Love life needed

Hello my sexy readers! I'm sorry I haven't written recently but I really haven't had much to write about unfortunately! My sex life has been at a stand-still sine Blondie found someone else. And since we are FB friends, I see he and his GF have officially broken up, which made me very excited! It's been a couple weeks now and I keep hoping he'll miss me and contact me, but it hasn't happened yet, so I'm moving on. Five and a half months and while he's been fucking his new girlfriend, I've been faithfully keeping myself hot and ready for his return, pushing away anyone else's advances. I've had plenty of opportunities but I just haven't wanted to take my clothes off for anyone but Blondie.

"Indiana" is in town, and writing me 24/7 to come over. When he initially wrote he'd be in town, I had every intention of seeing him if I hadn't heard from Blondie, but now he's here and I'm just kind of "eh". I told him last night I had a "horrible" cold (lie) and that I'd let him know.  I said to my BFF, "What is wrong with me??!!" She said, "don't you like him? You've fucked him before right?" And I answered yes, but that was last summer before Blondie and I got together.

I feel like I've really changed since I was with him. I don't like sex for sex anymore. I liked our relationship so so much! I trusted him. I did things with him I don't want to do with anyone else! I really feel like sexually shut down. I've BEEN shut down since April. We just had a connection like I've never had with anyone before. That shit doesn't just evaporate. It's like I'm stuck.

"F" is still very attentive, sending me snaphats every day. He is so fucking adorable. I think he's still seeing that chick but that's what he does--he can't stay faithful to any girl. He tries but then he misses me. He hasn't made an effort to see me although he seems to want to badly but stops himself. He's fun to flirt with and I think he's the only other guy right now I'd sleep with.

I DID meet someone new I'm smitten with, and I think I'm going to give him a chance. Two guys actually--the first is the hot rocker boy who came to my show last weekend. I fell for him before I even met him. I love his look. He's 26 and also a lead singer! He said he wasn't in a band right now but he's got the 80's hair-band look like he's in Motley Crue. After the show we were hanging out together and flirty and chatting and I just had to kiss him. I just left him standing there and smiled at him. The guys in my band were all hanging out together with some other rocker-types and it was just the best night. The gig went well and hey, I kissed a hot boy so it was a good night!!

The other guy is someone I matched on Tinder. I've "known" him for like 4 years--he's a bartender at our fav hangout! I did NOT know he liked me! He is SUPER hot. A couple of my single friends have either dated him or wished they'd dated him. He is the proverbial hot, young, muscled bartender that all the girls swoon over. It will be fun to see where this goes with either him or Rocker Boy.

Unless.....!!!!! Yeah, you know how this sentence ends.

New Tinder boy

I've been on Tinder for oh, probably 6 months and have had some good luck with finding hotties there! I had a "match" yesterday, imagine a blonde Harry Styles. Very cute. Only 19 years old. The way Tinder works is, you can't write anyone until they've "swiped right" and you have too. So, guess we both "swiped right" which means we both liked each other, and then we were able to begin texting each other.

And I just looked for our messages and he's deleted his profile.

Hmmm.

Well, I really can't say it went well. I wasn't impressed.

I WAS impressed with him until he showed up. I loved the way he talked to me. He was very sweet, very very complimentary and very respectful. I get tons of messages and they range from the obscene to the sweet, and he was definitely at the sweet end of the spectrum. He was perfect. He said I was perfect. We exchanged snapchat names and snaps, and he was as cute as his profile pics. Yay!! And he thought I was just perfect. I couldn't wait to meet him.

He insisted he coudn't wait. We discussed our schedules and decided to meet this morning at 7:30. Then after some texting we decided fuck I'd just sneak him in after midnight. So that's what I did last night!

It was pouring rain, but that didn't deter him. He was staying with his mom literally 5 minutes away. He came in and he had a hoodie on. He was much smaller than he looked in his pics (he looked like six feet tall; I think he was more like 5-9) and he was really taken with how big my house was. He wanted a tour so I gave him a short tour, and he was just like "wow" and my house isn't even that big. Then we went upstairs to my bedroom.

I can't remember if he kissed me when we met at the door; I think he did but it was NOTHING like F. He was nothing like F. F devoured me, couldn't get enough of me and was SO into me. This guy, let's call him Harry (for Harry Styles since he looked a lot like him) acted the complete opposite of the way he talked in his texting.

He was attentive once the clothes started coming off. He was very cute, very skinny (yum) and seemed very comfortable with his body. He seemed experienced and wasn't afraid to make the first move. He had sent me a very sexy shirtless Snapchat just before he came over and you could see the tip of his hard cock in it. It got me very turned on.

