New profile pic and catching up

Hello my dear readers, I'm sorry so much has happened and I've been so busy I'm way behind. I know you all want to know how it went with my hubby new GF here....and I will tell you everything. I promise. But in the last 2 days there's been a new development with Mickey that I just have to get off my chest.

I have been trying to plan a trip to go see him for 2 weeks now. I'd have bought my plane ticket already but fucking Mickey wouldn't answer my texts or my IM's and so I didn't know if he was going to show up or not. I wanted to make sure what day off he would get so I planned well. We did play phone tag--it was sooo nice to have him call me nearly every day, or he'd answer the phone the second it rang when I called him, but we never talked for more than a couple minutes. He'd wake me in the middle of the night, and apologize for waking me, and then he'd tell me he'd call me tomorrow. This went on for the whole 2 weeks. He'd call me from work and have to hang up and wouldn't call me back till the next day. It was so schizo.

Finally, two days ago, out of the blue (his last text to me was June 2nd) I get a text from him that says, "I can't have you come see me. Having you in my life sexually is not healthy for me. I'm trying to focus on way too much."  I was shocked and sat on that for about a half hour. I was sad, but not surprised. We've been through this before, it's not the first time, so I was disappointed but ok with it. I remember the first time he did this to me---it was 7 years ago.  We had a Friday night date and he called me and told me, "I can't do this anymore", and how I was crying so hard, I was distraught--pleading with him to reconsider. I drove to his apartment and met him there--we sat in my car and he was cold as ice. That was the first time he broke my heart. It wasn't but 2 weeks later he was in my bed.

So I read his text and knew it was that night all over again, only I'm 1800 miles away so I can't just drive there and beg him to reconsider. And I'm a different girl now--I know he'll come back to me, and I told him so.  I asked him what was going on, what changed--that he had said he was single and had asked me to come see him, so WTF? And you know what??! He won't say it. He won't say he has a GF or that they're getting serious cuz he doesn't want to lose me. He talks so cryptically. "I'm not sure about anything right now," he told me. "What aren't you sure about?" I ask. "Work and such", he answers. Refusing to talk about anything in any detail whatsoever.

Knowing full well he wants me and will come back to me, first I was compassionate and told him I was sorry to hear. I was texting my best GF at the same time to get advice, and she thought I ought to tell him about "B". So I did. I said I was going to LA to see my BF and wish I was with him instead. He wrote me, "If I were even to see you now I can't stay the night or spend the day with you like I'd want". Oh happy day!! SEE???!! He DOES still want me!! So that was good enough for me.

I decided to tease him then--told him, "hey! Meet me in LA!!!" he said simply, "Can't".  I sent a sad face, and asked if he'd come here instead. He said he wasn't sure! Which meant "maybe I willl" or "I want to so fucking bad but can't figure out how to actually get away with it." Then my very sexiest naked pic of myself and said, "just to tease you...." and he loved it. It went on from there--I told him about my hubby's GF and sent him a couple pics of the two of us together and he loved them. He asked for more.

I know my Mickey. He loves to be single, he loves to be free. He hates to be tied down. He is a commitment-phobe and he will tire of her. I just have to be patient and not bug him, but yet, at the same time, he craves those texts from me that I am thinking of him.

The last thing I haven't told you is yes, I stalk him on Facebook. He and his GF have pages and although her wall is private, her info is not. It has always said under the relationship status that she is "complicated with...." and Mickey's name and pic. His is private so I can't read it, but I happened to look at their pages again last night and hers said instead, "in a domestic partnership with Mickey." WTF??? I looked at his page, and on his wall he'd written, "sorry, no, I'm not engaged, just clicked the wrong relationship status. I'm not getting married quite yet." To which a female friend who looks about my age wrote, "you're such a tease!" Just tonight I looked at them again and a guy friend wrote on her page, "Are you guys gay?" hahaha yeah WTF a "domestic partnership" doesn't sound very hot or sexy. More like roommates.

I know, I know, I'm just fooling myself. They are living together. But I asked him a few weeks ago--"are you in love?" and he said a resounding NO! So who knows.

I have to let go eventually--maybe he is getting serious about her and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I need to just let go right now, before I get hurt again. I'm really ok, more disappointed than anything, but sad too.

I'm thinner and in better shape than ever cuz I knew I was going to see him. Well, it will be appreciate by  B! I am excited to see him.

I'll tell you all about my hubby's GF as soon as I have time. It's the middle of the night right now and I have to get up at 6:30 am.

Oh wow!! B is calling!! yay!!! Just when I needed him.

