more questions--where did we go, who did we see? We have a great relationship with our kids--we are more open and honest with sex and we talk about everything--except our own sex lives.

Readers? I'm appealing to you. Those of you in the lifestyle with kids--how do you handle everything? Have you told your children, your parents, siblings, co-workers? Reactions? I'd really love to know.

Have a great day.
Love,
Anna XOXO

Mickey's version

Ok so I decided I wasn't done. Who knows if I'll ever be done with him. I decided to just pretend I didn't see her video and just go on as usual. So, I texted him. A LOT. Yesterday I just decided to lamblast him with texts. How could he just ignore me? I was having fun. I thought, Fuck her, fuck you, I'm going to get you in trouble. Poke him till he pops. No response until I said, "well, I guess you're not talking to me suddenly, don't know why."  He texted me, "sorry, I've just been real busy." Yeah, busy fucking your EX-GF, busy working with her and LIVING with her!! Said he's ok, just "all work and no play." Am I seriously supposed to believe this? I'm laughing inside reading it. I told him, "can you get a couple days off and come visit?" He said, "not at the moment. I have no roomie so I'm kinda short on cash", then went on to tell me how he almost had to get rid of his phone but cancelled his internet instead. I said, "so, you live alone? Hmm, must be rough." (meaning financially). He said, "no, LOL I love it!" I told him, "ok, I'll come see you then. I'll stay at your place and cook for you." He said, "sorry, I wouldn't have any time for you." I said, "you seriously work that much?" and he said, "yeah, sorry."

He didn't text after that. I wrote a few texts, asked him, "no time for a gf?" and "do you miss me?" and no replies. I said, "I don't miss you!" then sent "LOL" so that's where it stands. He denies it, and I'm left thinking, could she have a different boyfriend who works at a pizza place--all the time??? My girlfriend was furious at me for thinking so. She is tired of me having my head in the sand. I know she's right. I'm 1800 miles away, he can tell me anything he wants. And vice versa. I should start making up lies as well.

I'm hoping to see Jake this week! My hubby has suggested I get a room and spend the night with him! He's a 2 hr drive away so that might be fun.....

Speaking of hubby, we are doing great. He had another girl after him, another former co-worker who contacted him (we'll call her Annie) and they had some sexy texting going on. I was actually ok. Turned me on actually. So that's good.

That's all for now. Hope you're all having a good week and if you're reading this, I'd love to hear from you.

The tables are turned.....and I'm kinda freaking out

My hubby's got his first opportunity to be alone with another girl tomorrow night. Being that he's fine with me being alone with guys makes me feel like I have no right getting upset at him doing the same thing--but I am kinda freaking out. I'm trying not to.

I clearly remember our conversation the very first time he encouraged me to spend the night alone with Mickey. I told him, "you know, I don't think I'd be okay if you did this. I honestly don't know how it is you're not only ok with this, but encouraging it." He assured me he was fine; it turned him on. Since that time, there hasn't been another woman he's wanted to be alone with, and he's actually not even admitting to me he wants to be alone with her.

To back up, we had a 3sum with her a few weekends ago. I know the two of them are attracted to one another, and I've kind of felt like, would you two just leave me out of it? Have your fun. I don't really want to watch or be involved. I was involved, and yes, it was hot, but my hubby didn't even take his underwear off. We were all drunk and had an early flight so he was just like, this is fun, let's stop here and not take a chance on ruining the friendship. I misunderstood and thought he was more into her than he was letting on, so he played it cool. He said no, too drunk, just fooling around was fun enough.

Well, he's in her state for work, and has a free night, and she wants to drive 4 hours to see him.

Hmmm.

Yeah.

So he's in a tough spot now---he's gotta decide what to do.

I told him I'm a little unnerved she's willing to drive 4 hours to be with him.  Makes me uncomfortable.

But if it weren't so far, would I feel any differently?

Probably not.

I feel like I hold myself to a different standard. I can sleep with other guys but he can't sleep with other women? That's not fair. I know it's not.

