Catching up

This will be the most honest blog post I've ever written.

I haven't written anything here since November....????!! I guess you can say I've been a bit busy.

I'm still seeing "James", who I will call "Jesus" going forward bc that's my nickname for him with my friends bc well, he looks like Jesus. Long flowing black hair, bright blue eyes, perfect white teeth and the one-inch or so full beard. He's truly beautiful.

It's been 4-1/2 months we've been seeing each other now, and my life has completely turned upside down. We began seeing each other every Thursday night and with the exception of last night, I've spent the night with him every single Thursday night since we met November 7th.

My hubby hasn't dealt with this well at all (understandably).

In the poly community, they'd call what I have with Jesus "NRE" or "new relationship energy" which is something to be "managed". So for the last four and a half months, I've been head-over-heels for this new guy, and my marriage has taken quite a beating. My husband and I have fought nearly every single day. For a guy that is never jealous, this has caught him quite by surprise.

Early on, things came out of my mouth that shocked the both of us. I said things like, "if you make me choose between you or Jesus, I will choose Jesus." After 26 years of marriage??? Yes. I truly felt that way.

And I still do. How the fuck can he possibly stay with me?

I think he just knows me better than I know myself. I think he knows it's some sort of mid-life crisis. I mean come on. My boyfriend is 26 years old. I'm twice his age. It can't "go" anywhere. He wants a wife and kids someday. And he should have that.

And yes, he calls me his girlfriend. I love it. He even commented on a coffee cup I have that says, "good morning gorgeous" that it was "trying to steal my girlfriend" haha. So cute.

We are in love. I said it to him first, and he says it back now. I told my husband I'm not in love with him anymore. But I DO still love him. But not the way he deserves to be loved.

We've almost split up several times now. We've had the most ferocious arguments. He's tried harder than anyone else ever would to tolerate this behavior of mine and try to ride it out. Sometimes he's done quite well while I was staying overnight at Jesus' house, and other times, he would panic and freak out, calling me, or smashing something at home, or getting black-out drunk to try to cope. Once a couple weeks ago we were on a double date with him and he got so verbally and physically abusive he was thrown out of the club. Jesus told me he "never wanted to see his face again". My best girlfriend is done with him too. And me?? I was done and made him sleep in the guest room. And then I took him back two days later.

He begged for a second chance, which actually, is a third chance (bc of the cheating). I felt like the marriage deserved it. And he does too. He's so remorseful, he totally owns how he behaved. But I had to make him see that just bc I will forgive him doesn't mean my boyfriend or best friend will. He says he was black-out drunk and barely remembers it, but he doesn't minimize its effect on us.

And now Jesus won't come to my gigs. And husband knows it's bc of him being in the band. He feels terrible about it but it is what it is.

I went and looked at an apartment and told Jesus all about it. At the time I saw it, I had every intention of moving there alone. I was so hurt and angry at my husband for his behavior. Since then he's worn me down and made me feel compassion instead of anger. It's bc he just kept so many emotions and jealousy under the surface and seeing the two of us together just boiled over for him he said.

"It's still no excuse" he says. He is taking ownership of it. But I can't get his mean angry face out of my head. The finger in my face saying, "FUCK YOU"  over and over again. Pushing me. Seeing my boyfriend jump off a barstool to defend me.

So here we are now, boyfriend and I are doing quite well but something is off. I had to tell him I was giving my husband another chance. I can't lie or pretend I'm divorcing him if I'm not. And it seems he may be pulling back. Our sex life isn't what it used to be. Other than that little thing LOL our relationship seems perfectly fine. My husband went out of town for work this week and I had Jesus over for 3 days. We didn't even leave the house one day. We laugh and talk and cuddle and get along so well, but not enough sex tbh. I have been trying to get up the courage to ask him about it but have failed. The night I was going to try we both got stoned and drunk (kind of what we do lately) and he waxed poetic about how he loves me and told all his friends about me and how they all want their own "MILFY" (his nickname for me). How I take such good care of him. How happy he is. How he'd "do anything" for me.

And he's sooooooo affectionate. He is very gentle and kind and I've never seen him upset or complain about anything. We are twins that way. We really are so much alike. Even when my husband was in his face he just said, "Dude, go home". He said he really wanted to punch him but he wouldn't do that bc of me. And my husband yelled to him, "SHE LOVES YOU. SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME. YOU CAN HAVE HER!!" and that he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want one so why would he say that? Bc he was "trying to get my attention." He sure got it alright.

So idk really what I want---my husband and I both drank the Poly kool-aid through and through and I just don't know if I can manage two relationships at the same time. I think for it to truly work you have to feel the same way about both people. I don't. And that's where my husbands' jealousy comes from. He knows I don't feel the same way about him anymore.

Will I ever?? Things are better right now. We even had sex. But he said I was crying for Jesus the whole time. How sad and pathetic is that?? What the fuck. I do know this partying is getting out of control. It's fun until it isn't.

We are both in therapy and I've called a couple's counselor my therapist recommended but she's out on surgery leave and we are getting impatient. I don't know what's going to happen. I really can't think properly anymore. There's so much drama and emotion going on 24/7.

We are going to Singapore next week. My husband has factories there and I'm tagging along finally. He wanted to get a ticket for Jesus and I just thought it was a bad idea. It was a very hard decision but I still think it was for the best. I will have one day on my own there as well as a 15 hour flight home. I need the alone time to think about what I want.  I am looking forward to the trip and when I get back, hubby will still be gone for an additional 4 days I can have Jesus over.

Anyways, this is why you haven't heard from me for awhile. Things have been so crazy. I'm very happy, happier than I've been in a long time, and it hurts so much to know I'm causing my husband so much pain.

Will keep you posted.

Love always,
Anna xoxoxoxox

Date #2 (technically speaking)

If you drove past me this morning as I was leaving James' apartment, you'd have seen a girl doing the "walk of shame", but one-up worse--I was in heels and it had snowed overnight. At least I wasn't in a dress (jeans whew). I clump-clump-clumped verrrryyy carefully to my snow-covered car, only to realize not only did I not have an ice scraper but I'd also gotten a $35 ticket. Of course the heels I was wearing were open-toed (it was honestly nice out last night! It had warmed up to 40!) so my toes were totally covered in snow and were frozen. I jumped in my car and started the engine, rolled down the passenger window first and brushed the snow off with my hand, and then did the same with the driver's side window.

And the whole while, I was grinning. I was enjoying my predicament to the fullest. I think I even giggled out loud a couple times. Here I am, this mature older woman, a mother, MARRIED, ...and I'm just leaving another man's apartment. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I picked him up and we went to a restaurant here that's a super famous Middle-Eastern place with hookahs. I couldn't tell him that I remember when my teenage daughter asked for money from me to go there once a couple years ago and I read her the riot act. I had never "hookah'd" and it sounded dumb and a waste of money, and something like getting high.

And here I was hehehe

The hostess asked "booth or table?" and James said, "booth please" and she led us to the very last booth in the back of the restaurant! I asked him, "where should I sit?" and he patted the seat and said, "right here beautiful" and I said, "so we can make out?" and he smiled and said, "of course!" And that's what we did. Walking to our table I saw these weird things on everyone's table--I'd say it looks similar to a small bagpipe, and there was someone at each table sucking on one end of it and puffing the vapor out, some quite talented making little circles. I felt like I was in a strange and exotic land.

I ordered a lemon drop martini, and he said he'd try one too, and then we had to order what flavor of hookah. Seems there's an entire menu devoted to just hookah flavors! We chose "Gummy Bear", and next thing I knew, a young guy full of tattoos calmly walks over to our table , sucking on our "bagpipe" thingy and exhales a stream of vapor. I was like, hmmm, that doesn't look sanitary LOL and sure enough, he set the thing up on on our table and took off his mouthpiece and gave us two new ones that were wrapped in cellophane.

I wasn't sure what to expect, and James was having fun describing what the high was going to be like, and kept asking me if I "felt" anything. I said, "it's hard to discern bc I'm on my second martini!" LOL We ordered appetizers--lamb sliders for him (I don't eat most meat) and something we giggled about called "Shawarma" French fries. We both barely ate, we were either having a very lively conversation or making out! It was so so so fun. If I die today I will die a very happy woman.

He's so damn good looking, those blue eyes and hair longer than mine, scruffy beard and he's just as smart. He's a double-major--pre-law and political science and politically active, but not like a Trumper or anything. He isn't even Republican. He's Independent and we agree on just about everything politically which is such a breath of fresh air. The most amazing thing about him isn't his looks tho, he's just as positive a person as I am. NO depressed guy here. He walks on the sunny side of the street just like I do. He's just good vibes all around. And he isn't stingy with the compliments! Which I live for. His nickname for me is "sweet-thing" but he usually calls me "beautiful". I don't know if he even knows my name LOL now that I think of it I don't think he's ever called me by my name! But I haven't either now that I think of it.....hmmm curious!

We talked about everything, and he told me his uncle actually is transgender and is now his aunt, and his grandma is gay! He said she always was but was afraid to come out until his uncle (now aunt) went through his transition. He was an "oops" baby too and raised by his grandparents. So he's had an interesting childhood, and he's very open-minded.

Dinner was just fabulous and I don't mean the food. We barely ate. I paid (I knew he couldn't afford it on his college income LOL) and he said he wanted to take me to the bar we met at (insert heart emoji here). He said he'd get the tab there. I said "deal!" It WAS a nice evening and we walked there. When we got there it was totally packed with young people all wearing team shirts and watching the game on a gigantic screen. He asked me what I wanted--grey goose and diet sprite, and he had grey goose and Red Bull. He asked if I'd do a shot with him and said yeah! He got us both one, it's called something like "rumple mint" and it left our breath fresh and minty so we had to kiss some more! It was so fun being in a bar like that with him. And trust me, I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb bc I was the only one not wearing green. But no one stared. I love the big city, I don't get bullied or stared at for the provocative way I dress. And I'm with a guy nearly half my age! But nobody cares. It's so awesome.

