Date #2 (technically speaking)

If you drove past me this morning as I was leaving James' apartment, you'd have seen a girl doing the "walk of shame", but one-up worse--I was in heels and it had snowed overnight. At least I wasn't in a dress (jeans whew). I clump-clump-clumped verrrryyy carefully to my snow-covered car, only to realize not only did I not have an ice scraper but I'd also gotten a $35 ticket. Of course the heels I was wearing were open-toed (it was honestly nice out last night! It had warmed up to 40!) so my toes were totally covered in snow and were frozen. I jumped in my car and started the engine, rolled down the passenger window first and brushed the snow off with my hand, and then did the same with the driver's side window.

And the whole while, I was grinning. I was enjoying my predicament to the fullest. I think I even giggled out loud a couple times. Here I am, this mature older woman, a mother, MARRIED, ...and I'm just leaving another man's apartment. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I picked him up and we went to a restaurant here that's a super famous Middle-Eastern place with hookahs. I couldn't tell him that I remember when my teenage daughter asked for money from me to go there once a couple years ago and I read her the riot act. I had never "hookah'd" and it sounded dumb and a waste of money, and something like getting high.

And here I was hehehe

The hostess asked "booth or table?" and James said, "booth please" and she led us to the very last booth in the back of the restaurant! I asked him, "where should I sit?" and he patted the seat and said, "right here beautiful" and I said, "so we can make out?" and he smiled and said, "of course!" And that's what we did. Walking to our table I saw these weird things on everyone's table--I'd say it looks similar to a small bagpipe, and there was someone at each table sucking on one end of it and puffing the vapor out, some quite talented making little circles. I felt like I was in a strange and exotic land.

I ordered a lemon drop martini, and he said he'd try one too, and then we had to order what flavor of hookah. Seems there's an entire menu devoted to just hookah flavors! We chose "Gummy Bear", and next thing I knew, a young guy full of tattoos calmly walks over to our table , sucking on our "bagpipe" thingy and exhales a stream of vapor. I was like, hmmm, that doesn't look sanitary LOL and sure enough, he set the thing up on on our table and took off his mouthpiece and gave us two new ones that were wrapped in cellophane.

I wasn't sure what to expect, and James was having fun describing what the high was going to be like, and kept asking me if I "felt" anything. I said, "it's hard to discern bc I'm on my second martini!" LOL We ordered appetizers--lamb sliders for him (I don't eat most meat) and something we giggled about called "Shawarma" French fries. We both barely ate, we were either having a very lively conversation or making out! It was so so so fun. If I die today I will die a very happy woman.

He's so damn good looking, those blue eyes and hair longer than mine, scruffy beard and he's just as smart. He's a double-major--pre-law and political science and politically active, but not like a Trumper or anything. He isn't even Republican. He's Independent and we agree on just about everything politically which is such a breath of fresh air. The most amazing thing about him isn't his looks tho, he's just as positive a person as I am. NO depressed guy here. He walks on the sunny side of the street just like I do. He's just good vibes all around. And he isn't stingy with the compliments! Which I live for. His nickname for me is "sweet-thing" but he usually calls me "beautiful". I don't know if he even knows my name LOL now that I think of it I don't think he's ever called me by my name! But I haven't either now that I think of it.....hmmm curious!

We talked about everything, and he told me his uncle actually is transgender and is now his aunt, and his grandma is gay! He said she always was but was afraid to come out until his uncle (now aunt) went through his transition. He was an "oops" baby too and raised by his grandparents. So he's had an interesting childhood, and he's very open-minded.

Dinner was just fabulous and I don't mean the food. We barely ate. I paid (I knew he couldn't afford it on his college income LOL) and he said he wanted to take me to the bar we met at (insert heart emoji here). He said he'd get the tab there. I said "deal!" It WAS a nice evening and we walked there. When we got there it was totally packed with young people all wearing team shirts and watching the game on a gigantic screen. He asked me what I wanted--grey goose and diet sprite, and he had grey goose and Red Bull. He asked if I'd do a shot with him and said yeah! He got us both one, it's called something like "rumple mint" and it left our breath fresh and minty so we had to kiss some more! It was so fun being in a bar like that with him. And trust me, I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb bc I was the only one not wearing green. But no one stared. I love the big city, I don't get bullied or stared at for the provocative way I dress. And I'm with a guy nearly half my age! But nobody cares. It's so awesome.

We drank and we talked more, kissed more, smiled constantly (I love his direct eye contact and his eyes are always smiling....just like him). I loved how he remembered things I had told him and he asked a lot of questions this time to really get to know me. I loved it. And I loved how he told me about these friends of his he wants me to meet, and told me how he's told several of them about me! I hope he finds me special! I really don't know how he feels but it's moving at a really nice, healthy pace. I'm cautious and trying really hard not to get smitten.

Finally we decided to go. On the way out, I saw that they had a backdrop so I said excitedly, "let's have someone take our picture! Would that be ok??" and he said "yeah!!!" so I asked a waiter that was walking past me and he said "sure!" After he took it he asked to see it and then asked me to send it to him.

And he LITERALLY JUST TEXTED ME AS I'M WRITING THIS, "DAMN WE LOOK GOOD IN THIS PIC!' and he asked how much the ticket is for.

HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI ETC. ETC. ETC.

Finally we decided to go and do more than make out in public!! I parked across the street (BTW I asked him if he'd like to drive my sports car but he doesn't know how to drive stick! And he thinks it's sexy that I do! I felt lucky to get a spot at all.  Like the gentleman he always is, he held my hand up the stairs.

I lit a candle I had brought him (OMG he only has one light and it's like fucking daylight and I don't do sex in daylight if I can avoid it LOL) and it was perfect. We immediately started kissing and taking our clothes off just like they do in the movies---practically tearing them off. And my favorite thing he does is pick me up and carry me to the bed. It's so romantic and sexy. He's only got a twin bed LOL so there's not a lot of room but we made the best of it. I wanted to make sure he would lick my pussy bc he didn't the last two dates, so at one point after lots of fucking, I straddled him and just put my pussy in his mouth! Thank God he licked it and it was awesome.

We got tired after a couple hours of fucking (neither of us came) and fell asleep in each other's arms for about two hours. One of us woke up and we just started touching each other and pretty soon he was at full salute and we were fucking again! I love love love love love that and that's why I love spending the night bc I love that dreamy state you're in when you've been asleep and wake up horny for each other! We fucked and fucked but we got tired again and this time we mutually masturbated and I came first, which made him so super turned on, and I told him, "let me know when you're going to cum I'll swallow!" so he did, and I did, and I said 'mmm delicious!" as I melted back into his arms.

I had trouble falling asleep; I'm not used to touching someone while I sleep but I honestly didn't care. I loved being touched by him; he sought ME out all night long. When we'd change position, he'd put his hand on my hip, or put his arm around me and draw me in. Very romantic guy. He's very affectionate.

I was tired but really couldn't sleep. I laid there listening to his nice slow breathing, and once or twice look up at him and watch him sleep. He's so beautiful. The sun was coming up and I could hear other people in the building opening and closing doors and talking, and knew I should leave before I overstayed my welcome.

I loved being in his arms. I feel safe and loved. He opened his eyes and we said good morning and kissed, and I was hoping for another round of fucking but something told me to get going.

It was the sound of scraping---the unmistakable sound of someone shoveling snow.

FUCK! SNOW?!?!?!?!

James said, "yep it must've snowed!" I got up on my knees to look out the window an sure enough, it was a winter wonderland. I couldn't see my car and just saw an empty space where a car used to be and panicked my car had gotten towed. While I was pondering my predicament calmly, James was drinking up looking at my naked body and put his hands on my breasts lovingly and squeezed them. I said, "ooo another round??" and he said something, "I'm gonna save that for next time". I said, "good idea I gotta make sure my car is still there!!!" We laughed and went back under the covers and just snuggled. We both started to fall asleep again and I said, "I don't wanna but I gotta get going!"

I found my clothes scattered all over his floor, and as I was putting on the lingerie-type top I had on he was fascinated with it and was telling me how much he loved it and how good it looked on me! How "great" I always look, I've got "great style" and then he made a joke about our dry cleaner (he thinks it's just amazing we have pick-up and delivery service"). It was cute.

I sat on the edge of the bed to put my heels on and commented it wasn't a great choice for walking in the snow. He laughed and said what I was thinking which was we had no idea it was going to snow and it was really nice out last night!

I gave him a kiss, and he returned it with a deep juicy one, and we said goodbye.

And me and my heels did the walk of shame to my car.

Smiling.

Ready for some summer sex!

Hello sexy readers!

I haven't had much to write about lately. Ever since Blondie moved on, I haven't had much luck at all. Every time a hottie gets interested lately, they seem to have the same problem I believe Blondie did, which is, I'm married. It appears to be very hard for guys to accept that a hot married girl's husband isn't going to come after them with a shotgun. If I were to lie and say I was divorced, or separated, I wouldn't keep getting shot down (no pun intended!! LOL)

Every time I think, FUCK, there goes another hottie, I just want to scream. There was a super hot high school history teacher I'll call Joe, first year out of college. Twenty-four. He was a "10" for sure. Snapchatting me 24/7. We texted constantly. And then came the question: "how is it someone so gorgeous is actually single??" And whatever answer I gave was insufficient, and he's now ghosting me. He looks at every single snapchat story I post so he's still interested, or curious, or bored, but he hasn't responded to my last 3 texts. Why do guys need me to be single?? It's not like he or any of his young co-horts are looking for wives. What does it matter??!! It's like there's nothing I can say that reassures them sufficiently.

