Hairy Guy saves the day

My hubby was in another state for work last night, so I wanted to make the most of my solo evening and wrote New Guy that I was free and would he like some company?? I assumed since he'd invited me over several times (which I'd declined bc I wasn't "ready" yet) would def want to get together. After all, we'd just had this awesome video sex, and he was calling me daily, texting me non-stop.

And I think I wrote yesterday that I knew something had changed when he hadn't opened my snapchat from the night before, and hadn't texted back either. Finally he did, three texts in a row, something about how he couldn't find his phone "until just now." I've used that line before so I knew it was code for, "I didn't really want to respond, but I'm an asshole if I don't".  So imagine my humiliation now having basically thrown myself at him and he still has not even responded. And it's not like he "can't find his phone", because he's posted shit on his Facebook! He's just fucking ghosting me! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!! SEE???!! THERE WAS A REASON HE NEVER GOT A NAME FROM ME!!! I'm pissed beyond pissed. But I am always right about chemistry. I had to work too hard at it, but when I finally felt it, guess it was too late for him. Big fucking deal. I don't give a shit. His loss. I'm done. If I hear from him it had better be good bc I don't plan on responding. And I'm not going to humiliate myself further by sending "???'s either. 

LET IT GO ANNA.

I wasn't about to sit home tho. And ironically, Hairy Guy was in town, literally just for the one night! So we Snapchatted back and forth all day, and I lied and told him I had plans with girlfriends and wasn't sure I could get out of it. Truth was, I was holding out for New Guy. I wrongly assumed he was just at work, because he DID write me "good morning" as usual and a few scattered texts, so I had no reason to believe my plans with him would fizzle. By 4:30, I was beyond pissed off, and decided to see Hairy Guy and if New Guy wrote me, I would tell him sorry he took too long to respond so I made other plans.

AND I DID MAKE OTHER PLANS!!!!

Hairy Guy was all in. I made a hotel reservation, the same one I met Abercrombie at that has a cute bar adjoining it. I could hardly get ready bc he kept sending me sexy snapchats. We were both getting ready for our date and he was getting so excited he sent me a video of himself jerking off. What a fucking hottie!!

He was staying with family literally a mile away from me, and since he lives in Florida, he didn't have a car, so I went to pick him up. He was as adorable as his snapchats. He's got hair longer than mine (he even agreed it was!) and he's the complete opposite of Blondie except for the length of their hair. Oh, and they both have blue eyes. He's called Hairy Guy for a reason LOL he's always got some sort of 3-4 day stubble on his face, long black very curly hair, and a very hairy chest. He doesn't "manscape" at all. Which is usually the complete opposite of what I'm usually attracted to so it kind of surprises me I'm so insanely attracted to him!

Shortly before I let to pick him up, he backed out of meeting me entirely. Said something about how it was "immoral" bc I have a husband and kids and a house and all. I was like "whoa whoa whoa" and had to explain my sitch to him all over again. He also mentioned something about a girl he was seeing who wasn't really his girlfriend but he was "holding out for her." I was annoyed and probably should've cancelled our date, but by then I was all dressed up and very horny and damn if I wasn't going to get some attention!! I cancelled the hotel reservation and told him we would just have dinner. That if I ate I wouldn't want to fuck anyways. LOL He softened and said, "YEAH!!"

I should summarize that we've known each other for almost 2 years! We "met" on Tinder and after nearly hooking up, I did a little digging and saw that he was FB friends with my DAUGHTER!! I was like no no no no no this can NEVER happen.

So we've been friends ever since. We really are. I feel like I know him pretty well. He sends me snapchats all the time, and I to him. We discuss my daughter and her possible pot smoking. He swears he has no idea who she is, or my son for that matter. They all went to the same high school and kids know kids and friends of other friends is all. Having known him this long I believe him. So I just thought, this will be fun to finally meet him. No pressure.

In the car on the way to the restaurant he let me pick. he was telling me a story that included the information that he was only 19!! I freaked and said, "WTF??? WHY DID I THINK YOU WERE 24!!!!!" He laughed and said, "Anna you know how young I am! I was barely 18 when we first started talking and that's why you wouldn't meet me!" He said everyone thinks he looks 24-26. He said he's even a bar-back where he lives in Florida and that's why they let him keep the job even though he's under 21. He said his fake ID is so legit looking, and I laughed and told him that I'm sure they'd serve him anyways bc I'm sure they'll just think I'm your mom!!

We had a great time together. He's super ADD and talks a mile a minute and hardly stops to take a breath, but he always had eye contact. He never once looked around the room at anyone else, he was focused on me and only me the entire time. We had 2 margaritas, and nibbled on the tortilla chips and guac, and I thought, "well, this isn't going anywhere" which was the plan, so I tossed my credit card to the bartender and asked for the bill. After I signed it I told Hairy Guy I had to use the bathroom. He gave me the sweetest smile, and for the first time, I saw dimples, peeking out from all that stubble. I stopped and said, "I'm having a great time. Are you?" And he said, "fuck yeah!" I said, "I don't have to leave. Want another??" and again he said, "fuck yeah!" I said, "ok awesome! I'm going to go to the bathroom. Order us another round?" He said, "sure!!!"

I was like, oh Anna, a THIRD margarita??? That spells either trouble or sex. Hehehehe

As we were talking he started putting his hand on my knee or thigh when he gestured. I didn't mind at all. We had crazy chemistry, and we were such good friends, I was relaxed and not at all nervous. I ordered food when I got back bc I was afraid I would end up quite sick as i hadn't eaten anything but a few chips. I barely touched it bc I was getting hornier and hornier for this hottie.

Finally it was time to leave, and we just simply walked to my car. Non-plussed. Just good buddies. With all this crazy chemistry that wasn't going anywhere. After I started driving, we got about 2-3 miles in and he said something about wanting to park somewhere and "make out". I said, "you sure??? I don't want u to do anything your uncomfortable with. That was the agreement." He said, "you're so hot baby and I've wanted you for almost 2 years. I'm so stupid. We should've kept that hotel room." I said, "oh well!! Maybe next visit!!!" By now his hand was up my dress and fingering my pussy and I was panting. I had no idea where to go and we laughed as we tried several different parking lots and found a dark corner finally. He pounced on me, he couldn't wait.

Kissing me ferociously. His fingers all up in my business, I took his man-bun down and grabbed a fistful of that sexy Jesus hair. He said all the young girls he dates tell him to cut it bc he looks too much like Jesus. I laughed and said I was agnostic so for me this is def going to be a religious experience!! He laughed too. And I wasn't nervous at all, and I felt so safe with him, he's so sweet. And a tiger and passionate. I found his hard dick and he undid the top of his pants and I sucked him off. He moaned like an animal and came so fast and tasted so fucking delicious. He kissed me more and fingered me until I came. It was fucking awesome.

And he goes back Monday, so I think I'll tease him today and see if he has changed his mind about fucking me.

Have a great weekend my sexy readers!!

Love, 

Anna XOXO

Hot virtual sex with New Guy!

The same day Blondie dumped me yet again, I had a visitor in the afternoon that was just what the doctor would've ordered----New Guy. He stopped by on his way home from his work break. He works like 2 miles from me! How convenient is THAT?!?!? Now remember, this is only the second time I've ever seen him in person. He caught me off-guard--I hadn't showered (I typically don't if all I'm doing is housework) so I was like eh, gimme 5 minutes to make myself somewhat presentable??! He was like I'm sure you look beautiful.

Awww.....yesssss. Thank you. I very much needed that today mister.

He's a chef in an Italian restaurant and primarily makes a lot of pizzas he was telling me, and therefore, that explained the flour on his Converse shoes. He looked adorable. Same red knit cap on, jeans that are way too baggy, and a jacket bc well, it's January. He came in and he was SUCH a gentleman. I believe I hugged him when he came in, but otherwise, he kept a good distance between us. I have to tell you he wasn't just there to see ME. He was buying pot off me. I buy it like once a year and forgot I even had it, and since he's a huge pot smoker, he offered to buy it from me so I was like, "sure, if I can find it!!" I knew I had it hidden from my kid somewhere in my closet. I found it and had brought it downstairs for him.

He didn't stay long, I'd say maybe 15-20 min. He told me it was "great shit" and how I was over-charged for it but that it was def "great shit". We talked about his work, I showed him what I'd been doing (working on the band's set list) and my dog approved and the two of them bonded. I was nervous as a schoolgirl (how cliche is THAT??!!) but his smile melted me. When he walked to the door to leave, he gave me that smile, and next thing I know, we're kissing so passionately, and as I press my body up against his, I feel his hard cock up against my groin and I realized I was instantly wet for him. I wanted him. It wasn't forced, it was genuine.

When we broke apart, it was awkward and fun. I'm sure my face was bright red with embarrassment. But it was awesome, bc I finally felt the chemistry I'd wanted to feel for him. He's worming his way into my heart. AND my pants LOL

Speaking of pants....

*******

The next day he called me (he calls me almost every day! I love it!) and he wanted to video call me and masturbate together! I was like SURE!!!! OKAY!!! I said I wanted to shower first and get prettied up.

I did, and put on a pretty red push-up bra and red thong, and texted him, "Ready!" And my phone rang immediately.

It was the first time I ever even saw him with his shirt off and without a knit cap! There was so much skin suddenly. It was a bit shocking but he was very pretty. He's lankier than he seems in clothes (must get him to get rid of those baggy jeans!!) and he's very sexy! A truly beautiful and hairless body (the way I love it!), long blonde hair but not as long as Blondie's. A small hoop earring in each ear. Blue eyes and full lips, and tattoos on his arms. He seemed very skilled at holding his cell phone while masturbating! The view was scrumptious. Beautiful big stiff cock and a wicked smile on his face at the same time. I posed for him and he'd purr, "mmmmm you're soooo beautiful" and "show me that pussy". It was fun pleasing him, and as he stroked his cock, I masturbated at the same time with one of my vibrators. He mostly complimented me while he stroked and moaned, occasionally giving me directions on what he wanted me to do. It was so fun. He started to cum and then I came with him. It made me def want to be with him as soon as possible.

The next day he wanted a repeat performance, as we still couldn't get together, and we were all set when my daughter came home unexpectedly early from school. Thank God he wasn't HERE!! I told him, 'you're on your own today I'm afraid mister" and asked if he'd like some sexy pics to assist. He said, "please???!!!" So I obliged, and posed for maybe 5-6 pics and snapchatted them to him. He screenshot nearly all of them.

