A new movie is out about swinging

There's a new movie that just came out called, "Swinging With the Finkles", and I just heard about it. I saw the trailer, and I had to run straight to my laptop and tell you all about it! It stars Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore as your typical adorable but bored married couple who decide to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by swinging with another married couple. I have not seen it yet---I merely saw a pop-up ad for it on Facebook this morning.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd probably laugh my head off at this movie, like my teenage son did when he and his teenage friends watched "Hall Pass". The subtext goes right over their immature pre-frontal-cortex brains. I tried to have a conversation about that movie and it was futile--he thought it was insanely funny and for that, Hollywood succeeded.

This appears to me to be another lame Hollywood attempt to broach the subject of what to do when married couples hit that inevitable plateau in their sex lives. The biggest problem with these types of movies is that they are made to be palatable for everyone, because the more people that go to see it, the more money they'll make. And Hollywood is all about the bottom line.

Since I haven't seen the film (and intend to do so ASAP) I will instead offer what I wish Hollywood, or most likely, an Idie film company do. And readers, if you know of such a film exists, I hope you'll let me know.

It seems from the trailer that as this married couple decide to find another couple to swing with, they "interview" prospective couples from the living room couch the way you'd interview a housekeeper or babysitter.  Those of us who are ACTUAL swingers know it doesn't work that way! First of all, how did they end up on their couch? Will Hollywood show the Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist ads of this couple? No, probably not.

What I do like from the trailer, however, is the subject of man-with- man sex is addressed. But, of course, it appears it takes the subject lightly--"this doesn't mean I'm gay does it?" the husband asks the other man. "Of course not", he says. I would like to see a man embracing his bi-sexuality. Why can't he enjoy his gay side? If anyone cares to know this, the Kinsey scale on pure heterosexuality is not the norm.  I get so so tired of it being socially acceptable for women to be tit-on-tit but two penises touching? So scandalous!!! Check it out on Kinsey's official site: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html#what

I would like to see, and maybe if it doesn't exist I should write it---the serious, sometimes funny, always sexy and raunchy truth about swinging. Wouldn't you? Is America truly not ready for the truth? After all, "Swinging with the Finkles" is a British movie.

That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to write it myself.

Who should star in it? How about two completely unknown and talented actors?

Gotta go.

Check out the trailer: http://youtu.be/6tKycPLM0po

time for a little contemplation...

Hello readers!!!  I welcome new readers and cherish my daily followers. I love to read your blogs as well and I always welcome your comments.

Since my hubby and I started this lifestyle, one of the things that's been the hardest is the secret factor. We have found we live in a sort of sexy bubble, and that very few people we've allowed inside. Friends we've told are usually in the lifestyle too, which is always a relief to be able to share this part of ourselves. We have told NO family, and honestly, with the exceptions of our lovers, only 5 people know. My two best GF's in the whole world and my hubby's best guy buddy he's known for over 20 years. And one other couple who we aren't intimate with (yet--wink wink). That's it. It's a very small circle.

Keeping this a secret can be challenging, especially with my cell phone. Even if it's on vibrate (ooohh) my kids have a knack for picking it up and saying, "mommy! Whos' Mickey?" and further, "who is 555-1212 and why do they keep calling you?" I have to be VERY careful.

Our worst fear, of course, isn't that the kids find out, it's that they suspect one of us is cheating on the other. We do agree that would be worse.

So--why don't we tell them??

We have been doing our research on that very subject. There is a great book we both just read tackling that subject--it's called "Love You Two" by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. It's a great work of fiction--the first of its kind actually, about a teenage daughter who stumbles across her mother's diary and finds out she has a male lover who is accepted by the father. It's a story of a teenage daughter's shock and hurt and confusion over this new information and how she deals with it. If affects her relationship with her mother of course. My biggest problem with the book is the father is rarely mentioned. He is just a silent, nodding-in-affirmation character with no voice. He never sits down and talks to her about his involvement or how it feels for him, and she doesn't really show any need to discuss it with him. All her emotion is directed at her mother. It is a good book in the way that I think her reactions are typical of what a teenager would do and feel.