I decided that I'm not going to stoop to lying. It's just not in me. I'm a horrible liar. I'm good at exaggerating the truth LOL but I can't lie. I really can't. I would forget who I told what to, and I know how devastating it feels to be lied to, and I don't want to get involved with someone and then have to say, "there's something I need to tell you." So I will just keep being be, and "ME" is married. I'm not cheating. If you don't know what an "open relationship" is ask me. Or Google it, but it means different things to different people.

That being said, "F" is back! I can't remember if I have written about him on here recently, but yeah, he's back. We haven't gotten together yet  (he's still with his girlfriend!!) but true to F form, he gets bored eventually and comes back to me. And then strange thing is, I'm not sure I really care either way. He broke my heart. It was very hard getting over him. And of course my fling with Blondie helped heal that quickly. I was so happy with Blondie, "F who??!!" And then when that ended, I still didn't think of F anymore. I realized I was over him when he came back.

Things are escalating quickly. He is Snapchatting me 3-5 times a day now, which is unbelievable. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm flattered and intrigued. The last I sent him was a very sexy pic of me in black lingerie (F LOVES me in lingerie) and a caption that said, "I heard it's someone's birthday". Then another sexy pic,  with a caption I wrote that said, "I have a present for you." He sent a pic back immediately, a selfie of him in his car with that mega-watt smile and a caption that said, "tomorrow!" So who knows? Maybe we'll meet up soon. I will most definitely see him, but I know better than to get my heart involved again. He's too young--fuck he's 21 today!!! Younger than my SON!!!! And he will always have a "thing" for me, but like Blondie, will always want a girlfriend--the socially acceptable girl they can plaster all over Facebook. It's all for show.

I try not to make it a habit of looking at Blondie's FB bc it makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't help myself. I'm looking for the elimination of the "relationship with (new chick)" off his page. It's still there. And in my cynicism and heartache, I've spent way too much time analyzing their relationship. They fucking look like brother and sister. Fucking twins. Yin to each other's yang. I can't stand it. And then I get annoyed and think, "I'm done. I'm over you." And then I go and look at the app that tells me who's secretly stalking my FB and the previous man who was once my #1 is now way down to number #154. He's NOT thinking about me. Not right now anyways, and I have to move on. And sometimes I just have to force myself to be grateful for what we had and know that I don't regret a thing. Except not seeing the signs that he was struggling with me being married. I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to let it interfere. But it was there.

I do hope he will boomerang. I think that once you have that strong a connection with someone, that feeling never goes away. That all you have to do is think about that person, and BOOM it's there. Idk for all I know, by the time it happens, if it does, I won't feel the same way anymore. I got over F. I may get over Blondie too.

But he still has one of my earrings. A very nice pair that I thought would be super sexy laying on his dresser. I keep hoping the new chick finds it and he has to think about how it got there. And then, like he told me he did daily, jerk off thinking about me. And then maybe I'll get a text from him. Or he'll add me back on Snapchat.

I really must find someone new.

********

If you are a regular reader of my Twitter, you'll know that I recently had a little work done! I had surgery 2 weeks ago, and I'm still in the recovery process and have some residual swelling in my face. I don't want to talk about it other than to say, "LOOK OUT WORLD! ANNA'S BACK!!" I am super happy with the results so far; it's hard to know how it will look when the swelling goes down more but I've been told by a few friends that I look the same, only a much younger version of myself. I'm super excited for that. 

It's going to be a great summer!!!

Jordan's midnight visit

Well hello dear sexy readers! Sorry you haven't heard from me in a couple weeks. I had a bad cold and lost my voice so no podcasting recording. I missed  day of work too, and had to put my beautiful cat down (he was 13, lived a good life) so had a pretty shitty week. The weather has been mostly shitty too, which was good hahaha so I didn't feel I was missing out on anything!

I haven't had any juicy stories to tell--I know you didn't get to hear about Jordan's last visit so I will share that with you today. It's weird, it's like, now that he's been here 3 times, I'm feeling a little protective and weird sharing too much. It's like he's gone beyond just being a FWB and is more of a friend now, but it's ok if I write about him cuz he doesn't know I'm writing about him LOL and knowing him he's be pleased if he knew. (his ego is even bigger than mine).

My hubby was out of town and gave me permission to have my sexy lover come see me. He lives over an hour away, and said he loves the drive to my house. He said his dick gets hard the minute he gets in the shower knowing he's coming over, and it's hard the whole drive here (hehehee love it!!!)

Because it was cold out, I had him come through the garage. It was pitch black and I couldn't really see him LOL so I opened the blinds by the side door. OH!! I forgot to mention, it was around midnight. He had to work so he came after.

We were giggling as I pulled the drawstring on the blinds open to let in light from the outdoor bulb. I could see his happy face and big grin! We grabbed each other and pulled each other thisclose and started making out. Damn that guy is fucking sexy. He's got over 2000 followers on his Instagram, mostly female groupies that would give anything to be the girl standing in this garage making out with him, but he chooses ME!!!!! I still can't believe it. Every time he shows up I'm flabbergasted.

I finally led him by the hand into the house, and he took off his shoes by the doorway. Holding his hand, we chatted as we went upstairs to my bedroom. Once there, we just stripped down to nothing and went at it. We were like hungry wolves for each other.

I always take down his "man bun". His hair is down to his waist, and it's so soft and sexy. He is so fucking sexy. I honestly can't get enough of him. He's so small, and so am I, and we fit so well together. One thing I like about him is he loves to go down on me!!!! Fuck so many of these young guys either don't like it or don't know what to do down there or don't stay down there long enough. I tell you, my hubby should give most of these guys lessons!!! (oooo wouldn't THAT be fun???!!!) Jordan is the exception. I would love to get a pic of his face buried in my pussy. I take a handful of his hair and tease my nipples with it while he licks me. I can't help but giggle while I'm doing it, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. 

I love the way Jordan purred to me, "I don't "have sex" hon. I "make love". Mmmmmmm yummy. I love his small waist and his big dick. I love slurping it and licking his balls (completely manscaped, thank you Jordan!!!) and he is able to not-come so quickly it's over before it starts. He really is a great lover. I love going down on him; he's sooo appreciative. He grabs a hold of my hair as well and pulls on it just-so-tightly.

When I finally climbed on top of him, I could tell he wanted to get rough. He had one hand on my throat and it was so exciting. He held back though, but next time I'd love it to get rougher. I want to be black and blue! He just loves fucking me. We flipped each other over so many times and so many different positions, but what I love the most is realizing he never doggy-styles me. And I never really thought about it much till days after; I saw something online about how doggy-style is really so impersonal. No face-to-face with it. And interesting we've never done it that way! Which means....he likes being able to see my face!!! (yay!!!!) I love being on top, and he's so small I can put my whole arm around his waist and pull him close while I fuck him. God I'm getting so turned on writing this!!!! 

Finally he was on top, and I will never get that image out of my head (and hope to God I never do!!!) He had one hand on my hip, pulling me as close to him as he could, and the other on my throat. His beautiful, waterfall-blonde hair draped to one side and tickling my right breast, his head back in ecstasy. HOLY FUCK THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SEX GOD IN MY BED!!! I OWE YOU BIG TIME!!!! And we never use a condom. And we are both clean. Yay!!!

And here's the best part dear readers (if you're still reading this far, bless you!) HE SPENT THE NIGHT. No other guy has ever spent the night with me. And we've had an open marriage for 13 years or so. It's always a quickie, an hour or more here and there, but never overnight.

I SO wanted to have sex again with him in the morning, and a couple times I gently stroked his arm, his back, to see if he'd respond. He seemed totally sound asleep. It was soooo weird seeing another man in my husband's spot. I stared at him, just stared. I really couldn't believe he was still there. It felt good and strange all at the same time. It's really true how being with someone else is so enjoyable, but then I just miss my hubby so damned much. I felt ready to swap him out. LOL

So we didn't have sex, he didn't seem interested, but I had to rush him out. My daughter was home and I had to get her up and out for school. I couldn't let her accidentally see him, so by the time I got him awakened, there was no time. If I could've hidden his car (or thought ahead to move it down the street!) he could've stayed. I did have to work at 9 so there wouldn't have been much time, but I would've been late just to get one more fuck from him.

As he got dressed, again, I'm just staring at his smoking hot body. As he pulled his black skinny jeans on, I asked him, "what size are you?" he said, "Zero." YEAH. ZERO FOLKS. My skinny rocker boy. I drooled watching him dress and put that glorious hair back in a rubberband. 

I put on the sexy bra and panties I'd worn for him the night before back on, and had brushed my teeth before I woke him. We walked downstairs together; it was 6:15 am. He was sleepy and sexy. At the door we hugged and kissed and said our goodbyes. It's always bittersweet when a lover leaves; I think, "that was so awesome. And I'll never see him again." And when I do it's even sweeter.

And I dreamed that night that he got me pregnant. Oh maybe it's wishful thinking, cuz I know he's got a kid and wants another. And his baby mommy is such a bitch and I'd be the opposite. I told him about my dream via text and he didn't respond. :( sad face

LOL I probably scared him.

The amazing thing about seeing him again was, the last time we were together was October! He'd been seeing someone seriously, and that's why we hadn't seen each other. She'd dumped him, and he told me all about it. He was really devastated. He wants a relationship SO badly. I told him all about "F" and we commiserated with each other. I feel like we're becoming really good friends. And I love that I have no jealousies, in fact I EXPECT never to see him again every time after we are together. It's truly wonderful.

Yum.

Slut level goes up--second new hottie in one week!

From the moment our eyes locked as I took his coat from him, I knew Adam would be spending the night with me. He was better looking in person than his profile pic--yay! and he just had an easy smile and comfort in his own skin that was making my heart beat faster. I couldn't wait to be taking off his pants instead.