We drank and we talked more, kissed more, smiled constantly (I love his direct eye contact and his eyes are always smiling....just like him). I loved how he remembered things I had told him and he asked a lot of questions this time to really get to know me. I loved it. And I loved how he told me about these friends of his he wants me to meet, and told me how he's told several of them about me! I hope he finds me special! I really don't know how he feels but it's moving at a really nice, healthy pace. I'm cautious and trying really hard not to get smitten.

Finally we decided to go. On the way out, I saw that they had a backdrop so I said excitedly, "let's have someone take our picture! Would that be ok??" and he said "yeah!!!" so I asked a waiter that was walking past me and he said "sure!" After he took it he asked to see it and then asked me to send it to him.

And he LITERALLY JUST TEXTED ME AS I'M WRITING THIS, "DAMN WE LOOK GOOD IN THIS PIC!' and he asked how much the ticket is for.

HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI ETC. ETC. ETC.

Finally we decided to go and do more than make out in public!! I parked across the street (BTW I asked him if he'd like to drive my sports car but he doesn't know how to drive stick! And he thinks it's sexy that I do! I felt lucky to get a spot at all.  Like the gentleman he always is, he held my hand up the stairs.

I lit a candle I had brought him (OMG he only has one light and it's like fucking daylight and I don't do sex in daylight if I can avoid it LOL) and it was perfect. We immediately started kissing and taking our clothes off just like they do in the movies---practically tearing them off. And my favorite thing he does is pick me up and carry me to the bed. It's so romantic and sexy. He's only got a twin bed LOL so there's not a lot of room but we made the best of it. I wanted to make sure he would lick my pussy bc he didn't the last two dates, so at one point after lots of fucking, I straddled him and just put my pussy in his mouth! Thank God he licked it and it was awesome.

We got tired after a couple hours of fucking (neither of us came) and fell asleep in each other's arms for about two hours. One of us woke up and we just started touching each other and pretty soon he was at full salute and we were fucking again! I love love love love love that and that's why I love spending the night bc I love that dreamy state you're in when you've been asleep and wake up horny for each other! We fucked and fucked but we got tired again and this time we mutually masturbated and I came first, which made him so super turned on, and I told him, "let me know when you're going to cum I'll swallow!" so he did, and I did, and I said 'mmm delicious!" as I melted back into his arms.

I had trouble falling asleep; I'm not used to touching someone while I sleep but I honestly didn't care. I loved being touched by him; he sought ME out all night long. When we'd change position, he'd put his hand on my hip, or put his arm around me and draw me in. Very romantic guy. He's very affectionate.

I was tired but really couldn't sleep. I laid there listening to his nice slow breathing, and once or twice look up at him and watch him sleep. He's so beautiful. The sun was coming up and I could hear other people in the building opening and closing doors and talking, and knew I should leave before I overstayed my welcome.

I loved being in his arms. I feel safe and loved. He opened his eyes and we said good morning and kissed, and I was hoping for another round of fucking but something told me to get going.

It was the sound of scraping---the unmistakable sound of someone shoveling snow.

FUCK! SNOW?!?!?!?!

James said, "yep it must've snowed!" I got up on my knees to look out the window an sure enough, it was a winter wonderland. I couldn't see my car and just saw an empty space where a car used to be and panicked my car had gotten towed. While I was pondering my predicament calmly, James was drinking up looking at my naked body and put his hands on my breasts lovingly and squeezed them. I said, "ooo another round??" and he said something, "I'm gonna save that for next time". I said, "good idea I gotta make sure my car is still there!!!" We laughed and went back under the covers and just snuggled. We both started to fall asleep again and I said, "I don't wanna but I gotta get going!"

I found my clothes scattered all over his floor, and as I was putting on the lingerie-type top I had on he was fascinated with it and was telling me how much he loved it and how good it looked on me! How "great" I always look, I've got "great style" and then he made a joke about our dry cleaner (he thinks it's just amazing we have pick-up and delivery service"). It was cute.

I sat on the edge of the bed to put my heels on and commented it wasn't a great choice for walking in the snow. He laughed and said what I was thinking which was we had no idea it was going to snow and it was really nice out last night!

I gave him a kiss, and he returned it with a deep juicy one, and we said goodbye.

And me and my heels did the walk of shame to my car.

Smiling.

Anna's smitten with a new hottie!

 OMG last night was so awesome!

I had a "first date" with a hottie I had a one-night stand with last weekend! But let me take you back to that night.....I will call him "James".

My hubby and I had Uber'd to Milwaukee and bar-hopped. We were having a blast. And we were getting shit-faced bc we knew we didn't have to drive. I think I was about 5-6 drinks in, and we were in a bar with a live band and they were awesome. When they got offstage we left and walked across the street to another bar. I swear all I remember is walking in the door and seeing this incredible looking guy, and him noticing me as well.

He looked like a dark, long-haired James Franco. Sexy mouth, very straight teeth, blue eyes, about a couple week's growth of beard. He looked about 25 (he's actually 26 hehe). He was dressed so nicely, and he really stood out. His hair cascaded past his shoulders, and it was tousled and sexy. He had a nice dress shirt on, jeans that fit him just nice if you know what I mean, and a dark brown leather jacket. (Does the word "smoldering" come to your mind??) Mmmm well it does me hehe what a fucking hottie.

I swear it was like a scene out of a movie where our eyes met and everything around him was blurry.

All I remember is making a bee-line straight over to him, and he was smiling at me as wide as I was smiling at him. And I remember seeing my hubby stay back as I approached this new hottie. There was just something about him...I can't believe I'm going to say this but it was love at first sight. I have felt that only once in my lifetime, and here I felt it again. It was profound. I felt instantly comfortable with him like I'd known him forever. I took his hand in mine immediately. It felt like a minute had gone by and next thing I know, we'd left the bar and we were walking to his apartment! And it was a nice evening for early November. We walked 1.6 miles haha (I mapped it yesterday!) and I was in stilettos too! It was sooo fun, holding hands and talking and laughing and getting to know one another....and walking and walking and walking! We finally got to his place and went upstairs and just started making out and we took off all our clothes and just fucked. For THREE HOURS!!!!!!! I came four times and he didn't come at all! I was like OMG how does he hold out so long!? We even took a shower together and although my hair ended up a curly tumbleweed, it was so fun. I have never showered with a guy. Soaping up his six-pack abs and getting my breasts caressed with bubbles felt amazing. (Did I forget to mention he's got six-pack abs...?? COULD HE BE ANY MORE PERFECT??)

I was getting sore and it was getting really late. I wanted him to come and knew I needed to get home.

My sense of time was really off, and for some dumb reason (um, Titos??!!) it felt like I'd only been there like an hour and my hubby was texting and I said I was fine and ready to come home could he come get me! He was like, "um, I'm home....." Home is about a 45 min drive. I guess I thought he was still at the bar! Even seeing the time....it was around 3:30 am....I still couldn't grasp that my hubby was "home" home. I tried to get an Uber but my account wasn't working for some reason (I have no idea why not...I have a 4.95 rating....must've been user error haha...) so hubby came to get me.

While we waited we fucked, and when he wrote he was 14 min away, we got dressed, but kept kissing and I was still so turned on by him I didn't let him even zip up his zipper. I put my hand down his pants, found his still hard cock and started rubbing it and he took off those jeans, picked me up and laid me back on his bed and put it right back inside my very-wet pussy. We were all sweaty and fucking hard when my phone chimed and I knew my hubby was outside to get me. We stopped, panting, and laughing, and got dressed again. He had asked me to spend the night but but I said no mostly bc I had never spent the night with any guy. I always just went home. It didn't occur to me to say yes. No one ever asked me to stay before. Thankfully he was turned on and not upset with me at all!

It was a great night. He texted me that night and then again in the morning. Of course, I assumed I'd never see nor hear from him again but happily I was wrong!!!!

The next day he invited me to hang out with some friends of his at some political function he was going to! He's a double-major--poli-sci/pre-law and plans to go to law school. I was like whoa he wants me to meet his friends??? After a one-night stand?? WOW I was so happy! I wanted to go so badly but my hubby said no. I wish I'd gone anyways. I was resentful and angry and vowed never to say no to him ever again. I was very surprised and happy that he texted me every day this week! And asked to see me every single day! This was just what I'd been wanting. Someone as into me as I am them.

We made plans to get together Thursday night (last night). He said he picked out a place for us to hang out and get some drinks and food. I picked him up at his apt--it's a duplex near the college and he got in and it was just magic. We have such crazy chemistry. We said hello and next thing we are kissing madly. Mmmm yummy! He gave me directions as we drove to the bar and he was impressed with my stick-shift driving. lol

It was a super cute bar and we picked a two-top right inside and the server was real sweet and attentive. I noticed every time I spoke, James was smiling and looking right at me. (Could he be as smitten with me as I am with him??) We ordered wings and truffle fries, and we must've sat there for 2 hours. The conversation flowed easily, we talked about everything--his upbringing, his schooling, his dreams, my band, my writing, my kids, religion, politics, food, alcohol pretty much everything. And we'd hold hands, squeeze fingers, touch each other's thighs, and once OH MY GOD no one has ever done this before---what I'm about to tell you sealed the deal for me. My heart is all in.

We were talking and we were very lively, and he was just smiling at me and engrossed in whatever it was I was saying, and then with his hand, he lovingly brushed a wisp of my hair aside and fingered it,
caressing my hair. AS if I needed any prodding!!!  I fell for him right then and there, hook line and sinker as they say.

He'd told me earlier a friend of his was a drummer, and they were going to be playing there! And then this friend texted him he needed a ride, so I said, "sure! Let's go get him!" so we did. His friend was s tall and cute too. He was very friendly and smiled while talking to me, so I hoped he would like me and approve of me dating his friend. When we got back to the bar, the three of us sat at the bar, having beer and laughing and talking. His friend and I talked music and then the rest of the band came over---James introduced me to them and they asked me to come up and sing with them! I said I'd love to!! We discussed what kind of music they play and all and I said that would be super fun absolutely! His friend left to go join them onstage and James and I remained at the bar.