He took off his hoodie and laid back down and laid down on my bed, and grabbed me and started kissing me. It was passionate and I liked it BUT he tasted like cigarettes. If I'm drunk it turns me on, if I'm not (and I wasn't) it kind of turns me off. But he was a good kisser.

I liked his skinny body and climbed on top of him and straddled him. I loved rubbing my crotch over his hard cock and teasing him. I was wearing a red bra and thong and a sexy red teddy over it. He loved squeezing the shit out of my nipples--no one had ever done it like that before! That was hot. He'd alternate squeezing them with sucking them. That was so hot.

I couldn't wait to taste him. He promised me he was manscaped and he delivered. It was a beautiful sight, and it didn't take me long to slurp those balls right into my mouth and suck that hard cock of his. He wasn't terribly huge which I was glad! I was able to take his entire dick in my mouth. He loved it.

We made out for a little while, then he took off my teddy and undid my bra. It was hot. The guy knew what he was doing. It wasn't too long till he took control and I loved it. He flipped me over, slid off my red panties, grabbed my legs and lifted me to his mouth. He buried his face in my pussy and it was amazing!!!! I wish he'd stayed there longer or gone back for more but he was eager to get inside of me. He asked where the condoms were and grabbed one off my nightstand. This part was so fun--he's on his knees in front of me, big hard dick pointing up at the ceiling and he tears open the package and slides the condom on. Fucking sexy. I'm getting turned on just writing about it!

With one hand on my ass and one hand on his dick, he pushed it into me and fucked me hard. One or two thrusts, and he said, "oh no, I'm coming already" and he was done. I got up and got him a towel and he cleaned himself up in it and I went and tossed it in the trash and came back. He was putting his clothes on when I got back and I said, "Stay please?" He said he wasn't leaving but just wanted to put his clothes on. I said "Ok" and I stayed naked. He laid down on his tummy and I laid down next to him. He got his phone and I got mine; I texted my hubby to let him know what was going on. He was 30,000 feet in the air on a plane headed for Asia but he was super turned on.

Harry scrolled through his pictures and described them to me. He's really into cars and "crotch rockets" and had some cool videos of him racing. What a rush! I liked that he was an adrenaline junkie. So is F. They don't know each other (as far as I know) but they have so much in common. He showed me pics of his sister and his mom, his dad, and his best friend who's in the Army. He seemed like he really just needed to talk about himself to someone who gave a shit, like he was lonely. He seemed very sad, and as he scrolled through his pics he let me see who he really was, which was really awesome. What was sad was he didn't seem interested in ME at all. I offered to show him MY phone, which is full of pics too LOL and he said, "Yeah!" but never put his phone down or ask me to show it to him. He seemed very far away, even though he was laying right next to me.

What I did like was he was a gentleman the whole time, and what I liked was he didn't get all ashamed and get up and leave embarrassedly like my last two Tinder guys. I liked that he stayed, but we didn't really connect. He wasn't into me it seemed. He never really looked at me, or asked me any questions about myself. He was totally into his own world. The only time he was into me was during sex. F was into me before, during AND after and that's what I'm looking for.

Harry had texted me that he wanted to spend the night, or at least stay till the wee morning hours, but he left about an hour after he arrived. He said he had school at 6:30 am, which it occurred to me later that it must've been a lie cuz he had originally been planning on coming to see me THIS morning at 7:30 after I dropped my daughter off at school. SOOOOO......whatever. I mean, I liked him a lot, and I'd definitely give him a second chance, but I won't pursue him at all. It will be up to him. It wasn't satisfying to me at all.

Back to the drawing board as they say.

Interesting revelation

A week has gone by, and I'm wondering if F and his gf are back from their little road trip. That and I have today off, AND I'm home sick, and I have time to do a little more detective work and see what recent pics he's posted of their sexy little vacay together. Well, I can't tell if they're still there or back, but I did learn two things--she has a car just like his, just a different color. They drive the same sports car. There's a pic of their two cars side by side and she commented on them. AND THERE'S A PIC OF HIS CAR FROM BEHIND WITH THE LICENSE PLATE AND IT'S NOT THE SAME CAR THAT WAS PARKED NEXT TO ME AT CLASS LAST WEEK!!!!!!!!! He'd put new exhaust pipes on his car and that's why the pic of it from the rear. I went to my photos to see the license plate of the car that I thought was his and realize it wasn't his car!!!!!!!!!!!!! So......explains his lack of response! I can't wait to tell my BFF. She will LOL for sure.