And I'm pained to report, I've hardly heard from him since. I know that was only 2 days ago, but there's an obvious drop in his attention. He only texted me a couple times yesterday, and gave me the, "I lost my phone till just now" excuse, which I have used myself when I feel guilty at not writing back someone I don't really want to talk to. Then after a long lag time after my response (which I made light of it) he wrote, "I'll text you after work." My BFF said, "Don't respond for at least an hour. Find out if he really wants to talk to you. He'll double-triple text if he does." Which is what he usually does! He'll send 5-6 texts back-to-back. 

He didn't, and I took longer than an hour to respond, which he'd just written, "how are ya" (no punctuation ever, drives me crazy),  and I'd just said, "I'm good hun how's your day been" (no punctuation either). 

That was 6:16 pm last night. It's now almost 9 am and nothing. I sent him a silly snapchat last night of my dinner and he hasn't even opened it! So I'm sad and hurting and trying to decide, "do I text first again??? Do I wait? Do I send him another snapchat?? And while I'm thinking all this, I actually do nothing. If he misses me he will write me.

And lastly, I got yet another snapchat from Blondie yesterday. Two videos. He sends them to me and then also posts them to his "story". Which is bad snapchat etiquette, but he doesn't know any better, and it makes me happy so fuck etiquette!!! It lets me know he is thinking about me and wants to make sure I see it. I honestly don't know why he is so attentive now that he's dumped me. Maybe bc I didn't react the way he's used to girls reacting??? I don't make him feel guilty or get all cray. Or beg him to change his mind. Hmmm.. I am thinking he will date this new chick but like with Piggy Face, he thought of me the entire time he was with her, and still wanted to talk to me and fuck me.

I just have to be patient, and keep looking elsewhere. I would love to fall for New Guy, but this sudden lack of attention makes me feel like I need to get back on Tinder. 

Sigh.

Dumped again

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

We've got so much catching up to do!!

HOLY SHIT WHERE DO I START!?!?!?

Wow so my birthday was Thursday, very nice day, over 150 Facebook wishes and messages, and yes, Blondie did finally write me. I decided I would use that moment to write him further. Prodded by my BFF, I thanked him for the birthday wishes, and added a congrats to him on getting his new job, the one that will keep him from moving to Colorado! The next morning he thanked me and we wrote back and forth chit-chat off and on all morning. Finally, I poked him around 10:30 am the day after my birthday, "You should be inside me. Come over."

How would YOU react if someone you (apparently) really liked and had had a sexual relationship with wrote that to you??  Well, he responded first with, "haha hey now, I'm working."  A couple hours later I wrote simply, "when next then?" with a kissy face emoticon.

And that's when the shit hit the fan.

He waxed on about how he won't be able to "for awhile"--that there's someone else he's been talking to and "I can't do two things at once" That it makes him uncomfortable and "I know she wouldn't like it.' How the fuck would he know that???!!

He went on. Stab, stab, stab.

"I'm sorry. It just messes with me to do that to someone. If (sic) love to have a relationship. And this one had her eyes on me and I would be lying to say I didn't have mine on her."

I wanted to say, "go fuck yourself Blondie" but my dignity wouldn't allow it. I simply said, "well you def have to pursue that then! I totes get it....hopefully you and I will get to play again in the future." And he proceeded to send me a snapchat video right at that moment. And a few since.

I'm not ever going to be that crazy ex-girlfriend. And I know he will come back. He always does. Because like the Avril Lavigne song my band is doing right now, "Every second I'll be wrapped around your finger, cuz I can, cuz I can do it better, there's no other, so when's it gonna sink in, she's so stupid what the hell were you thinking!!!" --Girlfriend

**********

Post-Birthday notes

I kind of got what I wanted for my birthday yesterday--Blondie did finally write me around 5:30 pm, "I hope you have a great birthday (my name)" I wrote back, "thanks babe" with a kiss emoticon. He still hasn't read it. And then, around 9:00 I added, "congrats on the job that's awesome" because he'd posted a few days ago he got the job that will keep him here instead of moving to Colorado! And he's online right now, and still hasn't read those last two messages. So I went from ecstatic to down, and that's what he does to me. I AM happy he wrote me though, and I've learned with him that he WILL eventually always contact me, and when I see him, he will fill in all the blanks. It's just not enough for me. I want more. I ache for him, but if it's not both ways, I really can't keep doing this.

And New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me all day, sent me snapchats, complimented me, and even called me. We weren't able to see each other but it was ok bc there was no expectation that we would. He worked a long 10 hour day (he's a chef) and I had plans with my hubby and daughter.

And I'm not closing myself of to other guys yet. I'm still not sure about him. Our phone call was so awkward--I can't quite explain it. I think he makes me feel defensive. He's "all in" with me and I'm so hesitant. I was telling my hubby how Rocker Boy sent me a birthday message yesterday-I hadn't remembered but HE did that it was HIS birthday yesterday too! So he and I were chatting a bit, and I posted a pic of the two of us from that gig I met him at (and kissed him!) and I told my hubby how I had crazy chemistry for him the moment I laid eyes on him. And when he wrote me, all I wanted to do was fuck him.  And with New Guy, I just don't feel it yet. And he IS sexy and doing all the right things. My feelings for Blondie wouldn't stop me from fucking Rocker Boy, so that was kind of a light bulb moment. It's not that I'm soooo into Blondie apparently, maybe I'm just not that into New Guy.

Or I wonder if maybe I know I won't fall in love with Rocker Boy, I'll just have a splendid good time with him, and if I get naked with NG, I WILL fall in love and that's what scares me. And stupid Blondie doesn't even know or care how I feel about him and obviously it's wasted emotion the way I feel about him.

Have a great weekend sexy peeps! Wear your condoms! Be honest! Have fun!

What I want for my birthday

The day after a first date is always the barometer of how it went, and New Guy didn't disappoint. He wrote me first thing in the morning, and last thing at night (didn't call me though! First day he didn't call! But he worked a 10 hour day so it's ok!!) He was also the first person to wish me a happy birthday. Yes, today is my birthday! And my heart is heavy because the one person I want to be with today just posted a snapchat of himself and his adorable cat to his story, but didn't send it to ME.

And I refuse to open his snapchat stories. He's not looking at mine anymore, for about 3-4 days now, and he STILL hasn't responded since his, "I go in at 12:30" text last Monday. I KNOW I need to get over him!!! I KNOW THAT!!!! But DOING it is something else altogether.

I'm pouring all the energy that I would be wasting on Blondie into New Guy. It's so funny, I really need to figure out what to call him, not just on this blog but in reality! I am calling him by the nickname his friends gave him but it feels strange, and I can't call him by the same name as my hubby. I mean of course I can, but his Facebook is filled with his friends calling him by his nickname. Last night I asked him what his middle name is, and it sounds African-American, and he is very Caucasian and blonde, so that name doesn't fit either!!

I love how I can tell NG (for "new guy" until I come up with something better) how I REALLY feel, and he is so easy to talk to. For example, he didn't understand why I wouldn't just come over and hang out. He said, and I quote, "If you don't want to fool around yet that has nothing to do with where we hang out. I will respect you. So don't automatically think that you coming over means sex. We can just cuddle and watch TV. Whenever you're ready for anything else, we can cross that bridge then." And I really do know he'd honor that. He's not one of those slimy types that think once they get you into their apartment they pounce.

He asked me, "what are you waiting for?" in response to him saying he feels "a lot of chemistry" for me. Before I had a chance to respond, he wrote, "I wasn't ready to hold hands yet." That shocked me! We ARE awkward together, but isn't that how it usually is when you're getting to know someone??!! I think for me, I usually either feel it 100% or not at all. I told him about a guy I went out on a first Tinder date with last year--he was the guy who was super cute, had a cat and an apartment and it was when Blondie had just dumped me to "pursue" Piggy Face. I wanted SO badly to like him. We met at a bar, had 2 glasses of wine, and felt nothing. I even went back to his apartment, met his cat, we chatted, and I still felt nothing. It's like I'm back there again with this new guy. I hate it!! I hate the hold Blondie has on me. He makes me so crazy and I'm sick of losing opportunities to be with someone else who will treat me right bc I am stuck on him.

And I love how you, my dear readers and anonymous friends, challenge me to ask myself why I keep giving him so many chances. And the thing is, we've been friends for almost 2 years, and lovers off and on for a year. I know, I know, there was that 8 month period where I didn't hear from him at all because he was with Piggy Face, but when they broke up he told me how he never stopped thinking about me and how badly he has wanted me all along. And we have an AMAZING connection, and I've never had sex like that with anyone. You know how that is---it creates a longing and desire for them very much like a drug and all I want is more more more. BUT if he doesn't feel the same way, which apparently, he does and he doesn't, sitting around waiting for him is just plain stupid.

Oh, and I have thought long and hard about my sudden burst-into-tears spell yesterday. I think it was so obvious I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. It was really as simple as I really wished I'd been kissing Blondie instead. And how hurt I feel that he doesn't feel the same way. I am, without realizing it, grieving for him. I have SUCH longing for him and it hurts deep to my core. I HAVE to let go and let this new guy give me what I really want and need. He is willing to take things slow and wants everything I want. I just have to let go of Blondie to let it all happen. 

Today is my birthday! I'm going to squeeze in seeing NG. That will make me happy. I'm not going to let Blondie's lack of contact ruin my day. He thought my birthday was Sunday and he DID call me and wish me a happy birthday.

Have a good day everyone!

Finally meet New Guy!!!!

I couldn't wait to sit down and write about meeting this new hottie yesterday! I have been thinking long and hard about what to call him on here: his real name is the same as my hubby's, but he himself goes by a nickname and I've told him, "I haven't decided what to call you yet!" He's so easy going and laid back, and he said he's always high. He stopped drinking and doing drugs a few years ago but loves his weed, and clearly, he functions well on it. He's so easy going. Nothing riles him.

Not even when I accidentally sent him a screenshot of our conversation to my BFF, and my subsequent follow-ups texts that were supposed to go to her. Where I said I though he was acting like he has a lack of respect for women by suggesting repeatedly for me to just go to his apartment and "chill".

