OMG---Mickey "cums" through

Well I decided to stay online and visible and see if I got any crumbs....see Mickey works till very late and is awake all night long while I'm sleeping, and if I'm going to hear from him, it's going to be in the middle of the night. Sure enough--around 3:30 am he wrote, "LOL sorry no phone".  No response to the "are you ok?" question.  know you're wondering......so to answer your question, no, I didn't get an explanation.

So, I guess I believe him about the phone.

And obviously he's not dead or in jail.

And I have come to the realization that I, Anna, am addicted to Mickey and am happy getting crumbs. It truly is better than not getting anything.

Especially if those crumbs are sexy and complimentary.

OMG he was so graphic--he was obviously turned on and wanted me.  He was sooo delicious, and sooo nasty...telling me how he was going to blindfold me and make me suck his cock while my hubby fucked me....how he was going to tease me and pull me close as I came so I couldn't get away.....yes, I feel fulfilled....sad and pathetic huh? What can I say, that boy does something to me....I just can't get enough.

So....I sent him a pic of the guest room.....will he visit? I didn't ask. I'll wait till he suggests it. He knows I want him here.

Needless to say, I am in a great mood today. I got my crumbs. I said I wanted more, but the truth is, he's either incapable of more or unwilling to give more. I want him in my life. I'm happily married, so I know it can't go anywhere anyway. I will take what I can get.

OMG he's writing me again! yay! GTG.

An open letter to Mickey

Dear Mickey,

I have so many things I want to say to you I don’t know where to begin, but knowing you may never actually read this or even if you do you’ll never mention it to me makes me not even want to bother giving it to you. Maybe I’ll just write this to get it off my chest.

Do you have any idea how crazy you make me feel? Do you even care? No, you don’t. It’s just same old Mickey, different day, different year. I keep putting up with you but I have no idea why. Why do I love you? Why do I give a fuck about you? You are such an asshole. You really are.

Maybe you think being mysterious is attractive. At first maybe, but jeez, we’ve known each other for 6 years now, and it’s just plain annoying. One minute you’re online IM’ing me “hey sweetheart” and then a few days later you’re incognito, totally blowing me off. WTF??? Why?? I mean, I go from wondering if you’re upset with me to wondering if you’re dead or in jail. One day I’m worried and sad about you and the next I’m a raving lunatic filled with rage.

I really think I’m done with you once and for all now Mickey. I know I’ve said that to myself at least a thousand times, but I really am. You are cruel and you haven’t changed a fucking bit in all this time.

Three days ago we were talking about you moving out here with me. You had a lot of concerns and questions and I wanted you to know that I would do anything for you. Yes, anything.  I would move mountain and earth to have you here with me.

I have been wanting to put money in your account for weeks now, ever since you dropped your phone. I always want to help you. The only reason I didn’t is because I worried it would ruin our relationship. I know you don’t feel good taking money from me, and I know you’re capable of solving your own problems. You don’t need handouts from me to make you feel bad about yourself or dependant on me. I totally get that. 

What you don’t get is how when a person cares about another person, they are your friend and family. You want to do whatever you can for them--to make them happy. To make their lives more comfortable, to ease their pain, to help them through a hard time. And of course to be there to celebrate when things are going well. I am ALL that for you Mickey. And more.

It seems that whenever we get close, it scares you, and you run away. 

I’ve written you so many times and gotten no response from you that I’m just done. I can’t take your games anymore. I used to feel that as long as I had you in my life, however small a part, I was happy. Since you came to visit me, I feel differently. I want all of you, or most of you. I loved hanging out with you, I loved getting to know you, and talking to you and learning all about you. I didn’t like everything I saw, but I liked those parts of you simply because it was YOU. I’m just not content with the crumbs you keep tossing my way Mickey. 

Maybe you know you can’t give me more, or don’t want to, and by just disappearing into thin air is your way of sending me the message. Well I hear it, Mickey, loud and clear.

So, are you offline or invisible? Are you trying to tell me to leave you alone? Sure seems that way. Maybe it’s not all about me, I know you have a life, but if you won’t share it with me how the fuck am I supposed to know?? I asked you if you were seeing someone. That went unanswered, as usual. Then I simply said “hi” to you, and you immediately clicked offline and haven’t been on since. How am I not to think it’s a message to me to leave you alone? What gets me is, WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE?????????

I also think you’re lying to me about not having a phone. You told me two weeks ago that I "shouldn't even ask" if you had a phone cuz I should know you didn't have the money to replace it. Well, that was two weeks ago. You think I’m so fucking gullible, don’t you? You’re offline cuz you have a phone now. Yes, I tried calling your number, and it’s been disconnected. You told me you change your number all the time so I’m pretty sure that’s what you’ve done. If you have a phone now you don’t need yahoo messenger, and I can’t contact you except by email. Which you probably wouldn’t read anyway. You’d see it was from me and just delete it. By the way, who besides you changes their phone number the way you do? No one. I don’t know anyone who likes to change their phone number. It is so disruptive, and tedious. I think you do that cuz you really don’t have anyone in your life you care about anyway. You are always running away from people who care about you. You get a new number and new people. Throw away everyone who came before and start over. That’s you Mickey.

I ask myself what to do now. Give you the benefit of the doubt and write you? I am tempted of course to do just that because that is what I do with you. That is our relationship. You treat me like shit and I take it. Over and over and over. You give me attention in crumbs and because I love you I live for those crumbs. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I’d rather not have any of you if I can’t have more.

I’ve taught you how to treat me. I’ve taught you that I’m ok with crumbs and that’s all you have to give me to have me. That’s not really how I feel anymore.

If you’ve met someone, good for you. I want you to be happy. I know I don’t have a future with you, I can’t be everything you need me to be. You're half my age. I know sooner or later it’s gonna happen so maybe you’re doing me a favor by ending things with me now. I just don’t know what things always have to end badly with you. Why can’t you be a man and tell me straight out?

I think it’s cuz you aren’t really certain what you want. If you string me along, you know I’ll be there when you change your mind. Because you will break her heart and everyone else’s, cuz that’s what you do. And I’m always there when you do, and I always take you back.

And maybe I will Mickey, and maybe I won’t. I really can’t take your shit another day. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to play games with you anymore. I just think I’m worth more than that. 

His Response is----No Response

As quickly as Mickey disappeared offscreen last post, he came back on. Five longs days he stayed offline (or invisible) he just popped back on and wrote me. As usual, it was after midnight when his IM came in. The little pop-up sound woke me and I was thrilled (of course) to see it was him. I decided to chill and went back to sleep. I woke up at 2 am and responded hello. He said he was alone, smoking pot, and he seemed really playful and happy. Just the Mickey I love. He sent me the cutest little happy face, you know, made with asterisks, semi-colons, all those little font-things ( I don't know what they're called). Then a lull, like an hour and a half lull where I fall in and out of sleep, straining to hear the IM sound.

The day before I had emailed him pictures of our guest room in our new house---I very much want him to come visit---Hubby said I could pay for his plane ticket again---so I spent the whole weekend emptying boxes, carrying boxes, and the room is gorgeous. He wrote simply "sweet" about it. So, I thought, hmmm, yeah!! Maybe I can buy his ticket today! But as usual, he didn't say anything more about it.


I had tried to make him jealous last week by mentioning that I'd met someone here, and he knew I meant a playmate. He then said, "guess you don't need me anymore." That couldn't be farther from the truth! I told him, "you know I'd rather have you. I'm just keeping myself busy till you come back to me." He of course let that sentence hang in the air and dissipate like all the other emotion-laden sentences I say to him.

So---my girlfriend said, "let him know nothing's happening with this other guy." Cuz unfortunately it's true---that hot grocery checker is a high school senior so he's probly not even 18! So I used that moment to tell Mickey about it. Last thing he said to me was, "LOL you do like the young ones." I said, "that's too young! " then, a loaded question----"what about you? are you seeing anyone?" and of course no response.