So whatever.

I'm working on ME now. He will always have a place in my heart, and a place in my life and my bed if he comes back, but I'm not going to sit around and pine for him any longer. I've got more important things to do.

My hubby and I are headed to LA!!! Can't wait!!!!! We've got reservations at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood and we have tickets to an exclusive swingers party at the Ma Maison Sofitel Saturday night! Can't wait!!

And we haven't had any alcohol for over 3 weeks and we are going to drink tmrw!! My first drink will be a bloody mary on the plane. Oh yeah! Let the fun begin!

Oh, and why is it all the hotties on OK Cupid don't live anywhere near me??? WTF??? And the ones that do are all scared to meet me??

A-Ha Moment

Well, if anything becoming a detective due to my husband's infidelities taught me, it's effective sleuthing! I have learned how to check on people. I can't reveal my ways but let's just say I know my way around the Internet. AND guess what I found??? I found a way to view F's Instagram (he blocked me from seeing it) and guess what?? He's back with his GF, the one who cheated on him. The one he laid in MY bed telling me about. Yep, and not only did I run into him twice in four days, BUT I miss him by sheer hours at the car wash as well! He'd posted a pic of his sports car just hours after I had gone there myself! Is this not the craziest irony??

But here's the kicker: He posted a pic of the two of them together and I can't write what they said (I've been warned about quoting off the Internet here) but suffice it to say they are still quite together. And the vacation he said he was taking? The one where he said, "YES we need to see each other def when I get back from vacation" is a road trip to Florida with HER!!!!!! 

I'm not stalking him because I'm a crazy bitch in love. I have learned that people lie. And the only way to get the truth is to do a little detective work because people who lie leave clues. And he's stupid--just like my husband was stupid---he thinks cuz he blocked me I can't see what he's up to. I CAN. AND I DO. 

And my lovely F has fallen off his pedestal.

I will not be an affair whore. That's not who I am. I know both their Facebooks still say they're "single" which is confusing but I guess we will see when he gets back if he contacts me. He obviously deleted my phone number because that last Saturday when I wrote him his text response was, "(my name) who?" Cuz I guess he knows a number of girls who have the same name as me. When he realized it was me he was very glad to hear from me.

There's one more piece of the puzzle.......guess what????

His GF "liked" another pic of me I posted on MY Instagram!!! I posted a pic of me flexing my bicep at the gym. Now you have to understand, she is not a "follower", but I guess my page isn't private so anyone can comment/follow me. This is the second time she's "liked" one of my pics.

And she "liked" it at approximately midnight Friday night. When she was with HIM. IN FLORIDA. PROBABLY LAYING IN BED WITH HIM. 

I can just imagine how the conversation went.

HER to F:  "Hey! Look at (my son's mom---that's how she knows me). Isn't she hot for her age?" 

She shows it to him. They're laying naked and she's showing him a pic of ME to him and commenting on how good I look.

F: (inside freaking out, dick getting hard, remembering our hot roll in the hay in MY bed) "yeah, I guess so" and acts all non-chalant. 

HER: clicks "like" and thinks nothing of it. 

After all, she suspects nothing. He's all hers. I'm just the mom of his friend who took prom pics of them three years ago. That's the last time she and I saw each other.

I found those pics yesterday on my laptop. I was curious how he looked. And that's when I realized it had been 3 years since I'd seen him, NOT two. He was only 16 (nearly 17) then. No wonder I didn't remember him. I didn't remember her either. I remembered only his dad's red Ferrari and how handsome my son looked in his tux. 

So.....I have all the information now. And as to why he didn't respond about the pic I took of our cars together? I'm guessing he just deleted it cuz he was with her. 

Which doesn't hurt my feelings one bit. I haven't done anything wrong. My hubby knows everything. Of course I tell him!! He knows how I feel about F and how upset I was. He's always picking up the pieces after these guys break my heart. At least now I know the TRUTH so he can't play me anymore.

He's soooo young. He's only 19. And she's only 18. They're so immature. I'm moving on and if and when he decides he wants to see me, he knows how to contact me. Of course I'll see him again. 

He knows where I live. 

And for the record, I'm talking to at least 6-8 different guys, and none of them are close to his looks and charm. He was great in bed and great out of bed too. He's def a hard act to follow.

I'll keep looking.

Anna blows it again

Okay so I haven't had a chance to fill you in on the latest exciting news about F, the one guy I just can't get out of my mind. I hadn't heard from him since Christmas, when he texted me, "Merry Christmas" and that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch cuz he'd been really busy. And then I'd texted him obviously too many times, hoping he'd come over and stay with me as my husband and daughter had left to go visit family and I had the house to myself for four days. He'd never responded, and broke my heart.