I was horrified. He was at work when the texts went through, and we were supposed to meet up after. I sent a barrage of texts once I discovered my flagrant errors. I thought, "well Anna, you're an idiot and ruined it!" I actually Googled, "how to recover from sending texts/screenshot to the wrong person". It said basically just to send a GIPHY. So, I'd already send about 5 texts apologizing, then sent a GIPHY of Homer Simpson doing his slap-to-the-forehead signature, "DOH!!!' And then after almost an hour after we were supposed to meet, when I still hadn't heard anything, fearing the worst, I just wrote, "I'm all showered and dressed if you want to still meet." And I was surprised and relieved that he wrote and apologized to ME!!!!!!! And then said how he'd just gotten off work and yes, we can go anywhere I wanted.

His handling of that showed me he was worth the effort. And that maybe, just maybe, calling someone on their shit, even if it's accidental, has value. And to his credit, during the entire date, he never ever brought it up.

He doesn't have a car, and offered to wait by the curb for me. I liked that. So that's what he did; and when I drove up to his apartment complex, he was sitting in a rickety old chair outside of it. He waved and got up and walked over, and I opened my car door for him. He was taller and thinner than I thought he'd be which was a positive! (I didn't need him to be tall, just thinner than how he appeared in his pictures). He had on a red knitcap, and had hair long enough that it was almost shoulder-length, which I liked very much. Another blonde. What is it with me and blondes all of a sudden????!!

And the crazy thing is, he's sooooo much like Blondie it's uncanny. Similar in looks, although Blondie is way hotter. I felt crazy chemistry for Blondie instantly, and I didn't feel it yesterday with the new guy. They're both young, living in crappy apartments, working hard and making little, no car (although Blondie's got his running again), and both so hippy-like, pot-smoking, easy-going, laid back guys. The biggest difference is, New Guy is a great communicator. He tells it like it is constantly, and doesn't play games. I don't have to guess where I stand with him, and there's something about him that forces me to be brutally honest with him too.

Like just now he wrote, "Cum over today". I answered back, simply, "I'm not ready for that yet". Instead of making up an excuse like I'm busy or whatever, I am getting better at knowing what I want and not being so much of a pleaser. This is big for me!!

So, you want to know if I kissed him???

I DID!!!

Or should I say, he kissed ME!!

I could tell he wanted to, and he was trying to figure out how to make a move and still be a gentleman.

I drove us to this cute coffee place near his apartment, and I ordered a coffee and he ordered a strawberry smoothie. He doesn't drink coffee either! I chose a table in the back by a window, and I sat across from him. I was so super nervous! This was the first first-date I'd been on in over a year! And I wasn't in a bar, wasn't drinking, so no liquid courage. I could see he was nervous too, his knee was shaking just sitting across from me. I cradled my coffee mug in my hands as we talked about our family histories, how I moved here from California, how he was a high school basketball star but got injured and that's when things got hard for him. He wanted to talk politics but I wouldn't let him!

We had a nice visit, and a couple times he'd gently touch my hand, and glide his fingers across, and then pull back when I didn't reciprocate. I enjoyed just sitting with him, the conversation flowed easily and well, and he totally disarmed me when he was describing his roommate to me. He's known him 5 years he said, and that he's a "total disaster", but like a brother to him. That he just got his second DUI and that they were sharing his work van, which now has been confiscated by his job, so now he himself has no car. BUT when he was describing him, he said, and I quote, "he's adorable. Absolutely adorable." I have never heard a guy talk about another guy like that, especially his buddy! And he went on to describe the first George Bush as "adorable" too, and did an impersonation of him describing how he thought he was so cute and small and adorable he just had to vote for him. I thought he was charming and funny.

After about an hour or so, we left and when we'd gotten in the car, he made his move. He just came close and started to kiss me. It was nice, it wasn't amazing, I wasn't really feeling it, but I kissed him anyways. I wasn't sure how I felt. I was very uptight. I said afterwards, "Glad we got that first kiss out of the way!" and he laughed and agreed. The first one is always the most nerve-wracking.

He suggested we stop at Wal Mart bc I'd been telling him how I needed to buy a new coffee pot as I'd broken ours the day before. OH!! And I forgot to tell you, Blondie lives about a mile away from him. And we stopped at the same Wa lMart I went to with Blondie previously. So it didn't escape me the fact that I could possibly  run into him there. And as we walked through the store, I linked arms with New Guy, fully aware of this fact. Did I want to run into Blondie and have him see me arm-in-arm with another guy?? I think I did, and that's why I was the one to link arms with him, not the other way around.

I didn't see Blondie, and I found my coffee pot, bought it and we left and I drove him home. When I put the car in park, of course he wanted to "make out" as he'd put it. I giggled and didn't stop him, even though I wasn't really feeling it. He is so self-aware: he said, "How was that?" And I said, "It was nice!" He said, "Nice?? That it??" And I said, "Yeah! Nice!" and we both laughed. And he kissed me more, and rubbed his hand on my thigh, and I moved so he would kiss my neck. He had asked me when we'd talked on the phone if I liked my neck kissed, and I did, and I wanted him to stop kissing me on the mouth. I liked having my neck nibbled and he caressed my hair as he did. Then he kissed me some more, very passionately, lots of tongue, but I was hesitant. He felt it and asked me about it, and I said something like yes I liked it. I didn't say much more. We talked about when we'd see each other again, and he finally got out and walked to his apartment.

I drove off to a spot around the corner to let my hubby and BFF know I was fine and on my way home. And when I got home, I was relieved I was alone, and suddenly felt so incredibly tired. I turned off my phone, laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. I fell asleep immediately, but was awakened soon after by one of my cats that jumped on the bed and came close and meowed at me. I said hi to her and started petting her, and suddenly burst into tears. I laid there sobbing, trying to understand what I was feeling.

I still have no idea.

Blondie disappoints again and someone new to fill the void?

My dear sexy readers, you may be happy to hear that I am meeting someone new today!!! He's a musician, and we have about 30 mutual Facebook friends. We met on Tinder LOL but I'm sure our paths would've crossed in a bar or stage eventually!

 We've been talking to now for about oh maybe 6 months, but my initial attraction waned quickly with every political post he'd made. A staunch conservative, we began arguing publicly and it really almost got ugly. We couldn't be more opposite, and as the election got closer, and of course, when his candidate won, he gloated and I realized I could never date him.

And I really can't remember what the turning point was for me--most likely, it was his persistence. Combined with a lack of persistence on Blondie's part, he just kind of got under my skin. He made himself impossible to ignore.

And he wasn't kidding when he told me he is blunt. He has challenged me and said things to me no guy has ever said. And he calls me every day! Blondie has called me, but every day?? And this guy isn't a schmoozer. It's like he's got an ego as big as mine, and he is tough. He doesn't lay on the compliments easily, it's like I have to work for them, and apparently, I like the challenge as well! It was interesting to find out he's an Aquarian like me! He said he'd never met another Aquarian. I've only met one, and that was in high school. So we must be rare and strange creatures indeed.

I'm not sure I'm physically attracted to him which is the problem. In some pics he's hot and in some he's not. He's 27 (going to be 28) and what I DO like is he is all in. He's a great communicator. Not like Blondie. He actually told me, "I'm not so sure about you. I feel like this is one-sided, and I'm just here to entertain you." WOW WHAT???!!!!! I couldn't even answer. He went on, "I write you and write you and send you snapchats and you look at them and don't send anything back." And guess what---this is what Blondie does to ME!!!!!! And I'm so frustrated with him, and here I'm doing that to someone else???!!! I was like "whoa!!"!!

I confessed to him that I have someone else. That things aren't going as well as I'd like but that I'm pretty attached to him, so I'm sorry when I'm flaky, it's because I'm either crazy busy with my life (not an excuse he said) or talking to him. He thanked me for telling him, but he challenged me further to explore what I want from HIM and if I've got room in my life for him.

And I realize that he's everything I've been looking for, which is mainly, a great communicator. I feel shallow and hollow talking to him and I feel like I've met myself. Have you ever met anyone that made you feel that way?? I feel like if I let him in, TRULY let him in, I will fall harder than I've ever fallen for anyone, and he will either break me in two or make me the best person I could ever be. Or break me making me that person. I realize right now, writing about him, that I'm terrified. I can't wait to tell him.

After days of arguing about how we will meet, I agreed I'd meet him at his apartment, but I wouldn't go in. I am merely picking him up and we are going to walk to a nearby restaurant for lunch. Why did we argue about where to meet you may ask?? Well, I'm a girl (DUH) and wanted to meet him in a public place, and he thought it was silly. So we argued about that. He was just like, "REALLY?!??! We've been talking for half a year and you think I'm a serial killer?" He was insulted. I stood my ground. I said, "You're a stranger. I don't care how long I've been talking to you. I don't know you."
He got it, but then I said the real truth--"it's not that I really think you might hurt me, although that is a real possibility. The truth is, what if I'm not attracted to you? What if we have no chemistry? I don't want to be stuck at your apartment trying to get away. I want to be able to leave when and if I want to leave." He softened and said with all his bravado, "well, that ain't gonna happen because we already have crazy chemistry." I laughed and said, "we'll see mister."

I guess I need a name for him, because I think you'll be hearing a lot about him, but I will wait until after we meet.

****************

I am leaning towards this guy primarily because Blondie is just driving me crazy with his hot and cold, and after yesterday, I feel like I am ready to scream at him. And I don't want to scream at him, because of course I don't want to do anything to push him away, but when I see the lack of communication from him and that insane command of communication from this new guy, it just makes me limp with exhaustion. Yesterday was a prime example.

Sunday night, yet again, Blondie messages me around 10 o'clock a "happy birthday" (it's actually not till Thursday) and that he's sorry he couldn't "cum" (sic) to the party my friends threw for me that day. So that led to, "I'm alone, you should come over." I said, "I can't tonight, sorry" as I was drunk and trying to sober up, in my jammies drinking Sprite on the couch. (the party was epic BTW). Then as quickly as he asked me over, he says, "oh my roommate home now, I was alone." I didn't respond. Then I just wrote something like, 'Oh Blondie, you know how badly I want to fuck you. Come over tmrw at 11:00 (am)". He said, "I will be there."

And then he wrote he was going to Urgent Care in the morning and would come by after. I said, "Urgent care???! OMG why??!!" Seemed a strange pairing. ER visit and hot sex. Hmm. Okayyy?!?! He said he has a hernia and has to see the dr. No further explanation. So I said, "Ok, well sorry to hear but yeah! I'll be here! Can't wait to see you!"

