Is your pussy dry? Here's why!

I had a lightbulb moment watching the news this morning.

DEAR READERS PLEASE READ THIS!!!!! THIS MAY BE A LIFE-CHANGING POST FOR YOU!!!

News shows are notorious for their pharmaceutical ads, and I saw an ad fora pill for post-menopausal women.The woman in the commercial is definitely a MILF. She sensually looks at the camera and purrs, "Sex after menopause...it shouldn't have to hurt" as she's writhing on a bed, toying with the collar of  her white button-down blouse. The camera zooms in on her left hand to show us a wide, gold wedding band. She's SO hot, and she easily looks little older than 40. Google tells me that the average age of menopause is 51.

The ad flashes to another woman with equally long hair, way beyond her shoulders like the first actress, only it's all grey. (AN OLD WOMAN!). We don't really see her close up, but she's swaying sexually too. She doesn't get to say anything. She just sashays erotically. Both women are in fantastic physical shape.

I felt compelled to watch it several times. First of all you need to know how much I despise "Big Pharm" so I have a cynical response regardless, but this really irked me. Why did they have to show a wedding ring?? REALLY?!?!?!?! With all the TV shows on Netflix that are too sexual for me to watch with my teenage daughter, you're going to get all moral on us??? Or is there a deeper message there??

AND THERE IS!!!!!!!!!!!

It all clicked for me.

Menopausal vaginal dryness/pain is a married woman's affliction.

Read that sentence again. I'll paraphrase.

Women in long-term marriages have vaginal pain when they fuck their husbands.

This vaginal pain is caused by a lack of lubrication.

It is a biological fact that the female body creates vaginal lubrication when aroused. 

Menopausal women can't get wet to fuck their husbands because they simply aren't aroused!

The extent to which a woman "gets wet" is our version of a hard dick. The harder a man's dick is, the more aroused he is. Simple fucking fact. Can anyone deny that truth???

When a woman is aroused, her body gets ready for penile penetration by creating its own lubricant, heretofore known as "getting wet". Not to sound scientific or anything, it's just a simple fact. Men get hard, women get wet. If a woman's not getting wet, or a man's not getting hard, guess what folks!!! THEY'RE NOT TURNED ON!!!!!

Now of course I'm generalizing. Do not think for a moment that I'm insensitive to the ill or elderly, or people who suffer from real afflictions that cause soft dicks and dry pussies even when aroused. Of course there is scientific data that shows that as women age, the ovaries produce less of the female hormone estrogen, which can lead to thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls, and I believe as men age and their testosterone levels drop, it can wreak all sorts of havoc on a person's sex life. Having said that, I am GENERALIZING.

And I feel like a bit of an expert on the subject, as I am married in a long-term marriage, and I'm post-menopausal (I went into menopause at 42!!). And I am always buying lube; I have always enjoyed using it during foreplay (and after) and never really stopped to think about whether I really needed it or not. It's just so much fun when it's things get a little slippery!!

When I saw this commercial the other morning, my brain went into overdrive, and it occurred to me that I have never used lube with Blondie, except the very first time we had sex at his apartment. I bought a bottle of lube and gave it to him as a gift, just assuming I would need it! And it was fun to play with, but I realized that every time he fucked me, I was already soaked. What clinched it for me was realizing that last week he slid his dick inside me while we were taking a bath.We all know how drying bath water is, and water in general is the anti-Christ of hot sex. But it went right in, and it didn't hurt, and we fucked our brains out.

And I also realize that just texting him, talking about fucking him, seeing pics of him, and just fantasizing about him and BOOM waterworks. I. AM. READY.

Do I get this wet with my husband?? I know you want to know.

No offense to him, but I don't. But he doesn't get a hard dick for me either without warming up the engine either!  That's a 20 year marriage folks. I doubt he has any trouble with his girlfriend. We can't possibly feel that throw-me-down-on-the-kitchen-counter desire after twenty years. It just isn't possible!! Why do you think you're always hearing how couples go on vacations or try role-playing, even to the point of renewing vows to "spice things up"??? Love and sexual desire can be mutually exclusive.

There's nothing like being with a new lover. In polyamory, we call it "NRE", or "New Relationship Energy." We know it is a phase!! Some of you call it the "honeymoon" stage! And we all know it doesn't last.

And twenty years later, women are wondering why they're dried up.

Get a new lover not a pill!

I'll bet that cures it for most of you.

You're welcome.