Three months have gone by, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I pass his fire house on the way to work every day, not just because I'm hoping to see his car (which I have never even once seen it) but because it's truly the fastest way to get to work. I have left him alone. I have too much pride to continue to chase someone who doesn't want to be caught. I've actively tried to replace him but so far no one has stepped into those big shoes.

So the most incredible thing happened Saturday! I took a different route to work, just thinking maybe traffic would be lighter going a different way since it was so early in the morning. I got off the freeway offramp, and as I made the turn, there was a white Jeep coming off the offramp from my right. Guess who it was????!! YES!!! IT WAS F!!!

I nearly shit my pants. I recognized it from his profile pic. One thing I have to stop here and add is that his parents are rich. His dad is a businessman, I'm not exactly sure what he does, but he replaced his red Ferrari with a yellow Lambo, and F is totally into cars as well. He has two, the white Jeep and another one I can't say here for fear of discovery, but suffice it to say it's one-of-a-kind too. A black car is all I can say.

I recognize the Jeep instantly, and I start shaking. OMG OMG OMG It's HIM!!!!!! THE ONE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IS RIGHT THERE!!! He pulls behind me!!! And I have to say that I also have a one-of-a-kind car, with a personalized license plate to boot, and he's seen and been in my car. He HAS to know it's me he's behind, right???? As we both go through the green light, I wonder if he'll flash his lights at me or honk or do something to acknowledge me. He doesn't.

A half mile after the green light, he gets into the left hand turn lane, and sadly, he doesn't do anything to acknowledge me. I was too far ahead for our cars to be side-by-side or I'd have waved at least. At that split-second, I want to jerk my steering wheel and follow him. I look GOOD---I'm on my way to work, my outfit is hot and my hair and makeup are looking fine and it's actually a perfect moment to run into the man I can't get out of my heart.

I do no such thing and keep driving straight to work, shaking the whole time.

I felt like I blew it.

But I rationalized that I made that choice to not follow him based on the fact that number 1, he never texted me back three months ago and has made no effort to see or talk to me, and number 2, he didn't acknowledge me so probably, I saved myself humiliation.

I got to work and had to shut my phone off and put it in my locker. I prayed that he'd text me.

Three or so hours later, I had my 15 min break, and grabbed my phone. Sadly, no text from him. I couldn't stand it. I texted him, "Was that you behind me on 83 this morning?" And I sat down, got my sandwich, and waited. I feverishly texted my hubby and my BFF what happened. And then a text from him came!!! I was SO fucking excited I took a screenshot of his name!!!! And guess what he said??
"who is this?" My heart sank. He must've deleted me from his phone. I was heartbroken.

I answered, "(my name)". He wrote back, "(my name) who lol but ya that was me." I wrote back my last name with the two pink hearts emoticon. He wrote again, "well hi (my name)" My heart jumped back into my chest hopefully! I said, "How are you handsome? Lookin hot in that hot jeep". He wrote right back again!!! "Thanks its my buddies actually! I've been good, busy working a lot. How've you been?" I wrote, "Me too! Working and working out...doing good! Would love to see you again" (no punctuation because I usually use too much and he uses too little. Not like me, I HATE bad punctuation but I was trying to mimic his style.

Then my fifteen-minute break was over, and I had to put my phone back in my locker for the next 3 hours. I went back to work with a spring in my step, hoping and praying he'd write me again. I couldn't WAIT to clock out and grab my phone. And sure enough, there were 2 texts from him waiting for me!!!! I couldn't read them fast enough! And here's what he'd said, "Yeah we need to see each other soon! Def once I get back from vacation" (again, no punctuation) and then a second text, "How has work been for you" (again, no punctuation). It was now three hours later. I answered back, "Sorry for the delay I've been at work lol where are you going? We are headed to California can't wait" (punctuation left out on purpose)

The a second text to him, "Work is crazy can't wait to get away. But more excited to see you again" with a kiss emoticon. Haven't heard back.

So, once again, I said too much, and probably seemed needy. I decided to just let it go and wait and see what he does. I was SO happy he responded so positively, he could've ignored me like he did before but he didn't! He even said, "We NEED to see each other" so I'm going with that!

AND THEN YESTERDAY HAPPENED.

I've been attending a creative writing class at the junior college every semester, including summer, for the last 2 years. This one is every Tuesday night, 7-9 pm. I always race in at the last minute, and last night was no different. There's never a place to park, I always have to wait for someone whose class let out at 7 leave. Well, last night was no different, a woman was just pulling out and I took her spot.