Half hour later, I wrote, Still there? no response.

The next day, I wrote simply hi. No response.

That afternoon, I wrote, Hi Mickey with a smiley face.

It's been 3 days. No response.

WTF??? I'm so sick and tired of these games.

My girlfriend said to me very gently,"I think he's lying to you about not having a phone." I told her I'd already thought of it.


We had had a conversation a few days before about him moving here. It was pretty heavy...I was pretty insistent that I wanted him here and that I'd do anything to help him. He kept peppering me with roadblocks, like "but how would I get my stuff there?" and of course I had an answer for every single one.I got the impression he really wants to move here but it's logistics that's keeping him stuck for now, not emotion. But maybe I was way wrong.

I'm done, I'm really done. I can't take it anymore.

Out of sight but not out of mind

Mickey has been offline (or online and invisible, don't know which) all weekend. SO......that means one of a few things....he's seeing someone, his computer's broken, he doesn't want to talk to me, or.....???? I wish I didn't care. I wish I was busier right now and didn't notice. I think that's what pisses me off the most. So, I made myself invisible on yahoo messenger too.

The worst part is, when he finally does write me, he won't explain, and I can't ask.

FUCK!

Another boxboy for me!

Just as I have been wondering where all the hot guys are in this city we just moved to---I found him.!!!!!!Where else??? A GROCERY STORE!!!!!!!!!!! There are so many grocery stores here, seriously, like 5 or 6 nearby. But my favorite isn't the closest---I can't say the name of it but anyway, I go out of my way to go there cuz it's really huge, got everything. And I mean everything!!! I was in last Friday, a huge cartfull, and I was eyeing the lines to see which was the shortest.

And there he was---a checker, not a boxboy-----he reminded me of Mickey!!! Short, punk-y black hair, diamond stud earrings in each ear, about 5'9" and Mickey's build. A beautiful white smile. He looked young---I thought, hmmm, well, he's a checker, not a boxboy, so he must be at least 20.  I was instantly smitten. I caught my breath and pushed my cart into his line (which was the longest, of course).  When it was my turn, he started the conveyor and he was grabbing my bags of salad and all and scanning them. He looked at me and said something like, "hi Ma'am, how are you today Ma'am?" I was so smitten I couldn't talk. I hated the "ma'am's" and cringed everytime he said it, but I couldn't breathe let alone correct him!!! He was SO fucking cute, my heart was pounding. Thank God I looked good!

He messed up my checkout--I was halfway out to the parking lot and he called after me, "ma'am!" I turned around and was surprised to see him running towards me. He said he forgot to charge me for the greeting cards he'd put aside for last and did I still want them? I said I did so I followed him back into the store. He apologized profusely and I was SO smitten I couldn't even talk. I just quietly stood there smiling at him! What an idiot!!!

BUT---- I honestly couldn't stop thinking about him! I got all dolled up in my best jeans and tight-Tshirt and Converse and went in hoping to see him yesterday--and yes! There he was again! My heart leapt and I had an instant smile on my face. I didn't want to buy too much--it would look like I had an army back at my house LOL so I just got some salad things and a couple bottles of wine (to make me look fun and loose LOL). His line wasn't too busy, just one person ahead of me. Good! I thought---I was determined to talk to him and let him know I was interested in him.

When it was my turn, he looked at me with that amazing smile and bright brown eyes and said, "hello ma'am" I said, "please call me anna". He smiled and said, "ok Anna, how's your day going?" I said bravely,' better now that I see you!' he stopped scanning my groceries and looked up at me and said, "wha--wha--wow-really-oh wow!" he was stunned. I was smiling too. And shaking like a teenager I was so smitten with him! My heart was pounding. He said he'd just come on his shift, came straight from school. He told me he was a senior---"last year of high school". I was sooooooooo bummed!!! I wanted to ask him if he's 18 yet but it didn't segue well enough to ask.

We had a nice chat--I told him I'd just moved here from California and he said he moved from California a year ago too!!! He's from Newport Beach! I was like wow....we talked about the cold winters here and I asked him if he missed the beach. He said yeah, he misses surfing. I was so horny for this gorgeous gulp-probably 17 year old, all I could think about was him in a wetsuit, carrying his surfboard, walking out of the waves, his gorgeous black hair all wet and mussed up, his white teeth and amazing smile, all tan and muscular. That's what I was thinking as he was talking. Oh, and imagining kissing his full soft lips. And riding him, my hands on his shoulders as I fucked him hard. Holding that thick gorgeous hair in one hand, the other around his tiny waist, straddling him and kissing him.

I will have to wait tho till he's old enough!!! I will continue to shop there on days he's there, get to know him. I will ask him when he turns 18 (hopefully SOON!!!) I remember I met Mickey when he was 17. I knew he was off-limits....I actually didn't have a crush on him then, that came later. But this guy--his name is Jon---is worth waiting for too.

I will fantasize and keep working out......I hope he likes older women cuz I want this hottie!!!

Cat and Mouse

That's what my girlfriend tells me Mickey does--he plays cat and mouse games. Chase me, I'll run away, catch me, i'll slip out of your paws (or mouth) and run away again. He's the mouse, I'm the cat. It makes me fucking crazy.


Since I last posted, I decided I needed to back off and try to get some space from him. I'm in way too deep. I alternated between leaving myself online and available in case he wanted to write me and signing out to leave him wondering what I was up to. I decided to play "mouse" and let him be the cat for a few days. While I was in Mickey withdrawal, we had fun as a family.....we went to the movies, went to a major league ball game, we went to a great Mexican restaurant, and shopped till we dropped. We got a lot of unpacking done, hung pictures, and the house is looking amazing. 


I also got a text from Jimmy, our first lover from our first threesome. He's a hot 23 year old who is just what I needed while I was in Mickey detox! OMG we texted off and on (mostly on) for about 5 hours. He was just what I needed! He was a great distraction. He is straightforward-- tells me how he feels all the time. I personally hate games, I hate how I second-guess myself all the time with Mickey. He makes me crazy. With Jimmy I can just be myself, it is really stress-free. We have gotten closer ironically since we moved here. I love talking to him! We talk about Mickey and he's helped me see things. I do really like him----I'd love to have another threesome with him and Hubby. He fuels my self-esteem with compliments, and I am just an endless sieve when it comes to that. I never ever get enough.


I was thrilled to see Mickey had written me overnight! He simply said for me to message him when I can, that he'd be home for the day. I wrote him hello, he wrote back hi, and I realized it's 2 hours earlier where he is and asked him what he was doing up at 5:15 am? haven't heard back so he probably fell asleep.


I think today's going to be a great day!

Thank God for Yahoo Messenger!

Mickey has been instant messenging (IM'ing) me on yahoo messenger just about every single day! yay!! I'm soo happy!! Since he dropped his phone in water, he hasn't been able to afford another phone, so he's on his computer and I've been on my iphone and that's how we've kept in touch. I love love love hearing from him! I check my phone all the time--to see if he's written me--and it runs the battery down so I'm having to keep it plugged in 24/7 LOL

He said, "I bet if you could, you'd lock me in your closet and keep me all to yourself". Does that boy know me or what??!! ha ha I told him absolutely I would! I was telling him I wanted to help him buy a new phone--not for entirely selfless reasons LOL cuz I miss hearing his voice and I prefer texting. i don't get a chime when he writes an IM and my phone goes dead checking it all day long. He said, "you want to be my sugar mama?" and I said, "yes I do!"

He also said he's glad to be able to talk to me on the IM. Yay! That made me happy! We talked about him coming here to visit and we said how there are things we didn't get to do together we still want to do ;) oh yeah! I told him he "still owes me" and he said, "i know, i know". I am not done with that boy!!