                                                          

                                                                 *****************

Every time someone new had come to the door for our pre-New Year's Eve party my heart leapt--my new hottie Adam was coming! We hadn't even met yet but I had invited him anyway. What a brazen slutty thing to do! My hubby was fine with it--he was excited too to see who I had chosen for my new sex partner. Hew knew he would be young and fit and very good looking; I tend to be extremely picky and will go for long periods of abstinence (with guys other than my hubby) if I don't meet anyone who meets my standards.

I had found Adam on the dating website; his sexy physique and handsome face caught my attention amidst the hundreds of pics and emails I get on a weekly basis. He was tall and had glasses (I love a sexy dork!), lots of tattoos, slender and a pretty-boy face.  24 years old. His message was simple and sweet-"Hey beautiful, how are you today?" I responded, "Better now that I got this email from you!" and gave him my phone number. He texted me right away. We clicked immediately and I felt at ease with him. He was just the right amount of flirtatious and sweet, not at all creepy. (I can tell creepy from texting, yes). In other words, he seemed interested in me-the-person, not just someone to fuck and forget.

We had an intimate group of friends from my work, mostly 20-somethings and I hoped he'd fit right in. I was actually surprised he said he'd come to the party--he didn't know anyone, barely even me. What a great attitude! I was impressed. I do like a little bit of arrogance, I think it's sexy to have that much confidence.

He had let himself in as most of the guests had; it was snowing out and we didn't want anyone standing on the porch freezing while they waited for someone to open the door. Every time I heard the door close, I'd run over to greet my guests, take their coats, and get them something to drink. I was so excited to meet him.  When he was actually standing there, I didn't hesitate to clip-clop over in my stilettos to greet him. With a big smile and eager eyes, the chemistry between us was instantaneous, and I knew the evening would end with us naked together.

It was awkward at first, but the sexual tension is always fun. I love the anticipation; and it was only around 8:30 and the party was just getting going. There were about 15 people, and I played the good hostess, making sure the food was attractive and available and everyone had a drink in their hand. My hubby had made a cool music playlist that was just perfect. Everyone seemed to stay in the kitchen and I was happy seeing everyone laughing and enjoying themselves. Especially my hubby, who had to put up with my new boytoy and the discomfort and erotic tension having him in our house, among our friends. Only one person other than my hubby knew who he really was; everyone else thought he was just a groupie that we'd met at one of our shows. I don't really have groupies, but Adam said he'd be happy to tell people that's how we met. Being a singer in a rock band allows me to have friends like Adam and not have people bat their eyes for a second.

He seemed to be getting along well with a couple of other young guys, so I pretty much left him alone so it wouldn't be obvious we knew each other well; as if I had brought him so he could meet one of the pretty young girls there. Hahaha, no, he was mine, all mine. And he behaved himself so well. I never saw him flirting or even talking to anyone other than guys the whole night, and he only had one beer. I did enjoy teasing him and teasing myself; as my intake of martinis rose, I got braver and friskier. He was leaning against the granite island in my kitchen, and I walked up to him and pressed my pelvis against his, holding my martini. He looked at me with a sly grin, and I asked him, "How are you doing?" "Fine!" he answered, and put his hand on my hip. I was smiling and said, "Good! I'm glad!" and pulled away from him. Mmm I was already getting wet for him. I couldn't wait for everyone to leave so I could take him upstairs and take our clothes off. I sidled up to my hubby after that to check and make sure he was okay too. A sexy gleam in his eye, a grab and a kiss, and he whispered in my ear, "Let's get rid of everyone so you can have your boytoy." Great idea!

By about 2:00 am, our party had dwindled to a small group of about 5 really fun, mostly drunk friends. One was sober and the designated driver, so they all finally left. Only me, my hubby and Adam, and  one other person was still hanging out, my boss. The one I play tennis with occasionally and have had a crush on. He was way beyond inebriated, so my hubby made up a spot on the couch for him. I was so focused on getting Adam upstairs I actually forgot he was there. I was tipsy myself but not drunk. Just happy tipsy, the best kind.

I took Adam by the hand and led him upstairs to the guest bedroom. It's a very pretty room I keep clean for guests--hee hee, usually the young, male kind! My hubby walked upstairs with us; he winked at me  and slapped me hard on my ass and told me to go fuck my new boyfriend. I smiled and said, "As you wish Master", and he went to our room to wait for me to finish with my new hottie.

Adam and I walked hand-in-hand to the guest room, and as soon as we got there, he started unbuttoning his black shirt. I only had on a tight dress, no zippers, so I just kicked off my stilettos and helped him. This is just about my favorite part. Off came the dress shirt, then the white T-shirt underneath, which revealed a smooth, bare chest with just a few sexy tattoos. Before I undid his belt, I wanted to touch his body. There was no rush. He began to kiss me and he was a great kisser. I slid my hands around his torso and pulled him close and grinded my hips to his, rubbing his growing erection with my pelvis.  He kissed me deeply and passionately; mmmm a prelude to the great sex I knew was about to happen.

As we kissed, I couldn't wait another second to let his cock out. I undid his belt, and rubbed his hard cock through his boxers. Mmmm I love to tease myself. He felt so good and as I rubbed him he kissed me and kissed me. He was great with his tongue; and I didn't realize it till then that he had a double tongue piercing. It was so sexy! I'd never kissed anyone who had their tongue pierced, and his was double-pierced, so it was double sexy. He was clearly enjoying himself and so was I.

I pulled his pants down mid-kiss, and he stepped out of them. It was time to get THIS party started! He walked over to the bed and laid down on his back. I slipped out of my dress to reveal a sexy leopard strapless bra and lavender lace boy-short panties. Admiring my new outfit, he smiled and pulled me onto him for some more pelvis grinding and deep kissing. I could kiss him all night and never get enough, I thought, as he undid my bra and tossed it to the floor. I was so wet and ready for him, but the anticipation was so much fun.

Finally I grabbed his boxers at the hips and pulled them off. His cock was at full salute and I was hungry for a taste. I started at his neck and kissed and nibbled and bit lightly, teasing him, while my body was grazing his throbbing cock. He was so ready for me.  Down his chest my tongue went, tasting his beautiful young body, down his tummy. I rubbed his cock with my hand while I tasted his sweet flesh, and made my way down to his testicles and sucked and licked them. He writhed in ecstasy; it was so gratifying to know I was pleasing him. His back was arched and his hips went up and down in pleasure as I sucked and licked his balls, then up to his dick. Mmmm he was delicious. I realized then that he wasn't that big--I actually could take his entire penis in my mouth and not gag. I liked it! After B with his 10 incher it was a pleasure to not have a plunger down my throat. I liked that he was smaller and I could really please him.

I then laid down next to him and our bodies were so warm against each other. It was erotic, knowing there was 2 feet of snow outside and we were sweating. He fingered me like a magician and I came so fast and hard. I love how I can relax now and let other guys make me cum. I remember when I couldn't and only my hubby was capable of bringing me to orgasm. Not anymore!  It was my new mission--to have an orgasm with every new lover. So far I was 3 for 3!

I'd had an entire evening of foreplay. Now it was time to fuck him. I leaned over to the nightstand where I'd brought a couple of condoms, and opened one up. I think this part is so sexy. I put it over his hard cock and he flipped me gently onto my back and fucked me so hard. He had this hard fucking move he called "the jackhammer" and it was just like it sounds. Hard, fast, and nonstop. Even though he was smaller, fucking still felt just as great.

I just love how these young guys can fuck and fuck and fuck for so long and not come. I got a text from my hubby--who was just down the hall remember--and he seemed upset. "Seems you're not coming back to me tonight huh?" I realized more than an hour and a half had passed! I texted him back, "Of course I am baby! He's not done with me yet." My hubby texted me back, "Well, make him cum. I'm tired of waiting." So I knew I had to wrap things up with him.

We changed positions quite a few times, and I've learned the 'money shot" seems to be doggie style. And guys always want it, so I showed him my ass and that's all it took. Crouched on all fours on the bed, he shoved his dick in my pussy and did his "jackhammer" move and I grabbed the comforter in my hands and moaned into it. It didn't hurt as badly as when Mr. Passionate or B fucked me doggie-style cuz he wasn't as large but it was a relief. It felt good without pain (although pain can be so pleasurable...) He must've fucked me that way for at least a half hour if not longer, but finally, he shot his load into me and laid on his back, his arm tucked around me.

I took off the condom for him and laid it on the nightstand. I wanted to fall asleep that way, protective and sweet and loving, but my hubby needed attention. We nuzzled and chatted a little; I apologized I couldn't spend the night with him, that my hubby wanted me, but if he'd like to spend the night I'd come back and fuck him in the morning. Our kids were at friends' houses overnight and wouldn't be back till afternoon. He said he though he was probably going to go home. We kissed and said our goodbyes and I let him know how much I enjoyed him and would definitely want him again. He agreed, and I left him laying there and went to my hubby. I felt exhilarated and sad.

My hubby was tucked under the covers, naked, his cock hard and ready. "I listened outside your room", he told me. "I heard you fucking him. It was so hot!" He fucked me for like 3 minutes and came so hard; he was so aroused he couldn't hold it back another second. It was awesome. I love it when he wants me that badly he can't stand it.

I heard Adam say, "Bye" as I saw a glimpse of him in the dark pass by our room. I wish he'd joined us for more. I wondered how he felt, sharing me the way he did. Well, he got me first, and he got the best of me, that's for sure.

My hubby and I fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. It was a GREAT party.
                                           
 BTW, Adam and I have a date for Thursday. My house, 1:00 o'clock in the afternoon.

I can't wait.