We had another drink and just kept kissing and touching one another, and he said finally, "wanna go?" hahah and I said, "yesssss", so I didn't get to sing. Oh well. I was so turned on I wanted to fuck him so bad. I think he was thinking the same thing ;)

I drove us back to his place, and he again was such a gentleman. Opened the door for me getting out of the car and held my hand up the stairs. Mmmm. We got in and he gave me a little tour again (it's really tiny but so cute bc it's his) and we went to his bedroom and chatted a little--I put on Spotify (30 seconds to mars) and we undressed each other (God how I love that!!), kissed passionately and it wasn't long till he was inside me.

We started on this little couch near his bed, and when I got up to change position, he did something unbelieable---he picked me up, still inside me, fucking me in the air. It was so super hot and fun! Then he carried me over to his bed, still inside me, and laid me down and kept fucking me.

We changed position again, he laid down next to me and turned me sideways and fucked me from behind, but laying down, nibbling on my neck. I was so wet it kept sliding out! I had him lay on his back and I gave him what he called the "best blow job ever"! I said his dick was perfect and it was. Not too long, not too thick, it fit me perfectly in my mouth and my pussy!! Then I climbed on top of him and fucked him. He loves my big titties and held them as I fucked him. I loved the look of ecstasy on his face; and I wanted him to come so badly but he didn't!

I have often said there are two kinds of lovers: there are guys that fuck and guys that make love.

"James" makes love.

He's passionate and gentle and deliberate.

We didn't have as much time together as either of us would've liked as I said I couldn't spend the night (again). It wasn't hubby this time, although he's always ok if I want to spend the night, but we were due for a snowstorm which did hit around 1 am and I made it home by midnight. (woke up to 3 inches of snow on the ground).

Oh! And while we were at the bar, I took a pic of him and his friend, and a couple selfies of him and I. I wanted a pic of us. I sent it to my BFF's and they both said we look like a couple XOXOXOX

He texted me this morning, "thank you for everything last night beautiful".

I. Am. Smitten!!

A broken promise

I'm going to skip my most recent hook-up to fill you in on my recent heartbreak. It's kind of taking over my thoughts the last four days or so and I just want to get it out.

I met a guy I'll call Tyler, we met on Tinder and within two days we met up at a dive bar within walking distance of his apartment. He lives downtown and I'm in the suburbs, so it took me about 45 min to drive there. We hit it off right away texting and we couldn't wait to meet each other. He's 25 and a financial analyst. Tall, blonde, very thin, beautiful blue eyes and the biggest smile with perfect teeth. Very very cute, cuter than his pics. He'd just moved from Chicago and he'd only been here 6 days!!

The dive bar was kind of embarrassing bc there were just a few barflies in there and I'm sure we looked like quite an odd couple. Like mom and son hahaha but I'm sure our body language said either incest or "sugar mama" or "prostitute". LOL He was very nervous and so was I. He'd gotten there first and already had a beer. I had to admit he looked much younger than 25 and he looked awkward drinking a beer. I felt motherly at first like taking it away from him and admonishing him bc he wasn't old enough to drink! So that wasn't a good start.

I ordered a vodka soda and sipped it awkwardly too. It was very awkward. I didn't want to stay there bc like I said, I felt like his mom there, and I was starving. I suggested we get something to eat, and he mentioned a pizza place literally across the street. So he paid for me (loved that!) and we walked across the street. I linked his arm and when we got there we got a table, and our server was young and tattooed and either high or drunk! She wasn't making much sense and was babbling and we thought it was so funny. We got pizza but he barely touched his--I think he was nervous. I ate three pieces (they were cut in mostly little triangles)--just enough that I could keep drinking and not have an empty stomach. Dinner was awkward but the conversation made it less so. We really hit it off--he had a Burning Man story for me (he hasn't been) and we just really started to click. We only had 1 beer. He suggested we "go back to my place for a second beer" and I agreed but told him we weren't having sex. I said it was "too soon". He looked taken aback for a minute and then said, "that's fine!"

It was a beautiful warm summer evening, and we walked back across the street to his apartment. It's in a great location and I told him how we're planning on moving there within a year like just blocks away! He loved that idea. We went in, and it's a very nice, new apartment, and it was obvious he'd just moved and he apologized for the disarray. I reassured him that's what I expected! It was fine. Boxes and nothing put away yet.

We sat on a loveseat that was in the middle of the room and we laughed about it. He got us each a can of beer and there was a little table there and we put them on it. He sat next to me and started to cuddle me and it was nice. Then he went in for a kiss and I let him, but I didn't have a lot of chemistry yet which was weird and new for me, but I was trying something new--taking time to get to know someone I don't have instant chemistry with to try to get a different result. That, and no sex. And he tried a couple times but I stopped him and he finally slowed down and sat next to me, putting my feet up on his lap and just barely caressing my legs. It was nice and I liked it. I liked him a lot.

I didn't stay long, I didn't want to tease him and I didn't know if he was truly a nice guy and wouldn't keep trying and so I said I needed to go. He said "okay!" in such a cute and innocent way, it totally put me at ease. I was relieved and glad. He WAS indeed a nice guy.

He walked me to my car, we held hands and chatted, and when we got there of course he pushed me against the car and kissed me. He wasn't a great kisser but I didn't care--I liked kissing him anyways and thought "hmmm maybe I'll see him again and we can practice!" He was so attentive, so complimentary, and I drove off with a huge smile on my face. I hadn't even turned the corner when he started texting me how great a kisser I was and how beautiful etc and how he couldn't wait to see me again. We'd made plans for the following Sunday and he said "five days wait will be torture".

And he kept his word. He texted a lot and we snap chatted and we discussed what we'd do next date.  I knew I still didn't want to fuck him. I really wanted to see if we could have something deeper.

He suggested sushi and I said "great!" and he picked a place. I drove and picked him up and he kissed me right away. It was awesome. I was becoming smitten. I'd missed him and found myself really enjoying being with him. The restaurant turned out to be a little farther than we'd thought--I should've helped him find it bc he'd only been here in the city now 2 weeks! But again, it was a beautiful warm summer evening, and my shoes were comfortable despite being stilettos. We walked probably almost a mile, hand in hand, chatting endlessly. People stared and I said to him, "I'm sure they think I'm your mother!" and he said he didn't think so but if the did he "didn't give a fuck" which I really liked.

We REALLY talked over dinner. He asked about our open marriage, he asked me all sorts of questions. OH!!! I FORGOT TO TELL YOU--- on our first date I mentioned I blogged and he said he wanted to read them. I texted him the link to my "safe" blog (not this one) when I got home and I honestly couldn't believe it when he told me he'd actually read it. I was blown away. NO guy has ever taken this much interest in me. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was becoming more smitten as the evening progressed. I liked everything about him.

We had sake which I had never really cared for before, but it went down smooth. They had like 10 different kinds and I liked how he took charge and picked out one. He was just too cute. I liked everything about him.

After dinner (which again, he paid for everything. Such a perfect gentleman) we walked back to his apartment hand in hand again. Again, I told him I wasn't ready to have sex yet and he asked why. I said, 'it will ruin it." He said, 'ruin what?" And I said, "I'll never hear from you again" and he prodded and asked me why I thought that. I told him that's what keeps happening to me and told him about my last hookup (the one I skipped telling you about) and he said he couldn't believe anyone would do that to me. He said, "I WOULD JUST WANT MORE AND MORE!!!!!' That was cute and made me smile, but I still wasn't ready to sleep with him just yet. I really wasn't. The chemistry just wasn't there the way it usually is for me and I knew I was trying something new and giving this new experience a chance.

We were near his apartment when he suddenly pushed me up against the side of this building and started kissing me. I loved it. It was romantic and bold. It was super hot. It was just like a movie!
When we got back to his apartment, again he got us a couple of beers and we sat on the same loveseat which was in the same place it was the last time I was there. He cuddled me and kissed me and he really really wanted to touch my breasts and I let him. I was dressed very provocatively and I did want to fool around with him, I just didn't want to fuck him yet. I didn't want sex. And he got a little too grabby and it hurt so I laughed and said something to let him know he hurt me but that I knew it was bc he was super excited. I honestly wasn't trying to tease him. I was trying to get to know him slowly. I didn't want to lose him by fucking him too soon.

Again I didn't want to stay too long; I had a long drive ahead of me (about 45 min) and I didn't want to let things go too far like I did with the last guy I'll call Jonah I'll tell you about next. The conversation was AMAZING. He said things to me like, "what do you have to offer me?" and "how will this work?" and stuff like that. I felt like he was REALLY into me. I said at one point how he should date others if he wants to bc I can't be as available to him as I'd like to be. Of course I don't want him to date anyone else but I can't be selfish!! And I know how to share so I guess I think others can do that too. Anyways, the most amazing thing he said and did was this--are you ready?? He took my face in his hands and said, "I want to know all of this"--and he pointed to my forehead--"and all of this"--and he pointed to my heart. I was melting. I knew the next date I'd want to fuck him. I almost gave in right then and there. But I wanted to save it. I was so happy. It was another perfect date. And here's the clincher----when we were having our deep convo about what kind of a relationship we could have we also talked about how we'd end things if it came to that. He said, and I'm quoting, "I WOULD NEVER EVER GHOST YOU". YEP HE PROMISED. We said we both say to people, "I'm sorry but I don't think we're a match" and we were like wow I said that too! So like I said, he was perfect, saying all the right things and I thought he was totally into me.

And we had talked about the next date and what we would do and when it would be. We decided Thursday, and I said I wanted to definitely have sex with him next time. I said, "Since I have a long drive there and back and I want to have as much time with you as possible, should I just come straight here?" and he said sweetly, "no, no Anna I want to take you out to dinner and talk about keep getting to know you!" COULD HE BE ANY MORE PERFECT????

