Polygamy, polyamory, and the benefits of having sex with other people

At work last night, I was listening to a conversation between two co-workers about jealousy in relationships. He's a married guy , about 27, construction worker, with a pregnant wife, who admitted to having cheated on her about a year ago. She's 24, single, intelligent and a psychology student in college. I missed part of their conversation, but I heard them debating the minute differences between an acceptable flirtation from another's partner from a stranger and an unacceptable flirtation. I had to silence my amusement. I didn't say a word. I thought to myself, "if only they knew about me...." and "if only they knew it didn't have to be that way."

As they talked, I was thinking about how much my attitudes about other women have changed in the 8 or 9 years since my hubby and I became swingers. I remember my husband going to a strip bar for his bachelor party and how upset I got. Puh-leeeeze. I can't believe I used to get so jealous.

I honestly think every woman should have a sexual encounter with another woman with her man. (maybe even several!!!) and I also think every guy should have a sexual encounter with another man and his woman. We have much to gain.

If you're reading this, I'm guessing you're pretty open-minded to this idea, if you haven't already done a variation on this yourself. I love that about you!! After Haley's visit, I started to really realize how much her visit did for ME, not to mention boost my hubby's self-esteem.

I was thinking about the way she showed my hubby where my G-spot was (twenty years together and we'd never found it!) and the way she lovingly admired and complimented my girl parts. It was so touching! A woman talks to another woman so differently than a man talks to a woman in bed. How many of you "vanilla" women (meaning "monogamous") wonder what other women are like in bed? Do you wonder if you're "good" enough? Do you wonder what another woman's orgasm looks like? What do other women like? Can you handle seeing your guy touch another woman and let her please him? It's a way to get a glimpse of what your man would be like if he left you/cheated on you/you died and he replaced you. In a safe way. BECAUSE YOU'RE WATCHING

I know this is blasphemous to a great many people, which is why I have to stay anonymous. How many of my "friends" would never speak to me again if they knew? But I believe with my whole heart and soul that my hubby and I have a closer and more honest relationship BECAUSE WE HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  We face our demons head-on.

Listening to my co-workers last night, it's clear how many people in traditional monogamous relationships believe that we have a right to "own" another person's body and thoughts. It's really amazing. I cringe now when I think back to remembering when I felt that way. How DARE my boyfriend look at another woman's breasts and fantasize about her! What did that say about ME? Didn't that reduce me in his eyes? Didn't it mean I wasn't enough for him? Didn't it mean that I needed a boob job or some other work? NO. It doesn't mean any of those things.

It is so freeing to be able to tell each other, "isn't she/he hot? I'd do him/her right now if I could!!" without feeling threatened!! To actually encourage each other to flirt and be intimate with another person without feeling threatened?! It's a tightrope we walk every day. To say we never get jealous would be a lie. It comes with the lifestyle. BUT---and it's a big but----we deal with it. Couples that swing have no reason to cheat.  Why would I sneak around behind my hubby's back if I can just tell him instead?

In my never-to-be-humble opinion, marriages end because of the fairy-tale idea that there is a "one-and-only" out there for us and we should never ever ever ever ever ever desire another human being. This is an archaic and impossible way to live. Admitting our attractions to other people--even if we don't act on them--is healthy in a relationship. Once we get past the honeymoon stage, it's inevitable and we stick our heads in the sand to deny it.

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I have to take a moment to comment on a new show out there called, "Sister Wives". No, I haven't seen it, but the cast was on Dr. Phil a few weeks back and I did see that. Basically, it's polygamy. A guy has three "wives" (only one is really considered a "legal" wife) and they have about 25 children between them. They have a huge house, and every "wife" has her own bedroom and the husband stays with each wife one-at-a-time, alternating nights. He admitted he doesn't have his own bedroom. He's not that good-looking at all, but it's apparent to me that he must be great in bed--not having his own room for the occasional night he's not in the mood and pleasing 3 women on a continual basis?? hee hee wow I'd love to get a glimpse of the size of his cock......whoops!! Got off topic and distracted.....