I'm trying to act like I'm fine with it but I'm really not. It's obvious I feel threatened. I wish I didn't. I want him to feel the joy and excitement with a new partner, but I don't!! I feel like such a selfish bitch!!

I guess that's the hard part about swinging and an open marriage. It's giving permission to your spouse to have an affair. The difference is there's no lying, no cheating, no secrets. No sneaking around, cuz you're telling each other everything.  But that doesn't mean it's easy, or you don't care, or you don't get jealous.

Poor guy. I'm giving him mixed signals cuz I don't want to be the bitch that says no. Or, the bitch that can't forgive him afterward.

uh oh.....

The problem with being a swinger is sometimes your heart gets involved, event though you try hard not to let it. I am crushing hard on B. He just makes me laugh so hard. And he's full of compliments....besides my hubby and my pilot Sean, most guys just don't get that we girls LOVE to be complimented! Damn we work hard on our looks and fuck if you like what you see, tell us assholes! So he's #1 right now with me. I can't fucking wait to meet him Saturday! We are gonna have a fucking great time.

Saying Yes to Mickey

Ok, so you're probably wondering about this guy Mickey. I started writing about him and never finished. It's really a long story.... I met him 8 years ago when he was only 17 and a boxboy at the grocery store I shopped at. I was instantly smitten....he told me he was engaged and as he unloaded my cart into my car, I found myself staring at him as I was congratulating him on his engagement. I thought he was waaaayyyyy too young to be engaged, but it's not my nature to preach or give unsolicited advice. This was during my self-described frumpy-mom stage, and I honestly thought of him more like just a troubled young man who needed someone safe to talk to.

By the time he was 19, I found myself thinking about him a lot, and I found myself hoping he'd be working when I planned my weekly shopping trip. I found myself choosing my makeup and clothes carefully, and it got to be the highlight of my week if I saw him. I was nervous as a teen myself, stumbling over my words and wondering, am I flirting? Eventually we'd hug in the produce section (he'd gotten promoted to fruits and vegetables LOL). His physique is small, and I loved how I could wrap my entire arm around his waist. I wanted more than public hugging.

He's the guy who opened up the door for our swinging lifestyle. My husband and I invited Mickey over one night; over vodka and laptop computers we flirted and held hands as we sat on the couch. He was sooo cute, black hair, eyes as blue as the sky, and a super sexy lip ring. I'd never kissed a guy with a lip ring before, and more than those incredible blue eyes, I was turned on by that lip ring. I couldn't wait to kiss him. Our fingers caressed and as the vodka relaxed my nerves, I was getting soooo turned on by this young stud. I hadn't had anyone except my husband in 12 years, although I'd had plenty of action before we'd met. I really didn't know how I was going to feel or what this meant to our marriage. I was sooo infatuated with this Mickey, and I was being egged on by my hubby so I didn't waste any time analyzing it. I just wanted to enjoy him.

Soon we made our way upstairs. Mickey was reluctant at first but soon joined in (the boys didn't touch, to my dismay). I was drunk but having the time of my life. I'll never forget the moment I climbed on top of him, my arm completely around his waist, and put his enormous cock inside me. I loved kissing him, I loved fucking him. I was completely hypnotized. He came inside me, and once,while he was fucking me, I was giving my husband a blow job. Talk about a great experience! And it wasn't even my birthday! He was ready to go again right away and I was too.

We got together one more time after that, and actually, it's been 4 years now and I don't remember the details. All I know is, we had a blast, and I remained very infatuated with him. I was getting worried I was falling in love with him, and I don't know that I didn't, because when he moved away without saying goodbye a few months after we had sex, I was devastated. I realized I thought of him constantly.

After awhile of no contact whatsoever from him, I had to let go. I moved on, and my hubby and I began to look for new lovers. We had sex with all sorts of people: couples, single guys, one single gal, and lots of sex with each other. Mickey had unleashed a wild girl I had forgotten existed. For that, I thanked him.

