Tinder date from hell

So I matched with a real cutie about 2 weeks ago. Very cute, blue-eyed recent college grad, 23-years-old, lives 8 miles from me. We hit it off right away, and we moved from texting soley on Tinder to Snapchatting and texting quickly. He would write me 24/7, from early morning while getting ready for work to bedtime every night. It has been wonderful. We wanted to meet but I was going out of town so that delayed it.

I really liked his sense of humor, and his self-deprecating wit. I can't stand insecure guys who just boast about themselves or have a slew of selfies on their profiles. This guy and I had the most fun banter I've had with a guy for a long time, and after Hot Lips (who btw disappeared and hasn't been heard from since with the exception of one very sexy full body naked pic a week later) I decided I was going to go slower with the next hottie and develop something more before I jumped into bed with them.

So things were progressing beautifully with the guy above I nicknamed "Gorilla Man" bc he was the hairiest beast I've ever seen. And if you read my blogs you know I like my guys hair-free for the most part (except the top of their head. Gotta have cave-man hair). Even though he was so young, he said he too was looking for a relationship, and didn't care that I was married and he'd be a side-dish. We talked at length about what kind of a relationship we both wanted, I mean, in 2 weeks we covered a lot of bases. It wasn't mostly sexual bc when he'd get sexual I'd stop him and say it was too soon for that. He liked it. He told me he had a huge crush on me and couldn't wait to meet me. He'd send me snapchats off and on all day too, letting me in more every day. Oh, and he was a chess player, so that turned me on more than those blue eyes.

So we finally chose a day and time to meet--I picked the place--a super cute and quiet coffee house halfway between where we both lived, and we'd play chess. We'd been teasing one another back and forth for days who was going to win. I brought one of my chess sets, and at the last minute, I decided to leave it in the car. I told him I only had an hour (I had a dr appt) so I decided I just wanted to focus on him as it was our first time meeting.

I labored what to wear since the weather turned so cold. I chose a low-cut, blue sundress and leather jacket and my best Guess black leather boots. I felt pretty and confident and since he was so funny in texting I knew I was probably going to really like him. I told myself I would let him kiss me if he walked me to my car. THAT'S how much I liked him already.

So you know from the title that things turned bad, so here it goes.

I got there before him, and sat down. I was nervous and didn't know what to do. I texted him "here!" and soon he wrote, "I'm ordering coffee!" I somehow didn't see him come in. I recognized him immediately. He looked just like all his pics. He was cute and wearing a nice cashmere sweater and jeans. There was one person in line behind him, and I didn't have a coffee yet, and he was already paying so he couldn't order one for me, so feeling playful, I went up behind him and put my hands on his back and said, "HI! I didn't see you come in!!!" He turned around and I think he smiled and said hi and asked where I was sitting. I said I hadn't really picked a place yet. He said "ok" and something about going to find a spot. I said "Okay!" It was at the moment that I realized he was super short (I mean I'm five foot two and maybe five-five in my boots) and he kind of looked.....dwarfish??!! He turned the corner and I hadn't had a good look at him, so I thought, maybe not.

A little discombobulated, I ordered my coffee and decided to give him a chance. I absolutely adored his personality. I was going slow these days after all. I texted my hubby, "He's here. He's cute."

I found him sitting at a cute two-top table off to the side, nice and private, and I smiled and said, "Well hi there!! Nice to meet you!" and sat down. He made eye contact, and he was real cute, as cute as he'd looked in all those Snapchat pics he'd sent. I was actually not too nervous once we got settled.

Within a minute or so he took off the cashmere sweater he was wearing as the coffee house was plenty warm. He joked he was a "T-shirt and jeans" kind of guy, and I could see his hairy chest and I was kind of turned on. He had nice muscled biceps too, and he kind of gave off an Alpha male presence that was super hot.

I noticed he was wearing an Apple watch, and seeing as I love my Fitbit Blaze and have been wanting an Apple watch since last Christmas, I asked him about it. I think it caught my eye bc he kept glancing at it. I get that since my Fitbit Blaze sends me all my texts and phone calls, FB messenger and Snapchats. (it would send Tinder too if I let it). He did make conversation, and I felt it was going well. It was like we picked up where we left off through texting. We were laughing and getting along well.

About maybe 10 minutes in, he looks at his Apple watch again, then picks up his phone, and asks me a strange question. He said, "What's it called, the person who's the brother of your grandpa?" I said, "That would be your grand uncle I believe". He responded with a "hmmm", hand on chin, deep in thought. "He died today", he said nonchalantly. "Oh wow! I'm sorry to hear that!" I responded. He let it go for a minute and asked me about my band, like how often we gig and all that and we joked about singing (he said he's a horrible singer) and it was great banter. Then he picked up his phone and said, "would you mind if I call my mom real quick? I'll be right back." What was I to say? "sure, of course" I said nicely, bewildered.