Ok, so here's the thing people---this is NOT polyamory. This is polygamy. There is a HUGE fucking difference. You know what the biggest difference is between the two? The fucking!! In a polygamous relationship, the wives are all having sex with the husband and he's having sex with them--but one-on-one. The women do NOT have sex with each other. (Like I said, the guy must be a total stud). In a polyamorous situation, everyone has sex with everybody else (usually). And it's not just about the husband. A wife can have several male lovers. I've never heard of a polygamist being a woman with several husbands. WHY THE FUCK NOT???????   I wouldn't call Mickey my "husband" nor would he call me his "wife" if he moved in with us. He'd simply be our or my lover. Same with Haley or any other woman if she came to be involved with us on a regular basis, or even moved in. Yes, if children came from any of these relationships, we'd raise them all together like the polygamous family on TV. But we wouldn't say we were "married" to each other, because in polymory, we don't own each other.

Another big difference is that in polygamy, religion is usually the reason they are together. This TV family is a hugely religious family. My hubby and I consider ourselves "spiritual" but don't believe in organized religion. We are not morally bankrupt because we have an open marriage! Just because we don't have sex with other people purely for procreation doesn't make us any less ethical than polygamists. One is against the law; the other isn't.  You can't legally marry more than one person at a time in our society. I think that maybe that is the last taboo--why can't you?? What harm are they doing? They claim to be very happy in their situation so who are we to judge? And the kids are happy! I think that in this day and age, the one-size-fits-all household went by the wayside more than a decade ago when it became socially acceptable for single moms and two-gay moms and or dads. Is this really so way-out there? I think not.

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I feel sexier and better about myself having had sex with other women, and I am more attracted to my hubby as well. Having had multiple partners--men and women, and couples (safe sex always...I must add) has deepened our trust and love for each other. It doesn't diminish what we feel for each other, as we always put our relationship first. And when we have struggles, we talk about it. I no longer feel unattractive as I have opened up myself to having partners of both sexes. I don't get creeped out like I used to in my younger days when a girl sidles up to me in a bar restroom and tells me how pretty I am. I think, "ooooo, you're a hottie too!" and who knows what the night will hold after that? And when a young guy hottie shows interest, I can go there too. It's wonderful. My hang-ups are pretty much gone now, as I know how to please not only guys in bed but women too. And I'll never forget Haley telling me I have the "prettiest little pussy she'd ever seen". That just makes my day.

 

My vibrator and I give Mickey a show he'll never forget

"You're soooooo pretty!!" Mickey cooed into the phone to me, gazing at me onscreen with somewhat sad puppy dog eyes. We were on yahoo messenger this morning, both on our webcams, and neither of us could stop smiling. It was so wonderful seeing his face again, after such a long time, and he clearly was happy to see mine as well.

The familiar chime on my iPhone woke me up about 3 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. "Hey", Mickey texted. We chatted off and on for about an hour while I got my kids off to school. Happily he said, "want to get on webcam?" and I decided right then and there that this offer was better than my plans to hit the gym, so I said, "Sure! Gimme 10 minutes. I want to look good for you." I turned on my curling iron and put on a little bit of makeup, found a sexy red lacy nightgown that showed off my breasts (Mickey's favorites) and I was online.

The minute I saw his face I started smiling. He was smiling too. It was wonderful. Like no time had passed. He looked as hot as ever, his long black hair all disheveled around his face, his lip ring dangling ever so teasingly, his full-sleeve tattoos so colorful and sexy. He was wearing a black T-shirt, and I was just salivating. Then he moved his laptop so I could see better--and he had his cock and balls peeking out from his underwear, these "tighty-whitey" undies in green and blue. I was shocked and laughed and wrote, "very hot!" He laughed and tucked them back in.