Mr. Passive earns a new nickname on our 2nd date!

I was getting so turned on waiting for Mr. Passive to come to my house and fuck me, I decided to play a little dress-up and take some pics of myself to send to him. I put on white stockings, a blue and white polka-dotted garter, matching bra and stilettos. Makeup and hair turned out sexy, I felt sexy, and started snapping away. (I will post a couple of these for you as soon as I can). A sexy pic of my stockinged legs. Sent to him in a text. 'I'm ready for you", I wrote. "Hot babe!" he answered, then, "I'm 10 minutes away." I sent him two more, just to tease him. He loved them. "Shit babe I'm trying to drive!" he LOL'd me. "I"m going to crash!" haha good. Just the effect I wanted.

I told him to park where he did last time--a spot just outside the first garage door of my house. In complete view of my nosy neighbor unfortunately, since there's really no other spot other than the cul de sac which is covered in snow at the moment. Fortunately, he always shows up in a nice suit, so if she ever got nosy, I'd just tell her the "truth"--he's our financial planner! (he IS one, just not ours....not yet anyway!)

I saw him drive up in his pretty blue Mercedes and my heart started pounding in my chest. I was glad we'd already gone through the whole meeting-in-public thing last time and brought him back here. He was familiar now, and I knew he was gentle and sweet, and very good in bed. I was practically panting when he came to the door, and as soon as we said our "hi's" and my dog checked him out and gave his approval, he just held me and kissed me. It wasn't a perfunctory "hello kiss", no, this was a very long, very sexy juicy kiss.  I was almost uncomfortable; I was used to guys who were more like "wham, bam thank you ma'am" than someone so tender. I kissed him passed the discomfort and realized how much I was enjoying kissing him. I couldn't help myself and grabbed him by his hips and pulled him as close to me as possible, feeling his growing erection on my groin.  I can't remember the last time anyone ever kissed me like that! Thinking about it later it reminded me of the first time a boy french kissed me at age 16 at a party; it seemed to go on forever but was so enjoyable I knew I never wanted to stop.

I'm sure I was the one who finally stopped the kiss--I wanted to get him upstairs and naked! I had put on a dress and blouse over my matching bra and garter set and wanted to strip for him. He knew what was on underneath because of the pics I'd sent and commented that he loved my strappy heels. He's short--probably 5'9"--but I'm tiny and only about 5'6"with heels so the kissing put our bodies in the perfect alignment.  I was ready for him and couldn''t wait another second.

We broke apart and giggled like teenagers, shy and embarrassed. Holding hands, I led him upstairs to the bedroom I share with my husband. He and I've been in this bed before, and I couldn't wait to have him again.

He took off his suit jacket and started loosening his tie. I love this part. The anticipation. I love undressing each other and stripping down. I helped him, and when he had his dress shirt and tie off, shoes and socks off, he coyly looked at me and said, "do the pants come off too?" I smiled and bit my lip and said, "oh yes!" and proceeded to unbuckle his belt, unzip his pants--my VERY favorite thing in the world to do--and slip his pants off. He had on a hilarious (to me) pair of undies--tighty camouflage ones and I cracked up. "Very cute!" I told him. He laughed too. He took off my blouse for me and I pulled my skirt off and revealed the sexy bra and garter belt for him. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me close to him and as he started to kiss me again, moaned, "very hot, girl!"

I loved kissing him, and I loved how he wasn't the grabby, "get to the action" kind of guy. He was sweet, and slow, and that's why I named him Mr. Passive. It's probably not a very good name anymore; I think I may call him Mr. Passionate instead. Because he is SO passionate. He seems to have sex more like making love than raw sex. It's soooo nice. I feel comfortable and safe with him, and always want more. And the best thing about kissing is it turns me on, like a light switch and I'm ready to go.

He laid on his back on my bed, stretched out and held out his arms like he owned the fucking thing. Did he even think about the fact that he was in another man's bed? With another man's wife? It sure didn't seem like he gave a fuck. And why should he? I was here. I had my husband's permission to have him here, in OUR bed. He was laid out like a fabulous piece of filet mignon at the butcher's--and I was buying the whole fucking cow. I was salivating at the sight of his small but hard muscular physique and those sparkling blue eyes staring at me. 

With garter belt and heels still on, I straddled him and grinded my vagina on his hard cock as I kissed him. He allowed me to do whatever I wanted, and goodnaturedly just laid there and let me take charge. I was so hungry I didn't know where to begin! I loved the way he watched everything I did; I took my mouth off his lips and nibbled his neck, which he seemed to really respond to. His hips started rocking under me and I was so wet already I could've just pulled off those silly undies of his and stuck his dick in me, but I didn't. I was enjoying the build-up.

I sucked and nibbled and licked his neck, and with my tongue, slowly licked him down his chest and teased his tummy. I love a man's tummy. It's soooo sexy, and I hadn't realized it before but he's got 6-pack abs. I love how right under a man's tummy is that beautiful little pleasure trail that leads to the treasure! Mmmmm yummy. I could only barely smell his cologne and as I mouthed his tummy, I breathed in his manly smells. I was so hungry for him. 

I used my mouth to tease his cock through his silly undies. I love seeing a hard cock through undies. It's so sexy. I love to tease myself and delay seeing a man's cock by playing with it through our clothes. I think total nakedness isn't as sexy as leaving on just a little bit of clothing--like you're just too horny to bother taking all your clothes off! But Mr. Passionate (his new name, remember) leaned over and took my bra off and started to play with my breasts as I sucked his cock through his underwear. I smiled at him, and put my breasts in his face to suck on and I once again straddled him and grinded his cock with my crotch. I could feel my pussy dripping I was so turned on. I couldn't wait to have him inside me.

I gently pulled his undies off and finally let his big hard cock out. I playfully teased it by letting my long, soft hair swish over it. I love doing that! His cock twitched in approval and I finally took it in my mouth and gave him the blowjob he was hungry for. I love giving oral sex on a guy so I stay down there a long time; not like so many girls who just do a perfunctory few licks. I licked and sucked him till he nearly came, then I pulled my mouth off. He gave me a big smile and grabbed me by my hips and pulled me onto him again for some more deep-mouthed kissing. Mmmm yummy. I pulled myself apart, sat up, and reached for a condom. It was time. 

Putting a condom on is so fucking sexy. I love the whole part of it---holding the package in my hand, tearing it open, and especially putting it on. Even buying them is fucking sexy. You and the clerk just know what you're going to do with them and I find that a huge turn-on. So I slowly tore it open, took the pale, limp condom out, and loving put it on the tip of his cock and together he and I smoothed it over his hard dick. Mmmmm so fucking sexy! More than not using a condom, it says blatantly, "fuck me now!" So that's what I did. 

I put that condom-covered hard cock of his inside me and being on top, my other favorite, fucked him hard while he just relaxed and enjoyed the ride. I wanted to show him I am no slouch. I'm not one of those girls that just lays there; oh no, I enjoy taking charge. I was his cowgirl and he was my pony and I loved riding him. Mmmm. It was the dead of winter outside but I got so sweaty fucking him I stopped to open a small side window and let in some fresh, cool winter air. It felt so good.

He was clearly enjoying watching me on top of him and letting me do the work. I was getting tired and he sensed it; he gently flipped me on my side and then onto my back. I couldn't believe how long this guy could fuck me without coming. I love love love fucking these young guys; they don't get tired easily and neither do I. He just fucked me and fucked me, and it felt amazing. He sometimes held me close and other times he'd kind of sit up. We were getting so sweaty, which I absolutely love. Hot and passionate and sweaty. We then laid side by side; I dripped lube on his throbbing cock and rubbed it and he fingered my clit till I came. I remembered how I couldn't ever cum with any guy other than my hubby; now my goal was to cum with every guy or girl I sleep with. I came so fast; i hoped he knew how turned on I was.

I wasn't in a hurry like last time--I didn't have to go to work but I did have to pick up one of my kids from school, so when I got an opportune moment, I reached over and checked my phone for the time. I couldn't believe we'd been fucking for more than an hour! We both said we were doing fine on time. It was time to change position again. He was going for the cum shot--we had texted about it and I told him to "surprise me." I love watching a man cum, he didn't always have to cum inside me, so I was really excited what he was going to choose.

He flipped me over, gently again, and wanted me doggy style. I like this position but it's not my favorite cuz for some reason, if it goes on too long, it makes me feel like I have to pee so it's kind of uncomfortable, especially if the guy is big, but I know guys just love fucking a girl from behind. I do like the way it hits my G-spot and it's pleasurable at the same time. As he's fucking me, just nonstop like a 24 year old would fuck, I'm grabbing the down comforter and screaming into it with every thrust.  After what seemed like an eternity--damn this guy could fuck and fuck forever--I had such a mix of pain and pleasure and I didn't know how much longer I could stand it--I felt him flick the condom off and cum all over my ass. My body collapsed down on the comforter and I released my grip on it. It was very erotic and I was exhausted and still turned on.

He was on his knees and holding the used condom; I sat up and took it from him and put it in the toilet (can't have kids finding it in trash!!!). I didn't flush it tho; I went back to him and we laid together, panting and sweaty. It was a beautiful sexy moment. We laid there, and he chatted, he was so awesome! I felt like we were really getting close. He was clearly comfortable with me. He didn't need to jump up and run out the door (like Mickey??? Hello??). He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder as he (mostly) talked about his job. He was confiding in me and I felt happy. I felt like I was getting what I always wanted from Mickey--not just a sex partner but a lover. Mickey never let me get close to him; eight years off and on together and he's still just a stranger. 