My problem is I think I come on too strong. I can't help myself. I've always been like this. When i like someone, I'm on 100%. I wrote him an email yesterday, telling him about the move and all, didn't get sexual except at the end, told him I'd be his sugar mama "as long as you still love me back." WTF? see how I am? And I ALSO sent him 2 pics of me in my bikini--one at home and one on the beach. I haven't heard from him since!!! And I talked to Hubby last night--he said he'd love for me to be Mickey's sugar mama! So... today I was planning on putting some money in his bank account. I still have the info from helping him out with his traffic ticket.

So... I don't know. I love the idea of helping him. I did tell him in an IM that I wanted to help him out financially but didn't want it to ruin our relationship. Did he ever respond?? NO so I don't know how he feels about it. I think I'll just put the money in today and tell him it's for a new phone. I'm sure he'll be thankful.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Withdrawal

My life has been one crazy hot mess since Mickey left. We sold our California house and bought a new house over 1000 miles away. I can't say where---only to say I miss my friends and gym and familiar things and people. Moving is SO hard....

My thoughts turn to Mickey, as usual. I have only heard from him once since he left--an email telling me he is "phoneless" because he dropped it in water. That was a week ago. I see him online 24/7 and i've written him hello but no response. I sent him 2 silly pics of the grocery store tonight. I hope I made him laugh.(remember he used to be a box boy? I thought he'd get a kick out of the store here---it's aooo ritzy).

I am in Mickey withdrawal.

I loved being with him....Looking in his eyes while I was on top of him, his hands grabbing my ass as he fucked me so hard I was so sore. I think about our talks and how comfortable I started to feel around him. Ok yeah so I'm hung up on him. Totally.

So I did something brave and at this point was probably stupid--I sent him a link to this blog. I've given it to him before--I think he likes reading about himself...maybe not? Maybe I freaked him out a little? I hope not...I'm just someone who expresses myself better with the written word. ---sigh--he's such a mystery. Just as I thought I was beginning to "get" him he's back to playing cat and mouse. It just makes me crazy.

So much is going on with me---and I just want to share it all with him. I want to hear him laugh at the craziness and tease me for my insanity. I felt so close to him by the last day of his visit. I liked being open with him and telling him whatever popped in my bead. I miss him!
Fuck if I know what he's thinking. I'm trying to resist contacting him....it's much sweeter to wait to hear from him.

We are in the midst of unpacking...but the guest room looks great already! My hubby calls it "Mickey's Room." yay!! I hope he'll come visit like he said be would!! Hubby said we'd get a new bed for him--since he complained it wasn't comfortable enough!!!

That would be so fucking awesome if he does come visit! I'm
thinking of putting money in his bank account every so often. I'd do anything for him. I'm lucky that my hubby knows how I feel about him and wants to make me happy.

As long as I have Mickey in my life, I AM happy.

My favorites

I want to write all about my week with Mickey, but I'm so busy, I don't have time to write it all down. I know I'm going to forget details, and believe me, I don't want to forget a thing. So, for now, just for me, I'm going to write my favorites list of stuff we did together. It'll help me remember for writing later when I get time.

Here they are in no particular order--Mickey, if you're reading this, this is to you.....

Seeing you walking through my house stark naked, without a care in the world.
Watching you sleep, in my bed, on my pillow, covered by my blankets.
Listening to you breathe while you slept; drinking up your beauty and manliness.
Realizing how slim your shoulders really are, and how small a waist you have.
Going down to the river and seeing you playing with my dog. Precious.
Really making eye contact with each other.
Being blindfolded by my hubby and peeking out the bottom to see my hubby giving you a BJ.
Going into the guest room and having you all to myself. One on one. Delicious.
Cooking breakfast for you, and actually eating together side by side at my kitchen table.
Giving each other goo-goo eyes as we ate.
Washing a load of your clothes--and folding them. It felt loving to do your laundry, and I folded them in front of you. I think you liked being taken care of that way.
Being able to tell you sometimes you're an asshole.
Looking into each other's eyes as you entered me.
Letting you borrow my car, and then you loved it so much you begged me to sell it to you!
Kissing those sexy full lips--with the two lip rings that drive me wild.
Telling you I loved you to your face. Even if you didn't say it back, it was still freeing.
Not insisting on condoms cuz i'd love to have your baby. Hubby agrees.
The way you wrapped your arms and legs around me and just held me tight.
Telling you how I feel about you.
You were rough and gentle, and a gentleman.
Sharing my story about my brother to you.
Getting close--getting to see you for who you really are--not my idealized version of you.
Skinny dipping--you were the first one naked!!!
The way you make me feel. Young and sexy and wild.
The way you make me appreciate my husband.
The way the bed squeaked when you fucked me hard. And how it made us giggle.
Covering you up with another blanket while you were sleeping--cuz I knew you were cold.
Sneaking in to sleep with you....and pressing my body against yours. And just sleeping together. No sex.
Having you grope me in the middle of the night. And not remember it the next day.
Watching you constantly, not able to take my eyes off of you.
Realizing how my heart beats faster when i'm even in the same room as you.
Stealing kisses when my kids walked out of the room.
Have my kids know you and see you talk to them.
Gazing sadly at the hairs left on your pillow after you'd left. Reminders you were actually here.
Driving you to the airport, and picking you up after you missed your flight. All the conversation in the car was precious to me.
Seeing you at the airport for the very first time since that dreadful day a year ago.
Your smile. It lights up not only the entire room but my heart.
Your dimples.
Making you smile.
Making you moan.
I love you.
I miss you Mickey
xoxox

Heaven, Part 2 of the first part

Ok I just realized that my last post skipped from one scene in my bed to vodka by the pool! Sorry--I was distracted by Mickey sitting next to me. My heart beats faster just being near him and my breathing is short and quick. I'm so attracted to him I just want to fuck him nonstop. I never get enough! I am soooo sore from all the sex we had in that first day he arrived.

I really must put it all in order eventually; but I want to skip to the juicy parts.

Going back to where we were laying in bed and I was watching him sleep.....unable to fully grasp the enormity of his existence in my bed. The three of us had had some wild sex the night before (I promise I'll get to that later!) and we all fell asleep in our kingsize bed. OOO la la it was delicious being sandwiched in between my sexy men. I truly felt adored, like a queen. It was marvelous.

Skipping to the next morning, after my dear hubby had left, I laid there watching Mickey sleep, unable to fall back asleep myself. He was sooooo beautiful. Long, punkish-styled black hair. TWO lip rings that just made me fucking horny looking at them, and kissing them was even hotter. His pale blue eyes closed and peaceful; his breathing slow and steady. His back was to me, and I realized how small his shoulders were; how slim he was; how tiny his waist was. How big his dick was for such a small guy. Mmmmm I was practically licking my lips fantasizing about what I wanted to do with him--like Sylvester when he sees Tweety Bird!!! (ha ha) I felt a rush of blood surge into my vagina and I was ready to fuck him.

I began to caress him, the outline of his body, his soft skin. He rustled a little and I persisted. I didn't care if I woke him--wouldn't he love to be awakened wtih a blow job? Hubby said he would, so try it. So I did!!!

I slowly peeled back the cover and top sheet, and there revealed his huge manliness. I began to stroke it and wanted him to fuck me so badly. He flipped over on his back and I climbed on top of him, straddling him.

Will finish later...kids up.

Heaven

I woke up this morning sandwiched in between my husband and Mickey. What a fucking awesome way to wake up! My hubby had to catch a plane, poor guy, and was up at the crack of dawn while Mickey and me stayed in bed. I couldn't fall back asleep though, I was soooo horny laying next to him. I just watched him sleep, amazed he was in my bed. How many nights I laid there in the dark missing him. Fantasizing about seeing him again, fucking him again, and here he is, next to me. I actually took a picture of him sleeping, I knew I wanted to remember this moment long after he left. I tossed and turned for almost an hour and could stand it no longer. I knew my kids would be coming home soon and I had to have him again.




OMG as I sit here right now, Mickey is right next to me. He's got his laptop computer on as I do. I couldn't wait to get on here and tell you about last night. I'm going to skip the boring stuff and get right to the juicy stuff.