He got up, phone to his ear, and walked around me and out. My phone was on silent in my purse. I reached in and took it out and wrote my hubby, "This is a weird date...not super attracted." I quickly became  annoyed that he got up to make a phone call. Who was he, the President??  I wrote my BFF and told her how he got up to go call his mom.

Suddenly, he popped around the corner, grabbed his sweater, and without missing a beat, said, "I don't mean to be rude but I gotta go!" and he was gone.

I didn't even have a chance to say anything or react. I was just dumbfounded.

I got up and put my jacket on, and went to my car. Trusting and believing him, I wrote, "I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you're ok." He wrote right back, saying simply, "I'm okay. Just worried about my mama." I responded, "It was weird I wasn't sure if you were just giving me a story so you could leave."

He didn't respond. The text turned green (iPhone-to-iPhone texts are blue unless there's no signal) and it appeared he'd never read it. The evening progressed and still no response. Bedtime, still nothing. And this is from the guy who had been texting me 24/7. Such a cavernous difference.

That night I became so incensed I couldn't sleep. I woke up around 5 am just fuming. Finally at 6:43 I texted him, "is that what you did????" He responded immediately, with a screenshot of the text. It was a group text sent from his mom to him and his sister, and says, "Uncle Charles died this morning. This was Daddy's brother. He was only 10 months younger than daddy." There's no date or time on it. For all I know he edited it out. He texted, "I wouldn't quite call this a story." I responded, "well I'm sorry for your loss. But you can't blame me for thinking you just wanted to run out. It's a classic move. Ten minutes into the date a text arrives and you need to leave."

He read it immediately and I've never heard from him since.

I bit my tongue and fingers from typing further, "This is where you say, oh my god I'm so sorry I can totally see how you'd think that. Let me make it up to you." He never did.

So the more I thought about it, the more incensed I became. First of all, who reads their mom's texts while on a date?? Ten minutes in?? If you want to read your fucking texts at least excuse yourself to use the restroom and do it discreetly. Anyone who knows me knows I'm fucking addicted to my phone, yet I had it on silent and stuffed in my purse so I could give him 100% of my attention. And yes, my Fitbit Blaze buzzed a few times so I knew I was getting texts. I was on a date! I didn't look at them. They could wait!! I expect the same from the person I'm with.

Second of all, he shouldn't have sent me that text from his mom, because it just further reveals he DID intend to run out and he used her text as an excuse. She sure didn't seem as upset as he made her out to be, nor was there any emergency of any kind. He created one so he could leave.

Why??? Who knows. I don't care. I deleted him from my Snapchat. I have zero interest in finding out the answer. If he's indignant that I ought to be more sympathetic to his loss he can go fuck himself. It's not like it was a parent or child. It was NOT an emergency, his mother was NOT that upset. He shouldn't have looked at his phone in the first place.

Ugh. Two weeks of wasted time.  I guess this is what dating is.

I'm SO glad I never sent him any nudes.

I walk away from this with my head held high, and all my dignity.

What an ass.

Readers?? Tell me what you think.

Preamble to Valentine's Day

I want to tell you about my Valentine's Day yesterday!! OMG it was so hot! BUT first a Blondie update. He is still single according to his FB, which he's on 24/7, so I poke him now and then. I thought Valentine's Day was a great reason to poke him and I sent him a cute meme of an orange cat like his inside a pink heart. He responded immediately!! Wished me same back and we chatted off and on. Oh, I forgot, actually we started texting the day before. He'd posted on his fb he needed rehab for his binge drinking and he had almost 50 comments so I just PM'd him mine. It went from there. It was very interesting--he'd been hungover that Monday he came over and had gotten sick. AND when he drunk-dialed me that sexy convo where he said he "craved" me he was drunk. Putting pieces together. And it's interesting bc when we were together last year he never drank at all. He loves his weed. So this must be new behavior, perhaps getting dumped by Piggy Face??? Hmmmm. He was having chest pains and I was going to take him to the ER but he ended up deciding to "ride it out". He's only 24. I'm sure he just had anxiety.

Anyways, I decided to just ask him out! He's the kind of guy that likes romance. He seems offended or something when I'm too sexual. So I said, "how about $5 movie night? It'll be fun!!" He responded it sounded like fun but he couldn't tonight, something about having to get a hair cut (on VALENTINE'S DAY??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHICK HE WAS TALKING TO AND COULDN'T TALK TO ME....?!?!?!?! HE ALONE ON V-DAY??!!)  and had to "take care of some other stuff". I believed him. He doesn't lie. If he had a date he'd have said so. He's clearly unbalanced right now. But we are talking daily again and I'm so happy to have him back in my life. I know, he wasn't ever really "out". But when he's dating someone else, I'm in the friend zone.