Again after he walked me to my car and kissed me, it was heaven. I was quite smitten by this point. And again, no sooner had I driven away the texts came. How beautiful I am, what a great kisser, how badly he can't wait to see me again. It was perfect. He was saying all the right things and he was everything I was looking for.

The following week was a big week for me, and it started well. First of all, he was texting me like crazy. It was awesome. I had to tell him Thursday wasn't going to work for me after all bc I had a girlfriend coming in from California. No worries he also had been telling me he had a buddy coming to visit too! I think it was around this time I found his Instagram and sent him a follow request. He told me he deactivated his Facebook and sure enough I couldn't find one.

My band played at a big festival on Friday and he even remembered and wished me a good show. He'd said he wished he could be there but had to work till 6 (we went on at 5). We were literally two miles away from him. I was disappointed but he let me know the week prior he probably wouldn't be able to get off work early as he'd only been there a week. It was fine. I had zero expectations. And I sent him a couple pics someone had taken of me singing and he thought they were hot. He was very attentive Friday. We decided to see each other Sunday instead as his friend would be gone and I thought mind was leaving Sunday as well. We were both very excited to see each other again.

Saturday was brief texting but again very positive and happy and and he was texting first. I knew he had friends there so I wasn't about to pester him. I sent him a couple snaps and he loved them. I was busy too--we went to the festival again with our big group of friends and had a blast.

Sunday morning I wrote him around 10:30 am that unfortunately I wouldn't be able to see him as my friend wasn't leaving after all until Monday. He wrote back immediately he "just woke" and he "thinks he's dying." Big hangover apparently. They'd gone out and had a blast. He begged me to come see him but I couldn't--we were headed out to go on a friend's boat. I sent him a (clothed) pic of some heavy cleavage and said he could 'put his aching head" right between them. He didn't respond and by 4:00 pm I wrote him to see if he was ok. He said he'd just awakened again and that "I wish I could see you right now." I sent him a pic from the boat and he didn't respond until 6:00 Monday night, which made me sad all day bc I had time to go see him and kept waiting to see if he wanted to see me!! I was nearby too! I drove my girlfriend to the airport and could've seen him afterwards. His text was just one text, said he thought the pic I sent was cute and that he'd had such a terrible hangover he was very sick and "work was a nightmare." I said simply, "Yikes, so sorry to hear!"

Nothing else from him that evening, and nothing Tuesday. I wanted to see him so badly. What about our sexy date??? Why wasn't he asking to see me??? I managed to wait until Wednesday night around 9 and wrote, "Tyler I miss you! What's up?" I should've waited for a response and gone to bed. I didn't. I wrote him an hour later, "Talk to me...please?? What's going on ???

He read it Thursday and responded around 3 in the afternoon, "hey sorry! I have had a terrible week, I'll talk tonight sorry".

I haven't heard from him since. Today is Monday.

I had already started grieving assuming something was up, and my week was becoming quite terrible as well, caused by him. What was going on? Why couldn't he/wouldn't he talk to me? If anyone would understand it would be me. I was annoyed tho and really didn't know what to say, and it took me a few hours to respond, to which I simply said, "OK" bc the ball was in his court to explain. An hour after I wrote "OK" I wrote, "you can call me" bc I wanted to hear his voice.

He didn't call, he didn't text, and I got upset. I wrote him around 10:30 pm, "idk what's going on with you Tyler but I'm not giving up on you" and then "When can I come see you? You need me"

He stopped watching my Snapchat stories, but he hasn't deleted me as I can still see his score, which goes up daily. SOMEONE is snap chatting him and vice versa. He has not accepted nor denied my Instagram follow request. He hasn't posted any snapchat stories of his own either.

I was so upset I cried. I've cried a couple times, and obviously, I'm still very upset and hurt he's done the one thing he promised me he would not do, and that's ghost me. That hurts the worst. I mean I'm a big girl. I told him that. I said I've been lied to, and ghosted, and nothing hurts worse than "not knowing".

I wonder since all I've done is think about him and what the fuck is happening, and "will I ever hear from him again?" and "when I do will I even give a shit anymore??" Bc I haven't told you the worst of it---HE HASN'T EVEN READ MY LAST TEXTS. THEY ARE STUCK IN "DELIVERED".

So who walks around with the number 2 next to their messages?? Wouldn't that drive a person crazy? Has he blocked me? Did he just left-swipe it when it came in, which would have deleted everything we've ever written to one another??

So since he's given me no choice but to come up with theories of my own (ASSHOLE) here's what I came up with--

1. Most likely he's got another girl who's fucking him and he feels badly about it bc he DID and maybe DOES care for me but he's getting his needs met and I can't say I blame him. I'm not that available HOWEVER he said he'd never ghost me so fuck just tell me you're seeing someone. Not that fucking hard to do.

2. He's not in jail or the hospital bc I can see he's snap chatting someone. Or several someones.

3. Did I forget to tell you he deleted his Tinder??? Now I don't know when he did it---for all I know it was after we first met up. I didn't think to look until he went AWOL.

I came up with what I call "Reasonable Excuses to Temporarily Ghost Someone". They are as follows:

A) you've lost a significant family member
B) you've been in jail or the hospital
C) you lost your job/apartment and became homeless

These are truly things that can cause a person to not text someone for a certain length of time, and when some sort of stabilization happens, they text people that are important to them and let them know "hey, X-happened and I really lost it there and I'm sorry I haven't written. When can I see you? I'll tell you the whole story." That sort of thing. So, here I sit, waiting for that follow-up text he promised to send. I still have hope. I don't know why. Call me loyal or romantic or stupid. Maybe I'm all three.

And I've been downtown a couple times including last night, and have to fight the temptation to just show up at his apartment. It often works in the movies. LOL

But here's what I ultimately decided--he may have had a terrible week, but you know what?? So did I, bc he made me cry. He didn't keep his word. He broke a promise. I have no idea what's real and what's not.

But I'm not siting around waiting for him. I've got someone new and yes, I'm back at square one, and it's emotionally tiring, but I refuse to be bitter or angry. As each day goes by that I don't hear from him, I care less and less about his bad week, or bad month. I may be sad but I'm not going to let anybody dull my sparkle.

Hot LA Tinder hookup!

Hello my naughty readers, hope everyone's enjoying their summer! When the weather gets hot, so does Anna. I've had some fun, some ups and some downs. Wanna hear?

First of all I was in LA about a month ago and hooked up with a Tinder hottie I'll call Alex that I'd "met" online over a year ago. We'd tried to meet up a couple times but it just didn't work out. This time it did! He came to my hotel--he was cuter than his pics which is always a fun surprise! He's young, 26 I think, lots of tattoos and looks like a dead ringer for M Shadows from the band Avenged Sevenfold. Damn hot. Just my type. And he's got freckles and a sweet, shy way about him. I met him in the lobby and he was feeling excited and so was I! Having a Tinder guy meet you at a 5-star hotel is always fun. He was overwhelmed and excited and when we met, we hugged and he had a huge smile. We were immediately at ease with one another, and I linked arms with him and we chatted as we walked to the elevator. We liked each other instantly! We'd texted a bit over the year so we felt like we knew about each other enough to feel comfortable. And we did!

We got to my room and he was amazed. I showed him the view of the outdoor pool--it had these large lights floating in the shape of spheres and was just super cool. I wish he'd gotten there earlier-I told him I wanted to have a drink together first and hang out. He had come from a family BBQ so.

He was a perfect gentleman, asked what I wanted to do and said he'd let me take charge so I'd feel comfortable. We started kissing and it didn't take long for all the clothes to come off. He had a great body! He was maybe 5-11, a bigger guy but mostly muscle-y. Washboard stomach. Full sleeve tattoos on both arms. Super sexy and those freckles on his face weakened me. He laid down on the bed and the first thing I did was straddle his face and pushed my pussy onto it. I decided this is my new thing hahahaha bc I need to weed out the guys who won't lick pussy straightaway! And he dove right in. It was awesome. I didn't need to stay there long bc I can't cum that way anyways, I just wanted to make sure he would do that. And it's a hot move I know these guys don't get from their young chicks bc they always tell me.

I massaged his head while he ate me out and I moaned my appreciation. After a good licking I wanted to return the favor so I gently climbed off of him, kissed him (bc again--most chicks don't like kissing a guy after he's licked them). I straddled his hips and rubbed my pussy on him and we kissed--he was a GREAT kisser! And then I made my way down to his stiff hard cock. I gave him a nice long slow BJ and he was very appreciative! I had my condom ready and tore it open and handed it to him. It totally turns me on watching a guy put a condom on. I just love watching guys touch their dicks hehe ;)

I climbed on top of him and fucked him hard, his hands holding on tight to my ass. And then with one arm around my waist, he flipped me over and fucked me from on top. We changed positions a couple times. The one that put him over was us laying with him behind me, fucking me from behind, kissing and biting my neck, his hands fingering my pussy. I didn't cum (I usually don't with anyone new) but it was F U N!!!!! He was sweet and delicious and I felt turned on and safe with him. All necessary things!! We laughed and we were sweaty and happy. We cuddled for a little bit--it was nice. We chatted about how fun that was and how it took a year to finally meet up! I said that I travel there a few times a year and I want him to be my boytoy every time I visit! He said "definitely!!"

Yum yum yummy

Unfortunate turn of events

My friend and I stayed till the very end of Brandon's acoustic show that Thursday night. I wanted to make out with him so badly. They were gathering up their equipment and all, and we paid for our drinks and got up to leave. I messaged him, "Walk me to my car?" he didn't respond quickly enough, so we just left. He wrote a half hour later, "where'd you go???" I said, "we left" He said he had wanted to kiss me goodbye. I thought that was awesome. I intentionally won't act like one of his groupies. He's going to have to work a little harder with me, I was thinking.