We were having vodka by the pool, and Mickey went in to refresh his drink. As he got up, he turned around and said, "Better be naked when I get back". So, that's what we did....hubby and I ripped off our clothes but Mickey beat us to it! He was stark naked by my pool and jumped in. I was tipsy and happy. We splashed each other and it wasn't long till I was in between my sexy beautiful men and they were ravishing me. I had a dick in my mouth, and one of them was kissing my neck and breasts. It was wonderful. The water was so warm, and the air too, the stars in the sky twinkling down on the three of us, the alcohol loosening us all up and enjoying each other's bodies.


I'll finish the rest later. Mickey's getting curious what I'm writing about.

Mickey will be here in 4 hours!!

OMG Mickey is going to be here in 4 hours! I'm cleaning the guest room top to bottom for him.  He called me last night with a few questions, like how does he check in for his flight, etc. so I'm sure hoping he doesn't back out at the last minute because after all, this IS Mickey we're talking about. The king of kings of flakes. Once again, I'm back where I was a year ago, not letting myself get too excited for fear he won't show up. It's sooooo possible. I'd say a 50-50 chance. Although, this week he's texted and called me nearly every day, it's been SO wonderful. He did say he wouldn't "be mean like I was before, I know I hurt you, I was young and stupid and made a lot of mistakes." So, I think that's all I'm gonna get about why he left me naked in that hotel room a year ago. I do feel like it's closure in that it wasn't that I wasn't pretty enough, sexy enough, or said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing, wore the wrong thing or wasn't witty enough. It was HIM. Whatever made him flee really had nothing to do with me; or at least something about me triggered something in his past or whatever, but it wasn't ME per se.  Hell, I've decided that I WAS pretty enough, sexy enough, etc., and he felt too much for me and realized, shit, she's married! I'm outta here. He has said to me this week that he doesn't get my hubby and me, and doesn't know why I care for him. I said I didn't know either.


It led me to the discovery that my hubby and me aren't really swingers--we're polyamorous. I had heard the term before but didn't really know what it meant. I read a blog by a girl who had a heartbreaking story so similar to mine about Mickey, and that's when I realized what we really are. My hubby and me can love more than each other, without lessening our commitment to one another. Now it all makes total sense to me, and I feel so much better about myself.


Next post will be a doozer! I will tell you everything we do together. We've shared our fantasies this week and we are going to try some things we've never done before. I lost 4 pounds on my cleanse! I'm eating right now so I will have food in my stomach cuz the alcohol will be flowing to loosen me up. Mickey's big challenge is making me orgasm----despite the 23 lovers I've had, only my husband has made me come. So, he's got a quest....I can't WAIT!!!! 

6 days to go till Mickey's here!

It seems I'm where I was a year ago, in that I'm not really sure how to act or feel about Mickey coming here. I mean, I'm soooo totally excited, but even though my hubby paid for his plane ticket here, that doesn't mean he'll actually show up. Although I don't think he'd do that this time; we actually talked on the phone a couple of nights ago; he was saying he had family out here and his grandfather is dying and he really wants to see him. How they are all excited to see him, and are planning a party for him. 
He seems less flighty than he used to be; he's had some adversity so I think that has matured him a little bit. He's gotten in trouble with the law....something about a rape charge that was eventually dropped. He said he was drunk and the girl turned out to be 16. Hmmm huge red flag Anna? Hmm. Well, like I said, if I ever got to know him better, and take some of the mystery away, I knew I'd obsess about him less. I'm turned off by that----it's a big buzz-kill for sure. I think he's grateful he's not in jail and forever "Scarlett Lettered" as a sex offender. I also don't think he's got a GF--although there's a girl on his FB page that says she's "in a relationship" with him.


I'm SOOOOO glad he's coming! I do think the encounter will heal me and help me move on. I know that sounds fucking twisted---I know it is---but I really get now how I'm trying to fix my fucked up childhood through Mickey. He has too much power over me. I love having sex with him--but the real healing would be if I could talk to him. He really opened up to me on the phone--I get the feeling he might actually be softening about his commitment phobia. I don't know.


So, here's the plan--my hubby and I have been excitedly talking about what we're going to do with him! We are both going to go to the airport to pick him up...my groin tingles as I write those words!! I told Mickey about a cool bar my hubby and I love to go to and I want to take him there. We can eat and have a few drinks (and hopefully talk!!! Don't guys get that to get in our pants you gotta get in our heads first???) Then take him back to our house. I'm farming out my kids for the night. I told him I want to skinny dip in our pool and fuck him in every room in the house. He said he's game for anything! "Even a 3sum?" I asked him. He answered, "I'm your slave", so I'm fucking stoked!!! My hubby said I could be alone with him too. MMmmm I'm gonna slap him during sex. I thought of it just now....I'll get him back but turn him on at the same time. 


I love that I've got the power this time. NOT him. As he said himself, "you're paying for everything, I'm all yours." So there will be no running out of hotel rooms this time, unless it's done by me. 


Oh, and BTW, haven't heard a peep from B. What another asshole. I'm good enough to have his baby but he can't add me to his FB? or return any of my texts? What a loser. He's so full of himself. Well, he was fun. And I can always blackmail him if he gets really big....I've kept all his texts. LOL I'd never do that but it's fun to think about when I start to miss him.


Mickey will be here in 6 days!!!!!

OMG!! Mickey's coming to see me in 2 weeks!

"I got the time off.....I'm all yours", Mickey texted me. OMG I just melted reading it! Yep, it's true-- Mickey's going to be here in 2 weeks! It doesn't seem real. I don't want to fuck it up or it to go badly like the time I flew 800 miles to see him. He's coming to ME this time!! 


I bought his plane ticket last night! I learned what his middle name is and that was sweet. Yes, of course, my hubby knows. I wouldn't see Mickey without his blessing. He knows what Mickey means to me. I look at this as an opportunity to put the past in the past, and maybe forge ahead a new relationship with Mickey. I don't really know what kind of relationship that may be....from the very beginning 4 years ago, when we first spent the night together, all I wanted was a happy little threesome. We both fell in love with him; we both wanted to rescue him, make him happy, be with him. Maybe that's how it'll end up this time. That's what I'd love.


Most women wouldn't have given him this second, third, fourth chance, whatever the hell it is. He's hurt me so many times I've lost count, but I know he's broken my heart twice. He's unreliable, he's secretive, he's a liar, he's a scoundrel (i just love that word) he truly is. I think he's incapable of sustaining anything serious but it's because he's wounded that I feel like I understand, and forgive him. It's the mom in me that wants to nurture him. The lover in me wants to please him.


It's as if I can't remember how hurt I was that day he walked out of the hotel room and left me there, naked on the bed, lying to me about a phone call he was going to make and "be right back". Ironically, it happened to be the day Michael Jackson died (which has absolutely NOTHING at all to do with the story!) I don't know how or why I forgive him, I guess he doesn't really deserve it. But somehow, despite it all, we've stayed in touch, and in 2 weeks he's going to be here.


We've had some interesting conversations....he's actually phoned me several times and a few days ago we talked for nearly 45 min!! A record that's for sure! I don't quite know what's going on with him, but he seems to be opening up to me for the first time. It's sooooo nice to feel like I'm getting to know him. I've always felt that if I knew him better--if some of the mystery was gone, I'd obsess about him less. That I'd be able to see him for who he truly is, not who I want him to be.  Mostly we text, but I've actually got a voicemail I've kept, just to hear his sexy voice. Calling is not really his forte; if he can text he'd rather do that. An avoider. So, I've really enjoyed talking to him this last week, arranging plans.