We wrote to each other as we gazed nervously at each other. I suggested Skype since on that webcam you can talk to each other. I told him I wanted to hear his voice. He couldn't remember his Skype name (yay, means he hasn't been using it with some other girl). I saw him pick up his phone, and I was tempted to write, 'who are you calling?" cuz that's really bad ettiquette--to be on webcam and call someone else. I was miffed instantly, until I heard his song, "Mickey" by Toni Basil start playing. He was calling ME!! haha (joke was on me!) I looked at my phone and sure enough, there was his face, the pic I'd chosen, and his name.

I answered in my best Lauren Bacall voice, a husky, "hey you", and he sounded just as sexy back. It was so wonderful, hearing his voice again. I told him so. He said all the right things again, just as always. After a few minutes he pulled out his cock again and started touching himself. He said, "show me those beautiful tits of yours", so I pulled down the red straps to my nightgown and gave him a little glimpse. Teasing him. He rubbed himself watching and yeah, I was getting very turned on! The whole time this was going on, he was talking to me, telling me how much he wanted me to come see him. He said, "I'm off work on Mondays and Tuesdays, and if you come then I'll get to spend the whole night with you." I smiled inside and out and said I'd see what I could do. Hubby travels a lot with work and the kids have school weekdays so not sure but I'd see what I could arrange. He told me, "Just give me a date." I said I'd let him know. I told him I hadn't bought a plane ticket yet so I'd check and see what I could do.

He also told me he was in trouble of being fired. That poor guy has issues, for sure, but he's always been a good worker. He's had this job like 6 years, so I asked him what's going on. He said, "they're douchebags!" and didn't want to talk about it. I let it go. He just wanted to focus on me.

He kept asking me, "when are you coming here?" lol then I broached the subject that was lingering in the air---what about his GIRLFRIEND?!?! He said, "let's not go there right now", so I laughed and said, "ok". I said, "I know you're not in love with her. You told me so." He said, "you're right, I'm not." I said, 'You're in love with me!" Now he has NEVER used the "L" word with me, and no, he didn't, but he did say, "yeah, that's it", so that made me happy! He said he wants to come visit me and plans to. He said, "I just might move in with you." I said, "really???" ecstatically and he said, "yeah, and it might be soon if they fire me." I said, "don't tease me!" which made him laugh. He was obviously in pain and in his own weird way was reaching out for sympathy, to be understood and heard. He knows I will give it to him.

He asked to see more of me, and I obliged. He was very complimentary and kept gently telling me what he wanted me to do, and what he wanted to do to me when I come to visit. He also asked where my hubby was several times, and that sometime he wanted to watch us both having sex. I told him, 'sure! that would be fun!" Since he has seen it in person I'm sure he'd like to watch us again. He said he wants to DP me with my hubby. I've never done that with anyone, not really crazy about the idea but said for him I'd try it. I trust them both to be gentle and to stop if I asked them to. So, WTF, I told him yeah, that would be ok. It was all fantasy right now anyway. Then he slipped off his undies and was just in his T-shirt. I said, 'Take off your T-shirt!" and he refused! I was like, WTF? Ok whatever! I said I want to see your chest. I love all your tats, I want to see them. He giggled and said, 'no, I've gained a few pounds", so I respected that. LOL Even though I couldn't see a trace of fat anywhere. He looked the same to me.

He asked if I had any toys. Yep of course I do! I told him, and went to get a vibrator. I grabbed the first one I found, and the batteries were dead LOL and we both laughed. I used it anyway, and he said he wanted to watch me come. And of course, since we were on the phone together, he heard all my heavy breathing and panting, and he stroked his cock harder and harder as I got more and more excited. Which I did for him, right there on camera. I've never done THAT before for anybody! It was so exciting. OMG I was splayed out on my bed, legs spread, back arched and stroking myself with a purple vibrator and watching him stroking his cock, watching me, holding the phone with his other hand, and that gaze in his eyes, very sexy. Since the batteries were dead I had to work that thing back and forth but it worked, I had a huge orgasm right there on camera for my Mickey. He loved it. I was a bit embarrassed afterward but he thanked me and kept telling me how much he loved it and couldn't wait to be with me.