We think our youngest would do fine. She's young enough, and she's actually said some interesting things to me from time to time that make me wonder if she somehow, on some level, already knows. For instance, we were at the beach a few weeks ago, and we were talking about her big brother (who's 16) and all the cute girls on the beach he'd like if he were with us. She said, "You should find a boyfriend Mommy!" I was like, "WTF??" So I said, "I'm married to your daddy sweetheart! I can't have a boyfriend too!" and she said, "Why not? You're hot and I see them stare at you!" OMG this came from my twelve-year-old!! I was perplexed. It would've been a perfect opportunity to tell her....only I was completely unprepared.

My Internet research has affirmed that the younger they find out, the easier it is for them to accept it. BUT--once they're in their teens, it really can be harmful and destructive. Emphasis on "can be"---all kids are different. It's something we think about all the time. In the meantime, we are just very careful.

When Mickey first came into our lives, our kids were very small. Our oldest was 8 and the youngest was 4. They went to bed at 10 and what we did after hours they didn't think to question. Weekend trips away? Yay! Fun with Grandma! It's so different now that they're older--they ask more questions--where did we go, who did we see? We have a great relationship with our kids--we are more open and honest with sex and we talk about everything--except our own sex lives.

Readers? I'm appealing to you. Those of you in the lifestyle with kids--how do you handle everything? Have you told your children, your parents, siblings, co-workers? Reactions? I'd really love to know.

Have a great day.
Love,
Anna XOXO

The tables are turned---and I go insane

Yesterday was one of the hardest days ever for our marriage.  A true test for the fate of our 18-year-old vows.

My post from 2 days ago was about my husband getting his first opportunity to be alone with a woman. We have been "swinging" (God I hate that term! Makes me feel like a monkey!) for about 6 years, and as far as "hall passes", I've been given free reign as a Hotwife. The tables were turned, and I was having a really really really hard time with it.

The night I wrote that post, hubby (who was out of town for work), and I talked on the phone for about 2 hours, thrashing back and forth every nuance of the whole thing. I'm sure I drove him crazy, because I felt one thing and said another. I felt like I had no right to tell him what he could or couldn't do--after all, how many guys have I been with without him?? (too many to count, honestly) And I know her, I know she's like Mickey, loves us both and wouldn't want to do anything that would break us up. We were with her a few weekends ago. So, on paper, logically, she's the perfect person for him to have his first "hall pass" with, right? SO WHAT THE FUCK WAS MY FUCKING PROBLEM??????

Several things.

First of all, like I said in my previous post, I told him 6 years ago I wouldn't be ok if he did it. Yes, a double standard, but he said it turned him on and he encouraged it. He has found guys for me, taken pictures of me for other guys, even made videos for Mickey. He has encouraged me to go on the dating website, and has paid for plane tickets, encouraged me to text, talk, see whoever I want, whenever I want. Because it turned him on.

And this is the defining thing for me----the idea of him being alone with another woman has NEVER turned me on. The thought of him being naked and fucking her made me so nauseous and crazy I was a complete wreck. And all day yesterday, knowing she was driving 4 hours to come see him, thinking about him getting all horny for her was too much for me to bear. I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, couldn't think. I almost crashed my car with my kids in it because I was so distracted.

I had to work too. A long shift. And with the time difference, I had to keep subtracting 2 hours from everything I was doing to imagine what they were doing. Had she arrived yet? Have you talked to her? Etc. And my hubby was wonderful, he did text me back immediately every time and told me everything.

But it only made it worse.

He 'd finished work, and actually changed hotels to be closer to the airport. So HE drove 2 hours, in MY mind, so he'd have MORE time with her in the morning. So he'd have a quicker drive to the airport.
Everything was adding up. He'd say, "oh no, that's not why, I will be closer so I can catch an earlier flight in the morning." yeah, right I thought. Nice try dude.

So I'm trying to take care of the kids, then had to go to work and worry WTF he's doing 1800 miles away. I know he wasn't cheating---it's not cheating if I know everything! But that didn't make it any easier.

She got lost. She was late. She showed up. They had wine. They were talking. Then they decided to go eat. That's when I had had enough. By this time, I had actually worked my entire shift, and had gotten kids in bed. It was nearly midnight my time, only 10 theirs, and I honestly couldn't take it another second. I grabbed a bottle of wine and some crackers, filled up the bathtub, and sent him a text that said, "I can't handle this. I don't want to hear any details. I'm turning my phone off." He obviously took that to mean, literally, that I would actually turn my phone off.  That I didn't want to hear from him? I did and I didn't. What I wanted to hear from him, he obviously wasn't going to say--which was, "don't worry honey, nothing's going to happen. We're just having a nice chat." (because he's always said he didn't want to lose her friendship). I wanted him to make the right decision without my influencing him. Didn't he know me by now??? We've been together a total of 21 years. Did he really think I was going to be ok with it? Or did he just want her so fucking badly he didn't care? So yeah. I turned off my phone. Because I knew he wasn't going to stop himself.