My problem is, I had high expectations when I went to see him a year ago, and things didn't go well. Yeah, we had sex, but it wasn't amazing, it was like we really didn't even click. The truth was, I was sooo excited to see him, I was all nerves. AND I was supremely hung over from bar-hopping with my hubby the night before, waiting endlessly to see Mickey, who never materialized. Sporadic texts throughout the night, claiming one reason and another. I went to bed drunk and horny and mixed up. A midnight text inquiring about an afternoon rendezvous from him, and, of course, all was forgiven.


By the time he showed up, I realized I had only gotten myself physically ready to see him, not emotionally. I looked great--122 pounds, hair recently colored, tan and sexy. He was seeing me at my best. 


I really couldn't believe he showed up. There he was at my hotel door. As cute as I'd remembered. Just fucking, smoking hot. Sexy blue eyes, longish black hair, and that smile and dimples. Shit. I was a hungover mess, although in an attractive shell. I look back and realize I set the tone by just standing there.....I was in shock. I opened the door and just stared at him, in disbelief. I should've grabbed him and hugged him and kissed him. Instead, I was shy, self-protective, and uneasy. I sure hope I don't act that way this time.


I'm hoping not to be alone with him this time, maybe if my hubby comes with me to pick him up from the airport it'll be easier. He told me he's old enough to drink now (legally, LOL) and so I want to take him out to talk. Break the ice. I didn't get to do that before. For me, flirting and sipping a drink and feeling the walls come down is great foreplay. I never get enough of those blue eyes and that smile, and sexy voice, I fantasize about sitting across the table from him and just listening to him talk. Watching his mannerisms. That to me is sexy.


Of course I want sex....but I think just as much, I want understanding. I want to know what makes him tick. Why did he leave me like that? I'm going to try not to ask. Cuz when I asked him why he moved away 4 years ago without saying goodbye it made things sooo awkward between us. But I think I get it now....goodbyes are horrendous. I absolutely hate them. They're so uncomfortable. 


It's after 2 am and I'm falling asleep. I'm trying to sort out how I feel, and at the same time, try to diet LOL cuz I've gained about 5 pounds and feel insecure at the moment. It doesn't help that B is completely ignoring me now. I'm serious.....after being with B, I was like, "Mickey who??" I felt myself really crushing on him and it felt so good. I was soooo comfortable with him, not second-guessing myself constantly like I do with Mickey. I thought, hmmm, this is soo nice, he's so complimentary, I know he's totally into me, this is sexy and hot and comfortable all at the same time. But it's been a week and nada. Nothing. Zilch. I texted him while I wrote this, "hi sexy", and no response. So I feel crappy about myself cuz I'm not one of his model buddies. I'm not 25, I'm just me. And he liked "just me" for the last 4 months....and I know I was beligerent, texting him drunk. SUCH a bad idea. Damn it! But we still got together, and it was great.


I have to plan for my emotions when Mickey gets here. I want to be cute, I want to be fun and sexy, and I want to be honest. I want HIM to be honest. He's agreed to be my sex slave since we're paying his way out here. I fucking cannot WAIT!!!!!!!!!!

Meeting B! A fantasy fulfilled

B and I finally got together yesterday! OMG I am still so sore! He is huge--he's got a 10 inch cock! Fucking him was amazing. He said to me on the phone the day before, "you look so tiny, I know I'm going to hurt you." I told him, "I think I'll know what to do with that big cock of yours baby. Don't worry." As it turned out, thank GOD he was gentle!!

My wonderful horny hubby made a hotel reservation for me in Hollywood near his house--it was actually only 4 miles away! I had other friends I was planning on visiting too....but B was my reason for being in LA in the first place. I was determined to meet him. And it's not just cuz he's an actor and model, but really cuz he is just so fucking hot. He calls me all the time, his voice is sooo sexy, and he's always horny, and he is sooo into me!! How lucky can I get?? How many 40-something year old women get 26 year old guys to begin with? AND he's on TV? OMG and he's truly gorgeous.


So he knew I was coming to LA, couldn't wait to see me, yeah yeah yeah only to stand me up Friday night. Fucker. I was so pissed off at him I de-friended him off my Facebook. I didn't want to completely blow my chance with him just in case....so I texted him I was shocked and disappointed and called him a poser. He texted me right back he was sorry, he was moving all day and shit. I know he's a liar but I didn't care, i still wanted to fuck him, so, of course, I forgave him.



He texted me first thing the next morning "let's meet today". I was still pissed off. I said, "sorry, I can't." Then I was like, hello?? Isn't he the reason you're even in LA??? I texted him right back, "Damn boy, you're such a tease!" I told him I had to check out at noon and it was fucking 11:45, so i said I'd come to his house. He texted me directions--he really was only 4 miles away! So I put on my new white sundress (no panties--the ones I brought showed through, going ninja wasn't really planned) and Marc Jacobs wedgies (5 inch heels, so sexy) and my hair turned out great too. I took the elevator down and handed the valet my ticket. I knew I looked good...the valet guys were swarming me like flies on shit. I put my sunglasses on and smiled, thinking about that hot guy I was going to fuck. I got in my car and openend the sunroof, turned on some Lady Gaga, revved my engine and off I went.



The directions he gave me were easy until I got to his street--fuck he lives at the top of a drive that's just like Mulholland!! It's a treacherous road, hardly room for 2 cars, and no way to turn around if you go too far. Thank GOD I have a little car, I was able to navigate it pretty well, but I had trouble finding his house. B and I were texting and calling back and forth--he said he was outside waiting for me. I was practically panting in anticipation! Where the fuck was his fucking house??? Every house on the drive was clearly multi-million dollar mansions. I was like, damn, this 26 year old is fucking rich! The houses themselves were set back off the road and mostly all you could see driving by them were security gates. I stopped at one house that was just one number off of his and had a gardener. In my limited Spanish, I decided to ask for help finding his house. No luck. Finally, B and I figured out where I was--I just needed to drive a little higher up. He was outside looking for me. He said for me to look for a "for sale" sign since he'd just moved in.


I actually drove right past him! His house number was even, and so i was looking left cuz the houses on the left were even-numbered. He was on my right and whistled a wolf whistle and I slammed on my brakes. I turned and there he was. He smiled right away and I grinned back. He was as gorgeous in person as he is on TV. His long, wavy brown hair floating and shiny in the Hollywood sun, he walked over to the passenger-side door and got in. We smiled googly-eyes at each other and said a breathy "hi" to each other. (I instantly thought--- he reminds me of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean! minus the weird beard. Jack Sparrow's messy, long brown hair and confident swagger). B's big brown eyes sparkled as he directed me to go up a little ways, make a U-turn and showed me where to park. I did as I was told.


I shut off the engine, put the car in park and we just looked at each other. He just had the sweetest smile on his face, the kind of smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes and revealed dimples. What a fucking cutie! His features were smaller than I expected. Seeing his modeling pics, he appeared over 6 feet tall and about 180--he was more like 5'10" and 150, if that. He was perfect.


The sunlight off his hair through the sunroof was shimmery and his sparkly brown eyes were lit up like a Hollywood premiere. We sat there and giggled at each other. I felt completely at ease with him, like I'd known him forever, this beautiful near-stranger. After all the texts and phone calls, we felt comfortable together and familiar with each other. He told me I was prettier than my pics, loved my dress and thanked me for getting dressed up for him! In a sexy voice as smooth as pudding, he purred how he liked my tan legs, "very sexy". His eyes drank me up from head to manicured toe, and he liked what he saw. "Mmmm, nice breasts too," he said with a mischievous grin. "Thank you!" I smiled back. I was feeling pretty good about myself.