I would hear from him every now and then, almost always in the middle of the night, and it made me so happy. Finally I wanted to go see him. Fortunately for me, my hubby encouraged me. I was hoping for a reunion threesome but he wanted me alone, and my hubby said it was ok. I really wanted them both but oh well. I always have more fun if my hubby's there. At this point, I'd never been alone with another guy in 15 years.

We flew to see him almost a year ago, ironically, the same day Michael Jackson died. I know this because Mickey had just told me he had to make a phone call, and was stepping outside the hotel room. I had no reason not to believe him, and wondered after about 10 minutes if he was going to be on the phone long. I suddenly got a bad feeling, as I sat there naked, awaiting his return. We'd already had sex and were having some pillow talk and I was under the impression we were getting ready for round 2. It dawned on me suddenly that he was indeed gone, chicken-shit style. I put on some clothes and clutching my phone, saw the "key" under the door that I had given him to get back in and I just knew he was gone. What an asshole! Couldn't he have just kissed my forehead and said, "hey love, that was fun, gotta go"?? My pilot never would've treated me so horribly. I was stunned, absolutely stunned. I ran out of the room, ran into the puny pathetic "lobby" (it wasn't much of a lobby) and no Mickey. I ran out to the parking lot and looked for his car. No Mickey. I called him, and of course no answer. I left a pathetic voicemail he ignored as well as about 10 texts. Horrified, I slunk back to my hotel room, and got a text from my brother that Michael Jackson was found dead. I felt nothing. I was numb.

It didn't talk long for the tears to start. I couldn't stop. I was so angry. Angry at myself for letting myself get so vulnerable again in the Mickey department. Of course, I was angry at him for being such an asshole. I was stuck there without a car, my hubby had it to go to work in another city, so I couldn't even drive after him. We left the next day, me with a heavy heart. It didn't exactly go the way I'd planned.

After a few days, I realized what I'd wished I'd done--go to his work and just him a slap in the face as hard as I could, turn and walk out. I wished I'd thought of it while I was there.

Most girls would've written him off, right then and there. But not me. I don't know what it is about this guy but I just can't say no.

It was about 6 months later I got a yahoo messenger IM from him. "Hey", it said simply. Of course I was happy to hear from him. We started up again, and the other day we had our most sexy flirting yet in a year. OMG We both said we hadn't gotten enough of each other.

I don't know what it is we feel for one other, but it's lasted 4 years so far. I think he takes satisfaction in knowing I'm the girl who won't say no to him. He knows I won't leave my husband, so that makes me safe. I think he's a commitment-phobe but maybe he's just young and horny. He texted me he can't get away right now, after saying he would. He makes me insane with his mind games but I just can't tell him off. Is that love? Or stupidity? Maybe both.

I should say no to Mickey. But no matter how much time passes, I always think of him and fantasize about the next time. Right now I've offered to fly him here and spend a few days with me, and he's offered to be my sex slave. I fucking can't wait!

Erotic weekend plans!

I got a text from R. yesterday confirming that he definitely wanted to meet me and my husband in LA this weekend! Whoa I was like, a total 360 from the last time I spoke to him about 3 years ago! He was one of those guys who just enjoyed a little freebie over the webcam and nasty texting but chickened out when it came time to actually meet and get naked. Now tho it seems he's more open to the idea and OMG we had some nasty textual conversations yesterday! I was on a walk with my daughter and our dog and he's telling me stuff like, I wish you could pull my pants down right now and give me a BJ and I'm texting back, I wish I could too! Of course I'm texting my hubby at the same time, telling him all about it and we're both getting pretty hot and horny. This goes on for over an hour, back and forth, and I have to stop cuz my phone's going dead. I left him with a suggestion: "stroke that beautiful cock and think of me", to which he replied, "I will, I definitely will. See you Saturday sexy". Several hours later, after getting the kids to bed and FINALLY getting to be alone, my sexy hubby and I couldn't wait to get naked under the covers. As usual, he let me come first, which took all of like 3 minutes, I was soooo horny, and he took like another 3. What a fucking fun day!!!