Thanks for reading, and good night.

Love and kisses,
Anna XOXOX

Margaret Cho on "The Talk"---about her open marriage

Check it out!!!!

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/06/margaret-cho-on-her-poly-life.html


Now that you've watched it, let me just add that polyamory is NOT polygamy folks!!! Look it up. Jeez.

Skype sex with a new hottie!

Hello my wonderful readers, I'm sorry it's been like 3 weeks since I've written. The kids are out of school for the summer and I can't get a moment's privacy! I like to write first thing in the morning when the coffee kicks in. I'm finally having some time to myself so of course my first thought is, BLOG!!!

Since I wrote last, I have not heard from either Jake OR Mickey. I have not tried to contact Jake--I'm leaving him 100% alone. His band will be playing a gig here this Friday! Hubby and I got tickets and we're going to see him. I'm determined to meet him after the gig face to face. Of course I know it will be awkward, especially with my hubby there, and I'm certain nothing will come of it, but you know me, I never do what I'm supposed to do. I'm sure I will get hurt again and wish I hadn't seen him, but I can't seem to help myself. I do miss him and I know he'll be polite at least.

I don't know what the fuck is up with Mickey. I don't know why he contacts me out of the blue, tells me he misses me, and then disappears. It's as if he's off the face of the planet. He isn't online, he isn't texting or answering his phone when I call. I know he said he was struggling when he texted last, and he'd mentioned getting rid of his phone. He's got a good job--I can't imagine why he can't afford Internet or his phone. SO.......I assume he doesn't want to talk to me again. He makes me crazy. But the good thing is, I don't obsess over him anymore. It is REALLY a relief. I can stand back and say, well, there goes Mickey, doing his crazy thing again, playing cat and mouse, and not take it personally. Whether or not he responds to my texts, or says what I need him to say, do NOT dictate my moods anymore. It is such a relief.
                                                          
                                                         *************
The best cure for heartbreak is a new guy, and I had this really cute blonde 19 year old writing me on my dating website. I hadn't written him since I was all caught up in Jake. He was persistent though, and I was ripe for a new lover, so I wrote him back. He gave me his phone number and we started texting. What I loved most about Danny is that he always texted back immediately!! And I decided I'd play harder to get....I seem to keep getting attached too easily and so decided to let him court me. I just adore him. The best part was, he did what no other guy, even Jake, would do---for example, I was at work one day, and I got a text from him that said he was in his (college) physics class and was thinking about me! How wonderful is THAT???!! I enjoyed that so so much. He went on to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am, can't wait to get me naked, etc. and we sent sexy pics to each other. While he's sitting in class! That was so fun. OH! And I forgot to mention he's an Abercrombie model! He said his picture is up in their stores all over the country! (guess who's going to the mall soon!)

He lives near Jake in the big city, and wanted to scope me out before he drove out here, so he asked if I had Skype. I didn't, but it was easy to get on there and before I knew it, there he was! OMG what a fucking hottie! He's a swimmer, and he took off his pants and boxers, right there on camera, and put his speedo on! OMG he's hung like a horse and gorgeous to boot. Of course it got very nasty after that--he began stroking himself and of course I started teasing him and took of my clothes one at a time for him too. It was so fun--unlike yahoo messenger, you don't have to type to talk to each other, you just talk! So we got along great. Before the clothes came off we chatted for about an hour, and before I knew it, he'd made himself cum all over himself, and it was 3 am!! We'd been online for three hours! It was awesome. He giggled afterward, and we both agreed we'd passed the test for attractiveness! So, we made plans for him to possibly come see me in two days, last Friday. I told him I'd get a hotel room. We said our goodnights with sexy plans to do all those nasty things in person.

I haven't heard from him since.

WTF here we go again??? What did I do wrong???

I knew he had plans to go to Magic Mountain with a buddy. He'd told me right up when we were Skyping, and who knows, maybe that was just a lie.  So he texted me Friday afternoon, simply, "hey, I am really not going to be able to make it up tonight sorry :(" I responded, It's ok sexy man! I kinda figured since ur having a big day lol". no response. Later that same night I wrote, "I hope we can meet soon" no response. The next morning I wrote, "HI sexy man", still nothing.

Hmmm so it's been a whole weekend and not a peep out of him. WTF I guess I messed up again.

So back to square one.

WTF

blogger lost my last post

Scary how a glitch in the system, or whatever the fuck was going on, led to yesterday's post being lost. I am reminded that the cyber world is not a real one, and in the blink of an eye, it can all disappear.

Guess I ought to print out everything I've posted, just in case.