I had told him I had tennis until 10:30 but that I'd be home and showered by 11-ish. And when I'd finished tennis and hadn't yet heard from him, I knew he wasn't going to end up coming over. I just knew it. I didn't want to be the first one to write him, but I needed to know if he was coming over or not, because if he wasn't, I wouldn't shower, I'd get my house cleaned and shit. So I just wrote, "Just finished tennis. How'd it go at the doctor?" He wrote right back, "I go at 12;30." 

I wish I'd waited to respond or not respond at all. I processed this new info and my mind just quickly surmised it to mean, "I won't be able to see you now." Of course he didn't actually SAY that. I had to figure it out on my own. So stupidly and too quickly, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I just said. "that's good! Gotta take care of yourself" and then, "well poopy you won't get to see me then."

And when I told my BFF about this convo, she was furious. She said, "That's it??!! He never responded??" I said, "nope". And he still hasn't. She said, 'You can't make appointments at the urgent care. He could've gone a different time." So then I started to stew, and smoke began to come out of my ears, and I began to feel furious and stupid.

And unappreciated, and taken for granted, because without more information, why would I feel any differently?? How hard would it have been to say, "I'm sorry, that's the only time they could get me in, it sucks!! When are you free next??" And since that STILL hasn't happened, I've decided not to invest any more energy into him. If he wants me, he's going to have to do better.

If I'd waited to respond, and had taken time to process his answer, I would've called him on it. I would've said something more along the lines of, "hmmm that's interesting bc I'm pretty sure Urgent Care doesn't make appointments." And made him defend himself. He's just too much work.

I'm getting really excited to meet this new guy today. Apprehensive and excited at the same time.

Today may be, as Dr. Phil says, "a changing day" for me.

Hot and Cold, Yes and No

It's been an exciting few days as Blondie drunk video called me Sunday night! OMG it felt like a turning point in our "relationship". I say that in quotes because I'm not really sure what it is we have! He's so hot and cold, just like the Katy Perry song I sing with my band. He makes me insane with his on and off.

He was definitely ON. I could see him but there was no sound so I hung up and he called me back (non-video call this time). He was breathy and sexy and he said things to me he's never said, and it was epic.

"I CRAVE you", he purred. "You DO??" I responded, clearly shocked and delighted at his revelation. "YES I CRAVE YOU....ALL THE TIME.....AND YOUR BED..." he slowly revealed, "IS....MMMM....THE ONLY PLACE I EVER WANT TO BE".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was literally squirming in my recliner. I wasn't drunk, and actually didn't know he was until the next day. My mind was spinning hearing him say all these things to me. Now you have to remember, I will go a month without hearing a peep from him. So his words were contradicting his behavior. He mind-fucks me constantly. I never have known how he's felt about me since day one. It's like when he's with me he's all in. He is 100% sincere: he's very child-like and such a hippy, wears his heart on his sleeve when he's talking about anyone and everyone else, but has never really given me any inkling into what I mean to him.

And I know what you're thinking--he was just horny.

I know that. And I also know that who you drunk dial is who you truly love.

When I've been drinking he's my go-to. In fact, I have drunk-texted him so many times in the last couple weeks, and he always reads them immediately but then doesn't respond! The last drunk-text I sent was last Saturday night, our band had a show and just before we went onstage, I wrote him, "wish you were here!" and "showtime!!! wish me luck!!" and he reads them immediately but never responds! Why can't he just say, "good luck! wish i could be there!!!" I am going to fucking ask him all these questions next time we're together.

And speaking of getting together, he was purring into the phone that he wanted me to come over. 'RIGHT NOW". Well fuck I had to say I couldn't!! It was midnight, and I was home with my daughter, and how the hell would I explain where I was going all dolled-up at midnight?? RIGHT??!! But it was sooo wonderful being asked. I loved that he wanted me that badly.

So we made plans for him to come over in the morning, after she went to school. He said how much he wanted to take a bath again, and I'm quoting here, how he wanted to "give me the loving I deserved". Now that's the SECOND time he's said that to me! The last time he WASN'T drunk!
So anyways, he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:00 o'clock (am)." I responded, "oh no, my daughter is still here. She leaves at 7:20. Come at 7:30!" Then he said, "OK, I'll be there at 7:30." So I said, "AWESOME!" and then he said, "OK, so I'm going to leave here at 7:30." He was getting mixed up. It was cute. He kept doing that. I'd correct him and say, "no no, Blondie, GET here at 7:30." He'd say then, "so I'll leave here at 7:30." Then he said 8:00. And finally when we hung up, we had confirmed he'd be here at 8:00.

After we hung up I raced upstairs and was up past 1 am scrubbing my bathroom sink and tub.

And then in the morning, my daughter told me she wasn't going to school.

Yeah.

"The best laid plans".

I hated telling him he couldn't come over. It was 6:45 am. So we decided to get a hotel room that night. He loved the idea, even tho he admitted he didn't have the money for it, I said no problem my treat this time. We actually sexted a bit which he never does. I told him hubby was out of town all week and we could spend as much time together as we want. We made plans to meet at a cute Mexican restaurant at 6:00 and have a drink first.

He cancelled at 11:45 am, saying he wasn't feeling well. Hungover. So we said "tomorrow night" instead. I didn't have to pay for the room bc I was able to reschedule the reservation.

And then Tuesday morning, he cancelled again. Said he was doing a painting job and it would be probably the next night too. I waited about 3 hours to respond and just said something like "well I know you want to see me so let me know when you're free next!" He read it immediately but like usual, didn't respond.

So fucking frustrating. But it's ok. I've gained a few pounds over the holidays and that gives me time to slim down a bit and get my Brazilian waxing (I was due!!) before I see him hopefully next week.
I really plan on asking him what his deal is next time we're together. I don't get the lack of responses to my texts, and honestly, I need more from him than I'm getting.

And what he may not realize is, there's always someone waiting in the wings to be that guy for me. I just always want him more and push every other guy away, but if Blondie truly feels something for me, he needs to start showing it bc I'm losing my patience. My heart can't take this up and down.

"You're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white
We fight we break up
We kiss we make up

You don't really wanna stay,no
But you don't really wanna go oh
Cuz you're hot then you're cold
You're yes and you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down"

Going to heaven will take me to hell

It's always a bit shocking to see a comment on one of my posts that lovingly tells me I'm going to hell. It's been quite a while since I've gotten one of those, and it reminded me that I needed to change my privacy settings on this blog. I encourage dissent and thoughtful repartee, but just telling me I'm going to go to hell for what, talking about sex? Enjoying sex? What is it I'm doing that would send me to hell? Having sex outside of marriage? I'm not cheating. My hubby knows everything I'm up to. We discuss it all. I'm hurting NO ONE. So, what's it to you buddy??!! SERIOUSLY!!! Thank God I have a sense of humor.

I truly wish more people would open their minds and question more, and not just about sex. There's a few great books on non-monogamy and I highly recommend EVERYONE read them! They are:

1. Sex at Dawn, authors Christopher Ryan. PhD, and Cacilda Jetha, MD. "How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships"

2. Mating in Captivity, author Esther Perel, "Unlocking erotic intelligence: Can we desire what we already have? Does good intimacy always make for hot sex?"

3. Stepping off the Relationship Escalator, book not yet released but you can get info and a free 22-page download at www.offescalator.com

I've read and re-read these two books. They're fascinating. Please download them or buy them from a real bookstore. I guarantee you will learn something useful, even if you are like my frenemy who thinks I shall go to hell for having recreational sex. (I guarantee he/she is suffering from extreme repression and probably a closeted nymphomaniac!)

*************

My mother, God rest her soul, had sex with only one man in her entire lifetime: my father. They were married nearly 60 years when she passed away. She was a virgin when they married in 1955 and she was twenty-years old. My father, now 87, slept around prior to their meeting, but was faithful forever after.

Are there marriages like my parents anymore? And I'm referring to subsequent generations. I know one in particular; a friend of mine since kindergarten is still very happily married to her husband and they've been together 32 years. Has either of them cheated?? I would guess that it's likely he cheated on her but not the other way around. I have often wanted to ask her, but since we live on opposite coasts, we have only seen each other a handful of times in the last two decades and it's not like the topic is easy to bring up. They seem very much in love and happy.

I had the most interesting conversation with the gal that does my eyelashes (I get extensions and yes I absolutely love them!!). She's just turned 24 and single. A bit jaded, as she's recently come out of a terrible break-up. My favorite topic is marriage and relationships, so as I lay there with my eyes taped shut every other week, we cover everything. I adore her. And as usual we got to talking about marriage, and she revealed her parents have been divorced since she was around 10 years old. She lives near her mother, who is about my age, but she is retiring early from her job. She has not re-married. She hasn't really mentioned her dad and I haven't asked, but my point is this--she (my eyelash filler) still believes in the Disney ideal of "one true love". Shocked, I asked her how could she possibly believe in that, given all the evidence around her (divorces among nearly everyone she knows). And her answer threw me completely: she said, "I don't know, I guess it's because I just want to prove my parents wrong." She went on to explain that it's not that marriage itself is the issue, but rather, the partners they chose to marry and their unwillingness to try to stay together and work things out.

I have thought long and hard about that answer.

Soooooo, instead of being jaded about marriage, having seen plenty of marriages dissolve, she, and apparently many young people like her, believe they just chose wrong, and jumped ship too quickly.

I think she's certainly correct about them both--we need to truly know ourselves before we can commit to another person, and how many of us do the hard work BEFORE we get married?? And, as things get hard in a marriage, as they will, how many flee thinking the grass is greener elsewhere??

My goal is to tamper her thinking to admit that marriage is an outdated institution, and isn't necessary in today's world. I want her, and you, and everyone to remember that marriage is a contractual agreement. A business contract. What's less sexy than a business agreement forcing you to stay in love with someone FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE AND NEVER FUCK ANYONE ELSE????!!! Because that's what society has proscribed for you. And we all walk around wounded and feeling like shit about ourselves because a few years in--around years 6-7, sooner if you have children---you will fall out of love with your spouse and no one warns you about what the fuck to do about it when it happens. That "omg i loveeeeeeee him" feeling WILL PASS. And you will start to fantasize about fucking ANYONE but them.

If you're mature enough to have that conversation BEFORE you exchange your vows, you are head and shoulders above 99% of everyone else.