Guess whose car was right in front of mine.

YES!!! F's black sports car!!!!!!

I couldn't fucking believe it!! There was no question it was his. I know what it looks like. It was in my driveway for Christ's sake. And to make sure, I grabbed my phone and quickly looked at his profile pic on his Facebook page, and yep, the tell-tale sign was the distinctive wheels and the little tree air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.

I couldn't believe the irony. Twice in four days???? I took a pic of our two cars together, and did the dumbest thing I could've done.

Sent it to him with a text, "I just parked for class..is this your car next to mine? lol"

He has not responded.

I didn't think anything of it; to me, it was hilariously ironic that I'd see him twice in four days. And I honest-to-God didn't even know he was taking classes here!! He graduated already with his firefighter degree (whatever it's called) and he had told me he wanted to quit and follow in his father's footsteps, so yeah, maybe he's taking business classes but I had no knowledge of that whatsoever. So I could not believe here was his car, and the only parking space available had been no choice of my own whatsoever. It literally felt like fate was bringing us together again. Even my BFF said so.

I went to class and couldn't stop looking at my phone, waiting for him to respond. I figured he's in class and hasn't seen it, he'll respond at some point. He hasn't. Which upset me but not too much UNTIL BOTH MY HUSBAND AND MY BFF TOLD ME THEY THOUGHT IT LOOKED CREEPY.
THAT'S NOT HOW I WANTED TO LOOK TO HIM.

To me, it was just, "OMG how ironic is THIS!!!!" and honestly, if I'd been parked next to any friend of mine I'd have done the same thing.

When both my husband and BFF told me how creepy that was that I took that pic and sent it to him, I literally started to shake again and cry. What is wrong with me??? Why did I not see it that way??? Why couldn't I just think it myself how awesome it is that he was right there too??? That wow, maybe one Tuesday night if I got there a little earlier, I might bump into him??? BUT NO I HAD TO GO AND RUIN IT. I ALWAYS SAY AND DO THE WRONG THINGS WITH THIS MAN.

I said to my BFF, "How about I text him and say something like, "OMG that totally was hilarious that I'd run into you twice in four days. I didn't know you were going to classes here" or "I thought that was so ironic I just had to say hi". She said, "NO do not say anything else. It's too late for that. You should've done that right after you sent it. Just lay low now for awhile." So to me, that signified, "You fucked up."

I hate that I did that, I hate that I couldn't see that it might upset him, or anyone for that matter. I honestly thought he'd respond, "LOL how crazy is that??" and then ask me about my class, and I'd ask him about his, and so on. But no. I must've made him think I'm stalking him.

FUCK.

So I've probably ruined that chance with him. I need to forget him now. No more texting him. If I see his car again I will pretend I didn't. I won't follow him or acknowledge him.

But I got out of class (we ended early), and his car was still there next to mine. I looked at it wistfully; I touched it, and I was surprised it was a little dirty. I feared touching it would set off an alarm! It was freezing out, so I got in my car and started the engine to warm up, and just sat there for a few minutes thinking about him. Thinking about, "HE'S HERE!!! HE'S IN THIS SAME BUILDING AS ME!" and hoping and wondering when he'd come out. I wanted to sit there and wait for him (and of course, make it look like I just got there hahaha). But I didn't. I left.

I thought that him coming out and seeing that I was gone would make him feel relieved, like it wasn't stalking nor a big deal. I didn't leave a note on his car, I didn't do anything else. I just left. And who knows what he thinks about it. I am definitely leaving him alone now.

I was planning on texting him when I hear back from Holli and Michael about next week's Playboy Radio show. Did I tell you we might be guests again? They are currently rearranging their guest schedule to accommodate us. I was going to leave F alone until I knew the date and time we were going to be on it and then tell him to listen. I probably won't now.

Time to move on.

Tweet explained

For whatever reason, Mr. S has not responded to the one and only text I sent him on Monday, a simple, "Hi Handsome". So....guess he didn't enjoy me as much as I enjoyed him. Or whatever. So unfortunately, the search for my F replacement begins anew. I'm always juggling half a dozen new hotties, waiting to find "the one" who will be my new FWB. I hate one-night stands (or lately, Wednesday stands LOL) and the last 3 turned out to be exactly that. There are three that I've kept on the back burner, stringing them along cuz I'm only "eh" on them. I don't know how to let anyone know I'm not interested after getting their hopes up so I ghost back myself, or tell them, "hey, just busy" and honestly, for the most part, I've learned these guys chicken out most of the time anyways. They just want to jerk off to pics of me and as flattering as that is, there's plenty of porn out there. You don't need me for that. 