For some reason the next day's coffee date didn't happen, I can't remember why now but it wasn't a big deal. I was still coughing a lot and I was relieved. So we finally made yet another coffee date for this past Friday. I bravely suggested a day before we were to meet, "fuck coffee. Let's have a beer!" and chose a dark, cozy pub literally half a block from the coffee place. Every message I sent he'd read immediately and respond immediately. We definitely had mad chemistry, and everything was going great.

I looked and felt very sexy and by this time, I was completely better and finally stopped coughing. If you've ever had pneumonia, trust me, the coughing just never seems to end. I had on a tight silver sleeveless dress, a rust colored leather jacket, and my Guess boots. I felt so pretty and was so excited to meet up with him. I had fantasies of bringing him back to my place bc my hubby was out of town and would be for another 4-5 days.

I got to the pub, and there was fucking NOWHERE to park. I drove around in circles, and started to panic, thinking he'd think I wasn't showing up. I pulled over in a bank parking lot and grabbed my phone to write him that I was there but couldn't find a place to park.My heart sank when I saw he'd written me, "Ugh stuck at work. Are you free Wednesday night for a drink?" I wrote, "I was just about to write you that I'm here and can't find a place to park!" I sat for a moment, so frustrated and annoyed, but glad he'd suggested seeing me another time. I wrote my BFF and my other friend and told them what happened.

I drove home in silence, got home, took off my pretty dress and laid on the bed feeling so sad and disappointed.

I finally looked again at his message, and that's when I saw he'd written it just a little over an hour before the time were supposed to meet! I instantly wrote him an apology, that i hadn't realized he'd written it more than an hour before we were supposed to meet! I couldn't believe I'd missed his message. If I'd seen it, I wouldn't have gotten all dressed up and driven down there! I said, "I must've been in the shower and missed your message!" He wrote back immediately, "I'm so sorry!!" then, "You? In the shower? YUM!" and thats' when I smiled and believed he wasn't making up a story to get out of seeing me, but quite possibly really couldn't leave work. We flirted and I said I was free Wednesday (which is tonight by the way).

Then I boldly said, "I think you should just come over. I've got an empty house til Monday". He responded immediately (as always), "OH YEAH????!!" I wrote back, "yes indeed mister and it's going to waste with you being all busy and shit (kissy face emoji)". He wrote back immediately again, "Hmmmmm....when????!!!" obviously very excitedly. I said I had plans that night with our mutual friend, and I knew he had a show Saturday night, but I didn't have any plans for Sunday. He responded immediately, "ok let me see what I can work out for Sunday". I said "sounds awesome".
He sent a sticker of a kissy face. I said 'that's cute."

Saturday evening, about an hour before his band was to go on, I wrote him, "hey have a good show tonight sexy man". He didn't respond until 2 am and said, "Aw thanks sweetie". I responded about 7 hours later (when I woke up) with a kissy emoji.

Sunday, nothing from him. I was getting upset. Trying to let him come to me but I'm shitty at being patient. So around 4:30 I wrote, "So hey! Do I get to see you tonight?" with a hands praying emoji.

HE TOOK OVER 24 HOURS TO EVEN FUCKING READ IT.


AND TO THIS MOMENT, THIS DAY, HE HAS NOT RESPONDED.

And I still clung to the hope that he'd remember he'd asked me out for tonight and write me, "so, Sunday didn't work out.....you still free tonight?" But no. He didn't.

So whatever.

Readers? Tell me what you think happened. Did I fuck up??

Oh, btw, Sunday night I wasn't about to sit home and pine for that fucker. I knew there was a music industry event ironically at the same bar he had his show at the night before! I didn't know a single person who was going and went anyways. I wore that same outfit and guess what!? I met some new people and networked and had so much fun and posted all sorts of hot pics of me with super fun people. Take that Brandon.

Oh, and that "ladder app" that shows who stalks your Facebook profile the most? Guess who's number one.

Brandon.

Someone new...someone older????

Hello my sexy readers! How are you all doing? I'm sorry I haven't written lately. I've had a weird month. We have much catching up to do!

First of all, I went to see Blondie! My hubby encouraged me to go see him. He moved 5 ours up north, and I drove to spend the night with him! The last hour I drove in a terrible snowstorm and was questioning my sanity (and my libido LOL) bc what if I crashed and died up there? How would I explain where I was???

We had a great visit. I should write it all out for you but I just haven't had the time. Let's just say, we still have an amazing connection. We went for a new record but ending up tying the last one LOL he came four times and the sex was GREAT as always. He still hasn't made me cum although he sure tries; whenever I get close he goes and does something different and I'm like, "NO!! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!" lol I don't say it I just gently move his fingers and try to show him but he has his own ideas about what I might like so yeah, I went for my OWN record and masturbated myself to orgasm with him 3 times. He loved watching so yeah!

The best parts of our night together were two things....we'd been fucking and when we were done I realized my phone was almost dead and my charger was in my car. So we had to get all dressed and go get it. It was snowing hard but it was beautiful--big huge snowflakes coming down like feathers, and it was sooo quiet out. He walked with me to my car, and drew a big heart on my back windshield that said "B + A" (Blondie +Anna, but our real first names) and that was soooo romantic!!! He kissed me with the snow coming down on us and it was sooo romantic!

The other best part was, the next morning, I had to pack up and leave and he said he'd go out and clean all the snow off my car for me  (insert heart emoji!!!) while he did I packed my things. He came back to the room, and it was only 10:15 (I planned on being on the road by 11, when we had to check out of the hotel) and I said, "I don't have to leave for another 45 minutes!!" He smiled that naughty smile and we tore off all our winter clothes and boots as fast as we could and fucked again! It was so hot. We are so hot for each other.

There were a few bad parts though that I don't really want to get into right now, just suffice it to say nothing bad, just I spent enough time to get to know him better, and I honestly didn't like what I saw. It made me realize that sometimes it's best to not take my lovers out in public! He is 25 but acts like he's a 10 year old boy. He drank too much, got rowdy and inappropriate and I thought, "ugh".

And so he fell off his pedestal.

And the next day after I got back from seeing Blondie, I got real sick. Urgent care twice sick. The flu, pneumonia, and finally a sinus infection. Two rounds of antibiotics and fevers of 103-104. I lost two weeks. But what I'm going to tell you next has made it all better.

A week later, on a Sunday night, around 11 pm, I get a PM from a musician I know, an acquaintance. We go back about 5 years. He's the lead singer of one of the most successful bands here and is extremely good looking, great voice, and all the women throw themselves at him. Every performance is filled with women fawning all over him. I've seen his band a few times and I wasn't that impressed for some reason, something I couldn't put my finger on. I know his guitarist better than I know him bc he goes to all our music industry meetings and he's a really nice guy (bald, not my type, but a great person and amazing guitarist).

The only history I have with this hot singer who I'll call Brandon is five years ago was when I first went to see his band. I remember being all dressed and liquored up, with my hot blonde BFF and we were coming out of the bathroom and he walked by. I was instantly smitten and stopped him and said, "are you single?" he said, "maybe!" and we giggled and walked away. The only other time I encountered him was at a music industry convention last January; his band had a booth and so did ours, and with my bandmates we went to say hi. I took a selfie of the two of us, but it was more to brag about having a selfie with this hot, uber successful singer than anything else. I wasn't really attracted to him at this point, there was a super hot drummer I spent most of my time hanging out with instead who's bands' booth was two booths down from Brandon's bands' booth.

So fast forward to that PM four weeks ago....he wrote, "can I ask you a question?" and since he's a realtor by day I assumed it had to do with a question about our house, bc we are in the process of getting it ready to be listed. He said, " it's about a mad passionate love affair". I was like, "WHAT????" I just said, "who's?" real flirty. I was really shocked! Brandon? From THAT BAND LIKES ME????!!! I couldn't believe it! I was like, I've known you for years. Why now?" He said it was the combination of "liquid courage" and me liking his FB post about him going bowling! He'd checked in at a bowling alley and I "liked" the post bc it made me think how much I love bowling and having gone in years! And that's what tipped him over the edge to have the courage to write me. I thought that was so hot. He's wanted me all this time. WOW No one's ever pined for me for that long and then told me.

So we texted back and forth the next day and the next, talking about our marriages (yes, he's married and has three kids), how we "do" non-monogamy and all. He said they had a DADT ("don't ask, don't tell") which I really don't agree with bc it involved lying. I said, "so if you're out on a date with me, what do you tell your wife?" he said that he's out with a friend. Hmm.

So we decided to meet for coffee the following Friday. I was still coughing but feeling much better, and I'd lost 7 pounds and felt more attractive! He had an acoustic show the night before, and another friend of mine asked me to go with her! OF COURSE I SAID YES!!! So we stopped at a different bar and had something to eat and drink, and then ventured over to the bar he was performing at. I looked damn good and I knew it. The ambience in this bar was perfect. My friend and I walked in, and had to walk right past him and his guitarist, which was super embarassing. They were in the middle of a song and we smiled at each other, and we went and sat down on a bench seat next to one another, off to the side, but close. I was so attracted to him I couldn't even look at him. I really couldn't believe he had said the things he had said to me.

The most interesting part is, he's OLDER. Probably in his late 40's. I've never been attracted to anyone even 30! So this was a first for me, and I'm sure it has everything to do with his celebrity. But I'd never really looked at him before.

They finished their first set soon after we sat down and got our first drinks, and he and his guitarist (different from the one in his band) and they both came over to say hi. He hugged my friend first (as he should have, they've been friends for years) and then he came over to hug me. I got up and he hugged me so tightly, then he kissed me a quick kiss (super awkward) and then hugged me again. He didn't want to let go. I was getting so turned on but uncomfortable at the same time! Then he finally let go. He stood opposite me (there was a table between us) and his guitarist was standing opposite my friend, but I honestly couldn't look at him. He's got blue eyes and oh my god dimples. And did I mention HIS MUSCLES??? OMG biceps so huge and rock hard. A sexy tribal tattoo around one of them. And he's such a happy guy, he's always smiling and you can always see those dimples. I was smitten. Finally my friend goes, "PICTURE!!" The guitarist went and sat to my friend's left and Brandon came and sat next to me. He sat THISCLOSE and put his arm around me.