After a few more minutes, he said he had to go. I said I did too, and I blew him a kiss onscreen for him and said goodbye. He was looking right at me and smiled, and gave me a "bye" in that sexy, breathy voice of his.  I don't know if the GF came in the room or what. After I clicked "off", I could still see him onscreen, and he kept stroking his cock for about a minute then turned off the camera. He didn't come, and that was disappointing, but oh well. It was still awesome.

I can't believe what that boy does to me. I'm old enough to be his mom, AND his girlfriend's mom. He's 27 and she's 20. But he doesn't see me that way. I'm a woman, a REAL woman, and he knows I'm crazy about him.

I think I'm going to be smiling a lot today.

time for a little contemplation...

Hello readers!!!  I welcome new readers and cherish my daily followers. I love to read your blogs as well and I always welcome your comments.

Since my hubby and I started this lifestyle, one of the things that's been the hardest is the secret factor. We have found we live in a sort of sexy bubble, and that very few people we've allowed inside. Friends we've told are usually in the lifestyle too, which is always a relief to be able to share this part of ourselves. We have told NO family, and honestly, with the exceptions of our lovers, only 5 people know. My two best GF's in the whole world and my hubby's best guy buddy he's known for over 20 years. And one other couple who we aren't intimate with (yet--wink wink). That's it. It's a very small circle.

Keeping this a secret can be challenging, especially with my cell phone. Even if it's on vibrate (ooohh) my kids have a knack for picking it up and saying, "mommy! Whos' Mickey?" and further, "who is 555-1212 and why do they keep calling you?" I have to be VERY careful.

Our worst fear, of course, isn't that the kids find out, it's that they suspect one of us is cheating on the other. We do agree that would be worse.

So--why don't we tell them??

We have been doing our research on that very subject. There is a great book we both just read tackling that subject--it's called "Love You Two" by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. It's a great work of fiction--the first of its kind actually, about a teenage daughter who stumbles across her mother's diary and finds out she has a male lover who is accepted by the father. It's a story of a teenage daughter's shock and hurt and confusion over this new information and how she deals with it. If affects her relationship with her mother of course. My biggest problem with the book is the father is rarely mentioned. He is just a silent, nodding-in-affirmation character with no voice. He never sits down and talks to her about his involvement or how it feels for him, and she doesn't really show any need to discuss it with him. All her emotion is directed at her mother. It is a good book in the way that I think her reactions are typical of what a teenager would do and feel.

We think our youngest would do fine. She's young enough, and she's actually said some interesting things to me from time to time that make me wonder if she somehow, on some level, already knows. For instance, we were at the beach a few weeks ago, and we were talking about her big brother (who's 16) and all the cute girls on the beach he'd like if he were with us. She said, "You should find a boyfriend Mommy!" I was like, "WTF??" So I said, "I'm married to your daddy sweetheart! I can't have a boyfriend too!" and she said, "Why not? You're hot and I see them stare at you!" OMG this came from my twelve-year-old!! I was perplexed. It would've been a perfect opportunity to tell her....only I was completely unprepared.

My Internet research has affirmed that the younger they find out, the easier it is for them to accept it. BUT--once they're in their teens, it really can be harmful and destructive. Emphasis on "can be"---all kids are different. It's something we think about all the time. In the meantime, we are just very careful.

When Mickey first came into our lives, our kids were very small. Our oldest was 8 and the youngest was 4. They went to bed at 10 and what we did after hours they didn't think to question. Weekend trips away? Yay! Fun with Grandma! It's so different now that they're older--they ask more questions--where did we go, who did we see? We have a great relationship with our kids--we are more open and honest with sex and we talk about everything--except our own sex lives.

Readers? I'm appealing to you. Those of you in the lifestyle with kids--how do you handle everything? Have you told your children, your parents, siblings, co-workers? Reactions? I'd really love to know.