After at least 15-20 minutes, we both agreed it was time to go. We got dressed together--I had to go find something else to wear to pick up my kid--and he chatted the whole time. He is so comfortable in his skin and around me, and I feel the same way. I asked him if he wanted to shower before his next client, and he said no, just splashed some water on his face and ran his fingers through his short brown hair. I watched him, his blue eyes just gleaming in the mirror, and I noticed for the first time he had a small cleft in his chin. I felt warm all over just watching him.  I gave him a fluffy hand towel to dry his face and hands on. He said "thanks" sweetly and it felt good to be there with him, in the bathroom I share with my husband. Another man at HIS sink, using HIS faucet and soap. It was so sexy and naughty.

We walked downstairs together, and kissed at the door. It was a short kiss, but he said, "let me know when you're available...let's get together again soon!" I said I would, I definitely would. And with that, he walked away to his car, and I shut the front door, and giggled.

I texted my hubby--"He just left--are you on your way yet?" and he texted back, "around the corner baby!" I was already so sore from Mr. Passionate, but I knew my afternoon of sex wasn't over yet. My hubby was turned on from my slutty escapade and we still had an hour before my kid's school was out. I went back upstairs and put the bra and garter back on for my hubby, spritzed on some perfume, and heard the door open and close. I smiled thinking about the last two hours spent with another man, and how I was still turned on and couldn't wait to fuck my hubby. What a lucky woman I am!

If you really want to impress me, call me at 4 am.......

B called me at 4 am this morning and told me he wants me to come see him as soon as I get to LA! I can't wait to see him. I feel so comfortable with him--he's so sexy, so comfortable in his own skin. He is just easy to be around. He makes me feel so sexy and he just adores me. I hope he does get me pregnant--i'll have him in my life forever. Chances are 50-50 so we'll see. I really don't know why it's so important to him--I'm happy to just keep him my fuck-buddy, we have such a good time together. And I love that I'm his "dirty little secret". Well, I'd like to be more--damn wouldn't it be cool to be on his arm at some red carpet event?? Damn. Who knows. If I have his baby, the press will eventually find out. I like that I know a side of him no one else knows, cuz he is so comfortable with me.  I love the way he looks right into my eyes when he talks to me, those big brown eyes. I told my BFF about his new commercial and sent her his pic and she was like, DAMN he's HOT!!!!!!!!! I told her, yes, he is! I can't wait to grab that luscious long wavy brown hair in my fist while I ride him. Mmmmm 2 weeks!!!

Mickey is AWOL since I texted him I bought a plane ticket to come see him. I haven't heard a peep. I told him tickets were so cheap I decided to just come see him--that I remembered what he said (meaning about "having me in his life sexually right now is not healthy for me") and that I just wanted to have dinner---that I just want to gaze into those gorgeous blue eyes. No response yet. I'm biting at the bit to keep from contacting him--but going to just sit tight.

In the meantime, I'm writing Mr. Irish Accent daily and keeping in great shape for my romp with B (and hopefully Mickey). I'm down to 123 and look pretty good. I'm happy to say I don't think I need to lose any more weight! I'm all muscle now, what with 2 hours of tennis 5 days a week and weightlifting.

On a different note, my hubby's talking about taking a trip to go see his GF, the one that came here. I have to let him go and not make a fuss---it's only right, right?? Although it wasn't part of our original agreement....I get to do what I want so it's only fair. I don't feel threatened by her so maybe she's the right one for him to do this with.

It's funny---B, and Damien, and all these hot 20-something guys, but all my heart wants is Mickey. I'm really trying to leave him alone. He WILL come back to me, he always does. She's 20 for God's sake. And he's a confirmed committment phobe. I just have to sit tight.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll fall for someone else. I really really really want to. I did fall for Jake, but that ended badly. I wish I knew why. He really made me forget Mickey. That relationship had such promise, but maybe it was all in my head. I KNOW I can get over Mickey if I can just find someone to replace him. I've BEEN looking my dear readers! I really have! And I'm STILL looking!

Tomorrow night I will write about my hubby's GF's visit last month. I promise.

Stay tuned.

Love,
Anna XOXO

Finding happiness in the middle of the night

Long after I'd gone to sleep two nights ago, I hear the familiar chime on my iPhone on my nightstand. It's Mickey. FINALLY. He's on yahoo messenger at long last, and writes me his usual, "what's up?" like a whole month hasn't passed but just a few days.

How I longed for the strength to ignore him. I laid there in the dark, staring at his user name, and his words, but I was too happy and relieved to have any sort of resolve. I wrote him back immediately, "hey sexy man, where've you been?" Thanks to my detective work (called Google) I knew I wasn't going to take any excuses.

He started in with his usual, "busy". I said, 'Bullshit". Ok, I actually didn't say that, but I wanted to. That's what I was thinking. I ignore it and asked if he'd gotten a phone yet--knowing full well he did. Yeah, he said. I asked him what hasn't he called or texted me? Had he changed his number? He said no, same number. I said I'd texted and called him and no response. He said simply, "my GF  gets mad." Hmmm.

Since he doesn't actually talk in complete sentences on yahoo messenger, I ask them and wait for answers. I was bold and pretty straightforward. Even though I'd been sound asleep moments earlier. The gist of his situation is this--he's back and forth with the same GF he'd cheated on with me that fateful June 25th day in that hotel room way back when I first started this blog!! Two years ago? Three? I can't even remember. Yes, same girlfriend.

I asked him if he was happy with her. He said, "comes and goes." WOW isn't he descriptive? What the hell does that mean??! So I poked and prodded him. Because I always feel that every single encounter with him could be the last. I try to get as much out of him every time JUST IN CASE.

He teased me back.  He said, "you'll be sad when I get married." So I said, "why is that?" hahaha I used to say things like, "oh, I know, I don't know how I'll handle it." But not now. He has worn me down. 

He didn't answer. So I said next, "So! When's the wedding?" and I was about to say, "so I can send my gift" but he quickly answered, "LOL I'm not getting married!" I've been down this road with him before and I know it will come one day. And no, I am not prepared, and yes, he's right, I WILL be sad. I'll be more than that though--I'll be distraught.

But I didn't want to tell him that. So I started teasing him back. I said, "Marry me". He said, "but you're already married." I said, "So I can marry you too. The three of us. I'll be faithful to you and my hubby."

He was like, hmmm, what do I say to that?? He just said, "How would that work?" and I said, "very well actually! You'll get everything you want. Emotionally, financially, in every way." I could tell he was intrigued.

I teased him further to show I wasn't jealous. I told him I didn't mind sharing him as long as he was in my life. I said he could date others even if I was faithful to him. He was just floored. He said, "are you trying to bribe me?" and I said, " Hey, whatever works!!" lol

I then said, "I'll be your GF is cute. Is she into girls? Let's have a 3sum!" He said, 'No, no, that part of my life with you is separate from her." boo hoo I said too bad LOL I told him I had a boyfriend in LA and that I'm going to see him in a few weeks (B). He got jealous! Yay! I told him, "nah, I'm just going to see my parents. I want to stop and see you" So we talked about me getting a posh hotel room near him and him coming to see me. He truly wants to, I know he does, but he is "trying to be a good boy" so I'm not planning on going to see him now.

That did lead to an interesting conversation about non-monogamy, and how it doesn't work for us or most people, although they won't admit it. I said, "do you think for a second your GF doesn't have the hots for other guys? Of course she does, but she can't tell you, just like you can't tell her about me." OH I forgot to tell you!!! I asked him about the card I sent. "What card?" was his response. I told him about it, and then asked, "does your GF get your mail?" he said yes, I said, "Well, that explains why you never got it. I'm certain she intercepted it." He said nothing.

So....anyway...he's still online, 2 days later, and writing me all the time again. Why now? What has changed?? Nothing, he's still involved with her. But I did tell him, "you always come back to me." After a long pause, he said, "you're right, I do." 

So we'll see where this goes. My heart has hardened and I'm tougher than I used to be. I get him now, like I never got him before, and I actually feel sorry for his girlfriend, because he has broken her heart so many times (I know from her poetry I found online--thank you again Google) and he will break it again. I don't know if I want him that badly anymore. We should both dump him!!!

Damn it's those blue eyes, those dimples, that sexy voice and the way he makes us feel.

Fuck.

A new movie is out about swinging

There's a new movie that just came out called, "Swinging With the Finkles", and I just heard about it. I saw the trailer, and I had to run straight to my laptop and tell you all about it! It stars Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore as your typical adorable but bored married couple who decide to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by swinging with another married couple. I have not seen it yet---I merely saw a pop-up ad for it on Facebook this morning.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd probably laugh my head off at this movie, like my teenage son did when he and his teenage friends watched "Hall Pass". The subtext goes right over their immature pre-frontal-cortex brains. I tried to have a conversation about that movie and it was futile--he thought it was insanely funny and for that, Hollywood succeeded.

This appears to me to be another lame Hollywood attempt to broach the subject of what to do when married couples hit that inevitable plateau in their sex lives. The biggest problem with these types of movies is that they are made to be palatable for everyone, because the more people that go to see it, the more money they'll make. And Hollywood is all about the bottom line.

Since I haven't seen the film (and intend to do so ASAP) I will instead offer what I wish Hollywood, or most likely, an Idie film company do. And readers, if you know of such a film exists, I hope you'll let me know.

It seems from the trailer that as this married couple decide to find another couple to swing with, they "interview" prospective couples from the living room couch the way you'd interview a housekeeper or babysitter.  Those of us who are ACTUAL swingers know it doesn't work that way! First of all, how did they end up on their couch? Will Hollywood show the Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist ads of this couple? No, probably not.