Don't wait for it to happen, and don't think for a second that it won't. That's the shit Disney tries to sell you. It sells movie tickets and destroys people's lives. Plan for it, and make a plan for what to do about it.

I haven't told my children about our non-monogamous marriage, but I do talk to them about this subject. Believe it or not, it comes up quite organically.

It's shoved down our throats that there's "one and only" and that they will fulfill all our needs forever till death do us part.

I beg you to question this insanity, and open your mind to a new way of thinking, even if you never open your marriage as we have.

More on this another time.

Have a great weekend!

Love,
Anna XO

Is your pussy dry? Here's why!

I had a lightbulb moment watching the news this morning.

DEAR READERS PLEASE READ THIS!!!!! THIS MAY BE A LIFE-CHANGING POST FOR YOU!!!

News shows are notorious for their pharmaceutical ads, and I saw an ad fora pill for post-menopausal women.The woman in the commercial is definitely a MILF. She sensually looks at the camera and purrs, "Sex after menopause...it shouldn't have to hurt" as she's writhing on a bed, toying with the collar of  her white button-down blouse. The camera zooms in on her left hand to show us a wide, gold wedding band. She's SO hot, and she easily looks little older than 40. Google tells me that the average age of menopause is 51.

The ad flashes to another woman with equally long hair, way beyond her shoulders like the first actress, only it's all grey. (AN OLD WOMAN!). We don't really see her close up, but she's swaying sexually too. She doesn't get to say anything. She just sashays erotically. Both women are in fantastic physical shape.

I felt compelled to watch it several times. First of all you need to know how much I despise "Big Pharm" so I have a cynical response regardless, but this really irked me. Why did they have to show a wedding ring?? REALLY?!?!?!?! With all the TV shows on Netflix that are too sexual for me to watch with my teenage daughter, you're going to get all moral on us??? Or is there a deeper message there??

AND THERE IS!!!!!!!!!!!

It all clicked for me.

Menopausal vaginal dryness/pain is a married woman's affliction.

Read that sentence again. I'll paraphrase.

Women in long-term marriages have vaginal pain when they fuck their husbands.

This vaginal pain is caused by a lack of lubrication.

It is a biological fact that the female body creates vaginal lubrication when aroused. 

Menopausal women can't get wet to fuck their husbands because they simply aren't aroused!

The extent to which a woman "gets wet" is our version of a hard dick. The harder a man's dick is, the more aroused he is. Simple fucking fact. Can anyone deny that truth???

When a woman is aroused, her body gets ready for penile penetration by creating its own lubricant, heretofore known as "getting wet". Not to sound scientific or anything, it's just a simple fact. Men get hard, women get wet. If a woman's not getting wet, or a man's not getting hard, guess what folks!!! THEY'RE NOT TURNED ON!!!!!

Now of course I'm generalizing. Do not think for a moment that I'm insensitive to the ill or elderly, or people who suffer from real afflictions that cause soft dicks and dry pussies even when aroused. Of course there is scientific data that shows that as women age, the ovaries produce less of the female hormone estrogen, which can lead to thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls, and I believe as men age and their testosterone levels drop, it can wreak all sorts of havoc on a person's sex life. Having said that, I am GENERALIZING.

And I feel like a bit of an expert on the subject, as I am married in a long-term marriage, and I'm post-menopausal (I went into menopause at 42!!). And I am always buying lube; I have always enjoyed using it during foreplay (and after) and never really stopped to think about whether I really needed it or not. It's just so much fun when it's things get a little slippery!!

When I saw this commercial the other morning, my brain went into overdrive, and it occurred to me that I have never used lube with Blondie, except the very first time we had sex at his apartment. I bought a bottle of lube and gave it to him as a gift, just assuming I would need it! And it was fun to play with, but I realized that every time he fucked me, I was already soaked. What clinched it for me was realizing that last week he slid his dick inside me while we were taking a bath.We all know how drying bath water is, and water in general is the anti-Christ of hot sex. But it went right in, and it didn't hurt, and we fucked our brains out.

And I also realize that just texting him, talking about fucking him, seeing pics of him, and just fantasizing about him and BOOM waterworks. I. AM. READY.

Do I get this wet with my husband?? I know you want to know.

No offense to him, but I don't. But he doesn't get a hard dick for me either without warming up the engine either!  That's a 20 year marriage folks. I doubt he has any trouble with his girlfriend. We can't possibly feel that throw-me-down-on-the-kitchen-counter desire after twenty years. It just isn't possible!! Why do you think you're always hearing how couples go on vacations or try role-playing, even to the point of renewing vows to "spice things up"??? Love and sexual desire can be mutually exclusive.

There's nothing like being with a new lover. In polyamory, we call it "NRE", or "New Relationship Energy." We know it is a phase!! Some of you call it the "honeymoon" stage! And we all know it doesn't last.

And twenty years later, women are wondering why they're dried up.

Get a new lover not a pill!

I'll bet that cures it for most of you.

You're welcome.

Bubbles

I was missing Blondie badly, and it had been 3 weeks since he'd come over, and I was getting a little pissed off I hadn't heard a peep from him. So I decided to just send him a message, "Hey Blondie, what's up with you? When are we meeting up again bc I'm sure you miss me!"I wrote him at around 11:30 at night, and he wrote back first thing in the morning,"I'm off work today! I can come over right now!" I was like, "woo hoo!" and rescheduled my morning to see him.

He was messaging me, telling me he'd drank too much the night before and was 'down". I said I'd cheer him up. He asked what I wanted to do! I said, "Hmmm what would YOU like to do??" and he answered, "take a bath!" I said "awesome!" It was so cute, he video messaged me twice, and he'd never done that! It was fun. We flirted back and forth and it was so nice making that connection again with him. It was like no time had passed, and we just picked up where we left off.

He said the brakes on his car weren't working, so would I pick him up? So I did; he met me at my car so I wouldn't have to get out (it was like 24 degrees!) and it was soooo good to be with him again. That wild and crazy blonde mane and those blue eyes. He greeted me with a big grin and a hug, and then a kiss. He smelled like booze. It was not pleasant. I drove him back to my house. He's just like a little kid; first thing he did when he got out of the car was spot my new fat tire bike and take it for a spin around the cul de sac. I was like, "oh my god, what if my nosy neighbor sees him??!!" He doesn't even think.

When we got into the house, he said he hadn't eaten anything, and could he have some toast or a bagel? I said sure. So we went into the kitchen, and he was telling me how he and his roommate decorated the apartment last night and ended up drinking too much, doing shots.  As I was standing there glancing back and forth from him to the toaster, he came up behind me and put his hands all over my body and started kissing my neck. I immediately became limp with desire and he turned me around and pressed his body up against me and deep kissed me. I was putty in his hands. I could feel that hard dick up against my body and I was instantly wet. I pulled apart and said, "OMG your bagel!" and it nearly burned. We laughed as I buttered it for him and said, "sit!" and motioned for him to sit down on one of the bar stools.

My phone was blowing up with messages from my band, and as he ate his bagel, I sat down next to him and said I needed to catch up. I had like 16 unread messages and filled him in on what was going on--we were choosing songs for an upcoming gig--and he grabbed my phone and said, "OMG you guys do (X-song, I don't remember which)" and was commenting on all of them. It was fun. Finally I asked for my phone back to respond LOL and then he was telling me how he had "creeped" on my kids' FB bc he wanted to know more about them. Had he said it differently, it would've come off creepy like HH, but he said it all in the same vein. He said my daughter is "so beautiful" and my son "looks like an Abercrombie model." The way he asked about them made me feel like he hoped to meet them one day. He didn't say it, I didn't say it, but he was saying how they seem like really neat people, successful and all too. And then he asked me about my husband, and I answered him with a short response (he'd asked about his job) and then changed the subject. It did leave me feeling like he truly wanted to get to know me better by learning about the people I'm closest to. It made me happy! Like, maybe he truly does have feelings for me???

He talked about how he might lose his job and move to Colorado, how the company has been bought out. How he may decide to stay here too-how they've offered him a severance package but also a raise if he stays. I didn't want to influence him one way or the other so I said, "how exciting! You've got some decisions to make!!"

When he'd finished his bagel, he was so sweet, he thanked me for making it for him, and that he felt much better. I said, "what do you want to do now??" all flirty and he said, "take a bath!!" I was like oh wow. This is going to be amazing.

I told him I had a bottle of champagne chilling, and he thought that sounded good, so I took it out of the fridge and grabbed two wine glasses that didn't match. He kissed me again by the cabinet, and it was deep and passionate. Mmmmm yummmy.

We bounded up the staircase, and we went into my bathroom. I started the water, and put in this vanilla/jasmine bubble bath and he said, "that's the same one you got me!" and I was like thinking, hmm, I don't remember buying you any of that. But then he said, "not the bath stuff, the massage oil!" and I did remember. He makes himself so comfortable in my house, it's really interesting to watch. Like he's been there a million times, or like he fucking lives there. He walked over to my blue-tooth speaker and turned it on. He got us towels (he couldn't believe I have a towel warmer. He'd never even heard of a towel-warmer). I had candles already lit. While I was facing my husband's side of the vanity, I was struggling to get the foil wrapper off the champagne bottle. I turned around and saw he'd completely stripped, and he was standing there watching me. I stopped and said, "oh my god, you are standing naked in my bathroom. Does it get any better than this???" and he said, 'yes it does!" and came over to me and pulled my dress over my head. He slipped off my lacy thong, picked me up and put me on the edge of the vanity, went down on his knees and buried his face in my pussy. That hair, that tongue, that sexy naked 24 year old licking me. It was fucking amazing.

After a little bit he got up and started kissing me, that sexy deep kissing and now he tasted like my pussy which was a huge turn-on. I loved it. He was holding my hips so I wouldn't fall off the vanity, and then he showed me his thick erect cock for me and slid it into my now very wet and ready pussy. It felt amazing, and as we fucked I was slipping off. He picked me up, cock still inside me, and carried me to my bed and continued fucking me. I. Fucking. Loved. That. It was so romantic, it was like, "wow guys really do this??" because ladies haven't we seen that scene in a zillion movies??? (guess I watch too much porn??) Here he was really doing that!!! Combined with the vanity move, I just felt like I wished I'd been recording it all.