Yeah. Blondie broken like New Guy, but omg they handle their brokenness completely differently. Blondie doesn't "shut people out" and ghost them into thinking they're done anything wrong.

******

SOOOOOOOO WHAT DOES ANNA DO WHEN BLONDIE NOT AVAILABLE??? SHE GOES RIGHT BACK ON TINDER!!!!

I matched about 5-7 cute guys and sat back to see who'd pursue me the hardest. The winner was a guy I'll call JL. He's 24-years old, tall and lanky, a ginger with light hazel eye. And awesome eyebrows. I agreed to meet him for coffee last Friday. Again, another hottie without a car, so I went to pick him up where he lived, which is a ramshackle house along a busy freeway about 20 minutes from me. Perfect tho, bc we'd be unlikely to run into anyone I know.

He was cute and I liked his look right away. We drove to a nearby Starbucks and he bought us both a coffee. It's always awkward being in public with someone who most people would look at us and assume I'm his mom. We sat at a bar-type table facing a window and chatted for about an hour. I realized he's probably one of the most intelligent people I'd ever met-completely knowledgeable about politics (at least we are in agreement on most everything!!) He's an activist and a former vegan who still eats mostly only organic. He spoke so softly I had to lean in several times and say, "I'm sorry??" He also started doing this head twitch which seemed like hiccups, or possibly, Turrett's??? I had mixed emotions. He was super cute, dressed like a total skaterboy, had a sexy deep voice, inviting eyes and then tics. It was a bit scary and off-putting.

As I got talking to him, he told me about a bicycling accident he'd had three years prior that resulted in a brain injury and "micro seizures". It was a bit frightening and I told him so. He put me at ease and said he's used to it. We talked for an hour and he filled me in about it and I was still conflicted about any chemistry I was feeling with him.

When I drove up to his house, he asked me what I was looking for. "FWB essentially" I responded, and he said likewise. I felt safe and at ease around him once his "micro seizures" stopped (they weren't bad, like I said, like hiccups) and I liked that he reached over and just kissed me. He was a GREAT kisser, and very respectable, he didn't just dive into my groin. I liked kissing him and grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer. He invited me in, but I said I wasn't ready for that, and had to get going.

I wrote him at a stoplight on the way home, "you're a great kisser". He flirted back, and we made plans to see each other the following week.

And that's the blog post I wanted to write about initially but had to get all the other shit out of the way first.

Next up--I fucked him yesterday.

Finally meet New Guy!!!!

I couldn't wait to sit down and write about meeting this new hottie yesterday! I have been thinking long and hard about what to call him on here: his real name is the same as my hubby's, but he himself goes by a nickname and I've told him, "I haven't decided what to call you yet!" He's so easy going and laid back, and he said he's always high. He stopped drinking and doing drugs a few years ago but loves his weed, and clearly, he functions well on it. He's so easy going. Nothing riles him.

Not even when I accidentally sent him a screenshot of our conversation to my BFF, and my subsequent follow-ups texts that were supposed to go to her. Where I said I though he was acting like he has a lack of respect for women by suggesting repeatedly for me to just go to his apartment and "chill".

I was horrified. He was at work when the texts went through, and we were supposed to meet up after. I sent a barrage of texts once I discovered my flagrant errors. I thought, "well Anna, you're an idiot and ruined it!" I actually Googled, "how to recover from sending texts/screenshot to the wrong person". It said basically just to send a GIPHY. So, I'd already send about 5 texts apologizing, then sent a GIPHY of Homer Simpson doing his slap-to-the-forehead signature, "DOH!!!' And then after almost an hour after we were supposed to meet, when I still hadn't heard anything, fearing the worst, I just wrote, "I'm all showered and dressed if you want to still meet." And I was surprised and relieved that he wrote and apologized to ME!!!!!!! And then said how he'd just gotten off work and yes, we can go anywhere I wanted.

His handling of that showed me he was worth the effort. And that maybe, just maybe, calling someone on their shit, even if it's accidental, has value. And to his credit, during the entire date, he never ever brought it up.

He doesn't have a car, and offered to wait by the curb for me. I liked that. So that's what he did; and when I drove up to his apartment complex, he was sitting in a rickety old chair outside of it. He waved and got up and walked over, and I opened my car door for him. He was taller and thinner than I thought he'd be which was a positive! (I didn't need him to be tall, just thinner than how he appeared in his pictures). He had on a red knitcap, and had hair long enough that it was almost shoulder-length, which I liked very much. Another blonde. What is it with me and blondes all of a sudden????!!