Strip club fun

I've finally got something juicy to talk about! DAMN this fucking infidelity thing has SO messed up our sex lives. We are doing really well lately--we are starting to get back to some sexier behavior pre-d-day. We have been taking things really slowly--my Allen is back in my life and that's awesome but I am figuring out there's something really odd about him and I think as much as I'm attracted to him, we are very mis-matched. For example, my H and I went to a strip club last night with a group of our friends and I texted him we were there. We were all very drunk and turned on--we found out a girl in our group--one of my co-workers who's 24 and beautiful and just broke her engagement to a really great guy--likes women! So we bought her a private lap dance with one of the strippers. We made her tell us which stripper she liked best--hehehe--it was such naughty fun! I wasn't jealous of my H at all. It was a turn-on actually. Anyway, I'll talk about that later but I texted Allen and told him what we were up to and his response was so annoying I decided I'm done with him. Verbatim, here's what he said--"What are you doing at one of those disease nests? I hate strip clubs."

Yeah. That's what I thought too.

What kind of 27-year old guy DOESN'T like strip clubs???? COME ON!!! THE WOMEN ARE GORGEOUS, HALF-NAKED AND WRITHING IN FRONT OF YOU. WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?????

If you are a guy and you can't stand strip clubs, would you please tell me why?? It saddens me that he is not more open-minded. I know there are a lot of women out there that hate them--they say things like they feel bad for the dancers, it's pathetic, makes them feel jealous, etc. but for a GUY not to like them? 

When I was in my 20's and was with my asshole ex, I used to be SO insecure and when I found out he went to a strip club I was beside myself with anger, jealousy and rage. It made me feel like I was chopped liver. Now that I'm older and wiser, I know better and I see strip clubs completely differently than I used to. These women are strong and beautiful and sexy, and they smell amazing!! Every stripper there gently and seductively put their breasts in my face and they were soft and sweet and I could've fallen in love with any and all of them. There wasn't a thought in my mind about "disease". Jeez Louise. 

There was one girl who was amazing on that pole, let me tell you. She went all the way up to the top, hung herself upside down, and dropped like lightning headfirst and stopped just inches from the ground, her long blonde hair barely scraping the floor. She cascaded around and around, spinning upside down like a top, then pulled herself upright fast as lightning. She was amazing. Only her and one other girl were capable of really working that pole like that; the slightly overweight girls just danced around the pole and couldn't do the gymastics and of course we tipped the more-skilled girls more. As I was watching them, I was not grossed out or thinking they had "diseases". It was a very clean, nice club and the staff was attractive and the service was great so I don't get Allen's point of view, and honestly, I am really done with him. He is super hot too.

I hadn't seen him in awhile and my hubby was getting okay with me seeing him again, so we have been trying to hook up. With the kids out of school for summer, it hasn't worked out so far, but ironically, I was in his city last week (about 15 miles from me in a part of town I don't usually go to) and texted him. He thankfully wanted to see me so we arranged to meet at a grocery store nearby! I had my daughter and a friend of hers with me--I took them to this fun trampoline place in his town--so I had to be strategic. After they were done jumping they were hungry so I dropped them off at Taco Bell and since I had to go to the store anyway, drove over to it (it was just across the parking lot) and told Allen where I was. I was nervous and excited to see him and it felt just like when I used to go visit Mickey at the grocery store he worked at. I was in produce, just like old times to see Mickey LOL and lo and behold, Allen came up behind me and touched me while he simultaneously picked up one of the avocados in the bin I was looking at and spun around and gave me a wicked smile. He got contacts, thank God, got rid of those awful glasses of his and his blue eyes just looked devilish. I realized how much I missed him. Damn, what a hottie. We flirted and joked, walking over to the soda section so he could get a Rockstar drink and hide from the other shoppers. He didn't even kiss me, just talked about his new job and shit and I knew we only had a couple minutes and I had to go get the girls. I realize I don't listen to anything he says cuz all I'm thinking is sex--"kiss me asshole" or something like that. Blah blah blah. Finally I saw my daughter and her friend enter the store so we parted ways. Very unfulfilling. I had fantasies of some making out in the car or shit, even the soda aisle but NO.

I texted him a few days later with two opportunities for him to come see me and have sex with me. He had excuses each time. Now with his remark about the strip club, I'm done. Either he's changed his mind about me--perfectly acceptable--I get it--or he just really doesn't like sex that much. Either way, I'm done. I'm not going to text him anymore and see if he puts forth any effort. I'm looking for a new BF.

And I thought I found someone--a cutie named Eli who is only 18 ("I'm going to be 19 soon!") who found me on cougarlife who I last texted months ago and said I wasn't seeing anyone. So I started writing him and he was like, "ooo girl where you been?? I want you SO bad" and sent me face pics and a dick pic (of course) and then when I said, "hey I'm free tonight let's get together" I fucking never heard back.

Yeah.

Happy Monday all you sexy motherfuckers out there.