So....back to the land of the plenty hehehehe I looked at all my new messages on my OK Cupid and lo and behold was a hottie I thought could fill the bill. I'll call him Denny. Mmmmm. AND bonus points for him, he lived nearby! (If you think that's odd, let me tell you--most of my messages seem to come from half-way around the world. I'm popular with the Turkish men for some reason.....). I responded to his compliments and told him he was quite a hottie as well. It took off from there, and by yesterday, literally only a half a day of correspondence, I was ready to fuck him. Mmmm. We had exchanged phone numbers and the naughty pics were flying back and forth.

So....Wednesday being my free day, he said he worked at 11:30 am, could he come before work? I said I have boxing, sorry. I can't keep missing it for sex. I know, I know, I can hear you all making fun of me. This was Tuesday evening. Then he said that he would try to get his schedule changed so he could come over at 11:00 am, which I said would be perfect. Or that I was free Friday, no boxing Friday so he could come over as early as 8:00 am!! He said no, Friday wouldn't work.

Well, 8:30 am yesterday, he sends me a text, "Sorry, can't get off work today." I wrote back, "that's fine, I understand! Let's aim for next week!" So I go along my merry way, and go to the gym for boxing. Then I get asked to sub a tennis drill, which goes till 11:30. My cell phone is in my locker from 9-11:30. When I get to it, he's written like 15 texts and had called me 4 times. 

It appears he WAS able to switch his schedule after all.

And he was desperately trying to get ahold of me.

I got to my car, and as it warmed up (it was like 12 degrees yesterday) I read them all. He hadn't left any voicemails, but I knew he wanted to still get together. At this point, I'd been at the gym for 2-1/2 hours. It was creeping close to 11:40 and I knew he needed to be at work now by 1:00. As I sat there contemplating things, he kept calling. I didn't answer. I knew I needed a shower, which included washing my hair (I wash it every other day), and I was starving, so it wasn't the ideal situation. Yes, he was hot.

I texted him an apology, saying I'd had my phone in my locker and just now seeing the messages. He said simply, "what's your address?" I said, "It's not going to work today. I need a shower, I need food". He said again, "what's your address?" He wasn't taking no for an answer. Then he said sweetly, "(my name), you don't need to be all showered up for me. I'm sure you're hot the way you look right now." And maybe to him I DID, but I didn't feel hot like this. I said, "This will be your first impression of me. I want to look and smell good for you. This isn't how I want it to be." Because ladies and gentleman, the truth is, I've met guys and looked my best, and had the best sex of my life, and they STILL ghost me afterwards. My self-esteem can't allow some new 19 year old hottie into my bed the way I looked. 

I guess he didn't agree. 

I was starting to actually feel bullied. 

He actually said this, and I'm quoting him verbatim, "I rearranged my schedule for you. Something's gotta happen."

Yeah. 

I said, "Not today."

Then he said, and again I quote, "well then lose my #...what the fuck".

I never responded.

I was literally shaking reading all this. He thought I owed him because he changed his work schedule at the last minute??

If anything my husband's infidelities have taught me, it's that sometimes, all I have to go on is my gut. That physical sensation that tells me if I'm safe or not safe, if something is or isn't right, when there's a lack of actual proof.

I'm SO glad I listened to it yesterday. He didn't care at all what I wanted or how I felt. How abusive a lover he might've been if my feelings didn't matter one iota???? 

I'm someone's mother. I have value beyond being someone's sex slave. And I didn't even know this guy. I have been very lucky that I've met only sweet, caring and thoughtful guys in the 12 years I've been doing this. This could've gone very badly.

That's the bullet I dodged yesterday.

                                                ****************************

Oh, and F deleted his Facebook . 

But maybe he just blocked me, not sure. Cuz if I go into Messenger, it says he's "Online and will receive your messages instantly." 

So wtf????

Has he blocked me? I asked my BFF to go on her FB and search for him and see if she can see his page. She hasn't gotten back to me. But damn I got it bad for that boy. 

Have a great day all you sexy people out there!!!!!

Love,

Anna XO

Risky sex

This was definitely the sexiest weekend of my life. It started Friday with a new lover that rocked my world. I'm falling hard for him already, and I am in that scary place where I haven't heard from him since Saturday and wondering if he feels the same way.