He came quickly, and we both realized we totally forgot about the tub filling up! We ran over to it and turned the water off just in time!! He opened the bottle of champagne for me, and we laughed at how disappointing it was that it didn't have that awesome "pop" it should've had! He poured it for us, and then just helped himself into the tub as if he'd done it a hundred times. Once I got in though, he was like, 'OH. MY. GOD. THIS. FEELS. AMAZING." I told him I'd never taken a bath with anyone but my hubby! And so this was really new and amazing for me as well.

We were in there for over an hour. We alternated between talking and relaxing to playing with each other. I'd push up his ass so that his dick, hard and straight as a ruler, would pop up from underneath the bubbles and I'd suck it. The first time I poured a little champagne on it and sucked it off he practically screamed in ecstasy. I KNOW no one's ever done that to him before and sure enough, he told me so. So of course I had to do it several times. Always when he least expected it.

While I was sucking him off he would put his fingers inside me, as deep as he could. And I know one time I think I came that way, and I had never came that way before. I wondered, "is this what the G-spot is all about???!!" I think it may be! It was so fucking deep inside me, and I had never had anyone do that to me before!! I really liked it!! Finally we wanted each other so badly, and I climbed on top of him and put his dick inside me. As he rocked me, I said, "don't lift up! Don't let any water in!" so we rocked and fucked in my bathtub as I'd never been rocked and fucked before.

But that's not how I made him cum.

He masturbated and I sucked him til he came. I loved pleasing him that way.

He'd told me he had to work at 1, so we ought to get out of the tub, so I grabbed our towels and got out first. I handed him his, and he couldn't believe it was warm. He was feeling a little queasy again, so I suggested just laying in bed and taking a little nap. We laid down, and he put his arm under me and I nestled into his underarm, and relaxed. I felt more exposed to him than ever; I mean, DAYLIGHT SEX!!!! MY HAIR GOT ALL WET FROM THE BATH AND WAS DRYING CURLY AND SHIT!! I HAD RACCOON EYES!! And yet, I was relaxed. FINALLY.

And laying there, I asked him, "How long till you were gonna write me?" That three weeks had gone by, and I started to feel like, "wow guess last time didn't go that well" and "guess I'll never see HIM again." He apologized, he said, "OMG I'm so sorry, I know how that feels, and I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." And then, surprisingly, he said, "I was waiting to hear from YOU!" I just shook my head, and waited for him to say more.He went on to explain how he pretty much just texts if he thinks he can see me-that he's thinking of me and wants to see me and if I can't see him he gets so excited he wishes he didn't message me!That he'll get so horny he has to jerk off and gets frustrated!! I had to giggle.  He said otherwise, he doesn't like texting that much and that they can be misunderstood so he doesn't like  chit-chat in texting and likes to wait and share stuff in person. I said that's fine yeah me too but he could maybe say "hey! hope you're doing well! I'm thinking of you and I'd love to see but damn this week is just so crazy! maybe next?" and he said, 'yeah, yeah, totally I will do that."

I addressed the Facebook question I had, and said "well you haven't "liked" anything on my page so I haven't "liked" anything on your page so I respect that maybe you would like me to stay under the radar??" He just said oh that was when he was with Piggy Face. He didn't really say, "Go ahead it's fine" he just explained how it wasn't okay before, so I think I will continue to just stay incognito until he "likes" MY posts.

While we were laying there talking, he kept playing with himself. Not like guys do when they're trying to get it up, more like a lazy dog just kind of playing with it absentmindedly. I said, "you're really distracting me here playing with your dick like that." And he said, 'Oh yeah???' and I said, "YEAH!!" He said, "well, feel free to do something about that!" So I did! I leaned over and licked his body up and down and around his dick but wouldn't touch it at first. Made it grow big and strong and then took it in my mouth again. He lifted me up and slid his dick in. We fucked so hard, I'm sure I came again, damn we fucked so deep I shuddered like I was having a fucking religious experience. He came again, and afterward, like always, he stays hard and we just keep fucking. I didn't want to stop. I got tired tho finally, and I knew he had to go to work, so I finally slipped off of him. I laid next to him, and he was just like "OH MY GOD (my name) I CAME THREE TIMES!!! I NEVER COME THAT MUCH!!" I said, 'WITH ME YOU DO!!" and he agreed with a big grin. I thought, "yeah, you're not fucking 200 pound piggy face bitch!! This is how good sex can be!!" I'll bet that's what he was thinking hehehe

I snuggled him and said, "let's take a 5 min nap." He said he can't nap, can't settle down (he has ADHD like me, but I'm on meds). So we just laid there and chatted. It was WONDERFUL. I really felt like I was being myself for the first time with him. I didn't do shots this time, and not just because I had to drive and go pick him up. I wanted to be fully present and myself with him. And we only drank one glass of champagne, which didn't do anything for me. It was more symbolic. Champagne bath. Something he doesn't do with just anyone.

He told me a little about Piggy Face, just that he thought maybe she'd cheated on him with her ex, maybe not, but that there were things she wasn't telling him, and that it is once and for all "really over." I said, "her loss babe, my gain" and he looked at me and smiled and said, "MY GAIN!!" and kissed me. We snuggled and then knew we had to get up.

I decided not to put back my sexy dress on, and put something on more casual. I said, "I'm gonna put my jammies on! Since I'm not going anywhere for awhile!" He said, 'aren't you going to take me home?"and I laughed and said "oh yeah!! I forgot!!" So I took them off and put my sexy dress and thigh-high black velvet boots back on.

He said he wasn't feeling well again and that he might be sick. That the champagne wasn't settling well. And he was sick, and I felt terrible. He laughed it off like it was no big deal "it was all just the champagne!" and he got a bottle of water. When we got out to the garage, he got in my car and from inside, opened my door for me! I thought that was very sweet. He mentioned again how much he loves my car, and we talked about putting a turbo engine in it.

On the drive home, he was quite animated, very talkative. He wanted to make sure he knew how to get to my house and back for the next time when he comes to see me. He had the exits mixed up and it bothered him. He talked about big trucks and bulldozers and stuff like that, how he'd wanted to be an architect and and how he also almost got a construction job with the state. When we passed some construction workers, he was elated at how quickly they'd patched up this area of the roadway, and commented on how much money they make.

I was blindsided when he told me he wants to have a child within a year. II swear it came out of nowhere.That he's wanted a kid since he was 19. He wants to have kids while he's young. I just listened and said "you'd make an awesome dad." What was I going to say??? I'll have your kid for you?? I can't have any more kids and if I could, would I want that??!! That's what I was thinking while he's joking about "putting firecrackers under her butt if she won't get up for school." And not believing he'd actually think that was ok to do. He was a child himself. Why the fuck would he want a KID????!!!! Clearly he has no idea what he's talking about. Kind of like girls who think getting married is all about the wedding. Fucking clueless.

When we got to his apartment, I parked and he turned and gave me a wonderful hug, a short kiss (bc he'd just gotten sick) and I said, "I hope you feel better!" and he said, "I do already! I just think I need a nap." I said, "I hope you don't remember our date as "really awesome until I threw up!!" He said, "no no no, not at all. I came three times. We took a bath. It was awesome!" And he hugged me again, and he got out. I started to back out, and watched him as he walked to his apartment in the freezing cold without looking back.

I drove home feeling like I wasn't in love, I was definitely smitten, but I could enjoy him more now, getting to know him more and seeing him for the man he is, not who I need him to be. I've done a lot of work on myself, and it's really wonderful to feel this way. I'm not on cloud nine, I've got both feel planted firmly on mother earth, and I've never been happier.

Blondie in my bed

For almost eight months, there was no contact between Blondie and me. I left him completely alone while he was with his GF, which was sometimes hard to discern bc they broke up at least 7 times in those 8 months that I'm aware of, bc you could see it on their FB. I did send a couple messages to him during those break-up times, but he never responded. So I just went back to leaving him alone.

And finally, on Oct. 2nd, the texts I'd been waiting for came.

I was in the middle of band rehearsal, and I was SO excited I couldn't even barely sing. I showed them to my hubby who gave me a big smile. He knew how happy it made me. And to make a long story short, he wanted me to come over that night but I couldn't. We agreed to get together the next night, and he sent me a very sexy pic of himself. The next morning he cancelled, and they got back together.

A couple weeks later, he deleted his FB and so did she, and they both went completely AWOL. And then, weeks later, both re-emerged, broken up for good it seemed. He'd started a whole new FB, and bravely, I sent him a friend request, which he accepted! I was hopeful. I saw on his page he was looking for someone to cut his hair! I thought oh no!! Don't cut off your mane!! So I wrote him a PM and he responded he wasn't going to chop it all off, just a trim.

Which led to a couple messages here and there, and finally, he wanted to come see me.

I didn't know he'd bought a car! He was mobile! And it was a couple days before Thanksgiving, and he was heading out of town to visit family in another state and wanted to see me before he left. I had the house to myself but I had tennis first so we wouldn't have much time together.

I rushed home from tennis and showered and got myself dolled up. Sexy dress and black stilettos.

And shots of peach vodka as I was getting ready!!

I was so nervous. I had waited so long for this moment, and as much as I had fantasized about him, I wasn't ready for it, and yet I was. I had no plan of action, I had no idea what was going to happen or how I was going to feel, except I knew I was excited beyond excited.

I opened the garage door for him, and he parked in my husband's spot. I met him at his car, and I closed the door and wondered if my nosy next-door neighbor had seen him drive in.

He looked just as adorable as I remembered. His long blonde mane wild as he is. He looked so good. He had a red knit hat on, flannel shirt, khaki pants. And those black glasses, and a big smile for me. He got out of the car and we talked about the car for a bit, and then went inside.

He stood in the doorway for a few minutes, I have no idea what he was talking about now, but I stepped back to invite him in. He looked around, and said, "I miss this place. I miss being here." He went on to tell me all the things he missed. And I took him by the hand and invited him upstairs.

He told me how much he missed being there. Missed my bedroom, missed being in my bed. And with that, he took off all his clothes except his boxers and white gym socks, and flung himself onto my bed, his hands behind his head, legs spread, a huge hard dick poking up, stretching those boxers tight. It was a marvelous sight. I was tipsy and getting a bit slobbery from the vodka, and I regretted having had any. I straddled him, we were both smiling, and I said I just wanted to take it all in. I lightly touched him all over, just in such disbelief he was here in my bed again.

He was like fine china at that moment--I wanted to touch so badly, but afraid of the mess I might make. And it was going to get crazy.

I knew he had to leave at noon. It was almost 11:30 so it was time to get busy.