What I do like from the trailer, however, is the subject of man-with- man sex is addressed. But, of course, it appears it takes the subject lightly--"this doesn't mean I'm gay does it?" the husband asks the other man. "Of course not", he says. I would like to see a man embracing his bi-sexuality. Why can't he enjoy his gay side? If anyone cares to know this, the Kinsey scale on pure heterosexuality is not the norm.  I get so so tired of it being socially acceptable for women to be tit-on-tit but two penises touching? So scandalous!!! Check it out on Kinsey's official site: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html#what

I would like to see, and maybe if it doesn't exist I should write it---the serious, sometimes funny, always sexy and raunchy truth about swinging. Wouldn't you? Is America truly not ready for the truth? After all, "Swinging with the Finkles" is a British movie.

That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to write it myself.

Who should star in it? How about two completely unknown and talented actors?

Gotta go.

Check out the trailer: http://youtu.be/6tKycPLM0po

Same old song and dance--Mickey's back

Mickey is back in my life! According to him, he was never out! He had no idea what I was talking about.

I stay invisible on yahoo messenger a lot, hoping to see that little yellow circle next to his name, which indicates he's online. Remember i googled him and saw he was online playing video games? Yes, I haven't forgotten that. WELL-------yesterday morning, I saw it. The little yellow circle. My heart started pounding and for a moment wasn't going to write him. What the hell, I thought, I'm used to the abuse, I'm sure he won't write me back. He did. The usual, "Hey! What's up?" as if no time had passed. 

He seemed the same old Mickey, just work and struggling to pay his bills. He said he was seeing someone, and teased me they were talking about getting married. As I was choking on his words, he wrote, "j/k---had you worried there huh?" I teased him again about having his baby and what cute kids we'd make and how we are destined to end up together somehow. He agreed. It was fun, it was just like it always is with him.

So I was still in shock, my heart still pounding, wondering, WTF? Jeez get a load of this! He said he never got any of my messages (even the last one, where I said, "Why are you such an asshole!!!") lol I told him, "I wrote you a dozen messages over the last month. You never got any of them?" "nope", he said. Here's why--he said he was robbed. He was in the shower, and he heard his door slam while he was in there. He ran out and realized his phone, wallet, and computer were gone. 

He said he just put this computer together. I believe him because he told me and showed me how he put his iphone 4 together--he'd wanted the white one and bought pieces to it online and put it together. He's handy with computers, he really is, so anyway, he was on iChat and on his webcam and wanted me to get on mine. Unfortunately, yesterday is my busiest day of the week and couldn't. He desperately wanted me to get on with him, and how I wish I could've. 

When I got home from work, he wrote me again. HE WROTE ME FIRST! yes, I know that hardly ever happens and when it does it makes me happy. He was begging me to get on my webcam together but I couldn't. I was having dinner with my family and just not the right time. He was teasing me, telling me what he was wearing, and what he was going to do for me. It was so fun, we were connecting again.

I was disappointed but hey, I'm a patient gal, leave him wanting me. hee hee

Earlier when we were chatting, he'd said he'd cut all his long black hair off! He had said some time back he was going to---I wanted to see how he looked sooo bad. He had confided in me he was really a blonde and had been dyeing it! With his amazing blue eyes I bet he looks good anyway. He said he cut it for work when he got his promotion and all, but he missed his long hair and is trying to grow it out. 

The other thing he said was that he wanted me to fly out to see him, but now he's seeing someone. I took that opportunity to tell him about Nico. I didn't say much, cuz I know how jealous he gets, but I did say that I was seeing someone who reminded me a lot of him and treats me the way I wanted you to treat me. 

If given the chance, I'd tell him more. Sometimes he asks questions about the guys I'm seeing and gets real curious. I know he'd feel threatened by Nico if he knew more. How he and I are Facebook friends, and I'm not his dirty little secret. How he makes me feel the way Mickey used to make me feel. How I trust him more than him, and I haven't even met him yet. 

I'm surprised that I'm not in the least jealous or curious about the girl he's seeing. I know he will tire of her and come back to me. He hurts everyone who cares about him. I feel so much better about him now--I really don't care what he does. It's been more than 8 years we've known each other, and it's taken me this long to see the pattern. I'm the only one left standing, time and again, and he always comes back to me. 

At this point, I'm happy to have him back in my life, but I feel differently than i thought I would. This time, I have no expectations for his behavior. He pops in, he pops out. But I guess he never stops thinking of me either. I'm soooooo glad I met Nico, and that my life is moving forward here. I'm not living in the past anymore, nor living in some fantasyland where Mickey moves here and we live happily ever after. I know now it'll never happen, and so I don't think about it anymore. 

Yes, of course that's what I truly want, but I feel free of that fantasy now. I have completely stopped asking him to move here. It has to come from him, from a deep longing for me and a better life than the one he's living 1800 miles away from me. I can't force it. I feel really free. I can love him and have him pop in and pop out, and I think I get him now. He's a bit of a drama queen, there's always a broken or stolen phone or computer. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. He's a squirrel trying to get a nut--he's a hard worker but the rest of his life is so chaotic. He makes poor choices a lot and he's really immature--I didn't realize it until I met Nico, who's younger than Mickey. Jake too, and Danny, these guys are 18 and 19 and have their shit together more than Mickey. I will always love him, and he knows all he has to do is snap his fingers and I'll come running.

Who knows? Maybe that's not true anymore. 

On second thought, it's not.

An amazing night in Jake's arms

     We had just gotten to my room, a $500 a night, 5-star hotel in downtown Chicago. Standing next to the bed in my $500 BCBG dress, with nothing on underneath but white, lacy panties, and Michael Kors heels, I was fiddling around with my iPhone and the hotel's iDock, trying to find some music to set the mood. Jake came up behind me and put his warm hands softly on my shoulders and stroked my arms. Pushing my hair to one side, he began nibbling my neck, and I began to melt. He unzipped my dress and being that it was a halter-dress, he undid the bow at the neck and continued to kiss my neck. I allowed myself to melt into his touch, his warm hands, and let him show his affection for me.

     The halter-dress didn't allow for a bra, and Jake quickly discovered this delicious fact as his hands found my naked breasts as the dress fell forward off my body. As it fell, I stepped out of it and he slipped my panties down my bare, tanned legs, and I slipped them off my feet. I tossed my phone down, not giving a shit anymore about music, and saw that he was shirtless,  just in his jeans. He looked beautiful. He was young and sexy, skinny and sporting a new heart tattoo on the front of his right shoulder. The dim yellow light from the vibrant city shining on him, I saw his sweet face and warm smile. I was filled with desire for him and felt my heart racing as my hands touched the soft skin of his chest. He pulled me close and kissed me hungrily, his tongue searching for mine. I felt my blood hot through my whole body. I was on fire. I literally succumbed to my desire for him and let him do whatever he wanted to me. With me, for me, to me. I gave myself to him.

     I don't remember how or when his jeans came off, he was just suddenly naked, laying on his back on one of the two beds in the hotel room. He looked scrumptious. I was so hungry for him. I didn't know where to begin, and neither did he, we wanted each other so badly.

     Over the next three hours, we made love in every position I can think of. We just couldn't get enough of each other. He is so tender, so sweet. He's huge, 10 inches, and he kept saying how much he loved how "tight" my pussy was. It was also too small to hold all 10 inches of him! He'd be very tender, not thrusting too hard. He'd go in gently every time, making sure it didn't hurt and that I was ok. Then we'd fuck like crazy rabbits. We just kept going. I couldn't believe he could go for so long without coming, but he did. And he was rock-hard the whole time. I wasn't getting tired, my desire for him was so strong.

     We fucked every which way imaginable. Doggy-style, reverse cow-girl. Me on top, him on top. Against the wall. At the edge of the bed. 69. But my favorite was this spooning position, him entering from behind me, with his arms wrapped around me tight. I absolutely loved being held like that while he fucked me. I felt so loved. It was warm and amazing. Little did I know it was only going to get better.

     He always asked if I was ok. He was always gentle, even when we were going at it. We were so sweaty, the sheets were soaked, but we were so into each other we hardly noticed. He loved the way I gave him oral, and I loved how he'd sweetly show me or tell me the way he liked me to do it for him. He is so emotionally mature for being only 18. Did I forget to tell you he's only 18?? He's 18 and amazing. With an old soul I believe, for he's mature beyond his years. Calm, thoughtful, affectionate, passionate, tender and a gentleman.
.
     He was surprised to hear me tell him that it was a night of "firsts". I'd never had another man bring me to orgasm---with as many lovers as I've had (except for the girls--they know how to touch a girl!) no other guy but my hubby has ever made me orgasm! And he did!! YAY!!! I was so happy! It was so easy to let go with him. I am so comfortable with him, he is like a second skin to me. The Yin to my Yang. I fall into his spell so easily.

I'll never forget it. He was touching me, touching my clit, just the way I love to be touched. As I was moaning and squirming, he was breathing on my neck, getting as excited as I was. I've never had a guy do what he started to do--comment on it! It was soooo sexy. He said, "Ooo, I feel your legs tightening up." You're squirming, it feels good, doesn't it?" "You're breathing harder, you're almost there, aren't you?" he was an amazing lover! and yes, I did come, and he was so happy, I could feel how happy he was to bring me to a climax, he held me close while I was writhing and we rode the rollercoaster of ecstasy together. I'd never, ever, ever, had that with anyone else.

     Another first was spending the whole night with him. Even with Mickey, I'd never actually spent a whole night with anyone else. And you know what? After he came (after 3 amazing hours), we laughed and were glad we had another bed to sleep on! The other one was soaked. We were giggling about it.  We got into the clean, unused bed to sleep. I had gone to go to the bathroom, and when I came back he had on his jeans (guess he hadn't worn any boxers....). So I put on a sexy blue lace matching panties and bra and got into bed with him.