He had this demure-like posturing that was a stark contrast to his brash bad-boy talk, and I loved it. He was sweet and kind and kind of shy. I told him I thought he was beautiful (I think I told him that like 10 times while I was with him!) and I rubbed his chest. He started his nasty talk and unzipped his board-shorts to show me his big cock. He wanted to give me a 'sneak peak" to make sure I still wanted him! I laughed and said, "sweetie, if I like your face, I'll love your cock." But it was nice to look at, that's for sure! And jeez, it WAS big! Damn! So there I am, parked in my car in one of the most exclusive neighborhoods 3 miles up the Hollywood Hills, and this hot, rich actor is sitting next to me with his 10 inch cock out for display and my approval! I was like, did I die and go to heaven??? I stroked it lovingly and assured him it would do, and we giggled together. "Let's go inside", he suggested, and I agreed. He closed my sunroof for me, and the electric windows, and commented on my car (he loved it). He told me about his vintage Chevy Nova that was in the shop. I honestly can't remember why--I guess I'd tuned him out staring at his opened zipper. We got out, and he came over to my side, and I took his hand in mine. It was small, and instantly he reminded me of Mickey. Hmmm.


His house was down a steep sloped driveway which wasn't easy to navigate in 5 inch heels. He held my hand strongly and helped guide me down the path. The house was actually quite dumpy looking. It was clearly a steal....maybe a foreclosure? He said he had roommates and one was home. I pointed out his surfboard, which I'd recognized from one of his modeling pics. There was no landscaping and it did look like he'd just moved in. His room had its own entrance off the patio, with a full bathroom off to the side. The bathroom was totally vintage, with the coolest bluish-green sink and paint job, and he said the house was built in like 1930's or something. It was a small room, barely room for a bed and a dresser but not much bigger. It had this big blue thing that looked like a square tent, and I asked him what it was. He opened the flap to show me he had a whole marijuana garden growing in it! Right in his bedroom! I was like, whoa that's amazing. He had incense burning, and it smelled wicked and sexy. Just like him.


He laid down on his bed, and just kept smiling at me. He was clearly happy and relaxed, and I figured probably a little high. If I hadn't had to drive home, I'd have suggested we smoke a little pot together. I had my phone and called my hubby and asked B if he minded if he listened. He thought it was cool. I chatted with my hubby for a few seconds and he said he'd be stroking his cock while I fucked my model/actor boy. I put the phone on the ground next to the bed, and B took off his shorts to fully reveal all 10 inches of God-given cock, all for me. I couldn't WAIT to get started!!!


He grabbed it with both hands, and showed me how he had two fists around it and needed a third. I smiled and opened a bottle of lube and dripped it on his dick. He loved the way it felt. I took the tip in my mouth a flicked my tongue, teasing him. He laid back and closed his eyes and just enjoyed my blow-job. He moaned and stroked my hair and purred to me how good I was. I just continued to suck, lick, and enjoy his dick. He asked me if i could "deep throat" and i said no, but not to worry, he'd enjoy it anyway and he did. Blow-jobs are my specialty LOL so I showed him what I'm good at. He squirmed and moaned and played with my hair. I loved looking up now and then to see the pleasure on his face. I thought of my husband, listening intently on his phone, stroking his own huge cock. Yummy! I wished he was here, watching, taking pictures, and me getting to have them both at the same time. Mmmmm....He sucked on my nipples and played with them, mentioning how hard they were getting. I was still wearing my dress--as I straddled him, I gave him a peek at my pussy. His eyes got big, and another smile as he said, "no panties!" and then, "you're pierced there? Oh my God....." and he just stared. He fingered me a little and I said I loved it.


I wanted to kiss B badly. He's got full lips that looked so juicy. I slurped his cock out of my mouth, rose up and asked him if I could kiss him. He whispered "yeah!" and I pressed my lips to his. His tongue was eager and we french-kissed hungrily. He was a great kissser. I love kissing and I LOVED kissing B! It was obvious he felt the same for me. Then we broke apart and he said he wanted to go inside me. "Let's make a baby!!" he gleefully exclaimed. I smiled and said, "oh yeah". I was ready. He aimed his enormous cock at my pussy and entered me. Instantly we were one. It felt sooooooo good. I loved being on top. I rocked and fucked him like a racehorse. He pulled me close and held me tight in his arms and as we fucked, he kissed me deeply and hungrily. It was awesome, truly wonderful. I definitely felt a connection with him that went beyond just sex. As I fucked him, I lifted his legs and brought him closer to me. Mmmm yummy.


After some deep thrusting and kissing, he gently moved my body so that I was flipped over. He whispered for me to lay on my stomach. His hands were gentle as he put them on my hips and entered me from behind. Damn that huge cock hurt in that position! He talked to me, telling me sweetly he'd go slowly, and he did. He knew how to manuever that huge cock of his and was thoughtful of how it felt for me. He could've been a jerk and just fucked me hard and got off but he didn't. He was very respectful and sweet. He fucked me in and out, in and out, and when he'd go in, it hurt deep inside but felt awesome at the same time. I remembered my hubby was listening, and realized he may not be able to hear from where I'd put the phone. I told B "just a sec", and leaned over to the floor and picked it up. I said hello to my sexy hubby and asked him if he was enjoying listening, and he said oh yeah, he was stroking his cock. "Good!" I said, and B took the phone from me and put it on his headboard so my hubby could hear us better. B's phone was ringing non-stop. I told him, "someone's trying to get ahold of you." He said, "It's always like that." --sigh--such is the life of a movie star LOL


B gently flipped me over again, and said he was ready. He was now over me, his enormous erect cock pointing at me. His tousled brown hair hung down and I loved pushing it out of his eyes. "Let's make a baby!" he said again, and with his hand, aimed his cock into my pussy and pushed it in gently. He liked going in and out slowly, whispering to me the whole time what he was doing, trying to be as gentle as possible. He was amazing. He was clearly very self-aware and comfortable with his body, and clearly enjoying me as well.


As he thrusted gently, he took my legs up so they were up in the air to his shoulders. "I want to go deep as I can", he whispered, "so I can get my sperm in there to get you pregnant!" As he fucked me and rocked and I screamed a little every time he got as deep as he could go. He said he was ready, and i said "ok baby, I wanna watch your face", and he tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and grabbed my legs even harder and gave it one last deep thrust. I shouted "Ow!!" and moved his hair again from his eyes so I could see his face, his long hair flopping about as he fucked me. He orgasmed quietly; I actually asked him if he came! (usually a girl doesn't have to ask! LOL) he pulled out slowly and marvelled at the amount of liquid he'd produced. I giggled and and he flopped down on his back next to me. I put my arm around him and he turned and held me close. He smiled at me and sighed. Just then a knock on his door. It was "the roommate". He said, "hang on, I'm not decent", I asked him, "do you want me to get dressed?" He said, "no, just hang on", and he lovingly took the blanket and covered me up, folding and pulling it several times to get it just right over my naked body. Then he put his shorts and shirt back on, and went to the door, opened it, and went out and closed it behind him. I got my phone, talked to my hubby for a minute or so, to make sure he was ok. I asked him, 'did you come too?" he said, "yeah, same time as B did!" I thought that was awesome. We said our I-love-yous and hung up.

B was only gone a minute or two, and he apologized when he came back. He sat next to me on the bed, and his phone was still chiming. He picked it up and apologized that he had to send a text. He told me all about how his friend had helped him move---had a white van it was hard getting it up the hill! I laughed and said "I bet!!" He told me about how he still had stuff in his old apartment and was trying to set up a time to move it with this friend. I thought, Hmmm Mickey, see? This is how MATURE guys behave!! We chatted about, well, mostly him. I wanted to get to know as much as i could about him. I asked him where he was from (New York); he'd moved out to LA when he was 22, all alone. I think he said he stopped briefly in Texas. He said he couldn't believe he was a model--I stroked his jawbone and chin--scruffy with a 5:00 o'clock shadow--- and told him he had great features and he photographed well. He liked that and thanked me. We talked a little about the house, the view, his room--he showed me a cool cabinet that had his TV (and a huge bong LOL). I told him I had seen him on TV, but that I was bummed I'd Tivo'd a show and it didn't record. He said it comes OnDemand in 4 days, that I should try it again. I said I would. He also told me about something neat he keeps on his computer--he called it his "vision". He puts on it his dreams and goals and it helps him stay focused. I thought that was neat. He clearly is on the fast-track....he has a fan club and quite a following already. I thought of how jealous his fans would be of me right now.