 I could smell him, oh my god he smelled so good, just manly, not a heavy cologne scent. My friend grabbed my phone and I unlocked it, and while she and the guitarist were jostling to get the angle just right, Brandon started caressing my exposed thigh (I was wearing a short dress) with his index finger. Up and down, slowly touching my thigh, and I was going crazy inside. I put my arm around him too for the picture, which they took 5 pics, and I was so drawn to him. I was so turned on. Those dimples. Those muscles. The two vodka tonics I'd had left me uninhibited, and I found my mouth next to his cheek, my lips parted and panting, brushed them against his cheek! Then I was like "OH MY GOD ANNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" and stopped myself. The pics got taken, and then they got up and said they were going to go get drinks and go to the bathroom and all before their second set. I cannot stop thinking about that three minutes with him.

But sadly, nothing ever came from it. We've never met up. I'll start a new post bc this one's just getting too long.

Sigh.

Hot sex with New Guy!

I had fun with New Guy yesterday. Yes! New Guy! Who I keep saying I need to give him a name, but then I lose interest in him and we have this lull where we don't contact each other anymore, and then he pops back. So, he will just continue to be New Guy. I can't seem to come up with a better nickname for him. Maybe something will occur to me while I write this.

So Blondie has been super attentive, but let's face it--he's five hours away and we all know he WILL dump me again bc he's done it twice already. I swear I have PTSD every time he messages me bc I'm literally always on alert for that "I can't talk to you anymore, I'm "pursuing" this new chick" text that WILL COME EVENTUALLY. I am really only a place mark, a true "in-between" girl until somebody better comes along. And by better, I mean half my age and single and available who can see him every day and play video games and go out on dates. I can't do those things bc I'm married, and that's fine. I like the arrangement we have--the same arrangement I have with all my guys. But I have to be careful not to get attached.

So it makes perfect sense to keep seeing other guys and not put all my hooks into Blondie, right? And New Guy started messaging me a few days ago, actually asking me questions about the band and how was life treating me, etc. Instead of his usual, "sup", and "wanna hang out?" It was nice. So I went over there. And it was awesome--our best yet.

See, I have this theory about the way men have sex. Some fuck, and some make love. Guys who just "fuck" don't care if you cum; it's all about them. It's a sexual act that mainly focuses on THEIR pleasure. Blondie makes love. New Guy fucks. And when I tell you the way he fucked me yesterday, you'll see how he transformed himself into a guy who "makes love". If you read my blog consistently, you'll see the difference in the guys I've been with. Here's my unofficial list off the top of my head:

Men who "fuck":

1. Abercrombie
2. New Guy
3. Asian Stripper Boy
4. Freckles
5. Most random hook-ups

Men who "make love"

1. My husband
2. Blondie
3.Jordan
4. HH
5. Hot Lips

And yesterday New Guy went from column one to column two.

I entered his apartment, and like always, it's dark and I can't see anything. The smell of pot is apparent though not overwhelming. New Guy is always in bed waiting for me, his TV on, and he's usually dressed. This time he was already naked, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I feasted on his already hard cock as he greeted me, sprawled out on his bed. I smiled and he got up and kissed me hello, a juicy deep kiss and then proceeded to peel off my clothes one item at a time. Being that it was 14 degrees out,  I had a lot of layers on and we laughed how long it was taking to get me naked! Finally everything was off but my socks, which were over my leggings and stuck, so I sat on the edge of his bed to get them off and he came up behind me and straddled me. He pressed his body up against mine, and I could feel his hard cock up against my lower back, but what he did next was unexpected and wonderful.

He's a big guy, six-four like my hubby, but not as skinny, he's not fat but just big, and like my hubby, has big hands. And New Guy took those big warm hands of his and caressed my arms up and down, slowly and lovingly, warming me up, kissing my neck from behind as he did so. I was like WHOA THIS IS SO NICE!!!!! I melted into him, just enjoying the feeling of his caress and his warm body up against mine. I closed my eyes and just let him adore me.

I asked him, "So, do we need a condom?" He answered that it was "up to me". I said, "well it depends! I'm clean but who've YOU been fucking?" I was referring to his ex-girlfriend who he fucked a few months ago who gave him chlamydia!!! He laughed and said, "nobody really". I said,"nobody REALLY or NOBODY??" he said, "nobody" I said, "GOOD. You should just fuck ME." He agreed and we both laughed.

Then he pulled me astride him from our sitting position, and laid back down with me on top of him. He didn't seem as interested in sex as he was cuddling and being touched. It was really nice and unexpected! Those big hands were just everywhere on my small frame; he wasn't grabby at all. Suddenly everything he did was done slowly and affectionately. Up and down my arms, up and over my stomach (which I hate my stomach being touched), and my breasts. Instead of grabbing them he cupped them and brought them to his face--nose first he buried his face into my cleavage, coming up for air to suck my nipples, then moved me down and put his stiff cock between them and fucked them. I love the way he takes charge; he moves me where he wants me. I never have to ask or wonder, "what should we do now?" Then he gently pushed my head down to his cock for me to suck it. I gave it all the attention I wanted to, and he played with my hair and moaned while I pleasured him.

We didn't have much time together; we had less than an hour. We were squeezing in an hour to see each other, which I thought was super hot. And since he's usually a guy that "fucks", we're usually done in an hour anyways so to me it was perfect. Fuck each other and I get to go home. No emotion, just sex.

It was interesting how he kept talking to me off and on--like every time we switched positions he asked me something. I can't remember what about now--but I know we mostly talk about music and our bands. He's never been this interested in me before! Then I rose up from giving him awesome BJ and positioned myself so his dick slid right into me, his hands on my ass, I fucked him hard, until he lifted me off to keep himself from coming. We did this a couple times, then he rolled me off of him and played with my clit, trying to make me cum. He hasn't yet; he tries but it hasn't happened. I will need much more time to show him how to make me cum sometime. (Next time!) He would talk to me during it all!

Suddenly my legs are in the air and he's on top of me, fingering me again, and then he opens my vagina up, kisses me deeply and slowly inserts his cock in me. I love the way he does that; he doesn't just shove it in, he always uses his fingers to get me ready and open me up. He fucked me hard and then stopped himself again so he wouldn't come too fast. Flipping me over again, he whispered, "you on top". And being on top I got to set the pace so we fucked hard at first, and then I whispered back, "slowly", and fucked him slowly, which is MY favorite, and he came. Afterwards, we just laid there for a bit, he laughed and said how awesome that was and that he wished he didn't have to go to work and I could stay longer. I said "me too", although it was actually a lie; I like to go home when we're done and be alone.

I rolled off of him and laid in the crook of his underarm and we chatted for a bit. He wanted to talk about Trump's speech (he's a huge Trump fan and he knows I'm not) so we did. And it was lively and fun as always, and then he had to get up and get ready for work.

He jumped in the shower and left the door open and was chatting the whole time. I have never seen him so engaging with me. He was gregarious and happy and silly, not at all the depressed guy he often. He was more like Blondie--very outgoing and chatty and just so happy, it was a super nice change. I felt energized being around him instead of the usual "ugh you're half my age! You have your whole life ahead of you!" I don't know what's changed with him but it was wonderful.

He got out of the shower and as he was drying off, I was getting dressed, and I was just outside the bathroom door watching him. It seemed so intimate compared to what we usually do together (just fuck and go home). I got to see his whole "get ready" routine, which included cologne and tooth-brushing and it was just so fun to watch him. He had no self-consciousness whatsoever around me.
I watched him dry off (super hot!) and get dressed, and the best part was the ball cap he put on backwards. I just stared at him while he chatted away, thinking, mmmmm I think I'm smitten!! He looked younger and healthier than I'd ever seen him. He was certainly happier. He said I was a "saint" for "putting up with him." I said simply, "I think you're adorable." He laughed as if that couldn't possibly be true and said, "YOU'RE the adorable one."

Then he asked me if I'd mind if he smoked before he went to work (what am I, his mother???) and I said "of course not". He doesn't drink, hasn't in years, but has told me before that he's "always high". He sat down on the living room couch, and apologized for the mess. I said jokingly how it's apparent two bachelors live here. He said his roommate's a slob and he gets tired of doing all the picking up. Then he picked up something that looked like an hypodermic needle but it was quite large, almost looked like a toy one you'd get to go with a Halloween costume. He explained as he got ready to use it what it was; he was doing something called "pot wax" which I'd seen on an Instagram post of a friend of my daughter's once and it horrified and terrified me. I'd never heard of such a thing. How ironic I had sex with a guy who does this. He demonstrated how he uses it, how it's "pure THC" (which I've heard is the opposite of medicinal marijuana?) He lit a small little tin with a lighter, used the hypodermic-needle looking thing and inhaled from the little tin. He asked if it bothered me and I said no, it didn't, and it really didn't, this was HIS life, and he's not my boyfriend. He can do what he wants, and he seems to function well high. He said again, "you're a saint to put up with me". He was done lickety-split and walked around looking for his keys. I got my two jackets on, and my hat and gloves and had my keys in my hand, and he led me out, down the stairs to the garage where I was parked just in front of it. He opened the garage door and walked me to my car, commenting on how cute it is and teased it for not handling well in the snow. I said it's the driver not the car LOL

And then in front of God and anyone who could've seen us, he kissed me a sweet kiss goodbye and told me to "drive careful" at least twice. As we walked to our separate cars, he wished me a good rest of my day. He really seemed so much more engaged with me than I've ever seen him.

Next time I definitely think I'll want to stay longer ;)

Indescribably delicious

I just got home after dropping Blondie off at his apartment.

I have to write this all down so I don't forget anything.

And yes, it was A M A Z I N G.

Sigh.

