Afterglow

OH. MY. GOD.

Dear readers, you have put up with me for so long, all my sad tirades and all my unrequited desirings. And you've been there for me through it all.  It is with great pleasure and torture that I announce.....

Blondie is back in my life.

I say that without exclamation marks, because I'm beyond exclamations. I am SO happy.

He fills such a deep longing in me, and I've missed him so terribly these last 8 months, and I think I'm still a little shocked. And of course, I haven't heard from him since he drove out of my garage a week ago, so there's still that terror and worry "was that it??? Will I ever see him again??" So that kind of negates the desire for me to put exclamation marks on that sentence. Because, is he truly back in my life, or did he just pop in for one last fuck???

And it's that space I'm in right now. It's a hard space to be in. We've all been there haven't we??

It's a familiar feeling, as I've felt it ever single time I've ever been with him. I leave thinking, 'if I never see him again, it will all still be worth it." And I say that because I'm married!! And most people think "where can this go??? It can't go anywhere!" And I know that the truth is, most relationships end. They just do! So why do we go into them thinking they have to be "forever"??!! THERE IS NO FOREVER. All we have is RIGHT NOW. THIS MOMENT.

And we should be making the most of every single one of those moments, instead of fretting about if there will be more of them.

Because life has NO guarantees. Human beings are not robots. We are fleeting in our cares and desires and the wind may carry us away and it may carry us back. We cannot control ourselves let alone anyone else.

So when the wind carries someone as beautiful and amazing as my Blondie your way, just fucking enjoy them. In that moment. Because you don't know if you'll ever have them again, and if you don't, you don't want to ruin it with forecasting.

But that's what we do. We want guarantees. We want to know "are you all in???" "Are you "the one"???!!" And you know what my dear friends??? There is no such thing. And the sooner you believe that, the happier you will be.

There will be many, many, many people that will come and go in your life, and each one will leave an indelible mark on your heart. Each one is special in their own right. If you go into each relationship with the goal of marriage being the finish line, you miss out completely on the magic, not of "what could be" but WHAT IS.

RIGHT NOW.

This moment, right now, is all that matters.

Young stud in my bed

I have been itching to sit down and tell you about my Saturday night! OMG Ok so I've been on OKCupid for about a month, and I've chatted with a handful of guys who it always seems to look significantly LESS cute than their profile pics! So I was very excited when I met a guy I'll call Jordan. His profile pic was too good to be true, I assumed, but I was instantly wet just looking at it. Tall and skinny and full of tattoos. Gauged ears. A musician. I fell hard fast, and was so happy to have my affections reciprocated! He started writing me immediately and within one day, I'd given him my cell number and we were texting like wildfire. He wanted to come see me THAT SAME NIGHT. Now you know how many flakes I've met on these dating websites--all these guys seem to want are pics to jack off to so I was very excited that it seemed this incredible, 24-year-old hottie was the real deal!!! I loved the way he talked to me. "You are so sexy." He even invited me to go to HIS BBQ with his family. He seemed the most open person I've met in a long time. We were connecting emotionally, not just physically with every text. He was sooo cute--he was texting me, "I've never done this, you sure your husband's ok with this? I've never done this before." That sort of thing. It was adorable. I couldn't wait to have him naked.

We were having a BBQ with a group of friends over, and despite living an hour away, he was persistent that it wasn't a big deal and that I was totally worth it! When did I want him?? I checked with my hubby and he said, "tell him to come right now!" I was like OMG wow!! So I gave him my address and lo and behold, he texted me he was on his way. I got so excited I was jumping out of my skin! And he actually showed up! I walked out the front door and met him on the driveway and he kissed me on the lips immediately. I had had too much to drink and should've just kept kissing him but stupid me was worried we'd be seen (we had vanilla friends over) so I took him by the hand out to greet everyone. He was so nervous but he said I made him feel so comfortable right away. I pulled up a chair for him next to me. My friends are awesome; everyone just chatted away and drank BUT my tennis partner was insistent--"How is it you two know each other???" She must've pressed that question three times. We both innocently just said how we are both musicians and have mutual friends, etc. She wasn't buying it. I love her to death as a friend but don't trust her with my secret love life so I just kept insisting we had mutual friends, etc. I knew he was nervous and uncomfortable--everyone there was twice his age--but he seemed to just be at ease as everyone was so nice otherwise. He didn't drink anything, and we'd all been drinking for about 8 hours then someone poured me Tito's in my wine glass and that got me drunker quick. BUT not so drunk I wasn't fully aware of all the fun I was about to have with my skinny guy upstairs! 

After maybe 15-20 min, I said to him, "Hey, want a tour?" even though I'd given him a tour of the house when he first arrived LOL He loved our music room with all our guitars and equipment. I asked him about his guitars--he said he had 13--one for every year he'd been playing. That was impressive!!!

He was so polite and just the nicest guy I'd met in a long time. He was Mickey but better. I loved his nerdy glasses (and told him so) and this otherwise total metalhead. Skinny black jeans, cut off shirt, gauged ears and full of tats. A ballcap on backwards. His hair was up in some sort of messy thing, but I'd remembered from his profile pic that it was waist-length. I couldn't wait to see it down. And I couldn't wait to see his 9-inch dick up close and personal. He'd send me a pic, it was amazing--him laying down holding it---damn what is it about these little guys with big dicks???? ;)))

We walked upstairs hand-in-hand. I led him to our bedroom and we took all our clothes off. He wasn't the frantic, ripping them off type of guy. He just methodically took everything off, and I did the same. I was pretty drunk and I get very lovey-dovey. He took my face in his hands and kissed me so softly and lusciously, not hard and desperate. Just very loving. He was passionate and every move was soft and sweet. He was so delicious. I can't stop thinking about when he was on top of me and let his hair down. It fell to the side like a beautiful waterfall, tickling my arm and face so seductively. He was so skinny and tiny, not tall like his pic at all. Our bodies fit so perfectly together. Like Mickey, I could put my arm around his waist completely and hold him tight while I was on top fucking him. It was so awesome. We fucked for about 2 hours, and he came inside me. No condom. We discussed it earlier--we are both clean and have been tested. 

After he came we laid there naked, talking (about WHAT I have no idea but I know it was deep) and we were really connecting. I had to pee and I was sad and disappointed that he took that as a cue he should leave! I didn't want him to!!!! I said, 'no please stay I just have to go to the bathroom" but he was worried about how late it was getting--he has a young son and needed to pick him up in the morning. Sadly he got dressed them and so did I, and I walked him downstairs and out to the driveway and we kissed and hugged goodbye. I went back in the house, up to our bedroom, and my hubby was laying in bed in Jordan's place, naked with a big hard dick waiting for me. He fucked me so hard, he was so turned on by me and my new boy and came fast. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk the next day. Two big dicks in one night. 

He was so cute, he texted me when he got home, and told me, "you have such a loving soul and are easy to talk to." He said something about me having "broken down my walls a bit" and how he "keeps that part of me hidden." So I got the feeling we really did connect and that I would see him again, that maybe, he would become a bigger part of my life.

But I haven't heard from him since. I know, it's only been a day, but I texted him yesterday morning the pic my friend took of us and this simple text, "Thx again for driving over. It was great meeting you. Have a great day with (his son's name)." with a heart smiley face. AND I sent a Snapchat of just me after showering and all looking pretty with a "hi". Nothing. So...this is making me very uneasy. I'm worried I came on too strong. So, here I am again, pulling back and waiting to see what my new guy does. Sigh.

And BTW J. is completely AWOL. Two weeks now, not a peep. I have all but forgotten about him with my new crush Jordan. Time will tell.

Happy Monday everyone!