I was straddling him as I pulled my dress off over my head, and I had on an off-white and peach bra and panty set I'd bought just for him and had worn previously for him. I had on his fav artist on my Bluetooth speaker, and was wearing my $600 bottle of perfume I'd worn for him before. I wanted to make things as familiar as possible.

I rubbed my pussy on his hard dick through his boxers. I love to tease. He was squirming. It was such a turn-on. The eye contact was piercing right through my soul. He sat up, then picked me up in his arms and gently flipped me over. He stood before me, and I slipped his boxers off and showed my appreciation. I scooted to the edge of the bed and took that big throbbing dick in my mouth and sucked it and licked it. I looked up at him while I did it, and he was thoroughly enjoying it. His long mane hung down and tickled my face while I sucked his dick. I said I wanted to suck it dry. He pulled me up gently and said, 'next time".

He spread my legs apart and buried his face in my pussy. That long blonde mane tickled my legs, and I love when he flips it out of the way. So fucking sexy. I played with his hair while he licked me. AND Oh. MY. GOD. I came right away in his face. I had so much pent-up desire for this man. He was surprised too!

He was so ready for me. There's nothing like a hot guy with a hard dick for me. He stuck that dick in and fucked me hard and he came so fast. I loved kissing him while he fucked me. I hadn't a care in the world. He was my world.

After he came he flipped off me and onto his back, flipped his hair again out of the way, and I went and got a towel. He apologized for having to leave so quickly and I said oh it's fine I knew before you got here you weren't going to be able to stay long. I suggested he rest for a bit since he had a long drive. And within seconds, I was on top of him fucking him again. We couldn't get enough of each other. And I got to see that O-face of his again, so fucking sexy. And I came again fucking him. I licked his neck, I kissed him, I licked him everywhere. And he almost came again. I love how he stays hard even afte an orgasm. He just stays hard and keeps right on fucking me.

We chatted while we got dressed. I'd forgotten to take him into my bathroom and show him the Minnie Mouse framed pic he'd given me was up on the wall! He was telling me how he wanted to "take baths" with me. Plural, not singular! I said, "I want to wash your hair". It was hot and sexy.

We went downstairs, and he wanted a drink! I was like okay hmmm thought your have a long drive. He wanted a Bloody Mary and ironically, I had all the ingredients, they just had never been opened. So I made him one, and he sat on a bar stool in my kitchen and I half-sat on my lap. He told me all about what happened with the GF (she was kind of seeing her ex behind his back). He told me about a new friend of his that lives in his building, and it was so awesome, he was really sharing a lot about himself with me. I felt so comfortable with him, and he seemed to feel the same way. I was a big slobbery in my talk and I think I gushed a little too much. I said something about how a GF should  make you feel "adored", and she didn't make him feel that way. I said, "I adore you".  I also said something about feeling like you're number one with someone. That they should make you feel that way, and I said something stupid and blubbery like "I could be your number one", to which  he responded something about not wanting a relationship right now (and I agreed with him!) and he said what he has with me he "didn't want to define." I loved it. I felt like he'd made a lot of progress in his thinking since we were last together.

It was so nice sitting on his lap and listening to him tell me about himself and his life. I felt like no time had really passed; it was more or less just catching up.

He wanted to roll a joint before he left, so we went outside and sat down on the patio chairs while he did. It was pretty cold out, so I had grabbed a coat. He loved watching my dog and cat frolic in the grass and we chatted. I don't remember what about.

Eventually, it was time for him to go, and it's funny cause now it was almost 1:30. We couldnve fucked more! But it was awesome just hanging out with him. AT MY HOUSE.

I walked out to the garage with him and we kissed bye. I opened to door and he drove out, andI stupidity blew hm a kiss, and walked back into the house. I didn't watch him drive out, and I waited till I was sure he was going before I closed the garage door.

I was still horny and drunkie and felt a little stupid, worried I'd behaved stupidly because of the vodka. And because I was so nervous.

I haven't heard from him since, so I have no idea what he's thinking or if I'm worried for nothing.

I am writing other boys, and one in particular has been after me for a year but he lives in Florida! Indiana will be here in two weeks, and we've been snap chatting sexy videos to each other. I will go fuck him this time he visits.

I told Blondie I hadn't been with anyone else since he and I were together. He'd only been  with his GF. I told him I'd had lots of opportunities but didn't really want anyone else. It was the truth. And I still feel that way, but I have to have back-up since he's not exactly beating down my door to see me again.

Sigh.

Damn he was worth the wait though.

Afterglow

OH. MY. GOD.

Dear readers, you have put up with me for so long, all my sad tirades and all my unrequited desirings. And you've been there for me through it all.  It is with great pleasure and torture that I announce.....

Blondie is back in my life.

I say that without exclamation marks, because I'm beyond exclamations. I am SO happy.

He fills such a deep longing in me, and I've missed him so terribly these last 8 months, and I think I'm still a little shocked. And of course, I haven't heard from him since he drove out of my garage a week ago, so there's still that terror and worry "was that it??? Will I ever see him again??" So that kind of negates the desire for me to put exclamation marks on that sentence. Because, is he truly back in my life, or did he just pop in for one last fuck???

And it's that space I'm in right now. It's a hard space to be in. We've all been there haven't we??

It's a familiar feeling, as I've felt it ever single time I've ever been with him. I leave thinking, 'if I never see him again, it will all still be worth it." And I say that because I'm married!! And most people think "where can this go??? It can't go anywhere!" And I know that the truth is, most relationships end. They just do! So why do we go into them thinking they have to be "forever"??!! THERE IS NO FOREVER. All we have is RIGHT NOW. THIS MOMENT.

And we should be making the most of every single one of those moments, instead of fretting about if there will be more of them.

Because life has NO guarantees. Human beings are not robots. We are fleeting in our cares and desires and the wind may carry us away and it may carry us back. We cannot control ourselves let alone anyone else.

So when the wind carries someone as beautiful and amazing as my Blondie your way, just fucking enjoy them. In that moment. Because you don't know if you'll ever have them again, and if you don't, you don't want to ruin it with forecasting.

But that's what we do. We want guarantees. We want to know "are you all in???" "Are you "the one"???!!" And you know what my dear friends??? There is no such thing. And the sooner you believe that, the happier you will be.

There will be many, many, many people that will come and go in your life, and each one will leave an indelible mark on your heart. Each one is special in their own right. If you go into each relationship with the goal of marriage being the finish line, you miss out completely on the magic, not of "what could be" but WHAT IS.

RIGHT NOW.

This moment, right now, is all that matters.

Love life needed

Hello my sexy readers! I'm sorry I haven't written recently but I really haven't had much to write about unfortunately! My sex life has been at a stand-still sine Blondie found someone else. And since we are FB friends, I see he and his GF have officially broken up, which made me very excited! It's been a couple weeks now and I keep hoping he'll miss me and contact me, but it hasn't happened yet, so I'm moving on. Five and a half months and while he's been fucking his new girlfriend, I've been faithfully keeping myself hot and ready for his return, pushing away anyone else's advances. I've had plenty of opportunities but I just haven't wanted to take my clothes off for anyone but Blondie.

"Indiana" is in town, and writing me 24/7 to come over. When he initially wrote he'd be in town, I had every intention of seeing him if I hadn't heard from Blondie, but now he's here and I'm just kind of "eh". I told him last night I had a "horrible" cold (lie) and that I'd let him know.  I said to my BFF, "What is wrong with me??!!" She said, "don't you like him? You've fucked him before right?" And I answered yes, but that was last summer before Blondie and I got together.

I feel like I've really changed since I was with him. I don't like sex for sex anymore. I liked our relationship so so much! I trusted him. I did things with him I don't want to do with anyone else! I really feel like sexually shut down. I've BEEN shut down since April. We just had a connection like I've never had with anyone before. That shit doesn't just evaporate. It's like I'm stuck.

"F" is still very attentive, sending me snaphats every day. He is so fucking adorable. I think he's still seeing that chick but that's what he does--he can't stay faithful to any girl. He tries but then he misses me. He hasn't made an effort to see me although he seems to want to badly but stops himself. He's fun to flirt with and I think he's the only other guy right now I'd sleep with.

I DID meet someone new I'm smitten with, and I think I'm going to give him a chance. Two guys actually--the first is the hot rocker boy who came to my show last weekend. I fell for him before I even met him. I love his look. He's 26 and also a lead singer! He said he wasn't in a band right now but he's got the 80's hair-band look like he's in Motley Crue. After the show we were hanging out together and flirty and chatting and I just had to kiss him. I just left him standing there and smiled at him. The guys in my band were all hanging out together with some other rocker-types and it was just the best night. The gig went well and hey, I kissed a hot boy so it was a good night!!

The other guy is someone I matched on Tinder. I've "known" him for like 4 years--he's a bartender at our fav hangout! I did NOT know he liked me! He is SUPER hot. A couple of my single friends have either dated him or wished they'd dated him. He is the proverbial hot, young, muscled bartender that all the girls swoon over. It will be fun to see where this goes with either him or Rocker Boy.

Unless.....!!!!! Yeah, you know how this sentence ends.

I kissed a girl....and I liked it!!

Last weekend, my hubby and I had a night out that was super fun. We'd gotten a room downtown--it's a college town with lots of hot sexy young people--and had an amazing $450 dinner at an upscale restaurant, and it was still too early for nightlife, so we went to the casino and dropped a few hundred playing blackjack. It was fun but wow the money went faster than it usually does so we thought "we'd better get outta here!!" So we did. We Uber'd back downtown, stopped at our room to freshen up. I'd been texting a couple of hotties to see if they were interested in hooking up, but one by one they had some sort of excuse. I never mentioned my hubby (he was going to stay downstairs at the bar if I had a visitor) all I said was I had a hotel room. And at a 4-star hotel nonetheless!! Why are guys so fucking flaky??? All day long they beg for my pics and a date and then when I'm actually available, they scatter like cockroaches in the light. I truly don't get it. I looked damn good and it was a shame I couldn't find a young hot guy to share my room with me.

Soooo, we decided to go look for some fun then and since it was a beautiful, warm summer night, we walked to one of our fav dance clubs. It was only a couple of blocks, and as we stood waiting for the light to change to cross the street, I hear my name and it's a friend of mine I play tennis with! She's hot and blonde and single and had met up with another hot, blonde, single woman and a couple of other people. We all went to the dance club together. It was slow, too early (almost midnight!) and they decided to go next door to another dance club that was hopping and meet up with us later.