Have a great day.
Love,
Anna XOXO

It's been a strange week.....

That's for sure. Mickey's back, and Nico's gone AWOL.  Unless I contact him first, I don't hear from him. He had a date this week so guess his car is working--which makes me assume he's not interested anymore. He had said that nothing could keep him from me except the car not running...so I'm still holding out hope he'll text me tomorrow and say he's still coming on Saturday, but at this point, I haven't heard from him all week except the one time I texted him. --sigh--I'm very sad, this was a good guy, I still really like him. A lot. Oh well. :`/

Mickey has contacted me every single day this week but yesterday! He writes me in the wee hours of the morning when he gets home from work and he stays up till about 8 am his time and then says "goodnight" and then logs off and it's another 24 hours till I hear from him again. He got on his webcam! Mine wasn't working for whatever stupid reason--but I could see him! OMG I haven't seen his face since August 9th last year when he came to visit. He looks as hot and sexy as always. His hair is short, but not as short as I'd imagined (like a buzz-cut). I was longish around his face, jet-black and he looked really really cute. That disarming smile. Soooo wicked. Dimples and perfectly white and straight teeth. I think all the time about posting a pic of him on here so you could all see him. But--I can't do that. DAMN!!! Maybe some day I'll come out of the proverbial closet and post all my gorgeous men and ladies on here!

Anyway--tee hee--I got sidetracked there for a second---nothing really erotic happened except Mickey was in these boxers he was proud to show off to me--and then took his penis out and flipped it around for me, laughing and being silly the whole time. It was erotic and hilarious at the same time. Then he just pushed it back in his boxers and sat back down on the couch. It was fun. I love that side of him, the silly, mischievous kid. We just chatted then about nothing I can remember--it was just so nice seeing his face again after almost a year.

He told me he was living with his girlfriend, but had JUST broken up with her. He said, and I quote, "so you can come see me now." Yes, he actually said that. Then I said, "or you come here? I'll let you drive my car!" For you new readers, he loves loves loves my car. (I can't tell you what it is. I have to stay anonymous or I'll have to stop writing.)  He said, "I WILL see you again." yay! I love that I'm first on his mind again. For now.

He's so far away, and I'm lonely and horny now, and I'm frustrated with all these guys who tell me how "hot" I am but just fade away after a few days of texting and exchanging pictures. WTF?? Am I scaring them all away?? My hubby says it's cuz I'm married. They're afraid of The Husband. I guess I have to remember that it's unusual what we do and who we are, and most people think it's weird.

But the thing is, I'm honest and straightforward on my website and I never lie about being married, or that I'm in love with my husband. And that we are swingers, and that although we love threesomes we do allow each other "hall passes" as it were. The guys I talk to always say they don't care, that it doesn't matter, but when it comes time to pin them down for a date, they disappear. It gets so annoying.

I've got so many phone numbers in my cell now I get the guys mixed up. Seriously!! One night I thought I was writing Nico and I was writing a guy I didn't want to have anything to do with. His profile pic was hot but then when we started texting he sent a pic that I didn't care for at all. This happens ALL THE TIME.  VERY ANNOYING!!!! Anyway, I'd say that at any given moment, I've got about 3-5 guys I'm trying out to see if any of them are willing to follow through on their promises.

I'm very picky about who I sleep with. I'm not a sex addict. I'm a love addict. I love the attention, I love the compliments and I love knowing that they're thinking about me. I love knowing that I'm wanted and sought after. When the texts stop coming, it's painful for me and hard for me to just switch it off. I don't give just anyone my number--I get about 25 new messages a day and believe me, I hardly ever write anybody back. So when I do, I mean business. I will show up and sleep with them--if they'd fucking show up!!!!

I'm very tired and sad about Nico's apparent change of heart right now. My hubby has also been out of town for nearly a week and I am lonely and exhausted from work. Nico's been stringing me along for going-on  3 weeks now with the whole  car not working bit and I know I will be sooo sad and disappointed if he doesn't write me tomorrow and tell me he's coming to see me. I will be trying my damndest not to write him first. I'm sure I'll fail at it.