     He laid on his back, and put his arm around me. I laid close to him, smelling how sexy he smelled (I could still smell his cologne too). He is so affectionate. We chatted a little bit, but I didn't want to be annoying. I know guys want to fall asleep after sex and women like to talk, so I was cognizant of that fact. Somewhere in-between chatting, we fell asleep, but I remember telling him that I would probably push him away cuz I didn't like to be touched while I slept.

     Was I ever wrong about that!

     Jake held me close ALL NIGHT LONG. He never stopped holding me.

     It was the most amazing night's sleep I've ever had. Several times I'd awaken, and I'd say, 'Do you want your arm back?" and he'd say sweetly, "no, I'm good". No matter what position I'd move into, he'd mold his body to mine, and hold me tight. I felt so-o-o-o-o loved, so adored. I never wanted to leave him.
Spooning he snuggled his head right into my neck, his arms holding me tightly. Whichever position---cuddling, facing him, snuggled into his armpit, it was heaven. His long arms held me close the whole night long. He never let go, and I never wanted him to.

     In the morning, I woke up early, 8:22 in fact. I had a 2 hr drive ahead of me and knew my hubby and kids would want me home, so I left my Jake's warm embrace to go shower. He slept the whole time, and when I emerged, clean and clean smelling, hair and makeup all done, I found him still in bed and kissed him. Damn he looked sexy. I wanted him to shower and make love to me again. Neither of us had eaten but I didn't care. I wanted him again, even though I was so sore. He declined showering, and I wasn't really sure what he wanted to do. I really wanted him to shower so we'd both be clean and start fresh, so I was kind of like, hmmm, not sure if I'm attracted to you right now, and he wasn't telling me what he wanted,  so I decided to just go home.

     He'd taken the train, so I just drove him to the train station, which was like a 10 minute drive. I wasn't done with him. I hadn't wanted to leave our bed. Why do I have such trouble knowing what I want sometimes? I was eager to get home and not eager. I didn't know when I'd see him again and that made it all the harder. He wasn't talking either, didn't really give an opinion either way, so that wasn't helping. I know he was just allowing me to make the decisions since I had a husband and family to get back to and he had no plans, I get that now. But I wish he'd said something like, 'gee, I really wish we'd cuddle longer", or "let's have one more go-round"--something like that. He gave me a quick hug and kiss, and he was gone. I turned around several times to wave goodbye but couldn't see him once he left my car. I was instantly sad and lonely for him.

     About a half hour into my drive home, I burst into tears. I missed his touch so badly. Thinking about the way he held me all night long. I haven't felt that needed and loved in so long, and I was aching to feel him again. I realized I have intimacy problems, and he's just the guy to break down my walls.

I'm totally falling for him.

Mickey who???

Aftermath

When my hubby got home from his business trip Thursday night, things were about as bad as they could get between us. It was late, kids were alseep (thankfully), and the look on his face when he came in the door said it all. Not only was I not ok, he was not ok. He was not happy, he was not empathetic, he was cold and angry. It was so scary. I didn't know what to say or what to do. He leaned in and gave me a small kiss and said hello. We went upstairs and without talking, brushed our teeth and got into bed. I lit a candle and we laid in the darkness.

For more than 2 hours we tried talking it out, but things just kept getting worse as we were going in circles. Neither one of us seemed to "get" the other. We were defensive, angry, hurt, exhausted. We both realized this was bigger than the both of us and we had a long way to go.

I kept saying it was the circumstances and the fact that I'd never said it turned me on him being alone with another woman. How did we go from zero to a 4-hour drive, drinks and dinner and an all-nighter???? How could I have possibly been ok with that? I apologized for saying one thing and meaning another, but after 21 years together, doesn't he know me better than that?? That I felt guilty for all the guys I'd been alone with and felt I had no right to say no? But that I WAS saying I wasn't ok with it. I'd said it all day long in all my texts. That I was waiting for him to "do the right thing". Without my telling him or influencing him.

To me, this wasn't about banging some chick and getting his rocks off, like I do. When I get together with some guy, it's an hour, maybe two, and he leaves or I come home. No dates, no all-nighters. I've never even spent the entire night with Mickey. It's an hour here, 1/2 an hour there. So can't he get that I'd be threatened by that???? Fucker!!!! Hello, are you listening???? Shit! He just couldn't get that. That was MY interpretation of events. His was, "she doesn't mean anything to me. I don't get guys like that (snap fingers) like you. This was my only chance. And who knows if I'd have even gone thru with it??? Now we'll never know."

True. I'll never know. But I couldn't take that chance because to me, it was too big. I really thought that's it, he does it, our marriage is over. Because he shouldn't have put himself (or me) in this position in the first place. I couldn't win once he'd invited her to drive to come see him (which he says he didn't. He "merely stated" that he would be in her state...give me a break!!!!)

After about two hours of yelling and accusations, we laid there silent. I bravely said, "I'm turned on. Are you?" he said no. I said, "So you could fuck her last night but not me tonight? That's nice." I was so pissed off. Well, he decided he'd better fuck me so he reached for me and we had ten minutes of the angriest sex we've ever had. We only got about 3 hours of sleep that night and that didn't help things in the light of day.

The next day was Mother's Day and it was my worst ever. Yes, he gave me a beautiful card, but it seemed contrite and insincere given the way he was acting. He seemed like he was pouting and that made me angrier. As if I'd promised him Disneyland and dropped him off at the dump instead. There was no sweetness, no humor, only coldness. I didn't even recognize this man I've spent the last 21 years with. He said he hadn't eaten since the dinner with her. Had lost 6 pounds. Wasn't even going to have a glass of wine anymore. He was turning into someone I didn't know. He was irritating me so much, I just wanted to slap him. I honestly didn't know where we were or where we were going.

Mother's Day night, he suggested a bath, and I took him up on it. He still refused to have any wine. I had some for him.  It was nice but very awkward. We couldn't even look each other in the eyes.

Slowly, we started to talk. I had a recollection that I thought was an important point. I had suddenly remembered something that happened about 3 months ago. Hubby was in another state where Rachel lived (a co-worker of his we had a 3sum with). And he was stuck due to weather just miles from her, and I clearly remember telling him to call her up and stay the night with her. I was actually turned on at the time. I obviously didn't feel threatened or I wouldn't have suggested it. He declined and got a hotel. Why did he decline? I don't know. He didn't say. And when I brought it up, he still didn't say.

So, to me, it showed me that maybe he has more feelings for this other girl than he's letting on. AND it confirms that it was the whole romantic-ness of this "date" with her was what was upsetting me. If he'd gone to spend the night with Rachel, it would've been MY idea, and it would've been more of a "bang" than a "date". He said he got that. He said he understood. But I think it was more of acquiesing than true understanding. That is where I'm stuck.

He is stuck at, "You said the D-word. I never thought we'd ever come to that." I said, "I don't know if I meant it. I was hysterical. I just knew I was angry at you." And of course I have apologized many many times. I've apologized for the mixed signals but can he understand that they weren't really mixed at all? But rather him hearing what he wanted to hear--"have sex with her and spare me the details." He got mad at that. I can see his point but still, to me it's crystal clear and it's really not about me and Mickey and our whole relationship needing to be re-thought and negotiated.

To me, it's this, and it's simple----he has never admitted to wanting to be alone with another woman. Now he did. He invited her, he wanted her, it was a date. This wasn't a simple sex romp. This was a DATE and I felt threatened. If he can't get that, and I mean REALLY get that, we do need to re-evaluate our relationship.

BTW I found a therapist. I do want to stay married and I know he does too. We have too much together to give it all up so easily.

Oh, and speaking of Mickey, haven't heard from him in about a week. Not even sure exactly how many days, and that's saying something. And I realize, I don't even miss him. He just doesn't give me what I need anymore. I have no desire to text him or call him. If I hear from him, fine. I'm not doing the chasing anymore. I just don't care.

The tables are turned---and I go insane

Yesterday was one of the hardest days ever for our marriage.  A true test for the fate of our 18-year-old vows.

My post from 2 days ago was about my husband getting his first opportunity to be alone with a woman. We have been "swinging" (God I hate that term! Makes me feel like a monkey!) for about 6 years, and as far as "hall passes", I've been given free reign as a Hotwife. The tables were turned, and I was having a really really really hard time with it.

The night I wrote that post, hubby (who was out of town for work), and I talked on the phone for about 2 hours, thrashing back and forth every nuance of the whole thing. I'm sure I drove him crazy, because I felt one thing and said another. I felt like I had no right to tell him what he could or couldn't do--after all, how many guys have I been with without him?? (too many to count, honestly) And I know her, I know she's like Mickey, loves us both and wouldn't want to do anything that would break us up. We were with her a few weekends ago. So, on paper, logically, she's the perfect person for him to have his first "hall pass" with, right? SO WHAT THE FUCK WAS MY FUCKING PROBLEM??????

Several things.

First of all, like I said in my previous post, I told him 6 years ago I wouldn't be ok if he did it. Yes, a double standard, but he said it turned him on and he encouraged it. He has found guys for me, taken pictures of me for other guys, even made videos for Mickey. He has encouraged me to go on the dating website, and has paid for plane tickets, encouraged me to text, talk, see whoever I want, whenever I want. Because it turned him on.

And this is the defining thing for me----the idea of him being alone with another woman has NEVER turned me on. The thought of him being naked and fucking her made me so nauseous and crazy I was a complete wreck. And all day yesterday, knowing she was driving 4 hours to come see him, thinking about him getting all horny for her was too much for me to bear. I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, couldn't think. I almost crashed my car with my kids in it because I was so distracted.