And the crazy thing is, he's sooooo much like Blondie it's uncanny. Similar in looks, although Blondie is way hotter. I felt crazy chemistry for Blondie instantly, and I didn't feel it yesterday with the new guy. They're both young, living in crappy apartments, working hard and making little, no car (although Blondie's got his running again), and both so hippy-like, pot-smoking, easy-going, laid back guys. The biggest difference is, New Guy is a great communicator. He tells it like it is constantly, and doesn't play games. I don't have to guess where I stand with him, and there's something about him that forces me to be brutally honest with him too.

Like just now he wrote, "Cum over today". I answered back, simply, "I'm not ready for that yet". Instead of making up an excuse like I'm busy or whatever, I am getting better at knowing what I want and not being so much of a pleaser. This is big for me!!

So, you want to know if I kissed him???

I DID!!!

Or should I say, he kissed ME!!

I could tell he wanted to, and he was trying to figure out how to make a move and still be a gentleman.

I drove us to this cute coffee place near his apartment, and I ordered a coffee and he ordered a strawberry smoothie. He doesn't drink coffee either! I chose a table in the back by a window, and I sat across from him. I was so super nervous! This was the first first-date I'd been on in over a year! And I wasn't in a bar, wasn't drinking, so no liquid courage. I could see he was nervous too, his knee was shaking just sitting across from me. I cradled my coffee mug in my hands as we talked about our family histories, how I moved here from California, how he was a high school basketball star but got injured and that's when things got hard for him. He wanted to talk politics but I wouldn't let him!

We had a nice visit, and a couple times he'd gently touch my hand, and glide his fingers across, and then pull back when I didn't reciprocate. I enjoyed just sitting with him, the conversation flowed easily and well, and he totally disarmed me when he was describing his roommate to me. He's known him 5 years he said, and that he's a "total disaster", but like a brother to him. That he just got his second DUI and that they were sharing his work van, which now has been confiscated by his job, so now he himself has no car. BUT when he was describing him, he said, and I quote, "he's adorable. Absolutely adorable." I have never heard a guy talk about another guy like that, especially his buddy! And he went on to describe the first George Bush as "adorable" too, and did an impersonation of him describing how he thought he was so cute and small and adorable he just had to vote for him. I thought he was charming and funny.

After about an hour or so, we left and when we'd gotten in the car, he made his move. He just came close and started to kiss me. It was nice, it wasn't amazing, I wasn't really feeling it, but I kissed him anyways. I wasn't sure how I felt. I was very uptight. I said afterwards, "Glad we got that first kiss out of the way!" and he laughed and agreed. The first one is always the most nerve-wracking.

He suggested we stop at Wal Mart bc I'd been telling him how I needed to buy a new coffee pot as I'd broken ours the day before. OH!! And I forgot to tell you, Blondie lives about a mile away from him. And we stopped at the same Wa lMart I went to with Blondie previously. So it didn't escape me the fact that I could possibly  run into him there. And as we walked through the store, I linked arms with New Guy, fully aware of this fact. Did I want to run into Blondie and have him see me arm-in-arm with another guy?? I think I did, and that's why I was the one to link arms with him, not the other way around.

I didn't see Blondie, and I found my coffee pot, bought it and we left and I drove him home. When I put the car in park, of course he wanted to "make out" as he'd put it. I giggled and didn't stop him, even though I wasn't really feeling it. He is so self-aware: he said, "How was that?" And I said, "It was nice!" He said, "Nice?? That it??" And I said, "Yeah! Nice!" and we both laughed. And he kissed me more, and rubbed his hand on my thigh, and I moved so he would kiss my neck. He had asked me when we'd talked on the phone if I liked my neck kissed, and I did, and I wanted him to stop kissing me on the mouth. I liked having my neck nibbled and he caressed my hair as he did. Then he kissed me some more, very passionately, lots of tongue, but I was hesitant. He felt it and asked me about it, and I said something like yes I liked it. I didn't say much more. We talked about when we'd see each other again, and he finally got out and walked to his apartment.

I drove off to a spot around the corner to let my hubby and BFF know I was fine and on my way home. And when I got home, I was relieved I was alone, and suddenly felt so incredibly tired. I turned off my phone, laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. I fell asleep immediately, but was awakened soon after by one of my cats that jumped on the bed and came close and meowed at me. I said hi to her and started petting her, and suddenly burst into tears. I laid there sobbing, trying to understand what I was feeling.

I still have no idea.