 I couldn't stand to imagine them naked and fucking. I thought, if he has sex with her, our marriage is over. I will never get over it. Just imaging them in bed together was agonizing.  For the next 2 hours, I sat in the tub sobbing.  I drank half a bottle of wine, and I was practically heaving. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I was getting more and more nauseous and hysterical. Two fucking hours had passed. I had no idea WTF they were doing. I was hysterical.  Thank God for my kids---if it weren't for them, I'd probably have stayed in the tub, kept drinking, and slid under. I got out of the tub, dried off my hands, and turned my phone on. He hadn't even tried getting a hold of me. That hurt and fucking pissed me off.

The texts came rapid fire and from deep within me.

"I just want you to know I'm not ok."

"I can't do this."

"I'm sick. I can't take it."

"I guess u are having too much fun to read this."

And the one I knew would get to him--"WE are NOT ok."

Seconds later my phone rang. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to jump right out of my chest. I mumbled hello. He was clearly exasperated with me.

"What are you guys doing?" I demanded.

"We just came back to the room," he says. Yippee. I fucking literally caught them in the nick of time. Of course, I don't know if they were already naked, or whatever. He didn't say. I didn't ask. But he said he would "stop"  and talk to her and call me back.

An agonizing 30 minutes later, he finally calls me back. I tossed and turned in the dark wondering WTF they were doing. He said they went downstairs to the front desk and got her her own room.  He said he was alone now. We talked for about half an hour. I know he'd been drinking, and I had too, so we decided to just go to sleep and talk when he gets home.

I realized the gist of the whole thing is what I said at the beginning of this post---the idea of him alone with another woman has never turned me on. I have tolerated seeing him in 3sums but it bothers me. It's better because I am there, but i have to get so bloody drunk to do it. I'm wondering how solid our marriage is now.

The other thing is, and this is very important---we are supposed to be able to say, "I'm not ok with this", and the other person is supposed to accept it. Without having to feel defensive. It's called setting boundaries. It's the first fucking rule of swinging and open marriages. I thought we had it down, but obviously not. But here's the thing---how many times have I told him, "i'm not ok with it"?? And yes, he stopped, he did the right thing. But I'm fucking hurt and pissed off that it came to that. If I hadn't turned on my phone and had my little tantrum, they'd have spent the fucking whole night together. He told me so. So---guess this is more about hubby not being honest with me either.  I shouldn't have played mind games with him--"go ahead, have your fun, I just don't want to hear details". I should've said, 'Absolutely not. Do not let her drive there. I am not ok with it."

But I was feeling so guilty of all the guys I've been with, and felt it only right he should be allowed to do the same.

But the truth is, it doesn't turn me on. I felt threatened. I felt jealous. I literally went insane. I'm still a wreck. And when he said, "oh yeah, been there, done that", I was like, "WTF??? HUH??? You never once said it bothered you when I was with other guys!!!" and he was like, "well yeah!! duh!!" I said, "but you never once asked me to stop. Or asked me not to go. You've always encouraged me. Why do you do that if you felt the way I felt?" and he said, "cuz you wanted it and I didn't feel it was my right to stop you." FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK Ok so this is all new to me. I had no idea.

So, 6 years of swinging and all, and we are acting like newbies. This is so fucked up.

New opportunities with an old friend and a new friend

It's snowing like a mutherfucker here right now and I'm coming down with some sort of flu or cold, I'm not sure, but I'm glad I've got time to write today. Lots to catch up on! Ok, Mickey update first---I'm so happy he's got a phone cuz he's texting me all the time now! He opened up to me a little a couple days ago---it was really amazing to finally get in his head a little. He was in rare form. He actually said, "I miss you"!!!!