I had to work too. A long shift. And with the time difference, I had to keep subtracting 2 hours from everything I was doing to imagine what they were doing. Had she arrived yet? Have you talked to her? Etc. And my hubby was wonderful, he did text me back immediately every time and told me everything.

But it only made it worse.

He 'd finished work, and actually changed hotels to be closer to the airport. So HE drove 2 hours, in MY mind, so he'd have MORE time with her in the morning. So he'd have a quicker drive to the airport.
Everything was adding up. He'd say, "oh no, that's not why, I will be closer so I can catch an earlier flight in the morning." yeah, right I thought. Nice try dude.

So I'm trying to take care of the kids, then had to go to work and worry WTF he's doing 1800 miles away. I know he wasn't cheating---it's not cheating if I know everything! But that didn't make it any easier.

She got lost. She was late. She showed up. They had wine. They were talking. Then they decided to go eat. That's when I had had enough. By this time, I had actually worked my entire shift, and had gotten kids in bed. It was nearly midnight my time, only 10 theirs, and I honestly couldn't take it another second. I grabbed a bottle of wine and some crackers, filled up the bathtub, and sent him a text that said, "I can't handle this. I don't want to hear any details. I'm turning my phone off." He obviously took that to mean, literally, that I would actually turn my phone off.  That I didn't want to hear from him? I did and I didn't. What I wanted to hear from him, he obviously wasn't going to say--which was, "don't worry honey, nothing's going to happen. We're just having a nice chat." (because he's always said he didn't want to lose her friendship). I wanted him to make the right decision without my influencing him. Didn't he know me by now??? We've been together a total of 21 years. Did he really think I was going to be ok with it? Or did he just want her so fucking badly he didn't care? So yeah. I turned off my phone. Because I knew he wasn't going to stop himself.

 I couldn't stand to imagine them naked and fucking. I thought, if he has sex with her, our marriage is over. I will never get over it. Just imaging them in bed together was agonizing.  For the next 2 hours, I sat in the tub sobbing.  I drank half a bottle of wine, and I was practically heaving. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I was getting more and more nauseous and hysterical. Two fucking hours had passed. I had no idea WTF they were doing. I was hysterical.  Thank God for my kids---if it weren't for them, I'd probably have stayed in the tub, kept drinking, and slid under. I got out of the tub, dried off my hands, and turned my phone on. He hadn't even tried getting a hold of me. That hurt and fucking pissed me off.

The texts came rapid fire and from deep within me.

"I just want you to know I'm not ok."

"I can't do this."

"I'm sick. I can't take it."

"I guess u are having too much fun to read this."

And the one I knew would get to him--"WE are NOT ok."

Seconds later my phone rang. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to jump right out of my chest. I mumbled hello. He was clearly exasperated with me.

"What are you guys doing?" I demanded.

"We just came back to the room," he says. Yippee. I fucking literally caught them in the nick of time. Of course, I don't know if they were already naked, or whatever. He didn't say. I didn't ask. But he said he would "stop"  and talk to her and call me back.

An agonizing 30 minutes later, he finally calls me back. I tossed and turned in the dark wondering WTF they were doing. He said they went downstairs to the front desk and got her her own room.  He said he was alone now. We talked for about half an hour. I know he'd been drinking, and I had too, so we decided to just go to sleep and talk when he gets home.

I realized the gist of the whole thing is what I said at the beginning of this post---the idea of him alone with another woman has never turned me on. I have tolerated seeing him in 3sums but it bothers me. It's better because I am there, but i have to get so bloody drunk to do it. I'm wondering how solid our marriage is now.

The other thing is, and this is very important---we are supposed to be able to say, "I'm not ok with this", and the other person is supposed to accept it. Without having to feel defensive. It's called setting boundaries. It's the first fucking rule of swinging and open marriages. I thought we had it down, but obviously not. But here's the thing---how many times have I told him, "i'm not ok with it"?? And yes, he stopped, he did the right thing. But I'm fucking hurt and pissed off that it came to that. If I hadn't turned on my phone and had my little tantrum, they'd have spent the fucking whole night together. He told me so. So---guess this is more about hubby not being honest with me either.  I shouldn't have played mind games with him--"go ahead, have your fun, I just don't want to hear details". I should've said, 'Absolutely not. Do not let her drive there. I am not ok with it."

But I was feeling so guilty of all the guys I've been with, and felt it only right he should be allowed to do the same.

But the truth is, it doesn't turn me on. I felt threatened. I felt jealous. I literally went insane. I'm still a wreck. And when he said, "oh yeah, been there, done that", I was like, "WTF??? HUH??? You never once said it bothered you when I was with other guys!!!" and he was like, "well yeah!! duh!!" I said, "but you never once asked me to stop. Or asked me not to go. You've always encouraged me. Why do you do that if you felt the way I felt?" and he said, "cuz you wanted it and I didn't feel it was my right to stop you." FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK Ok so this is all new to me. I had no idea.

So, 6 years of swinging and all, and we are acting like newbies. This is so fucked up.

New opportunities with an old friend and a new friend

It's snowing like a mutherfucker here right now and I'm coming down with some sort of flu or cold, I'm not sure, but I'm glad I've got time to write today. Lots to catch up on! Ok, Mickey update first---I'm so happy he's got a phone cuz he's texting me all the time now! He opened up to me a little a couple days ago---it was really amazing to finally get in his head a little. He was in rare form. He actually said, "I miss you"!!!!

He apologized profusely for "freaking out over the Tweet thing", saying that "she" (he never referred to her as his girlfriend) found one of our chats and was asking questions about us. He said they aren't serious, rather she owes him a lot of money and he's only sticking around till she pays him back! He was upset that if she found out about "us" (HIS term!! There's an 'us'? yay!) he would be "screwed". So, it wasn't that he was worried about hurting her! I am shocked. And relieved. He said he's not making much money now so he really needs her to pay him back.

He talked about the porn site--I think he is desperate. He said it's either that or sell weed, and he doesn't want to do that either, and that he's scared to actually do anything yet and hasn't. I told him I was upset about it, I didn't like that his face would be seen and he might regret it.

He also apologized for missing my birthday and said "happy late b-day". I texted him a pic of me I'd just taken a few days ago, all dressed up to go out, and he said, "I like your hair". That's the closest I've gotten to a compliment from him. (I'll take it). He thanked me for the Christmas card and pics I sent him and said, "I loved them". WOW he has never said the word LOVE in any form, so that was neat. He said he wished he could've visited me yay! So of course I told him that we'll fly him out anytime. The guest room has a brand-new bed in it and it's ready for him! And lastly, he said that "moving there is starting to sound good right now", and that he wants to find a good job. So of course I'm checking out what's here and sending him info. My hubby was pleased to hear all this and we'll see what he does. I love hearing from him, and he seems to need me right now, and I love it.

I found a book in a bookstore called, "The Threesome Handbook", and my hubby and I are reading it together. He says I could've written it LOL and I guess he's right. We have learned a few things and we are talking more than we were. Communication is the most important thing if you're going to have this lifestyle, and with our crazy schedules, we don't always communicate as well as we should. He really wants to include a woman and I just don't know how I feel about that. I haven't been really ok with it so far, I don't really know what I'm turned off to the idea, but it is something my hubby would like so I told him I will really think about it and let him know. Am I threatened by another woman, do I worry she'll steal him away? Yeah, I'm sure that's a huge part of it. I really don't get how he can let me be with other men and be okay with it. He gets more turned on than jealous, and I guess he must feel pretty secure about me, so that's awesome. Most of the time I try not to think about our lifestyle, because we've always said that if we think about it too much, we feel too shameful and guilty and weird and we'd probably stop doing it, but don't want to. Reading this book has helped with those feelings---the author is so frank about it being simply, an alternative lifestyle, calling it "modern". (so much better than "swinging". I really hate that term). A monogamous marriage is simply called "a closed relationship", and is neither better nor worse than a "modern" marriage (ours). A choice, not morally corrupt.

I know a couple who have been married 11 years, two kids, and they have a closed marriage. My hubby swears he's probably cheated on her several times, and if he were to even think she thought another guy was hot he'd have a shit-fit. So, I look at their marriage, and think to myself, hey, we treat each other better. We'd never cheat on each other--why would we?? If my hubby finds a woman attractive, he tells me. Vice versa. No big deal. Why can't more people be honest with each other? If there were more marriages like ours, I really feel there would be fewer divorces.

We are actually discussing telling our kids. It's more worrisome to think that with the stuff they might overhear, or see (as in me getting Mickey's texts all the time) that they might think I'm cheating on their daddy. I told my hubby not for now--if Mickey comes to live with us yes, but not right now. We aren't seeing anyone (unfortunately!!!) so why say anything now?

I had to laugh when I was reading in the 'Handbook" how we are probably misreading the flirtations of possible sex partners! It was saying how there are some interests people have that are generally thought of as open-minded (such as artists and musicians). So, I was thinking about this yesterday at the grocery store! I was getting a pound of bacon from the deli counter, and the guy helping me was really cute except for a shaggy beard. I could see a sleeve of tattoos peeking out from his white butcher's coat, and thought of the book. He was really friendly, even introduced himself by name (I'll call him Tony) and put out his hand to greet me! He said he's the new deli manager and we stood and talked for about 15 minutes. He's married, and he seemed very happy with his life. We talked about the snow and the impending storm and he was telling me how he snowplows his neighbors' drives for them. I never would've thought he might be flirting with me or be in a "modern" marriage had I not read that in the book. I vowed to myself upon saying our goodbyes that I would keep an open mind myself and see if there's an opportunity with him and his wife there! (maybe invite them over sometime? Give him my cell number next week when I go shopping??)

Opportunities abound! We just have to be willing to see them.

Now to help find Mickey a job here!