He found me on OK Cupid. He sent me this message, "You are beyond beautiful. I would fuck the shit out of you!" with a heart/smiley emoticon. I looked at his profile: 19 years old, a firefighter, and so godddamn good looking. I got wet just looking at his abs. And those brown eyes. Mmm. Something about him just smoldered right through my phone. He'd written four days prior, and I was just now seeing it. I wrote him back, "Mmmm you are just what I'm looking for. Text me...(my name and number)." He literally texted me instantly, and shockingly, his name came up in my phone! I hadn't recognized him from his profile but the name was instantaneous.

He is one of my son's friends from high school.

They double-dated for the prom two years ago. Took pics in front of my house. With him and his GF, my son and his GF, and his parents.

YEAH.

So of course I freaked out. I was terrified he'd tell my son. We texted all afternoon; he said he could trust me, that he'd never "kiss and tell", and that he hasn't seen or talked to my son since they graduated. That he's 19 now and a firefighter, lives on his own, etc. I told him that I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I didn't remember him. He said, "TBH I thought I did recognize you, I always thought you were beautiful." OMG. The compliments kept coming.

I didn't honestly remember him. I was more impressed with the Ferarri LOL. And he was just 17 then and my kid was in a tux! I wasn't looking at his buddy! I have NEVER looked at any of my son's friends in a sexual way. To me, my son will always feel like he's still 10 and so his friends are just kids to me. So this was very weird and uncomfortable, until we kept talking. It was obvious he was all grown up now and since I hadn't remembered him (other than his unique name and that he was here...and yes, I have pics....) it was like meeting a stranger. 

He tore my defenses down.

I started texting my hubby how badly I wanted him. He said, "If you can trust him, you can have him." I was soooo happy! F reassured me he could be trusted.

We wanted each other so badly.

I had to work later in the day, but I was free. He said he got off work at noon and could be here by 1.

I said, 'Perfect!"

I didn't need to give him my address.

I took a sexy selfie of myself when I was all ready and sent it to him. He loved it. He kept saying all the right things. I was beyond excited.

When he showed up, it was just magical. He had a big grin and looked even hotter in person. He came in and my dog greeted him with his nose in his business and politely petted him, and instantly just met my gaze and kissed me. He's got the fullest lips I've ever seen and he was a GREAT kisser. OMG. So much desire for this man. We just stood there kissing, eating each other up hungrily.

We finally broke apart and I led him into the kitchen where I had a bottle of peppermint schnapps and two glasses out for us. I had told him I needed it for my nerves cuz I was so nervous and excited to see him. I had had a vanilla vodka shot ten minutes before he'd shown up, and it didn't even have any effect. We chatted as we poured it and sipped, but he kept getting closer and kissing me. I couldn't get enough of him. My stupid dog wanted to go out so I let him out and we kept making out in the kitchen waiting for the dog to come back. It was fun. He undid his belt and put my hand on his dick right there in the kitchen and it was rock hard. It was so exciting. This is always my favorite part--foreplay.

We kept at it until I could wait no longer. Being that it was freezing out, I had to get that fucking dog back in before we went upstairs! I went to the front door and yelled for him. Thankfully he came running in! I took F by the hand and led up him upstairs.

He undressed and I helped him :)) yummy there's nothing so exciting as undressing a new hottie!!! And he had a HUGE hard dick. What is it about these short guys with huge dicks??? My good fortune for sure!!! And he WAS passionate. I felt like he was in love with me. THAT kind of passion. He had this intense eye contact like he possessed me. I was jumping out of my skin. I told him I had never felt like this before, and it wasn't a lie. I thought Jordan was amazing, and he was, but I realized later that Jordan made incredible eye contact only a few times, and F made eye contact constantly. It seriously was the sexiest feeling, and I told him so. I said, "no one has ever looked at me the way you look at me." And that made him look even more intently at me. If I wasn't absolutely mad about him it would be creepy hahaha

With every touch, he possessed me. I can't explain it. We were so hungry for each other. We devoured each other. I didn't feel that with Jordan. Jordan had fun with me but now, comparing the two, F made me feel like he NEEDED me. Like he couldn't live without me. He had a comfortableness with his own body, he made me feel so safe and loved. 

And he actually told me he loved me.

No one has ever accidentally told me they loved me before. I said it to Jordan while I was fucking him, and I knew he'd think, "eh, I'm just hot in bed." But the truth was I was falling for him. And here I am again, falling for someone again. And HARD. And HE told ME he loved ME, NOT the other way around. Did he mean it??

We did it in every position we could think of. And I had stopped and bought condoms cuz sadly, I knew I had to be careful, cuz not only could I catch something from him, he could possibly catch something from me. I don't know if my chlamydia is gone or not. Thank GOD I have an appt today in an hour!!!