He apologized profusely for "freaking out over the Tweet thing", saying that "she" (he never referred to her as his girlfriend) found one of our chats and was asking questions about us. He said they aren't serious, rather she owes him a lot of money and he's only sticking around till she pays him back! He was upset that if she found out about "us" (HIS term!! There's an 'us'? yay!) he would be "screwed". So, it wasn't that he was worried about hurting her! I am shocked. And relieved. He said he's not making much money now so he really needs her to pay him back.

He talked about the porn site--I think he is desperate. He said it's either that or sell weed, and he doesn't want to do that either, and that he's scared to actually do anything yet and hasn't. I told him I was upset about it, I didn't like that his face would be seen and he might regret it.

He also apologized for missing my birthday and said "happy late b-day". I texted him a pic of me I'd just taken a few days ago, all dressed up to go out, and he said, "I like your hair". That's the closest I've gotten to a compliment from him. (I'll take it). He thanked me for the Christmas card and pics I sent him and said, "I loved them". WOW he has never said the word LOVE in any form, so that was neat. He said he wished he could've visited me yay! So of course I told him that we'll fly him out anytime. The guest room has a brand-new bed in it and it's ready for him! And lastly, he said that "moving there is starting to sound good right now", and that he wants to find a good job. So of course I'm checking out what's here and sending him info. My hubby was pleased to hear all this and we'll see what he does. I love hearing from him, and he seems to need me right now, and I love it.

I found a book in a bookstore called, "The Threesome Handbook", and my hubby and I are reading it together. He says I could've written it LOL and I guess he's right. We have learned a few things and we are talking more than we were. Communication is the most important thing if you're going to have this lifestyle, and with our crazy schedules, we don't always communicate as well as we should. He really wants to include a woman and I just don't know how I feel about that. I haven't been really ok with it so far, I don't really know what I'm turned off to the idea, but it is something my hubby would like so I told him I will really think about it and let him know. Am I threatened by another woman, do I worry she'll steal him away? Yeah, I'm sure that's a huge part of it. I really don't get how he can let me be with other men and be okay with it. He gets more turned on than jealous, and I guess he must feel pretty secure about me, so that's awesome. Most of the time I try not to think about our lifestyle, because we've always said that if we think about it too much, we feel too shameful and guilty and weird and we'd probably stop doing it, but don't want to. Reading this book has helped with those feelings---the author is so frank about it being simply, an alternative lifestyle, calling it "modern". (so much better than "swinging". I really hate that term). A monogamous marriage is simply called "a closed relationship", and is neither better nor worse than a "modern" marriage (ours). A choice, not morally corrupt.

I know a couple who have been married 11 years, two kids, and they have a closed marriage. My hubby swears he's probably cheated on her several times, and if he were to even think she thought another guy was hot he'd have a shit-fit. So, I look at their marriage, and think to myself, hey, we treat each other better. We'd never cheat on each other--why would we?? If my hubby finds a woman attractive, he tells me. Vice versa. No big deal. Why can't more people be honest with each other? If there were more marriages like ours, I really feel there would be fewer divorces.

We are actually discussing telling our kids. It's more worrisome to think that with the stuff they might overhear, or see (as in me getting Mickey's texts all the time) that they might think I'm cheating on their daddy. I told my hubby not for now--if Mickey comes to live with us yes, but not right now. We aren't seeing anyone (unfortunately!!!) so why say anything now?

I had to laugh when I was reading in the 'Handbook" how we are probably misreading the flirtations of possible sex partners! It was saying how there are some interests people have that are generally thought of as open-minded (such as artists and musicians). So, I was thinking about this yesterday at the grocery store! I was getting a pound of bacon from the deli counter, and the guy helping me was really cute except for a shaggy beard. I could see a sleeve of tattoos peeking out from his white butcher's coat, and thought of the book. He was really friendly, even introduced himself by name (I'll call him Tony) and put out his hand to greet me! He said he's the new deli manager and we stood and talked for about 15 minutes. He's married, and he seemed very happy with his life. We talked about the snow and the impending storm and he was telling me how he snowplows his neighbors' drives for them. I never would've thought he might be flirting with me or be in a "modern" marriage had I not read that in the book. I vowed to myself upon saying our goodbyes that I would keep an open mind myself and see if there's an opportunity with him and his wife there! (maybe invite them over sometime? Give him my cell number next week when I go shopping??)

Opportunities abound! We just have to be willing to see them.

Now to help find Mickey a job here!