I felt so comfortable laying there while we talked. I was self-conscious though....I was buck naked (he'd taken the blanket off of me when he got back) and he was dressed. I was smarter this time than I'd been with Mickey.....I was paying attention to his non-verbal signs. Since he didn't get undressed, I assumed he was done with me, and I wanted to keep my dignity. I asked him if I should get going---if he had things to do or if he wanted me to stay longer. He was such a gentleman. He apologized with that sexy, shy look of his and said, yeah, he had stuff he had to do. He actually had a BBQ with one of the cast members at 3:30 and damn it I wished he'd asked me to go with him. That would've been soooo awesome!!!!! But no, he didn't. I said, "how fun!" and then said I had to get home. He asked how long the drive was--I said, "about 3 hours the way I drive!" he laughed. I asked him if he had a towel and he apologized again and said, "oh of course" and got me one. I got out of his bed, cleaned myself up while he turned away, and put it down on a pile of clothes he had on the floor. We talked about the awesome bathroom and I found my dress and put it on. When I went to zip up the back, he motioned for me to come to him so he could zip it for me. I thought that was sweet and gentlemanly of him. I walked over to him, and turned around so he could zip it, and he did. He reminded me to get my phone and purse, and shoes.

He reminded me too of the difficult walk to my car--uphill----and would I like to borrow a pair of flip-flops? I took him up on the offer! He said, "they're probably too big, but they'll be ok," and they were. I made sure I had everything. He put his sunglasses on, and I put mine on too, and he opened his door for me. We walked out through the patio again, my holding my strappy heels in my right hand and holding his hand with my left. He helped me navigate the steps back up. We got to the landing at the top of the stairs, just a short flat area before the steep hill, when something shiny caught my eye. It was a new penny! I exclaimed, "Look!" and stopped to pick it up. As I gazed at it, he put his fingers on mine to see it better, and we both said, "it's heads-up! That's good luck!" and he smiled another one of his gorgeous grins at me. He put his arm around my waist, and I followed suit, and he said, "Hmmm, maybe I got you pregnant!" I said, "Maybe!!" and then our hands found each other again. He helped me up the steep hill, and we walked the narrow road to my car, still hand-in-hand. I felt happy and sexy.

I "beep-beep'd" my car unlocked and opened my door. I took off his flip-flops and as I did he said, "Oh! Thanks!" and wobbly from the uneven road and a sore vagina, I had a little trouble putting my heels back on. He held my arm for suppport. I tossed my purse down on the passenger seat, plugged my phone in, and keys in hand, turned to him. I wish I could remember what we said--but it was just a short goodbye, a "thanks for coming", and then he said something again about maybe he got me pregnant. He mentioned something about how he wouldn't mind a threesome next time--remember, I found him on a Craigslist ad I posted when my hubby and I were in LA for our anniversary in April. He'd responded too late though--we'd already left. I said, 'whoa, totally, that'd be HOT!"

He was smiling, and all I could think was how absolutely adorable he was, and how if I were 20 years younger, I'd be his girlfriend. Fuck father time!! We hugged and kissed a quick kiss, and I got in. He walked to the passenger side, and I turned on my engine, revved it good, turned the wheel and turned to see him. He blew a kiss goodbye and I did too. I just drank up the moment, looked at him one last time. I honked a cute "beep beep" at him and sped off.

I pulled over a little ways down the hill to call my hubby, and make sure he was ok. I was eager to get home, and wished it wasn't going to take me 3 or 4 hours to get there. My heart was 200 miles away. It felt good to hear his voice--I was relieved he wasn't upset or regretting letting me go see B. It was good all-around. He'd come the same time B did and thought it was sooo hot.

I turned the radio to my favorite LA station, KROQ-FM-106.7 and Mickey Avalon was singing, "My Dick". I laughed at the irony. Manuevering my way down the hill, I was sore and happy, and couldn't stop smiling.

B Shoots a TV Show AND his Load--and a middle of the night text from you-know-who

The trip to LA didn't work out the way I wanted it to; had to bring the kids. Long story. Suffice it to say I was soooooooooooo disappointed. But not as much as B, apparently, as he called me yet again just now, alone in his mini-mansion, naked and hard for me, just having gotten home from another 18-hour day shooting the TV show he's on, or out on his modeling photo shoots. Oh my my. He's around gorgeous models and yet he still wants me. ---sigh--is that fucking awesome or WHAT? :)

So, of course, I couldn't wait to please him, and myself for that matter. He's got the sexiest voice, and he's all of 26. Rock hard abs, long brown hair, great for grabbing while I climb on top of him and fuck his brains out. FUCK! Will I ever get the chance to? SHIT!! For now, I have to settle for his sexy voice and my own hand.

"I want you", he purrs. I pull up the nasty pic of him I've saved on my computer just for these moments--one of two pics of him naked with his hand on his enormous cock. "Close your eyes", I command him quietly. "Your cock is in my mouth and I'm sucking it just the way you like". He's moaning softly and it's sooo erotic. He's busy stroking himself while he's staring at one of the many pictures I've sent him. "I'm climbing on top of you now", I tell him, while I'm laying naked under the covers, the fingers of my left hand rubbing my wet vagina furiously. "Put your dick in me and rock me hard," I say. "Oh, oh, oh" he moans slowly. "Yeah, I'm gonna grab your big tits and suck 'em!" "You better", I tease. "Now show me that big dick baby!"

He moans louder and louder, each time a little bit breathier and a little bit quicker. He's going to come before me (as usual). I take this as a huge compliment! It just means he's really turned on, SO turned on he can't hold back. Mmmmmm. Yum yum yummy. "Are you ready?" he asks me. "I'm going to shoot my load and I'm gonna make you pregnant!" He has this thing about getting me pregnant too. Always says he wants to make a baby with me. This totally freaks me out and I lose my concentration. Sweet, but no thanks. (When I meet this guy I gotta make sure he keeps the condom on!)

"Are you ready baby? Are you ready?" he ask me all out of breath, as if he'd just run a marathon. He's worked himself up masturbating and he's going to come. "Mmm, B, gimme some of that sweet stuff you got, shoot it in my face" and he says, "No, I wanna make a baby, get you pregnant", and I'm flattered, he's fucking gorgeous and we'd have one helluva cute kid. I try to stay in the moment. "Rub that beautiful cock sweetie. I want you", I tell him. He is back to moaning, which is good cuz it means he'll stop talking. "Are you ready baby? Are you ready?" he asks me again. "I'm ready, let's come together", I tell him, and I glance over at my open laptop to see pics of him and I realize I'm ready to come too. "I'm coming baby, I'm coming, you're so fucking hot, damn I want you so bad", he shouts in short bursts as he's busy spurting his come. I please myself to ecstasy and we both finish fairly close together. "Damn you girl", he scolds me, "you're fucking hot. When you gonna come see me?"

"I dunno", I tell him, and I really don't, unfortunately. "Soon, baby, soon". "I'd come see you baby but I'm on the set every day, I just can't get away till the show wraps, and that's gonna be a few weeks. I'm sorry...." he says painfully. "It's ok love", I tell him, "no worries." We both sigh again, he giggles and says he's made a mess, and I smile and say it's a pleasurable mess, which I could lick it all up. Mmmmm, he says, obviously still wiping himself up. "Goodnight sexy", we both say, and thank each other for the pleasure. Fucking sexy voice he has, not as sexy as Mickey's but different. There's nothing like a young sexy hunk. Mmm yum yum yummy.

Oh, and Mickey texted me in the middle of the night about 4 days ago. Haven't heard a peep from him since, despite several texts from me. He makes me crazy. I just want to leap into my cell phone and strangle him, or fuck him LOL I'd rather fuck him. DAMN that guy's put a spell on me.