The music was loud and thumping, and the club was starting to fill up. We'd run into a couple of friends who decided to go next door to a club that was already hopping. My hubby and I sat down at the bar and ordered drinks and just people-watched.  There was a gorgeous dark-haired girl dancing alone by a table of friends, maybe eight people, and we weren't the only ones who couldn't take our eyes off of her. She had on a very short white dress, cute black stilettos, and she was dancing to the music, her eyes closed, in her own little world, just like the famous quote, "Dance as if no one were watching." And she was sexy and sultry and even I was getting turned on and girls don't turn me on!!

Next thing I know, my blonde friend and her group came back to the club, and we all descended up one the dance floor.  We dropped off our drinks and purses with my hubby who sat down at a table nearby.  The place was starting to fill up and we were all getting a little drunky. It was so fun. Hubby did come and dance with me and all of us were just having fun.

I was scanning the place and was so disappointed there weren't any cute boys at all, and most were coupled-up anyways. Then lo and behold I saw the dark-haired girl on the dance floor, holding hands with a very good-looking tall blonde guy, and they had major eye-contact and would occasionally kiss. Then I saw her grab the hand of the tall blonde girl my friend came with, and all three of them started a groups kiss together! The whole club was paying attention. I glanced over at my hubby, who'd gone and sat back down, and his eyes were big like, "WOW!!"

Then the three of them broke apart, and the tall blonde danced off to meet other people, and suddenly my tennis friend was holding hands with the dark-haired girl and her blond man, and then THEY were in a group kiss! I was giggling at this point. What a fun couple they were. I don't see people act like that at all where I live, everyone's so fucking repressed.

And then all three dropped hands, started dancing with other people, and guess who that other person was this time!! That's right!! ME!! I WAS IN THE GROUP KISS!! Mmm it was so hot. I hoped my hubby was watching. Turned out he was and he was as turned on as I was!! The dark-haired girl turns to me and got real close to my face and in broken English she said, "he like my husband" and then went on to say, "it only sex we like sex in my country do u like sex?" And she told me she was French and he was South African and that the two of them and their group all work on a boat and she's the chef!! She said her name was Kim. And she took my face in her hands and kissed me. I have never been kissed by a girl before and it was making me feel really turned on and I wanted more.

Then we went our separate dancing ways. After a song or two, I went to our table and plopped down in a chair and slurped up my drink: I was hot and sweaty! It was such a fun night. But it wasn't over yet! We decided we were getting ready to leave, and I saw the dark-haired girl now dancing with some random scruffy-looking young guy, and I knew I wanted to see her again. I went to the bartender and borrowed a pen from him and scribbled a sexy note and my name and phone number on a cocktail napkin.

I found Kim right where I last saw her, and just as I was about to go up to her she came straight at me and said, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!" And to my added surprise she again took my face in her hands and kissed me a long, slow juicy kiss. It was so hot. When she broke apart I showed her the cocktail napkin and told her what it was and she tried to stuff it in her bra but her dress was high-nexked and she couldn't figure it out, so then she took the now-crumpled napkin in her hand and lifted her dress and stuffed it in her panties. And then she kissed me again and I said "write me or call me! I'll come see u next time your boat comes to Milwaukee!!" and then we left. My head was spinning, and not just from the vodka.

I think I've fallen for a GIRL!!

What love life????

Well hello sexy readers!! I'm sorry I haven't written much on here lately. My date with HH didn't pan out. He didn't flake out on me, it was the other way around. I thought he was going to meet me at my hotel around 11 pm, and he had said he was in a recording session that was running longer than he'd hoped (as a musician myself I've totally been there). I had to be up at 3 am for my flight to Virginia, so when he wrote me at 1 am, "what's your room number?" I slept right through it. Next trip.

Hubby and I went to State Fair Saturday, an I can't believe who I ran into--F!! OMG. Of course I was hoping to run into Blondie but it didn't happen. We were leaning against a small bar table, standing with a couple beers, standing in the shade. It was so hot and we were just standing there, trying to decide if we were done and ready to go home or stay longer, when I saw F in the crowd. And he was coming straight towards me! I looked hot and that's why I wanted to go to the fair! I was so hoping to run into Blondie, even though I had no information he was planning on going. I just felt it, but it was F I was destined to run into.

We all had sunglasses on, which was perfect. He was with a chick his age or younger, and she was super average. I was way hotter, and I could tell he noticed. I said, "Hi "F", and so did my hubby, and he looked right at me with the biggest smile, those perfect white teeth. If I had looked I'm sure I'd have seen a hard-on. His chick looked at me like "who the fuck are you??" It was epic. I am still
waiting to hear from him. I know he can't get me out of his mind. The two of them kept walking past us into the bar, and they apparently didn't find what they were looking for and came back out minutes later, and again, walked right past our table. F was literally inches away from me. He and I were staring at each other oh so sneakily from behind our sunglasses. Even my hubby said, 'he's totally checking you out." Hehehehehehehehe I'm all his. He just needs to ask.

Blondie is still with his chick, who must have one amazing personality bc she's really unattractive. Oh some pics of her she can look pretty but she's at least 200 pounds and she's only 21. I think, "I wonder what she's gonna look like when she's 45".  I pray he's hopefully missing me and jacking off to my pics. I will NOT contact him as long as he's with her. He needs to reach out to me first. He dumped me for her so I will not grovel. I keep hoping they'll break up and he'll come back to me, but I'm not sitting around waiting.

Or maybe I am. I haven't been with anyone else since Blondie!!! And it's not for a lack of suitors. I just haven't found anyone I'm that smitten with. They're all either too young and don't either have a car or an apartment or live too far. I refuse to do all the work. I"m willing to just flirt and wait for F and Blondie to come back, and if I meet someone hot I will def give them a try!

BTW I ran into Asian Stripper Boy in Kohls of all places!! He was like deer-in-the-headlights. I said, 'Hey you" and he just looked frightened so I giggled and went back to pretending like I was shopping. I was with my hubby and said, "did you see that hot Asian guy? That's Asian Stripper Boy!!" He said "damn no!!" And sure enough he texted me soon after and asked me to go dancing with him Saturday night. And then he didn't respond, and then he sent me a FB friend request in the middle of the night, which I accepted in the morning, and then he must've unfriended me bc I couldn't find him. And in the span of a week, Abercromie and Freckles have been snapchatting me, a new 18 year old and a new 19 year old that writes me every single morning, "hello beautiful" but I haven't made any effort to see any of them.

That's it for now my sexy readers! Hope everyone's having a fun and sexy summer!

Love,
Anna XOXOXOXOX

Date with HH next week!!!

Hello my sexy readers! I've been away too long. Between recovering from my amazing cosmetic surgery, I've just been super busy getting back into the swing of things. My band has a big gig coming up, I'm traveling to DC next week, AND going back to California and I have a date with HH!! Yay!! I can't wait!! He confirmed he WILL meet me Thursday! Mmm that guy is delish. One of only 3 guys in my entire lifetime that have made me cum. And he's only 20 years old.

He'll be the first guy I've been with since Blondie dumped me for his new chick. I am so ready for some action! I feel super-confident with my new body and I'm ready to show it off!

I DID meet someone new yesterday! A very hot 19 year old I'll call Drew. He found me on OKCupid and since he said he didn't have a car (LOL) I drove to his work and picked him up! I had plans with my BFF's so I said let's just meet, I'll drive you home and if we like each other we can plan to get together another time. Since he can't drink, and can't drive himself to meet me anywhere, I just wanted to get the meeting over with. No sense planning something if there's no chemistry.

I was an hour and a half late, but let him know ahead of time I would be, and he said that was fine. He is a teacher! So I met him at the school he teaches at. He was hanging out at the park behind the school, and it was a super fucking hot and muggy day. By the time I got there, the poor guy was all sweaty, and I know he'd been up since 5 am, so I thought, give the guy a break. He needed a shower and probably brush his teeth LOL and here I was, freshly showered and shiny.

He was very cute. Skinny, dressed raelly cute, black skinny jeans and a short sleeved plaid button-down. He got in my car, and was smiling so big. I could tell he was really nervous. I forget to think about how it must feel to meet me--you know, a strange woman picks u up in a car and drives off!! I could be a serial killer for all he knows!! LOL

So we made small talk on the drive, it was super awkward. Imagine a first date that lasts 25 min. He was obviously smitten, and I wasn't sure. His teeth didn't look that white (sorry!! Certain things bug me!!) and he had a "man bun", which was cute. I thought about Blondie's man bun (which I hated tbh) but i knew it meant he had long hair and I love love love long hair on a cute guy!! So I imagined him all showered and shiny clean with his hair down. GRRRRR!!

So as we drove he told me he loves to read, and so do I. It was awkward but I was glad to just meet him and get it over with. It ended up he lies in a shitty area, reminded me of south central LA and fucking scary. I couldn't wait to get the hell back on the safety of the freeway.

He showed me where i could pull over and let him out. Maybe he didn't want me to know exactly where he lived!! I put said it was great to meet him, and he put his arm around me and started to kiss me. I don't know, I just wasn't feeling it! Call me shallow but I knew he needed a shower and a good tooth-brushing!! I could taste he was a smoker too, which sometimes turns me on and sometimes turns me off. This time it was a combination of both in the same kiss! LOL He was really going for it, and I was holding back. More than anything I was terrified of being attacked by some random black person at any moment. Seriously it reminded me of south central LA. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, and I was scared driving alone.

I decided he deserved a second chance! After all, he DID wait an hour and a half patiently to meet me and never complained about the heat. He writes me every morning, "Good morning beautiful" like Blondie used to, and it's just sooooo niceeeeee.

I did tell him his neighborhood was not the place for a girl like me and he agreed, so we are going to figure out a way to get together!

"F" is still very attentive, and is #26 on my FB "who views your profile" app. Blondie is way down at #166, BT it appears there's trouble in paradise between him and the new chick (possibly). She's been depressed and has posted things that my BFF has said looks like she's either been dumped or knows it's coming. Also, Blondie has announced he's getting things lined up to move to Colorado, so maybe he's not asking her to go with??? His profile pic is still the two of them all smiling and holding each other, so as far as I'm concerned, until he changes that profile pic, they are still very much together. But my BFF thinks he's just placating her for now. I guess time will tell.

TGIF and have a great sexy weekend everyone!!!!