I guess that's it for now.

Bleh.

My Not-So-Hot Valentine Virginity Story

It's Valentine's Day, and tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I lost my virginity at age 20.  I got to reminiscing, and although the lucky fellow was only in my life for a few brief months, I can't forget him, even if I wanted to. A girl never forgets the day she loses her virginity, whether it was a pleasant experience or not. The day after V-Day I always think about that day, many many years and men ago. I feel both giddy and wistful.

I was a late bloomer---I really didn't become very attractive really until I hit my 40's. All during my childhood years I had unruly hair and glasses. By 6th grade, I did have a knockout body.  By high school, although flat irons hadn't yet been invented, I did learn how to properly blow-dry my unruly curls out straight. I had my first serious boyfriend, although we never got past 2nd base. It just didn't occur to us I guess. We graduated and went our separate ways, and by my second year in college, I had contacts but no social life. I was a serious student till I met Jesse.

I was working at a fast-food restaurant, and one of my co-workers, Glenda, was a blonde bombshell with an equally cute boyfriend named Frank. Frank came into the restaurant late at night often to hang out and wait for Glenda and the restaurant to close and drive her home.  Frank would often wink at me when Glenda wasn't looking, and it made me titillated and uncomfortable at the same time. Jesse was Frank's best buddy.

This was during the time period when "Rocky Horror Picture Show" was playing at midnight in all the theaters. Frank worked in one of the local theaters, and one night, after work, he drove me and Glenda to the theater to see the midnight showing. Waiting for us there was his friend Jesse. We hit it off immediately, and I guess we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

After a few weeks of dating, which included heavy petting at drive-in movies (we ditched the theaters), it was Valentine's Day. I don't remember why he couldn't see me ON Valentine's Day, but we got together the day after. I went to his house; I think he lived with his dad, I don't remember, but we were alone. He took out a joint, and although I was quite a prude at the time, I didn't want him to know it, so when he passed it to me, I took a hit off it. It didn't take much to make me high. One thing led to another, and all our clothes were off. He was so good-looking---think Erik Estrada in his hey-day (which was during this time period!)

All I remember is, it went in. Yep, slid right in. It hurt, I bled a little, but it went in. We did it exactly once, and he broke my heart and broke up with me the following week. I sobbed for days, then realized at least he'd given me the gift of breaking my hymen so I was able to FINALLY, at age 20, wear tampons!!

I think back to that moment, so long ago, and how it affected my future sexual relationships. I don't think it has a thing to do with how I've ended up a swinger/polyamorist, although I do remember something very hot that happened with Frank and Glenda one night. Glenda had taken me along on a family camping trip one hot summer weekend, and we shared a tent, just the two of us girls. Unbeknownst to her parents, Frank snuck in and visited us one night. It was a beautiful summer night, the dark sky filled with stars, and everyone was quiet in their tents. We sat by our small campfire talking for awhile, then went into our tent. It was a very small tent. I crawled into my sleeping bag, and Glenda and Frank were in her sleeping bag. As I tried to fall asleep, I heard them whispering, but left them alone. Like I said, it was a very small tent. They were within touching distance, had it occurred to me. It wasn't long till I heard very heavy breathing, and soft moans. I was shocked and aroused, laying there in the dark, facing away from them. Wide-eyed and horny, I heard my friends fucking and wanted desperately to watch. Although it was dark, I'm sure I could've seen quite a bit given that the campground had some dim lighting. I laid there as still as a statue, and afterward, as soon as I was certain they'd fallen asleep, I masturbated, laying right next to them. It was by far the naughtiest thing I'd ever done.

Sure pales in comparison to the naughty things I've been up to ever since.

Do you have a loss of virginity story you want to share with me? You can write me at naughtyannahotwife@gmail.com. I'll keep it to myself; I'd just love to hear it.