He's literally loading everything he owns into a small driveable U-Haul as I write this and moving five hours away tomorrow morning.

He's made a mess of his life. He's moving back in with his mom with his proverbial tail between his legs.

Over the course of the last couple of weeks he apparently pissed off his girlfriend, went to Mexico on vacation with a group of friends, then lipped off to his boss which got him fired. Which rendered him homeless, since he worked maintenance at an apartment complex and got a reduced rent there. He had moved out of his old place two months ago to get a bigger place in the same complex with his girlfriend but she (apparently) kicked him out. In addition, he got a DUI in May when he got in a wreck so there's that. So he is jobless and car-less and homeless, and moving in with his mother and his step-dad for "least a year" to get his shit together. "Maybe go back to school".

So he'd announced his plans to move on a Facebook post yesterday (leaving out the "pissing off" everyone part). It must've been shocking to his friends bc last I looked, he'd had about 53 likes and sad faces and hearts and about 25 comments or more from well-wishers. He's made announcements like this before but never with a target date, so I knew he was serious. I also was privy to the fact that he was in a desperate situation bc he'd written me a few days ago asking if I would take his beloved cat while he looked for a place to live. And just as my hubby and I were discussing how we'd make that work, Blondie wrote me he was going to "try to make it work" with his ex-GF and so I wouldn't need to take his kitty after all. Raise me up and drop me, that's Blondie's MO. My BFF said, "what a douche!!!" But I know him better. He's not a douche. He's a hot mess, he doesn't know what he wants and so he's just grabbing onto anything that will stick. He's got a huge heart and hates more than anything to let anyone down, let alone hurt someone, but the truth is, he ends up hurting everyone including himself. He didn't end up with many options I guess.

I knew I had to see him and say goodbye. Five hours away might as well be five states, or five countries away as far as I was concerned. So I wrote him and asked if he was really moving and he responded right away, "yes I am". I told him I had something for him, and he responded by asking me "are YOU the gift??" with a wink emoticon. I couldn't believe it! Was he actually flirting with me?? I mean, this is the guy I've rarely spoken to for over a year because he "can't talk to me anymore". I felt myself getting excited and my hopes up. We messaged back and forth and he finally asked me if I could pick him up at 10 am.

I think you know the answer to that question!!!!

He confirmed this morning around 9:15, which honestly still surprised me, bc he's known for being a super big flake. I gave it less than a 50% chance we'd really see each other today. I expected him to say he had too much to do, blah blah blah, but he didn't.

I was sooo nervous. I looked back on these posts before I left to see when was the last time I'd seen him. Dec. 8, 2016. More than a year ago. And although we're Facebook friends and have had some communication here and there, it's been very infrequent, so seeing him today, let alone having sex with him gave me butterflies! So much time had passed, and yet another girlfriend fiasco.What if I wasn't attracted to him anymore? I had told my BFF that looking at his pics online I felt warm towards him but my lady bits weren't really tingly.

Maybe I just needed to see him in person.

*******

I wanted to chug a couple of vanilla vodka shots but I had to drive. I really could've used some liquid courage. I drove up to his apartment, saw the U-Haul, and parked across from it. And I was just putting the car into gear when I saw him hurrying in the cold to my car, and he got in. We were all smiles. We grabbed each other in a huge bear hug and didn't let go. He looked absolutely the same to me. Super long blonde mane with a black knit hat, those blue eyes behind dorky, broken black glasses that he pointed out to me later he'd super-glued in one spot. A sexy few days' ginger stubble.

Finally we parted, and I said, "I just can't believe you're really sitting here in my car!" He agreed. We talked about how long it had been--I didn't divulge the exact date--but we agreed it had been way too long.

As I drove us back to my house, he told me about his upcoming move, how he got to this point. The remark to his boss (he didn't say what it was), the break-up with the GF (he shared no details) having literally nowhere to go but his mother's, which was not exactly what he had planned for himself. He has the realization that he caused all of this. He is the common denominator. Later on when the opportunity presented itself, I said to him how he must not really want (these things) or he wouldn't sabotage them. He said about us, "we could've gone so far". Um yep we could have Blondie. You stopped it. NOT me.

On the drive to my house he commented on my cute car, how it's "so me". I currently have reindeer antlers in the windows and a red puffy "nose" on the hood grill, and I was telling him I should design  Minnie Mouse ears for each window and a red bow for the hood. He smiled and said, "you so should!!!!" and then he got quiet and I looked at him again, and he said, "I tried to be your Mickey".

LUMP IN THROAT!!!!!! WHAT DID HE JUST SAY????!!!!! HE TRIED TO BE MY MICKEY??!
WHAT DID THIS MEAN????!! OH MY GOD!!

I couldn't even react. I didn't say anything. The words just hung in the air as if they were big fluffy snowflakes drifting sideways. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. I felt an electric shock go through me.

Finally I pulled my car into my garage, and he went bounding into the house like a puppy. He kicked off his shoes and my dog ran over to him to say hi. He excitedly said his name and gave my dog affection. Then he saw one of my cats on the back of the couch, went over to her and addressed her by name too, and pet her lovingly. He remembered their names. I thought that was sweet.

It was a little awkward, and I honestly wasn't sure he wanted sex! Nor did I! I had my guard up. I didn't want to start liking him too much again. I was so glad how I really had gotten over him completely. Well, maybe I hadn't, because I'm the one that reached out to HIM to "say goodbye".

I mostly felt a longing for him. I was excited but sad at the same time, because so much time had passed, and he was moving! It was almost like, "why are we doing this? What's the point??" The chemistry was definitely very much there.He seemed very distracted by his thoughts, moving and all, so I started with asking him if I could get him anything. He said he was fine. I had a few things I had gotten him (souvenirs) I'd never given him so I suggested we go into the kitchen and I gave them to him. I told him laughingly that it seemed every time I'd gotten him something, he would write me and say he couldn't talk to me bc he had this new GF so it seemed they were bad luck charms! His face got sad and he looked down and said, "I'm so sorry", and I said lightly, "that's ok". I made a joke of it. He loved them though. He seemed very moved.

I told him how I noticed in his Facebook pics of his trip to Mexico, he's wearing the tank top I got him so long ago. He said excitedly, "That's my favorite shirt!!!" We both beamed.

We awkwardly stood in the kitchen looking at each other, smiling, and he was kind of floating and twirling around, and I finally said, "what do you want to do?" He said, "ANYTHING!! I'm up for anything!" and he came over and hugged me tightly, and I felt his hard dick pressed up against me as he held me. He pulled away slightly and began to kiss me deeply. Mmmm it was delish. Then he let go and skipped down the hall towards the staircase, and pointed up with a devilish grin, his eyebrows asking me, "can we go up here??" I laughed and followed him. I reminded him of when he was on crutches and leapt up and down them previously. He smiled at the memory and said, "oh YEAH!!! I REMEMBER THAT!!!" He stopped at the top of the stairs to pet my other cat, and it was so cute how he remembered his name too.

He made a bee-line into my bedroom next, and plopped himself down on my bed like he owned it. Fully clothed. I said I had to get the ambiance "just right" and he joked, "ABSOLUTELY!!" I lit a candle and looked for a playlist on my phone, and turned on the bluetooth speaker. I told him how I was going to buy him tickets to his favorite group Odesa for his birthday but he went back to his girlfriend so I didn't buy them. He said, "oh my god were you going to take me??" I said, "Of course! They were playing in Madison the day before your birthday!" He put his arm across his face and said, "oh my god, wow, really? sigh". Yep Blondie, you missed out.

He beckoned me, "come over here!" and I obeyed. I laid down next to him; he put his arms around me and just hugged me again. So tightly. And hugging led to kissing, and next his hand was slowly caressing my leg, my butt, my back, every part of me. Like I was a Ferrari, you know? Have you ever touched a Ferrari?? You stroke it gently, lovingly, not wanting to scratch it. It's the most unbelievable thing you've ever seen and can't believe you're touching it. Every inch of it is a miraculous thing to behold. That's how I felt. Like a prized luxury car.

Or a Queen.

Somehow I managed to squeeze in saying, "Groping through clothes is the best! don't you think?" And he purred in agreement and kept on touching me, till finally all I wanted to do was rip our clothes off. So that's what we did ;) Blondie unzipped his pants and pulled them down to show me his welcoming big, thick stiff dick and smiled. I swiveled around and took off my socks one-by-one, my leggings, and then my top and just had on a matching silver bra and thong. He pulled off his sweater and shirt and voila, there was a fully naked Blondie in my bed. I told him I just couldn't believe he was there. He said softly, "me neither!", and everything accelerated from there...

He was passionate without being grabby. I'd forgotten what a great lover he is, and I mean specifically in that way. He's very passionate, not grabby at all, in fact, he is SO not goal-oriented at all. I feel like he makes love, not "has sex" with me. Everything that happens is organic. He doesn't really talk except to moan or say my name as he's moaning. One time I was on top of him and he was fucking me hard from underneath him, and he slowed himself down and told me, "close your eyes. I want you to FEEL ME." and I did. And once again he said it, "feel me". And as soon as I let myself feel him with my eyes closed, I burst into tears. I was feeling too much. I made myself stop as quickly as I could so he wouldn't see.

After that amazing move, he moved me gently off of him and laid my down next to him, spooning. He caressed my body and his hand moved down to insert his fingers into my vagina and I swear he got me really turned on that way. Like everything else he does, it was slow and sensual. I loved it. Some guys just jam their fingers in you and think you like that (insert laughing-till-crying emoji here). He doesn't do that. He's gentle. It's like he caresses the outside of my pussy while he's putting them inside all at the same time. It feels amazing. And he doesn't "feel around in there" like he's looking for a lost penny. (Why do guys do that???) I wish I could tell him all this!