I want to fuck you

.......is all that it said. A 3:18 am text Mickey sent. The "doodle-do" sound woke me out of a deep sleep, and I immediately had a huge grin. I was instantly aroused and texted him back, "oh yeah". Ok, not very profound, but I was sound asleep a second prior. I didn't hear back from him the rest of the night. Typical Mickey. But I was so horny, thinking about him, wondering if he was stroking his cock, obviously thinking about me, that my fingers found their way to my clit. I fingered myself and moaned thinking about fucking him, and how he wanted me. My pussy was so wet and juicy and it was a shame there was no one there to lick it and give me the release I needed. I rubbed my clit and fantasized about kissing and fucking Mickey. I came so fast, and stretched out on my back, pulled the covers over my hard nipples. I fell asleep quickly too, a smile on my face once again.

uh oh.....

The problem with being a swinger is sometimes your heart gets involved, event though you try hard not to let it. I am crushing hard on B. He just makes me laugh so hard. And he's full of compliments....besides my hubby and my pilot Sean, most guys just don't get that we girls LOVE to be complimented! Damn we work hard on our looks and fuck if you like what you see, tell us assholes! So he's #1 right now with me. I can't fucking wait to meet him Saturday! We are gonna have a fucking great time.

Los Angeles, B, and me

I texted B that I'm going to be in LA next weekend. "Fuckin' awesome!' he replied, like the totally awesome dude he is. I said, "You're not gonna flake on me, are you? Now that you're a big star and all." See, he's gotten quite popular lately with the TV show he's on, he's even got a fan club now that started a Twitter account on his behalf! He already has an ego the size of Texas. "Of course not!" he answered. "I can't wait to shoot my load all over your tits!" Ahem, wow, he's descriptive! I laughed and said I was going to give him a blow job like he'd never had before.

My handsome hubby has to be in LA for business and invited me to tag along. How could I say no? We always have a blast in LA. It's such a fun place. Great food, great music, lots of clubs, lots of bars. Unfortunately, B wants me alone, but my hubby gave his OK. I'll call him and let him listen in ;) Damn I'd really rather have them together, they don't even have to touch but I want two cocks in my face at the same time. I got to do that once and that's my ultimate favorite. I'll let you know what happens.

Saying Yes to Mickey

Ok, so you're probably wondering about this guy Mickey. I started writing about him and never finished. It's really a long story.... I met him 8 years ago when he was only 17 and a boxboy at the grocery store I shopped at. I was instantly smitten....he told me he was engaged and as he unloaded my cart into my car, I found myself staring at him as I was congratulating him on his engagement. I thought he was waaaayyyyy too young to be engaged, but it's not my nature to preach or give unsolicited advice. This was during my self-described frumpy-mom stage, and I honestly thought of him more like just a troubled young man who needed someone safe to talk to.

By the time he was 19, I found myself thinking about him a lot, and I found myself hoping he'd be working when I planned my weekly shopping trip. I found myself choosing my makeup and clothes carefully, and it got to be the highlight of my week if I saw him. I was nervous as a teen myself, stumbling over my words and wondering, am I flirting? Eventually we'd hug in the produce section (he'd gotten promoted to fruits and vegetables LOL). His physique is small, and I loved how I could wrap my entire arm around his waist. I wanted more than public hugging.

He's the guy who opened up the door for our swinging lifestyle. My husband and I invited Mickey over one night; over vodka and laptop computers we flirted and held hands as we sat on the couch. He was sooo cute, black hair, eyes as blue as the sky, and a super sexy lip ring. I'd never kissed a guy with a lip ring before, and more than those incredible blue eyes, I was turned on by that lip ring. I couldn't wait to kiss him. Our fingers caressed and as the vodka relaxed my nerves, I was getting soooo turned on by this young stud. I hadn't had anyone except my husband in 12 years, although I'd had plenty of action before we'd met. I really didn't know how I was going to feel or what this meant to our marriage. I was sooo infatuated with this Mickey, and I was being egged on by my hubby so I didn't waste any time analyzing it. I just wanted to enjoy him.

Soon we made our way upstairs. Mickey was reluctant at first but soon joined in (the boys didn't touch, to my dismay). I was drunk but having the time of my life. I'll never forget the moment I climbed on top of him, my arm completely around his waist, and put his enormous cock inside me. I loved kissing him, I loved fucking him. I was completely hypnotized. He came inside me, and once,while he was fucking me, I was giving my husband a blow job. Talk about a great experience! And it wasn't even my birthday! He was ready to go again right away and I was too.

We got together one more time after that, and actually, it's been 4 years now and I don't remember the details. All I know is, we had a blast, and I remained very infatuated with him. I was getting worried I was falling in love with him, and I don't know that I didn't, because when he moved away without saying goodbye a few months after we had sex, I was devastated. I realized I thought of him constantly.

After awhile of no contact whatsoever from him, I had to let go. I moved on, and my hubby and I began to look for new lovers. We had sex with all sorts of people: couples, single guys, one single gal, and lots of sex with each other. Mickey had unleashed a wild girl I had forgotten existed. For that, I thanked him.

I would hear from him every now and then, almost always in the middle of the night, and it made me so happy. Finally I wanted to go see him. Fortunately for me, my hubby encouraged me. I was hoping for a reunion threesome but he wanted me alone, and my hubby said it was ok. I really wanted them both but oh well. I always have more fun if my hubby's there. At this point, I'd never been alone with another guy in 15 years.

We flew to see him almost a year ago, ironically, the same day Michael Jackson died. I know this because Mickey had just told me he had to make a phone call, and was stepping outside the hotel room. I had no reason not to believe him, and wondered after about 10 minutes if he was going to be on the phone long. I suddenly got a bad feeling, as I sat there naked, awaiting his return. We'd already had sex and were having some pillow talk and I was under the impression we were getting ready for round 2. It dawned on me suddenly that he was indeed gone, chicken-shit style. I put on some clothes and clutching my phone, saw the "key" under the door that I had given him to get back in and I just knew he was gone. What an asshole! Couldn't he have just kissed my forehead and said, "hey love, that was fun, gotta go"?? My pilot never would've treated me so horribly. I was stunned, absolutely stunned. I ran out of the room, ran into the puny pathetic "lobby" (it wasn't much of a lobby) and no Mickey. I ran out to the parking lot and looked for his car. No Mickey. I called him, and of course no answer. I left a pathetic voicemail he ignored as well as about 10 texts. Horrified, I slunk back to my hotel room, and got a text from my brother that Michael Jackson was found dead. I felt nothing. I was numb.

It didn't talk long for the tears to start. I couldn't stop. I was so angry. Angry at myself for letting myself get so vulnerable again in the Mickey department. Of course, I was angry at him for being such an asshole. I was stuck there without a car, my hubby had it to go to work in another city, so I couldn't even drive after him. We left the next day, me with a heavy heart. It didn't exactly go the way I'd planned.

After a few days, I realized what I'd wished I'd done--go to his work and just him a slap in the face as hard as I could, turn and walk out. I wished I'd thought of it while I was there.

Most girls would've written him off, right then and there. But not me. I don't know what it is about this guy but I just can't say no.

It was about 6 months later I got a yahoo messenger IM from him. "Hey", it said simply. Of course I was happy to hear from him. We started up again, and the other day we had our most sexy flirting yet in a year. OMG We both said we hadn't gotten enough of each other.

I don't know what it is we feel for one other, but it's lasted 4 years so far. I think he takes satisfaction in knowing I'm the girl who won't say no to him. He knows I won't leave my husband, so that makes me safe. I think he's a commitment-phobe but maybe he's just young and horny. He texted me he can't get away right now, after saying he would. He makes me insane with his mind games but I just can't tell him off. Is that love? Or stupidity? Maybe both.

I should say no to Mickey. But no matter how much time passes, I always think of him and fantasize about the next time. Right now I've offered to fly him here and spend a few days with me, and he's offered to be my sex slave. I fucking can't wait!