Hot and Cold, Yes and No

It's been an exciting few days as Blondie drunk video called me Sunday night! OMG it felt like a turning point in our "relationship". I say that in quotes because I'm not really sure what it is we have! He's so hot and cold, just like the Katy Perry song I sing with my band. He makes me insane with his on and off.

He was definitely ON. I could see him but there was no sound so I hung up and he called me back (non-video call this time). He was breathy and sexy and he said things to me he's never said, and it was epic.

"I CRAVE you", he purred. "You DO??" I responded, clearly shocked and delighted at his revelation. "YES I CRAVE YOU....ALL THE TIME.....AND YOUR BED..." he slowly revealed, "IS....MMMM....THE ONLY PLACE I EVER WANT TO BE".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was literally squirming in my recliner. I wasn't drunk, and actually didn't know he was until the next day. My mind was spinning hearing him say all these things to me. Now you have to remember, I will go a month without hearing a peep from him. So his words were contradicting his behavior. He mind-fucks me constantly. I never have known how he's felt about me since day one. It's like when he's with me he's all in. He is 100% sincere: he's very child-like and such a hippy, wears his heart on his sleeve when he's talking about anyone and everyone else, but has never really given me any inkling into what I mean to him.

And I know what you're thinking--he was just horny.

I know that. And I also know that who you drunk dial is who you truly love.

When I've been drinking he's my go-to. In fact, I have drunk-texted him so many times in the last couple weeks, and he always reads them immediately but then doesn't respond! The last drunk-text I sent was last Saturday night, our band had a show and just before we went onstage, I wrote him, "wish you were here!" and "showtime!!! wish me luck!!" and he reads them immediately but never responds! Why can't he just say, "good luck! wish i could be there!!!" I am going to fucking ask him all these questions next time we're together.

And speaking of getting together, he was purring into the phone that he wanted me to come over. 'RIGHT NOW". Well fuck I had to say I couldn't!! It was midnight, and I was home with my daughter, and how the hell would I explain where I was going all dolled-up at midnight?? RIGHT??!! But it was sooo wonderful being asked. I loved that he wanted me that badly.

So we made plans for him to come over in the morning, after she went to school. He said how much he wanted to take a bath again, and I'm quoting here, how he wanted to "give me the loving I deserved". Now that's the SECOND time he's said that to me! The last time he WASN'T drunk!
So anyways, he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:00 o'clock (am)." I responded, "oh no, my daughter is still here. She leaves at 7:20. Come at 7:30!" Then he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:30." So I said, "AWESOME!" and then he said, "OK, so I'm going to leave here at 7:30." He was getting mixed up. It was cute. He kept doing that. I'd correct him and say, "no no, Blondie, GET here at 7:30." He'd say then, "so I'll leave here at 7:30." Then he said 8:00. And finally when we hung up, we had confirmed he'd be here at 8:00.

After we hung up I raced upstairs and was up past 1 am scrubbing my bathroom sink and tub.

And then in the morning, my daughter told me she wasn't going to school.

Yeah.

"The best laid plans".

I hated telling him he couldn't come over. It was 6:45 am. So we decided to get a hotel room that night. He loved the idea, even tho he admitted he didn't have the money for it, I said no problem my treat this time. We actually sexted a bit which he never does. I told him hubby was out of town all week and we could spend as much time together as we want. We made plans to meet at a cute Mexican restaurant at 6:00 and have a drink first.

He cancelled at 11:45 am, saying he wasn't feeling well. Hungover. So we said "tomorrow night" instead. I didn't have to pay for the room bc I was able to reschedule the reservation.

And then Tuesday morning, he cancelled again. Said he was doing a painting job and it would be probably the next night too. I waited about 3 hours to respond and just said something like "well I know you want to see me so let me know when you're free next!" He read it immediately but like usual, didn't respond.

So fucking frustrating. But it's ok. I've gained a few pounds over the holidays and that gives me time to slim down a bit and get my Brazilian waxing (I was due!!) before I see him hopefully next week.
I really plan on asking him what his deal is next time we're together. I don't get the lack of responses to my texts, and honestly, I need more from him than I'm getting.

And what he may not realize is, there's always someone waiting in the wings to be that guy for me. I just always want him more and push every other guy away, but if Blondie truly feels something for me, he needs to start showing it bc I'm losing my patience. My heart can't take this up and down.

"You're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white
We fight we break up
We kiss we make up

You don't really wanna stay,no
But you don't really wanna go oh
Cuz you're hot then you're cold
You're yes and you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down"