He flipped me over and fucked me hard on top. I loved the eye contact. That's the best. So intense. I hate when guys have their eyes closed more than they're looking at you bc otherwise it feels like they're just fantasizing about some other chick (or porn) while I'm the one who's naked. He would fuck me hard and as he did, that long blonde mane would hang down and I'd grab it and pull on it, or brush it out of his face. And my favorite is when he'd flip it himself out of the way. Just like a fucking sexy caveman. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I ordered him, "FUCK ME BLONDIE!! FUCK ME HARD!!!' He brought out the animal in me.

I straddled him and climbed on him so that I put my pussy right in his face. He ate me out appreciatively, and I then moved down and "tittie-fucked" him. He said he'd never done that before! I thought about his ex-girlfriends' A-cup tits and said, "you gotta have big ones for it!" LOL I rubbed my pussy on his thigh and told him I was going to dry-hump him and we were both going to cum like that. We almost did. Almost. It was naughty and fun.

Then I just gave him the royal treatment. I licked him up and down slowly and gently, avoiding his dick, up and around his balls, the inside of his thighs, his tummy, and stroked him gently with my hands while he laid there alternatively watching and not, his eyes closed in ecstasy. He moaned my name over and over. Finally I took his dick in my mouth and teased the tip, making it super wet with my saliva. He squirmed in delight and grabbed me by my hair and pulled it hard, pulling me on top of him, sticking that big fat cock of his inside me and fucking me so hard he came. I loved it when he said, "omg (my name) I'm coming" with that orgasmic "O" face. What's more fun than seeing THAT??!!

Another thing I love about sex with Blondie is he stays rock hard after he comes, and we just keep fucking. We don't stop. Usually he comes again within minutes, but this time he didn't. He slowed down and I felt him pull himself out, his hands on my torso, and he laid me gently down next to him. I got up and got us a towel, and he was smiling and saying, "OH MY GODDDD" over and over. Then he said, "Come back", and reached for me and held me. I wanted to keep it light so at some point I said, "do you remember the jalapeno incident??" And he laughed so loud and hard. "YESSSS!!!! OH MY GOD!!" We both laughed.

His dick was still straight up in the air like a ruler and I was still super turned on. He asked me to keep touching it (my pleasure!!! LOL) and I dribbled a little bit of lube on it and he purred, "mmm perfect" and we touched it together. I was so ready to keep fucking. I still hadn't come. I got so close so many times but I hadn't. We laid there playing with his cock for a little while, then unfortunately, he took our hands off and apologized for stopping. He said he was "distracted" by all the stuff he has to do, and he's also emotional about the move and all. Would I just hold him? ("consolation prize") LOL

It was all good though, because we talked. And he said some amazing things to me. He said he felt like we have such a strong connection, he feels we will always see each other again. I agreed. I said, "I now have total faith that I will see you again." And I do. And then I took a risk and said, "you know, I don't even really get jealous when you have a girlfriend bc I want you to be happy. I just hate that you cut me out when you do. Because I'm your friend first." He said, "I know, I'm sorry". I said, "you know Blondie, there are girls out there who will understand. You just have to know what you want and tell them." He said, "I know, I know." I felt like I was lecturing him but I had to get it out. This was my last chance. I said further, "you've gone through how many girlfriends now and look at us! Even when you have a girlfriend we still have that connection Blondie!" He was holding me as we were talking, naked and warm, and it was intense and emotional. "I know! I know!" he agreed. "you're so right!" So I said, "you can have both. You just have to know what you want and ask for it." I wanted him to know it IS possible. We laid there, just holding each other. I said, "that's what I have. We have a great marriage" then realized I needed to lighten up and said, "everyone should be like this because it's so awesome!" We laughed and he kissed me and snuggled me to let me know everything was all right. It was perfect.

He said he was hungry and was craving "Arby's". Said he saw it on the way over and so we decided we'd get it for him, so after a bit I proclaimed, "let's go!". He looked at me like he was making mental note of my face, the way you see them do in the movies when that person knows they're never going to see you again. I melted and said, "one last naked hug! Because naked hugs are the BEST!!!" and that's what we did. We held each other, neither wanting to let go. And then it occurred to me, 'TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE ANNA!!!!" And he's always let me take lots of pics so I said, "Selfie???" and he said, "sure!!!" So I took two selfie pics of us "for posterity". He trust me completely.

We kissed, then got up and dressed, and he was done first and wandered into my bathroom and just looked around. He saw the Minnie Mouse framed pic he'd given me and commented on it. He said, "You ARE Minnie" with a smile. We went downstairs and he gave a look around like it was the last time he'd ever see it, and we left. He took my hand and didn't want to let go; he intertwined his fingers with mine and since I have a stick shift, I was driving with my left hand and taking it off the wheel to shift with it. So we didn't have to let go. I commented, "I've never done this! It's tricky!" but his face was calm like he was just feeling it all, not like I was doing anything as extraordinary as this. I loved how he just didn't want to let go.

We didn't unlink our hands until we stopped at Arby's, and he fed me curly fries all the way to his apartment. One time I bit his finger and he smiled, and once he left his finger in my mouth for me to suck it. It was so hot! We joked and laughed about nothing I can remember now, but it was awesome. Like we were on a date--one of the dates we'd never gotten to go on.

When I licked his fingers, I told him it reminded me of how much I miss him cooking for me. I said, "I loved it when you took a piece of the chicken and licked off the sauce and fed it to your kitty. I thought that was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen." He said, "aw, well he's a great cat." I just smiled.

We finally got to his apartment building and saw the U-Haul again. I thought he said, "come in for a bit" and I was excited! I said, "I get to say goodbye to your kitty??" He said, "oh no, he's not here. He's at my co-worker's where I've been staying the last few days." I said, "Oh! Awww" sadly. I followed him to the U-Haul where he opened up the door, put in the bag of food and the bag of souvenirs I'd gotten him, and he turned and faced me and said, "this is it!"  He said something about having to go see his ex-co-worker who he was living with; he was going to get him so he could help him move more of his things. "Oh", I said, a little deflated bc I'd apparently misunderstood him. He just stared at me, and I smiled and said, "well best of luck Blondie, drive safe, keep in touch" and he said, "I will Anna, I will". We kissed a deep longing kiss, parted, and he said, "thank you for everything Anna. I appreciate you so much". I said, stupidly, "thank YOU honey" and felt instantly stupid and like "what the fuck did I say honey for???" I went up on my tip toes and kissed him again, and I turned and walked to my car.

I got in and as I put the car in gear, I saw him drive past me on the street, not looking back.

A new look and Anna gets riled up!

Hello you sexy readers out there ;)

I've been thinking about my blog a lot and love love love when I hear from you! Someone pointed out to me that my blog name really wasn't accurate, in that I'm not a swinger (anymore). I couldn't argue with that fact! When I first started this blog in February 2010, my husband and I WERE swingers, so, hence the name, "Diary of a Swinging Housewife". Also, the blog domain name, "We-Swing" is no longer accurate, as a loyal follower pointed out to me. I am grateful for him and today I changed it to better reflect the journey from swinging married couple to ethical non-monogamy. I'm still not sure about the title; it may change again but I do feel like my experiences are leading me to a much wiser position as someone who has been around the block SO many times, I want to teach and lead you all to a better sex life as well as happier, more authentic and fulfilling relationships with your SO's.

Most of my blog posts are experiences I've had but there are posts that are informational such as this favorite of mine

https://naughtyannasguidetogreatsex.blogspot.com/2016/12/is-your-pussy-dry-heres-why.html


In the last seven years, I've posted 209 posts. That's insane! Looking over my blog with the proverbial fine-tooth-comb, I realize that I've shared my heart and soul with you all. I share things with you I wouldn't dare share with anyone who actually knows me. That's how special you all are! Do you realize that?? You, my dear readers, are less judgmental and more accepting of me than family and friends. This fact does bother me on a regular basis, as I wish so much that I could be more authentic myself. Sex is everyone's favorite topic. It's in the news constantly, especially lately with all the allegations of sexual misconduct by all these famous people. If sex is our favorite topic, why do I have to hide behind a pseudonym?? It's for the very reason that in our society, unless you're having vanilla monogamous sex behind closed doors, discreet and un-discussed, you're a freak, you're a sexual deviant, and there's something wrong with you, and you are a threat to society. We use the word "slut" with a wink and a chuckle, because we don't label a woman who enjoys sex without procreation as a negative, but the rest of the world still does, very unfortunately.

Look how white men have tried, and continue to try, to control women's sexuality. Take away our birth control, our rights to abortion, our rights to control our own bodies. The right-wing evangelicals are a threat to our well-being, and yet, here's another one, Judge Roy Moore, who couldn't be more misogynistic and homophobic if he tried, accused by no less than five women now of having had inappropriate conduct with him when they were teenagers. Of course he vehemently denies it! Did anyone think Roy Moore was a decent human being?????

He's really just a metaphor for the whole middle-aged white men, right-wing evangelical movement. I certainly didn't vote for Trump or any of his cronies, because I knew this was where his presidency would go.

I apologize to any middle-aged white men who aren't in that category. I know if you're a reader of my blog you don't subscribe to that mind-set at all. But isn't it interesting that only middle-aged white men are in the so-called "moral majority"??? Do you see any African-Americans in there? Sadly there are a few white women who rally alongside this cluster-fuck of an administration. There's KellyAnne Conway, who someday is going to wake up and realize she's sold her soul to the devil.

We can't go back people. We can't go back to the days of treating women as second-class citizens. How we ever got a president who admitted to just "grab them by the pussy" is beyond me. And now he's overturned Obama's federal protection of African elephants.

Is nothing sacred anymore??????

Sigh.

Well, I will continue to write about sex and enough of the politics. I am a staunch feminist but not the man-hating kind, and I'm not a lesbian. Like I wrote, I love men, I love all kinds of men and I truly believe if more men embrace their feminine side and stand up for the women in their lives, we can overcome gender tyranny. Everyone wins!!!!

It's Friday, go out and get some--bring your lube and wear your condoms but make sure it's consensual!!!!!!!

Love always,

Anna XOXOX