Anyways, yeah, I told him mid-fuck I had gotten it. That I took meds and it was probably gone. My hubby freaked out when I told him this! He said, "WHAT??? YOU TOLD HIM???' He said gently then, 'You have such strong morals. You knew he needed to know. That wasn't the time to tell him!" So of course now I'm freaking out. I could barely sleep last night. So I made an appt first thing this morning. I hope to God I'm clean so I can tell him.

Okay, so back to Friday!

He was so full of passion. And he LOVES to give oral!! yay!!! Lucky me!!! He was GOOOOOOD. Mmmmmm. But of course I can never relax with someone new; I don't know why but I'm so self-conscious. He was amazing. Best lover I've ever had (aside from hubby).  There was so much passion. 

He wanted to come in me but not with a condom on. He wanted to come on me instead, and that's so hot I said sure! He was on top of me at this point and pulled out and tore off the condom and squirted his cum all over my breasts. It was fucking hot. Mmmm. Afterwards he laid down next to me, put his arm around me and pulled me close. He was so intimate. He told me how he lived in the basement of a house with a few roommates and I said how I'd love to come over. He loved the idea. He shared so much about himself...intimate things. About what happened with his GF who he was with for 3 years. How she cheated on him. He told me how he is going to be learning his dad's business cuz he's having a hard time now being a firefighter and seeing people in agony. He was just so real. We clicked like I've never clicked with anyone. With Jordan I was shaking the whole time. With F I was relaxed and I felt loved and safe. When he fucked me he'd hold me tight and one time I told him, "I can't get close enough to you."

I had set my phone alarm for 2 since I had to go pick up my daughter from school, and the alarm went off. We were talking at the moment and we hated the interruption. As we got dressed, he said how beautiful I looked (again!!!) OH and I forgot to tell you he said I was such a hot MILF and that I was his first MILF!!! I told him, "Yay!! I'm so honored!!!" We had such great chemistry. I stopped feeling nervous the minute he touched me. 

He loves cars, and told me his dad sold the red Ferrari and bought a Lambo. Damn they're rich! I told him what car I drove and he said OMG I love those and we walked out into the garage so I could show him my car. He opened the door, got in and sat down, and saw it was a 5-speed. He shifted the gears and high-fived me it was a manual. When he got out, he said, "have you ever fucked in your car?" and I laughed and said I hadn't. He said he'd love to fuck me in it or on it. "How about both?" he said with a huge mischievous grin! Mmmm. We kissed more, our bodies pressed together so hard. I said, "OMG I'm so ready to go again!" He said "me too!" but I had to go. I opened the garage door to let him out and we kissed until it opened, and then kissed again. We broke apart and he walked out, looking back at me the whole time. We both got in our cars at the same time, and I basically followed him down the street. He did this cute side-to-side movement with his car (I was right behind him) and I flashed my lights back. 

I spent the rest of the day on cloud nine.

Did I mention how much I loved fucking his body??? OMG those abs in his profile pic were in my bed! He even let me take a pic of him laying there naked on my bed. OMG I masturbated to that pic last night, my desire for him is so strong. I can't stand it. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and I want him SO badly. I sent him a selfie Saturday on my way to work and he wrote back I looked beautiful and hoped I had a "fabulous' day. I said, "I will now because you made my day."

That was Saturday around 11 am. Haven't heard from him since. So now I'm in that place I hate...desperate for him and wondering if he feels the same way.

I'm going fucking out of my mind. I'm hoping that my doctor gives me the clear sign so I can tell him and reassure him. Stupid me.

Every minute that goes by he doesn't text me is sheer agony. He had said he was off work today and I was planning on going to his house. It's just after 9 am and I can't stand it. I'm so glad I'm going to the doctor.

He had said he could "do without a phone", so I'm trying not to make too much out of it. Hubby says to "calm down". 

BTW I forgot to say that we both said we didn't like ONS, and that we both wanted someone "regular" not multiple partners. It truly seemed we both wanted the same thing. It seemed we were meant for each other right from the start. The other thing is, I told him that if we did indeed become "regulars" I would delete my OK Cupid profile. He liked that.

And guess what???!! He's already deleted HIS. So I have NO idea what to make of this.

I will write him if I have good news from my doctor. And if I don't, and if I don't hear from him soon, I will write him anyways, cuz I honestly can't stand it. I can't stand the silence, I can't stand not hearing from him. If he's done with me already this will hurt BAD.

And my son is home from college, and I'm scared. I have so much to lose.